When the mind is lost and doesn't know what to think or do

In this present moment

Either standing, or sitting, or lying down, or being in any position that is comfortable

Closing the eyes gently

Staying still for a few moments

It's okay, if the body needs to move and change position

Focus on the space below the nostrils above the upper lip

Be aware of the breathing

Be aware of the air coming in and going out

The air coming in is slightly cold

The air coming out is slightly warm

The mind might wander away

It's okay

Gently bring the mind back onto the breath

No matter how many times the mind wanders away

Gently bring the mind back onto the breath

If the breath is slow, let it be slow

If the breath is fast, let it be fast

If the breath stops coming and going, let it be

Allowing the breath to be what it is

Allowing the mind to be what it is

No judgment

No expectation

It's okay, if the mind is lost in this present moment

It's okay, if the mind doesn't know what to think or do in this present moment

All and everything are impermanent

The breath is impermanent

The calmed or disturbed state of mind is impermanent

The comfortable and uncomfortable sensations are impermanent

The positive or negative thinking is impermanent

The pleasant or unpleasant feelings and emotions are impermanent

The good and bad experiences are impermanent

No clinging towards what is here, that is pleasant and agreeable

No aversion towards something that is here, that is unpleasant and disagreeable

No craving towards something that is not here

Even this, is impermanent.

It's one's own responsibility towards all one's actions and reactions

"It's you and your actions, that is responsible for the state of my mind, that is responsible for why I feel disturbed, hurt, disappointed, and angry, as well as be responsible for why and how I react with damaging and hurtful behavior towards you out of my disturbed, hurt, disappointed, and angry state of mind that is caused by you and your actions. You need to be responsible for your actions. You are responsible for the state of my mind. My mind is in a state of disturbance, hurt, disappointment, and anger, as well as my violent hurtful actions and reactions towards you and your actions, is all due to you and your actions."

Inquire towards this common understanding and reaction of the many minds in this world, where the minds react and feel disturbed, hurt, disappointed, and angry, upon coming in contact with certain actions/reactions/expressions/speech/behaviors of some others that the mind perceives and recognizes as disturbing, hurtful, disappointing, or anger deserving, that it thinks and believes as what is responsible for the reactions from the others.

It's true that all and everyone is responsible for one's own actions and the consequences of one's actions.

But one must also understand that one's own reactions, or how oneself (chooses to) reacts towards the actions and reactions of the others and their consequences, or towards whatever one perceives and experiences, it's also one's own responsibility.

All and everyone are responsible for their own actions and reactions, as well as the consequences of all that.

It's one's own freedom of choice under the influence of one's own understanding and non-understanding, towards all one's actions and reactions, and be responsible for the consequences of that, as well as be responsible towards the states of one's mind.

It's one's own freedom of choice and responsibility towards how oneself wants to act and react in certain way, or not, towards whatever oneself comes in contact with, or perceives and experiences.

It's one's own freedom of choice and responsibility towards one's way of thinking, belief and disbelief, understanding and non-understanding, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, acceptance and non-acceptance, desires and don't desires, action and non-action, reaction and non-reaction, and feel or don't feel (the restless modifications of one's mind), as well as towards the consequences of all that.

It's one's own freedom of choice and responsibility towards whether oneself wants to free one's mind from ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness, or not.

Different minds act, and react differently towards the same name and form, experience, affair, event, condition, or situation, under the influence of the many different ways of thinking, belief and disbelief, understanding and non-understanding, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, acceptance and non-acceptance, desires and don't desires, and feel or don't feel.

It is not the particular name and form, experience, affair, event, condition, or situation, has certain quality that is determining how all minds should act and react in certain way, or not.

The mind that understands this, it understands that all the minds that have such common (incorrect) understanding and reaction, it's because these minds are functioning under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness, or under the absence of correct understanding.

The mind that understands this, it won't be disturbed or determined by the different actions and reactions of all and everyone, and the consequences of all that. All and everyone has the freedom and responsibility towards the states of themselves (their states of mind), towards their modifications of mind, and towards all their actions and reactions under the influence of their own understanding and non-understanding.

The minds that would act and react in the way that is violent, damaging, and hurtful towards oneself and others, it's because they are not well. They are ill (mentally unwell). These are the minds that would be disturbed, hurt, disappointed, or angry by the disagreeable/unpleasant/damaging/hurtful actions and reactions of some other minds that are also unwell, that are restless/peaceless, that are ignorant, that are in suffering, due to the presence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness.

Why would a mind that understands this, that is devoid of ignorance and egoism, would be disturbed, hurt, disappointed, or angry by the actions and reactions of the many minds in this world that are unwell, that are restless/peaceless, that are ignorant, that are in suffering, that are acting and reacting in the way that is damaging and hurtful towards oneself and others, due to the presence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness in themselves?

Why would someone who has correct understanding be angry with a stone or a wall that is there being what it is, that oneself ran into and got hurt, while intentionally hurting oneself further more by kicking and punching the stone or the wall, out of anger and hurt, in order to revenge?

Meanwhile, one can choose to act in certain way, or not, in this world, without being disturbed or determined by the ignorant actions and reactions of the others.

"A's action and reaction is A's own freedom of choice and responsibility. B's action and reaction towards A's action and reaction is B's own freedom of choice and responsibility."

Before the mind realizes the truth of selflessness and impermanence, or when the mind is still functioning under the presence of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, then the states of mind is autonomously being influenced/determined by the influential energy fields and elements (Gunas) that fuel the selfless existence and function of the mind, or be determined and disturbed by the selfless mind perception of names and forms perceived through the senses, of whatever the mind comes in contact with, perceives, or experiences. But, the mind can transcend all that, under the absence of the idea of 'I' and attachment, and no longer be influenced/determined/disturbed by all that, including the different energy fields a.k.a states of mind, that are selfless and impermanent, through annihilating the veil of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, by quieting and silencing the restless selfless modifications of the mind.

That is the true and highest freedom, knowledge, and power.

That is liberation.

Inquire the truth of everything, and be free.

It's not about can't let go, it's about don't want to let go

Many minds think, believe, and say that they can't let go or don't know how to let go.

It's actually they don't want or reluctant to let go. That's all.

"I am hurt and suffering. I don't deserve this. I want them/him/her/someone else to be hurt and suffer as well. They/He/She/Someone else deserve(s) this."

Similarly, in all kinds of unpleasant, undesirable, or disagreeable experiences/conditions/affairs/interactions.

If (it) is something unpleasant, undesirable, and disagreeable, if (it) is something hurting, if (it) is something burning hot, just let (it) go.

Can't really blame anyone or anything, if the mind doesn't want or reluctant to let go.

Be free.

When the mind is in a state of great disappointment and despair

When the mind is being over-whelmed by the continuous hammering of repeating dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, anger, grief, sorrow, or hurt, it's normal that the mind will be in a state of great disappointment and despair, where it is lost, doesn't know what to do with itself and life existence anymore, where it doesn't care about its own well-being, not to say, to care for the well-being of others, where life, or continuing living seems to be meaningless no matter what, where it is under going a state of exhaustion or burnout dealing with certain prolonged challenging, difficult, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful, sorrowful, unpleasant, undesirable, and disagreeable affairs in its personal life, and/or in the world.

When that is happening, the mind needs to have the initiation of wanting to be free from that state of the mind, and have the basic ability to help itself,  which is by reminding itself, that all these are impermanent. It will pass away eventually, without judgment or expectation.

Then the mind can try to move the attention away from all that, to be focusing on something else. Such as taking a rather long 'leave' from certain worldly duty and responsibility, or from study, or from work, or from family, or from a relationship, or from friends circle, or from the community, or from the social medias, and go travelling somewhere, and learning new things, not for building more new friendships or relationships, or to achieve something and be successful, but merely to be focusing on oneself, alone, for a prolonged period, not just for a short few days or few weeks.

The mind can also try to restore or boost its energy level by engaging in a more 'uplifting' lifestyle, such as engaging in certain gentle form (non-violence/non-aggressive way) of physical and mental fitness training activities, that involve twisting, forward bending, backward bending, side bending, inversion, balancing, and chest opening physical movements, and engaging in critical thinking mental training that involve attention, focus, and reasoning, as well as consuming a diet that can help to uplift the energy level, even if all these physical and mental effects are also impermanent, that can help to energize and uplift the state of mind for some time, but it's not the solution.

When the mind is able to divert its attention onto something else, and have a few moments of quietness and calmness, while regaining certain energy level through engaging in a more 'uplifting' lifestyle, then the mind can start to observe or look into all those challenging, difficult, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful, sorrowful, unpleasant, undesirable and disagreeable affairs/experiences/conditions/situations/events that the mind thinks and believes is the cause of its state of great disappointment and despair, to understand what is really happening in the mind, by standing as a 'third party' looking into its own modification or thought activities, and performs inquiry towards what is the real cause of the despair state of mind.

