This teaching is for those who would like to help some others or themselves, who felt hurt and angry by some past hurtful experiences, and continuing to feel hurt and angry by those past hurtful experiences, and for many years onward, they would behave in the way that hurt themselves and others out of those hurts and anger either wittingly or unwittingly, while blaming the past hurtful experiences and those who inflicted hurtful behavior onto them for all their failure and unhappiness in life, and for their own reaction of hurtful behavior onto themselves and others, to have clearer understanding towards hurts and hurtful behavior, and be free from such ignorance and suffering.
People would want to think and believe that forgiveness is the key to be free from hurts and be free from anger due to those hurts. There's nothing wrong with that. However, the thinking and belief about "I want to forgive and I have forgiven those who had hurt me" without thorough understanding towards hurts and hurtful behavior won't free the minds from continuing be disturbed by the past hurtful experiences and feel hurt and angry in the present and for the rest of one's life, and would hurt oneself and others out of those hurt and anger, even after many years.
There are some people who refuse to forgive and continuing to feel hurt and angry, and blaming those past hurtful experiences as the cause of their own hurtful behavior and unhappiness in life. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's their freedom to think, feel, act, react and behave as they are.
Meanwhile, there are many people who would want to be free from hurts and anger, who would want to be able to forgive and let go, or who think and believe that they have had forgiven those who had inflicted some hurtful experiences onto them in the past, but somehow, they would still be disturbed very much by the remembrance towards those hurtful experiences and continuing to feel hurt and angry, and would behave in the way that hurt themselves and others out of those reactions of hurt and anger deriving from remembering the past hurtful experiences in the present moment, while thinking and believing that it's the responsibility of those who had inflicted hurtful experiences onto them in the past for ruining their life for behaving in the way that hurt themselves and others, for all their failure and unhappiness in the present moment and the rest of their life.
There is the thought/belief of "I was being hurt by some others who had done something bad, wrong and hurtful to me, and I deserved to feel hurt and angry, and I deserve to continue to feel hurt and angry, and it's their responsibility for all my unhappiness and my hurtful behavior now." This is because the mind didn't or doesn't understand about hurts and hurtful behavior.
Some would even blame themselves for other people's hurtful behavior. "I was bad and I am not good. That's why I deserved all those hurtful behavior from others."
Regardless of whether intentionally or unintentionally, wittingly or unwittingly, randomly or deliberately, people who inflict hurtful behavior onto themselves or others, is all out of ignorance.
Out of ignorance, some minds are intentionally and wittingly inflicting hurtful behavior onto others to hurt others randomly or deliberately, while some are unintentionally and unwittingly inflicting hurtful behavior onto others that hurt others, randomly. Both conditions are a form of mental illness. Those who are not mentally ill, they will have sufficient understanding, awareness and self-control towards their own behavior, action and reaction.
None can reason with those who are ignorant, who are mentally ill, who would behave in the way that hurt themselves and others, wittingly or unwittingly.
It's not something bad or wrong, if the minds are under the influence of ignorance and are mentally ill, where they don't have understanding, awareness and self-control over their own behavior, action and reaction. Just that those behaviors are hurting themselves, their lives and some others.
We can say that it's unfortunate if we reluctantly come/came in contact with a mentally ill unknown person who inflicts/inflicted hurtful behavior onto us randomly, even if it's someone that we know within the family or friend circle. We acknowledge the consequences of other people's ignorant destructive behavior and clean up whatever mess that is necessary, and move on our life without being determined by the destructive behavior of those who are ignorant and mentally ill. We don't and shouldn't blame ourselves. We don't and couldn't blame those who are ignorant and mentally ill, who have no awareness and self-control over their behavior. There is no need forgiveness either. Neither do we need to let go anything. There is no hurt, or anger, or hatred towards the destructive behavior inflicted by those who are ignorant and mentally ill.
We can choose to move away from those who are under the influence of ignorance or mental illness, if we don't want to continuously dealing with the ignorance or mental illness of others, or we can choose to be there to look after them even though we have to deal with their ignorance or mental illness. There's neither right nor wrong either way.
If out of our own ignorance, we have expectation towards all or most of the human beings in the society, especially those whom we know, who are our family members or friends, may it be our parents and siblings, or partners/lovers/children/teachers/leaders, that they should behave and treat us in certain way and shouldn't behave or treat us in certain way, and we feel hurt and angry by their ignorant hurtful behavior inflicted onto us, either intentionally or unintentionally, and continuously to feel hurt and angry for many years onward, and out of those continuous hurt and anger, we ourselves would constantly behave in the way that hurt ourselves and others, while justifying that our suffering, unhappiness and hurtful behavior is all because of those undeserving past hurtful experiences inflicted by bad and wrongful people, then know that, it's our own responsibility for not having the correct understanding towards the modification of the mind, the mind perception of names and forms, actions and reactions, attachment and expectation, and more importantly, the cause of all kinds of hurtful behavior deriving from human beings that hurt oneself and others, either randomly or deliberately.
At the moment when we are experiencing some hurtful experiences, it's normal that we feel pain physically if there's some physical injury, and feel hurt and angry mentally or emotionally. But, after that moment, if we continuing to feel hurt and angry mentally and emotionally, it's due to our own ignorance of grasping or attachment. Even if there is some physical damages that cannot be undone, but what's the point of hurting ourselves further with mental and emotional pain that doesn't need to be there, but we keep feeding them out of ignorance and attachment?
