The yoga asana practice and the sense of pride or low self-esteem

The sense of pride or superiority and the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority is a huge obstacle on the path of yoga, where the mind is being determined by the presence and absence of impermanent qualities of names and forms, and it keeps chasing after the attainment, possession, and identification towards the presence and absence of certain qualities of names and forms that will give rise to the sense of pride or superiority, that needed to be maintained and empowered regularly, as most passionate egoistic minds are being conditioned to think and believe that one must attain and possess certain qualities that will give rise to the sense of pride or superiority, in order to be free from the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority.

The sense of pride/superiority and the sense of low self-esteem/inferiority are the two sides of a coin. They exist together.

The vanish of the sense of pride or superiority will lead to the vanish of low self-esteem or inferiority, simultaneously, and vice versa.

None need the presence of the sense of pride or superiority towards anything, to be existing, to be living, to be happy, to be peaceful, to be free, and to be constantly improving in this world. While the presence of the sense of pride or superiority a.k.a. the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority gives rise to many unnecessary 'troubles' in one's life, particularly in one's relationship and interaction with some others.

The mind that is being over-powered by the sense of pride will feel being offended or annoyed easily by certain teachings and practices of yoga that the mind dislikes and disagrees with, as well as upon coming in contact with certain affairs and interactions with some others that appeared to be unpleasant, disagreeable, and undesirable to the mind. It wants and expects the yoga practice or the yoga classes as well as all and everything to be in certain way that it prefers, desires, likes, and agrees with.

Certain kind of physically and mentally demanding intense yoga asana practice is existing and suitable for the mind that is being over-powered by the sense of pride or superiority a.k.a. the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority. 

The prideful ego will be hammered repeatedly by the more and more challenging yoga asana poses or sequences, that has no limit of higher and higher degree of difficulty and complexity, upon attaining certain degrees of enhancement and achievement in the yoga asana practice, where the mind will eventually be 'humbled' by such limitless practice. Such as, in the beginning one couldn't do even one push up, but then after some time having developed certain degrees of strength and stamina, the body can do 10 push ups consecutively, and it makes the mind feels good and confident or superior about itself, and then, the mind is highly motivated and expects the body to be able to do 20, 30, 40, or 50 consecutive push ups, then, 75, then 100, then 150 push ups, and so on. However, if the mind doesn't develop the basic correct understanding towards the teachings of yoga or the means of the yoga practice, it will only be focusing on continuously challenging the body and mind beyond its limitation until the body and mind suffers unnecessary injuries, regardless of how long and how much the mind has been practicing such yoga asana practice, or regardless of how fit, strong, and flexible is the physical body becoming, because there is never ending of higher and higher degree of difficulty and complexity in such yoga asana practice.

Being able to do 200 or more two arms, or one arm, or two fingers, or one finger consecutive push ups, or being able to perform many physically and mentally demanding complex yoga asana poses and/or sequences, and the mind is highly focus or attentive while performing all these physically and mentally demanding physical activities or yoga practices, is irrelevant to whether the mind is free from ignorance and the by-products and the consequences of ignorance, or not.

The mind that is being over-powered by the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority might feel being intimidated by certain teachings and practices of yoga that appeared to be challenging, unfamiliar, and unease to the body and mind, as well as it would feel being intimidated by and envy towards the physical and mental condition, ability, performance, progression, and achievement of some others that appeared to be 'better' or 'more superior' than oneself. However, at the same time, it's also because of the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority, such mind will be feeling good and confident or superior about itself upon the presence of certain enhancement in the physical and mental condition, ability, performance, and achievement, upon being able to perform certain yoga asana poses or sequences that it couldn't perform in the beginning, that it couldn't be able to perform comfortably and effortlessly. And hence, it is being motivated to keep practicing regularly in order to attain higher and higher enhancement, ability, performance, and achievement in the yoga asana practice, so that it can keep feeling good and confident or superior about itself.

That is not liberation at all.

Such minds would feel greatly disturbed, disappointed, and frustrated, if for some reasons, the persistent regular yoga asana practice is being disrupted by someone or something, or upon the absence of further improvement or higher ability and achievement, or upon the presence of declination in the physical and mental condition, ability, performance, and achievement in the yoga asana practice, either due to disruption in the regular practice, or illness, or injury, or decay, or weakness, or old age, or any unforeseen circumstances.

Upon the prideful ego is being hammered repeatedly by the challenging intense yoga asana practice that has no limit of higher and higher degree of difficulty and complexity until the body and mind ceased functioning and existing, the mind might either becoming more prideful for being able to do and achieve this or that by pushing the body and mind beyond its limitation as much as it can, regardless of whether there is the presence or absence of unnecessary injuries, or, it might be 'humbled' by such intense physical and mental demanding yoga asana practice, as well as be 'humbled' by the truth of impermanence, where the mind will start to think and acknowledge, "I am humbled by this intense yoga asana practice and the truth of impermanence of this physical body. I will now be humble and modest, as no matter how good I am or how good the physical condition can be, and no matter how much I can do and achieve with this enhanced physical and mental condition and ability, there will always be something else that I still can't do or achieve (yet), and this physical body is inevitably constantly changing and decaying. I don't need to push the body and mind beyond its limitation that hurt the body and mind in order for me to feel good and confident or superior." Note that this realization is not the end of the yoga practice, but it's the beginning of the path of self-inquiry and self-realization.

There is still the idea of 'I' or the ego, existing in the mind being humbled by the intense yoga asana practice that has no limit of higher and higher degree of difficulty and complexity, as well as acknowledging and identifying as, "I am humbled, and I am a humble and modest being, devoid of pride or superiority."

There is no 'I' existing to be 'humbled' and to be acknowledging and identifying as a 'humble and modest being, devoid of pride or superiority', upon self-realization towards the truth of selflessness. There is neither pride nor humbleness, neither superiority nor inferiority.

Similarly, the physical and mental demanding yoga asana practice might be rendering the mind focusing within, calm, and quiet, not being disturbed or affected by the external names and forms during those moments of concentration focusing within onto the breath, or the point of focus/attention/awareness (Drishti), or the position and movement, that gives rise to conditional peace that is impermanent, where the mind is acknowledging and identifying as, "I am focused within. I am not being disturbed or affected by the external names and forms. I am calmed and quiet. I am peaceful." But all these are conditional and impermanent.

If without self-inquiry, if without working on freeing the mind from the veil of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, and impurities, all those impermanent moments of concentration/focus/attentiveness and the state of calmness and quietness (a.k.a. conditional peace) don't necessarily mean that the mind is liberated from ignorance and suffering, as if without eradicating the idea of 'I', ignorance, and egoism from the modification of the mind, the mind will still be disturbed and affected by the mind perception of names and forms outside those moments of focusing within, calm and quiet state of the mind that is conditional and impermanent, and hence, it might still act and react in the way that could be harmful to oneself and/or others and the surrounding environment, either intentionally or unintentionally, under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, and the disturbed/agitated state of mind, or under the absence of correct understanding.

No doubt that by engaging in such physically and mentally demanding intense yoga asana practice, the senses or the organs of the senses are being withdraw from the world of names and forms, to allow the mind to be focusing within, and hence, the mind is rendered to be in a state of attentiveness, calmness, and quietness, being undisturbed by the external names and forms during those moments of withdrawing the senses, but that is also impermanent. It's not the end of the practice.

