Freedom, not necessarily what the mind thinks what it is

There are many forms of freedom for different people with different thinking and desire. In yoga, freedom while living in the world of selfless impermanent names and forms is being free from ignorance and egoism, and thus, be free from the consequences of ignorance and egoism, of all kinds of mental and emotional suffering of unhappiness, disturbs, restlessness, fear, worry, disappointment, anger, hatred, hurts, painful sorrow, guilt, shame, resentment, and so on.

Nowadays, many people who think they are mentally and emotionally disturbed and hurt by something hurtful, they feel and believe that they are suffering from mental and emotional hurts and suffering, and they are looking forward to be receiving some kind of 'spiritual healing' treatment from someone 'spiritual' to heal them, to take away their painful hurts and suffering. Meanwhile, there are many different kinds of 'spiritual healing' being 'advertised' in the world claiming to be able to 'heal' people's mental and emotional hurts and suffering, including in the world of yoga. That's their freedom. Getting certain 'healing treatment' or receiving certain 'comforting love and affection' from some other beings might relieve certain degrees of mental and emotional pain, but it doesn't stop the mind to be continuing perceiving/experiencing/feeling 'hurts' and 'suffering' mentally and emotionally whenever people think and believe they are 'experiencing' and 'disturbed by' some kind of 'hurtful' and 'suffering' experiences.

When people come to us to learn and practice yoga, we don't give them 'spiritual healing' treatment. We don't take away or remove what people think and believe is their mental or emotional painful hurts and suffering. We teach and guide everyone to contemplate upon or look into their own minds to know what is going on in their minds, that allows them to see the truth of hurts and suffering, to realize the root cause of hurts and suffering, to realize selflessness and compassion. We don't heal anyone, but it's coming from people themselves willingly to let go all the ignorant perception about everything that will liberate them from any kind of 'so called' mental and emotional 'hurts' and 'suffering'.

If people are not willing to learn about what is going on in their own minds, and reluctant to open their minds, where they insist that all their painful hurts and suffering are caused by somebody and something that is being hurtful and suffering, and feel greatly insulted and offended when being told to 'identify' and 'see' the ignorance and egoism in their own mind, then the teaching and practice is useless to them.

We don't need to 'heal' anyone, and we don't 'heal' anyone. All kinds of 'hurts' and 'suffering' ceased existing or vanished from the mind when the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, upon knowing thyself and knowing the truth of names and forms. 'Hurts' and 'suffering' don't exist upon the realization of the truth, and nobody needs to be 'healed' from 'hurts' and 'suffering', as nobody is being there to perceive or experience 'hurt' and 'suffering' upon the realization of selflessness and compassion. That is real freedom.

Loving kindness?

Many people who think and believe themselves are 'unselfish kind and loving beings' would react and feel disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that they perceive or acknowledge as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', and they would express their 'concern' by expecting these 'unkind and unloving beings' would somehow be criticized or punished for being unkind and unloving, or be disciplined or trained to be (more) kind and loving.

But, 'loving kindness' is about how one's mind behaves or reacts with 'loving kindness' towards other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, that one's mind perceives and acknowledges as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', without being disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, without expectation towards how other people should and shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, understanding that all forms of 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior as well as one's mind's reaction of being disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's 'selfish', 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior and the expectation towards how other people should or shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, are all deriving from ignorance.

Loving kindness is really not about "How human beings should behave in the way that is loving and kind" or "Other people whom one's mind thinks and believes as unkind and unloving need to be (more) kind and loving" at all, but it's about "This mind being kind and loving, where this mind understands towards ignorance and the consequences of ignorance, of egoistic actions and reactions, and how this mind reacts with loving kindness towards other people's unloving and unkind actions and reactions under the influence of ignorance. Being undisturbed and unhurt by all the disagreeable/undesirable/unpleasant names and forms or experiences that the mind perceives through the senses. Without expectation towards other beings should or shouldn't behave in certain way. Without expectation towards the world must be in certain way, or not to be in certain way."

When the mind is disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's unloving unkind actions and reactions, loving kindness is absent in this mind as well, then how could this mind criticize other minds for being unloving and unkind, and expect other minds to be loving and kind?

Non-attachment and dispassion is true loving kindness, but somehow this observation is being perceived and acknowledged by the world of egoistic minds as a form of 'lack of loving kindness', 'unconcern', 'uncaring', 'selfish' and 'wrong'.

It's everyone's freedom for what they think and believe, for how they act and react. In yoga, it's never about 'how the others behave', but it's about 'how this mind behaves'.

Contemplate on this, and be free.

Disturbed / hurt by remembering/thinking about past unpleasant experiences

Minds that feel being disturbed or hurt by 'something' that is being perceived/acknowledged as 'hurtful', 'wrongful', 'bad', 'disturbing', or 'undeserving', they are actually being disturbed or hurt by the remembrance towards the perceived names and forms that doesn't exist in NOW, unwittingly attached onto the perceived names and forms (past experiences in the form of memories), being determined by the past memories as well as keep feeding these memories to keep them 'alive' to be shadowing/haunting the mind repeatedly in NOW.

The past is not just about whatever happened some time ago.

What is here in NOW is constantly changing/passing away and instantly becoming part of the past memory that is made up of a continuous chain of countless pieces of thoughts/images.

For example, maybe someone says and does something that is hurtful/wrongful/bad/disturbing to this person (this mind) in this present moment NOW.

The mind immediately processes this experience and will analyze and assert, "This is something hurtful/wrongful/disturbing that I or anyone don't deserve to be experiencing." and react with "I am/feel disturbed and hurt by this." and by the time the mind is analyzing and asserting about 'this experience', 'this experience' is already beyond NOW being stored as part of the memory. But somehow, the mind will continuously feel disturbed and hurt by the continuous remembrance of "This is something hurtful/wrongful/bad/disturbing that I or anyone don't deserve to be experiencing." and continuously react with "I am/feel disturbed and hurt by this." Even when 'this experience' that instantly becomes 'that experience' which existed moment/seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years ago, that doesn't exist in the NOW, and even when the memory starts to fade away and changed into some blurred images that are not exactly what it really was as it happened, the mind will still be disturbed and hurt by the remembrance towards 'the disturb/hurt reacted towards that experience'.

It's always, "You/They did this." or "You/They said that." This is truly unnecessary. Imagine if someone is completely forgetful about everything or has no function of memory to be remembering anything, what is there to disturb or hurt this mind?

It's not about erasing one's memories to be free from disturbs or hurts coming from continuously remembering the past experiences that the mind perceived as 'disturbing'/'hurtful'/'wrongful'/'bad', but it's developing the ability of 'non-attachment' to be unattached/non-clinging/non-grasping/non-craving/non-aversion towards all the thought/emotion activities in NOW perceiving all the pleasant/unpleasant names and forms or desirable/undesirable experiences, and all that is being stored as part of the memory that constantly arising and passing away in the mind in NOW.

