Inquire towards the reasons behind all kinds of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, and manipulation

Firstly, the minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance are unaware of the presence or existence of ignorance in themselves. And they perceive/refer/understand towards 'ignorance' as something evil, or bad, or wrongful, or inferior, or shameful, or shortcoming, or weakness, or sinful, or bad karma, or punishable, or humiliation deserving, and hence, they would feel humiliated, belittled, or offended, if they are being acknowledged by others about the presence or existence of ignorance in themselves.

The minds that are aware of and acknowledging towards the presence or existence of ignorance in themselves, that understood that ignorance is merely a normal and common manifestation of all selfless and restless modification of all minds, that ignorance (the presence of the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restless thought activities/thought current) is not something evil, or bad, or wrongful, or inferior, or shameful, or shortcoming, or weakness, or sinful, or bad karma, or punishable, or humiliation deserving, they won't feel humiliated, or belittled, or offended, if they are being acknowledged by others and themselves about the presence or existence of ignorance in themselves.

It is the same reason that is why the minds that are not intelligent enough to be knowing and understanding the different degrees of intelligence in all and every minds, while they strongly think and believe and desire that themselves are highly intelligent, and that they are more intelligent than many other minds, and they would feel humiliated, or belittled, or offended if they are being pointed out or acknowledged that they are not as intelligent as what they would like to think and believe and desire themselves to be.

The minds that are intelligent enough to be aware of the different degrees of intelligence in all minds, including in themselves, they won't feel humiliated, or belittled, or offended, if they are being acknowledged by others and themselves as not highly intelligent, that they might not be intelligent enough to know and understand certain things or many things, that there are many things are beyond their knowledge and understanding, while at the same time, they can purify the function of the intellect, and develop a higher degrees of intellectual reasoning power to be attaining unlimited knowledge under better, or correct, or absolute understanding, to be knowing and understanding more and more things that they don't know and don't understand in the present moment NOW.

Secondly, most minds are being conditioned to be fearful towards doubting and questioning, not to say, to be investigating and inquiring the truth about many things, especially towards their own particular inherited and/or adopted belief, traditions, values, and practices, and towards their elders or teachers and/or leader or authority.

Doubting, questioning, reasoning, investigating, or inquiring towards the truth of all and everything, have been being oppressed and suppressed or prohibited under the many worldly egoistic beliefs, values, and practices, that are full of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, justification, and manipulation, being generated under the instinctive urge and conscious desire of the many minds to be in control of everything that are related to one's own existence, as well as to be controlling/manipulating others and everything to be in certain way or not in certain way, in accordance to one's desire and don't desire, and to justify their own ignorance of being ignorant towards many things that they don't know and don't understand, as well as to justify their own behavior, actions, and reactions that are unreasonable and hurtful or destructive unto themselves and others and the surrounding environment.

Doubting, questioning, reasoning, investigating, or inquiring towards the truth of all and everything, is being perceived by certain minds as a threat towards many existing egoistic beliefs, values, and practices, because the minds know that all these egoistic beliefs, values, and practices are made of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, justification, and manipulation, but it can give them certain power of control/manipulation.

Most minds are not aware of themselves are being conditioned by the existing beliefs, values, and practices in their mind that has been accumulated not only from the inherited genetic traits of their particular parental ancestry lineage, but even more so, coming from the surrounding all and everyone and everything that they come in contact with, consciously and/or unconsciously, to think in certain way, to reason in certain way, to evaluate all and everything in certain way, to behave, act, and react in certain way, to feel or don't feel in certain way, to desire or don't desire in certain way, or to live life in certain way.  

Thirdly, due to the many previous generations have been undergoing the oppression and suppression towards the growth or the development of intellectual reasoning power, even if they still have the function of cognition and intellect to be learning and knowing and accumulating all kinds of information, knowledge and skills, the many minds have either lost the self-initiative or basic instinct to be doubting/questioning/reasoning/investigating/inquiring towards all and everything, or the intellectual power of reasoning is insignificant even if they have tried to reason and understand something, or the intellectual reasoning faculty is being contaminated and conditioned by the existing beliefs, values, and practices that are full of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, and manipulation, as well as many minds in the present moment NOW, are continuously being oppressed/suppressed/prohibited by the family/community/authority not to be doubting, questioning, reasoning, investigating, or inquiring towards the truth of all and everything, under intense fear towards possible painful punishment.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

All kinds of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, justification, and manipulation are generated by the minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance. They exist in all and everywhere, at all levels, in the thinking, in the modification of the mind, in all interactions, dealings, and affairs, in oneself, in the family, in the relationships with all and everyone, in each community, and among the diverse community of the world.

In fact, there are many minds welcome, agree with, and desire the existence of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, and manipulation in their life existence and in their relationship and interaction with all and everyone, to feel that they are in control of their own existence, as well as to feel that they can be controlling (manipulating) all and everyone and everything to be or not to be in certain way, in accordance to their desire and don't desire.

Almost all and everyone are living and functioning in lies or untruthfulness, or hypocrisy, story telling, and manipulation all the time, and they think and believe that they (the personal and group relationship/interaction with all and everyone, or the mass community of many diversities) cannot live or function anymore if under the presence of truthfulness, or under the absence of lies, hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, or manipulation, because most mind are egoistic, impure, and restless, where they can't even deal with themselves, that they don't like the truth of themselves, that there are many things that they disagree with, dissatisfied, disappointed, dislike or hate, and don't desire about themselves, that they can't accept and love themselves as they are, and that they don't even want to know the truth of themselves, or present themselves to the world as they are, while create many idealistic images for themselves that they prefer, agree with, like, and desire.

If human beings really desire or wish for a better and healthier, a more peaceful and harmonious living environment for the next and next generations to come, the world needs to be free from all these impure egoistic ideas and practices.

Even if the existence of all kinds of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, and manipulation might be giving some sorts of justification and comforting element to the minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance, for them to feel that they have certain power of control (manipulation) over themselves and others, to justify what is unknown to them, and to justify certain unreasonable and hurtful happening, event, affair, behavior, action, and reaction, but all that are indeed contributing towards deeper or stronger ignorance, than to help to weaken, thin-out, or annihilate ignorance in all minds.

The minds that are free from ignorance, they don't need any kind of justification for anything, or to be comforted by anything, not to say, something that is in the form of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, or manipulation.

For the minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance, the truth or truthfulness appears to be something painful/disagreeable/unpleasant/undesirable/bad/wrong, and is hurting them and their relationship with all and everyone, that is jeopardizing their business affairs and dealings in the world of commercialism that mainly built on hypocrisy/untruthfulness/manipulation, as well as hurting their existing belief, values, and practices, where they feel 'powerless' or 'not in control', if they cannot control/manipulate their own selfless impermanent limited and conditional existence as well as all and everyone and everything that don't belong to anyone or anything, to be the way that they desire and like it to be, in this momentary selfless impermanent limited and conditional existence that doesn't even belong to themselves (Non-self).

For the minds that are free from ignorance, the truth is absolutely liberating, and it is just what it is, neither good nor bad, where it is absolutely liberating for the minds that are free from ignorance, and they stop hurting themselves and/or others and the surrounding environment, while the truth appears to be something bad and hurtful for the minds that are not free from ignorance, that love and embrace hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, and manipulation that give them a momentary limited power of control/manipulation, and they keep hurting themselves and others and the surrounding environment in the process of trying to 'control'/'manipulate' all and everything to be the way that they desire, or not to be the way that they don't desire.

The parents/the fathers/the mothers/the grand parents want to 'control' the children/grandchildren to be or not to be in certain way.

The spouse/the lover wants to 'control' the partner and the relationship to be or not to be in certain way.

The teacher wants to 'control' the students to be or not to be in certain way.

The leader of a community wants to 'control' the community to be or not to be in certain way.

The authority wants to 'control' all and everything to be or not to be in certain way.

The leader of one country wants to 'control' some other countries to be or not to be in certain way.

The leaders of all countries wants to 'control' the world to be or not to be in certain way that will give them the maximum power of control.

The business men/women want to 'control' all and everything to be or not to be in certain way that will bring them maximum profits in return.

And it has to come from the minds themselves, to be aware of and to be liberated from ignorance, or not.

If the mind truly loves itself and all and everyone and everything, is by letting go, allowing all and everyone and everything to be what they are. Not trying to control anything or anyone to be or not to be in certain way in accordance to the boundless desires of craving and aversion.

The presence of 'control' in the mind to be 'controlling' this or that to be or not to be in certain way, it only indicates that this mind doesn't love anyone or anything, not even itself, but only loves all it's desires and don't desires, where this mind would do anything, including hurting itself and all and everything in order to gratify all the desires and don't desires. Such mind is merely the slave of desires.

