Be free from attachment and craving towards love and acknowledgement

Many unnecessary sufferings in the world are due to the minds are not free from the passionate egoistic attachment towards love and kindness, there’s desire of craving towards receiving love and kindness from others, or longing to be loved and acknowledged by others, or there’s expectation towards how all and everyone should and shouldn’t act and react and feel.

Many minds think and believe and propagate that all and everyone, including plants and objects, deserve and need love, or be loved by some others, or else, it’s bad, wrong, terrible, sorrowful, pitiful, joyless, meaningless and suffering, if without love.

That is everyone’s freedom of thinking and belief, desire, action and reaction, however, it doesn’t free the mind from perceiving suffering. The mind is still being conditioned by duality and the passionate egoistic attachment towards what the mind thinks and believes is love, good, right, positive, joyful and meaningful.

There is nothing wrong, and it’s very good about the presence of loving kindness among one another in the world of diversity where many minds are under the influence of ignorance and egoism. It’s better than the presence of hatred and cruelty among one another. But this loving kindness that is unconditional and non-discriminating, is beyond personal passionate feeling of love and affection that is conditional and discriminating.

The minds are not free from suffering under such thinking and belief, or understanding about all and everyone deserve and need love, regardless of whether it’s the presence of the personal passionate feeling of love and affection, or the unconditional non-discriminating loving kindness. By receiving love and kindness from others can only give certain degrees of momentary sense of happiness and meaningfulness, or momentary relief from what the minds think and believe as unhappiness, meaninglessness, or suffering, but it doesn’t free the minds from the root cause of unhappiness, meaninglessness, or suffering.

Treating or looking after all and everything with care and appreciation might can help to maintain or prolong their good condition up to certain degrees, but still, all are impermanent. Caring and appreciative towards all and everything doesn’t have to be related to passionate feeling of love and affection. One doesn’t need to have passionate feeling of love and affection, or attachment, towards certain things in order to show care and appreciation towards them, while respecting all and everything are impermanent. There’s no disappointment, painful sorrow, unhappiness, meaninglessness or suffering arise upon impermanent changes.

If the minds are being conditioned by the thinking and belief that all and everything need and deserve love and kindness from others, and are craving for love and to be loved by some others, while expecting all and everyone should show love and kindness towards all and everyone, or shouldn’t be unloving and unkind, regardless of whether they are the family, parents, siblings, friends, partners, children, or the communities in the world, they will be suffering upon thinking that they are not loved by others, or those whom they want and expect them to love and be kind to them, but they don’t love or be kind to them, or expecting that all and everyone should be loving and kind to one another, but they don’t.

The minds are craving for love and to be loved by some others, and have expectation towards how others should and shouldn’t act and react and feel, is merely because they are under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

What all and everyone truly need, for peace in oneself and in the world, is to be free from ignorance and egoism.

If the minds are free from ignorance and egoism, they will realize selfless compassion.

Once they realized selfless compassion, they will understand.

It’s everyone’s freedom for how they think, act and react and feel, of whether they love others and want to be kind to others, or not.

They don’t need to please or impress anyone in order to attain love and affection, or acknowledgement and validation from others.

They don’t need others to love or be kind to them.

They don’t need family, parents, siblings, friends, teachers, students, partners, children, communities, animals, plants, nature, objects, or the universe, to love them, or more precisely, to love them in the way that they think how it should be.

They don’t need to be loved by anyone.

They don’t need love and affection.

They don’t need acknowledgement and validation.

None can help or make them to realize that, but the mind itself.

Once they realized that, once they understood that, they are free.

They will never feel lonely.

They will never feel unloved.

They will never feel intimidated.

They will never feel hurt or disappointed.

They can love or don’t love anyone.

They can be kind to everyone, if they want.

They can appreciate the presence of love and kindness from others unto them, but they don’t need anyone to love and be kind to them, and they don’t expect all and everyone should be loving and kind, or shouldn’t be unloving and unkind.

They will allow and respect everyone whether they want to love and be kind to others, or not, even though they might not agree with, encourage, or support unloving and unkind behaviors in the world.

If they are suffering, it’s not because others don’t love them, or don’t want to love them, or some others are being unloving and unkind to them or others.

They are suffering, is because they don’t allow everyone being what and how they are, whether they love others or want to be kind to others, or not.

They are suffering, is because they want to be loved and acknowledged by others, there’s craving and expectation towards receiving love and acknowledgement from others, and there’s expectation towards how everyone should and shouldn’t behave, but that desire of craving and expectation is not being gratified.

And hence,

How to be free from such unnecessary suffering deriving from ignorance and egoism?

Just let go the passionate egoistic thinking and belief that is conditioning how the mind understands and judges everything, influencing how it acts and reacts and feels, and how it expects others about how everyone should act and react and feel.