It requires certain degrees of independence, patience, forbearance, acceptance, determination, non-association, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, and non-expectation, for the mind to help itself to recover or come out from the prolonged energy exhaustion or burnout.

If the mind doesn't know how, or reluctant to help itself, and would rather to be continuing drowning in such despair state of mind, where it can't look after its own well-being, can't perform daily tasks for everyday living, can't think properly, can't eat, can't sleep, can't work, or can't enjoy anything, then that is its own freedom and desire.

That's why it's highly important for the minds to be developing certain degrees of independence, patience, forbearance, acceptance, determination, non-association, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, and non-expectation, before it comes to the point of 'drowning in great despair' upon dealing with too much over-whelming and hammering life experiences.

It's not about trying to help the world to be a better place. It's not about trying to be a good person. It's not about trying to be perfect or exceptional. It's not about running away from difficulties, duties and responsibilities. It's merely about do one's best to be looking after oneself.

When the mind is well or fit enough to be looking after its own well-being, then only it can look after its worldly duties and responsibilities, its family, its relationships, its friendships, its community, its study, its work, or the surrounding environment, properly.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Want to learn and practice yoga? (19)

Many minds are being disturbed by all kinds of ceaselessly growing 'wrongfulness' and 'suffering that derived from wrongfulness' in the world, while getting anxious and worried towards the world is getting more and more damaged, and hence, they perform certain actions with the intention, desire or aspiration to help the world to become a better place, to save the world from being further damaged by the many 'wrongfulness' of the selfish greedy minds, however, at the same time, they are being determined, disturbed, influenced, frustrated, disappointed, angered, exhausted, intimidated, broken and hurt by the condition and situation in the world that seems like not getting any better, but is getting worse, after they have tried to perform certain actions with the expectation towards the condition and situation in the world has to be and not to be in certain way, as these minds are not free from the influence of egoism, even if they might be practicing some kind of yoga practice, where they don't know what is non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-comparison, non-judgment and non-expectation, and there is passionate intention/desire/aspiration towards creating a world that has more goodness or positivity, and less badness or negativity.

It's good to have people who want the world to be free from all kinds of 'wrongfulness', however, 'wrongfulness' might mean differently in the many different worldly thinking, belief, values and practice.

Disturbed, angered, worried and disappointed minds are easily be manipulated by the selfish greedy minds to be unwittingly helping them to achieve their greedy desires or ambitions. The more anxious of the minds trying to make things right, the easier the minds are being manipulated in certain way that don't really help to make things right.

On one side, it seems like those who are practicing yoga of dispassion and renunciation, of silence and solitude, are being at peace and quietness, by renouncing worldly actions, not going against anything, being unconcerned, or being care-less towards all kinds of worldly egoistic affairs, and hence, it is highly welcoming by the selfish world of discrimination, power and greed, as if more people retreat from the society to go into seclusion, closing the eyes and ears, and staying away from getting involved with the worldly selfish political agendas, there will be less obstacles for the selfish greedy minds to do whatever they want, to gratify all their greedy desires and ambitions.

On another side, those who know what is yoga, who are truly dispassionate and renouncing the world, are the ones who know how to be performing many selfless actions that would bring certain uplifting improvement in the world that is full of ignorance and the consequences of ignorance, but at the same time, they are not being determined, disturbed, influenced, frustrated, disappointed, angered, exhausted, intimidated, broken, or hurt by all kinds of ignorant thinking and behavior in the world, of worsening condition and situation in the world, without passionate intention, desire or aspiration to make the world to become a better place, without expectation towards the condition and situation in the world has to be and not to be in certain way, and without the need of receiving any attention, support, acknowledgement, acceptance, agreement, accreditation, appreciation or thankfulness from the world. There's no attachment or identification towards the sense of goodness, righteousness, positiveness or meaningfulness that based on any particular worldly egoistic thinking, belief, values and practice.

These minds won't be manipulated by the selfish greedy minds to be unwittingly helping them to achieve their greedy desires or ambitions that inflict suffering onto many others in the world in many ways.

Learning and practicing yoga of dispassion and renunciation, of silence and solitude, is indeed about performing selfless actions that are intentionless, that are free from passionate egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, comparison, judgment, aspiration or expectation.

Detached, unattached, renouncing the world, freeing the mind from being influenced by any particular worldly passionate egoistic thinking, belief, values and practice, and then come back into the world (or not).

It's not about fighting against the ignorance in all the other minds in the world, it's about freeing this mind from ignorance and egoism, and it will know what to do with the world that is full of ignorance and the consequences of ignorance, at peace.

Most people want peace for all, some want peace but not for all, some don't want peace at all, while some want to gain more power and wealth from inflicting unrest in the world.

Above all, it's not about right or wrong, but for those who really want to free one's mind from ignorance, should try to avoid consuming any kind of intoxicants that influence the state of the mind and behavior, where one might be loosing self-control over one's behavior being over-powered by the effect of intoxicants, that might cause unnecessary damage to oneself and others during those few moments under the influence of intoxicants. There's nothing wrong and it's everyone's freedom if people want to enjoy certain intoxicants to momentarily escape from certain frustrations and difficulties in life, especially those who think they are not being over-powered by the intoxicants that they consume without loosing the clarity of the mind or self-control over their behavior.

Inquire towards the truth of everything.

When doubt, confusion, discomfort, disappointment or suffering arise on the path of yoga

Minds that are interested in practicing and realizing yoga, might experience certain discomfort or suffering, disappointment, confusion and doubt from time to time.

There's nothing wrong when the mind experiences great physical/mental/emotional discomfort or suffering, disappointment, or doubt and confusion from time to time due to the intense gross and subtle mind purification process. It doesn't mean that one has not practicing correctly, or one is not heading towards the right direction towards the realization of yoga.

It's whether the minds are endowed with the basic correct understanding towards the modification of the mind, and whether the minds have developed certain degrees of dispassion, non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, non-comparison and non-expectation, or not, that influencing whether the minds will keep going, or give up, or take a break. There's neither right nor wrong in any approach.

The paths are many, not just the different path of different lineage, but everyone is actually walking their very own path, alone by themselves, as they follow the path of any particular lineage.

All are heading towards yoga, unless the path is not about realizing universal non-discriminative unconditional birthless deathless infinite peace of selflessness, oneness, attributelessness, namelessness and formlessness.

May it be it's a rather smooth path or a challenging path, a shorter path or a longer path, or even a seemingly infinite restless path that never come to an end, or keep looping on and on, but even so, any path will come to an end, or vanish, upon the annihilation of the mind born out of ignorance, as the Gurus and Buddhas in the past had claimed that anyone can attain liberation, and be free from restlessness, or the loop of restless births and deaths born out of ignorance, as taught in the Scriptures, and hence, the practice is there to lead the aspirants reaching the Self-realization of selflessness, oneness, non-separateness, attributelessness, namelessness and formlessness, upon the annihilation of ignorance.

The smoothness and the length of the path, is very much influenced by the degrees of ignorance, and the process that it takes towards the complete annihilation of ignorance.

Everyone is walking on their own path, alone, as they start walking.

Everyone might or might not cross path with the others at some stage.

Even when one thinks that it is walking on one particular path together with a partner or with a group of many others following the similar path, everyone evolves at their own pace and cause. Some move faster, some move slower, some stop, some take another path, and so on. Even when one thinks that it is carrying another one walking on the path, in one's pace, each will also evolve at their own cause.

Not every disciple of the same Guru of the same lineage will be successfully attain the same realization as the Guru did, or attain the same realization at the same pace and same cause as the Guru did.

No matter how much obstacle, difficulties and challenges that one encounters along the path, and how long the path will take to reach the destination, or how much goodness, joyfulness, thankfulness and meaningfulness that one experiences along the path, whatever happens along the path, it's all subject to impermanence. Everything is still the manifestation of Maya, or ignorance.

If there's passion, attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, then the path would appear to be infinite and never reaching the destination.

The higher of the degrees of passion, attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, the further the destination appears to be.

The lower of the degrees of passion, attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, the closer the destination appears to be.

And the degrees of those defilement might change from time to time, until all are eliminated and the path comes to an end as one arrives at the destination upon the complete annihilation of ignorance.

The path of yoga is not like a road in this world that has a particular shape and length of fixed mileage or km from where one begins moving towards the destination. This path of yoga is always here, as it is, in the present moment where the mind is and how the state of the mind is. One just keeps walking (practicing) until the destination appears as it is (The realization of the truth of selflessness, oneness, non-separateness, attributelessness, namelessness, formlessness, birthlessness, deathlessness.) There isn't a path of any particular shape and length in front of where one is, and there isn't a path of a particular shape and length from where one had started until where one is. It is always in the present where one is and how one is.

