Learn how to love oneself selflessly before anything else

Love that comes with attachment, craving and expectation will only bring pain to oneself and those whom one thinks one loves very much, but not really.

Love that is free from attachment, craving and expectation will bring peace to oneself, regardless of whether others love oneself, or not.

Only those who know how to love oneself selflessly, know how to love others selflessly.

Only those who are free from attachment, craving and expectation towards oneself, know how to love others without attachment, craving and expectation.

Those who love oneself and others selflessly don't need to receive love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation and companionship from others to feel good and meaningful about oneself and everything. They don't need others to love them for them to love others.

They love themselves and others as they are.

Those who don't know how to love oneself will try to do many things in order to please others, with craving and expectation towards giving and receiving love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation and companionship to and from others, in order to feel good and meaningful about oneself and everything. But then one will feel bad and meaningless about oneself and everything when all these names and forms are absent.

Those who know how to love oneself and others selflessly maybe doing many things for oneself and others, but it's not about pleasing oneself and others, so that oneself and others will feel good and meaningful through giving and receiving love, acceptance, acknowledgement, appreciation and companionship among one another.

This is the yoga practice, to realize selfless loving kindness beyond chemistry influenced conditional passionate sensual feelings of love.

Those who know this, are free.

Live in the present, respect the world and life as it is

"Live in the present, respect the world and life as it is, free from craving and aversion, all this is impermanent and it's not 'I'."

Being free from attachment and identification with the selfless function and condition of the physical body and the thinking mind, as well as all the mind perception of names and forms of pleasant/unpleasant life experiences with all kinds of desirable/undesirable relationship with beings and objects, being undetermined by actions and the fruit of actions, respecting the law of nature of cause and effect, transcending the duality of good and bad, positive and negative, right and wrong, happiness and unhappiness, meaningfulness and meaninglessness, success and failure, achievement and non-achievement, praise and condemn, and absence of worldly passionate desire or expectation towards everything to be or not to be in certain way.

The disturbed/hurting mind is being disturbed/hurt by itself being ignorant towards itself. Restlessly being disturbed/determined by the desire of craving and aversion towards past experiences and future anticipation.

Know thyself and be free.

Huge amount of different kinds of yoga and meditation practice, teaching and sharing is nothing, if the mind doesn't work on freeing itself from ignorance and egoism, being determined by the mind perception of a worldly life existence with egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation towards the world and life to be or not to be in certain way.

Some people don't practice yoga or meditation and don't relate themselves with spirituality or humanity activism, but they are liberated minds being free from ignorance and egoism, performing actions selflessly in discreet without attachment and identification or expectation towards the actions and the fruit of actions, respecting the law of cause and effect, without desire/intention/ambition to change the world and life to be or not to be in certain way, respecting the world and life as it is.

Loving kindness?

Many people who think and believe themselves are 'unselfish kind and loving beings' would react and feel disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that they perceive or acknowledge as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', and they would express their 'concern' by expecting these 'unkind and unloving beings' would somehow be criticized or punished for being unkind and unloving, or be disciplined or trained to be (more) kind and loving.

But, 'loving kindness' is about how one's mind behaves or reacts with 'loving kindness' towards other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, that one's mind perceives and acknowledges as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', without being disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, without expectation towards how other people should and shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, understanding that all forms of 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior as well as one's mind's reaction of being disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's 'selfish', 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior and the expectation towards how other people should or shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, are all deriving from ignorance.

Loving kindness is really not about "How human beings should behave in the way that is loving and kind" or "Other people whom one's mind thinks and believes as unkind and unloving need to be (more) kind and loving" at all, but it's about "This mind being kind and loving, where this mind understands towards ignorance and the consequences of ignorance, of egoistic actions and reactions, and how this mind reacts with loving kindness towards other people's unloving and unkind actions and reactions under the influence of ignorance. Being undisturbed and unhurt by all the disagreeable/undesirable/unpleasant names and forms or experiences that the mind perceives through the senses. Without expectation towards other beings should or shouldn't behave in certain way. Without expectation towards the world must be in certain way, or not to be in certain way."