The hurtful experiences might have caused some permanent or momentary physical damages, and might cause momentary mental and emotional disturbance for some time, but it doesn't and couldn't cause prolonged mental and emotional pain unless we ourselves 'grasp onto' and 'allow' those hurtful experiences to determine our life onward and affecting our physical, mental and emotional well being. It's the responsibility of those who inflicted hurtful experiences onto others for inflicting some physical injury or some mental/emotional disturbance in others as it happens, but afterwards, it's our own responsibility if we don't understand that all kinds of intentional or unintentional hurtful behavior are deriving from ignorance and mental illness, just like any destructive natural disaster deriving from the selfless nature that causes random damages to lives and properties and the surrounding environment itself, and we don't want to let go, or don't know how to let go, and continuing to feel hurt and angry for the damages that cannot be undone, and out of those continuous self-empowered reaction of hurt and anger towards the past hurtful experiences, we behave in the way that hurt ourselves and others, either randomly or deliberately, while blaming those ignorant mentally ill people who had inflicted hurtful experiences onto others, or blaming the natural disasters that generated random damages, for 'making' us to behave in the way that hurt ourselves and others for our entire life.
Dealing with undesirable hurtful experiences as it happens, is already energy exhausting. Out of grasping or attachment deriving from our own ignorance, we continue to be dealing with our own self-responsible and self-empowered reactions of continuous hurt and anger towards the past hurtful experiences, is even more energy exhausting. It's unnecessary.
The minds that have correct understanding about the modification of the mind, they don't and won't argue with or save hatred towards anyone, not to say, to argue and be angry with and save hatred towards those who are under the influence of ignorance and mental illness, who can't reason, who have no awareness and no self-control, who behave ignorantly and hurtfully, or blaming them for 'causing' all our failure and unhappiness in life, or blaming them for our own hurtful behavior inflicting onto ourselves and others out of our disappointment, hurt, anger and hatred towards who/what hurt us.
Those who are free from ignorance, who are free from hurts and anger, who understand the mind and who have truly forgiven or let go all kinds of past and present hurtful experiences, they have no aversion or problem towards remembering or talking about all the past hurtful experiences, and being undetermined or undisturbed by remembering and talking about any past unpleasant hurtful experiences, without self-blaming or blaming others for all kinds of hurtful experiences deriving from the ignorance and mental illness of others.
Those who think and believe that they have forgiven those who had hurt them in the past, but they still feel hurt and angry by remembering or talking about the past hurtful experiences even after many years, and they have aversion towards talking about it, as they continue to feel hurt and angry upon talking about it, it means that they haven't understand towards hurts and hurtful behavior, and they haven't really forgiven and let go.
It's everyone's freedom if they want to continue feeling hurt and angry, and 'allowing' past undesirable hurtful experiences to determine and affect their life in the present and for the rest of their life, and out of those reactions of 'hurt' and 'anger' towards remembering the past hurtful experiences, they are behaving in the way that hurt themselves and others, thinking and believing that "It's because of you, I am behaving like this. My life is ruined by you and your hurtful behavior. I am hurting myself and everyone else now because of your hurtful behavior and what you did to me in the past. It's all your fault." Or, they can choose to understand, and stop hating or blaming all those who are ignorant and mentally ill, who behave/behaved hurtfully due to ignorance and mental illness, either randomly or deliberately, not allowing the past hurtful experiences deriving from the ignorance and mental illness of some others to determine or affect their life in the present moment and the rest of their life, and be free.
Out of ignorance, many minds are not aware of themselves are under the influence of ignorance, where one has no correct understanding, awareness and self-control, and hence, one constantly feels hurt and angered by the ignorant hurtful behavior of some others, as well as constantly acting and reacting in the way that hurt oneself and others, out of disappointment, hurt, anger and hatred towards what they perceived as 'hurtful', 'undeserving', 'wrongful' and 'disappointing', either randomly or deliberately. Oneself is also suffering from ignorance and mental illness.
Mental illness is something very common that present in many human minds functioning under the influence of ignorance, including highly educated and knowledgeable people who have a 'normal' family, work and social life, but many people would see 'mental illness' as something 'bad' or a 'taboo' and would be offended to be referred as mentally ill. Only those who are aware of the presence of ignorance or mental illness in one's mind could help themselves to be free from ignorance or mental illness, to stop hurting themselves and others, before it's becoming uncontrollable.
Mental illness doesn't only limited to those who have lost the ability to look after themselves mentally and couldn't have a 'normal' family, work and social life, or need to depend on medications everyday. But anyone who can still live a 'normal' life, but are highly sensitive, attention seeking, defensive and offensive, who are being over-powered by the desire of craving and aversion, who would behave in the way that hurt themselves or others in different ways, out of ignorance, out of disappointment, hurt, anger and hatred, either wittingly or unwittingly, randomly or deliberately, being determined by other people's judgment, expectation, praise and criticism, action and reaction, to evaluate and determine themselves and their life, while blaming others' bad and wrongful behavior for causing them to have hurtful behavior, failure, disappointment, anger, regret and unhappiness in life, they are indeed suffering from certain degrees of mental illness. It's not a criticism. It's not a shaming. It's not an attack. It's to be aware of what is going on in our own minds, to do something about it before it's too late.
If we have truly understood, forgiven and let go, there's no continuous hurt or anger towards anyone or anything from the past or in the present moment. It's our own responsibility for our own action and reaction towards other people's action and reaction. No one can ruin our lives or take away our happiness, unless we allow it to ruin our lives and take away our happiness, even if there are some damages that cannot be undone. When we come to the end of our lives, we will realize that it really doesn't matter. But why suffering so much until the end of life to realize "It really doesn't matter"? Why not now while we are still living? My mother, my father and my brother had all passed away. Life was greatly difficult for them. When they passed away, it really didn't matter about who suffer less or who suffer more. I'm glad that my mother, my father and my brother smiled through the hardships and laughed after crying when life was too hard.
Inquire the truth of everything.