The mind that doesn't love itself or anyone

There are many minds that are functioning under the influence of the veil of ignorance, are wittingly and unwittingly clinging onto and craving towards attaining and possessing endless attention, liking, affection, love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation, recognition, agreement, approval, praise and compliments, support and encouragements, sympathy and empathy, companionship, ties and connections, relationships, or friendships, where they have intense aversion or rejection towards the opposite of all that or the absence of all that, but they don't love themselves or any others at all, even though they would think and believe that they love all the others very much, but then, they will constantly do and say things that will hurt all the others that they think and believe that they love very much upon their desires of craving and aversion are not being gratified, when they don't get what they expect to be getting but they are getting what they don't like and don't desire from the others that they think and believe that they love very much.

The mind that doesn't love itself and any others is actively and passionately showing affection, or kindness, or friendliness, or generosity, or helpfulness to the others with the intention/desire of to be receiving attention, liking, affection, love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation, recognition, agreement, approval, praise and compliments, support and encouragements, sympathy and empathy, companionship, ties and connections, relationships, or friendships in return. And it is disturbed, disappointed, and bitter, upon its such desire/craving are not being gratified after it showed affection, or kindness, or friendliness, or generosity, or helpfulness to others, or after it has done something 'nice' for others. While being 'nice' in front of the others in order to attain what they desire to be getting from the others, but then, they would do and say things that hurt the others behind their backs (hypocrisy and back-biting or back-stabbing or slandering) in order to attain what they desire to be gaining from doing that (politicking and sabotaging).

These minds also think and believe that they are the 'victim' of 'ill-treatment' or 'bad behavior' from the others upon not receiving what they expect to be receiving from the others. "You are ungrateful and bad. You are so unloving and nasty to me. You don't love me. I love you very much and I don't deserve this from you but I deserve better from you," upon not getting what they expect to be getting from the others, or upon getting what they don't like and don't desire.

These minds are also the minds that would be 'suffering' from the sense of loneliness, joylessness, meaninglessness, unloved, unattended, unnoticed, unappreciated, unacknowledged, left-out, low self-esteem, low self-worth, shamefulness, or pride and arrogance, where they themselves as well as some mental health advocators, or psychologists, or holistic/spiritual/religious enthusiasts/practitioners/propagators would think and believe that they 'deserve' extra sympathy and empathy, attention and affection, love and support, or tolerance and forbearance from all the others to be actively enduring and forgiving (passively encouraging and empowering) the repetitive ongoing hurtful behaviors of such minds, as these minds would be constantly behaving in the way that hurt all and everyone, under the influence of such ignorance in themselves.

"I am sorry if I have hurt you unintentionally," and "I love you very much," doesn't mean anything, when these minds would ceaselessly do and say things that hurt all the others repeatedly upon not getting what they expect to be getting from the others as well as in the pursue of getting what they desire to be getting from the others, while they would 'apologize' for their hurtful behavior that they think it's not their intention at all to hurt anyone (either they aren't aware of their behavior is hurtful, or they are denying that their behavior is hurtful, where they think and believe that their behavior is not hurtful at all, but it's a form of loving kindness and generosity and righteousness).

This is a common hurtful behavior (mental blockage/illness or mental corruption) that exists in many family ties and connections and relationships, among spouses, among parents and children, among siblings, among friends and relatives, and among the members of any community that come under similar and/or different ancestral, cultural, and regional backgrounds.

The yoga and/or buddhism practice is all about enabling the minds to see themselves, or to attain self-realization towards the manifestation of this veil of ignorance in themselves, and to free themselves from all that, out of their own conscious awareness, conscious freewill and initiative, conscious effort and self-discipline, under the presence of intense yearning towards liberation/knowledge/freedom/peace, under immovable willpower, perseverance, and determination.

There is nothing wrong or negative upon the mind realizes that it doesn't love itself or any others at all, that it has been hurting all and everyone out of ignorance repeatedly and ceaselessly, wittingly (I know that I have hurt you) and unwittingly (I didn't know that I have hurt you, and I didn't have intention to hurt you).

The mind that understands, it stops chasing after, or craving towards, or clinging onto attention, liking, affection, love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation, recognition, agreement, approval, praise and compliments, support and encouragements, sympathy and empathy, companionship, ties and connections, relationships, or friendships coming and receiving from the others, not being determined by the presence or absence of all that.

It is okay to realize towards and acknowledge to oneself and others (ones parents, children, siblings, spouse/partner, friends, anyone or everyone, and etc) that, "I don't love myself. I don't love anyone. Because I keep doing and saying things that hurt myself and everyone that I thought and believed that I love very much, but I don't." Which leads to the manifestation of unconditional and indiscriminate loving kindness manifesting in the mind towards itself and all the others, where the mind stops/ceases hurting itself and the others, because it understands.

Such mind is free to love or doesn't love, being loved or not being loved, and having or not having any family ties and connections and relationships and friendships, allowing all the others being what they are, as they are.

The sense of loneliness, joylessness, meaninglessness, unloved, unattended, unnoticed, unappreciated, unacknowledged, victimized, left-out, low self-esteem, low self-worth, or pride and shame, doesn't manifest or exist in such mind.

Peace in the world of many diversities that doesn't belong to anyone or anything, begins with the mind that knows and understands this, or the mind that is mentally and emotionally independent or matured.

Just be kind, be loving, be friendly, be generous, and be helpful towards others indiscriminately and unconditionally without the intention/desire/craving/expectation of receiving kindness, love, friendliness/friendship/relationship, generosity, or help in return.

Many minds are being brought up in the way of developing and empowering hypocrisy, untruthfulness, and politicking, where such behavior or practice are being valued and seen as 'the way to maintain peace and harmony among one another in the family ties and connections, friendships and relationships, or community affairs and interactions, and the way to success and prosperity and power and wealth', but it doesn't. That is why the world is in such a great mess under the presence of such ignorant idea, belief, value, and practice deriving from ignorance and empowering ignorance.

Inquire the truth of everything, and be free.

The egoistic urge to interfere and control

The urge to interfere and control is a common and natural trait or behavior pattern that exists in the selfless minds that are functioning under the influence of the idea of 'I' and egoism, under the presence of conscious and semi-conscious awareness.

The selfless mind that is absent of conscious or semi-conscious awareness in the state of unconsciousness/deep sleep/coma, there is also absence of the idea of 'I' and/or such egoistic activities of interfering and controlling this and that to be or not to be in certain way, while the entire selfless physical body is still running/functioning/operating as it is, probably even more smoothly, under the function of the different autonomous bodily systems, under the presence of the selfless supportive energy and elements.

The entire world will be so peaceful, being free from all kinds of conscious and semi-conscious egoistic activities, if all minds of the human beings are resting in the state of unconsciousness/deep sleep even just for a few moments.

Meanwhile, the minds that have attained direct realization towards the truth of Selflessness, Impermanence, Limitation, Conditional, and Non-self, they are functioning under the absence of the ego and egoism even under the state of consciousness/wakefulness and semi-consciousness/sleep/dream. They perform possible selfless actions/activities that are beneficial to oneself and others and the surrounding environment, but devoid of egoism of grasping/attachment/identification/craving/aversion/judgment/comparison/expectation towards the actions and the fruit of actions, not to say, there is absence of egoistic urge to interfere or control anyone or anything to be or not to be in certain way.

These ego-less selfless minds are performing selfless actions in the world that benefit oneself and others and the surrounding environment, and that would promote peace and harmony among the many diversities, but there is no aspiration/desire/intention/expectation towards all and everyone and everything will be all good and nothing bad, or the world will be all peaceful and harmony devoid of any unrest and disharmony. They respect all and everyone being what they are, as they are, and evolve as they are. All and everyone are free to be what they are, think and believe and understand as they are, and feel, desire, behave, act, and react as they are. But the selfless and ego-less minds are not being determined, or disturbed, or offended, or intimidated by what and how all and everyone are.

Just as the act of disseminating dhamma to all and everyone, indiscriminately and unconditionally, while respecting all and everyone whether to receive or reject, and whether they will practice and attain direct realization towards the dhamma, or not. Just like the sun is there being what it is, while all and everyone can show their opinion, desire, and expression of likes or dislikes and appreciation or non-appreciation towards the sun being there as it is, but all kinds of positive or negative opinions, desires, and expressions of the different minds don't determine the sun being what it is. And all the selfless minds of the highly intelligent knowledgeable sentient human beings in the world can still be functioning as they are upon the annihilation of the ego and egoism, and the world will have less unnecessary evitable conflicts and suffering.