It's like if the senses are being withdraw turning inward focusing within, where the mind doesn't perceive, or doesn't see, or doesn't hear, or doesn't smell, or doesn't taste, or doesn't touch, or doesn't feel, or doesn't think about any names and forms that appeared to be either distracting or disturbing to the mind, and hence, the mind won't feel being disturbed, and will be in a state of calmness and quietness. That is not liberation.

Liberation is upon the mind isn't being determined, or distracted, or disturbed by the perceived names and forms being what they are, under the presence of correct understanding, upon the absence of egoistic attachment, identification, craving, aversion, comparison, judgment, and expectation. It's not about don't see, don't hear, don't smell, don't taste, don't touch, don't feel, and don't think about anything that appeared to be distracting or disturbing to the mind, so that the mind won't be distracted or disturbed. That's why the minds that don't work on the annihilation of the idea of 'I' and egoism might feel good, calm, and peaceful by moving the mind away from what it thinks and believes is distracting or disturbing, but then the mind wouldn't feel good, calm, or peaceful anymore once they go back to 'everyday life existence' as it is, as they are being distracted or disturbed by what they see, hear, smell, taste, touch, feel, and think. It's not liberation.

That is also why the teachings of yoga emphasized on continuously extending or expanding the duration of holding the different yoga asana for as long as possible, or holding the breath for as long as possible, or maintaining the concentration/focus/attentiveness, or the calm and quiet undisturbed state of the mind for as long as possible, that have no limit of duration, and that are conditional and impermanent, so that the mind will spend most of its existence, energy, attention, and effort onto the regular practice, and hence, will spend less energy, attention, and effort onto something else that might be harmful to oneself and/or others and the surrounding environment, but it doesn't necessary mean that the mind is free from ignorance or the by-products and the consequences of ignorance.

And that is totally okay as well, particularly upon the realization towards the truth of selflessness.

The important thing is that the ignorant passionate egoistic impure minds that are still under the influence of ignorance and its by-products, but were being rendered focus, calm and quiet through the intense regular physical and mental yoga practice, even if it's conditional and impermanent, that needs to be maintained regularly through engaging in certain action or practice, but at least, they are not generating or are generating less unnecessary ignorant harmful actions and reactions unto oneself, others, and the surrounding environment, within those impermanent moments of focusing onto performing the yoga practice, focusing within, attentiveness, calmness, and quietness (the momentary undisturbed state of mind that is conditional and impermanent), while still existing and functioning momentarily in this space of the universe that doesn't belong to anyone or anything.

Even so, the complete annihilation of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, or the attainment of self-realization via self-inquiry towards what is 'I', is still upmost important, if possible, where the mind is no longer being determined or influenced by the impermanent imperfect states of the mind or the impermanent imperfect effects of the yoga/concentration/meditation practice, being undisturbed or unaffected by the mind perception of names and forms beyond the impermanent states of the mind, regardless of performing or not performing certain yoga/concentration/meditation practice, in action or inaction, transcending the impermanent selfless existence and function of the mind, resting in unconditional peace unconditionally while the selfless impermanent body and mind is still functioning and existing.

There are different types of yoga students/practitioners/enthusiasts that are similar to the different types of wood. The dry wood can be ignited easily, and the slightly wet wood can be ignited after spending certain period of time to be undergoing the process of drying under the right conditions, while the highly wet wood can never be ignited if it stays wet, even after spending certain period of time undergoing the process of drying, but for some reasons, it keeps getting wet, or it isn't getting dried properly under the right conditions.

The minds that are being over-powered by the sense of pride or superiority/the sense of low self-esteem or inferiority are similar to the wet wood that keeps getting wet, or is not getting dried properly under the right conditions. The physically and mentally demanding type of intense yoga asana practice is most suitable for these minds, as it makes the mind feels good/confident/superior about itself whenever there is some improvement or achievement in the challenging yoga asana practice.

The minds that are not being over-powered by the sense of pride or low self-esteem, however, they are still under the influence of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, are similar to the slightly wet wood that needs to go through the process of getting dried for a certain period of time (the mind purification process).

The minds that are devoid of the sense of pride/superiority or the sense of low self-esteem/inferiority as well as some other impurities, but somehow, there is still the idea of 'I' existing in the mind due to the veil of ignorance, are similar to the dry wood that doesn't need to go through any kind of drying process at all. These minds don't need to be spending much energy and effort into any kind of yoga practice, not to say, in certain physically and mentally demanding type of intense yoga asana practice, in order to be performing self-inquiry, and attaining direct self-realization towards the truth of selflessness. As unconditional peace, compassion, self-inquiry, and self-realization, or the liberation from ignorance and suffering, is not being determined by the degrees of health and fitness, strength and flexibility, as well as the selfless impermanent effects, benefits, improvements, abilities, performances, and achievements of performing the yoga asana practice and/or any other forms of yoga practice regularly.

The minds that are devoid of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, they are resting in unconditional peace, as they are. Any kind of yoga/concentration/meditation practice or self-inquiry, is irrelevant or useless to them.

Out of ignorance and egoism, some minds might perceive this as a form of criticism, discrimination, comparison, or judgment. That's their freedom of thinking and understanding.

This is not a form of criticism, discrimination, comparison, or judgment at all, but merely about things or the teachings and practices being what they are. The highly wet wood can also be ignited upon getting dried effectively under the right conditions. Meanwhile, even the dry wood might somehow get wet under certain conditions, and hence, it needed to go through the process of drying (performing certain yoga/concentration/meditation practice).

If the mind still thinks, acknowledges, and identifies as, "I am humbled. I am now humble and devoid of pride," upon the realization towards the truth of impermanence, then know that this mind still need to keep practicing and keep inquiring towards the truth of selflessness, or 'I'lessness, or egolessness.

Inquire the truth of everything.

If self-esteem is so fragile and easily be offended and hurt, why still keep it?

Self-esteem is the shadow of the idea of 'I', or the ego.

It doesn't exist, upon the annihilation of the idea of 'I' from the selfless mind.

It cannot exist under the presence of wisdom, void of ignorance and egoism.

Since it is not something real that can exist independently and permanently, and it is so fragile, while giving so much unnecessary mental and emotional disturbance to oneself and maybe some others that oneself comes in contact with, then why does one still wants to keep it?

None need the presence of self-esteem to be living happily and healthily, and keep improving in life.

None need to be developing, maintaining, empowering and constantly protecting that super fragile easily be offended, hurt and broken self-esteem.

Let it go, and be free.

"How to let go the self-esteem?"

"Give me your self-esteem, I'll throw it away for you."

"Where can I find it and how can I give it you?"

"That's right. You can't find it anywhere, because you can't see it, touch it, grab it, or throw it away, because it doesn't really exist. But then how come you believe so strongly in that, and rely on that, to live life, to be what you are and what you want to do?"

Similarly, there are so many things that doesn't really exist, but the mind is still strongly believe in that, rely on that, and be determined by that, giving so much unnecessary trouble or suffering to oneself and everyone else that oneself comes in contact with, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Self-worth and self-esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem have no place in the mind that is void of the idea of 'I'. It doesn't exist in the mind that is void of ignorance and egoism.