If the mind is always being in the NOW, without attachment towards what is NOW and beyond NOW (memories or imaginations), being aware of but without attachment/clinging towards any thought/emotion activities of the mind as well as the pleasant/unpleasant memories/images constantly arising and passing away in the mind in NOW, then this mind won't be disturbed or hurt by anything at all, not even being disturbed by what is happening NOW or the constant flashback of memories of the past thought/emotion activities perceiving all kinds of pleasant or unpleasant, agreeable or disagreeable, desirable or undesirable names and forms.

The real practice of non-attachment, is not about having very few or zero things/objects/relationships/enjoyments in life, or ignoring/neglecting one's duty/responsibility and do nothing to improve, but it's about non-clinging/non-grasping/non-craving/non-aversion/non-judgment/non-expectation towards what is going on in the thinking mind (the modifications of the mind), of whatever the mind perceives in NOW and all that beyond NOW (memories and imaginations), allowing all the pleasant/unpleasant, agreeable/disagreeable, desirable/undesirable names and forms being there as they are and ceaselessly changing as they are, arising and passing away as they are.

Go beyond the worldly thinking and belief about "Life has to be in certain ways and people must behave in certain ways to live a good, happy, joyful and meaningful life, or else life is not good, happy, joyful or meaningful." Life is just what it is. It doesn't has to be in certain ways and people don't have to behave in certain ways, while life doesn't need to be good, happy, joyful and meaningful the way that the mind thinks and believes what is good/happy/joyful/meaningful. Life is neither good nor bad, neither happy nor unhappy, neither joyful nor joyless, neither meaningful nor meaningless.

Whether one is practicing yoga, or not, is not determined by whether one is doing some 'yoga practice' in the form of Pranayama, Asana, Yamas, Niyamas, Kriyas, Japa/Kirtan and etc, or not, but it's whether there is attachment towards the modifications of the mind, or not. If there's attachment, there's no peace. Peace is there as it is, in the absence of attachment.

Be free.

Observe silence to quiet the restless modification of the mind

When someone is performing yoga practice or meditation practice (self-practice), one is observing silence as much as possible practically, regardless of whether the mind is still processing some random thought activities, or not. One doesn't talk, or grumble, or groan, or argue, or debate, or criticize, or inspire, or aspire, or communicate/interact with anyone not even so called 'spiritual connection' with 'God' or 'higher spirits'. One doesn't read any material, or ask questions, or looking at and listening to anyone or anything (teacher/other practitioners/scenery/video/music/podcast/conversation), or expect certain feedback/evaluation towards one's practice, or expect particular result/effect/benefit/pleasure from the practice.

The senses are being withdrawn/restricted from chasing after the objects of the senses, and the outgoing mind is being channeled inward to be resting in the present moment, or to be aware of the practice/the breath/the pulse/the sensation/the flow of energy/prana/heat in the body, without attachment/identification with the selfless impermanent function of the physical body and the state of the mind, while allowing any result/effect/benefit/pleasantness/unpleasantness/ability/disability to be existing or non-existing, to be what it is, as it is, allowing any existing sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations and thoughts being there as they are, without analyzing/asserting/projecting/craving/aversion, without association with or attachment towards all these names and forms, to be quieting the restless modification of the mind effectively.

This is not really possible in a 'yoga class' where there is a teacher giving instructions/explanation teaching/leading a group of people performing the practice, while the group of people have to be looking at the teacher or other people in the group, and listening to while analyzing/understanding/following the teacher's instructions to perform the practice, and expecting feedback/evaluation from the teacher and/or others towards one's performance/practice, as well as expecting particular result/effect/benefit from the practice. "How well/correct am I doing the practice?"

Meanwhile some people's minds are being 'disturbed' or 'offended' very much by certain teachings of yoga being taught in the 'yoga class' that are different from their thinking and belief, or be 'disturbed' or 'intimidated' by how the teacher teach/conduct the 'yoga class', or be 'dissatisfied' with the 'yoga class' is not being the way that they would like it to be (either too intense, or too gentle, or too crowded, or too quiet, too much or not enough attention, too challenging or not challenging enough, or not the kind of practice that they would enjoy).

For people who don't know the practice yet, of course they need to learn from someone who knows the practice, such like attending 'yoga classes' for some time to be following instructions from a teacher to learn about the practice and how to perform the practice. Attending 'yoga classes' is mostly about 'learning'. After 'learning' and 'knowing' the practice, one must develop self-discipline to perform self-practice in solitude and silence, truly immersing into the practice.

That's why 'yoga practice' is always more 'practical' when performing self-practice in solitude and silence in terms of quieting the restless modification of the mind, where the modification of mind inputs and outputs are being limited to the maximum efficiently. Those who already developed their own regular self-practice don't need to attend 'yoga classes' to be following instructions to be performing their practice, though there's nothing wrong if they attend 'yoga classes' once in a while for some reasons.

There are some 'silent self-practice yoga classes' are about providing a specific practice time and space for yoga practitioners to be sharing a practice space at a specific time to be performing their own self-practice. Even though there are other practitioners being in the same space, everyone is observing silence to the maximum, focusing on their own practice. There shouldn't be any social interactions during the practice.

'Yoga teachers' need to teach 'yoga classes' in the way that would allow the students to develop the essential understanding of the teaching and practice, as well as self-reliance and self-discipline, and be able to perform self-practice without supervision/instruction from other people, and this will allow the mind be trained to turn inward to be quiet and be able to process and solve most problems in life by itself.

There's nothing wrong with 'asking and receiving help and support from others' when someone encounters 'problems' in life, especially in terms of some physical and mental illnesses that require special care and specific medical treatment, or some technical problems where everyone has their own limited knowledge and experience to be doing something, and people need to be helped and supported by other people who have the knowledge and experience that oneself doesn't have. While for most non-technical and non-medical care/treatment related problems, such like 'thinking/decision making/relationship/emotional problems', the best solution or the best answer to one's doubt, is coming from within of a calmed and quiet mind.

One just needs to learn to be by oneself and be quiet, be away from all kinds of advice, opinion or suggestion from different people who 'would like' to give 'advice, suggestion, help and support' in the way that they think it's best from their own point of view, and observe/watch what is going on in the mind, seeing the nature and the root cause of what the mind perceives/recognizes as 'problems/doubts/unhappiness/hurts', to allow the mind to go beyond and be undisturbed by these 'problems/doubts/unhappiness/hurts'. Once the mind sees the truth, all kinds of 'problems/doubts/unhappiness/hurts' will eventually cease existing. One doesn't need to talk to anyone about anything to release tension/unhappiness, or hoping someone is there to be listening to and sharing one's 'problems', to be receiving advice, love, care, help or support from other people, to feel better, or to influence oneself making certain decision.