The minds that desire to be 'controlling' all and everything to be and not to be in certain way either have forgotten or ignored about the selfless intentionless natural power of nature, that is constantly balancing all and everything to be in a state of equilibrium.

Not having any intention to be 'controlling' all and everything to be or not to be in certain way, it doesn't mean that the minds shouldn't or don't perform any conscious actions that might or might not bring certain constructive consequences to the surrounding living environment, that would benefit all and everyone and everything in the world, while not performing conscious actions that might or might not bring certain destructive consequences that would harm all and everyone and everything, without egoism. 

The presence or existence of ignorance is merely part of the selfless manifestations of all selfless minds, that are existing and functioning under the selfless impermanent limited and conditional mechanism of the perceptive cognitive intellectual emotional thinking and acting mind, under the selfless support of the selfless energy and the many selfless elements that enable the minds to be existing and functioning as what they are. It is not something evil, bad, wrong, inferior, shameful, shortcoming, weakness, sinful, bad karma, punishable, or humiliation deserving, even if it has a destructive and hurtful nature, or influence, or consequences.

Even if some minds had/have been engaging in prolonged and persevered practice of yoga and/or buddhism, and had/have attained certain degrees of understanding towards selflessness, impermanence, limitation, conditional, and non-self, however, they were/are not completely be free from ignorance yet, where there were/are still some subtle instinctive urges/desires/fear in the minds, influencing them to think and believe that they need to be upholding certain traditional cultural/spiritual belief, values, and practices that they knew/know it involved some sorts of hypocrisy, story telling, untruthfulness, and manipulation, but it will continue to give them certain limited power of control/manipulation over the mass community that are functioning under the influence of ignorance, for influencing them to desire, to behave, to act, and to react in certain way and not in certain way, that they think is the good, right, positive, and meaningful way.

That is the power of ignorance.

And that is also the freedom of all minds towards what they think, believe, feel, desire, behave, act, and react, or not. There is neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad, even if all that didn't/doesn't help the minds to be free from ignorance and the by-products of ignorance, but it is feeding and empowering all that.

Even the world of yoga and/or buddhism is also under the influence of certain worldly passionate egoistic ideas, beliefs, values, and practices.

The minds that are free from ignorance, they have no fear that the majority of the minds are functioning under the influence of ignorance, and that all minds need to be self initiative to activate the mind purification process, to be engaging in persevered and diligent practice of purifying the different selfless mechanisms/functions of the mind and quieting/silencing/annihilating the selfless restless impure egoistic modification of the mind, that enabling the minds to be inquiring towards the truth of all and everything without the influence of worldly passionate egoistic impure beliefs, values, and practices, to be weakening, thinning-out, and annihilating the veil of ignorance, a.k.a. the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, until self realization or TRANSCEND takes place, where the mind transcends its own selfless impermanent limited and conditional existence and function that is non-self, that doesn't belong to the self conscious/aware/acknowledge, perceptive, cognitive, intellectual, emotional, thinking and acting mind itself.

They don't have the desire/aspiration/vision of 'controlling'/'influencing'/'manipulating' the minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance to be or not to be in certain way, although they can be performing actions as much as they can, to randomly plant as many seeds of wisdom (correct understanding) as possible, that can help the minds to be self-initiative to activate the mind purification process, to be aware of the presence of ignorance in themselves, to be developing certain degrees of correct understanding, right attitude, right attentiveness, and right effort, to be engaging in the practice that can lead towards self-inquiry and self-realization towards Selflessness, Impermanence, Limitation, Conditional, and Non-self, all by themselves, through their own initiation and effort, via self inquiry and direct self realization.

Do not blind-believe, blind-follow, blind-practice, blind agree/disagree, blind-glorify, blind-admire, or blind-propagate anyone or anything coming from everyone and everywhere.

"All karma (regardless of good or bad) burnt in toto (don't exist) in the state of Turiya (beyond the mechanism/function/modification of the mind stuff of the states of awake/asleep/dream/deep sleep), upon the attainment of self realization."

"The world ceased existing upon the annihilation of the mind stuff."

"All are MAYA. Brahman is real. The world is unreal."

"Reincarnation, or the wheel of ceaseless births and deaths transitioning under/among different realms ceased existing upon Silence (Stillness/Clarity/The absence of restless thought activities/thought current)."

"Inquire the truth of everything. Attain direct experience and self realization."

All past existed and present existing gurus and buddhas (except pseudo 'gurus' or 'buddhas'), or all wise and compassionate saints and sages, regardless of which era, continent, ancestry, tribe, or cultural/spiritual background that they came/come from, they didn't and don't want/request any kind of worshiping, or glorifying, or offering, or rituals, or celebration events. They didn't/don't get offended, or insulted, or humiliated, or belittled, or angry, if the minds are doubting, questioning, reasoning, investigating, and inquiring towards the truth of the dhamma or the teachings that exists under certain names and forms that they come in contact with. In fact, that is the main essential teachings and practice and advice to all minds. The dhamma, or the truth of everything, cannot be contaminated or damaged. But the dhamma that exists under certain names and forms can be contaminated or damaged. And hence, there will come to a point that there will be the end of pure or uncontaminated dhamma as it is that exists under certain names and forms in this world. There is neither good nor bad.

That's why the highly importance of self initiation, self reliance, self effort, self inquiry, and self realization.

That's why the highly essential of the observation of dispassion, renunciation, solitude, seclusion, mental and emotional independence, and silence.

If it is something true, there is no fear or resistance, not to say, painful punishment for being doubted, questioned, reasoned, investigated, or inquired.

Selflessness, Impermanence, Limitation, Conditional, and Non-self, are always here and everywhere as they are, and all and everyone are free to doubt, to question, to reason, to investigate, or to inquire towards the truth of all these.

Inquire the truth of everything, including all that is here.

Truthfulness

If all kinds of random impure egoistic thought activities in all the minds in this world are being exposed as they are, one will see that there's very little or even no truthfulness in all kinds of worldly ties and connections, social relationships and interactions, worldly affairs, dealings, and activities, except in silence, devoid of selfless restless modification of the mind, or when the mind is free from the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness.

Truthfulness is just what it is. Neither good nor bad. Neither hurtful nor non-hurtful.

Similarly, what is going on in the mind, of all kinds of random impure restless thought activities/desires/actions/reactions/feelings/emotions/ideas/impurities/wild imaginations/subjective partial incomplete distorted memories of the past, is also neither good nor bad, neither hurtful nor non-hurtful.

However, truthfulness appears to be something hurtful, disturbing, unpleasant, inappropriate, or something contributes to disharmony among all and everyone, when the mind is under the influence of the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness, where all kinds of worldly ties, connections, and relationships cannot survive, or wouldn't be peaceful and harmonious, under the presence of truthfulness of what is going on in all minds that are functioning under the influence of the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness.

As all kinds of impure egoistic ties, connections, and relationships in the world of ignorance and egoism are largely existing or surviving on the absence of truthfulness, or the presence of untruthfulness, of hypocrisy, secrets, made up stories, fairy tales, manipulations, or lies, powered by survival instinct, possessiveness, selfishness, desire, greed, pride, and fear.

Only the minds that understand what is going on in themselves, that are free from ignorance, that are not being determined or disturbed by all kinds of mind perceptions or experiences that are pleasant or unpleasant, agreeable or disagreeable, and desirable or undesirable, can accept all minds as they are, being truthful or untruthful, without attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, and expectation, and thus, can be in peace and harmony while engaging in worldly ties, connections, and relationships with other minds, regardless of whether under the presence or absence of truthfulness or untruthfulness in all kinds of human's interaction and affair. It doesn't matter.

Minds that don't understand what is going in themselves, that are under the influence of ignorance, would be determined or disturbed by all kinds of mind perceptions or experiences, where they cannot accept all minds as they are, under the influence of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, and expectation, and would be peaceless or disharmonious while engaging in any kind of worldly ties, connections, and relationships with other minds, regardless of whether under the presence or absence of truthfulness or untruthfulness. The mind will be disturbed or hurt by either truthfulness, or untruthfulness, that it doesn't like, doesn't desire and doesn't agree with.

While truthfulness, or untruthfulness, as well as what is going on in the mind, is just what it is. It doesn't disturb or hurt anyone, or doesn't contribute to disharmony among all and everyone, when the mind is devoid of the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness.

All kinds of yoga and meditation practice served the purpose of eradicating the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities, and restlessness from the perceptive cognitive intellectual emotional thinking and acting mind that is selfless and impermanent, that enabling the mind to know or understand what is going on in itself, or knowing Thyself, and hence, be free from ignorance and the ignorant thinking/understanding/behavior/action and reaction that hurt oneself and/or others and the surrounding environment.