The absence of the egoistic urge and activity of interfering and controlling everything to be or not to be in certain way, or the presence of dispassion and desirelessness, doesn't mean 'inaction', as commonly being interpreted and understood in such way by the minds that are functioning under the influence of the ego and egoism, because all their activities are all about interfering and controlling themselves and others and the surrounding environment to be more or less the way that they desire it to be. They cannot perceive/comprehend any other kind of activities that are non-interfering or non-controlling anything to be or not to be in certain way.

For these egoistic selfless minds, it is unrealistic and impossible or unthinkable about the absence of the ego and egoism, even though most of these minds strongly believe in certain non-factual story telling about some mystical magical myths/beliefs, where even 'the existence of the highest authority/creator/judge of the universe' is also being created under the similar qualities/characteristics by the minds that are egoistic, 'judgmental', 'possessive', and 'control freak'. It is understandable why they can't perceive or comprehend a world that can be functioning under the absence of the ego and egoism.

There is the existence of certain inspiration/urge/desire/aspiration/intention/anticipation/expectation towards achieving/obtaining certain goal/achievement/gain/result in certain way, that is what prompts or motivates them to be performing certain conscious/semi-conscious actions or activities, regardless of whether it is something constructive or destructive. They think and believe that it is impossible for any kind of conscious/semi-conscious actions or activities that are being performed under the absence of any desire/intention/anticipation/expectation towards achieving/obtaining specific goal/achievement/gain/result.

The entire selfless ego-less non-egoistic physical structure is made up of countless selfless and ego-less non-egoistic cells that form the different bodily components, organs, and systems for the selfless physical body to be existing and functioning as what it is, as it is.

The ego and egoism exists only in the selfless restless modification of the selfless perceptive cognitive intellectual emotional thinking and acting mind under the presence of conscious and semi-conscious awareness during the state of consciousness and semi-consciousness, that is accountable for performing certain voluntary or non-autonomous physical and mental activities, being prompted/motivated by conscious desires/intentions influenced by certain existing ideas, belief, values, and practice in the mind. But there are ceaseless and boundless involuntary, or autonomous, or non-conscious physical and mental activities happening ceaselessly for maintaining the selfless impermanent limited and conditional life existence and function of the body and mind, that are happening ceaselessly without the need of the mind being aware/conscious/control towards all those essential activities for life maintenance operated under the selfless ego-less intentionless survival instinct. And if all those involuntary autonomous non-conscious selfless and ego-less activities for life maintenance don't happen, or stop happening, the conscious/semi-conscious selfless 'prideful', 'possessive', and 'control freak' mind that is functioning under the presence of the ego and egoism under the presence of conscious and semi-conscious awareness during the state of consciousness and semi-consciousness, cannot be existing and functioning as what it is.

Even when the physical body encounters any kind of illness or injury, the best treatment or rehabilitation is to minimize the conscious or semi-conscious state of mind, to minimize the conscious and semi-conscious awareness and activities, by inducing/optimizing/extending the state of unconsciousness/deep sleep/coma for an extended duration, that will allow the body to be recovering naturally from the illness or injury more efficiently.

The selfless and ego-less physical body is ceaselessly 'regenerating' or 'rehabilitating' itself selflessly and ego-lessly up to a certain extend, where all the cells and the different components, organs, and systems are performing their respective duty as they are, while inter-supporting/communicating/responding with one another selflessly and ego-lessly throughout the different states of consciousness, even without the mind being aware of all those subtle physical and mental activities that are happening ceaselessly, while the conscious/semi-conscious self-acknowledging egoistic impure restless ignorant mind under the presence of conscious and semi-conscious awareness during the state of consciousness and semi-consciousness, is being busy generating and occupying with all kinds of ideas/desires/aspirations/intentions/ambitions of achieving/obtaining/possessing/constructing/over-powering/interfering/controlling/destroying/getting rid of this or that, and reacts with dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, anger, hatred, and violence upon the boundless desires of craving and aversion/likes and dislikes/desires and don't desires to interfere and control everything to be or not to be in certain way, are not being gratified.

The selfless egoistic prideful self-righteous mind that is functioning under the presence of conscious and semi-conscious awareness under the state of consciousness and semi-consciousness is strongly thinking and believing that itself and all its conscious and semi-conscious egoistic intentional activities are far more superior and meaningful and fruitful than the involuntary autonomous unconscious ceaseless ego-less and non-egoistic intentionless activities that are selflessly and ego-lessly supporting and allowing the selfless impermanent limited and conditional existence and function of the mind to be existing and functioning as what it is.

There are many unnecessary and evitable problems/conflicts/hurtful activities in the world of human beings, are due to this egoistic urge in the passionate egoistic impure restless minds to interfere and control not only one's own body and mind to be or not to be in certain way, but also to interfere and control the others and the surrounding environment to be or not to be in certain way, in accordance to one's desires and don't desires based on one's likes and dislikes, or agreements and disagreements, or belief, values, practice, and vision/aspiration/ambition, or way of living and doing things.

That is why the upmost importance of the genuine regular active engagement in activating the conscious mind evolution process in the minds of human beings, to purify/silent the passionate egoistic impure restless modification of the mind, a.k.a. the annihilation of the veil of ignorance, by the mind itself, that will truly benefit the entire world of many diversities that doesn't belong to anyone or anything.

It is the highest form of education/training/practice that will lead to all kinds of prosperity under the presence of wisdom, kindness, respect, peace, and harmony among the diverse names and forms in the world of many diversities that doesn't belong to anyone or anything, on top of the existence and availability of certain basic literature education under different subjects, universal common sense, general physical and mental health and well-being knowledge, and different interests and skills development.

The global leader, the regional leader, the parent, the child, the sibling, the relative, the partner, the friend, the member of the particular community, the business person, the customer, the employer, the employee, the teacher, the student, the social media influencer, the law maker, the doctor, the nurse, the patient, the driver, the passenger, the creator, the consumer, the neighbour, the colleague, and/or anyone, that is free from the veil of ignorance, that is devoid of the ego and egoism, is the most precious and powerful thing in this world of ignorance and egoism, that will promote more peace and harmony in oneself and others and everything in the surrounding environment, selflessly, indiscriminately, and unconditionally.

It is absolutely possible to achieve and have more peace and less unrest in the world, if most minds (if not all minds) especially the minds that have the aspiration, ability, and possibility to be holding certain activity/duty/responsibility/power of leadership/management/organization/law making/law upholding/parenting/teaching in anywhere in the world of many diversities that doesn't belong to anyone or anything, who have certain degrees of influential power that intentionally and/or unintentionally impacts all and everything in certain way constructively and/or destructively, can be self-initiated to be engaging in some kind of practice that would lead towards the direct realization towards the truth of the selfless impermanent limited and conditional existence and function of all kinds of names and forms. Where the presence of wisdom and unconditional peace not only illuminates oneself, but also naturally illuminates the surrounding environment, benefiting the closed family ties and connections, the personal friendships and relationships, the particular community, the vast diverse communities, all kinds of private and public organizations, and all kinds of living organisms and non-living objects, indiscriminately and unconditionally.

Just like the sun, the water, the air, the earth, the livable condition and atmosphere, and the space, they are existing and functioning as what they are, selflessly and ego-lessly, ceaselessly provide all kinds of essential supportive selfless energy and elements or activities for all and everything to be manifesting, arising, existing, functioning, changing, and passing away, as they are, indiscriminately and unconditionally.

But, somehow, under the influence of the veil of ignorance, the many passionate egoistic impure restless perceptive cognitive intellectual emotional self-acknowledging thinking and acting minds of the human beings think and believe that, "It is not possible to be performing any kind of actions or activities consciously under the absence of the ego and egoism, devoid of conscious desire/urge/motivation/intention/anticipation/expectation to be more or less interfering and controlling everything to be or not to be in certain way."