Although there's nothing wrong when most people would see this thinking and emotional independence of 'self-reliant thinking/decision making/relationship/emotional problem solving' as 'unacceptable', 'inappropriate', 'wrong' or 'unhealthy' social behavior, as most people in the society practice and encourage all human beings need to be 'reaching out to other people', 'talking to other people' and 'receiving advice, help, support from other people', and most people do 'need' to reach out to other people to get help and suggestion, as they are being conditioned by the society to be emotionally interdependent, that they don't know how to deal with 'the problems' they have and making decision independently by themselves, or else, when they think and feel that their 'problems' are too much for them, when they think they are alone and have no one being there to be helping and supporting them, they might hurt themselves and/or others, whether wittingly or unwittingly. People think and believe that 'all human beings' need to hold onto 'something' physically/mentally/emotionally to live life, whether it's family, friends, relationship, children, pets, hobby, interest, work, religion, spirituality, 'God', or anything that give/feed the sense of existence and meaningfulness. When something falls apart or during the most difficult moments, at least they think they have something that they can lean or hang onto. And that's their freedom of choice.

People would think and believe, "Oh, what a pitiful meaningless life without family/friends/somebody being there to share, to talk to, to play with, to support one another, to enjoy life." This saying doesn't valid/apply to the minds that practice yoga, that are free from being conditioned by worldly social/cultural/religious/political thinking and belief, that are aware of what is going on in the mind and be unattached towards/undetermined by the selfless impermanent qualities of names and forms, that are free from desire of craving and aversion.

In yoga, this ability of 'self-reliant thinking/decision making/relationship/emotional problem solving' is true liberation for the mind, being undisturbed or being okay under any difficult moments and challenging condition and situation in life that one has to deal with by oneself, where one has clear thinking and self-control without hurting oneself and/or others. It doesn't mean that one doesn't have any family/friends in life, but one doesn't need to rely on the existence of family/friends/somebody being present as supporter, or receiving help/support from anyone to deal with any difficult moments under challenging condition and situation. When 'family/friends/somebody' or external help and support from other people/teacher/Guru/'God' appear to be absent or not available for some reasons, it's fine. One doesn't need to hurt oneself and/or others, as one is peaceful as one is, being undetermined by any 'difficult moments' or 'existing problems' that one is going through, repairing what can be repaired and letting go what has to be let go, making decisions without doubt/fear/guilt/regret, and taking full responsibility towards one's actions and the consequences of the actions.

"You came alone and you will go alone." - Swami Sivananda

Go beyond hurts and healings

The minds that are still wandering along the path of yoga and haven't realize what is going on in the mind need to practice forgiveness and letting go, as there is an ego being there thinking and believing that it is hurt by something hurtful, and so, it believes that it needs to be healed from hurt.

The emotional pain or hurts manifested in the form of thinking/feeling/thought process appear to be existing and real to the mind is due to ignorance.

The minds that know what is going on in the mind, that know the truth of 'emotional pain' and 'hurts', don't need to forgive, or let go, or be healed.

The thinking faculty that is free from ignorance and egoism cannot be hurt by anything. There's no emotional pain or hurt existing in this mind void of ignorance and egoism. There's nothing need to be forgiven, to let go, or to be healed.

Be free.

Love dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally

Whether the past experiences were something good or not good, pleasant or unpleasant, happy or unhappy, desirable or undesirable, let them go.

Whether the future will be okay or not okay, let it be.

Do our best, perform all our duties and responsibilities without forcing ourselves beyond our limitation, and let go the fruit of action.

Live in the present, and whether this present is good or not good, this is also impermanent.

Live as we are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love everyone as they are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love ourselves, be free from clinging and craving towards love and kindness from others. Allow others to love and be kind to us, or not.

If one knows how to take care oneself, which is taking care of one's mind and loving oneself, one can love others dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally. One stops hurting oneself and others, especially those whom we think we love and whom are in a relationship with us.

Be free.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation

It's common for someone to feel hurt, dissatisfaction and disappointment in a love relationship. That is because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don't.

When we think we are hurt, dissatisfied and disappointed because of his/her bad treatment to us or wrongful behavior, we will do and say things that would hurt/attack this person in the relationship with us. We would go behind his/her back complaining about him/her for this and that, telling other people, especially our family and friends about how bad he/she is. Meanwhile, we keep telling ourselves and other people, "I love him/her so much. I am so good to him/her. How could he/she do this and didn't do that, to me. He/she doesn't love me. I feel so disappointed and hurt."

'Hurt' doesn't exist if we truly love someone. If we truly love him/her as he/she is, we won't do and say things that would hurt him/her even though he/she doesn't love us and isn't nice to us. We won't expect him/her to treat us or behave in certain ways. He/she has the freedom to love us, or not, and to be nice to us, or not. And we have the freedom to decide whether to continue this relationship, or not, without feeling hurt or disappointed.

If we ever feel 'hurt' by someone whom we think we love very much, it actually tells us that we don't really love that person, but we only love our selfish desires of what we like and want. The fact that we feel dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt is because our selfish desires are not being gratified from loving the one whom we think we love very much. We are dissatisfied and disappointed is because we are not getting what we like and want, but we are getting what we don't like and don't want. It's not because he/she is bad or wrong. It's not because he/she doesn't love us or isn't nice to us.

To fall in love with someone is not so difficult, but, to truly love someone beyond selfish desires, is very rare.

The realization of "I think I love you and I want to love you, but I realized I don't really love you because I don't love you as you are." allows us to be free from the corrupted thinking and feeling of "I am disappointed and hurt by the one whom I love very much." Instead, we question ourselves, "How could I demand anything from you or expect you to love me and be nice to me while I don't really love you?" and "If I really love you, I won't demand anything from you and won't expect you to love me and be nice to me. I'll love you as you are, no matter you love me, or not, and want to be nice to me, or not."

This will free us from dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt, even though the person in the relationship doesn't love us or isn't nice to us. Meanwhile, even though we love someone very much, as he/she is, we don't have to allow someone who doesn't love us and who is not nice to us to take our love for granted, we can let go this person and this relationship.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation.

It's okay if we realize we don't love someone, as long as we are aware of it and are being truthful and honest towards ourselves and the one whom we think we love, but not really. And this confrontation with the truth allows us to truly love this person, by freeing ourselves from corrupted thinking and feelings.

The end of ignorance, is peace.

Be free.

Let go attachment, identification and expectation in all relationships

If we truly love those who are in all kinds of relationships with us, whom we think we love, and if we love them, we will wish everyone be peaceful and be happy while being in the relationships with us, then we need to let go attachment, identification and expectation towards ourselves, the relationships and the people in the relationships with us. Otherwise, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we will keep hurting ourselves and everyone whom we think we love, who are in a form of relationship/connection with us. There's no love. There's only possessiveness and endless selfish desires (towards the people whom we think we love and the relationships we have with everyone) waiting to be gratified.