When the mind is disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's unloving unkind actions and reactions, loving kindness is absent in this mind as well, then how could this mind criticize other minds for being unloving and unkind, and expect other minds to be loving and kind?

Non-attachment and dispassion is true loving kindness, but somehow this observation is being perceived and acknowledged by the world of egoistic minds as a form of 'lack of loving kindness', 'unconcern', 'uncaring', 'selfish' and 'wrong'.

It's everyone's freedom for what they think and believe, for how they act and react. In yoga, it's never about 'how the others behave', but it's about 'how this mind behaves'.

Contemplate on this, and be free.

Learn how to free the mind from all kinds of disturbs or hurts

When a mind/person feels disturbed, unhappy, angered, disappointed or hurt by something, usually the impulsive reaction will be expecting some kind of sympathy or empathy from other minds/people, and looking forward to be comforted, loved, looked after, acknowledged, or supported by other minds/people. And most minds/people would also think and believe that that is how people should react towards other people's state of minds that are disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed or hurt, to be there to be listening to what they think is disturbing their minds and comforting these suffering minds/people by showing them love, care, acknowledgement and support, to be sharing and lessening their 'unhappiness' or 'suffering', in terms of generating a 'loving kindness' society/community. There's nothing wrong with that and it might give the troubled/disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt minds certain degrees of relieve, to feel better, but it doesn't help them to be free from the root cause of the suffering from disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. Instead, most probably it might be unintentionally empowering or feeding the attachment, clinging, craving or expectation in people’s mind.

Just like giving sugary fizzy drinks to the unhappy kids might make them feel happy, but they would crave for more sugary drinks to make them feel happy. As once the craving is being gratified, it would only intensify the craving. And if their craving is not being gratified, they would be more unhappy. That's not freedom at all.

There's clinging, craving and expectation towards receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, even though there's nothing wrong with receiving sympathy, empathy, love, affection, care, acknowledgement, or support from others, as this is what most worldly minds/people believe and expect the society/community/family/relationship/friendship should be, but the mind is not free. If for some reasons, the mind doesn't get what it thinks and believes it deserves to be getting from others, it will be more disturbed/unhappy/angry/disappointed/hurt and would do things that would hurt itself and/or others. This is not freedom.

As well as most egoistic minds would want to feel that they are needed by others to feel good and meaningful about themselves and their life existence, that they are capable to give and show love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support to others who 'need' them. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, just that these minds would feel bad or meaningless if for some reasons they think that they are not needed by some others, or when they think that other people do not appreciate what they give. This is not freedom.

Only those who can go beyond worldly thinking and belief can penetrate the real meaning of this teaching and practice. It doesn't mean that everyone in the society will become 'cold', 'heartless' or 'lack of sympathy/empathy', but the minds are free from clinging, craving or expectation towards receiving the 'deserving' love, care, affection, sympathy, empathy, acknowledgment and support from others to feel loved, cared, worthy, comforted, acknowledged or supported, to feel good and meaningful, by knowing what is going on in the mind and be free from ignorance and egoism, and thus, be free from all kinds of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts. One doesn't need anyone to be there to be listening to one's 'troubles', 'unhappiness' or 'hurts', to be 'comforted', as there's no trouble, unhappiness or hurt existing in this liberated mind. One also can give and show sympathy, empathy, love, care and support to others without the attachment, identification, craving, intention or expectation in order to attain good and meaningful feelings towards oneself or one's life existence. That is true freedom and compassion.

Yoga practice such like cleansing technique, breathing exercises, yoga asana exercises, chanting, prayer, or concentration practice, can also give the effects of relieving certain degrees of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment or hurts in the minds, but again, it doesn't stop the mind from continuing be disturbed, unhappy, angry, disappointed, or hurt by something that they don't like, don't want and don't agree with, that they think is bad, wrong, disturbing, unhappy, frustrating, disappointing, or hurtful, if the mind is not free from ignorance, egoism and impurities.

Those who truly want to learn and practice yoga, it's not about doing some forms of yoga practice to be getting some conditional and impermanent physical/mental/emotional benefits or getting some momentary relief from what they think is painful suffering, but they learn how to free the mind from the root cause of all kinds of suffering, of disturbs, unhappiness, anger, disappointment, or hurts.