They think and say, "We need to do good and right, to enjoy all kinds of goodness in return. We need to stop doing bad and wrong, to avoid any kind of badness in return." But, when things don't turn out to be the way that they think and believe and expect how it should be, they justify and say, "Everything is God's will," or "This is due to bad karma," or "This is due to shortcoming, that I am not good enough or deserving enough."

That is their freedom of thinking, belief, and understanding.

Inquire the truth of everything. 

Physical, mental, and emotional freedom

It is understandable that why there are many people (minds) dislike or disagree with unrestricted unlimited physical, mental, and emotional freedom.

"I want my self, my body, my mind, my partner, my children, my family, my community, my country, and my world to be like this and not like that. I don't want my self, my body, my mind, my partner, my children, my family, my community, my country, and my world to be like that and not like this."

Above all, many 'good and righteous' people dislike and disagree with allowing all and everyone to be free to be what they are, to think/don't think, to believe/disbelieve, to feel/don't feel, to desire/don't desire, to behave/don't behave, to act and react/don't act and react, and be able to doubt, to question, to inquire, to learn, to experience, to make mistake, to reason, and to understand as they are, that they strongly think and believe that all and everyone should be taught/educated/molded, restricted (with rules and regulations) and disciplined (under all kinds of threats and violent painful punishments, if not temptations/rewards) to be good and righteous, or to have good manner and conduct, righteous values, and morality, is because they think and believe that the unrestricted unlimited physical (actions/activities), mental (thinking/ideas/values/activities), and emotional (expressions/activities) freedom will lead to immorality and all kinds of evil wrong doings.

Fear.

Possessiveness.

Desire and don't desire. 

Craving and aversion.

Control and interference towards the body and the mind and the others to be and not to be in certain way in accordance to one's desire and don't desire. 

That type of mentality (thinking, belief, values, desire, vision, and practice) and action taking itself, is deriving from a modification of the mind that is functioning under the influence of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness (lack of peace and devoid of correct understanding).

How can the minds that are lack of peace and devoid of correct understanding, that are being over-powered by fear, possessiveness, desire and don't desire, or craving and aversion, to be controlling and expecting all and everyone to be the way that they think and believe and desire as "A world, or a community that is free from immorality and all kinds of evil wrong doings, or hurtful damaging destructive behavior unto oneself, others, and the surrounding environment," when they themselves are thinking, desiring, and behaving in such hurtful damaging destructive way?

Immorality and all kinds evil wrong doings, or hurtful damaging destructive behavior, are not deriving from unrestricted unlimited physical, mental, and emotional freedom.

Unrestricted unlimited physical, mental, and emotional freedom is not the cause of immorality and all kinds of evil wrong doings, or hurtful damaging destructive behavior unto oneself, others, and the surrounding environment.

It is the presence of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness in the modification of the mind.

Where the thinking and acting mind is unwittingly being over-powered and determined by or being the slave of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness in the modification of the mind, to think, to believe, to reason, to understand, to desire, to behave, to act, and to react in certain way and not in certain way.

The imposition of restriction and limitation unto all kinds of physical, mental, and emotional freedom for the selfless conscious living organisms to be doubting/questioning/inquiring/learning/experiencing/mistake making/reasoning/understanding/growing/maturing healthily, for them to be existing and functioning as what they are, not only that it doesn't help to eliminate ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness from the modification of the mind (the absence of peace and correct understanding), but it is stimulating and empowering all that, which is highly detrimental for the physical, mental, and emotional conscious and unconscious evolution of the selfless conscious living organisms towards 'what most minds would like and desire it to be' - to have minimal, or even, to be free from all kinds of undesirable and unpleasant physical, mental, and emotional painful suffering.

The history in the world, have been 'showing' that the world didn't and doesn't become 'better', under the presence of external 'control'/'restriction'/'limitation'/'discipline'/'threat'/'punishment' or 'reward' coming from others imposed unto others.

The idea, values, and practice of 'control'/'restriction'/'limitation'/'discipline'/'threat'/'punishment' or 'reward' exists in the family ties and connections, in all kinds of relationships and affairs, in the community, and in the many different types of organizations.

Responsible constructive beneficial behaviors are coming from the mind that is functioning under the presence of peace and correct understanding, or the absence of unrest and incorrect understanding in the modification of the mind.

Instead of controlling and expecting all and everyone to be and not to be in certain way, allow and respect all and everyone to be opened and to be free, not being constraint/restricted/limited in a particular shape or quality in accordance to one's desire and don't desire, to be free to doubt, to question, to inquire, to learn, to experience, to make mistake, to reason, to understand, towards all and everything.

To be matured, and be independent physically, mentally, and emotionally.

To be a responsible human being under the presence of peace and correct understanding, that looks after oneself and the surrounding environment, out of one's own conscious awareness/understanding/initiative/freewill/choice/desire/action.

The selfless universal consciousness that enables all and everything (conscious or non-conscious living organisms and non-living objects) to be manifesting/existing and functioning as what they are, selflessly and impermanently, governed by the nature's law of cause and effect, doesn't and never 'control' anything to be or not to be in certain way, or 'judge'/'reward'/'punish' anyone or anything for being what all and everything are.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Do not blind-believe, blind-follow, blind-practice, or blind-propagate anything from anyone and everyone.

Renunciation and dispassion

As mentioned countless times repeatedly in this blog and in the many teachings from the past and present dhamma teachers or gurus, that the observation of renunciation and dispassion is highly important for the minds that genuinely want to be free from ignorance and egoism and the consequences of that, to transcend names and forms, duality and quality, to eliminate ignorance and egoism, to attain self-realization towards selflessness, to attain silence of the restless mind, to realize unconditional peace, which unintentionally promotes more peace and harmony or contributes less unrest and disharmony in the world of diversities.

Even though most minds are still following and practicing certain kind of traditional family and spiritual/religious cultural belief and values, but if there is certain degrees of openness where they don't oblige or force their children to also follow and practice and pass down such belief and values to the next generations, where they allow their children to be independent to learn, explore, inquire and realize what is best for themselves, where they are able to love and accept their children for being what they are, then there won't be much difficulty or obstacle when someone who is interested in the path of yoga and/or buddhism wants to observe renunciation and practice dispassion under the teachings of yoga and/or buddhism. This kind of parents are the precious jewels of the world who truly embrace and promote peace and harmony in themselves and in others, as if they would be able to respect, love and accept their children being what they are unconditionally, most likely that they will also be able to respect, love and accept all and everyone as they are, unconditionally.

It's normal that the minds that are being conditioned deeply by certain traditional family and spiritual/religious cultural belief and values that emphasized on the importance of their next generations must also follow, practice and pass down such belief and values, where they couldn't allow, respect, accept or love their children being what they are, not necessarily following and practicing the traditional family and spiritual/religious cultural belief and values, they might not like or agree with the teachings and practice of renunciation and dispassion, as they think that it means abandoning one's family especially the parents, and doesn't love one's family and friends, or betraying their family (especially towards the parents and the ancestors) and their traditional spiritual/religious cultural belief and values. That's their freedom of understanding and thinking.

These minds most likely would generate unnecessary tension, unrest and disharmony in themselves unwittingly, out of the possessiveness and control towards their own children to be in certain way, or out of dislike and disagreement reacting towards all the others of the many different diversities in the world being what they are, that are different from and contradicting with their particular belief and values, if they can't even respect, accept and love their own children as they are, but only if their children are being the person that they want them to be, and being the way that they like and agree with, in accordance to their particular family and spiritual/religious cultural belief and values.

The yoga or buddhism enthusiasts themselves who have been growing up under such parenting environment and are being conditioned by such thinking and belief, might also understand and think in such way, and be disturbed by the sense of inappropriateness, guilt and doubt towards whether one should observe renunciation and practice dispassion, or not.

The practice of renunciation and dispassion in order to be looking after one's mind, to be free from ignorance and egoism and the consequences of ignorance and egoism, doesn't mean that one is abandoning one's family or doesn't love one's family and friends, but actually, it's truly caring and loving one's family and friends and the diverse society unconditionally, by respecting all and everything in this world of diversity indiscriminately, under the correct understanding or wisdom deriving from the genuine practice of renunciation and dispassion, that not only one has peace and harmony in oneself, but also be able to radiate unconditional peace into the surrounding environment naturally without any egoistic intention or expectation, being able to accept and love all and everything as they are, without generating unnecessary tension or ignorant behaviors, actions and reactions that might hurt oneself and/or others either wittingly or unwittingly out of ignorance and egoism, upon the absence of ignorance and egoism.