No doubt that for promoting peace and harmony among all and everything, none should be unloving or unkind towards anyone or anything, however, it’s everyone’s freedom, whether they want to be loving and kind to others, or not, even if they are one’s family, parents, siblings, friends, partners, children, or community.

There's nothing wrong with the minds don't feel love towards certain names and forms that they dislike and disagree with. It's okay if the mind doesn't want to love someone or something, with or without any reason. The mind might not love, like and agree with everything, but it doesn't necessarily has to be hating or being cruel towards something that it doesn't love, doesn't like, or doesn't agree with. The mind that would react with hatred and cruelty towards something that it doesn't love, doesn't like or doesn't agree with, is ill, or corrupted.

It is everyone’s freedom for being ignorant and egoistic, or not.

It is everyone’s freedom if they feel lonely, unloved, intimidated, disappointed, hurt, joyless, sorrow, or meaningless.

It is also everyone’s freedom whether they want to be free from the unnecessary suffering deriving from ignorance and egoism, or not, and whether they want to let go, or not.

The minds that are free from ignorance and egoism, they are peaceful and free as they are, regardless of whether they have many friends, or have very few friends, or have no friend at all, to play with, interact with and share with, and whether their family/parents/siblings/friends are being loving and kind to them, or not. They allow everyone and everything to come and go as they are. The sense of loneliness, hurt, guilt, regret, sorrow, fear and meaninglessness doesn't exist in such minds.

Be free.

The suffering minds don't really need love, but Dharma / Dhamma

This teaching isn't opposing 'love' or 'loving kindness' among all and everyone.

It's about how to truly help the suffering minds to be free from suffering efficiently, where they are receiving the gift of Dharma or Dhamma, that allows them to be free from suffering by removing the root cause of suffering, by themselves.

There's no suffering even if 'loving kindness' from some others is not available for some reasons. There is no need to receive 'loving kindness' from anyone, in order to get momentary relief from suffering, as there's no suffering upon the removal of the root cause of suffering. Although there's nothing wrong with 'loving kindness' exists in the world, and it's better than the existence of 'selfishness, anger and hatred' in the world.

By showing loving kindness to the suffering minds will definitely help to relieve certain amount of suffering, but suffering will always be there, if the root cause of suffering is not being removed.

There's nothing bad or wrong to get momentary relief from suffering by receiving loving kindness from some others as well as receiving certain medical treatment that might also give momentary relief from certain suffering, but then, suffering will always be there because the root cause of suffering is still there, if the minds don't know what is the root cause of suffering, and don't know how to be free from the root cause of suffering.

No Guru, or Buddha, or doctor, can remove the root cause of suffering in anyone else, but only by oneself. While the success of those who attempt to remove the root cause of suffering is very much influenced by their own will-power, determination and perseverance.

It's everyone's freedom whether they just want to get some momentary relief from suffering, but suffering is always there, or they want to be free from suffering by knowing what is the root cause of suffering and how to be free from the root cause of suffering.

Those who are interested in realizing and eliminating the root cause of suffering, can take a look these blog posts and see if it can give some reflection to be reflecting upon -

https://mengfoonglai.blogspot.com/2018/09/love-upon-realization-of-selflessness.html

https://mengfoonglai.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-importance-of-renouncing-worldly.html

Loving kindness?

Many people who think and believe themselves are 'unselfish kind and loving beings' would react and feel disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that they perceive or acknowledge as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', and they would express their 'concern' by expecting these 'unkind and unloving beings' would somehow be criticized or punished for being unkind and unloving, or be disciplined or trained to be (more) kind and loving.

But, 'loving kindness' is about how one's mind behaves or reacts with 'loving kindness' towards other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, that one's mind perceives and acknowledges as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', without being disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, without expectation towards how other people should and shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, understanding that all forms of 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior as well as one's mind's reaction of being disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's 'selfish', 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior and the expectation towards how other people should or shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, are all deriving from ignorance.

Loving kindness is really not about "How human beings should behave in the way that is loving and kind" or "Other people whom one's mind thinks and believes as unkind and unloving need to be (more) kind and loving" at all, but it's about "This mind being kind and loving, where this mind understands towards ignorance and the consequences of ignorance, of egoistic actions and reactions, and how this mind reacts with loving kindness towards other people's unloving and unkind actions and reactions under the influence of ignorance. Being undisturbed and unhurt by all the disagreeable/undesirable/unpleasant names and forms or experiences that the mind perceives through the senses. Without expectation towards other beings should or shouldn't behave in certain way. Without expectation towards the world must be in certain way, or not to be in certain way."