Especially in love relationships, if a person truly loves us, we don't need to say or do anything to expect or control this person's behavior so that he or she will not or shall not do anything that is unkind or unloving or hurtful to us. If a person would do something that is unkind or unloving or hurtful to us, out of selfish desires, dissatisfaction, greed and lust, whether within or without our knowledge, then this person doesn't love us, even though this person thinks he or she loves us, and we love and care for this person very much, because this person doesn't even love himself or herself. They only love what they like and want (desires). In this case, we can let this person and the relationship with this person go, even though we love this person, but we don't have to be in a relationship with this person who doesn't love us or appreciate us. And more importantly, it's that we won't feel hurt by this person's unkind, unloving or hurtful behavior if we truly love this person as he is, as she is. We wish him or her love and peace, and let him or her go to chase after their desires that they like and want, which they can't get (enough) from being in a relationship with us. Meanwhile, we are happy and peaceful and live life meaningfully as we are, because we don't depend on other people's love and kindness or any relationships to make us feel happy or meaningful about ourselves and our life existence.

If we think we love this person very much, and we reluctant to let go this person and this relationship, but, at the same time we feel disturbed and hurt by this person's unkind, unloving and hurtful behavior, then this is our own responsibility, as we don't want to let go. This also means that we don't love this person either, we only love what we like and want, and we only want to possess this person to be 'mine', and to possess this person's love and the relationship with this person. We want him or her to behave in certain ways. We want our relationship with him or her to be in certain ways. We want him or her to love and treat us in certain ways. It's all about what we like and want. And when we don't get what we like and want, but we are getting what we don't like and don't want, or when what we like and want has changed into something that we don't like and don't want, or we are losing what we like and want, we feel disturbed and hurt, disappointed and angry. It's not because the person in the relationship with us is not loving or unkind, or their behavior is bad and wrong that is hurting us, or has the power to hurt us. It's our own attachment, identification and expectation that hurts our ego, which is unnecessary.

This is the same as in all our relationships with everyone and everything, whether it's with family, siblings, parents, children, friends, society, things, and the world that we live in. We think we love this and that. We think we love the world that we live in. And we constantly feel disturbed and hurt, disappointed and angry when people and things that we love, or the world that we love, are not the way that we like or want it to be. It's merely ignorance and egoism.

Be free, whether we have any kind of relationship with anyone, or not, and whether the relationships we have with everyone are good and long lasting, or not. There's no attachment, identification or expectation. There's no unfulfilled desires, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, jealousy, hurts, guilt, fear and worry.

Allow everyone to love us and be kind to us, and to be in a relationship with us, or not. Love everyone as they are, even though they don't love us, or they are unkind to us, or they don't want to be in a relationship (anymore) with us.

Be free.

Egoistic minds can be hurt, offended or intimidated/threatened by anything

If the mind is not free from ignorance and egoism, it will easily feel hurt, or offended, or intimidated/threatened by anything, even when nothing is being hurtful, offensive or intimidating/threatening.

The teachings of yoga is just being what it is. It has no intention or quality to hurt, offend or intimidate anyone. But some minds who have strong attachment towards a particular personal/cultural/religious thinking and belief that is different from the teachings of yoga might feel hurt, or offended, or intimidated/threatened by some of the teachings of yoga, that is contradicted with their personal/cultural/religious thinking and belief, thinking that their thinking and belief is somehow being insulted/offended/intimidated/threatened by some of the teachings of yoga.

Minds that are not free from ignorance and egoism can be offended, or intimidated, or hurt, or upset, or disturbed by anything in anyway. It can be a particular look, or shape, or colour, or sound, or volume, or word, or smell, or sensation, or gesture, or facial expression, or action and reaction, or idea, or philosophy, or behavior, or speech, or thinking, or belief, or culture, or religion, or race, or nationality, or language, or lifestyle, or music, or story, or dance, or way of doing something, or sexual orientation, or clothing, or animal, or insect, or plant, or tree, or flower, or fruit, or car, or fish, or rock/stone, or door, or chair, or the wind, or the ocean, or the rain, or the heat, and all and everything.

No one can please another person. No one can make another person happy or to be free from unhappiness. No one can free another person from the suffering of ignorance and egoism and impurities of anger, hatred, jealousy, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, feelings of hurt, fear and worry.

One needs to help oneself, be kind and compassionate towards oneself, and free oneself from the suffering that derives from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

One can tolerate, forbear, adjust, adapt and accommodate what might 'appear' to be hurtful, offensive, intimidating, threatening, upsetting, or disturbing to the mind. The truth of everything is just what it is. It is neither hurtful nor non-hurtful, neither offensive nor non-offensive, neither intimidating nor non-intimidating, neither threatening nor non-threatening, neither disturbing nor non-disturbing. It is how the mind reacts towards all and everything that the mind perceives through the senses, based on the likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, wants and don't wants of the mind, that generates the reactions of hurt, offended, intimidated, threatened, upset, disturbed or anger.

It is coming from the mind generates aversion towards something that the mind doesn't like, doesn't agree with and doesn't want that make the mind feels hurt, offended, intimidated, threatened, upset, disturbed or angry. Such like, "I don't like this.", "I don't agree with this." and "I don't want this." or "This is not what I like.", or "This is something wrong or bad." and "This is not what I want."

How the mind wants to react towards everything that it perceives through the senses is its own responsibility. One can choose to be undetermined and undisturbed by other people's ignorant or abusive behavior. It doesn't mean that one is agreeing with, or supporting, or encouraging ignorant/abusive behavior, or allowing oneself to be treated/abused by ignorant/abusive behavior from other people if one isn't determined by it and doesn't feel hurt, or offended, or intimidated, or threatened, or disturbed, or angry with other people's ignorant/abusive behavior.

Look into this mind, and learn about the truth of what is going on in this mind and all kinds of suffering that exist in this mind. It's nothing to do with all the names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses (all kinds of pleasant and unpleasant, or agreeable and disagreeable life experiences). It is coming from the mind itself for being ignorant, egoistic and impure.

Even though one has been following yoga classes, learning and practicing yoga asana exercises regularly for many years, and can perform many of the yoga asana poses, and receiving lots of benefits from the yoga asana exercises, but if one doesn't know this, one isn't really practicing yoga.

Be free.

The relationship between the parents and the children

This article is about the relationship between the parents and the children in 'conventional' family affairs/relationships. It's not about sensitive cases involve 'unconventional' single parenting out of sexual abuse and rape.

Before two people in a love relationship want to create/bring in new lives/beings/children to form a family, they need to know what is love. Real love. Unconditional love. If not, it is the main factor why there are conflicts/unhappiness/affliction exist in many families which create broken children growing up into broken relationships/family of their own.