Without any intention or aspiration, one is supporting, empowering and contributing to world peace.

The observation of renunciation is nothing to do with being a monk or nun living with some other monks/nuns in a monk/nun community in a temple or an ashram, that need to be following specific rules and regulations under such community under certain organization. Most minds that are still under the influence of ignorance and egoism would be detaching from their personal family and community while attaching onto the monk/nun family and community (brotherhood or sisterhood) or the organization. It doesn't free the mind from ignorance and egoism.

Cutting off all kind of family ties doesn't mean that one doesn't love or stops loving those within the family, but one can be kind and compassionate towards this family unconditionally without attachment, identification, possessiveness, selfishness, desire, judgment or expectation. In the beginning, the mind that is still under the influence of ignorance and egoism might perceive, recognize, think and believe that it's a form of 'selfishness', 'wrongfulness', 'heartlessness', 'cruelty' or 'madness' to be 'cutting off' ties with the family, but upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism, upon the realization of selflessness and non-separateness, the minds will also realize that there's no 'cutting off' any ties, as there is not any ties existing among all kind of selfless impermanent beings and objects.

Inquire the truth of everything.

胜不骄 败不馁

胜不骄 败不馁 parenting method vs "Good job, well done, we are so proud of you and you should be so proud of yourself" kind of parenting method.

If more people understand 胜不骄 败不馁 rather than "I need to achieve something and be somebody that will make myself and other people feel proud of", then the psychologists in the world will be out of job.

Untruthfulness and dishonesty

Whether we like it or not, most people have been being untruthful or dishonest every once in a while or regularly. It's a habit that has been building up since childhood where the children are being brought up by their parents or elders with the habit of fictional and fantasized stories making and telling (untrue), joking (untrue), white lies (untrue), hypocrisy (untrue), boasting (not necessarily true), pleasing (most probably untrue), or acting (untrue) as something 'normal', 'appropriate manners' or 'play safe' to be interacting with other people in the family, in the relationships, in the society, in the social media, in the politics.

The children are being taught to be untruthful, dishonest and hypocrite by telling (white) lies, boasting, joking, pleasing or acting so that they do not upset or offend other people, or they should please other people, as one of the manners/politeness/appropriate behavior in their cultural and social practice.

A lot of time, untruthfulness and dishonesty is the by-product of fear.

Whenever the children are being aware of they might have done something they shouldn't be doing that they think it would upset their parents or their friends, and most probably, out of fear of being criticized, or scolded, or punished, or unloved by their parents or their friends, and fear of losing the supportive treatments from their parents or their friends, children would tell lies to hide the truth, being untruthful or dishonest. And this untruthful and dishonest behavior becomes a natural habit to 'play safe' and to 'please other people' in their childhood and continue to follow them into their adulthood.

When the children have the initiative to tell the truth or admit to their parents that they might have done something that they think it might upset their parents, and if the parents react with anger and aggressiveness towards the children or the incident, or inflict punishment onto the children, the children will tend to be untruthful or dishonest from then on. Instead, if the parents react with calmness, acceptance, forgiveness and letting go, knowing that by getting upset and angry won't undo what had happened, then the children will tend to be truthful and honest from then on. It also allows the children to learn to appreciate truthfulness and honesty, and learn about acceptance, forgiveness and letting go. Children making mistakes is a great learning process for both the parents and the children, to become responsible compassionate people, who accept and love themselves and other people as they are, even though they are not perfect.

Truthfulness and honesty is one of the important basic practice in yoga. Without it, numerous of other yoga practice are meaningless. But for many people who grew up under that kind of parenting or upbringing to behave 'appropriately' and 'politely' in their relationships with everyone, in the family, in the school, in the workplace, or in the society, being untruthful and dishonest is something 'right' and 'good', while being truthful and honest is something 'wrong' and 'bad'. They think that it's needless to abandon untruthfulness and dishonesty when they take up yoga practice, thinking that it's the 'normal' and 'correct' way of living and interacting with everyone in the society in order to have 'healthy' and 'happy' relationships with everyone.

How many conversations between people don't contain any untruthfulness or dishonesty?

Many people who are under the influence of the ego are either don't like the truth or being afraid of the truth. As most of the time, the truth is something difficult or unpleasant or painful for the untrained minds.

When people try to tell the truth of a 'good son' to his parents that their 'good son' isn't really good, the parents say, "No. Don't tell us (the truth). We don't want to know about it. Our son is all good. We brought him up to be good. He is a good boy."

People can't live and interact with other people 'normally' in this world without being untruthful or dishonest a little bit here and there.

While yoga is about the truth. No matter how difficult or unpleasant or painful is the truth, one has no fear of the truth.

And hence, those who truly practice yoga, they stay away from the society and observe seclusion and solitude, to avoid unnecessary untruthfulness and dishonesty.

Teach the children to accept and love themselves as they are

If we want to help to build a more peaceful and compassionate society, it's very important to have young generations that are selfless, peaceful, wise and compassionate, and hence, how the parents or caretakers and the influence of the surrounding environment for the children growing up to be adults/leaders that are endowed with awareness, self-discipline, self-control, independence, truthfulness, honesty, peace, wisdom and compassion is very crucial.

We need to teach the children how to accept and love themselves as they are, to develop awareness, independence, self-discipline and self-control, to inquire the truth of everything, to realize the truth of impermanence and selflessness, to be free from craving and aversion, to have unconditional peace and compassion, so that they don't need to depend on the qualities of names and forms that are impermanent to be who they are. They don't need to depend on receiving other people's love, kindness, acknowledgement, compliments, supports, friendships, relationships and companionship, or depending on a wishful desirable perfect world, to be who they are, to be proud, to be confident, to feel meaningful, to be happy, and to perform actions that are wholesome to themselves and others, out of free-will, out of compassion towards oneself and others, without attachment or identification towards the actions and the result of the actions to be who they are.

They know what are their ability and limitation. They are not defined by their ability and limitation to be who they are. They do their best to achieve what they want to achieve, but they have no attachment or identification towards the ability or limitation, the achievement or non-achievement. They allow other people to think, to judge, to compare, to expect, to like and dislike, to agree and disagree with towards their ability and limitation, but they are not affected or defined by other people's thinking, judgment, comparison, expectation, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements.

Being free from pride and arrogance, they know how to take consideration towards other people's advice, but without taking other people's advice blindly, and they know how to make use of the opportunity that is available to make decision and perform actions that they think are the best, without attachment or expectation towards the outcome of the decision made and the actions performed.

They can work in a group, cooperating with all levels and respecting all levels as equally important, without the sense of superiority or inferiority, knowing that the entire system requires every levels to work together for it to be functioning, but at the same time, they can work independently as well, when cooperation from others is not available.

The society will naturally have more peace and harmony by having less personal, family, relationship, social, political and religious problems if the children grow up to be adults/leaders in the society who are endowed with peace, wisdom and compassion, being free from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

Unfortunately, most people who became parents are not free from ignorance, egoism and impurities, and are being conditioned and influenced by worldly, cultural, social and religious thinking and belief to live their life and how they bring up their children. Many children grow up to be adults/leaders living in the society with some sorts of psychological issues and behavior problems, full of discrimination, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, selfishness, aggression, violence, corruption, untruthfulness, dishonesty, offensiveness, defensiveness, animosity, depression, low self-esteem, hurts, regret, guilt, fear and worry. And then, when they try to runaway from or cover up what they think is not good or bad or negative or imperfect about themselves, that they don't like about themselves, that they don't want any others to know about it, they might create further and deeper problems for themselves and others, in their life and relationships, and in the society.

This is due to many parenting are influenced by the worldly, cultural, social and religious thinking and belief that emphasizing on empowering the ego of the children to boost their self-esteem or self-confidence or self-image by giving them praise and compliment and rewards to motivate and encourage them to be what the parents expect them to be and by giving them criticism and threat and punishment to discourage them to be what the parents don't want them to be, telling them that they need to do well and be good but also always be better and better, so that they can please other people, to attain praise and compliment, love, support, approval, agreement, acknowledgement and friendship or relationship from others to be who they are.