When the mind is disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's unloving unkind actions and reactions, loving kindness is absent in this mind as well, then how could this mind criticize other minds for being unloving and unkind, and expect other minds to be loving and kind?

Non-attachment and dispassion is true loving kindness, but somehow this observation is being perceived and acknowledged by the world of egoistic minds as a form of 'lack of loving kindness', 'unconcern', 'uncaring', 'selfish' and 'wrong'.

It's everyone's freedom for what they think and believe, for how they act and react. In yoga, it's never about 'how the others behave', but it's about 'how this mind behaves'.

Contemplate on this, and be free.

Who is being unhappy and wants to be happy?

It's the ego that is being unhappy and wants to be happy. Minds that are free from ignorance and egoism is peaceful and joyful as it is and don't need to feel good and meaningful, or to be happy.

Most minds will try to do something that they like and enjoy, and to achieve something that they want to achieve, to feel good and happy and meaningful.

There's also nothing wrong with people want to do good and be kind to others because it makes them feel good and happy, but, that's not the teaching or practice of yoga.

Yoga practice is not about trying to do something to make the ego feels good and happy and meaningful (as this is empowering the ego and egoism) but, it's to remove the root cause of unhappiness - ignorance and egoism. Once the root cause of unhappiness is eliminated, one will be happy as one is.

When the mind is free from egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, and expectation, one will be peaceful and happy as one is. One doesn't need to do something, or not do something, to feel good and happy or meaningful. One doesn't need to take intoxication/alcohol/drugs or to achieve certain results, social status and network, health condition, fitness level, body image, physical and mental ability and good relationships, to feel good and happy and meaningful. One doesn't need other people's love, acceptance, support, acknowledgment, recognition, friendliness and companionship, or any entertainment, enjoyment, achievement and success to be happy or feel good and meaningful.

The teaching and practice of yoga is to abandon all these egoism, one will be peaceful and happy as one is. One can perform good actions and be kind to others out of compassion, without selfish intention or expectation of "I am doing all these because I want to feel good and meaningful and be happy."

Be free.

Pride and arrogance

One of the significant characteristics of the ego is pride and arrogance.

The ego is being proud and arrogant about one's worldly identity, personal thinking and belief, cultural practice, spiritual practice, religion, family background, origin, nationality, race, standard of living, lifestyle, conducts, way of doing things, social circle, social status, profession, career, special talent or skill, position held in a community or company or organization, intelligence, accumulated knowledge and experience, qualifications and achievements, social image, physical appearance and condition, physical and mental ability, relationships, contributions, self-righteousness, and etc, thinking that 'I' am better and more superior than other people, as well as this ego has the urge to interfere with other people's thinking and belief, way of doing things, lifestyle, conducts and everything thing else that are different from oneself, that the ego thinks they are less good and more inferior than all the qualities that it possessed and identified with.

The ego thinks that it is better, more intelligent and experienced, and more successful than other people, that it has a 'duty' or 'responsibility' to interfere with other people's choice of way of living and conduct that is different from its own. It thinks that it is instilled with some kind of 'authority' or 'aspiration' from 'something higher above all human beings' to 'guide' or 'inspire' other people's life by 'helping' them to 'change' everything about them that the ego thinks is less good and inferior than itself.

If other people don't agree with, or follow, or show interest in the 'kind' advice or suggestion from this ego, it will feel disturbed, offended, disappointed, disrespected, or humiliated. "I am giving you 'something very good', how come you don't appreciate?"

Meanwhile, this prideful and arrogant ego doesn't like it when other people try to interfere with it's thinking and belief, way of life and conduct, or giving advice, suggestion or opinion to this ego that they think is 'better' or 'more superior'.

Those who are free from pride and arrogance will allow other people to be prideful and arrogant, to give their advice, suggestion or opinion, but one is undetermined by it. One will consider the advice that is useful, but ignore the advice that is irrelevant.

'Yoga practitioners' and those who identifies themselves as 'yoga teachers' who are sincere in the path of yoga, are not being here to 'interfere' or 'change' or 'influence' or 'advise' everyone to also practice yoga and follow the way of life of yoga, it doesn't matter it's out of loving kindness or goodwill or good intention. 'Yoga teachers' or 'yoga practitioners' are just being here to sincerely perform their own practice to be free from ignorance and egoism and realize selflessness and unconditional peace. At the same time, 'yoga practitioners' or 'yoga teachers' who have the opportunity to 'share' their own practice and realization or insights with other people can disseminate the teachings of yoga without the sense of 'duty', attachment, identification and expectation, and selflessly guide those who are interested in yoga onto the path of yoga, without pride and arrogance of oneself being a 'yoga practitioner' or 'yoga teacher', and towards one's actions and the fruit of one's actions.