When the parents create/bring a new life/being into the world, they never, and couldn't ask the permission/consent of this being for creating this life and bringing this being into the world, as this life/being didn't exist until the parents had created this life/being whether through sexual intercourse or higher technology, whether intentionally or unintentionally, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Children are being born without their own free will or consent, but unwittingly out of the parents' desire to have children, or out of both or one of the parents' act of lust even though they have no desire to have any children. And yet, many parents think and believe that these beings/children belong to them, where they think that they have the authority on the children about how they want to treat and bring up the children and whether they will love and care for them, or not. The parents also think that children are born with the obligation, duty and responsibility towards their parents and all the other family members.

There are many parents don't have any intention to have children, but the child is conceived accidentally out of their act of lust, and these children are 'unwelcome' in their life/relationship. Maybe some parents might change their minds to 'welcome' the child into their life/relationships, and will love and care for the child, but some parents might 'perceive' the child as a 'burden' to their life/relationship, and they don't love or care for the child. Some even abandon the child to their relatives, or children homes, or on the streets. Maybe the abandon child will get love and care from some other people, maybe not. Meanwhile, some didn't abandon the 'unwelcome' child, but they don't love the child at all and this generates great damages to the child's overall well-being. The parents don't see that it's their own responsibility for conceiving the child out of their act of lust whether wittingly or unwittingly, and yet, they blame the existence of the child for 'giving' them 'problems'.

Most parents who intentionally and wittingly to create lives/children to form a family think and believe that it is because of love. Two people love each other and want to create children/family that 'belong' to both of them, that they share together. Some parents create/bring in children to build a stronger connection/relationship/bond between the two of them, or as fuel to keep their relationship alive. This is a complete selfish desire to have children, but people don't see it as selfishness. Children are being born because the parents want to gratified their desire to have children to form a family to be the connection/bonding medium for their relationship.

Some parents do 'love' their children unconditionally, but some might not realize that their desire to have children is selfishness, and their 'love' towards their children is conditional/possessive love that comes with great expectation/condition. Some don't even have the love, patience, effort and time to 'nurture' and 'look after' a child, but just because they have the basic instinct/desire to be a mother or a father, and so, they produce children.

Many parents don't realize that there are hidden selfish intentions/conditions in bringing/creating new lives into their relationship/family. Many parents expect something in return by creating/bringing in children onto their life/relationship. They think that by having children it will 'bring' joy and happiness into their life. They think that by having children it will give them meaningfulness in life or take away their loneliness/boredom. They think that by having children it will 'keep' their marriage/relationship to stay alive and connected. They think that by having children, they will grow up to bring back money to support their life. They think that by having children, the children will look after them when they are old or sick. They think that by having children, they will be loved. They think that by having children, it will make their life or relationship complete. They think that by having children, it will make them become a real man and a complete woman.

There are many people get married merely to form a family life and reproduce, which they think it's a 'solution' or 'investment' for them to deal with unhappy relationship/marriage, loneliness, emptiness, old age and sickness.

Many parents have expectation towards their children that the children have to love and care for the parents in return for the love and care that the parents have been giving to their children. They expect/think that all children 'are obliged to' or 'should naturally' show love and care to their parents as it is the duty and responsibility of the children towards their parents. The children should appreciate and be grateful and thankful to their parents for bringing them into the world, feed them and nurture them, and so, all children should show gratitude by giving their love and care to their parents in return. This is conditional love / selfish love / possessive love. And when they think their children don't love and care for them, or don't love and care for them enough, they feel disappointed and hurt. They are disappointed and hurt by their own expectation towards the idea of having children. They don't love their children. They love what they think they can get from having children.

Either they feel sad about their children unloving behavior, or they feel bad and sorry for themselves for being unloved by their own children, or they feel disappointed, hurt and angry with their children for not loving them or care for them after they have been showing lots of love and care to bring their children up, or after they have invested so much 'time', 'effort', 'money' and 'love' for the children's upbringing, welfare and education.

It's common and natural that the parents would feel disappointed or hurt or angry if their children don't love them or don't love them enough, but then know that this is because these parents don't really love their children, but they only love what they think they should be receiving from having a family life by having children. And thus, when they don't get what they think they should be getting from creating/having a family, they react in such way.

If the parents truly love their children, they will love their children as they are and won't be disappointed or upset or feel hurt, even if the children are not good to their parents or don't love their parents, or don't behave the way that what people think all 'good' children should behave, or if they think their children didn't carry out the duty and responsibility of being the children of their parents. People feel disappointed, hurt and upset in children/family affairs is because they think they love their children/family but they don't really know what is love or how to love. This is absolutely nothing to do with how the children treat their parents, or whether the children are being good and loving to their parents, or not.

It's normal for the parents to show love and care for their children, but many don't realize that they have great expectation towards their children to be the type of people that they would like them to be, that the children are obliged to listen to and follow all their commands/wishes, and they must show love and care in return for the parents' love and care for them.

When the parents want to be recognized as 'good parents', 'good father' and 'good mother', they put so much pressure onto the children to make sure they grow up to be 'successful' people that will make their parents, friends and relatives feel proud of. The parents feel proud of themselves to be able to produce and bring up children that appear to be 'somebody' that they feel proud of. Or else, they are frustrated/disappointed with themselves and their children as they couldn't produce and bring up children to be 'somebody' that would make them feel proud of. Meanwhile, the children grow up becoming people who keep looking for acknowledgement from other people, to make people feel proud of them, to feel "I am good enough" in order to feel confident, meaningful, and being loved. Or else, they feel disappointed/depressed about themselves for unable to be 'good enough' to make their parents or other people to feel proud of. And this affects their relationship with everyone else. These are the 'values' that were passing down from generations to generations of what a family means and what to expect from creating a family.

If the children are born out of real love, where the parents have the unconditional love and knowledge of life to give to another life/being unconditionally, then the parents wouldn't think/expect that their children are born with the duty and responsibility as children towards their parents and all the other family members, that the children are obliged to love and look after their parents and all the other members in the family. The parents will just do their best to nurture the children, teach them to love and look after themselves, until the children are independent, they'll let them go and allow the children to evolve to be what they are. As well as the children shouldn't be taught or feel that it's a duty and responsibility for being the children of their parents and being one of the family members, that they are obliged to give something back in return and to love and look after their parents and the rest of the family members. But, out of everyone's own free will, out of unconditional love, out of compassion, everyone do their best to be kind to oneself and each other, to love and look after oneself and one another without expecting anything in return. There's no disappointment, hurt, anger, bitterness or unhappiness. Everyone loves and accepts one another as they are.

It's not because it's an obligation, duty and responsibility, that's why the children 'have to' love and look after the parents and the other family members. It's not because of gratitude towards the parents' love and care for them, that's why the children 'have to' love and care for the parents in return. It's even without obligation, duty or responsibility, a being can show love and care for other beings. It's even other beings don't show love and care for a being, this being can still be loving and kind towards other beings.

May all families have peace and harmony, being free from suffering/affliction/unhappiness that derived from ignorance and egoism of attachment, identification, desires and expectation.

Love ourselves?