Whether they are aware of unaware of it, many parents bring up their children by emphasizing on the empowerment of the worldly egoistic nature with great attachment and identification towards the qualities of names and forms, to be somebody that the children and their parents and other people would be proud of. This empowerment of egoism generates separateness and discrimination, that give rise to many personal, family, relationship and social problems in one's life and in the society.

If children start early to develop correct understanding towards the thinking and behavior pattern, actions and reactions, craving and aversion, feelings and emotions, all sorts of mind activities and impurities, the ego and egoism, and train to eradicate egoistic thinking and behavior that give rise to restlessness and the impurities of dissatisfaction, disappointment, greed, anger, hatred, jealousy, corruption, untruthfulness, dishonesty, violence, animosity, offensiveness, defensiveness, hurts, regret, guilt, fear and worry, they can be kind and compassionate towards other beings, but without expecting or craving for love and kindness and appreciation from other people in return, without clinging onto other people's love and kindness and appreciation to be who they are.

Children growing up suffering from low self-esteem is because of the parents make them think and believe that they have to be in certain ways and achieve certain qualities, in order to be accepted and be loved by their parents and other people. They were told that they don't deserve love and they shouldn't love themselves if they are not good enough, that they shouldn't accept themselves as they are, as they need to be better and better, and never stop being better. There will never a point that they are good enough so that they can accept and love themselves, as they are. Because the parents are so afraid that their children will stop improving themselves if they think they are good enough. And so, the parents make sure that their children never think that they are good enough.

When these children couldn't be in certain ways or achieve certain qualities, their parents will show dissatisfaction, disappointment and aggressiveness towards them, and this make them think and believe that they are not good enough, that they don't deserve acceptance and love from their parents and other people, or even from themselves. They don't know how to love themselves and they also don't know how to accept or love other people as they are, as they will also be like their parents, that they will also have expectation towards other people to meet up with their expectation towards other people, that they have to be in certain ways and achieve certain qualities, to be good enough, but they will never be good enough, as they need to be better and better.

If the children grow up knowing how to accept and love themselves as they are, unconditionally, they will always accept and love themselves as they are, regardless they are being in the way that their parents or other people expect them to be, or not, and whether they achieve the qualities that their parents and other people expect them to achieve, or not. And they will also know how to accept and love other people as they are, without expecting other people have to be the way that they think they should be, or to achieve certain qualities that they like and agree with.

It's not easy to guide children. Parents or caretakers who devote their time, effort, patience, love and acceptance towards the children unconditionally, is a great yoga practice. They don't need to be regularly doing some forms of yoga exercise, or breathing exercise, or chanting and prayer, or ritual, or to call themselves yoga practitioners or yogis, but by nurturing young children to grow up becoming responsible, peaceful and compassionate members of the family and the society, without egoism of attachment, identification and expectation, just do their best, and let go of the outcome, allowing the children to learn and evolve as they are, and love them as they are, unconditionally, is a great yoga practice and great contribution to humanity.

Be free.

The connection between low self-esteem and parenting

There's a huge connection between low self-esteem and the way of the parents bring up their children.

Low self-esteem is a form of mental illness. And there are quite many of the world population are suffering from some forms of mental illness, especially low self-esteem.

The main element that contributes to low self-esteem is the family brought up of how the parents bring up their children, where people are being influenced by the trends of the society on how they bring up their children, where the society emphasize on appearance, performance and achievements to be the important values of self-development individually and as part of a society.

People feel that they need to look and behave and carry themselves in certain ways so that they will be accepted and respected by the family and the society. Their perception towards themselves of what they think is who they are and their life existence is very much being defined by their appearance, performance and achievements that is determined by the expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment and criticism from themselves and other people towards them.

Proudness is the shadow that follows low self-esteem. If low self-esteem is absent, proudness doesn't exist.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem need to feel proud of oneself. This is mainly the responsibility of how their parents brought them up. The parents have expectation towards their children and whether they are aware or unaware, whether intentionally or unintentionally, they are influencing the thinking and belief of their children to become the person that they want them to be and the way that they like it to be, and the way that they think is good for their children. They try to motivate their children to be they way that they like them to be by giving them praise and compliment, and they try to demotivate their children to be the way that they don't like it to be by giving them criticism and punishment. There's always assessment and judgment coming from the parents towards their children for how they look and behave, how they perform physically and mentally, and what they achieve or can't achieve. They will be happy and be nice to their children when their children fulfill their expectation, that they behave and achieve something the way that they like it to be. They won't be happy or be nice to their children when their children didn't fulfill their expectation, that they didn't behave or achieve something the way that they like it to be.

The parents hope that their children are 'good' enough and be competent to be able to compete with other people in the society to excel among the others and to be able to fit in into the higher or better class of the society. They want their children to be successful to be respected by the society and live life meaningfully, according to their thinking and belief about what is success and live life meaningfully.

Many parents will say this to their children, whether they are aware or unaware of the consequences of their action and speech, and whether they really mean what they say, or not. But the children will take it seriously, even if the parents didn't really mean what they say.

"You need to have some sorts of expectation towards yourself to improve and be better. Set up your goal and expectation and strive to achieve your goal and expectation. Then you are considered successful and well-deserved lots of love and happiness and respect from everyone."

 "Good boy/girl! Well done! You make us so proud, mummy and daddy love you so much. Keep it up and be better and better."

"You are so bad and terrible. Can't make anyone proud of you. You don't deserve love from anyone. Mummy and daddy don't want you anymore. We are so disappointed in you."

"If you are like this, mummy and daddy don't want to love you. Look at your sister/brother/friend, they are so much better than you."

"If you achieve this result, we will give you this and bring you there. If you don't, we won't give you this or bring you there. Let you stay at home by yourself. We only bring your brother and sister."

"Say please and thank you, or else, I won't give you what you want."

"Come on, you can do better than this, and you will make everyone proud of you."

"Are you a good boy/girl, or not? This is not good enough, you can be better than this. If you are very good, then people will love you. If you are not good, then no one will love you."

This is how the parents nurture their children to grow up becoming people who suffer from all sorts of mental illness.

 

The parents never teach the children, "We love you unconditionally, as you are. Just do your best in whatever you want to do. It's good if you succeed. It's okay if you don't succeed. Do not let success and failure to determine you. You don't need cheers, motivation, encouragement, appreciation or acknowledgment from anyone to do your best in what you want to achieve. Do not let other people's agreeable or disagreeable reactions and their judgment of praise and criticism to determine you. It's needless to have pride and arrogance to be who you are, even if you are very good and successful. Accept and love yourself and everyone else unconditionally."

They always feel bad and dissatisfied with themselves towards the ability, performance and achievements of their physical body and their mind. They always feel that they need to compare and compete with other people, including their siblings, their spouse, their friends, their classmates, their colleagues, their neighbours, and anybody. There is an instinct to constantly judge their and other people's appearance, ability, performances and achievements to compare and compete with one another. They were being told by their parents to think and believe that they are always not good enough and will never be good enough, that they always have to be better than what they are now. They want to be loved by their parents and everyone, but they think they must first be good enough, and they always afraid of being not good enough for their parents and other people, even though they know they are good enough for themselves. They always longing for praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, especially the parents, siblings, friends and spouse. Or else, they will feel very dissatisfied, disappointed and depressed about themselves and their life.

It's so tiring to try to fulfill the expectation from their parents and the society and themselves, to be good enough that they can be proud of themselves in order to love themselves, and to please everyone expecting people will like and love and be nice to them, for their whole life, in the family, in love relationship, in friendships, in the school, in the workplace, or in the community. They are defined and determined by their actions and the result of their actions, and other people's reaction and treatment towards them to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not.

These children grow up without knowing how to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are, because their parents don't accept and love them as they are, and never teach the children to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are. There's always some form of expectation to determine the presence and degree of acceptance and love.

Those who are free from low self-esteem don't need to feel proud of anything. They don't feel bad or dissatisfied about themselves for being what they are, as they are. They know what they can achieve and what is their limitation. But they are not defined or determined by their achievement or limitation to be who they are. They don't need praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from anyone. They are not affected or disturbed or determined by other people's expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment or criticism towards them. They are not determined or affected by their actions and the result of their actions. They don't need to be good enough the way that how the world think and believe as good enough in order to love themselves. They love themselves as they are, and they love everyone as they are.