There's no specific 'direction' of a specific 'place' to reach yoga. One is not going anywhere of any particular direction to find yoga at any particular place somewhere else on the path of yoga. Yoga is always right here, right now, where the mind is. It's just whether the veil of ignorance is present or absent, that determines whether the mind realizes or doesn't realize. How long one has been walking on the path, and whatever one experiences along the path, doesn't determine the realization or non-realization of yoga, but the moment the veil of ignorance vanishes, yoga appears as it is, and it's never separated from all and everything.

The path manifests as it is as one starts walking (as one starts practicing), the path vanishes as the destination appears (as one attains Self-realization). All kinds of practice vanishes upon the attainment of Self-realization. There is no path being manifested if one doesn't practice or stops practice. The path manifests as it is as one begins practice, or resumes practice.

Inquire the truth of everything, and be free.

Keep practicing.

Alone you have to fly to the Alone. You are born alone. You will go alone. You will take nothing from this world. O man! your social relationships are only temporary. They are only aids in exhausting certain Karmas, nothing but these.

 

你必须独自飞往单独。你独自而来。也将会是独自而去。你并不会从这个世界上带走些什么。人啊！你所有的社会关系都只不过是暂时性而已。它们只是在帮助我们消耗某些因果业报，只不过是这些而已。

  

  - Swami Sivananda, Essence of Vedanta

Not all yoga teachers are free from ignorance and egoism

Some yoga teachers are disturbed, frustrated, irritated, angry and hurt by certain things in the world that their minds perceived as 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable', 'inhumanity', and 'suffering'.

There's nothing wrong with any kind of reaction, as everyone is free to act and react as they are, and most minds would react in such way under the influence of ignorance and egoism. Because of ignorance, they are being ignorant of these reactions are out of ignorance and egoism, but instead, they would think and believe that human beings should be reacting in such way out of loving kindness and compassion, while those who don't react in such way are lack of loving kindness or compassion.

Not all yoga teachers are free from ignorance and egoism. It's normal that there are some yoga teachers are being disturbed by what their minds perceived as 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable', 'inhumanity' and 'suffering' based on certain worldly social/cultural/spiritual/religious/humanity belief, values and practice, and yet, they don't really know what is going on in their minds, while thinking that they and other human beings should be reacting in such way out of loving kindness or compassion. But not really.

Many yoga teachers in the world are like everyone else, taking their own time to evolve, to free their minds from ignorance and egoism at their own pace, while conducting yoga classes for some other people to be learning and practicing yoga with them for whatever reasons, intentions and expectations.

None can 'advise' or 'enlighten' the minds that are still functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism, including many of the Internationally certified/qualified 'yoga teachers' in the world, who think and believe that they love yoga very much, and claiming that themselves are quiet experienced in practicing and teaching yoga, as they have been practicing and teaching yoga for quite many years already. But all those years of experience in practicing and teaching yoga under Internationally recognized certification and qualification, as well as how much the mind thinks and believes that it loves yoga very much, cannot determine that the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, even when they think and believe that themselves are compassionate loving and kind beings who want to spread love, happiness and peace into the world.

Many people might also be doing many social charity work for the community in the world. It's excellent for people to be reaching out and helping each other in the world. But performing many good actions for many years also doesn't and cannot determine that the mind is free from ignorance and egoism.

All these Internationally certified and qualified 'yoga teachers' are also doing their best to purify and quiet their minds, to free their minds from ignorance, egoism and impurities, to allow their minds to see the truth of things as it is, to realize selflessness, oneness, non-separateness, attributelessness, namelessness and formlessness, to be free from all kinds of disturbs and suffering deriving from ignorance and egoism, to realize unconditional love and peace, being undetermined and undisturbed by all the different qualities of name and form or impermanent pleasant/unpleasant/agreeable/disagreeable/desirable/undesirable life experiences that the selfless mind perceives through the senses, according to what the yoga teachings and practice is about.

If the mind is still functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism, then most probably the mind is also being ignorant towards the ignorance and egoism existing in itself, and hence, not many 'yoga teachers' are aware of the ignorance and egoism in their minds, even though they practice and teach about awareness or mindfulness, and they are still being passionate towards worldly egoistic affairs and relationships, while being disturbed and determined by the perception of names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses of sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, feelings/emotions, and thoughts process of likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, actions and reactions based on their intellectual understanding, knowledge and belief. The mind is still functioning under egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment and expectation, and hence constantly react towards the absence and presence of names and forms/experiences that the mind likes and dislikes, desires and doesn't desire, agrees and disagrees with, and be disturbed and affected physically/mentally/emotionally very much by the absence of something likable/desirable/agreeable and the presence of something dislikable/undesirable/disagreeable, based on certain worldly egoistic social/cultural/spiritual/religious/humanity thinking and belief.

The minds that realized selflessness and compassion, being free from ignorance and egoism, will be aware of all the pleasant and unpleasant, desirable and undesirable, agreeable and disagreeable experiences, events, happenings, conditions and situations, but these minds are not being influenced, affected, disturbed or determined by all those names and forms, as these minds are free from the egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation. These minds don't deny or ignore all those names and forms, but just being aware of it without attachment and expectation towards the perceived reality has to be or not to be in certain way.

These selfless compassionate minds can be performing selfless actions in the world out of compassion, but there's no attachment, identification or expectation towards the action and the fruit of action. There's no disturbs or suffering in these minds while being aware of the many kinds of suffering that exist in the world and upon coming in contact with names and forms that are unpleasant, undesirable, or disagreeable.

The selfless compassionate minds are free from disturbs and suffering, even though they are aware of there are many things in the world that are being perceived as 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable' and 'inhumanity' that are going against 'righteousness', 'loving kindness' and 'humanity' based on the worldly passionate thinking and belief, where many passionate egoistic minds who love and care for the world passionately, are very much being disturbed by all the things that are 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable' and 'inhumanity', while thinking and believing that themselves are being disturbed is 'the normal reaction and the right thing to do out of loving kindness', while those who don't react the same like them, who remain equanimous in peace, being undisturbed by what is happening in the world would be perceived and recognized by the passionate loving egoistic minds as 'lack of loving kindness', 'wrong', 'inhumanity' and 'abnormal'. There's nothing wrong with that kind of reaction, understanding and thinking, as these minds are not aware of their minds are under the influence of ignorance and egoism, that their minds are being disturbed is due to ignorance and egoism, and out of passionate love and hatred towards what they think is love or hatred deserving.

These minds that are being disturbed and angered by something that they perceived and recognized as 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable', 'inhumanity' and 'suffering', while thinking and believing that they are acting and reacting out of compassionate loving kindness, only indicates that they haven't realized what is compassion. They don't know what is compassion is because they haven't realized selflessness. They haven't realized selflessness is because the mind is still influenced by ignorance, egoism, and impurities, especially passion, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation. Their minds are acting and reacting out of passionate love, not selfless compassion, as the selfless compassionate minds won't be disturbed by all the 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable', 'inhumanity', or the amount of suffering in many beings in the world that derived from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

These minds are being ignorant towards themselves are disturbed by the passionate love, attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation in their own minds. They feel disturbed, frustrated, irritated, angry and hurt by all the things that they perceived as 'bad', 'wrong', 'disagreeable', 'inhumanity' and 'suffering' in the world, is not coming from all those names and forms, but it's how the minds react towards those names and forms out of ignorance and egoism, and they feel disturbed, frustrated, irritated, angry and hurt because things are not being the way that they think, believe, desire and expect how it should be.

Contemplate on what is peacefulness and how to effectively disseminate peace into the world. Contemplate on the essence of the teachings of yoga about unconditional love and peace that is unconditional and unlimited by the impermanent good or bad qualities of name and form that the mind perceives through the senses.

Upon seeing the truth of what is going on in one's mind, one won't be blaming what the mind perceives as bad and wrong things happening in the world for one's mind reaction of disturb, irritation, frustration, anger, hurt, dissatisfaction, disappointment, unhappiness, grief, painful sorrow, or suffering.

Being aware of something is bad and wrong, and the reaction towards something that is bad and wrong, are two different things. It doesn't have to be related together. But, out of ignorance and egoism, most minds constantly react towards what they are aware of.

How can one promote and spread peace into the world by being disturbed and angry towards what the mind thinks and believes is hindering peace in the world?

The liberated peaceful beings in the past were being at peace while living and performing selfless compassionate actions in the world at different era. It wasn't that those beings were being peaceful because there was nothing bad, wrong, disagreeable, inhumanity or suffering existing in the world during those era. If one can only attain peace and be peaceful when there's nothing bad, wrong, disagreeable, inhumanity or suffering existing in the world, then that isn't what unconditional love and peace is about.