Different people with different understanding and mentality interpret 'love ourselves' differently.

In yoga, to love ourselves, is to free our minds from ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison, expectation, self-esteem, self-image, and all sorts of impurities of anger, hatred. jealousy, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, offensiveness, defensiveness, animosity, ill-will, agitation, depression, hurts, guilt, regret, fear and worry, and etc, where all these defilement is the real cause of unhappiness and suffering.

It's not about self-pampering by indulging one's own body and mind in some worldly sensual pleasurable activities or enjoyments, or be able to be free to do and say what we want to do and say disregards whether these actions and speech would generate harmful effects or painful sorrow in oneself and in others, to get rid of unhappiness and to feel happy, or trying to be strong and aggressive to be able to protect oneself from being bullied or hurt by anyone or anything that we think and believe or recognize as something undeserving, wrong, bad and hurtful. It doesn't mean that one should abuse oneself, or allowing others to abuse oneself, or shouldn't move away from abusive treatments. But one's mind isn't determined by others' unkind abusive behavior, and doesn't save hatred towards others' behavior that is unkind and abusive.

It's ignorance when we interpret compassion, non-attachment, non-aversion and observation as - If people want to slap your face, you should let them slap you, and ask them to slap the other side of the face as well. This is not what compassion is about.

Compassion, non-attachment, non-aversion, or observation doesn't mean that when we see someone is throwing a stone towards us, and we shouldn't move away. It's our decision whether we want to stay there and be hit by the stone, or move away from being hit by the stone, unless due to certain reasons, we are not aware of it or we can't move away. And even if we had tried to move away but we are still hit by the stone, it's our freedom to choose how we react towards this incident. By choosing to react with unhappiness, animosity, anger and hatred doesn't undo this incident.

Once one's mind is free from all these defilements, this mind will know what is being compassionate towards all beings, including being compassionate towards oneself. One will know how to love oneself and others without attachment and expectation. One will be free from the ignorance of expecting other beings to love us in the way that we think it should be, or be free from expectation towards oneself and others that everyone should behave in certain ways whether in life, in the society, in the world, in family, in friendships, or in relationships.

Be free from craving for love, attention, acknowledgement, support, liking, companionship, praise, compliment, rewards and all sorts of worldly egoistic conditional thinking and behavior.

When we give and love, we don't expect gratefulness and appreciation. We allow the fruit of action to be what it is, not necessarily is the way that what we think it should be. It doesn't matter those whom we give and love would be grateful, or appreciate, or love us, or not. There's no dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, unhappiness or hurt, if we truly know what is 'loving ourselves.'

When we think we are hurt by someone or something, it's because we think and expect that after what we give and how we love, we deserve to be receiving gratefulness, appreciation and love from those whom we give and love. We are disappointed and hurt by our own attachment and expectation. It's not because someone, or people in the world don't love us, or don't appreciate us, or stop loving us, or love us less, or prefer to love someone else.

One must learn how to love oneself before one knows how to love other beings.

Be free.

Expressing feelings of hurt or anger with violent behavior?

There's nothing wrong if our minds react towards some 'undesirable' experiences that the minds think is hurting us or bad to us, and we feel hurt or angry. That's how the mind is being conditioned to react and behave in certain ways.

Most egoistic minds will not like to hear this - It's the mind's own responsibility for how it reacts and feels towards all the pleasant and unpleasant, agreeable and disagreeable, desirable and undesirable experiences based on what the mind thinks and believes what things are, or how the mind perceives and understands everything, disregard whether other beings or objects have the intention to hurt us, or not.

And afterwards, if the mind continues to feel hurt and angry, it's its own responsibility. The mind chooses to continue to be determined, be influenced and be disturbed by the past 'hurtful' or 'bad' experiences and refuses or doesn't want to let go the feelings of hurt and anger.

It's not denying or ignoring there's something hurtful and try to convince ourselves that this is not hurtful, but, it is seeing the truth of things as it is and and observing the reality as it is. One doesn't need to torture oneself or be tortured by others to insist that hurts don't exist. Hurts exist from time to time in the reality perceived by the mind through the senses, but how it reacts towards hurtful experiences is its own responsibility. One can choose to be miserable or angry, or one can choose to forbear and let it go and be free.

Untrained minds will easily be influenced by different elements that it perceives or experiences through the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and thinking, to act and react. But through yoga and meditation practice, the mind develops correct understanding towards all the actions and reactions towards all the perceptions of names and forms that are happening in the mind unceasingly.

Minds are being conditioned to think and behave in certain ways and have certain beliefs. Different minds have different ways of thinking and beliefs. Whenever the mind comes in contact with names and forms (objects, opinions, thinking, beliefs, behaviors, ways of doing things and etc) that are similar or agreeable with the thinking and beliefs in one's mind, this mind will generate liking and agreement and will project judgment of 'good', 'right', 'pleasant' or 'positive' onto these names and forms. Likewise, whenever the mind comes in contact with names and forms (objects, opinions, thinking, beliefs, behaviors, ways of doing things and etc) that are different or contradicted with the thinking and beliefs in one's mind, this mind will generate dislike and disagreement and will project judgment of 'bad', 'wrong', 'unpleasant' or 'negative' onto these names and forms.

It's not the experiences being 'bad', or 'wrong', or 'unpleasant', or 'negative' that have the quality to hurt or upset the mind. It's how the mind reacts or chooses to react based on what the mind thinks and believes what things are that is responsible for how the mind feels. The mind chooses to believe "This is hurtful. It's hurting me, I feel hurt, and continues to feeling hurt by this that was hurting me." The mind has the freedom to choose how it reacts towards all the experiences. It's its own responsibility for feeling good or bad, happy or unhappy, pleased or displeased, hurt or unhurt upon coming in contact with different experiences that it likes and dislikes, agrees and disagrees with, wants and doesn't want.

Be free from violent reactions (whether in thoughts, speech or actions) towards undesirable experiences is the basic teaching and practice of yoga and meditation.

There's nothing wrong with how one chooses to express or release one's frustration, anger, unhappiness or hurts. Some people feel better after they express or release their frustration, anger, unhappiness or hurts in some forms of violent behavior. But violent behavior that would hurt oneself and others or objects will not undo something that we don't like or don't agree with, but would generate more unnecessary damages in oneself and others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And after feeling better, it doesn't guarantee that one wouldn't be continue to feel hurt and angry if one continues to hold on onto what the mind believes as hurtful or bad experiences.

It's the correct understanding about why do we feel frustrated, angry, unhappy and hurt, that allows us to let go the unnecessary reactions of frustration, anger, unhappiness and hurts towards all the 'undesirable' experiences. When the mind is free from frustration, anger, unhappiness or hurts, one doesn't need to suppress or express these feelings as there is none. One doesn't need to express or release these feelings through violent behavior to feel better or to feel good about oneself.