Imperfection and all kinds of impurities in the minds are nothing wrong. It is neither good nor bad. It is merely what all impure egoistic minds are. However, the minds that are under the influence of ignorance and egoism, would be determined and disturbed by the imperfection or impurities in themselves and/or in others.

It's like the truth of this fleshy physical body under the 'beautiful' skin is neither good nor bad. If the physical body of all the flesh, bones, ligaments, tendons, blood vessels, veins, nerves, internal organs, secretions, pus and waste products is being exposed without the protective outer layer of 'beautiful' skin, most minds will perceive the physical body without the skin as something 'disgusting', and react with feeling very disgusted and unpleasant. But the physical body is just what it is.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Truthfulness and straightforwardness

Truthfulness is not just about being truthful towards others, but it's also about being truthful towards oneself. Those who can't even be truthful towards themselves, how can they be truthful towards others?

Due to intense egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation towards the qualities of names and forms in themselves, people who have certain things that they don't like about themselves will also have the tendency of being untruthful towards themselves.

There are many unnecessary personal and relationship 'problems' in people's life is due to either people rather playing mind games of 'politeness' and 'appropriateness', than being straight to the point about what they want and don't want, or people are afraid of being truthful, as they are afraid of 'losing' something that they don't want to loose, if they are being absolutely truthful.

People are afraid of "Expressing their thinking or thoughts, as it is," as they are afraid of their thoughts and ideas about certain dissatisfaction and disagreement towards something or someone would be offensive or upsetting for other people. Or, people never want to be straight and firm about, "This is what I want or don't want," most probably it's because they themselves are not very sure of "That is really what I want or don't want."

Certain cultural and social values and practice don't like truthfulness and straightforwardness in all kinds of relationships and dealings with other people in everyday life, with the intention of "Don't want to offend or upset anyone." Where truthfulness and straightforwardness is being seen as a form of 'rudeness' and 'inappropriateness', and even worst, as a form of 'offensiveness', in the world of hypocrisy, pride, image and reputation.

Some people rather not to hear or know the truth that they don't want to hear and know. "If you are going to tell something that is not nice about my children, then I don't want to know about it. I am a good parent. I taught them to be good, and only be good. They will always be my good children, as long as I don't know anything bad about them." It doesn't matter what is the truth about their children, more importantly, it's about protecting their desired good reputation of "I am a good parent who proudly brought up my children to be all good and nothing bad," as well as, protecting their desired good image of their children of "I love my children as long as I don't know anything bad about them. Don't spoil my love for the good image of my lovely children who are all good and nothing bad."

People think that this 'politeness' and 'appropriateness' will help to make everyone's life easier and lead to more peace and harmony in all kinds of family and social relationships, or make the world a better place, however, it doesn't. It only leads towards further unnecessary problems as well as wasting everyone's time and energy. It also empowers the ignorance and egoism in all and everyone, by very carefully 'protecting' the easily be 'hurt and broken' minds under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

They want to be 'nice' to everyone, however they themselves might be suffering from great mental and emotional disturbance due to they are not happy with certain things that involve other people, but they refuse to express their unhappiness, or disagreement, or what they want and don't want, while holding up and accumulating those unhappy thoughts and feelings, causing mental and emotional imbalanced in themselves.

If people know how to let go, without holding up all kinds of unhappiness or dissatisfaction towards this or that, then that's fine. There's no problem.

Those who can't let go but keep holding up, until a point that they can't hold any more, and they will 'explode', causing more serious 'damages' to oneself and others.

Not only yoga practitioners, but human beings need to learn how to handle all kinds of truthfulness and straightforwardness that oneself might not like, desire and agree with, without being disappointed, offended, upset, hurt or disturbed by something that oneself doesn't like, doesn't desire and doesn't agree with, in all kinds of human relationships and dealings.

Those who would be disappointed, offended, upset, hurt or disturbed is nothing but due to ignorant egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation in themselves, towards oneself and others.

The minds that are free from attachment, identification, desires of craving and aversion, and expectation towards themselves and others, they don't need to be untruthful about anything. They can choose to express or don't express their thoughts, ideas and opinions, as they are, but there's no need to be untruthful by expressing something that is not what it is (telling lies or white lies), or only expressing something that everyone would like, desire and agree with. There's no fear of losing something. There's no desire of pleasing anyone for any reasons. Healthy minds don't need to be pleased by anyone. While how everyone reacts towards other people being truthful about their thinking and feelings about something, it's their own freedom and responsibility. Everyone are free to think and feel and react in the way that how they want to think and feel and react. There's no disappointment, offensiveness, upset, hurt or disturb upon coming in contact with all kinds of names and forms that are not necessarily pleasant, desirable and agreeable.

It doesn't mean that one should not move away from certain conversations or dealings that involve abusive and violent behavior, and be attacked and abused under such circumstances. One can move away from energy wasting conversations and dealings that involved abusive and violent behavior, while not being determined or disturbed by others' ignorant behaviors, actions and reactions deriving from ignorance, or mental illness, where the minds don't have correct understanding, reasoning power, clarity, awareness and self-control.

Peace and harmony in the world doesn't mean that there's completely no disagreement or dissatisfaction among one another, where everyone should like and agree with one another, where everyone shouldn't and won't express any thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions that some others might not like, desire or agree with, while only express thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions that everyone would like, desire and agree with.

The world of diversity cannot advance or 'grow' towards a healthy state of true peace and harmony, unless the minds are free from egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation towards oneself and others, while respecting everyone being what they are, as they are, being different from one another, having different thinking, feelings, ideas or opinions about many things, without generating resentment or offensiveness towards others who are different from oneself, who have different thinking, feelings, ideas or opinions towards oneself, and towards all and everything in the world, that oneself might not like, desire or agree with.

Those who would feel disappointed, offended, upset, hurt or disturbed by those whom oneself loves very much, but they don't love, or stop loving oneself, is due to ignorance and egoism.

"I am so loving and kind to you. I did so many things for you. Why are you so ungrateful, unappreciative and unthankful for it?" This is a common reaction that indicating this mind itself is under the influence of ignorance and egoism, and doesn't know what is love and be kind, or how to love and be kind. They will have to take their own pace and effort to realize the ignorance and egoism in themselves.

Those who have correct understanding, who are free from the influence of ignorance and egoism, who know how to love oneself and all and everything unconditionally, will respect everyone's thinking, feeling and desire of want and don't want, as they are. Respecting all kinds of impermanent changes as they are. There's no disappointment, resentment, hurt, or painful sorrow in such minds.

Truthfulness?

The path of yoga and Buddhism is about realizing the Truth and respecting the Truth as it is, regardless of whether the Truth is being perceived as something pleasant or unpleasant, agreeable or disagreeable, desirable or undesirable to the worldly impure egoistic minds.

Many minds/people like to talk about 'truthfulness' and see it as an important value of life, but then ironically, most minds/people don't welcome and can't handle certain 'truthfulness' or 'the truth' being something that they don't like and don't want. Many people prefer themselves and everyone else to be playing a game of 'untruthfulness/lies/hypocrisy/pretension/acting' in all forms of relationship that would portray "Everything being the way that they like and want, that would appear to be all good and positive and nothing bad and negative", or they would try to ignore, or deny, or hideaway whatever that they don't like and don't want, such as "Don't tell me about it. I don't want to know anything about it." so that they can have 'the peace and harmony' in their lives, in their relationships with their family, relatives and friends. There's plentiful of untruthfulness/lies/secrets/manipulation in all kinds of human's relationship except in the rare ones that are free from the influence of the ego and egoism. Back-biting exists in many relationships as well, where people pretend to be nice to one another in front of everyone, saying only nice and positive things in front of people in order to maintain 'peace and harmony' in the family, work place, friends circle, personal relationship and the society, but then, many minds/people couldn't avoid back-biting behind people's back to express and/or release their frustration, dissatisfaction and disappointment towards what they don't like and disagree with.

The mind can never avoid some kinds of interaction that involve certain 'untruthfulness/lies/hypocrisy/manipulation' dealing with all kinds of human's relationship.

There's nothing wrong with trying to present many different images of certain 'quality' on different occasions that conform to the many different thinking and beliefs of the many different minds/people that one comes in contact with and interacts with, in order to please everyone, to not offending anyone, to not making anyone feel unhappy, dissatisfy, disappointed or upset, to maintain 'peace and harmony', or to be surviving in a competitive world of names and forms, or to gain love, liking, help, support and comfort from others, but that would be supporting and empowering ignorance and egoism in oneself and others, while yoga practice is mainly to free the mind from ignorance and egoism.

