About Likes And Dislikes, Craving And Aversion

Likes and dislikes, craving and aversion is the basic teaching of yoga philosophy and Buddhism. It is the root cause of suffering. It is generating the chain reaction of desire >> craving >> actions and reactions >> dissatisfaction >> suffering >> loss of memories >> ignorance >> the cycle of births and deaths to reap the karma that derived from actions and reactions >> the body of suffering >> desire.

We all want to be happy and are always looking for happiness. We don’t want unhappiness and suffering.

If we truly want to be happy, we need to know what is real happiness which doesn’t fade away or which will last long. We need to know what is the cause of unhappiness and know how to transcend both happiness and unhappiness.

Even when we think that we don’t mind if the feeling of happiness is just temporary and doesn’t last long, and we still want to enjoy all these momentary happiness from attaining the things that we want and like, it still cannot remove our unhappiness and suffering. We will be unceasingly running back and forth from unhappiness to happiness, and from happiness to unhappiness until we are so tired from restlessness. At the end, we will be exhausted and feeling empty.

Basically if we don’t have any unhappiness (imbalanced state of mind – either being agitated or depressed), we are in happiness (balanced state of mind). If we know what is the cause of unhappiness, and know how to not getting into unhappiness (maintaining a balanced state of mind), we will know what is happiness. But know that even this balanced state of mind (calmness) is also impermanent. It will be disturbed and become imbalanced. And if we know how to let go of this state of calmness also, and not attached to the temporary disturbed and imbalanced state of the mind, accept the reality of everything as it is, then we will come to a state that is real happiness or peacefulness. A true and lasting peacefulness that is undisturbed and unaffected by all the happenings out there or within our body and the mind.

It is nothing to do with the things that we like or dislike, have or don’t have, do or don’t do, can do or cannot do. It is nothing about praise or condemn, success or failure, positive or negative, good or bad, comfortable or not comfortable. It is doesn’t matter if we are being praised or condemned, successful or not, positive or not, good or not, comfortable or not, doing the things that we like or not, having the things that we like or not, and we can still remain peaceful and content at what we have and don’t have, what we do and don’t do, and wherever we are. And this peacefulness is always there unchanging, no matter where we are, who we are, what we do, how we feel, what is the condition of our body and the mind, and whatever is happening within and without the world. Peacefulness is not something to be found at this place or that place. Happiness is not something to be found in what we should do and should not do.

Every beings have this peacefulness, it doesn’t matter if we realize it or not. It doesn’t matter if we have been “good” or “evil”, being “negative” or “positive”, having everything or not having anything at all, feeling “happy” or “unhappy”, this peacefulness is always there and never abandon us and never will. It is ourselves. It is our true nature. How can we move away from ourselves? We can’t. Whether we like ourselves or hate ourselves, we cannot leave ourselves. We can change another body, change another life, but we cannot leave ourselves.

What is “not happy”? It is the bad feelings or uncomfortable feelings or sad feelings that we have in our hearts. We are not happy when we have pain, anger, hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction (greed), disappointment, irritation, frustration, depression, sadness, lost or confusion, doubts, fears and worries. We are not happy when our desires are not being satisfied. We are not happy when things are against our wish. We are not happy when we have to separate from our loved ones. We are not happy when our loved ones don’t love us or care for us. We are not happy when we cannot do what we want to do or like to do… And so on.

Ask ourselves this question – “Why am I not happy?”.

We will find out that we are not happy mainly is because thing happens not the way that we want it to be or not the way that we like it to be.

We are not happy when we are hurt, in pain physically and mentally, angry, jealous, dissatisfied, disappointed, irritated, frustrated, depressed, sad, confused, insecure, lack of confidence, lack of knowledge, lack of everything, doubting, afraid and worried.

And why do we have all these “things” that make us unhappy in our hearts? It is because of likes and dislikes. It is all derived from craving and aversion. Very simple.

Anger, hatred and jealousy happen when we have irritation or frustration about something that is against our wish, not the way that we like it to be.

We have irritation when we see or hear or smell or taste or touch or think about the things that we don’t like. We have frustration when we don’t see or hear or smell or taste or touch or think about the things that we like.

The stronger our dislike about certain sights or sounds or smells or tastes or feels or thoughts, the stronger our irritation and frustration will be. We are easily get annoyed or agitated when our senses come in contact with the things that we don’t like. We are having strong aversion or rejection towards the things that we don’t like.

At the same time, there are things that we like. We will be craving or longing for the things that we like. If we don’t see or hear or smell or taste or touch or think about the things that we like, we will be frustrated.

The stronger our like about certain things, the stronger the frustration will be when we don’t get what we want. We only want things that we want and like, and we don’t want things that we don’t want or dislike. We will be very unhappy if this craving and aversion is not being gratified.

We think that if we get the things that we want or have the things that we like or do the things that we like to do will make us feel happy or will give us happiness. We also think that if we don’t get the things that we don’t want or don’t have the things that we don’t like or not do the things that we don’t like to do, will make us happy or give us happiness.

But is it so? Not really.

They might give us temporary good feelings but they don’t last long. These happy feelings cannot stay in our hearts forever unchanging or not disappearing. We cannot be constantly happy and not having unhappiness even though we get all the things that we want, have all the things that we like, and do all the things that we like to do. Because at the same time, we will also have sadness, fears and worries accompany with this happy feeling that we are having, being afraid of losing this happy feeling due to impermanence and reluctant to let go when these things or happy feelings are fading away or not there anymore.