As yoga and meditation practitioners, one keeps the conditional subjective thinking and beliefs to oneself about how 'human beings' should or shouldn't think, believe and behave. Allow and respect others to be different from oneself or to have different ways of thinking, beliefs and behavior from oneself, even when one doesn't like and doesn't agree with these thinking, beliefs and behavior. If one doesn't know this teaching and practice of yoga, then even though one identifies as a 'vegetarian' who doesn't eat animal products or doesn't support killing animals for food, one isn't really practicing yoga of non-violence, when one mind is constantly being disturbed and influenced by reactions of frustration, anger, unhappiness and hurts towards undesirable or disagreeable experiences.

If there are people who practice yoga and meditation don't like or disagree with this teaching or practice of yoga about non-violence, they don't have to practice this teaching of yoga. Everyone is free to think, believe and behave the way that they want to think, believe and behave. It's one's freedom as well as one's own responsibility towards the well-being of one's mind.

Be free.

Be free, stop thinking "I am a victim of other people's bad and wrong attitude and behavior"

There's nothing wrong if our mind suffers unhappiness and depression as it reacts with disappointment, feelings of hurt and anger, when it feels disturbed by some unpleasant or undesirable experiences in life. But, this is not necessarily. The mind can be free from suffering of anger, hurts, and all sorts of unhappiness, if it is free from ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion and expectation. This suffering of unhappiness has nothing to do with other people's attitude and behavior, that people should behave in certain ways, but they didn't, or they shouldn't behave in certain ways, but they did.

When our egoistic mind perceives and feels hurt and angry by somebody's actions or speech that it thinks and believes as hurtful or wrong, it's normal that the mind will think and believe that "I am a victim of other people's bad and wrong attitude and behavior", at the same time it expects empathy and sympathy from some other human beings. When it gets the reaction and response that it expected, it feels better about itself by getting the support that it wants and it thinks it deserves. But when it doesn't get the reaction and response that it expected, the mind becomes more disturbed and unhappy, not because of the initial undesirable experience that it had, but it didn't get the support that it wanted and deserved.

Some people feel empathy or sympathy towards other people's suffering, most probably will think that these suffering people should be feeling hurt by other people's bad and wrong behavior unto them, and they should be angry. But this will only feed and intensify the anger and unhappiness in them, it won't help them to be free from the root cause of suffering, which is ignorance and egoism, and their side products of anger, hatred, feelings of hurt, defensiveness, offensiveness, craving and aversion, expectation, and etc.

We need to have the wisdom and courage to admit that 'what we think and thus how we feel' (being victimized, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, unhappy, angry, depressed, and etc), is our very own responsibility. It's not coming from other people's bad and wrong attitude and behavior, or how other people treat us. It's coming from our own mind perception of names and forms, and how our mind reacts based on what our mind believes what things are, under the influence of ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, craving, aversion and expectation.

Under the influence of ignorance and egoism, we expect all human beings should behave in certain ways that we think it should be. We expect ourselves should be treated in certain ways that we think we deserve to be treated. We expect other human beings should treat ourselves or one another in certain ways. When we feel disturbed, hurt, unhappy, disappointed, frustrated, angry, and etc, it's not because of other people's attitude and behavior are bad and wrong according to what our mind believes as bad and wrong, but it is because of our desires, carving, aversion or expectation are not being gratified the way that we think it should be. We are getting something that we don't like and don't want. We are not getting the things that we like and want, the way that we think it should be.

If we truly want to be happy and be free, we need to learn how to let go of the thinking and belief about "I am a victim of other people's bad and wrong attitude and behavior", and stop seeking empathy, sympathy and support from some other human beings. Nobody has the obligation to give anyone extra care, or attention, or special treatment that we think we deserved, the way that we think it should be, to make us feel better.

People are nice to other beings is out of loving kindness, compassion and free-will, it's not an obligation. Be grateful if there are people who are nice and be kind to us. But we cannot expect other people should be nice and be kind to us or to one another.

If other people are not nice and unkind to us or other beings, that is their freedom and their responsibility. We don't have to be disturbed and suffered for other people's attitude and behavior that we think and believe is not nice and unkind. It doesn't mean that we support other people to be bad and wrong, if we are not affected or determined by other people's ignorant behavior. But we don't have to suffer for other people's ignorance. Ourselves are under the influence of ignorance if we think we have to suffer for other people's ignorance. We are suffered is because of our own ignorance.

It requires great degrees of non-attachment, non-identification, self-awareness, self-discipline, correct understanding, patience, perseverance, tolerance, forbearance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, forgiveness and compassion for us to be able to allow the reality to be what it is even if we don't like the reality and disagree with it, and let go of past experiences, not clinging onto the pleasant experiences, nor holding onto the unpleasant experiences, without being disturbed or determined by both pleasant and unpleasant experiences, to be compassionate towards ourselves, by free our mind from feelings of hurts, anger, longing or expectation.

Om shanti.

Don't want to hurt other people's feelings?

Some people say that "hurting other people's feelings" is not their culture. They will not want to hurt anyone's feelings. They don't really appreciate straightforwardness, honesty and truthfulness. They prefer not to express how they feel or what they think (especially it's some negative comments, thinking and feelings,) in front of people, and they will always say nice things like, "You're very good. Thank you." even when they don't think or feel like that at all, but they will complain behind people's backs about they are not good.

They think and believe that by that way, they are free from hurting anyone's feelings at all.

The point is, if we truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, we should not have any negative or bad thinking, feelings, actions and speech at all (even behind other people's back or knowledge). Then we won't need to be untruthful or dishonest, nor have to be hypocrite and tell lies in front of anyone, nor will we say or do anything that will hurt anyone, whether directly or indirectly, whether in front of people or behind people's back.

Unless our mind is completely be free from impurities such like craving and aversion, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, pride, arrogance, animosity and fear that arise from egoism and attachment towards certain personal beliefs and cultural practice, or attachment towards the qualities of names and forms that we like and dislike, agree and disagree with. Or else we won't be free from hurting somebody's feelings at some points.

If we are aware of our mind is not pure and is being over-powered by some bad and negative thoughts or feelings about other people, but we can have self-control not to do or say anything that will hurt them whether directly or indirectly, whether in front of them or behind their backs, then we can say that we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even though there are some negative thoughts and feelings arising and passing away in our mind. We observe these thoughts and let them go, without attachment nor judgment, without reaction nor expression through actions and speech.

How can we say "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... Hurting other living beings is not my culture." when we are over-powered by anger and hatred towards certain people's personality, behavior and actions that we strongly disagree with, and we criticize them and condemn these people to hell, and wish that they will suffer for what they have done?

As well as whether what kind of actions and speech that will hurt other people's feelings or not, has no particular standards that fit all. It depends on individual personality, perception about things, and how they react towards what they perceive. Some people easily get offended and feel hurt by what they perceive as 'not right', 'not nice', 'not good', offensive, or insult, even though nobody say or do anything that seems to be offensive or hurtful.