It's everyone's freedom whether one performs actions out of egoism, pride and arrogance, or being free from egoism, pride and arrogance.

Beware of the characteristics of the ego. Such like, "I am doing something good and meaningful.", "I am contributing to the society or the world.", "I am a good being and I 'want' other people also to be good beings.", "Yoga is so good, everyone should also practice yoga.", and so on.

Be free.

What happens when we feel 'touched' or 'moved' by someone or something?

We might think it is because we are admiring or appreciating some 'nice' qualities in others that is deeply 'touching' or 'moving', or we think it is because other people show us and others unconditional friendliness, assistance, acceptance, forgiveness, loving kindness, or simply being nice to us, which we didn't expect to be receiving, that make us feel 'touched' or 'moved'.

What happens is, in that 'touching' moment, we are reconnecting with those 'nice' qualities that exist in us but somehow we might have forgotten, or suppressed, or denied for some time, most probably because we think and believe that we have to be selfish, defensive, aggressive, hard and mean, when things get rough in life, or when we feel threaten by someone or something. We are actually being 'touched' and 'moved' by the unconditional love that was always there in us. And that allows us to 'see' or 'recognize' those 'touching' qualities in others, and generate such admiration towards other people having such 'touching' qualities that actually comes from within us.

When we think we are 'touched' by someone or something, it is not the intention of that person or that thing to touched anyone's heart, but it is coming from ourselves realizing the similar qualities in us that allows us to reflect them on another person or onto something.

That's why within the same situation, some people feel touched, but some others don't.

Om shanti.

Intelligence, kindness, peace and happiness?

Wisdom and ignorance, happiness and unhappiness has nothing to do with high intelligence nor low intelligence, Low intelligence doesn't guarantee kindness, peace and happiness as well. Kindness without non-attachment doesn't guarantee happiness either.

Happiness is already and always there in oneself. We are disconnected with this happiness when the mind is under the influence of ignorance, egoism, attachment, craving and aversion.

Intelligence and knowledge is neither good nor bad, and has no quality to make anyone happy or unhappy, kind or unkind. We can make use of the intelligence and knowledge to be doing something good or bad for oneself and others, but it also doesn't guarantee peace and happiness.

Just like a person might have the intelligence, knowledge and skills, to think, to design, to construct, to build a highly ecological and functional beautiful house to live in, but it doesn't guarantee this person who creates the house, or the people who live in the house will be compassionate, peaceful and happy, be free from being affected, disturbed, influenced or determined by ignorance, selfish desires, egoism, attachment, craving, aversion, pride, arrogance, anger, hatred, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, feelings of hurts, fear and worry. And all these defilements has nothing to do with the degree of intelligence and knowledge about this and that.

Real kindness or compassion, peace and happiness, shine in oneself disregards the degree of intelligence and accumulated knowledge, when oneself is free from all these defilements, stop making oneself miserable and unhappy, and stop hurting oneself or others out of these defilements.

Om shanti.

Reflection at the waterfall on loving kindness...

On the way walking back from the waterfall to the car park, an old Malay man asked us, "Is the waterfall very far away?"

We told him it's only less than 5 minutes walk and it's easy to walk there.

And when he started walking towards the waterfall, we heard someone calling, "Pakcik (Uncle)!.... Pakcik (Uncle)!"

We then saw a Malaysian Chinese man who was working for the renovation project at the waterfall was calling for the uncle.

Assumed that he must have something to say to the uncle, I helped him to call the uncle also, but seemed like the uncle didn't hear us and kept walking away.

The Malaysian Chinese man spoke to me in Chinese, "The uncle's family had went up to the top of the waterfall and I heard the family told the uncle to wait for them here. He is old and alone. He shouldn't go anywhere. I worry if something happen to him and no body is with him."

I said to him, "Maybe you can go and check him out in 10-15 minutes time later to make sure he is alright."

He said, "But I will be going back soon."

I said to him, "为人为到底，送佛送到西， (It means that when we show concern and kindness to other people, we have to complete doing what we have started), please go and check him out before you go back to make sure he is alright."

He then laughed, and said, "Okay. I will go to check him out before I leave."

A small story, but it was very touching, as this Malaysian Chinese man doesn't know this old Malay man. The old Malay man's family left him alone there, and the family didn't ask this Malaysian Chinese man to watch out for this old man. He has no obligation to look after this old man. But just because he overheard their conversation and out of concern for the old man's safety, he showed concern and care for him.

And most important, there's no difference about race or people whom we know or not. We show concern and care to anyone disregard we know them or not, and without any obligation.

Marc laughed out loud after I explained to him about our conversation. He said it's funny for me to tell people, if we want to be good, we have to complete the good actions that we have started. And that man actually listened to what I said to him.

Om shanti.