The minds that would be disturbed, offended and upset easily by what the minds don't like and disagree with, or what the minds perceive as unpleasant, disagreeable, bad, wrong, negative or inappropriate, is due to ignorance and egoism. None need to be untruthful, hypocrite, lie, pretend or act while being or interacting with other minds that are free from ignorance and egoism, as these minds won't be disturbed nor offended nor upset by all kinds of name and form that are being perceived by the worldly impure egoistic minds as unpleasant, disagreeable, bad, wrong, negative or inappropriate.

In Buddha or Satguru, or any beings that are free from ignorance and egoism, the mind is undetermined and undisturbed by all the selfless impermanent names and forms, being free from the desire of craving and aversion and expectation towards all and everything to be in certain way. All kinds of suffering/unhappiness/painful sorrow/hurts/depression/loneliness/meaninglessness don't exist in them, as there's neither craving for something pleasant and agreeable nor aversion towards something unpleasant and disagreeable. And hence, there's needless of the existence of any other being or family and friends being there to be loving/liking/supporting/helping/comforting them, although they would allow anyone to be kind and friendly supporting or helping them and/or other beings in many ways, while without encouraging or empowering the ignorance and egoism in the beings, but allowing the beings to also realize selflessness and compassion, being free from all kinds of suffering/unhappiness/painful sorrow/hurts/depression/loneliness/meaninglessness, being undetermined and undisturbed by all the pleasant/unpleasant, agreeable/disagreeable, desirable/undesirable names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses, where the need of gaining love, liking, support, help or comfort from some others is absent, and without egoistic intention to be making and accumulating 'family ties and friendships', they can be 'kind' and 'friendly' towards all and everyone unconditionally without discrimination of 'friends or not friends', 'family or not family' and 'good or bad beings', without the need or craving of gaining love, liking, help, support and comfort from others.

Real peace and harmony is unconditional, derived from the absence of ignorance and egoism, being undisturbed by the mind perception of names and forms through the senses that is subject to impermanence and selflessness. It's being free from all kinds of suffering, restlessness and impurities upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism. 'Peace and harmony' that is subject to the existence and non-existence of certain quality of names and forms, being determined by certain condition and situation that the mind desires, likes and agrees with, that is achieved and needs to be maintained through certain actions, is not real.

Those who are free from being conditioned by worldly thinking and belief would understand this and are free from the sense of loneliness and meaninglessness. Those who are being conditioned strongly by worldly thinking and belief wouldn't or couldn't understand this and would be perceiving the sense of loneliness and meaninglessness from time to time or most of the time. And hence, the importance of renunciation to free the mind from being conditioned by worldly thinking and belief for sincere yoga practitioners.

One can choose to perform certain actions in the world and be engaging in certain forms of relationship and interactive activity with some others selflessly without any attachment, but not because of one thinks and believes that one has to perform such actions in the world and must be engaging in certain forms of relationship and interactive activity, as one would think and feel bad, wrong, negative, meaningless, unhappy or suffering if one doesn't or couldn't perform such actions in the world, or doesn't engage in certain forms of relationship and interactive activity with some others. That is freedom in yoga or Buddhism.

Untruthfulness and dishonesty

Whether we like it or not, most people have been being untruthful or dishonest every once in a while or regularly. It's a habit that has been building up since childhood where the children are being brought up by their parents or elders with the habit of fictional and fantasized stories making and telling (untrue), joking (untrue), white lies (untrue), hypocrisy (untrue), boasting (not necessarily true), pleasing (most probably untrue), or acting (untrue) as something 'normal', 'appropriate manners' or 'play safe' to be interacting with other people in the family, in the relationships, in the society, in the social media, in the politics.

The children are being taught to be untruthful, dishonest and hypocrite by telling (white) lies, boasting, joking, pleasing or acting so that they do not upset or offend other people, or they should please other people, as one of the manners/politeness/appropriate behavior in their cultural and social practice.

A lot of time, untruthfulness and dishonesty is the by-product of fear.

Whenever the children are being aware of they might have done something they shouldn't be doing that they think it would upset their parents or their friends, and most probably, out of fear of being criticized, or scolded, or punished, or unloved by their parents or their friends, and fear of losing the supportive treatments from their parents or their friends, children would tell lies to hide the truth, being untruthful or dishonest. And this untruthful and dishonest behavior becomes a natural habit to 'play safe' and to 'please other people' in their childhood and continue to follow them into their adulthood.

When the children have the initiative to tell the truth or admit to their parents that they might have done something that they think it might upset their parents, and if the parents react with anger and aggressiveness towards the children or the incident, or inflict punishment onto the children, the children will tend to be untruthful or dishonest from then on. Instead, if the parents react with calmness, acceptance, forgiveness and letting go, knowing that by getting upset and angry won't undo what had happened, then the children will tend to be truthful and honest from then on. It also allows the children to learn to appreciate truthfulness and honesty, and learn about acceptance, forgiveness and letting go. Children making mistakes is a great learning process for both the parents and the children, to become responsible compassionate people, who accept and love themselves and other people as they are, even though they are not perfect.

Truthfulness and honesty is one of the important basic practice in yoga. Without it, numerous of other yoga practice are meaningless. But for many people who grew up under that kind of parenting or upbringing to behave 'appropriately' and 'politely' in their relationships with everyone, in the family, in the school, in the workplace, or in the society, being untruthful and dishonest is something 'right' and 'good', while being truthful and honest is something 'wrong' and 'bad'. They think that it's needless to abandon untruthfulness and dishonesty when they take up yoga practice, thinking that it's the 'normal' and 'correct' way of living and interacting with everyone in the society in order to have 'healthy' and 'happy' relationships with everyone.

How many conversations between people don't contain any untruthfulness or dishonesty?

Many people who are under the influence of the ego are either don't like the truth or being afraid of the truth. As most of the time, the truth is something difficult or unpleasant or painful for the untrained minds.

When people try to tell the truth of a 'good son' to his parents that their 'good son' isn't really good, the parents say, "No. Don't tell us (the truth). We don't want to know about it. Our son is all good. We brought him up to be good. He is a good boy."

People can't live and interact with other people 'normally' in this world without being untruthful or dishonest a little bit here and there.

While yoga is about the truth. No matter how difficult or unpleasant or painful is the truth, one has no fear of the truth.

And hence, those who truly practice yoga, they stay away from the society and observe seclusion and solitude, to avoid unnecessary untruthfulness and dishonesty.

Don't want to hurt other people's feelings?

Some people say that "hurting other people's feelings" is not their culture. They will not want to hurt anyone's feelings. They don't really appreciate straightforwardness, honesty and truthfulness. They prefer not to express how they feel or what they think (especially it's some negative comments, thinking and feelings,) in front of people, and they will always say nice things like, "You're very good. Thank you." even when they don't think or feel like that at all, but they will complain behind people's backs about they are not good.

They think and believe that by that way, they are free from hurting anyone's feelings at all.

The point is, if we truly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, we should not have any negative or bad thinking, feelings, actions and speech at all (even behind other people's back or knowledge). Then we won't need to be untruthful or dishonest, nor have to be hypocrite and tell lies in front of anyone, nor will we say or do anything that will hurt anyone, whether directly or indirectly, whether in front of people or behind people's back.

Unless our mind is completely be free from impurities such like craving and aversion, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, pride, arrogance, animosity and fear that arise from egoism and attachment towards certain personal beliefs and cultural practice, or attachment towards the qualities of names and forms that we like and dislike, agree and disagree with. Or else we won't be free from hurting somebody's feelings at some points.

If we are aware of our mind is not pure and is being over-powered by some bad and negative thoughts or feelings about other people, but we can have self-control not to do or say anything that will hurt them whether directly or indirectly, whether in front of them or behind their backs, then we can say that we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even though there are some negative thoughts and feelings arising and passing away in our mind. We observe these thoughts and let them go, without attachment nor judgment, without reaction nor expression through actions and speech.

How can we say "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... Hurting other living beings is not my culture." when we are over-powered by anger and hatred towards certain people's personality, behavior and actions that we strongly disagree with, and we criticize them and condemn these people to hell, and wish that they will suffer for what they have done?

As well as whether what kind of actions and speech that will hurt other people's feelings or not, has no particular standards that fit all. It depends on individual personality, perception about things, and how they react towards what they perceive. Some people easily get offended and feel hurt by what they perceive as 'not right', 'not nice', 'not good', offensive, or insult, even though nobody say or do anything that seems to be offensive or hurtful.

Those who have transcended egoism and names and forms will not be hurt by any forms of thoughts, actions and speech.