Learn how to be undetermined and undisturbed by all the names and forms. Being undisturbed by all the names and forms doesn't mean that one is unconcerned or denying towards what is happening around. Being undisturbed by others' suffering doesn't mean that one is emotionless and doesn't care about others' suffering. The mind that is free from ignorance and egoism is void of disturbs and suffering that is relating to oneself or others, while might be performing certain actions pointing out the ignorance and corruption in the world and guiding the ignorant minds to see the ignorance and corruption in themselves. There's nothing anyone can do if the mind still doesn't get this or understand this.

Be free.

Frustration and disappointment due to lockdown?

During this global epidemic situation in the world, other than anxiety of fear and worry towards contracting illness and confronting death as well as uncertainty towards the aftermath if one survives this epidemic, many people are getting frustrated and disappointed due to the unpleasant/undesirable social/physical distancing or movement restriction undergoing the upmost important process of lockdown for a prolonged period of time to help to contain the epidemic efficiently. Some worry about their family and friends, some worry about their future, some worry about the economy going down and many other things.

There's neither right nor wrong. It's just how different minds think, feel, act and react or behave differently. Everyone has the freedom for how they think, feel, act and react.

The worldly egoistic minds are getting frustrated and disappointed is due to they are unable to be as free as they used to be, to go wherever they want to go, to do whatever they want to do, to eat and play at anytime and anywhere as they like, or to enjoy what they want to enjoy. And they have the rights to feel frustrated and disappointed as much as they like. Some even get angry/furious for certain 'reason' that they think and believe as the cause of this epidemic, blaming this and that for causing them many inconvenience, loss and suffering.

This modification (behavior/reaction) of the mind is merely the reflection of the untrained/undisciplined minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism where the minds are being over-powered by egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation. It's normal that the untrained egoistic minds don't like discipline/restriction or be disciplined/restricted.

The frustration and disappointment that exists in many people is due to their 'normal' habitual routine of constantly gratifying the gross and subtle physical/mental/emotional desire of craving and aversion, whether consciously or subconsciously, is being disrupted mildly or heavily, but also more angry particularly when they think and believe that 'the disruption' is caused by other people and happening that has nothing to do with them. The mind (the ego) doesn't like it and doesn't want this. And that's their freedom of thinking, feeling, action and reaction.

There's no frustration and disappointment, or anxiety of fear and worry towards contracting illness and confronting death, or uncertainty towards the aftermath if one survives this epidemic in the minds that have been well-disciplined, being free from egoism and ignorance, being free from attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation, being in the present moment, being aware of the mind perception of a worldly life existence of impermanent and selfless names and forms powered by cause and effect.

One just do one's best to observe this process of lockdown to help to contain this global epidemic, without attachment, identification or expectation, regardless of if there are some others who don't understand the importance of this process and behaving in the way that they behave, while some others are merely being rebellious disrespecting the process of lockdown or quarantine, and some others might think and believe that they are being 'caring and loving' insisting to go visiting their family and friends, especially those who are elderly and lives alone, whether intentionally or unintentionally, under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

胜不骄 败不馁

胜不骄 败不馁 parenting method vs "Good job, well done, we are so proud of you and you should be so proud of yourself" kind of parenting method.

If more people understand 胜不骄 败不馁 rather than "I need to achieve something and be somebody that will make myself and other people feel proud of", then the psychologists in the world will be out of job.

Broken / complicated relationship involving third party?

Broken/complicated relationship involving third party is not something uncommon nowadays.

There might be different kinds of situation exist in any relationship. It doesn't matter what kind of situation, most people would think and believe and expect that two people should commit themselves to be loyal and faithful towards one another being in a 'committed' relationship, if oneself has no sincerity to be 'committed' and 'faithful' in a relationship, then just don't get into a relationship with anyone, as whether wittingly or unwittingly, oneself will cause 'hurts' to the other person in the relationship with oneself. But in many relationships, two people have love for each other in the beginning, and want to be in a relationship together, but after some time, the 'feeling of love' is less, or is not there anymore, where they don't feel love towards the partner anymore, and either they don't want to be in the relationship anymore, or they would want to look for the 'feeling of love' in other love affairs/relationships with other people.

For example, A and B is in a so called 'committed' relationship, while B is also having an open or secret love affair/relationship with C.

In such relationship that involved 'third party', most people would think that A is the 'victim', while B and C are the 'selfish and immoral' bad people that are hurting A. A should deserved sympathy and support from others, while B and C should be blamed and condemned for being 'selfish and immoral and hurtful'. But for those who understand 'love' and 'relationship', no one is being a 'victim' and no one is being 'selfish/immoral/hurtful' bad people in a broken/complicated relationship.

There's neither right nor wrong in 'love relationship' even if it's 'broken', whether with or without involving third party. It's just a relationship didn't turn out to be the way that most people desire/expect it to be, as well as there's no 'love' in such relationship. And there's nothing wrong if there's no 'love', or an expected relationship is non-existing, or a relationship is discontinued, for any reason.

If there's love in the relationship, the relationship won't be broken/damaged, it's either a relationship that continues or discontinued/came to an end, due to any reason, in peace. If there's love from oneself towards the partner, one will have loving kindness, self-control and decency to not commit in any behavior that would be 'hurtful' to the partner in the relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Even if there's 'feeling of love' in the relationship in the beginning, and the 'feeling of love' is impermanent, it will change and disappear. But, if there's love, then even though sometimes the 'feeling of love' is less, or not there anymore, one will still be kind to the partner in the relationship with oneself, and would not behave in the way that would be 'hurtful' to the partner, not because of the sense of 'commitment' or 'obligation' towards a 'committed' relationship, but out of loving kindness.

There's nothing wrong either if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry thinking and believing oneself is being 'a victim' of other people's unloving/unfaithful/hurtful/immoral behavior. Everyone has the rights and freedom to feel what they want to feel and react the way that they want to react. But then, one must also understand that if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry, it's because one doesn't really love the partner as he/she is, one only loves one's desire and expectation towards the partner and the relationship has to be in certain ways. One has desire and expectation towards the relationship and the partner to be in certain way, and when things turn out to be not the way that one desires or expects, when one is getting something that one doesn't like, doesn't want and doesn't agree with, and when one is losing what one likes (the relationship and the partner being in certain ways that one desires it to be), or what one likes (the perfect faithful loving partner/relationship) is no longer available, or is 'disturbed', or has changed into something else, that's why one feels hurt/disappointed/angry. It's not because the partner or the relationship is 'bad' and 'wrong' that cause the 'hurts/disappointment/anger' in oneself, but, it's because one doesn't love the partner as he/she is, but only loves what one likes/desires/expects.

It's how everyone/human beings/the untrained egoistic minds react towards 'ungratified desires' of "This is not what I like and want and expect.", or "I am not getting what I like and want, but I'm getting what I don't like and don't want." or "This is something wrong/bad/hurtful/undeserving happening to me."

If there's correct understanding towards 'love' and 'relationship', then there would be no hard/hurtful/bitter feelings where people can let go the relationship in peace, one won't see oneself as 'a victim of the unfaithfulness/betrayal of the partner in a broken relationship' or 'a victim of the intrusion of the lover of one's partner that causes my relationship to be broken'. And there's no blame or condemn towards the partner and the lover that they should be guilty for being 'the selfish bad people that cause this relationship to be broken/damaged'.

This is really nothing to do with whether the partner and his/her lover in the love affair/relationship are being 'selfish', 'unfaithful', 'disloyal', 'immoral', 'bad' and 'wrong', or not. It's about how oneself thinks, understands, feels and reacts being in such situation, where one's partner is involved in a love affair/relationship with another person.

If a person would commit in a love affair/relationship with another person other than the one in a relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly, it indicates that this person doesn't really 'love' the partner. He/she loves it's desire for satisfaction. When he/she is not satisfied with his/her partner, when he/she is not getting what it desires/expects from the partner, he/she will be looking for something/someone else to gratify its desire for satisfaction, love, passion, pleasure, interaction, or lust. And that's common 'human's nature', or the normal behavior of the untrained minds under the influence of desires.

Everyone has the rights or freedom whether they want to love anyone, or don't want to love anyone, or stop loving someone, or having too much 'feeling of love' that needs to be shared with many people at the same time, or want to be in many different love affairs/relationships at one time, or whether they are satisfied/dissatisfied being in a 'committed' relationship with somebody.