This is the essence of yoga.

There are yoga practitioners including some yoga teachers are not free from the suffering of some forms of mental illness, and it's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed about if the mind is not free. Everyone takes their own time to practice and realize the truth and be free.

Children grow up without a 'proper' family is NOT something terrible, bad or suffering

In the conditional worldly thinking and belief, people normally and naturally think and believe that if children grow up without a 'proper' family, it MUST be something 'terrible', 'bad' or 'suffering'.

Children grow up without a 'proper' family is NOT something terrible, bad or suffering. Growing up without a 'proper' family might not be easy and it might be more challenging and requires more effort and self-discipline than other children who grow up in a 'proper' family, but it is not something terrible, bad or suffering.

There's nothing wrong with people being sympathetic or empathetic, and to show sympathy or empathy towards other living beings who experience something that they believe as 'terrible', 'bad' or 'suffering', but it doesn't mean that this type of 'natural' and 'normal' thinking and belief and sympathetic/empathetic reaction will benefit the children who unwittingly having such 'abnormal' growing up condition.

Most people react with "Oh! This child is so pitiful for having no father, or mother, or both parents. What an unfortunate and suffering life this child has." or "Oh! So sad. This child must be so unhappy to not having a father, or a mother, or both parents, or family, or siblings, or relatives, or friends."

People have the freedom for what they want to think and believe, and how they want to feel and react. But if people really want to help the children without a 'proper' family, people should stop 'feeling sorry' for the children. People need to stop making the children think and believe that people should be or are 'feeling sorry' for them because it is something terrible, bad or suffering for them to grow up without a 'proper' family. By making the children to think and believe that it is something terrible, bad or suffering for having no 'proper' family, that they deserve 'special treatments' or extra love, attention and support from other people, it will only encourage the children to develop stronger attachment/desire/craving for 'love', 'attention' and 'support' from other people. This doesn't help or benefit them at all.

If people truly want to help the children who don't have a 'proper' family, they can teach and guide the children how to love themselves without the need of self-pity, self-blame, sympathy and empathy from other people, or envy towards other children who have a 'proper' family. It will be good if there are people being there to show sympathy, love and support for them, but if there's no sympathy, love and support from other people, it's fine. It's totally okay for not having a 'proper' family, if one knows how to love oneself, being free from ignorance and egoism, being unconditioned by conditional worldly thinking and belief. There's no bitterness, sorrow, anger, hatred, low self-esteem, defensiveness, offensiveness, envy, fear and worry for having a more challenging growing up life condition than other people.

People can be peaceful and happy as they are, with or without a 'proper' family, or parents, or siblings, or relatives, or friends. But if people are being conditioned to think and believe that children grow up without a 'proper' family, or parents, or siblings, or relatives, or friends, it must be something terrible, bad or suffering, that they should feel bad about themselves, that other people should feel sorry for them, or people need to have a 'proper' family, or parents, or siblings, or relatives, or friends in order to be happy and live life meaningfully, or else they will be suffering from loneliness and they are 'doomed' to be unhappy and live life meaninglessly, then that is what the children will become - Restlessly craving for 'love', 'attention' and 'support' from other people or 'somebody', for them to feel loved, happy and meaningful. Or else, they will feel unloved, unhappy and meaningless. They will always be dissatisfied and disappointed either with themselves for being 'not good enough' or with other people for being 'unloving', 'unsupportive', or 'unsympathetic', when they are not getting the right amount of love, attention and support that they think they deserve to be getting from other people.

When one knows how to love oneself, one will be free from restless desire/craving for love, attention and support from other people, and this freedom from desire/craving for love, attention and support allows one to be happy and peaceful as one is.

Or else, children might grow up having a 'proper' family and receive lots of love, attention and support, but they might not be free from attachment/desire/craving towards something that will make them feel happy and meaningful, as they think they need to have or they expect 'love', 'attention' and 'support' from other people for them to feel loved, happy and meaningful. They are not free at all, as they don't know how to love themselves.

Be free.

Children grow up without a father or a mother or both parents

Of course, it would be good if the children grow up in an environment that they are being loved and supported by both 'loving' parents.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, one of the parents is not there to love and support the children as they grow up, it would be good if at least there is a 'loving' father or mother being there to love and support the children.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, both of the parents are not there to love and support the children as they grow up, it would be good if they can depend on some other people's charity, love and support until they become independent.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, there's nobody being there to love and support the children as they grow up, that they have to depend on themselves and nature, it would be good if the children know how to love themselves and be independent without self-pity, self-blame and bitterness, no matter how difficult and harsh it can be.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, the children grow up in an environment where one or both of the parents or the care taker, is ignorant, unloving, selfish and abusive, it would be better if the children grow up without the parents or any care takers. Growing up in an environment surrounded by and under the influence of ignorant people with ignorant behavior can be worst than being alone not be surrounded by ignorant people with ignorant influences. Children grow up under the care of one or both of the parents are not necessarily well brought up to have the correct understanding of life and be free from unhappiness and suffering, who won't hurt themselves or other beings out of ignorance and egoism, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

If life appears to be challenging and difficult, most important is that one knows how to love oneself, and has peace and compassion. It's not a suffering or unfortunate if one grows up being abandoned or unloved or unsupported or being abused, if one has self-awareness and self-realization, be free from ignorance and egoism. There's no need of self-pity, self-blame, anger, hatred, envy, bitterness, defensiveness, offensiveness, fear or worry.

Being alone, by oneself, of solitude, is not something 'bad' or 'difficult' or 'hardship' or 'suffering'. It's indeed a great 'fortune' to immerse into the silence of solitude, of peace and compassion, being free from ignorance and egoism.

Many people are surrounded by some or many other people, of family and friends, but they are not necessarily peaceful and be free from suffering.

Be free.

The relationship between the parents and the children

This article is about the relationship between the parents and the children in 'conventional' family affairs/relationships. It's not about sensitive cases involve 'unconventional' single parenting out of sexual abuse and rape.

Before two people in a love relationship want to create/bring in new lives/beings/children to form a family, they need to know what is love. Real love. Unconditional love. If not, it is the main factor why there are conflicts/unhappiness/affliction exist in many families which create broken children growing up into broken relationships/family of their own.

When the parents create/bring a new life/being into the world, they never, and couldn't ask the permission/consent of this being for creating this life and bringing this being into the world, as this life/being didn't exist until the parents had created this life/being whether through sexual intercourse or higher technology, whether intentionally or unintentionally, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Children are being born without their own free will or consent, but unwittingly out of the parents' desire to have children, or out of both or one of the parents' act of lust even though they have no desire to have any children. And yet, many parents think and believe that these beings/children belong to them, where they think that they have the authority on the children about how they want to treat and bring up the children and whether they will love and care for them, or not. The parents also think that children are born with the obligation, duty and responsibility towards their parents and all the other family members.

There are many parents don't have any intention to have children, but the child is conceived accidentally out of their act of lust, and these children are 'unwelcome' in their life/relationship. Maybe some parents might change their minds to 'welcome' the child into their life/relationships, and will love and care for the child, but some parents might 'perceive' the child as a 'burden' to their life/relationship, and they don't love or care for the child. Some even abandon the child to their relatives, or children homes, or on the streets. Maybe the abandon child will get love and care from some other people, maybe not. Meanwhile, some didn't abandon the 'unwelcome' child, but they don't love the child at all and this generates great damages to the child's overall well-being. The parents don't see that it's their own responsibility for conceiving the child out of their act of lust whether wittingly or unwittingly, and yet, they blame the existence of the child for 'giving' them 'problems'.

Most parents who intentionally and wittingly to create lives/children to form a family think and believe that it is because of love. Two people love each other and want to create children/family that 'belong' to both of them, that they share together. Some parents create/bring in children to build a stronger connection/relationship/bond between the two of them, or as fuel to keep their relationship alive. This is a complete selfish desire to have children, but people don't see it as selfishness. Children are being born because the parents want to gratified their desire to have children to form a family to be the connection/bonding medium for their relationship.

Some parents do 'love' their children unconditionally, but some might not realize that their desire to have children is selfishness, and their 'love' towards their children is conditional/possessive love that comes with great expectation/condition. Some don't even have the love, patience, effort and time to 'nurture' and 'look after' a child, but just because they have the basic instinct/desire to be a mother or a father, and so, they produce children.