It depends on ourselves, our perception of things, our reactions towards what we perceive, the purity of our mind, to determine whether our feelings will be hurt by anybody's actions or speech. Usually when our feeling is hurt by certain actions or speech, is because those actions and speech is something that we (the ego) dislike and disagree with. Those actions and speech has no quality or power to hurt us unless we perceive them as something 'hurtful', and give them the quality and power to hurt us.

Om shanti.

Living in the present moment...

There were many times we were being asked this question, "What will you be doing when you are not teaching (yoga retreats or yoga classes)?"

I have no specific answer for that question. As I (the mind/the ego) am living in the present from moment to moment and allowing everything to flow naturally as it comes.

Ever since I practice being in the present moment until it becomes a natural way of life for me, I never think about what I "will" do "if" I am not doing what I am doing "now".

I let go of expectations or anticipations of what is coming, nor do I have to be doing "something" when I am not doing what I am doing now...

Once someone asked me out of care and curiosity, "What are you going to do when you don't or can't teach yoga anymore?" I said to her, "I never think about it. I don't have to think about it. But surely I will know what to do when that happens... One thing for sure, is that everything is impermanent..."

Our guests also liked to ask us out of care and curiosity, "What are you doing when you are not teaching?" I said to them, "I don't know. But surely there is always something to do when we are not teaching and it is not necessarily that we have to be doing "something" all the time..."

It is not like I can only do my own practice when I am not teaching classes, as teaching classes is also part of the yoga practice...

Some people asked, "What do you do when you are not practicing yoga?" For me, there is no separation of life and yoga... Everything that the mind perceives through the senses of what it sees, hears, smells, tastes, touches and thinks, is part of the yoga practice... Whenever the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses, there is yoga practice... Letting go of craving and aversion, being at peace not being affected, nor disturbed, nor influenced, nor determined by all the experiences that the body and the mind is experiencing from moment to moment...

There is not a single moment that I am separated from yoga. Maybe I spent a few specific hours a day doing some asana and meditation practice, but there is no difference at all when I am not doing asana and meditation practice in the other hours... I am practicing yoga when I am driving, when I am walking, when I am eating, when I am resting, when I am playing, being in the present moment, accepting the reality of the present moment now as it is, from moment to moment...

Maybe I do have other things to do other than "teaching yoga" when my body and mind is not engaging in running and teaching yoga retreats and classes, but it all depends on that present moment what it will likely to be... There were times we wanted to do something but it was not possible at that moment, and so, we had to try again some other time... There were many times that we didn't plan to do anything special, but things happened accordingly and we ended up doing something unexpectedly... And we were enjoying every moment of it.

Ever since practicing awareness of being in the present moment, I stopped projecting or anticipating what I "will be" doing when I am not doing what I am doing "now"... Or what I "will be" experiencing, or what I "will" become... I am what I am, and every moment is changing... I don't even need to expect myself to be better than what I am now, or be more peaceful than what I am now, or be more strong and flexible than what I am now, as I accept myself as I am in the present moment now as it is, and I allow impermanence or changes to happen, and I accept all the changes as it is from moment to moment... I am not determined by the condition of my body or the state of my mind... I do not identify with the impermanent changing good and bad qualities of the body and mind... I am what I am. I don't have to look for peacefulness, as I am peaceful. I don't have to get rid of suffering, as suffering doesn't exist by knowing the truth of "suffering". I don't have to be good or bad, as I am neither good nor bad...

For me, "teaching yoga" is not separated from everyday life routines. It is like everything else that my body and mind might be experiencing in life from moment to moment, like seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling and thinking, it is not a "thing" that I do or don't do. Sometimes certain experiences are there and in other time these experiences are not there. And all these experiences are impermanent, constantly changing, including "teaching yoga" or myself "practicing yoga"...

It is like, the awareness is aware of the mind is now seeing and enjoying a beautiful scenery in front of it, and of course this will change, either the mind perception or position will change, or the scenery will change even if the perception or position still the same... And the mind is being in the present, it doesn't project what it is going to experience in the next moment when it is finished seeing and enjoying this scenery... If that is happening, it means that the mind is no longer being in the present, nor seeing or enjoying the beautiful scenery that is in front of it now, but being busy anticipating and imagining what is going to be its other "experiences" other than this one in the present moment.

And so, surely I can give any answers that I want to give, and don't mind at all if that is not really what I want to do, or whether it will be exactly what I am going to do or not... As I know about the law of impermanence. There is nothing wrong with giving an answer about "what next" with the perception of the present moment now and what I think that is going to be, and at the same time, allowing the reality to be what it is even though it is not what we thought it could be... This way, there will be no disappointment at all when things don't turn out the way that we would like it to be...

Whether I am "busy" with teaching yoga, or having the "free time" not teaching yoga retreats or classes, I still live life the same, and being what I am, how I am and where I am... Whether I am here or somewhere else, doing the same things or something different, I am what I am...

The point is, when we (the mind/the ego) stop project into the future and stop limiting what we should be doing and not doing, the opportunity for doing anything is so unlimited, it can be anything beyond our knowledge, imagination and expectation... Why do we limit ourselves by restricting ourselves to some fixed "ideas", "plannings", "schemings", "anticipations" and "expectations"?

I am not a different person or am I doing something different whether I am being busy with teaching yoga retreats and classes, or not. Every moment, I am practicing yoga. I am teaching yoga, I am sharing yoga, whether I am teaching yoga retreats or classes, or not. Peace and compassion is not just exists in certain conditions or time and space. Peace and compassion exists everywhere and every moment. Whether towards other beings or towards my own self (this body and this mind)... Peace and compassion is here every moment...

I (the mind/the ego) don't think or feel that I need to do something different or special when I am not teaching, nor I can do certain things only when I am not teaching. Maybe the body and the mind can only be engaged with certain activities at one time, but I am appreciating every moment that the body and mind is doing and not doing at that moment... Such like, I am not able to be in another place when I am being here. But I accept that in this present moment now, I am here and not somewhere else...

And this is yoga. This is meditation. Training the mind to be in the present moment. Accepting the reality of the present moment now as it is, not necessarily the way that we want or like it to be, or the way that we think it should be... And not attach to this present moment either as even this present moment now, is impermanent, it is changing, and we allow impermanence or changes to happen, and accept all the changes as they are, accept the reality of everything as it is... And without the identification as the doer of the actions or the enjoyer of the fruit of the actions. It is just the body and the mind experiencing all these experiences. But "I" (the observer or the witness) am aware of the body and the mind is experiencing impermanent qualities of names and forms from moment to moment, and this awareness of being the observer or the witness is not being affected nor contaminated by all these impermanent experiences...

It is not about being a superhuman that have superpower to control things or to change things to be the way that we want or like it to be...

Even the enlightened beings didn't try to change the world... If they did, the world would be free from suffering and be in peace now...

I don't need to be intentionally plan to teach anybody at what time and what place... But it will come into an organized time and place naturally, without expectations, if that is suppose to happen, it will happen...

Every moment, "I" observe or witness what the body and the mind is experiencing, whether it is seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling, thinking, teaching, practicing, eating, drinking, driving, cleaning, writing, reading, organizing, sleeping, walking, sitting, standing, playing, bathing, shitting, and etc... "I" am not looking forward for the body and the mind to experience something that it is not experiencing now... But "I" allow all the experiences to come naturally by itself as it is... "I" am not associate with the body and mind, nor controlling what the body and mind is experiencing from moment to moment....

Even if I (the body and the mind) have the time to go to the toilet now, but I still have to wait for the body to be ready to pee or pass motion naturally... If there is dis-functioning of the elimination system, even if I want to pee, it won't happen...

If I planned to do something next week or next month, bought a ticket to go somewhere, but if there is some changes in the present moment now that the plan needs to be changed, I allow that change to be what it is according to the present moment now. Maybe it will change back into the original plan or change into something else or it won't happen at all... I just let it be...

Maybe in certain moments my body and my mind is engaged in certain activities, and in some other moments there are no activities at all, but there is no differences whether my body and mind is being busy with many activities or being free without any activities... I appreciate when there are activities as well as when there are no activities. I don't have to be "doing" something when I am free, and I am not looking forward to be free by not doing anything when I am busy...

I don't complain when I am busy nor when I am not busy...

I don't need to wait until holidays to enjoy my life nor I cannot enjoy life without having any holidays... I don't need to do something special or go somewhere special to enjoy life... Everything that I do or don't do, wherever I am or am not, I enjoy every moment of it...

I am content and at peace wherever I am and whatever I am doing and not doing.

Maybe in this present moment now, I might need to organize some activities for the upcoming retreats. But that "action" of organizing something for the upcoming retreats, is in the present moment now... I am still living in the present moment, from moment to moment.

