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Tuesday, September 19, 2023

Why mental and emotional independence is highly important for mental health

There's nothing wrong with many people would think and believe that mental and emotional dependence in human beings is a genetic inheritance as well as part of the basic instinct that comes along in all human beings since the beginning of conception in the mother's womb. Many people would think and believe that it is abnormal and unhealthy, or even madness, for anyone to be mentally and emotionally independent. That's their freedom of thinking and understanding.

Mental and emotional dependence is conditional. Something that is conditional, it can be modified and changed, or be reversed, to become mental and emotional independence.

We all might have come into the world of human beings with the genetic inheritance and basic instinct of certain degrees of mental and emotional dependence, and it's vary in different people even since very young age, but it is also very obvious that the growing up environment and condition, of how the parents, care takers, and everyone and everything that the child come in contact with, are deeply influencing or conditioning the selfless perceptive cognitive intellectual thinking emotional mind to be in certain way, to think, believe, judge, understand, feel, desire, behave, act and react in certain way, where most people are growing up being encouraged, trained and empowered to be having intense mental and emotional dependence towards the parents, care takers, siblings, relatives, friends, leaders, teachers, employers, 'superior entity', belief and values, as well as towards the surrounding community under different identities, of particular ethnicity, culture, spirituality, religion, nationality, association, organization, or even, political party.

Mental and emotional dependency is a very common values and practice among the many different passionate egoistic thinking and belief in the world.

Out of survival instinct, attachment, identification, fear and possessiveness, many minds think and believe that mental and emotional independence is something terribly bad and wrong, and hence, they themselves dislike and disagree with the idea of developing mental and emotional independence, and they don't like their children, their family and friends, or the members of their specific community identity, to be mentally and emotionally independent, as for them, it means that, they can no longer have the 'power' to be influencing or controlling all and everyone to be and not to be in certain way that they desire it to be, the way that they think and believe how it should be, that would be benefiting them and their certain selfish desire in certain way.

If mental and emotional dependence can be influenced and conditioned in certain way, to be encouraged, trained and empowered to become stronger, then of course, all that can be reversed.

All kinds of mental and emotional related problem and crisis, such as issues with restlessness, dissatisfaction, discontentment, greed, confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, pride, arrogance, shame, guilt, regret, grief, painful sorrow, superiority, inferiority, self-harm, harm others, destructive and hurtful behavior, bully, intimidation, hostility, violence, offensiveness, defensiveness, hurts, mental breakdown, over-whelming emotion, boredom, loneliness, meaninglessness, jealousy, anger and hatred, and etc, are not only deriving from ignorance and egoism, but especially are strongly related to the empowered mental and emotional dependency in the minds, where the mind unwittingly generates clinging, craving and longing towards receiving attention, love, support, companionship, encouragement, motivation, agreement, liking, acknowledgement, recognition, glorification, approval, acceptance, praise and compliment from oneself and others, as well as have aversion towards the absence or non-existence of all these that the mind is constantly craving and longing for, and towards the impermanent changes or the experiences, relationships, interactions, conditions and situations that are not the way that the mind likes, agrees with, and desires.

Even though the state of mind or the state of emotion, is mostly under the influence of hormonal changes and energy levels on top of being determined or influenced by the mind perception of names and forms or experiences, however, the mind can overcome all those influences upon attaining certain degrees of mental and emotional independence. That is liberation.

Very often when the minds are being rebellious and behave in the way that is meant to be disturbing and hurting their parents, their spouse, their lover, their teachers, their leaders, the society, the surrounding environment, or all and everyone and everything that they feel dissatisfied and angry with, deliberately and intentionally, it is because they are not free, as they are always under certain control or restriction of not being able to be themselves, simply the way that they would like to be, to do and say what they would like to do and say, to think what they would like to think, to believe or disbelieve in certain things, to practice or don't practice certain things, to appreciate or don't appreciate certain things, to express or don't express certain things, or merely to just be free, being what they are, as they are, instead of being a hypocrite under certain self-identity and group identity to think, believe, feel, behave, express, desire, act and react in certain way that is according to how all and everyone desire and expect them to be.

People who are struggling with mental health issues, they just need to let go of that hypocrisy that is something very normal and in common among the many different diverse communities in the world, that they themselves might not even aware of that it is 'something' existing in them, and that, it is causing them not being free, that leads to many other unnecessary mental and emotional issues, that gives rise to many unnecessary behavior problems in oneself and into the relationships and interactions with all the others under the 'unfree' and 'dissatisfied' state of mind. That's why people think and believe that they need to unwind or getaway for a few days, or few weeks, or few months, or even, for a few years, which makes them feel so much better about themselves and life existence, even though not many people understand exactly why, or what is the cause of the disturbed state of mind.