Many parents don't realize that there are hidden selfish intentions/conditions in bringing/creating new lives into their relationship/family. Many parents expect something in return by creating/bringing in children onto their life/relationship. They think that by having children it will 'bring' joy and happiness into their life. They think that by having children it will give them meaningfulness in life or take away their loneliness/boredom. They think that by having children it will 'keep' their marriage/relationship to stay alive and connected. They think that by having children, they will grow up to bring back money to support their life. They think that by having children, the children will look after them when they are old or sick. They think that by having children, they will be loved. They think that by having children, it will make their life or relationship complete. They think that by having children, it will make them become a real man and a complete woman.

There are many people get married merely to form a family life and reproduce, which they think it's a 'solution' or 'investment' for them to deal with unhappy relationship/marriage, loneliness, emptiness, old age and sickness.

Many parents have expectation towards their children that the children have to love and care for the parents in return for the love and care that the parents have been giving to their children. They expect/think that all children 'are obliged to' or 'should naturally' show love and care to their parents as it is the duty and responsibility of the children towards their parents. The children should appreciate and be grateful and thankful to their parents for bringing them into the world, feed them and nurture them, and so, all children should show gratitude by giving their love and care to their parents in return. This is conditional love / selfish love / possessive love. And when they think their children don't love and care for them, or don't love and care for them enough, they feel disappointed and hurt. They are disappointed and hurt by their own expectation towards the idea of having children. They don't love their children. They love what they think they can get from having children.

Either they feel sad about their children unloving behavior, or they feel bad and sorry for themselves for being unloved by their own children, or they feel disappointed, hurt and angry with their children for not loving them or care for them after they have been showing lots of love and care to bring their children up, or after they have invested so much 'time', 'effort', 'money' and 'love' for the children's upbringing, welfare and education.

It's common and natural that the parents would feel disappointed or hurt or angry if their children don't love them or don't love them enough, but then know that this is because these parents don't really love their children, but they only love what they think they should be receiving from having a family life by having children. And thus, when they don't get what they think they should be getting from creating/having a family, they react in such way.

If the parents truly love their children, they will love their children as they are and won't be disappointed or upset or feel hurt, even if the children are not good to their parents or don't love their parents, or don't behave the way that what people think all 'good' children should behave, or if they think their children didn't carry out the duty and responsibility of being the children of their parents. People feel disappointed, hurt and upset in children/family affairs is because they think they love their children/family but they don't really know what is love or how to love. This is absolutely nothing to do with how the children treat their parents, or whether the children are being good and loving to their parents, or not.

It's normal for the parents to show love and care for their children, but many don't realize that they have great expectation towards their children to be the type of people that they would like them to be, that the children are obliged to listen to and follow all their commands/wishes, and they must show love and care in return for the parents' love and care for them.

When the parents want to be recognized as 'good parents', 'good father' and 'good mother', they put so much pressure onto the children to make sure they grow up to be 'successful' people that will make their parents, friends and relatives feel proud of. The parents feel proud of themselves to be able to produce and bring up children that appear to be 'somebody' that they feel proud of. Or else, they are frustrated/disappointed with themselves and their children as they couldn't produce and bring up children to be 'somebody' that would make them feel proud of. Meanwhile, the children grow up becoming people who keep looking for acknowledgement from other people, to make people feel proud of them, to feel "I am good enough" in order to feel confident, meaningful, and being loved. Or else, they feel disappointed/depressed about themselves for unable to be 'good enough' to make their parents or other people to feel proud of. And this affects their relationship with everyone else. These are the 'values' that were passing down from generations to generations of what a family means and what to expect from creating a family.

If the children are born out of real love, where the parents have the unconditional love and knowledge of life to give to another life/being unconditionally, then the parents wouldn't think/expect that their children are born with the duty and responsibility as children towards their parents and all the other family members, that the children are obliged to love and look after their parents and all the other members in the family. The parents will just do their best to nurture the children, teach them to love and look after themselves, until the children are independent, they'll let them go and allow the children to evolve to be what they are. As well as the children shouldn't be taught or feel that it's a duty and responsibility for being the children of their parents and being one of the family members, that they are obliged to give something back in return and to love and look after their parents and the rest of the family members. But, out of everyone's own free will, out of unconditional love, out of compassion, everyone do their best to be kind to oneself and each other, to love and look after oneself and one another without expecting anything in return. There's no disappointment, hurt, anger, bitterness or unhappiness. Everyone loves and accepts one another as they are.

It's not because it's an obligation, duty and responsibility, that's why the children 'have to' love and look after the parents and the other family members. It's not because of gratitude towards the parents' love and care for them, that's why the children 'have to' love and care for the parents in return. It's even without obligation, duty or responsibility, a being can show love and care for other beings. It's even other beings don't show love and care for a being, this being can still be loving and kind towards other beings.

May all families have peace and harmony, being free from suffering/affliction/unhappiness that derived from ignorance and egoism of attachment, identification, desires and expectation.

Stop judging anything based on the conditioned thinking and beliefs in our minds, is yoga practice...

Every time when we judge something or someone as 'good' or 'bad', 'right' or 'wrong', 'nice' or 'not nice', it is coming from the mind reacts towards what it perceives through the senses, and judging all these names and forms based on what it likes and dislikes, what it agrees and disagrees with, according to what the mind believes what things are and how things should be like. It is not the truth of what things really are.

It's common that our minds are conditioned to think in certain ways and to believe in certain beliefs.

Whether with awareness or without awareness, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we don't just expect ourselves to live life and to behave according to the thinking and beliefs in the mind, we also expect others (especially those who are close to us in life) to live life and to behave according to these thinking and beliefs in our mind. If others have different types of thinking and beliefs, and live life and behave contrary to our thinking and beliefs, or our way of life and behavior, we will judge their thinking and beliefs as 'not right' or 'wrong', and their way of life and behavior is 'not good' or 'bad'. And if we are unable to live life and behave the way that we think we should be according to certain beliefs in our mind, then we will judge ourselves as 'not good' or 'bad'. But this is not the truth.

Yoga practice is to change this habit of the mind, and stop judging anything or anyone based on the conditioned thinking and beliefs in our minds. Allow everyone and everything to be what they are, even if our minds dislike or disagree with them. Not expecting or trying to change them to be the way that we like them to be, or the way that we think it should be. We can share peace and harmony with others, and do our best to give the best guidance that our minds think and believe is 'best' to others, out of compassion, without attachment towards our actions and the fruit of our actions.

For example, being a parent. Naturally we will have some expectation towards ourselves to be a 'good' parent based on what our minds believe how a 'good' parent should be like. We will also have expectation towards our children how they should be like based on what our minds believe as 'good' children and 'right' behavior.

There's nothing wrong with this. Just that our minds will be unhappy, upset or angry, being dissatisfied, disappointed or frustrated with ourselves and our children whenever things didn't happen the way that we think it should be, nor as 'good' as how we like it to be. We think and judge that either we are not 'good' enough, or our children are not 'good' enough, or both. And if we don't have self-awareness nor self-control over our actions and speech, we might generate actions and speech that will hurt ourselves and our children, generate disharmony and tension in oneself and in others who directly or indirectly coming in contact with us.

For example, food. We like and dislike certain types of food and taste. We cannot force everyone especially our children to have the same liking and disliking towards food and taste as us. If they don't like the food and taste that we like, or vice versa, our egos will be offended. "Fish is very good. Why don't you like to eat fish? It's so bad for you to dislike eating fish.", or "Fish is not good. Why do you want to eat fish? It's horrible to eat fish.", or "I am your parent. You should listen to me. Fish is good for you. You should eat fish, whether you like it or not." and etc...

It is not necessarily that we must have our own children to be our teachers to teach us about life and compassion. Or else if we don't have any children, does that means we won't have the teachers to teach us about life and compassion? It's not. Everyone and everything including our children (if we have), are our teachers to teach us about life and compassion, to allow us to realize compassion. But the greatest teacher above all, is none other but ourselves. As it depends on ourselves to have the awareness and humility, to recognize, to acknowledge and to allow all these beings and things to be the teachers to be teaching us. And whether we will learn something from them or not, whether we can let go of egoism and attachment or not, and whether we will realize compassion or not, it is coming from ourselves.