If my mind starts to think about "What I am going to do next if I am not doing what I am doing now", then my mind will be projecting into the future, imagining and anticipating what I shall be doing or not doing in the next moment... The mind is wandering to the future projecting "things" or "actions" that don't exist at all. If I have no awareness of what is happening, and if I identified with the thinking process in the mind, then I am no longer being in the present moment anymore. I will be lost in the projections, imaginations and anticipations of something that is not existing at all.

It is the same when our mind is thinking about something that had happened in the past... If I identified with the thinking process in the mind, I am no longer being in the present moment, but I am lost in the past memories, and continue being affected, influenced, disturbed or determined by something that had happened in the past but doesn't exist in the present moment now... For example I might be thinking about somebody's hurtful actions in the past, and start to feel angry and upset for that past experience that doesn't exist in the present moment now, and making myself miserable and unpeaceful in the present moment... Merely wasting energy drowning ourselves in past experiences or memories...

That's why if we (the mind/the ego) are able to live in the present moment now, nothing can continue to upset us or make us unhappy. It is our own responsibility if we allow the past memories or experiences to continue to affect us, disturb us, influence us or determine us...

By having the awareness that is being aware of the mind is wandering to the future, projecting, imagining and anticipating about this and that, that awareness is in the very present moment. This awareness is different from the thinking process. It is observing or witnessing the thinking process... It is observing or witnessing the mind is thinking about something in the past or the future. The objects of the thinking process might be something coming from the past or the future, but, this awareness of being aware of the mind is thinking about something in the past or the future, it is not in the past nor in the future, it is in the very present moment now. Unless I haven't developed or connected with this awareness yet, then I am not being in the present moment whenever my mind starts projecting into the next moment, being lost in the imagination towards the future, or has gone to the past memories, being lost in the memories of the past... Constantly being determined, affected, disturbed or influenced by something that doesn't exist in the present moment now, and full of fear and worry...

Living in the present moment, I am allowing everything to be existing and non-existing whether it is something that my mind agrees or disagrees with, likes or doesn't like. I am allowing everything to come and go naturally...

Just like watching the sky, allowing all the changes in the sky to happen from moment to moment, without craving or aversion towards something that is not existing in the present moment, nor clinging or aversion towards something that is existing in the present moment. If it is sunny, let it be sunny... If it is cloudy, let it be cloudy... If it is rainy, let it be rainy... And not try to control or change sunny day to be cloudy day, nor change rainy day to be sunny day... As we (the mind/the ego) are never satisfied with what it is... We are always looking for something that is different from what it is...

I stop saying to people, "How did you feel?", "How was the class?", "This will be what you are going to become...", "This will be how you are going to experience and feel...", "This will be where you are going to be..." but in most conversations, I am more likely to say, "This is what we are doing now...", "This is how we are now...", "This is where we are now...".

Just take a look at our usual conversations with anybody that we come in contact with. Except for the first universal greeting sentence, "How are you?" which is being in the present, and the rest of the conversations are about the past or the future...

It seems like our mind is being conditioned by what the world has been "teaching" us. Whether it is to show interests or care towards other people, or mainly being busybody, it has became a social interaction, politeness or culture to ask anybody about "What have been happening to you, what have you done, where have you been, how did you feel, how and where did both of you meet, when did you start practicing yoga, when did you start teaching yoga, or what you are going to do, where you are going to, what you are going to become in the future, what is your future planning... and etc", to show that "I care about you", "I want to know about you", or else if we don't ask these questions when we meet somebody, it is being perceived as "impoliteness or rude or unfriendly or insociable" or "I don't care about you", "I don't want to know about you"...

But all these conversations are nothing but talking about the past or the future, empowering the past experiences or memories which are not the reality of the present moment now, clinging onto the past experiences, and projecting, imagining and anticipating about the future, which they both don't exist at all in the present moment. There is not a moment that we are being in the present moment, enjoying what is here in the present moment... The action of the conversation is in the present moment, but the subjects of the conversations are always from the past or the future... And the more we involve with such conversations, the harder it is for us to be in the present moment, to be free from anxiety, fear and worry that arise when the mind wanders to the past memories and future projections, anticipations and imaginations...

It seems like there is nothing to talk about without talking about the past and the future... That's why silence is the ultimate truth... Meditation is the mind entering silence. There is no past, no future, no dualities, no perception of names and forms...

If we had a strong heated conversation in the day, then at night when we want to take rest, all the contents of the conversation will bubble up on the surface of the mind making the mind restless and difficult to fall asleep...

Thank you for those who care and ask us this question as this inspires me to reflect upon the teaching about "living in the present moment"... And share this blog post with you who are reading this now.

In most time, there is nothing more to say, just being in the present moment... Whatever we are seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching and thinking are just being what they are... There is no judgment, no comparison, no expectation, no craving, no aversion... Peace in ourselves and peace to all...

This might seems to be "anti-socialism" in the eyes or the perception of the society, but take a look at the truth in most conversations, which mostly generating most of the restlessness, misunderstanding, complications, gossips, slandering, criticisms, judgments, comparisons, expectations, exploitations, disappointment, anxiety, fear, worry, depression, anger, agitation, hatred, jealousy, back-bitting, and etc..."

Speak less if possible, conserving energy for contemplating upon the truth and higher realization... If we need to speak, may it be speech that leads towards the truth, peace and harmony. Even though most of the time, truthfulness is not welcome, and the truth is not something that our mind or ego can agree with, nor something that our mind or ego likes and wants it to be...

Sometimes we are exhausting ourselves by engaging in too many activities that we think we should be doing for the sake of yoga, humanity or compassion. But by the end of the day, we are exhausted by too much worldly activities and neglecting our own over-all well-being... Even Buddha also would have his own time, not going out on the street to spread Dharma all the time, not meeting anyone, not talking, not performing any worldly activities or so called duties and responsibilities, and take rest... Even Guruji also will have time to play and rest... Who says playing and resting is not part of yoga and meditation practice? Being present while playing, being present while resting... Those who don't know about this, they are always "doing" something to keep themselves busy, but not necessarily being in the present...

Again, this practice of living in the present moment (non-attachment, letting go of the past and the future) is only an advice for those who are sincerely in search for peace... Anybody can do what they want to do, say what they like to say and be happy with the way that they are...

Be happy.

My life stories - Part 2

My life stories – Part 2
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…
 

(Updated November 2020)

I went to an English medium preschool kindergarten for one year before I entered a Chinese medium primary school for six years. I met and mixed with other children who were same age as me and from multi races. I made some good friends and learned about life from these friendships.

Whether I was born this way, or I was brainwashed and taught to be like this, there is something that I always strongly believe in – truthfulness and honesty. I was always very careful about not committing any wrong or immoral doings. If I realized I did something that I believed was wrong, I would admit my wrong doings and ask for forgiveness immediately. Though during the two years when I was disturbed by unhappiness, anger and hatred, I had intentionally hurt other people through my thoughts, actions and speech, especially to my parents.

Sometimes I forgot to do my homework, I went to inform the teacher that I hadn’t done my homework and gave my palm to the teacher to discipline me with a stroke of caning. When the marked exam paper came back to us, I would go to the teacher and asked for remarking and to deduct the extra points if I found out that the teacher mistakenly gave me more points than it should be. We don’t take what doesn’t belong to us. This might be referred as “stupid honesty” by some people, but it’s a great virtue in the teachings of Buddhism and Yoga.

If I found something left unattended in the school compound, I would bring it to the teacher. When the cashiers in the shops carelessly gave me extra change, I would give it back to them so that they wouldn’t get into trouble for losing money from the cash machine. I wouldn’t take anything that doesn’t belong to me. I wouldn’t accept any gifts or receive help from anyone, unless I knew the person who wanted to give me something or help me was pure and sincere.

I was very self-independent and self-initiative. I didn’t need my parents to wake me up in the morning to prepare myself to go to school. I was always punctual and be responsible for myself and all my duties. I always kept my promises that I made to other people. I would show up on time after I had arranged a date to meet up with my friends, even if the date was months later. I would do what I said I wanted to do for myself or for others. That’s why I don’t simply make promises to anybody unless I know I can do it.

My primary school’s class teacher was aware of the truthfulness and honesty in me. One day, she granted me an honour for being honest – In front of all the classmates, she stood up for me and guaranteed that I am an honest and truthful person who won’t tell lies or steal anything, to defend my innocence because of a little incident that happened in our classroom that day.

Someone in the class had been stealing things from most of the classmates from time to time. Things had been missing from our bags or desks. My colour pencils and water bottle also went missing.

One day, my classmate who sat in front of me told our teacher that his exercise book was missing. And so, our teacher called upon everyone and asked whoever took his exercise book to come forward and return the book. He or she would be excused and be forgiven. But there was nobody stepped forward or said anything. The entire class was never been so quiet. Then the teacher asked everyone to search their bags to see if there might be a chance that the exercise book was in one of our bags. I didn’t know what happened, but surprisingly, I found the exercise book in my bag.