It's only due to the presence of ignorance and egoism, the minds think and believe that all and everyone needs to develop and empower the sense of self-worth or self-esteem by developing, possessing and empowering certain agreeable qualities in oneself, and being somebody with certain qualities that all and everyone desire and admire, while constantly being protective towards guarding that fragile sense of self-worth and self-esteem to be maintaining at certain desirable level, to feel good, happy, positive, confident and meaningful towards oneself and one's life existence.

"I am beautiful!"

"I am strong!"

"I am positive!"

"I am powerful!"

"I am loved!"

"I deserve all love and happiness!"

"I can be anything and achieve everything that I desire!"

The minds that are under the influence of the idea of 'I', egoism and ignorance, they cannot understand that there is no need to have the existence of the sense of self-esteem or self-worth at all in anyone to live life, to perform actions, to carryout duty and responsibility, to be constantly improving, to be making a living, to have healthy relationship with all and everyone, to be happy and peaceful in this selfless impermanent life existence that is fleeting away.

In fact, the existence of the easily broken sense of self-worth and self-esteem in the mind that needed to be protected and maintained restlessly, is the main culprit that give rise to so much unnecessary mental and emotional problem in the mind that give rise to family, relationship and social problems in many people.

One doesn't need to be anything or everything.

One just needs to be free from the idea of 'I' and egoism and ignorance.

One will know what is unconditional peace and happiness or unbreakable selfless confidence that doesn't need to be protected and maintained.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Low self-esteem and Pride

Low self-esteem and pride is the two sides of a coin. Real confidence is there as it is when one is free from being determined by the flipping coin to be 'I' that is swaying in between low self-esteem upon failure and pride upon success.

Non-attachment and non-identification towards impermanent qualities of selfless names and forms is the basic yoga practice.

胜不骄 败不馁

胜不骄 败不馁 parenting method vs "Good job, well done, we are so proud of you and you should be so proud of yourself" kind of parenting method.

If more people understand 胜不骄 败不馁 rather than "I need to achieve something and be somebody that will make myself and other people feel proud of", then the psychologists in the world will be out of job.

Be strong and feel empowered?

Many people want to be 'strong' and feel 'empowered', as they think and believe that if they are 'weak' and 'vulnerable', they will be 'belittled' or 'intimidated' by those who are stronger than them, and if they are strong, they won't become a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's 'intimidation/belittling'.

In yoga, one doesn't need to be 'strong' or feel 'empowered' so that one doesn't become a 'target' or 'victim' of what most minds think and believe as a form of 'intimidation/belittling'.

One just needs to stop seeing/thinking/believing/identifying oneself as 'weak' and 'vulnerable' and one is naturally a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's 'intimidation/belittling' that needs to be toughen up and be empowered. One also needs to be free from self-pity as well as expectation or longing for receiving sympathy, empathy, protection, acknowledgement, support, attention, understanding, praise, liking, appreciation, encouragement, or empowerment from others.

It's stop thinking/believing that oneself or 'all human beings' should be treated in certain ways and shouldn't be treated in certain ways, or oneself deserves to be treated in certain ways while doesn't deserve to be treated in certain ways.

If the mind is not free from such thinking/belief/identification of  "I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people's intimidation/belittling." then even though other people are not being intimidating/belittling oneself at all, but one will always feel 'intimidated' or 'belittled' by other people's confidence, courage, credibility and straightforwardness, which the perception of being intimidated or belittled is not coming from others, but from within constantly feeling "I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people's intimidation/belittling."

Even if other people's action/speech/behavior is truly unpleasant/unreasonable with the intention to intimidate or belittling oneself, one won't be intimidated/belittled by that at all, if oneself is free from the thinking/belief/identification of "I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people's intimidation/belittling." and would allow other people to act/speak/behave the way as they are, but one is not determined or disturbed by it. Neither does one need to be 'protected' from it.

One would stop seeing/perceiving 'intimidation/belittling' here and there, but just being aware of people are either being confident, courageous, credible and straightforward as they are which is nothing 'intimidating/belittling', or people are acting/speaking/behaving in the way that reflects their state of mind under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, unhappiness, or suffering. Instead of feeling being a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's intimidation/belittling, one will be compassionate towards other people's unhappiness and suffering.

One will understand that one doesn't need to be 'strong' or feel 'empowered' at all, as the one who feels weak and vulnerable, who is highly sensitive, who is longing for attention and understanding from other people, who has expectation towards other people's treatments towards oneself has to be in certain ways and not to be in certain ways, who thinks oneself deserves certain treatments/reactions and doesn't deserve certain treatments/reactions, who constantly feels intimidated/offended/bullied/victimized/belittled/unattended/unheard/discouraged by other people, who wants to be sympathized, be protected, be heard, be understood, be noticed, be attended, be encouraged, be supported, be liked, be praised, be appreciated and be acknowledged, or who doesn't like to be unnoticed/unattended, unheard, disliked, disagreed with or criticized, is the ego.

Free the mind from this ego.

One will no longer identify oneself as a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's 'intimidation/belittling'. One stops seeing other people's action/speech/behavior that one's mind perceives/recognizes as unpleasant/unreasonable as a form of 'intimidation/belittling', while allowing other people to be free to act/speak/behave the way as they are, to express their unhappiness and suffering in the way that they are, that they know.

Those who understand this, they cannot be disturbed/hurt by other people's 'unpleasant/unreasonable' action/speech/behavior, but they can choose to move away in silence. It's not a weakness to move away in silence towards other people's 'unpleasant/unreasonable' action/speech/behavior, as these people are in suffering/unhappiness, and they don't know how to express their suffering/unhappiness in a less unpleasant/unreasonable way.

Be free.

The connection between low self-esteem and parenting

There's a huge connection between low self-esteem and the way of the parents bring up their children.

Low self-esteem is a form of mental illness. And there are quite many of the world population are suffering from some forms of mental illness, especially low self-esteem.

The main element that contributes to low self-esteem is the family brought up of how the parents bring up their children, where people are being influenced by the trends of the society on how they bring up their children, where the society emphasize on appearance, performance and achievements to be the important values of self-development individually and as part of a society.

People feel that they need to look and behave and carry themselves in certain ways so that they will be accepted and respected by the family and the society. Their perception towards themselves of what they think is who they are and their life existence is very much being defined by their appearance, performance and achievements that is determined by the expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment and criticism from themselves and other people towards them.

Proudness is the shadow that follows low self-esteem. If low self-esteem is absent, proudness doesn't exist.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem need to feel proud of oneself. This is mainly the responsibility of how their parents brought them up. The parents have expectation towards their children and whether they are aware or unaware, whether intentionally or unintentionally, they are influencing the thinking and belief of their children to become the person that they want them to be and the way that they like it to be, and the way that they think is good for their children. They try to motivate their children to be they way that they like them to be by giving them praise and compliment, and they try to demotivate their children to be the way that they don't like it to be by giving them criticism and punishment. There's always assessment and judgment coming from the parents towards their children for how they look and behave, how they perform physically and mentally, and what they achieve or can't achieve. They will be happy and be nice to their children when their children fulfill their expectation, that they behave and achieve something the way that they like it to be. They won't be happy or be nice to their children when their children didn't fulfill their expectation, that they didn't behave or achieve something the way that they like it to be.