That certain degrees of relief from the existing disturbed dissatisfied state of mind coming from being unwind or getaway from 'life', or 'duty and responsibility', or 'family', or 'friends', or 'relationship', or 'work', or 'social network and interaction', or 'social medias', or 'spiritual and religious community', or 'national and political affairs and news', and so on, for certain period of time, is also impermanent, if without knowing what is the cause of the disturbed dissatisfied state of mind, that leads to the disturbing behavior in oneself, constantly hurting oneself and others, either wittingly or unwittingly.

That is because they are able to be free to be what they are, no need to be a hypocrite all the time dealing with many different people under different personal and group identities, during those times when they are being with themselves, or with some others that don't know them personally in life.

People are afraid of letting go hypocrisy, because most of their relationships with all and everyone are built on hypocrisy, and all these 'fragile' relationships built on hypocrisy might be broken or cannot survive under the truth of not being a hypocrite that pleases all and everyone in certain way.

The minds that understand, the minds that are mentally and emotionally independent, they have no fear of being truthful as they are, being free as they are, that they don't need to be a hypocrite or liar to be pleasing anyone that need to be pleased by others under hypocrisy and untruthfulness, who don't like truthfulness that they strongly disagree with and don't desire, that would be offended and broken by truthfulness.

Relationships that built on hypocrisy and untruthfulness don't last long, as there are so much dissatisfaction and tension in such relationships naturally due to the presence of hypocrisy and untruthfulness, and the extreme effort of trying to uphold such hypocrisy and untruthfulness, so that the 'fragile' relationships won't be broken or shattered.

Some people might mistaken having high self-esteem being proud and arrogant as being mentally and emotionally independent. It's definitely not, and if fact, it's a form of mental and emotional dependency, that's why there is the presence of self-esteem of being proud and arrogant coming from attachment and identification towards the existence and possession of certain qualities of names and forms that they like, agree with and desire.

Some people might also mistaken being a bully to be intimidating others as being mentally and emotionally independent. It's not at all, and in fact, it's also a form of mental and emotional dependency, as the mind needs to feel better about itself by bullying and intimidating others.

Mental and emotional independence is about the mind doesn't need to depend on the existence or possession of anyone or anything, of agreeable and desirable ties, connection, relationship, companionship, experience, interaction and activity, of specific belief, values and practice, of love, support, attention, acknowledgement, recognition, approval, agreement, liking, praise and compliment from others, of any qualities of names and forms to be what it is, and to feel good, positive, happy and meaningful, or not. The mental and emotional independent mind is not being influenced or determined by the presence and absence of all kinds of influences or conditions. This mind is able to be peaceful and compassionate under any unforeseen circumstances, or challenging conditions and situations.

The minds that are mentally and emotionally dependent would feel being intimidated or offended by anyone or anything, especially upon the presence of the mind that is mentally and emotionally independent, even when that mind has no intention to be intimidating or offending anyone, but merely being what it is, being free and independent.

Freedom is upmost important. It is equal to peace and harmony in oneself, however, not many people know exactly what is real freedom, and how to attain the ultimate freedom, of the liberation from the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness, and the suffering deriving from all that.

That is why the teachings and practice of yoga and buddhism are existing here for the minds, to be reversing the mind behavior pattern under the influence of all those worldly passionate egoistic influences and conditions since conception, and even more so, during early childhood and adolescence, young adulthood and later adulthood, and even after entering middle age and old age, where many minds are continuously being influenced and conditioned by the many inputs and ideas coming from everyone and everywhere, either wittingly or unwittingly.

Certain degrees of mental and emotional independence is highly important for the mind to be able to renounce the worldly passionate egoistic thinking, belief, values, practice, ideas, affairs, family ties and connections, relationships, interactions and activities, to be observing dispassion, silence, seclusion and solitude, to be performing self-inquiry towards the truth of everything, and towards what is the 'I', that the thinking in the mind that thinks and believes and identifies as itself, or a permanent independent individual self-existence, holding a self-image under certain way of living, thinking, belief, values and practice, physical appearance, mental and emotional traits, physical and mental ability and disability, different types of background, association, accomplishment and status, and specific personality and characteristic, that comes with many different personal and group identities under all kinds of qualities and different names and forms at the same time or in different timing.

The mind will attain real freedom that comes under correct understanding and self-control, be free from all kinds of suffering deriving from the idea of 'I', ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness, upon knowing Thyself.

The minds that know Thyself, that are mentally and emotionally independent, they are void of the sense of meaninglessness or loneliness.

Inquire the truth of everything.

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About Yoga

Know thyself. Everything is impermanent and selfless. There is no 'I'. There is no 'I am selfless'/'I am not selfless'. There is no 'I am hurt'/'I need to be healed from hurt'. Non-blind believing, non-blind following, non-blind practicing and non-blind propagating, but be open-minded to inquire the truth of everything. Be free. Be peaceful. Be happy.

About Meng Foong

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Inquire the truth of everything.

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