We also cannot avoid not coming into contact with the things that we don’t want or don’t like. And we don’t always get the things that we want or like, even though materially maybe we could get whatever we want through our wealth and power, but in real we all know that all these things that we like and have cannot guarantee us long lasting happiness. As soon as these happy feelings disappear, the feeling of emptiness or unhappy feelings will replace this momentary “happy” feeling.

Because both these happy and unhappy feelings are very momentary or transitory. They keep changing all the times and will disappear sooner or later. Even though we will get very excited at the beginning when we are having the things that we want or like. But after a while, this feeling will fade away even though we still have those things with us.

It is because in truth, all the things out there, they have no values or meanings of happiness or unhappiness. They cannot give us happiness or unhappiness. It is our own mind that is judging or catergorizing everything that we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think into “good” or “bad”, “comfortable” or “not comfortable”. And then our ego will generate likes and dislikes towards everything. It will crave for the things that it likes and reject the things that it doesn’t like. When this craving and aversion is being gratified, we will feel momentary satisfaction, feel good and are “happy”. And when this craving and aversion is not being gratified, we will feel dissatisfaction, feel bad and are “not happy”.

Due to the fact of the truth or the law of impermanence, everything will have to go through existence, changes, decaying and disappearing. Nothing is permanent except our true Self, which is unchanging, undecaying and forever exist. It is beyond existence and non-existence, beyond all the names and forms, beyond all qualities of good and bad, beyond birth and death, beyond happiness and unhappiness, beyond comfortable and uncomfortable, beyond likes and dislikes. It is beyond the mind, the senses, the ego and the intellect. If we stop identifying ourselves with the body, the mind, the ego, the intellect, the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations, the likes and dislikes; and identifying ourselves with this true Self, we will be at peace instantly.

This peacefulness is always there with us from the very beginning of existence until now, it never left us. It is when we have impurities like anger, hatred, jealousy, doubts, fears, worries, depression, agitation, irritation, frustration and disappointment, our state of mind is being disturbed or imbalanced, we can’t see our true Self. We are disconnected with our true nature, which is peacefulness. And this peacefulness is forever there. It is the true happiness that we are looking for since we were born. It is within us already. It is us. It is not something to be gained or to be found or to be attained from outside.

It is nothing to do with all the things out there, things that we think are good or not good, things that we want or don’t want, things that we like or don’t like, or things that make us feel comfortable or not comfortable. It is all in our mind. When the mind is not balanced, everything will make us uncomfortable, feel bad and unhappy. Everything is not nice and not peaceful. When our mind is balanced, everything will seem to be okay and fine, and we will feel good and happy. But know that this feeling of “good” and “bad” are both transitory too. We cannot attach to them.

If we attached to “good” feelings, we will be sad and unhappy when this good feeling is disappearing or when we couldn’t get it. If we attached to “bad” feelings, we will be sad and unhappy when this bad feeling is existing in our mind or when we couldn’t get rid of it.

All we need to do is to purify our mind. Remove all the impurities. Let go all the thoughts, feelings and sensations. Allow all these “things” to arise and passing away in our body and mind, watch them come and watch them go, just be aware of them but not identify with them nor react to them. Stop catergorizing them (thoughts, feelings and sensations) into “good” or “bad”, “comfortable” and “not comfortable”. They have no intention to be good or bad, or being comfortable or uncomfortable. They are just being what they are. They are not “good” nor “not good”. It is the habit of the mind that want to labeled things into this and that. Know that all these thoughts, feelings and sensations are very temporary and will change and disappear. We don’t have to give any values or meanings to them at all. Once we know how to do this, we will stop generating likes and dislikes, cravings and aversions towards everything that we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think. We will remain equanomous, undisturbed or unaffected by all these things that we perceive in the mind through our senses. When our mind is balanced and calmed, we can see our true Self again, and reunite with it, which is peacefulness.

Nothing can give us happiness and unhappiness nor make us happy or unhappy. It is our own mind that is creating the temporary or false state of happiness and unhappiness.

It’s all come back to the practice of non-attachment, acceptance and letting go.

Know the truth of things. Accept everything as it is. Accept the truth as it is. And let go. Not holding on to the “bad” things. Not holding on to the “good” things either. Happy and unhappy feelings are caused by imbalanced energy, imbalanced hormones and imbalanced state of mind. Nothing to do with “things” and “happenings”. Even when we have the entire world for ourselves and do whatever we want to do, we will still be dissatisfied. Even if we are being surrounded by lots of people, family and friends, we will still feel loneliness or emptiness. Even if we are being oneself alone in the solitude, we are still not peaceful.

Know this truth, and we can transcend unhappiness and suffering. True happiness is beyond all names and forms, beyond happiness and unhappiness, beyond our likes and dislikes, beyond what we want and don’t want, beyond this body and mind, beyond existence and non-existence. Let go of our craving and aversion, let go of all the attachments towards “good” and “bad”, true happiness is here instantly.

By understanding the truth of happiness and unhappiness, we gain control over our own mind and the ego. We will not be disturbed by the things that we like and don’t like. We can enjoy everything and not upset when these things change or disappear.

All the relationships that we are having now are temporary too. If we cannot accept this truth, we will be in suffering when we are separated from our loved ones due to impermanence out of natural or unnatural cause, willingly or reluctantly, acceptable or unacceptable reason. Although they are just temporary, but we can appreciate and be happy while we are having all these relationships with everyone whom we love, at this present moment now.

May we all be happy. Truly happy.