The parents hope that their children are 'good' enough and be competent to be able to compete with other people in the society to excel among the others and to be able to fit in into the higher or better class of the society. They want their children to be successful to be respected by the society and live life meaningfully, according to their thinking and belief about what is success and live life meaningfully.

Many parents will say this to their children, whether they are aware or unaware of the consequences of their action and speech, and whether they really mean what they say, or not. But the children will take it seriously, even if the parents didn't really mean what they say.

"You need to have some sorts of expectation towards yourself to improve and be better. Set up your goal and expectation and strive to achieve your goal and expectation. Then you are considered successful and well-deserved lots of love and happiness and respect from everyone."

 "Good boy/girl! Well done! You make us so proud, mummy and daddy love you so much. Keep it up and be better and better."

"You are so bad and terrible. Can't make anyone proud of you. You don't deserve love from anyone. Mummy and daddy don't want you anymore. We are so disappointed in you."

"If you are like this, mummy and daddy don't want to love you. Look at your sister/brother/friend, they are so much better than you."

"If you achieve this result, we will give you this and bring you there. If you don't, we won't give you this or bring you there. Let you stay at home by yourself. We only bring your brother and sister."

"Say please and thank you, or else, I won't give you what you want."

"Come on, you can do better than this, and you will make everyone proud of you."

"Are you a good boy/girl, or not? This is not good enough, you can be better than this. If you are very good, then people will love you. If you are not good, then no one will love you."

This is how the parents nurture their children to grow up becoming people who suffer from all sorts of mental illness.

 

The parents never teach the children, "We love you unconditionally, as you are. Just do your best in whatever you want to do. It's good if you succeed. It's okay if you don't succeed. Do not let success and failure to determine you. You don't need cheers, motivation, encouragement, appreciation or acknowledgment from anyone to do your best in what you want to achieve. Do not let other people's agreeable or disagreeable reactions and their judgment of praise and criticism to determine you. It's needless to have pride and arrogance to be who you are, even if you are very good and successful. Accept and love yourself and everyone else unconditionally."

They always feel bad and dissatisfied with themselves towards the ability, performance and achievements of their physical body and their mind. They always feel that they need to compare and compete with other people, including their siblings, their spouse, their friends, their classmates, their colleagues, their neighbours, and anybody. There is an instinct to constantly judge their and other people's appearance, ability, performances and achievements to compare and compete with one another. They were being told by their parents to think and believe that they are always not good enough and will never be good enough, that they always have to be better than what they are now. They want to be loved by their parents and everyone, but they think they must first be good enough, and they always afraid of being not good enough for their parents and other people, even though they know they are good enough for themselves. They always longing for praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, especially the parents, siblings, friends and spouse. Or else, they will feel very dissatisfied, disappointed and depressed about themselves and their life.

It's so tiring to try to fulfill the expectation from their parents and the society and themselves, to be good enough that they can be proud of themselves in order to love themselves, and to please everyone expecting people will like and love and be nice to them, for their whole life, in the family, in love relationship, in friendships, in the school, in the workplace, or in the community. They are defined and determined by their actions and the result of their actions, and other people's reaction and treatment towards them to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not.

These children grow up without knowing how to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are, because their parents don't accept and love them as they are, and never teach the children to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are. There's always some form of expectation to determine the presence and degree of acceptance and love.

Those who are free from low self-esteem don't need to feel proud of anything. They don't feel bad or dissatisfied about themselves for being what they are, as they are. They know what they can achieve and what is their limitation. But they are not defined or determined by their achievement or limitation to be who they are. They don't need praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from anyone. They are not affected or disturbed or determined by other people's expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment or criticism towards them. They are not determined or affected by their actions and the result of their actions. They don't need to be good enough the way that how the world think and believe as good enough in order to love themselves. They love themselves as they are, and they love everyone as they are.

This is the essence of yoga.

There are yoga practitioners including some yoga teachers are not free from the suffering of some forms of mental illness, and it's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed about if the mind is not free. Everyone takes their own time to practice and realize the truth and be free.

Learn how to be alone and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored

Solitude or aloneness is being perceived by many people as something terrible or wrong that can happen to a human being. That is because people's minds are being conditioned to think and believe in that way. And there's nothing to be argued about as people's minds are thinking in certain ways and believing in certain beliefs. That's how people are being taught and brought up by their parents or the society for how people think and what to believe.

Many people never learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing, without clinging onto other people, to be surrounded by other people to be interacting or communicating with them physically and mentally. They will feel lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored, if there is a prolonged period of time that there are no people around them to be interacting with. They constantly looking/craving for physical and mental attention, love, interaction and companionship. A lot of time this is because the parents never teach or allow their children to learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored. The parents try to give maximum love and attention to their children and make sure their children always be busy with doing something and interacting with some other people, either mentally or physically, or both. They think this is good for them, this is the proper way of growth development and to show that they are good parents who love and care for their children very much.

That is also one of the important elements why there are people suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, boredom, unloved, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and so on. The children are being brought up in the way of building up intense attachment towards the love, attention, interaction and companionship from one or both of their parents or caretakers, but the parents or caretakers will not be always being by their side, and there will not be always somebody there to give them the attention, love and companionship that they like and want, that they cling onto and crave for. They never learn how to be alone by themselves and do nothing. Their minds are being used to interactive stimulation, receiving inputs and expressing outputs. These minds can't stand being silence without any inputs or outputs for a few moments. The sense of loneliness, left out, unloved, unworthiness, depression, meaninglessness and boredom kicks in as soon as they are being away from family and friends that are always being close by physically, to interacting with and doing things together all the time.

Just like for the children without a father or both parents, people might think that by showing them lots of love and attention will help them and benefit them. People like to say, "People need love." and they think that it means giving or showing love (affection) to other people who need love. But what people really need is realizing the unconditional unlimited love in themselves, without expecting love (affection) through receiving love (affection) from others. If people don't know how to teach or allow the children to be independent, about how to realize love in themselves and how to be alone by themselves, that they can be happy and live life meaningfully as they are, even without one or both of the parents being by their side physically or mentally giving them personal love, attention and companionship, then when the children think they don't get enough of love, attention and companionship from the parents who are not being there for them all the time, these children will try to cling onto other people looking for attention, love, interaction and companionship.

It's okay that one doesn't have one or both of the parents being with them or to be there for them. Even if there is one or both of the parents being there for them, it doesn't mean that the parents have to or will be there all the time, that there are times that one or both of the parents might not be there for them temporary or permanently. And it's okay.

It's okay that one doesn't have anyone or friends and family members being with them or to be there for them. One can love oneself, whether doing something or doing nothing by oneself, and be happy and live life meaningfully being alone by oneself without anyone beside them to interact or communicate with physically or mentally. One has no craving for love, attention, interaction and companionship from other beings. One is peaceful as it is, being free from attachment and craving.