And so, no need to feel bad or think that something is missing, if we don't have any children.

Be happy.

Om shanti.

快乐充满爱的幼年成长时期,是世界和平最关键的影响因素

当我们的社会里出现了动荡，憎恨，暴力，歧视或种族主义冲突，起因是来之于无知，不满，愤怒和憎恨，并且极有可能，它是来自一个不快乐，压迫环境之下成长的童年影响。

毫无疑问，学校教育，社会接触，社会媒体，商业和政治操纵是其中非常重要的 ''洗脑'' 因素，对我们的思想，信念和行为有很大的影响力。但人类的思维，信念和行为最重要的影响因素，是从幼年成长时期就开始了。

一个健康仁慈充满爱心的家庭成长环境的重要性，和正确的人生价值观教育，是实现家庭和谐，社会和世界和平最关键的，最有影响力的元素。

不歧视和尊重一切众生，善良和慷慨，慈爱与和平，无暴力和无仇恨的品质，都是从童年就开始造就。

如果孩子成长在一个充满爱心和无暴力的培育环境之下，他们一般都是独立和快乐的。

在不受压迫和没有暴力的培育环境之下，和拥有正确的人生价值观之家庭教育，是非常重要的。就好像：－

对一切众生无条件的慈爱，宽恕，宽容，包容，耐心，为他人着想，尊重，不歧视，广阔的胸襟，开放的视野，谦让，无暴力，无评判，无占有性，诚实，坦白，慷慨，知足，感恩，珍惜，体育精神与道德，等等；

纯洁的思想，行为和语言，无有愤怒，仇恨，骄傲，狂妄，贪婪，嫉妒，恐惧和担忧；

来之他们自己的意愿，不被压迫之下的启发自我控制和自律；

将所有行动转化成不期望回报的无私服务；

最重要的，无论他们的表现如何，他们可以完全的被接纳与被爱；

他们被允许去考证询问一切事物的正确性，并没有被强迫去服从或遵照他人的指示；

他们被允许犯错误，并从自己的错误中学习；

那么这些孩子将可以充满自信和自由的成长，拥有不被动摇的自信心和伟大的人生价值观，懂得自爱和自我接纳，拥有个人的信念，自我约束和控制。

他们不会生起冒犯性和防御性的念头和行为，没有愤怒和仇恨，没有恐惧和担忧。

他们将不会受到那些“不良好”或“不正确”的学校教育，社会接触，社会媒体，商业和政治操纵的影响。因为这些孩子们拥有强烈的推断能力，懂得自己辨别是非，善恶。

而这些所有的人生价值观从早期的童年就开始培养了。

这并不是“我希望我的孩子是善良的人，或者是好人，或者是圣洁的人”。这也不是为了我们自己的私欲，希望他们成为我们想要他们成为的那一种人。而是让孩子有很大的自由空间去探索，体验，学会如何自己对自身和宇宙负责。

即使我们已经尽了最大努力，我们可以给孩子提供最好的指导，但是，他们的思维，信念和行为，仍然是他们自己的责任。家长应该完全豪无条件的仁爱和接纳他们当下真实的自己。

这也不是不要给孩子们暴露于，或接触到某些不良因素。反而，让孩子们接触和知道所有好和坏的因素，使他们自己能够开发的推理推断能力，辨别是非，善恶，并让他们为自己的决定和行动负责。

他们成为自主的人，懂得对他们自己的思想，信念和行为负责。

父母或监护人或照顾者本身是需要拥有这些正确人生价值观，那么他们才可以引导这些孩子（未来的领导人）培养这些正确的人生价值观。

如果孩子们因为成长在一个充满爱心和快乐的童年而拥有强烈稳固的正确生命价值观，那么将没有其他来自社会可能会造成任何不良或有害的杂质元素可以影响到他们个人的思想，信念和行为。因为这些孩子们从小就拥有强烈的推理能力，懂得自己辨别是非，善恶。

在提供指导和支持给予自己的孩子的同一时间，可以允许孩子有很大的自由空间，让他们有想成为什么的自由，而他们也知道如何明智的使用自由。没有一个父母会说教育孩子和给他们自由空间去发展开阔智慧是件很容易的事。

对于每个不同类型的孩子有着各人的性格和特点，我们提供不一样的指导方法和教育方式。要懂得大自然的规律是无常。每个人的思维，信念和行为无时无刻的在改变。我们的个性和兴趣可能会不时改变。我们要学会接受所有的变化。因为这就是懂得无条件的接纳和爱自己和其他的众生。

愿一切众生自在，快乐，和平。

Om shanti.

Well loved children and happy childhood is very crucial for world peace and harmony...

When there are unrest, hatred, violence, discrimination or racism happening in our society, it is derived from ignorance, dissatisfaction, anger and hatred, and most probably, it is coming from an unhappy oppressive childhood bringing up environment.

There is no doubt that schooling education, mixing in the society, social media, commercial and political manipulation are very big influential elements of 'brain washing' towards our thinking, belief and behavior. But the most crucial influential elements in 'influencing' human beings thinking, belief and behavior start from childhood bringing up.

The importance of a healthy loving bringing up environment and correct education on values of life are the most crucial influential elements in achieving peace and harmony in the family, in the society and in the world.

Non-discrimination and respect all beings, non-violence and non-hatred, loving kindness and generosity, love and peace are all start from childhood bringing up.

If the children are well loved, growing up in a loving and non-hatred nurturing environment; they are generally happy and cheerful, being free from oppression, suppression and violent treatments; and the family cultural values of life is very much based on unconditional love towards all beings, forgiveness, forbearance, patience, accommodation, tolerance, thoughtfulness, respect, non-discrimination, open-mindedness, humility, non-violence, non-judgmental, non-possessiveness, honesty, truthfulness, generosity, contentment, gratitude, appreciation, sportsmanship, purity in thought, action and speech, free from anger and hatred, pride and arrogance, greed and jealousy, fear and worry; they develop self-control and self-discipline on their own free-will, transform all actions as selfless service without expectation; and most important, the freedom to be who they are, being accepted as they are and being loved as they are, and they are allowed to reason everything and not being forced to obey or follow instructions, and they are allowed to make mistakes and learn from their own mistakes; then these children will grow up confidently, having their own confident immovable great values of life, having self-acceptance, self-belief, self-discipline and self-control. They will be free from offensiveness and defensiveness, anger and hatred, fear and worry. They will not be affected, nor determined, nor influenced by 'poor' or 'incorrect' schooling education, mixing in the society, social media, commercial and political manipulation.

And all these values of life start from the early childhood bringing up.

It is not about "I want my children to be good people, or to be well-behaved people, or to be saintly people". It's not about our selfish desires wishing them to be the kind of people that we want them to be. It is allowing the children to explore, to experience, and to learn to be responsible human beings towards themselves and the universe.

Even if we have tried our best to give the best guidance that we could give to the children, it is still their own responsibility towards their own thinking, belief and behavior. Parents should love and accept them as they are.

It is not about keeping the bad elements away from the knowledge of the children, not allowing them to be exposed or get in touch with certain bad elements. But to allow the children to be aware of all the good and bad elements, and allow them to develop reasoning power to discriminate right and wrong, good and evil; and allow them to take full responsibility for their own decisions and actions made.

They become self-independent and be responsible for themselves on what they think, believe and behave.

The parents or the care takers are the ones who need to be endowed with such values of life, then they can guide their children (future leaders) to be endowed with such values of life.

If the foundation of the values of life is strongly established in a loving and happy childhood bringing up, then there is no other impure elements coming from the society can cause any bad or harmful influence into one's thinking, belief and behavior. As these children grown up with reasoning power to discriminate right and wrong, good and evil.

No one who have been through parenting will say it's easy to give guidance and support to their children, and at the same time to allow their children to have the freedom to be what they want to be, and they know how to use the freedom wisely.

Methods of guidance and ways of parenting can also be different in each child with different types of personality and characteristic. The law of nature is impermanent. Every beings thinking, belief and behavior can be changing from time to time. Our personality and interests might be changing from time to time. We learn to accept all the changes as it is, and love ourselves and other beings as we are, as they are.

May all beings be free, be happy, be peaceful.

Om shanti.