If one truly loves the partner in the relationship with oneself, one will love this person as he/she is, even if the partner doesn't love oneself, or stop loving oneself, or being 'the god/goddess of love' who needs to 'love' as many people as possible. One doesn't need to be in a relationship with this person, to possess this person to be mine. One doesn't expect this person to be faithful and loyal, or expect the love from this person doesn't change, or won't disappear, or 'should be for me only'. One allows this person to have or don't have the 'feeling of love' for oneself, or stop loving oneself, or doesn't love oneself, or prefer to love and be with someone else. One can let go the person that doesn't love oneself, or let go a relationship that doesn't have 'love' or couldn't continue, in peace, and allow this person to love and be with other people that he/she loves.

One won't feel hurt/disappointed/angry towards the partner who doesn't love oneself or towards the relationship that is not the way that how most people would like it to be. Because if the partner loves oneself, then there's no need any expectation from oneself, without the sense of obligation to be committed and be faithful in a relationship with oneself, but out of loving kindness towards oneself, he/she will have self-control and decency, where he/she will not do anything that would cause 'hurts' or 'damages' to oneself or this relationship, not even behind one's knowledge, regardless of whether there's the 'feeling of love' existing, or not. One would know how to 'keep a respectful distance' with others who have the tendency to 'fall in love' with oneself, as one doesn't need to look for satisfaction in 'love affairs/relationships'.

One cannot expect 'love' from anyone, but allowing others whether to 'love' oneself, or not. One cannot expect how other people should love oneself or behave in a relationship, but allowing others to love us the way as they are. There's no such thing as "Once you love me and being in a 'committed' relationship with me, you will have to be forever faithful and loyal to me, and loving me only." And if, one realizes that the partner doesn't love oneself, one can choose to continue or let go the relationship, in peace, without bitterness. There's neither right nor wrong, either way.

There's even no need of 'forgiveness', if one truly loves the partner as he/she is, even if the partner is being unfaithful, as one is undisturbed/unhurt by the partner's 'unfaithfulness' at all, but would let go of him/her and the relationship. One doesn't feel bad about oneself or thinking that one is not good enough, if the partner doesn't love oneself, if one knows love.

Unfortunately, many people couldn't let go in peace, and be disturbed by hard/hurtful/bitter/angry feelings that doesn't help to make things better, and might do things that hurt oneself or the partner and the people whom the partner loves.

There's nothing wrong if one realizes that oneself doesn't love the partner, and one should be honest and straightforward to let this person knows that "I don't love you." or "I don't feel love for you." or "I don't want to be with you in a relationship." or "I want to be with someone else." This honesty won't hurt, if people are matured enough to understand 'love' and 'relationship'. But it would cause deeper 'hurts/disappointment/anger/hatred' by being untruthful to oneself and the partner, pretending that one loves the partner very much, but in truth, one doesn't love the partner, and one won't be satisfied being with that partner, and would try to find satisfaction in some other love affairs/relationships with other lovers. People who are matured enough would let go the person whom they love very much to be with the people whom this person loves, in peace. That's love.

When two people don't hurt one another out of dissatisfaction/disappointment/anger/hurts, then even though there's no 'feeling of love' from one or both of them, or they are not in a relationship, that's love. Where/what is love, if one or two people keep hurting each other out of feeling of hurts/anger/disappointment being in a relationship that is not the way that they like it to be?

If people are not matured enough to accept 'honesty' or 'the truth' in peace, when people whom they think they love very much are being honest and straightforward telling them that "I don't love you." or "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." or "I want to love and be with someone else.", then it's their own responsibility if they don't like that honesty or the truth, and react with feeling hurt/disappointed/angry for losing what they like and want, or not getting what they like and want, but getting what they don't like and don't want. And this relationship won't be peaceful and harmony anyway, even if they continue to be in a relationship, because they don't really love whom they think they love very much. There will be lots of 'tension' and 'unhappiness' derived from 'ungratified desires' and 'expectation' in this relationship all the time.

Be free, to love or be loved, or not.

Learn how to free the mind from all kinds of disturbs or hurts

When a mind/person feels disturbed, unhappy, angered, disappointed or hurt by something, usually the impulsive reaction will be expecting some kind of sympathy or empathy from other minds/people, and looking forward to be comforted, loved, looked after, acknowledged, or supported by other minds/people. And most minds/people would also think and believe that that is how people should react towards other people's state of minds that are disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed or hurt, to be there to be listening to what they think is disturbing their minds and comforting these suffering minds/people by showing them love, care, acknowledgement and support, to be sharing and lessening their 'unhappiness' or 'suffering', in terms of generating a 'loving kindness' society/community. There's nothing wrong with that and it might give the troubled/disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt minds certain degrees of relieve, to feel better, but it doesn't help them to be free from the root cause of the suffering from disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. Instead, most probably it might be unintentionally empowering or feeding the attachment, clinging, craving or expectation in people’s mind.

Just like giving sugary fizzy drinks to the unhappy kids might make them feel happy, but they would crave for more sugary drinks to make them feel happy. As once the craving is being gratified, it would only intensify the craving. And if their craving is not being gratified, they would be more unhappy. That's not freedom at all.

There's clinging, craving and expectation towards receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, even though there's nothing wrong with receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, as this is what most worldly minds/people believe and expect the society/community/family/relationship/friendship should be, but the mind is not free. If for some reasons, the mind doesn't get what it thinks and believes it deserves to be getting from others, it will be more disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt and would do things that would hurt itself and/or others. This is not freedom.

As well as most egoistic minds would want to feel that they are needed by others to feel good and meaningful about themselves and their life existence, that they are capable to give and show love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support to others who 'need' them. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, just that these minds would feel bad or meaningless if for some reasons they think that they are not needed by some others, or when they think that other people do not appreciate what they give. This is not freedom.

Only those who can go beyond worldly thinking and belief can penetrate the real meaning of this teaching and practice. It doesn't mean that everyone in the society will become 'cold', 'heartless' or 'lack of sympathy/empathy', but the minds are free from clinging, craving or expectation towards receiving the 'deserving' love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support from others to feel loved, cared, worthy, comforted, acknowledged or supported, to feel good and meaningful, by knowing what is going on in the mind and be free from ignorance and egoism, and thus, be free from all kinds of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. One doesn't need anyone to be there to be listening to one's 'troubles', 'unhappiness' or 'hurts', to be 'comforted', as there's no trouble, unhappiness or hurt existing in this liberated mind. One also can give and show sympathy, empathy, love, care and support to others without the attachment, identification, craving, intention or expectation in order to attain good and meaningful feelings towards oneself or one's life existence. That is true freedom and compassion.

Yoga practice such like cleansing technique, breathing exercises, yoga asana exercises, chanting, prayer, or concentration practice, can also give the effects of relieving certain degrees of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment or hurts in the minds, but again, it doesn't stop the mind from continuing be disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed, or hurt by something that they don't like, don't want and don't agree with, that they think is bad, wrong, disturbing, unhappy, frustrating, disappointing, or hurtful, if the mind is not free from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

Those who truly want to learn and practice yoga, it's not about doing some forms of yoga practice to be getting some conditional and impermanent physical/mental/emotional benefits or getting some momentary relief from what they think is painful suffering, but they learn how to free the mind from the root cause of all kinds of suffering, of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts.

Naturally, the society will have more physical/mental/emotional healthy minds/people, where the minds/people realized unconditional love from within, know how to look after themselves and love others unconditionally, being free from clinging, craving, aversion or expectation.

But not many minds/people would understand and appreciate the greatness of this freedom. Most minds/people believe in and want a society/community/family/relationship/friendship that builds on 'needing each other' all the time to feel love, good, happy and meaningful, and to feel less lonely or to escape loneliness. That's how people are being taken advantage by others who have selfish intention being in a relationship or friendship. Even in the world of yoga, some yoga teachers or so called 'gurus' take advantage of the yoga students for their vulnerability when the students longing or expecting to be receiving comfort, sympathy, empathy, kindness, love, care, affection, acknowledgment, or supports from the yoga teachers or 'gurus'.

It's everyone's freedom for what they think or don't think, believe or disbelieve, want and don't want. People don't have to practice yoga of freeing the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, but just want to do some yoga practice regularly and engaging in social/community activities, to attain some momentary physical/mental/emotional benefits or relief, to attain some kinds of conditional and impermanent good, positive, loving, happy and meaningful feelings.

Work diligently to free the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, if one wants to attain or realize this freedom.

Help oneself, love oneself, take care oneself

There are those who would lie and steal, and keep telling untrue pitiful stories to themselves and others to justify their own ignorance and ignorant life decision making and behavior and the consequences of their ignorance.