But all these children grow up without learning or knowing know how to be alone by themselves, and do nothing, without feeling lonely, left out, unloved, unworthy or bored. They suffer from loneliness, low self-esteem, unworthiness, boredom, depression and meaninglessness, if they think there's no one there being with them or to be there for them, to interact with them, to give them love, attention, interaction and companionship.

Sooner or later, everyone will have to deal with solitude or aloneness at some stage in life whether we like it, or not. It is a natural process of life. It's something wonderful if one knows the truth of aloneness or solitude. Only those who know this, will know.

Those who don't know, they have strong aversion or fear towards solitude, afraid of being alone by themselves, and they will be suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, unworthiness, boredom, meaninglessness and depression if there's a gap in life where there's nobody being with them to be interacting or communicating with, physically or mentally. They think and believe that it's because they are not good enough, that's why they are being left out, unloved and being alone by themselves, that they are so pitiful without anyone, friends or family being with them, to give them love, attention and companionship, physically or mentally. They always feel that they are not good enough, that they need to be in competition with other people especially their brothers and sisters to get the maximum love and attention from their parents. They need other people to show thankfulness and appreciation for what they have done for others to feel that they and their effort of doing something are being appreciated and acknowledged. They always try very hard to please everybody to make everyone love them and acknowledge them that they are good enough and well-deserved with love and happiness. They always do things trying to make other people feel proud of them. But, they don't realize that they don't have to please anyone to make other people love them, or be proud of them. People who love them will love them as they are. Those who don't love them will not love them even if they try to please these people. And many people will take advantage of the people who want or need to be loved by other people.

Most parents or caretakers don't realize that it's how they bring up the children that had caused the children to think and believe like that, to be suffering from love seeking, attention seeking, lack of something, missing something, or craving for something, and suffering from loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, boredom, meaninglessness, and so on, through out their entire life, unless/until they realize the truth that they don't have to think and believe and suffer in such way. When they have their own family, that is also how they are going to bring up their children the way that how their parents brought them up, and most probably, their children will also end up like them, unless the children start to think for themselves and realize what is unconditional love from within oneself towards oneself.

People also perceive the state of fullness or non-separateness, where one doesn't need any other beings to be there to show love, attention and companionship, to be interacting with, to feel loved and meaningful, as something horrible or wrong. They think that these people who don't need other beings being with them to be there for them, without feeling lonely, unloved, unworthy, meaningless, left out or bored, are impossible or insane or hard, and that these people must be so lonely and unhappy and live life meaninglessly for not needing anybody being there for them, where in truth, these people are peaceful, happy and live life meaningfully without being depending on other beings' love, attention, interaction, acknowledgement and companionship to life live meaningfully, or to feel loved and worthy, or to be free from loneliness and boredom.

Those who think and believe that they need to have other people's love, attention, interaction, acknowledgement and companionship to feel loved and worthy and meaningful, to not feel lonely and bored, are not free at all. But people don't see that. And that's their freedom of thinking and believe.

Doesn't need anyone to be there for one to be happy and live life meaningfully, doesn't mean that one is rejecting love and companionship from others, but, one will enjoy and appreciate all the love and companionship from others that are available in the present moment, without craving or clinging onto the love and companionship from others to be who they are, to feel happy and meaningful, or not. And when there is absence of love and companionship from others, one is still peaceful and happy and live life meaningfully as one is.

If people still can't understand this, no one can make them understand. One has to realize this by oneself through direct experience and self-realization. Even some yoga and meditation teachers also don't understand this. They teach about in order to counter loneliness, boredom, meaninglessness, depression, low self-esteem, or unworthiness, people need to have more friends to interact with, to play with, to communicate with, to share with. And it's okay.

Be free.

Low self-esteem and the state of being free from pride are two different things

The minds are being conditioned to think and believe in a particular way to categorize everything into good and bad, right and wrong, meaningfulness and meaninglessness, positiveness and negativeness, happiness and unhappiness, appropriateness and disappropriateness, and so on. And once the mind is being conditioned to think and believe in a particular way, it's not easy to allow the mind to be opened to see things as they are, because the mind naturally and autonomously reasons and analyzes everything based on that particular thinking and belief.

People growing up being fed with many information coming from their parents, care taker, friends, religious teachers, society, medias, politicians, or leaders, and went to school/college/university to learn about many things/subjects and gathering all kind of information, and all these information become part of the thinking and belief to reason and analyze everything. But how many would reason the truth of all these information that is influencing them to reason and analyze everything?

Practicing yoga is to learn to inquire the truth of everything, without the influence of the thinking and belief in the mind, but just to see things as they are. Most of the time, people are just being different from one another, and there's nothing wrong or sick for being different from one another. But, those who attached strongly onto their own way of thinking, belief and behavior, will perceive other people who think, believe and behave differently from them as something wrong or sick.

Low self-esteem is being categorized as something not good, bad, or negative in the worldly thinking and belief. It is being treated as a form of physical/mental/emotional weakness that they think it would make a person inferior than other people. But, low self-esteem is just another by-product of ignorance and egoism, just like pride, arrogance, unhappiness, anger, hatred, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurt, animosity, offensiveness, defensiveness, violence, grief, sorrow, agitation, meaninglessness, worthlessness, loneliness, fear and worry, and so on.

If the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, low self-esteem as well as all the other form of impurities won't exist in the mind.

Worldly minded people think that in order to counter or conquest low self-esteem, they need to develop confidence and pride through accumulating knowledge, skills, achievements, friendships and widening the social interaction network. But they don't see where does low self-esteem come from.

The cause of low self-esteem is not because of lack of knowledge, skill, achievement and friendship, or having limited social interaction network. It is the worldly thinking and belief that is based on egoism about how a person should think, belief and behave in the society that categorize people into 'normal', 'rightful', 'positive' and 'healthy', or 'abnormal', 'wrongful', 'negative' and 'unhealthy', is the real cause of why people are suffering from low self-esteem when they try to comply to all the standards of the worldly thinking and belief that is based on egoism about what is a good and meaningful life that people would feel proud of, but somehow they think they are not good enough when they are unable to achieve the standard of a good and meaningful life that everyone could feel proud of. They were being told to believe that they are not good enough and their life is meaningless, if they don't achieve something that they can feel proud of themselves, or if they are unable to make other people to feel proud of them.

Even many of the yoga practitioners and teachers in the world are not free from being influenced by the worldly thinking and belief that is based on egoism.
This is a common and 'normal' and 'right' thing to say in everyday life,
"I am so proud of myself."
"I am so proud of you."
"You must be so proud of yourself."
"My parents are very proud of me."
"You should be so proud of yourself. How is it possible that you are not proud of yourself?" and so on.

If people didn't make a statement about "I am so proud of you," after other people have achieved or done something that they believe as 'good' or 'great', they will be considered as lack of empathy, unappreciative, stingy to say nice things, or being 'abnormal'. And people would feel disappointed or upset if other people didn't acknowledge their hard-work and achievement or didn't say anything about being proud of them, and it makes them think that maybe they are not good enough to be proud of themselves, or they are not good enough to make other people to be proud of them.