Those who have transcended egoism and names and forms will not be hurt by any forms of thoughts, actions and speech.

It depends on ourselves, our perception of things, our reactions towards what we perceive, the purity of our mind, to determine whether our feelings will be hurt by anybody's actions or speech. Usually when our feeling is hurt by certain actions or speech, is because those actions and speech is something that we (the ego) dislike and disagree with. Those actions and speech has no quality or power to hurt us unless we perceive them as something 'hurtful', and give them the quality and power to hurt us.

Om shanti.

Trustworthy? Reliability? Betrayal? Disappointment? Hurts?

If we ever feel betrayed by somebody whom we trust, it is our own responsibility. We cannot be angry or blame that person for being unreliable.

The point is, we don't have to trust anyone. We don't have to not trust anyone also. But we deal with everyone as they are, not because how they were in the past, or how they will be in the future.

When we trust somebody, that is because we trust ourselves, to allow ourselves to trust that person. And when that person betrays our trust, we are disappointed by our own trust towards ourselves, not because that person is not reliable. It is our own responsibility to take the risk to trust someone and expect that person to be reliable.

If we truly want to rely on something, it will be only ourselves. And sometimes, or most of the time, we can't even trust ourselves (the one who we think we are). And so, free ourselves from this word 'trustworthy' or 'reliability', or expect ourselves or other people to be 'reliable'.

Before we realize what is the selfless Self that pervades all and everything, we don't even know if this selfless Self, the essence of all and everything, exists or not, as we are ignorant. The thinking mind can't perceive something that is nameless and formless, without qualities, that is beginningless and endless. Just like the mind sees things through the eyes, but the eyes don't see themselves, or the mind couldn't see itself. The mind exists, but only when it is being aware of itself. If the mind is not aware of itself, then whatever the mind perceives through the senses, it takes the name and form of the objects of the senses. The mind becomes what it perceives. That's why the nature of the mind is forever changing and restless.

And so, we can't say to ourselves, "Trust ourselves", as this 'ourselves' of who we think we are, is merely the restless modification of the thinking mind. It is impure, impermanent, and constantly changing. How can we rely on something that is always changing and not pure? We will only hurt ourselves if we rely on 'ourselves'. But, when we realize the essence of all and everything, the selfless Self/the universal consciousness, that is beyond the thinking mind, that is not subject to impermanence of the qualities of names and forms, then we can say, "Trust our Self", or "Surrender to the higher Self", as this selfless, nameless, formless, attributeless Self is unchanging, and uncontaminated by the ignorance, restlessness, or impurities in the mind. It is beyond what our mind believes as good and bad, reliable or unreliable.

Be free.

Om shanti.

Being strong vs real strength...

We think that we need to be strong, hard and aggressive to protect ourselves from being bullied or hurt by other people... But if we are really that strong, why do we still need to "be" strong, hard and aggressive to "protect" ourselves?

That means we are not really strong. We "pretend" to be strong. This is due to low self-esteem, not trusting ourselves, and need to depend on some external "protection shields" of being hard and aggressive to "protect" or to defend ourselves from potential bullies and hurts. Because of this sense of defensiveness, we will become offensive even before other people try to "bully" or "offend" us. In fact, nobody has the intention to bully us, it is our own fear and projection, thinking that "All these people are going to bully me, and so, I have to defend myself, I need to be strong and aggressive, so that I attack them first before anyone attacks me..."

Those who are truly strong, they don't need to show that they are strong by being hard, aggressive, offensive or defensive. Instead their whole being projects gentleness and calmness.

Real strength comes from compassion and wisdom. It is being compassionate and wise. It is being free from doubts, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, pride, arrogance, low self-esteem, aggressiveness, violence, offensiveness, defensiveness, agitation, depression, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and attachment towards qualities of names and forms... There is no fear towards other people's harshness, aggressiveness, bully or "potential" bully, offensiveness, arrogance, jealousy, criticism, condemn, slander, unfriendliness, and etc...

We are able to tolerate, adjust, adapt, accommodate, withstand, forbear and accept...

We are able to accept the reality of the present moment now as it is, not necessarily the way that we like it to be. We are able to adjust, adapt, accommodate, withstand and forbear any uncomfortable conditions and situations that we don't like or disagree with...

We are able to perform actions without being influenced by any impurities in the mind. We are able to perform actions to help everyone including ourselves to evolve, to be peaceful and happy...

We are able to perform all our duties and responsibilities without attachment, without judgment, comparison and expectation. We perform actions and renounce from the result or the fruit of actions...

This is real strength.

We don't need to be hard, aggressive, offensive or defensive to "protect" ourselves from getting bully or hurt from anyone...

It doesn't matter what are the behaviors, actions and reactions of other people towards us, it is our own ego doesn't like or disagree with their behaviors, actions and reactions, and feels irritated and unhappy about them. It is our ego that feels that we are weak, but we don't like to be weak and don't want other people to think that we are weak, and so we "pretend" to be strong, by being hard and aggressive to defend ourselves from any potential "attacks" from anyone...

No one can bully or hurt us but our own mind creations of fear. It is our own mind being ignorant and influenced by impurities... It is absence of compassion and wisdom.

Whenever we feel irritated or getting angry about other people's offensive behavior, it is ourselves being defensive... We feel offended by other people's actions and speech... It is coming from being low self-esteem and feel being intimidated by other people's confidence all the time. This intimidation is not coming from other people. No one can intimidate us unless we allow that to happen by being low self-esteem. It is our own low self-esteem thinking that other people are trying to press us down, or bully us, or hurt us... Even if other people have the intention to intimidate us, but it won't affect us if we are truly confident...

If  we don't like other people to contradict with our actions and speech, we like and want other people to agree and support our actions and speech, as we will feel irritated, frustrated and unhappy when other people don't like and disagree with us or our actions and speech, but out of our own offensiveness and defensiveness, we constantly contradict with other people's actions and speech, criticize and attack other people with harsh speech and aggressiveness, then how can we expect other people not to be offended by our own offensiveness and aggressiveness? And when other people feel offended by our own offensiveness and aggressiveness, and react by being aggressive towards us, and we criticize them as "aggressive people" who bully and hurt us, and blame them for causing us painful sorrow and unhappiness?

When we start to attack other people with aggressiveness to show that "I am stronger than you, and I won't let you bully or hurt me...", then make sure that we will take full responsibility towards the consequences of our aggressive behavior... Don't blame other people for being aggressive towards us.

And if there's somebody is being aggressive towards us even though we didn't offend anyone intentionally, we can choose to be gentle and remain calm, and move away... Allow this person to express what he or she wants to express, and let him or her be irritated and unhappy for being aggressive. We don't have to disturb our own peace and happiness by throwing back aggressiveness towards him or her... Or we can choose to feel offended and start to be aggressive and offensive to defend ourselves and be irritated, frustrated and unhappy.

Om shanti.