Without any fear or guilt I told the teacher and everyone that the exercise book was in my bag and I honestly didn’t know why it was in my bag. I might have put it in my bag accidentally, or someone might had put it into my bag unintentionally or intentionally. For me, it really didn’t matter because I knew I didn’t take it or steal it. But then everyone had the same reaction of thinking that I must be the thief who had stolen the exercise book. The entire class went from silent to noisy. Everyone was pointing their fingers at me and whispering to each other, as if I was guilty for stealing the book. But because I was always being truthful, honest and straightforward, my teacher immediately stood up for me and defend my innocence. She asked everyone to believe in me that I was innocent and I was an honest and truthful person that I wouldn’t tell any lies or steal anything, and she would guarantee that. And so, everyone stopped judging me, but respected me for being a truthful and honest person from that moment.

Since then, my belief about being truthful and honest became stronger than before. By observing truthfulness and honesty will gain such trustworthy and respect from everyone. If somebody who was jealous of me tried to accuse me for something that I wasn’t responsible for, or if someone questioned about my honesty, the people who knew me would believe in me and stood up for me. That’s the power of truthfulness and honesty.

For the first three years in the primary school, I was very bad at Mandarin, but I was good at Malay and English. This was because I had went to an English medium kindergarten. I was good at mathematics and science too. I always paid attention in the class and would asked the teacher immediately after class if there was anything that I missed out or didn’t understand. I seldom study after school, but I could get good results for the examinations. Unintentionally, all my subjects in Mandarin started to improve significantly from the fourth year onwards.

I was never being close to my two brothers and my sister. We seldom played together when I was growing up. I guess one of the reasons was because there were many years difference between me and them. It’s also because they went to English and Malay medium’s school. They didn’t know Chinese at all. And so, they couldn’t help me in my homework and study, as all my subjects were in Chinese. Anyway, I didn’t need anyone to help me in my homework and study. I never needed to go for extra tuition classes like most of my classmates.

I also had very good image memory to remember what I had read. I didn’t need to revise what the teachers taught us in school every day. I just needed to go to sleep early on the night before the exam, and got up at three in the morning. I browsed through the text book while listening to some music. I would remember page by page of what I had read and could answer the questions exactly like a print out from the book. Though I never bothered about the results and placing in the class, I often had very good results from the examinations. Maybe it was because my parents never pressured us and we didn’t feel that we needed to compete with other people or among our siblings. I never felt that I needed to be good enough so that I would receive love and attention from my parents. My parents never tried to bribe us with things or presents to encourage us to get good results in school examinations. They just told us to do our best. Even though my parents never pressured me to achieve good results, I was self-initiated to do well most of the time, not that I needed to prove to my parents or myself, but naturally, I just did well because I wanted to. My parents loved us the same even though my brothers weren’t very smart and always failed in most of the subjects in school examinations. I am really glad we have such parents.

On one of the celebration days where everyone cooked and ate glutinous rice dumpling, my family had come together to tease me. The lesson I learned from that incident was we shouldn’t eat too much glutinous rice dumpling at one time no matter how delicious they are, as eating too much glutinous rice is indigestible and will cause drowsiness. When I came back from school that afternoon, I ate a few of the dumplings my mother made for the family and they were really delicious. Not long after eating, I felt really drowsy and I went for a nap which turned into a deep sleep for a few hours.

Then my mother came to my room to wake me up and told me that it was time to go to school. I was still in a very drowsy condition. I was blur-blur. I didn’t know what was going on and I believed what my mother said to me. I turned to look at the clock, it was six something. Usually the school bus came around that time in the morning to pick me up. At that moment, I heard the bus went passed our house.

I panicked. I was never late for anything. I quickly jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, ran back to my room and changed into my school uniform, took my school bag and ran out to the gate, and stood there waiting for the school bus to come back for me. I remembered that I was telling myself, “I haven’t done all my homework yet!”

When I was running to the bathroom which was located at the back of our house, I passed by the living hall and the kitchen. I saw my brother was in the living hall pumping the kerosene lamp for the house. Our house didn’t have electricity supply yet at that time. Meanwhile, my mother was cooking in the kitchen. Usually they wouldn’t be awake and do all these things in the early morning. When I ran out to the gate I also saw some children were talking and playing around. Usually nobody would be playing and making noise in the early hours. It all didn’t make sense, but I didn’t suspect anything because I was panicking about being late for school. I still hadn’t a clue what was going on. I was so blurred by the drowsiness and so naive to believe what my mother said to me – “It’s time to go to school.”

I was standing in front of the gate in my school uniform with my school bag.

A few moments later, everyone started to look at me and laughed. My mother came out from the house, grabbed me with her strong arms and carried me back into the house while telling me the truth that it was evening time, not morning! It was dinner time. That’s why there were children playing out there! That’s why my mother was cooking and my brother was pumping the kerosene lamp to light up the house! And the school bus that I heard was sending school children from the afternoon session back home.

Until now we still remember what happened that day and we would have a good laugh about it.

I was an outgoing girl who liked to ride my bicycle and went everywhere. I danced most of the time, climbed up the trees, and played with the boys and fought with them playing ‘kung fu fighting’. I played football, basketball, baseball, badminton, flying kites and catching butterflies. I also played rope jumping, hide and seek, slippers throwing, hopscotch, ‘five stones’, and etc. I liked to hang out on the sand hills and the wood factory on top the hill opposite our house. Sometimes I hung out at my friend’s house. I was the leader of the gang of our friends in the village. Among them were two sisters named Ya Li and Ya Fang. They lived further inside the village closer to the Klang River. There was a Sikh family who had a small cowshed near the river. They bred some cows for fresh milk and sold it in a big milk can placed on top of a bicycle going around the village. I liked to organize games like playing court case, where each of us played a character in the court. We also liked to sing in the school bus. Because of my energetic activities, I had several scars on my knees coming from falling onto the ground while playing and fell off the bicycle many times.

One day, I went to sleep over at my friend’s house. I brought my own pillow and bolster with me, and walked to her house which was about 200 meters away from our house. I was seven years old then. I was so embarrassed that day because I peed on her bed in the middle of the night. I apologized to her parents the next morning. Everyone knew about it and teased me for that incident and laughed about it for some time. Though this childhood good friend of mine whose name was Lye Wan didn’t go to the school that I went to, she and I had spent so much time together as we grew up together in Kampung Pinang. We lost contact for more than 23 years after the village was demolished. However, one day, she found me on Facebook in 2009.

I befriended a few other kids who were living in the same village, but not from the same school or taking the same school bus. I was a good friend to a girl named Shi Huey who was five years younger than me and her house was right behind our house. She always came over to my house to play with me. She fell down on our terrace and lost two of her front teeth on my twelfth birthday’s party. I also knew a girl named Sally who was one year older than me. She came from a Catholic family. I spent lots of time hanging out with her for many years. She became a hairdresser and had her own hair salon near Old Klang Road. I even rented a room in her hair salon to set up my first aerobics dance studio when I was eighteen years old.

There was a Punjabi girl named Sonny who lived opposite my house had picked up Cantonese from being friend with me. We spent lots of time together cycling in and around the village. Sometimes I went to her house for Punjabi meal and she also came to our house for Chinese meal.

I was good friend with a brother and sister too. They were Ah Sang and Ah Fong, who were a few years younger than me. They lived next door to our house and we have the same surname. Our surname ‘Lai’, was not a common surname. In the Chinese tradition, those who have the same surname will treat each other like brother and sister even though they might not relate to each other. They always came over to our house and we liked to climb up the big cherry tree in our garden.

I even organized a ‘bank saving account’ game. I was the banker and a few of my friends would save some coins with me every day. I kept a note book and wrote down the amount of money that they gave me, or took out. Sometimes we would use the total savings to buy some snacks and shared among ourselves. Those were such happy days.

All these childhood happy days disappeared when my family suffered from financial problem for some reasons related to my sister and her late husband, which made me very angry, and continuously being greatly unhappy for more than two years. Anyway, he died from a horrific work accident years later.

During the financial difficult moments in our family, I had shut myself off from everybody. I was full of anger and hatred and I was very depressed. I cried every day. I didn’t want to talk to my family for a long time. I locked myself in the bedroom and danced every night for a few hours to release my unhappiness. I developed a very special affection for small insects during that time and would prefer to talk to little insects especially bugs, than talking to people. I went out in the middle of the night and sat on the hilltop by myself watching the stars in the sky. I was not afraid of anything.