And, in order to help people who they think is suffering from low self-esteem, they think that they should constantly telling people, "I am so proud of you," thinking that this will help people to be free from low self-esteem, so that people won't feel bad about themselves, and will feel good about themselves. What can really help people who are suffering from low self-esteem is allowing them to understand that they are fine as they are, that they can just do their best without the intention of doing something to attain acknowledgement or appreciation from others and to feel proud of themselves, and they don't need to make other people to feel proud of them, or they don't need to keep hearing other people to tell them, "I am so proud of you," to be happy or to live a meaningful life.

It's like some people always looking for love and affection or attention from other people. If they don't hear from other people, "I love you," or "I miss you," for some time, they will feel unloved, left out and miserable. And people think that by constantly showing and telling people, "I love you," will help people to be free from unhappiness or suffering from the sense of being unloved or low self-esteem, but it doesn't, because it only empowers the attachment and the craving for receiving love and acknowledgement from others to feel being loved and meaningful. What can really help people to be free from the unhappiness or suffering from the sense of being unloved or lack of love, is allowing them to understand that they don't need love or appreciation from others at all, through realizing unconditional love in themselves, by freeing the mind from ignorance and egoism.

It's the worldly thinking and belief that is why people create unnecessary unhappiness or suffering in themselves, drowning in the desire of craving, and ceaselessly longing for receiving love and acknowledgement from other beings (humans or animals), by thinking that all beings should give and receive love and acknowledgement from one another, to feel being loved and meaningful.

Those who are free, They are happy and peaceful as they are. They appreciate all the existing love and acknowledgement from everyone as it is, but they don't need to depend on receiving love or acknowledgement from others to be happy, to feel meaningful, or to be who they are. Even if they have no parents, siblings, children, friends, or anyone being there, to show love and care for them or to acknowledged them, but they are still peaceful as they are.

Worldly minded people would relate or refer the people or children who are being free from pride, who don't have the need/desire/craving to feel proud about anything as a form of suffering from low self-esteem, lack of self-respect/self-love, or the sense of worthlessness. They believe that 'normal' and 'mentally healthy' people must have some sort of pride about themselves or towards something that is related to them in life, such like being proud of their family background, culture, religion, country, nationality, parents, siblings, children, friends, or things that they like to do or things that they can do, and etc.

Or else, they suggest that people must be suffering from low self-esteem, lack of self-respect/self-love, or worthlessness, and it's 'abnormal' and 'mentally unhealthy' for someone who doesn't have the need/desire/craving to feel proud of anything, who response to the question of "Do you feel proud of yourself? You must be so proud of yourself. Your parents and friends must be so proud of you for your achievement." with the answer of "No. I never feel proud of myself or anything. Why do I need to feel proud of myself? I don't need anyone to be proud of me either. People can be proud of me if they want. It's their freedom. It doesn't matter to me whether people are proud of me, or not. I am what I am. I'm not interested to be what other people want me to be, so that they will be proud of me."

There are children or people whom the worldly minded think that they are suffering from low self-esteem (which they are not), when they don't need to feel proud about themselves even when they had achieved great results in school or success in career, as the worldly minded think and believe that every normal and mentally healthy person should feel proud of themselves or feel proud of other people around them for being 'good' and for achieving 'great results' or 'success', that it's something wrong in their brain or mind for not feeling proud for something that the worldly minded think is good and great. But actually, people are peaceful, content, comfortable and happy as they are, when they are free from pride or the need/desire/craving to feel proud and meaningful about anything towards oneself and others, which the worldly minded have no understanding at all due to ignorance. These people or children are aware of themselves of what they achieve or don't achieve, but there's no identification or attachment towards the quality of names and forms that they possessed or don't possessed, or what they can do or cannot do, and there's no need to depend on anything to feel proud, in order to feel good or meaningful about themselves or about life.

The needlessness to feel proud of anything and the absence of meaninglessness due to the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, and the existence of the sense of low self-esteem or meaninglessness because people are being informed by the worldly minded to believe that they shouldn't be contented with being what they are, that they always have to be better than what they are, that they have to keep achieving higher standard, performance and success to feel good and meaningful, is two completely different things. And, many people become mentally disturbed, when they start to believe what they have been told by other worldly minded people that it's 'abnormal' and 'wrong', that they are mentally sick for being different from other 'normal' people.

There are children or people who don't feel the need of friends or companionship from others, who are happy being alone by themselves, or they feel fine and happy without mixing or playing or interacting with other children or people, and there's nothing wrong with that, and it's not a form of mental illness to be alone, to feel needless to have friends, or it's needless to be mixing and playing and interacting with other children or people in order to be happy, to feel meaningful, to not feel lonely, or to be 'normal'.

The children or people who are fine and happy being alone by oneself and don't need to feel proud or meaningful about anything, they are not mentally sick or in suffering at all. They are happy and peaceful as they are. But worldly minded people don't think so. They think that these people or children must be so lonely and miserable and meaningless without any friends to play with or interacting with, because that is what was being planted in their mind, "If you don't have friends to play with or interacting with, you must be lonely and miserable and meaningless."

There are people who don't need to feel sad or grief or mourn for the dead, and being indifferent towards birth and death, it's not that they are lack of empathy or mentally sick, but they have realized the truth of life existence and have gone beyond 'normal' worldly thinking and belief about birth and death, where 'normal' people would cheer and celebrate for the newborns as a form of joyfulness and blessing, and they would grieve and mourn for the dead as a form of painful sorrow and suffering.

Meanwhile, 'normal' worldly minded people would feel so unhappy, meaningless, lonely and miserable when they are alone by themselves, when they are not being with other people, thinking that they are being left out and unloved, that no one notice or appreciate them, that no one is there to love and care for them, to be friend with them, or to play and interact with them, constantly craving for and clinging onto 'friends' and 'social interactions' as well as praise and acknowledgement, in order to feel happy, meaningful, loved and 'normal', and there is aversion, fear and sadness towards solitude, illness, old age, death and separation from the people and things that they love, constantly missing the people and things that they loved when they are out of sight or unavailable. But for them, this is 'normal' and 'mentally healthy'.

No wonder the saints and sages in the past declared that "The awakened ones are awake while the others are asleep," and "The unawakened ones take suffering as bliss and take bliss as suffering." There's no debate can change another person's mind. It has to come from everyone's direct self-realization to realize what is going on in their minds.

Everyone is free for how they want to feel and what they want to do with their body and mind. Allowing everyone to feel what they feel and be different from one another, even if people believe that being prideful and full of passionate desires is 'normal' and 'healthy', while thinking that it's 'abnormal' and 'unhealthy' for some other people who are free from pride and passionate desires.

Non-attachment and non-identification with qualities of names and forms is freedom...

Some people have been attending yoga (asana) classes for some time, but they said they never came across the yoga teachings about non-attachment and non-identification. They never heard about the teaching of yoga (Vedanta) about "I am not the body, the body is not me. I am not the mind, the mind is not me."

One thing that they usually hear from most yoga teachers is about positive thinking, to think and feel positively. They said even they have been practicing "positive thinking" as taught by most yoga teachers, and they have became more "positive" and cheerful than before, some even took up healthy vegetarian diet, but still it didn't help them to be free from low self-esteem, restlessness and unhappiness. It didn't really free their mind from reactions towards perception of names and forms, and continue to experience unhappiness or suffering because they are disturbed and affected by what their mind perceives through the senses, and be angry, frustrated and unhappy whenever they experience something that their mind perceives as something negative, bad and sad, or when they come in contact with qualities of names and forms that their mind doesn't like or doesn't agree with.

