A friend talked to me about she feels that it's very difficult to practice compassion, acceptance and letting go in daily life. She feels that she has became too "easy" for other people to take advantage of her, and she feels sad about it...
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There's nothing wrong that if you felt unhappy or angry or sad when you felt other people were not nice and unkind to you when you have been nice and kind to them... You should allow yourself to feel how you were feeling in that moment. But watch these feelings with awareness... Watch how these feelings come and go... Do not identify with these impermanent feelings... These feelings are not you or who you are... Know that everything is impermanent. Even this will pass...
Real compassion comes along with correct understanding, right discrimination and non-attachment.
It doesn't mean "being easy", or agree with everything, or say "yes" to everything...
When you think you are being compassionate, accepting everyone and everything as they are, and being available for everyone when they "need" you or your help, but at the same time, you feel very unhappy, angry and sad with people taking advantage of you or take you for granted because they think you are "easy" and "kind" or "stupid", and you feel tired and disappointed with family and friends whom you care a lot and you do your best for everyone whom you love but they don't show any gratitude or appreciation, instead they criticize you for what you do for them, then know that you are not really being compassionate.
If you are truly compassionate, you will know when to say "yes" and when to say "no"...
You don't have to agree with things that you don't agree with. You don't have to throw away all your belongings and relationships with anybody to show that you are practicing non-attachment and letting go.
You will know how to be compassionate towards yourself first, take care of your own well-being first, have peace in yourself first, before you can be compassionate toward other beings and taking care for other people...
In order to take care yourself, you will be able to say "no" without feeling bad or guilty when you need to say "no"... It doesn't make you bad or less compassionate. Being compassionate doesn't mean that you have to be available for everyone all the time. You need to have your own time for yourself, to eat, to play and to rest, to take care your own well-being, to retreat from the worldly affairs... Do not forget to be kind and compassionate towards "this being"...
Acceptance doesn't mean that we have to agree with everything and go along with things that we don't agree with.
Acceptance means "Able to allow everything to be what they are as they are, whether it is something that we agree with or disagree with. Nor try to change or control things to be the way that we want it to be... At the same time we do our best to improve without expectation that things will change into what we want it to be... Allow things to change into what they are as they are... Maybe it will change into what we like it to be, maybe not... It doesn't matter... We did our best, and let go..."
Letting go doesn't mean throw away everything, not having anything at all...
Letting go means "Whether we have many things or don't have anything, it doesn't determine us for who we are. We do not attach to all these things. We do not depend on things to be who we are, to feel good or meaningful. We can have things, but we know the truth of things is impermanent. No matter it is material belongings, relationships, works, enjoyments, thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, positivity, negativity, painful sorrow and etc... They all are impermanent. We are able to allow all these things to exist, change and disappear... We accept all changes as they are from moment to moment. When we don't have things that we want or like, we are still who we are, it doesn't make us any less good or less peaceful..."
When we feel unhappy about certain things, they will pass away eventually. When we feel happy about certain things, they also will pass away eventually. Good relationships or bad relationships, they all will pass away eventually whether you like it or not... Good health or bad health, they all will pass away...
Love yourself, be compassionate towards yourself, take care of yourself.... Be honest to say "no" when you need to say "no"... Sometimes we need to allow other people to show compassion towards us. We don't have to be the "strong" one to be there for everyone whom we "think" they are weak and they need us... We don't have to be the "compassionate" one and let other people to be the "compassionate" one... This is not selfish... This is the beginning of compassion.
When you know how to take care yourself, you will have full energy and joyfulness to be kind to other beings without feeling tired or disappointed... You will not be touched nor determined nor disturbed by your compassionate kind actions towards other beings or the reactions of other beings towards your compassionate kind actions. You are not determined nor disturbed by the fruit or the result of your actions...
You are who you are... You do not become a better or happier person when you show kindness towards other beings. You do not become a bad or less happy person when you need to take care of yourself, nor do you become a bad or unhappy person when other people don't appreciate nor be grateful towards your kindness towards them...
You'll never feel that you are being taken for granted nor feel it's difficult to be a good, kind and compassionate person...
If you are compassionate, you won't be angry or upset with anything or anyone... It's because you love yourself and be kind to yourself... This is more important than try to please everyone and make everyone happy, because you can't... That's why you feel so tired and disappointed after trying to please everyone to make them happy and satisfied... Everyone will be happy and satisfied as they are, when they found the inner peace and happiness within themselves through their own effort. We can only guide other people on how to reach this unconditional peace when we ourselves are peaceful, but we cannot take away what make them unhappy or not peaceful in the first place, or to remove their root cause of unhappiness which is ignorance or impurities...
Nobody is going to be truly happy or satisfied unless ignorance or impurities are vanished from their mind. It doesn't matter how other people tried to please them or be nice to them, they'll still be unhappy and dissatisfied as the root cause of unhappiness or restlessness or dissatisfaction are there...
We need to help ourselves first before we can help other beings... We need to mind our own purification to purify our own mind, without expecting other people will purify their mind... Let other people perform their duties and purification when they are ready and willingly to do so...
When we point fingers at other people criticize them "You are this or that...", actually ourselves are not any better than them...
No need to worry about other people's ego, just mind watching our own ego...
Be happy.
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