This was a message from one of my yoga student... And this is what I replied to her.
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Hi there,
It is very normal that we will be apart from our family and friends at some stage in our life.
When we love and care for someone, we don't have to be together in the same place or be together all the time, but appreciate each other when we are being together, and continue to care for each other when we are apart, but without worrying...
Worry doesn't bring any positive changes to anything, but will make us loose the concentration on where we are and what we are doing at the present moment. It doesn't benefit us and the other person whom we worry about.
When you start to accept that in this present moment now, you are being there and your parents are being here, physically you are apart from each other, but actually there is no separation at all between you and your parents. Space and time cannot separate you and the people that you love. Space or distance doesn't exist when you accept yourself being where you are and not thinking about why you are not being at some other places now?
Imagine that if you are here living in the same house with your parents, do you always be with your parents every moment all the time? No... You need to get out of the house and be in the office, or meet up with your friends, or go for a movie or shopping... Or your parents want to have their own space to do their own things. But will you start to worry about your parents when you are not with them during those time that you are not being together?
Most of the time for people who live in the same house, they don't really see each other very often... In fact they'll start to feel that they need a distance from the people who live together in the same house, or have some privacy without some other people around them.
Whether it is being close together touching each other, or being 1 foot away, or 1 Km away, or 100 Km away, or 10000 Km away from each other, it makes no difference when you truly love and care for somebody, but without want to possess the physical togetherness or want them to stay close to us all the time.
If your parents are going to be fine, why should you worry for them?
And if your parents are not going to be fine, then by worrying is not going to help anything. If you really want to see your parents, anytime you can just come home, let go of your job for a few days, for a few months, or a few years, if your parents are so important to you... Even if you are going to loose your job for seeing your parents, why not? If your parents are really that important to you... It is just an excuse if we think that we cannot see our parents because of "something" that stops us from doing that...
If you think that because of your job, you cannot come home to see your parents, it means that your parents are not as important as what you think they are to you. Your job is more important then.
Even if you come back to where your parents are, it is not necessary that you will be living in the same house or at the same neighbourhood. Should you be still worry for your parents then, just because you are not living together?
And if you are living together with your parents in the same house, are you going to stop worrying for them? Do you still worry for your parents if you going to leave them and do your own thing for a few hours, or for a few days, or for a few months?
And so, worrying is not about how far you are apart from each other, and it is not about how long you will be apart from each other. It is not about whether you are living together or not, or living in the same country or not?
It is not that being closer, it will be less worry. And being further apart, it will be more worry... It is not that you'll be apart for a short time, the worry is less, and if you'll be apart for a long time, the worry is more...
If somebody we love had passed away, we will miss them but we won't worry for them... If you will worry for somebody who had already passed away, then you will be worry for everything no matter where you are...
And so, why worry? Even if the people whom we love are still alive but are not well, being worry won't make them better... Worrying is meaningless... Wasting our energy and time but doesn't benefit anything.
It is about whether you want to worry (go ahead and start worrying, it's your freedom to worry) or let go of worrying (stop worrying, it's in your control to let go of worrying)...
Be happy wherever you are, you still can care for somebody who is very far apart from you physically but you are never separated from them in your heart...
Love connect you and the people you love. You are always "together" with the people you love... And you don't have to be with them to stay close together physically and seeing them all the time.
And if you really want to be with your parents, want to spend time with them while they are still healthy and alive, then you can just come back and be with them for as much as you want. It is all up to you.
Most of the time, we are just giving a lot of excuses to ourselves about we cannot do this or cannot do that because of "this" or "that"... And making ourselves feeling confuse about what we really want.
The best gift that we can give to our parents to show love and gratitude to them is by taking good care of ourselves and be peaceful and happy... So that our parents don't need to worry for us at all. And so, why do we want to worry our parents by worrying for them?
But if one day, our parents need us to be there for them, then there shall be no excuse at all that why we are not being there for them... Unless we had tried our best to be there but it didn't happen, then we have to forgive ourselves and let go...
Wish you all the best.
Om shanti.
Meng Foong
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