This is because they haven't practiced non-attachment towards qualities of names and forms, and non-identification with their body and mind. They haven't developed awareness to stand as a witness towards the activities in the mind, nor have awareness about the play of the ego yet.

They are still identifying with the impermanent body and mind as who they are, and have attachment towards the qualities of names and forms to influence and determine whether they will be happy and confident, or not. They are still influenced very much by the craving and aversion towards what the mind perceives and labels as good and bad, positive and negative, happiness and suffering. They attached strongly to the personal thinking and beliefs in their mind, and have strong disagreement and dislikes towards something that is different from what they think and believe what things are. And thus their mind constantly reacts towards the qualities of names and forms that they like and dislike, agree and disagree with. Their mind is disturbed and influenced by impurities like irritation, frustration, anger, hatred, jealousy, pride, dissatisfaction, disappointment, animosity, self-protection, fear and worry that derived from the constant reactions of craving and aversion in their mind.

Non-attachment towards the qualities of names and forms is actually freeing our mind from being disturbed, or affected, or influenced, or determined by the impermanent qualities of names and forms that our mind perceives through the senses, as the mind is able to see the truth of all these names and forms as they are, or realizing what is non-duality, that everything is just being what they are, they are neither something good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither happiness nor suffering. There is no more attachment or craving and aversion towards what our mind used to believe as good and bad, positive and negative, happiness and suffering.

It is the ego that reacts in accordance to the craving and aversion towards what it likes and dislikes, agrees and disagrees with. When the ego doesn't come in contact with what it likes and wants, or when it comes in contact with what it doesn't like and doesn't want, the ego will be dissatisfied, frustrated and unhappy. And there is restlessness and tension that derived from constant fear about losing something that it likes, or fear of coming in contact with something that it doesn't like and doesn't want. And hence, there is no peace.

By letting go craving and aversion, we are letting go of the ego and freeing the mind from egoism.

Non-identification is stop identifying with the impermanent body and mind as "I", nor being determined by the impermanent pleasant and unpleasant experiences through the function of the body and mind perception. As there is no "I", it's just the body and mind being here functioning, perceiving and reacting towards names and forms. And thus, there is no "I" being here to be identifying nor associating with all these impermanent perception of names and forms, to experience happiness or suffering.

And this is freedom.

Om shanti.

Being strong vs real strength...

We think that we need to be strong, hard and aggressive to protect ourselves from being bullied or hurt by other people... But if we are really that strong, why do we still need to "be" strong, hard and aggressive to "protect" ourselves?

That means we are not really strong. We "pretend" to be strong. This is due to low self-esteem, not trusting ourselves, and need to depend on some external "protection shields" of being hard and aggressive to "protect" or to defend ourselves from potential bullies and hurts. Because of this sense of defensiveness, we will become offensive even before other people try to "bully" or "offend" us. In fact, nobody has the intention to bully us, it is our own fear and projection, thinking that "All these people are going to bully me, and so, I have to defend myself, I need to be strong and aggressive, so that I attack them first before anyone attacks me..."

Those who are truly strong, they don't need to show that they are strong by being hard, aggressive, offensive or defensive. Instead their whole being projects gentleness and calmness.

Real strength comes from compassion and wisdom. It is being compassionate and wise. It is being free from doubts, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, pride, arrogance, low self-esteem, aggressiveness, violence, offensiveness, defensiveness, agitation, depression, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and attachment towards qualities of names and forms... There is no fear towards other people's harshness, aggressiveness, bully or "potential" bully, offensiveness, arrogance, jealousy, criticism, condemn, slander, unfriendliness, and etc...

We are able to tolerate, adjust, adapt, accommodate, withstand, forbear and accept...

We are able to accept the reality of the present moment now as it is, not necessarily the way that we like it to be. We are able to adjust, adapt, accommodate, withstand and forbear any uncomfortable conditions and situations that we don't like or disagree with...

We are able to perform actions without being influenced by any impurities in the mind. We are able to perform actions to help everyone including ourselves to evolve, to be peaceful and happy...

We are able to perform all our duties and responsibilities without attachment, without judgment, comparison and expectation. We perform actions and renounce from the result or the fruit of actions...

This is real strength.

We don't need to be hard, aggressive, offensive or defensive to "protect" ourselves from getting bully or hurt from anyone...

It doesn't matter what are the behaviors, actions and reactions of other people towards us, it is our own ego doesn't like or disagree with their behaviors, actions and reactions, and feels irritated and unhappy about them. It is our ego that feels that we are weak, but we don't like to be weak and don't want other people to think that we are weak, and so we "pretend" to be strong, by being hard and aggressive to defend ourselves from any potential "attacks" from anyone...

No one can bully or hurt us but our own mind creations of fear. It is our own mind being ignorant and influenced by impurities... It is absence of compassion and wisdom.

Whenever we feel irritated or getting angry about other people's offensive behavior, it is ourselves being defensive... We feel offended by other people's actions and speech... It is coming from being low self-esteem and feel being intimidated by other people's confidence all the time. This intimidation is not coming from other people. No one can intimidate us unless we allow that to happen by being low self-esteem. It is our own low self-esteem thinking that other people are trying to press us down, or bully us, or hurt us... Even if other people have the intention to intimidate us, but it won't affect us if we are truly confident...

If  we don't like other people to contradict with our actions and speech, we like and want other people to agree and support our actions and speech, as we will feel irritated, frustrated and unhappy when other people don't like and disagree with us or our actions and speech, but out of our own offensiveness and defensiveness, we constantly contradict with other people's actions and speech, criticize and attack other people with harsh speech and aggressiveness, then how can we expect other people not to be offended by our own offensiveness and aggressiveness? And when other people feel offended by our own offensiveness and aggressiveness, and react by being aggressive towards us, and we criticize them as "aggressive people" who bully and hurt us, and blame them for causing us painful sorrow and unhappiness?

When we start to attack other people with aggressiveness to show that "I am stronger than you, and I won't let you bully or hurt me...", then make sure that we will take full responsibility towards the consequences of our aggressive behavior... Don't blame other people for being aggressive towards us.

And if there's somebody is being aggressive towards us even though we didn't offend anyone intentionally, we can choose to be gentle and remain calm, and move away... Allow this person to express what he or she wants to express, and let him or her be irritated and unhappy for being aggressive. We don't have to disturb our own peace and happiness by throwing back aggressiveness towards him or her... Or we can choose to feel offended and start to be aggressive and offensive to defend ourselves and be irritated, frustrated and unhappy.

Om shanti.

Low Self-esteem, Pride & Arrogance - How to attain true confidence

Pride and arrogance need to attach towards certain things to express itself, to be existing. Such like the family name and origin, the wealth and health, the fame, the knowledge, the educational level, the title, the physical body, the appearance, the thinking, the talents and abilities, the culture, the religion, the social status, the achievement, the success, the possession, the relationships, the actions and the fruit of actions, and etc… This is because we (the thinking mind functioning under the veil of ignorance and egoism) are not confident about ourselves, and the ego needs something other than what we are, to give us the sense of self-worth and to get rid of the void or the sense of emptiness from within.