People don't like to take responsibility for their ignorance and the consequences of their ignorance, but they like to tell themselves and other people about their pitiful life stories of how pitiful/helpless is their tragic and sympathy deserving difficult and challenging life conditions and situations in order to get other people's sympathy, moral and financial support, but actually in truth, most of the difficulties and challenging life conditions and situations are deriving from their ignorant thinking/belief/behavior/decision making and their passionate lustful desires and greedy ambitions of living a passionate enjoyable comfortable lifestyle with big money spending high living expenses as well as having children and grandchildren that they couldn't manage to support emotionally/financially, or to bring up properly with patience and the correct guidance, but the ignorance of themselves has become the children's 'role model' of what they are becoming, of getting into financial debts, messy troubles and broken relationships with children at young age, where they don't have the emotional/financial support, patience and correct guidance that their children need from the parents, and 'out of desperation', they would lie and steal and telling themselves and other people about untrue pitiful stories of themselves that they deserve to get sympathy, help, love, care and support from other people.

The grandchildren are unwittingly becoming exactly like their parents and grandparents, if this ignorance doesn't stop, if these grandchildren don't know how to think; if they don't help themselves as they expect the deserving help from others; if they don't love themselves as they expect the deserving love from others; if they don't take care themselves as they expect the deserving care and support from others; but just being there in their most sympathy deserving look expecting sympathy, love, affection, care and support from other people, by ceaselessly telling and reminding themselves and others untrue pitiful stories about how much they deserve sympathy, love, affection, care and support from other people, they will become the same as their parents and their grandparents.

People who really want to 'help' others who are living with difficult and challenging life condition and situation, must be aware of this ignorant thinking, belief and behavior in most people.

Most of the time, people might think and believe that themselves are very sympathetic and compassionate people who are generously helping 'those poor pitiful suffering people', by showing people sympathy, help, love, affection, care and support that they think and believe that these people deserved to be getting from other people, but they are actually empowering the ignorance in people as well as in themselves.

Out of this ignorant sympathetic reaction, people keep telling the young children from broken family with financial difficulty that they are so pitiful, that they deserve sympathy, help, love, affection, care and support from other people, without knowing that many of these children would become the victims of people with selfish intention and get caught in young age childbearing, child marriage or sexual exploitation/abuse, because they are longing to receive 'help', 'love', 'affection', 'care' and 'support' emotionally and financially from other people.

If people truly want to help others (young children or adults) who are living with hard and challenging life conditions and situations to come out from that kind of difficult challenging life condition and situation, it's to teach and guide these people towards liberation from ignorance, the root cause of suffering, that how they should learn to help themselves, to love themselves and to take care themselves by freeing themselves from ignorant thinking and behavior and the consequences of ignorance, without the ignorant idea or thinking of 'these poor pitiful suffering people' deserve to be receiving sympathy, or help, or love, or care, or support from other people.

While those who receive sympathy, help, love, care or support from other people need to learn how to be free from the ignorance of the thinking and belief of they should expect or they deserve sympathy, help, love, care and support from other people, and other people are 'obliged' to show them sympathy, help, love, care and support just because they think and believe that their life conditions and situations are somehow more difficult and challenging than many other people.

Many people would justify to themselves that "Out of desperation derived from having to live under difficult and challenging life conditions and situations, they think and believe that it's okay to tell lies and steal and tell 'as pitiful as possible' untrue stories to get moral and financial help and support from other people that they think and believe that they deserve to be getting. And if they don't get what they think they deserve to be getting, they'll get disappointed, unhappy and angry, and when they are disappointed, unhappy and angry, they would do destructive things/actions that would hurt themselves and others, and they blame life and the world for their actions and reactions or behavior, as they think and believe that their destructive hurtful behavior is due to life and the world is being cruel and harsh on them."

While other ignorant minds/people also empower that ignorant idea/thinking/belief about it's because life and the world is being cruel and harsh on people, that's why people would behave like that. "Oh, such pitiful people. They behave like that because life is so hard and cruel on them."

That's the huge ignorance that most minds/people who think themselves are 'good and compassionate human beings' don't see in themselves.

One doesn't need to tell lies and steal, or involve in activities that hurt oneself and others, and doesn't need to behave in a destructive way towards oneself and/or others, no matter how hard and difficult life is, or how cruel and harsh the world is. It's mere ignorance when people justify their self-destructive hurtful behavior as the result of a hard and difficult life that they have. Those who understand, they won't empower this ignorance. Those who don't understand, they would get offended by this teaching. And that's their freedom of thinking, actions and reactions.

The connection between low self-esteem and parenting

There's a huge connection between low self-esteem and the way of the parents bring up their children.

Low self-esteem is a form of mental illness. And there are quite many of the world population are suffering from some forms of mental illness, especially low self-esteem.

The main element that contributes to low self-esteem is the family brought up of how the parents bring up their children, where people are being influenced by the trends of the society on how they bring up their children, where the society emphasize on appearance, performance and achievements to be the important values of self-development individually and as part of a society.

People feel that they need to look and behave and carry themselves in certain ways so that they will be accepted and respected by the family and the society. Their perception towards themselves of what they think is who they are and their life existence is very much being defined by their appearance, performance and achievements that is determined by the expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment and criticism from themselves and other people towards them.

Proudness is the shadow that follows low self-esteem. If low self-esteem is absent, proudness doesn't exist.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem need to feel proud of oneself. This is mainly the responsibility of how their parents brought them up. The parents have expectation towards their children and whether they are aware or unaware, whether intentionally or unintentionally, they are influencing the thinking and belief of their children to become the person that they want them to be and the way that they like it to be, and the way that they think is good for their children. They try to motivate their children to be they way that they like them to be by giving them praise and compliment, and they try to demotivate their children to be the way that they don't like it to be by giving them criticism and punishment. There's always assessment and judgment coming from the parents towards their children for how they look and behave, how they perform physically and mentally, and what they achieve or can't achieve. They will be happy and be nice to their children when their children fulfill their expectation, that they behave and achieve something the way that they like it to be. They won't be happy or be nice to their children when their children didn't fulfill their expectation, that they didn't behave or achieve something the way that they like it to be.

The parents hope that their children are 'good' enough and be competent to be able to compete with other people in the society to excel among the others and to be able to fit in into the higher or better class of the society. They want their children to be successful to be respected by the society and live life meaningfully, according to their thinking and belief about what is success and live life meaningfully.

Many parents will say this to their children, whether they are aware or unaware of the consequences of their action and speech, and whether they really mean what they say, or not. But the children will take it seriously, even if the parents didn't really mean what they say.

"You need to have some sorts of expectation towards yourself to improve and be better. Set up your goal and expectation and strive to achieve your goal and expectation. Then you are considered successful and well-deserved lots of love and happiness and respect from everyone."

 "Good boy/girl! Well done! You make us so proud, mummy and daddy love you so much. Keep it up and be better and better."

"You are so bad and terrible. Can't make anyone proud of you. You don't deserve love from anyone. Mummy and daddy don't want you anymore. We are so disappointed in you."

"If you are like this, mummy and daddy don't want to love you. Look at your sister/brother/friend, they are so much better than you."

"If you achieve this result, we will give you this and bring you there. If you don't, we won't give you this or bring you there. Let you stay at home by yourself. We only bring your brother and sister."

"Say please and thank you, or else, I won't give you what you want."

"Come on, you can do better than this, and you will make everyone proud of you."

"Are you a good boy/girl, or not? This is not good enough, you can be better than this. If you are very good, then people will love you. If you are not good, then no one will love you."

This is how the parents nurture their children to grow up becoming people who suffer from all sorts of mental illness.

 

The parents never teach the children, "We love you unconditionally, as you are. Just do your best in whatever you want to do. It's good if you succeed. It's okay if you don't succeed. Do not let success and failure to determine you. You don't need cheers, motivation, encouragement, appreciation or acknowledgment from anyone to do your best in what you want to achieve. Do not let other people's agreeable or disagreeable reactions and their judgment of praise and criticism to determine you. It's needless to have pride and arrogance to be who you are, even if you are very good and successful. Accept and love yourself and everyone else unconditionally."

They always feel bad and dissatisfied with themselves towards the ability, performance and achievements of their physical body and their mind. They always feel that they need to compare and compete with other people, including their siblings, their spouse, their friends, their classmates, their colleagues, their neighbours, and anybody. There is an instinct to constantly judge their and other people's appearance, ability, performances and achievements to compare and compete with one another. They were being told by their parents to think and believe that they are always not good enough and will never be good enough, that they always have to be better than what they are now. They want to be loved by their parents and everyone, but they think they must first be good enough, and they always afraid of being not good enough for their parents and other people, even though they know they are good enough for themselves. They always longing for praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, especially the parents, siblings, friends and spouse. Or else, they will feel very dissatisfied, disappointed and depressed about themselves and their life.