It is true that a person who is full of anger and hatred will not be afraid of anything, not even God, Devil, Hell or Death. When a person has intense anger and hatred in the heart, he or she doesn’t believe in anything at all. And so, what is hell and what is God are meaningless to this person. I prayed to Devil when I was very angry and I cursed everything and everyone, including my parents, my family, the people on the street, the sun, the moon, the stars, and God, even though all these things, people and the universe has nothing to do with my unhappiness. I was so unhappy, angry and full of hatred.

My second elder brother was three years older than me. He was also greatly disturbed by our family financial problem and became very cold and rebellious. He couldn’t forgive our parents and our sister and her late husband for many years. I left school a year before the secondary school final year, which was a pity, but I never regret about it because in the end, wisdom and peace and happiness are not coming from school education, but it’s coming from within ourselves through learning from life experiences and self-realization towards the truth of suffering. No doubt that school education is very important to learn how to read and write and communicate, to learn about different languages, cultures, religions, sports, morality, geography, history, mathematics, science and professional skills for making a living, but how many schools teach us how to be happy and have peace, or teach us how to transcend suffering and be free from ignorance, unhappiness, hurt, anger, hatred, greed, fear and worry?

We may have read a lot of books, have many talented skills, know and speak many languages, know about many things, have been to many places in the world, and have many friends, but it doesn’t guarantee that we will be free from ignorance and the suffering of hurt, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, doubt, fear and worry, and will have peace and be happy in life.

I was lucky to be able to transform myself and came out from misery that had kept me in darkness for more than two years. I started to talk to my parents again and showed love and care for them. But my brother was continuing to be very unhappy for many years. Only until recently he forgave my family and started to care for my parents again just a couple of years before my mother died, which was good for him and my parents. Or else, he would regret for the rest of his life, if he hadn’t forgave my parents before my mother died, and she wouldn’t have peace as well.

Though I wasn’t a sociable person at school, I made a few true and sincere friends at school. After spending six years together in the same class at the primary school, I made a long term friendship with two of my classmates. One of them was always on the top of the placing in the class, while the other one was always at the bottom placing in the class, but we became good friends because we didn’t discriminate one another. We continued to be friends and kept in touch with each other once in a while after we finished primary school. Sadly, one of them killed herself in 2004 just before I went to India for the Yoga Teachers Training Course. Her sudden death gave me a great reflection about life, suffering and happiness.

She was born into a broken family. Her father was a wealthy businessman. Her parents were forced to get married as her mother was pregnant with her at young aged. They were separated when my friend was just a few months old and both of them had formed another family after their divorce. Both her parents abandoned her. Her grandmother took her in and looked after her. She was very grateful for that and she loved her grandmother very much, which was also the reason why her depression became more serious when her grandmother passed away. She was one of the top graduates of higher education. She worked as a marketing manager in a big advertising company, and smoked at least 2 packets of cigarettes a day.

Her first marriage lasted for one year. She married to the man whom she thought she knew very well after being best friend for 10 years. The husband was well-educated and had a high income nine to five office job, just like some other well-educated men.

Not long after they were married, she then realized her newly-wed husband was like a complete stranger to her. She started to discover many things that she didn’t know about him. She was so shocked with the truth of his real personality and was deeply disappointed with their relationship and marriage. She didn’t know that he was such an irresponsible man until they lived together sharing a life under the same roof. She found out that her husband was addicted to gambling seriously. She knew he gambled occasionally just like all the other Chinese community, but she thought that was just one of the leisure activities that most Chinese like to engage with. He liked to go to Genting Highlands Casino for gambling. Unfortunately, he lost a lot of money and started to borrow money from the loan sharks money lender. He lost all the money borrowed from the loan sharks and didn’t have the money to pay back the loan. He secretly went to her father and borrowed a lot of money from him. He lied to her father about why he needed to borrow so much money and convinced him not to let her know about it. He took all the money borrowed from her father to Genting Highlands again for more gambling hoping to win back what he had lost, but instead, he lost everything he had. He couldn’t pay back the loan sharks and was in debt with the father-in-law. And so, what he did? He ran away without telling her and went missing for many months without any contact from him.

What worst was, he didn’t just run away. He also took all her savings in cash which she kept in the house. She didn’t want to keep money in the banks. She said she didn’t trust the bank. She taught she could trust her husband, but she was wrong.

She only found out the truth about her husband when the loan sharks came to her house looking for the husband, and threatened her to pay back the money borrowed by her husband who had ran away shamelessly. She also found out about the husband had borrowed lots of money from her father. She was completely heartbroken.

Meanwhile she found out that she was pregnant, which the husband had no idea about it. She was supposed to be very happy for having to be pregnant because she always wanted to have her own children ever since she was a young girl. She strongly believed that a woman’s life wouldn’t be complete until she had her own children to form a perfect family. She was very worried for her unborn child to have such an irresponsible, selfish and shameless father. She made a very heart-breaking decision. She went for an abortion out of great anger and disappointment. She felt guilty for that afterwards and had regretted it for the rest of her life. She filed a divorce after her husband’s disappearance for many months. He showed up one day to sign the divorce paper, but seeing him again was like putting salt onto the existing wounds.

Few years later she met another well-educated man also with a decent high income job. She fell in love and got married again. Not long after they were married, she got pregnant not once, but twice. She was very happy to have her own children that she always dreamt of. She was determined to quit smoking while she was pregnant for the sake of the baby’s health. She continued her two boxes of cigarettes every day as soon as she stopped breast feeding.

She suffered post natal depression after the first baby. She recovered, but not for long. She wanted another baby to fulfill her wish to have a few children to complete her perfect happy family life. She was pregnant again two years later and gave birth to another baby boy. We went to her house to visit her and the baby. She didn’t talk about her problems. She seemed happy with her wishes came true and was very loving towards her new born baby boy. Her husband seemed like a good gentleman.

A few months later, one of our classmates called me in great distressed and told me that she had passed away about a month ago. The three of us used to hang out together frequently before her second marriage and the two pregnancies. We didn’t know what had happened to her or how she died. Nobody knew anything about her sudden death, not any of our classmates. The husband didn’t inform anyone of us about her death and the funeral. I had called her and texted her many times before and after her death, but there was no reply. Then only I knew why she hadn’t returned my calls and messages. Because she was dead. We couldn’t keep in the dark and wanted to find out what had happened to her.

My friend called her husband. The husband didn’t want to tell her anything about her death, but just said that the two boys were living with his parents in Penang. We were looking for an answer. Finally, we found our answer from an old newspaper dated November 9th, 2004. It was really heart-breaking and painful for us to read the article about her death. The article was about how she had jumped from her 15th floor apartment’s balcony and fell to her death instantly in the morning about 10.30 a.m. on November 8th, 2004. The neighbours told the reporters that they always heard arguments from her apartment about money issues.

We knew about her death in December 2004, and I went to India in early January 2005. I was very sad about her death, but I was more determined to find out the truth about suffering and the path of liberation from suffering. She had chosen what she wanted to do with her life. I respect her decision.

That was the past. I continued my journey in search for real peace and happiness.

I also made a long term friendship with a pair of twin sisters in my secondary school, who both worked as flight attendant for more than eighteen years. We were in the same class for our first year in the secondary school, but then we were separated in different classes afterwards. They looked after me knowing that I had financial difficulty at home. They brought me gift from everywhere in the world that they flew to, and brought me out for a coffee and/or meal when they were back at home. They are both happily married and have beautiful children who are grown-ups now. They were very understanding when I renounced social life more than ten years ago. Good friends don’t need to meet up and connect with one another frequently, and still being friend and understanding towards one another.

Thanks to the Dhamma, Madonna and everyone who had inspired and helped me to come out from miseries. Thanks to my parents who didn’t question me for my bad behaviour and they didn’t abandon me and were very patient with me, and continued to love me and care for me, gave me their supports to pursue my dreams in dancing, and having the opportunity to become an aerobics dance instructor teaching aerobics classes making a living to support myself and my parents.

My mother was the driver who sent me everywhere to teach aerobics classes. She waited patiently in the car park until I finished teaching and then sent me back home because I hadn’t learn how to drive yet, not until I was thirty three years old. I had fear of crossing the road and fear of driving in the past because I was involved in a few car accidents as a passenger when I was a child. It would take me very long time to cross over the road. I would wait until there was completely no cars in sight to cross the road. But now it’s a different story. I love and enjoy driving very much. I’m free from fear. After I learned how to drive and bought a small car to travel in and around Kuala Lumpur, I managed to teach a lot more aerobics classes which led to a higher income that allowed me to have a little bit of savings for myself after giving money to support my parents’ living every month.

And thanks to myself, who had initiated to uplift and love myself, and saved myself out of the ocean of ignorance and suffering.

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