It is only when we are not truly confident about ourselves, we will have pride and arrogance when we have achieved some accomplishment to feel good about ourselves and thinking that we are better than other people, and there's an urge to show off and prove to other people that we are somebody with such and such accomplishment or superiority.

If we are truly confident about ourselves, there is no need for us to show off to other people about anything and we don’t need to be prideful and arrogant about anything at all. Neither there is a need to feel more superior than anyone else.

Pride and arrogance is a play of the ego. But if we (the thinking mind) do not know how to be free from the ego, this mind will be over-powered by the ego without being aware of it.
 

It's also because there's a non-existence individual identification existing in the mind identifying with the qualities of names and forms that are subject to selfless impermanent changes to be 'I', that's why the sense of void or emptiness is always there, because this identification of 'I' is merely an idea deriving from ignorance and egoism of attachment towards the selfless impermanent names and forms, where it doesn't have a real solid permanent independent existence.

 

If the ego is absent, if attachment and identification doesn't exist in the mind, there won't be egoistic reaction towards the sense of insecurity/uncertainty arising from egoistic attachment and identification, and it's needless to be proud and arrogant about oneself and towards any kind of accomplishment achieved through the body and mind.
 

The sense of emptiness and insecurity (uncertainty) that arise due to attachment and identification towards names and forms that are subject to inevitable selfless impermanent changes disappears upon the realization of selflessness (the annihilation of the ego and egoism), as the thinking mind is void of attachment or identification. It won’t need pride and arrogance to prevent itself from humiliation or to avoid itself from being looked down or humiliated by somebody. “Humiliation” doesn't exist upon the realization of selflessness, as there's no attachment or identification towards any names and forms. 

 

When there's no attachment or identification in the thinking mind towards any names and forms that is selfless and impermanent, what is “pride and arrogance”? What is “low self-esteem and humiliation”? When 'I' doesn't exist, who is being prideful and arrogant? Who is being low self-esteem and humiliated?

People who suffer low self-esteem need other people’s acknowledgment, agreement, recognition, compliment and appreciation to feel good about themselves. They need other people to show them love, support and give positive feedback about themselves, to have the sense of self-worth, to feel good and meaningful. This is nothing wrong. But when they get some negative feedback about them, while not getting any attention and support, acknowledgment, agreement, recognition, compliment or appreciation that they expect to be receiving, they will become depressed and feel very low confidence or low self-worth. Because all these things are impermanent. They are some qualities of names and forms that are constantly changing. If we (the thinking mind) depend on all these things to have confidence about ourselves, we will end up being disappointed and unhappy.

The only thing that gives us true confidence is by knowing our true nature (selflessness), and realizing unconditional love, peace, compassion and wisdom from within ourselves upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism. This true confidence is not being influenced or affected by anything in the world, in our life, or the condition of our body and the state of our mind. It is free from duality or the qualities of good and bad, positive and negative, or meaningfulness and meaninglessness.

People who are low confident will always feel intimidated by people who are naturally confident as they are, even though other people didn’t have any intention to intimidate them. And they are always very sensitive towards how other people think of them and whether other people like them, accept them or agree with them, or not. Like wise, people who are truly confident naturally or unconditionally, won’t feel intimidated by anyone who are full of confidence, and they are not being determined by how other people think about them and treat them.

Most people think that confidence comes from their achievements or success in life. Some people think that it comes from the ability of their physical body to be able to do this and that. Some think that it comes from good relationship with other people. Some think that it comes from the beautiful appearance and presentation. Some think that it comes from being knowledgeable. Some think that it comes from possessing a lot of wealth, having a higher social status, having good health and a super fit body. Some think that it comes from being able to do whatever they want to do or go wherever they want to go. Some think that it comes from having control over their destiny or their life. Some think that it comes from gaining respect and trustworthy from other people especially from the people that they know and like. Some think that confidence comes from all the above being mentioned and not mentioned.

But somehow, even though people managed to get all these things/qualities in life as they wish, they will realize that actually all these things can only give them momentary satisfaction, confidence and good feeling about themselves, but it's not true and lasting satisfaction or confidence. When all these things changed and disappeared, they (the thinking mind) will be in a state of dissatisfaction and disappointment, as well as low confidence or low self-worth.

Some people have lots of money, beautiful appearance, good health, freedom, great charisma and personality, fantastic successful career, and are able to get whatever they want, or do whatever they like and go wherever they want to go, but they are still suffering from low self-esteem, and are not happy. They still have lots of dissatisfaction, disappointment, doubts, insecurity, fear and worry. There are still lots of judgment, criticism, comparison, competition and expectation towards themselves and the others. They are still being disturbed by anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, anxiety, irritation, frustration, craving and aversion, and being ignorant towards the truth of things.

And so, some people start to look for true confidence which can only be found from within, that is selfless, nameless, formless, attributeless, changeless, beginningless and endless. It is beyond the condition of the body, the state of the mind, the life existence and the world. It is beyond the ability of the body and mind to do this and that. It is beyond the happy and unhappy feelings, good and bad feelings. It is not being determined or affected by impermanence. It is fearless and worry-less. It is the realization of the true nature of all and everything, which is, selflessness. Knowing we are unconditional and unlimited love, peace, compassion and wisdom. Knowing we are full, whole and content.

True confidence has got nothing to do with whatever the mind perceives through the senses, nor has it got anything to do with anything in the perceived world of names and forms. It has got nothing to do with the accumulated knowledge and learning that we attained in this world. Even people who had study a lot and know a lot can still be suffering from low self-esteem.

True confidence comes from when we (the thinking mind) know how to accept ourselves as we are, in this present moment now, for where we are, what we are, and how we are. It is when we know how to love ourselves and love all, unconditionally, as it is. We don’t need to prove to anyone about who we are or how we are. We are what we are.

It is only when we cannot accept ourselves as we are, and trying to be somebody and someone whom we are not in the present moment now, that disconnect ourselves (the thinking mind) with the true confidence that is already there, and always there, unchanging, never increase or decrease.

There is a big difference between “not accepting ourselves as we are and want to change ourselves to become what we want us to be” and “accepting ourselves as we are, but continue to evolve or to improve”. One is full of aversion, craving and discontentment, while the other one is full of contentment and confidence.

 

Under the presence of true confidence, 'humility' or 'humbleness' also doesn't exist in the mind. There's no 'I' being there to be identifying as "I am humble." There's neither humility and humbleness nor pride and arrogance. The mind that thinks and believes and identifies itself as "I am humble", or "I am not prideful and arrogant" is still functioning under the veil of ignorance and egoism. It's not free.

With true confidence, we can be in the world enjoying everything that we do and don’t do, can do and cannot do, but not being disturbed or affected by the impermanent world and the fruit of actions.

 

When the mind is free from attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, when the mind allows all kind of impermanent changes being what they are, as they are, without trying to control everything to be or not to be in certain way, when the mind is free from fear and worry, when the mind doesn't need to develop high confidence or be confident at all, true confidence is there as it is.

May we all be free from pride and arrogance, and be truly confident by attaining or realizing the highest knowledge of the selfless Self.