It's so tiring to try to fulfill the expectation from their parents and the society and themselves, to be good enough that they can be proud of themselves in order to love themselves, and to please everyone expecting people will like and love and be nice to them, for their whole life, in the family, in love relationship, in friendships, in the school, in the workplace, or in the community. They are defined and determined by their actions and the result of their actions, and other people's reaction and treatment towards them to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not.

These children grow up without knowing how to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are, because their parents don't accept and love them as they are, and never teach the children to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are. There's always some form of expectation to determine the presence and degree of acceptance and love.

Those who are free from low self-esteem don't need to feel proud of anything. They don't feel bad or dissatisfied about themselves for being what they are, as they are. They know what they can achieve and what is their limitation. But they are not defined or determined by their achievement or limitation to be who they are. They don't need praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from anyone. They are not affected or disturbed or determined by other people's expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment or criticism towards them. They are not determined or affected by their actions and the result of their actions. They don't need to be good enough the way that how the world think and believe as good enough in order to love themselves. They love themselves as they are, and they love everyone as they are.

This is the essence of yoga.

There are yoga practitioners including some yoga teachers are not free from the suffering of some forms of mental illness, and it's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed about if the mind is not free. Everyone takes their own time to practice and realize the truth and be free.

Be free from ignorant expectation that leads to unnecessary disappointment

All disappointments derived from expectation. Just like any kinds of feelings and emotions, disappointment is also part of the selfless impermanent modification of the mind, and it's not 'I'. While some minds can get over disappointment easily and move on, or hope for better and be driven to strive harder, but there are many minds couldn't get over it, being hammered by huge/repeated/continuous disappointment, and might fall into a state of low self-esteem or depression, affecting one's physical and mental health as well as one's relationships with everyone in life.

Most people think and believe that all human beings need to have some sorts of expectation to motivate and push themselves in everything that they pursue to attain great achievements and to be continuously improving.

In yoga, expectation is merely part of the egoism derived from ignorance, and it is truly unnecessary. When the mind is free from egoism, there's no need to have expectation to motivate or push oneself to be good and be better, or to achieve something. One just do one's best to perform all actions and allow the result of the actions to be what it is, without being determined by the actions or the result of the actions to be 'I', to be happy, and to feel proud and meaningful, or not.

There's no disappointment when the result of the action is not as good as what we think it should be. There's no pride and arrogance when the result of the action is as good as, or even better than what we think it should be.

There's nothing wrong when people feel disturbed, or offended, or disappointed by other people didn't response to their 'friendliness' and 'kindness' the way that they think how it should be, or when other people are not interested to have any social interactions with them. But, this is truly unnecessary.

When we practice yoga, we allow everyone to be what they are, without expecting everyone should be 'good' and be 'warm' and 'nice' to all other beings, or to 'I'. We don't expect everyone should behave in the way that we think all human beings should behave, or they shouldn't behave in the way that we think they shouldn't behave. We respect everyone as they are, that different people are being different from us and everyone else. But, there are many 'good people' in the world have expectation towards how other people should and shouldn't behave, and be disappointed and disturbed when other people don't behave in the way that they think they should behave, and when they behave in the way that they think they shouldn't behave.

If we have expectation towards how other human beings should and shouldn't behave or interact with the rest of the society, we will be very disturbed and disappointed, when we think and believe that all human beings should be 'socially active' and be 'warm' or 'nice' to each other, especially to 'I', but there are people who are not 'socially active' and didn't have the intention of being 'warm' or 'nice' to other people, especially to 'I'. This disappointment is truly unnecessary, and it's derived from our own ignorant expectation. And we judge these people's way of life or behavior as 'bad and 'wrong', because we think everyone should somehow be active to be 'social interacting' with other human beings in a way that we think is 'good' and 'right'.

When the mind is free from ignorance, we will know that there is nothing bad and wrong in other people for being socially inactive, or didn't have initiative or interest to be 'warm' or 'nice' to other people, especially to 'I'. We won't be disturbed or disappointed by other people who keep to themselves and are not actively sociable, or they don't particularly do something that we think is 'warm' and 'nice' gestures.

When other people didn't have intention to disturbed or hurt us, didn't interfere with our thinking and believe, didn't criticize our way of life and behavior, and didn't intentionally do or say something that is 'not nice' to us, and allow us to be what we are, then even though they didn't do anything 'extra' that we think is 'warm' and 'nice' to other people, or to 'I', they are already being very 'good' and 'kind' and 'nice' to us.

We, whom we think we are 'good people' and better human beings than other people whom we disagree with their thinking and belief, their way of life and behavior, that we think is 'bad' and 'wrong', and we go around judging people and interfering with other people's thinking, belief, ways of life and behavior that we don't like and disagree with, we are actually the ones who are being 'not nice' to other people. And we get more disappointed when other people didn't show gratefulness and thankfulness and appreciation towards our 'warm' and 'nice' gestures to them, as we expect other people should be grateful and thankful and appreciate when we are being 'warm' and nice' to them. This is complete ignorant thinking, and it's truly unnecessary.

Meanwhile, there are people in the world who are 'socially active', and are 'warm' and 'nice' to other people all the time, especially to 'I', but at the same time, they might do and say something that would disturb or hurt other people, and interfering with other people's thinking and belief and way of life, judging and criticizing and complaining about other people, whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes in front of people, and many other times, behind other people's back.

Be grateful and thankful that there are people who keep to themselves and don't disturb other people's life and leave us alone, that allow us to be free to be who we are, how we think, what we believe, how we live and behave, that even though they are not intentionally or particularly being 'sociable', or 'friendly', or 'warm', or 'nice' to us, but at least they didn't be 'cruel' or 'not nice' to us, or they didn't disturb and hurt us.

Allowing people to be 'warm' and 'nice' to other people, or not. If people want to be 'warm' and 'nice' to us, we receive with gratitude and appreciation. If people don't have the initiative or interest to be 'warm' and 'nice', let them be. It doesn't mean that they are not good or they are bad people. Be compassionate and understanding.

It's everyone's freedom for what they want to think and believe and behave, and how they act/react and feel. If people want to have expectation, that's their freedom. If people feel disappointed towards something due to ungratified expectation, that's also their freedom.

Be free.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation

It's common for someone to feel hurt, dissatisfaction and disappointment in a love relationship. That is because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don't.

When we think we are hurt, dissatisfied and disappointed because of his/her bad treatment to us or wrongful behavior, we will do and say things that would hurt/attack this person in the relationship with us. We would go behind his/her back complaining about him/her for this and that, telling other people, especially our family and friends about how bad he/she is. Meanwhile, we keep telling ourselves and other people, "I love him/her so much. I am so good to him/her. How could he/she do this and didn't do that, to me. He/she doesn't love me. I feel so disappointed and hurt."

'Hurt' doesn't exist if we truly love someone. If we truly love him/her as he/she is, we won't do and say things that would hurt him/her even though he/she doesn't love us and isn't nice to us. We won't expect him/her to treat us or behave in certain ways. He/she has the freedom to love us, or not, and to be nice to us, or not. And we have the freedom to decide whether to continue this relationship, or not, without feeling hurt or disappointed.

If we ever feel 'hurt' by someone whom we think we love very much, it actually tells us that we don't really love that person, but we only love our selfish desires of what we like and want. The fact that we feel dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt is because our selfish desires are not being gratified from loving the one whom we think we love very much. We are dissatisfied and disappointed is because we are not getting what we like and want, but we are getting what we don't like and don't want. It's not because he/she is bad or wrong. It's not because he/she doesn't love us or isn't nice to us.

To fall in love with someone is not so difficult, but, to truly love someone beyond selfish desires, is very rare.

The realization of "I think I love you and I want to love you, but I realized I don't really love you because I don't love you as you are." allows us to be free from the corrupted thinking and feeling of "I am disappointed and hurt by the one whom I love very much." Instead, we question ourselves, "How could I demand anything from you or expect you to love me and be nice to me while I don't really love you?" and "If I really love you, I won't demand anything from you and won't expect you to love me and be nice to me. I'll love you as you are, no matter you love me, or not, and want to be nice to me, or not."

This will free us from dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt, even though the person in the relationship doesn't love us or isn't nice to us. Meanwhile, even though we love someone very much, as he/she is, we don't have to allow someone who doesn't love us and who is not nice to us to take our love for granted, we can let go this person and this relationship.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation.

It's okay if we realize we don't love someone, as long as we are aware of it and are being truthful and honest towards ourselves and the one whom we think we love, but not really. And this confrontation with the truth allows us to truly love this person, by freeing ourselves from corrupted thinking and feelings.

The end of ignorance, is peace.

Be free.

The relationship between the parents and the children

This article is about the relationship between the parents and the children in 'conventional' family affairs/relationships. It's not about sensitive cases involve 'unconventional' single parenting out of sexual abuse and rape.

Before two people in a love relationship want to create/bring in new lives/beings/children to form a family, they need to know what is love. Real love. Unconditional love. If not, it is the main factor why there are conflicts/unhappiness/affliction exist in many families which create broken children growing up into broken relationships/family of their own.

When the parents create/bring a new life/being into the world, they never, and couldn't ask the permission/consent of this being for creating this life and bringing this being into the world, as this life/being didn't exist until the parents had created this life/being whether through sexual intercourse or higher technology, whether intentionally or unintentionally, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Children are being born without their own free will or consent, but unwittingly out of the parents' desire to have children, or out of both or one of the parents' act of lust even though they have no desire to have any children. And yet, many parents think and believe that these beings/children belong to them, where they think that they have the authority on the children about how they want to treat and bring up the children and whether they will love and care for them, or not. The parents also think that children are born with the obligation, duty and responsibility towards their parents and all the other family members.

There are many parents don't have any intention to have children, but the child is conceived accidentally out of their act of lust, and these children are 'unwelcome' in their life/relationship. Maybe some parents might change their minds to 'welcome' the child into their life/relationships, and will love and care for the child, but some parents might 'perceive' the child as a 'burden' to their life/relationship, and they don't love or care for the child. Some even abandon the child to their relatives, or children homes, or on the streets. Maybe the abandon child will get love and care from some other people, maybe not. Meanwhile, some didn't abandon the 'unwelcome' child, but they don't love the child at all and this generates great damages to the child's overall well-being. The parents don't see that it's their own responsibility for conceiving the child out of their act of lust whether wittingly or unwittingly, and yet, they blame the existence of the child for 'giving' them 'problems'.

Most parents who intentionally and wittingly to create lives/children to form a family think and believe that it is because of love. Two people love each other and want to create children/family that 'belong' to both of them, that they share together. Some parents create/bring in children to build a stronger connection/relationship/bond between the two of them, or as fuel to keep their relationship alive. This is a complete selfish desire to have children, but people don't see it as selfishness. Children are being born because the parents want to gratified their desire to have children to form a family to be the connection/bonding medium for their relationship.

Some parents do 'love' their children unconditionally, but some might not realize that their desire to have children is selfishness, and their 'love' towards their children is conditional/possessive love that comes with great expectation/condition. Some don't even have the love, patience, effort and time to 'nurture' and 'look after' a child, but just because they have the basic instinct/desire to be a mother or a father, and so, they produce children.

Many parents don't realize that there are hidden selfish intentions/conditions in bringing/creating new lives into their relationship/family. Many parents expect something in return by creating/bringing in children onto their life/relationship. They think that by having children it will 'bring' joy and happiness into their life. They think that by having children it will give them meaningfulness in life or take away their loneliness/boredom. They think that by having children it will 'keep' their marriage/relationship to stay alive and connected. They think that by having children, they will grow up to bring back money to support their life. They think that by having children, the children will look after them when they are old or sick. They think that by having children, they will be loved. They think that by having children, it will make their life or relationship complete. They think that by having children, it will make them become a real man and a complete woman.

There are many people get married merely to form a family life and reproduce, which they think it's a 'solution' or 'investment' for them to deal with unhappy relationship/marriage, loneliness, emptiness, old age and sickness.

Many parents have expectation towards their children that the children have to love and care for the parents in return for the love and care that the parents have been giving to their children. They expect/think that all children 'are obliged to' or 'should naturally' show love and care to their parents as it is the duty and responsibility of the children towards their parents. The children should appreciate and be grateful and thankful to their parents for bringing them into the world, feed them and nurture them, and so, all children should show gratitude by giving their love and care to their parents in return. This is conditional love / selfish love / possessive love. And when they think their children don't love and care for them, or don't love and care for them enough, they feel disappointed and hurt. They are disappointed and hurt by their own expectation towards the idea of having children. They don't love their children. They love what they think they can get from having children.

Either they feel sad about their children unloving behavior, or they feel bad and sorry for themselves for being unloved by their own children, or they feel disappointed, hurt and angry with their children for not loving them or care for them after they have been showing lots of love and care to bring their children up, or after they have invested so much 'time', 'effort', 'money' and 'love' for the children's upbringing, welfare and education.

It's common and natural that the parents would feel disappointed or hurt or angry if their children don't love them or don't love them enough, but then know that this is because these parents don't really love their children, but they only love what they think they should be receiving from having a family life by having children. And thus, when they don't get what they think they should be getting from creating/having a family, they react in such way.

If the parents truly love their children, they will love their children as they are and won't be disappointed or upset or feel hurt, even if the children are not good to their parents or don't love their parents, or don't behave the way that what people think all 'good' children should behave, or if they think their children didn't carry out the duty and responsibility of being the children of their parents. People feel disappointed, hurt and upset in children/family affairs is because they think they love their children/family but they don't really know what is love or how to love. This is absolutely nothing to do with how the children treat their parents, or whether the children are being good and loving to their parents, or not.

It's normal for the parents to show love and care for their children, but many don't realize that they have great expectation towards their children to be the type of people that they would like them to be, that the children are obliged to listen to and follow all their commands/wishes, and they must show love and care in return for the parents' love and care for them.

When the parents want to be recognized as 'good parents', 'good father' and 'good mother', they put so much pressure onto the children to make sure they grow up to be 'successful' people that will make their parents, friends and relatives feel proud of. The parents feel proud of themselves to be able to produce and bring up children that appear to be 'somebody' that they feel proud of. Or else, they are frustrated/disappointed with themselves and their children as they couldn't produce and bring up children to be 'somebody' that would make them feel proud of. Meanwhile, the children grow up becoming people who keep looking for acknowledgement from other people, to make people feel proud of them, to feel "I am good enough" in order to feel confident, meaningful, and being loved. Or else, they feel disappointed/depressed about themselves for unable to be 'good enough' to make their parents or other people to feel proud of. And this affects their relationship with everyone else. These are the 'values' that were passing down from generations to generations of what a family means and what to expect from creating a family.

If the children are born out of real love, where the parents have the unconditional love and knowledge of life to give to another life/being unconditionally, then the parents wouldn't think/expect that their children are born with the duty and responsibility as children towards their parents and all the other family members, that the children are obliged to love and look after their parents and all the other members in the family. The parents will just do their best to nurture the children, teach them to love and look after themselves, until the children are independent, they'll let them go and allow the children to evolve to be what they are. As well as the children shouldn't be taught or feel that it's a duty and responsibility for being the children of their parents and being one of the family members, that they are obliged to give something back in return and to love and look after their parents and the rest of the family members. But, out of everyone's own free will, out of unconditional love, out of compassion, everyone do their best to be kind to oneself and each other, to love and look after oneself and one another without expecting anything in return. There's no disappointment, hurt, anger, bitterness or unhappiness. Everyone loves and accepts one another as they are.

It's not because it's an obligation, duty and responsibility, that's why the children 'have to' love and look after the parents and the other family members. It's not because of gratitude towards the parents' love and care for them, that's why the children 'have to' love and care for the parents in return. It's even without obligation, duty or responsibility, a being can show love and care for other beings. It's even other beings don't show love and care for a being, this being can still be loving and kind towards other beings.

May all families have peace and harmony, being free from suffering/affliction/unhappiness that derived from ignorance and egoism of attachment, identification, desires and expectation.

Disappointment?

Disappointment is coming from unfulfilled expectation towards people, society, objects or experiences about everyone and everything have to be the way that we think they should be, which is based on our family brought up, religious and cultural belief and practice, social ethics, personal thinking and belief, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, as well as desires of want and don't want. It isn't coming from people, society, objects or experiences that we think are 'wrong', 'bad', or 'inappropriate'. All these names and forms don't and couldn't disappoint us or make us unhappy. It's our own mind's reaction that generates disappointment in us towards someone or something that we don't like or don't agree with.

Respect everyone and everything have the freedom to be what they are, even if our mind doesn't like or doesn't agree with them.

After performing actions that we think and believe as 'good, 'kind', and 'generous', allow the result of the actions to be what it is, and allow everyone to show appreciation, gratefulness and thankfulness, or not. There's nothing wrong with people who don't appreciate or be grateful for something that we believe as 'good', 'kind' and 'generous'. It's our mind believing that 'this is wrong' or 'it shouldn't be like this' that generates disappointment in us. There's nothing wrong with the mind feels disappointed towards someone or something, because that is how the mind works under the influence of ignorance.

Practice yoga of non-attachment, dispassion and renunciation, if we truly want to be free from ignorance which is the cause of all kinds of unhappiness and suffering.

Abandon worldly thinking and belief about how human beings or people should or shouldn't behave, act and react.

Love the world as it is, even if it is not the way that we like it to be.

Do our best to help the world to improve, but without attachment towards the actions and the result of the actions.

Be free.