Naturally, the society will have more physical/mental/emotional healthy minds/people, where the minds/people realized unconditional love from within, know how to look after themselves and love others unconditionally, being free from clinging, craving, aversion or expectation.

But not many minds/people would understand and appreciate the greatness of this freedom. Most minds/people believe in and want a society/community/family/relationship/friendship that builds on 'needing each other' all the time to feel love, good, happy and meaningful, and to feel less lonely or to escape loneliness. That's how people are being taken advantage by others who have selfish intention being in a relationship or friendship. Even in the world of yoga, some yoga teachers or so called 'gurus' take advantage of the yoga students for their vulnerability when the students longing or expecting to be receiving comfort, sympathy, empathy, kindness, love, care, affection, acknowledgment, or supports from the yoga teachers or 'gurus'.

It's everyone's freedom for what they think or don't think, believe or disbelieve, want and don't want. People don't have to practice yoga of freeing the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, but just want to do some yoga practice regularly and engaging in social/community activities, to attain some momentary physical/mental/emotional benefits or relief, to attain some kinds of conditional and impermanent good, positive, loving, happy and meaningful feelings.

Work diligently to free the mind from ignorance, egoism and impurities, if one wants to attain or realize this freedom.

Expectation

Though it's just a simple word, 'expectation' is one of the greatest influence in the human minds towards almost all and everything in the impermanent and selfless life existence. It gives motivation, hope and the sense of achievement and meaningfulness to many people.

Expectation from oneself towards oneself, towards the physical and mental ability or achievement, one's effort and the outcome of one's effort, and all kinds of relationship/connection with different beings and things.

Expectation from oneself towards other people, the society, the environment, or the world, to be the way that how one would like it to be, that one thinks and believes how it should be, and not to be the way that one thinks it shouldn't be.

One might also being bound/determined by expectation from other people/the society towards oneself and unwittingly want to meet up with the expectation from other people/the society towards oneself, in order to earn liking, love, attention, respect, praise, compliment, agreement, acknowledgement, validation, glorification, admiration, support, friendship, companionship, and etc, from other people/the society.

To many people, 'expectation' is a positive necessity or important motivation for making progress/improvement or to excel in the life of human beings. People think and believe that human beings need to have certain degrees of expectation from oneself and/or others to push oneself and/or other people around to progress, improve or excel in everything of life, throughout the different life stages of childhood, adulthood, parenthood, middle age, old age, education, learning, building social network, friendships, relationships, career, family, or contribution towards the society, the world, or life existence, and so on.

To those who see the truth of the mind perception of a worldly life existence that is impermanent and selfless, 'expectation' is unnecessary when the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, as 'expectation' is merely part of the egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment and comparison that relates to restlessness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, unhappiness, frustration, anger, hurt, greed, fear and worry, which leads to the accumulation of physical and mental tension that gives rise to unnecessary tension/stress related physical and mental illness, unnecessary injury, abusive behavior towards oneself and others, family and relationships problems, social problems, and etc.

Those who have some basic correct understanding towards life existence that is impermanent and selfless, who know the ability and limitation of their body and mind, who are endowed with dispassion, non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving/aversion, non-judgment, non-comparison and intentionlessness, being unattached towards the actions and the fruit of actions, they don't need any 'expectation' from oneself and/or others to motivate or push them to perform necessary and wholesome actions, to do good or improve.

They don't have expectation towards other people, life, the society, or the world, 'hoping' or 'expecting' that everyone and everything to be in certain ways, but they just do their best according to the ability and limitation of the body and mind, make use of the available knowledge, skill and opportunity to perform necessary and wholesome actions through the body and mind for the well-being of oneself and/or others, but they allow the result of their actions or efforts to be there as it is, being undetermined by their actions/efforts or the fruit of their actions/efforts.

In the worldly egoistic thinking and behavior pattern, there is intention to inspire or motivate one to perform actions, then expectation towards the fruit of actions comes along. If the mind can realize the truth and be free from this worldly egoistic thinking and behavior pattern, that's a great liberation, even though the life existence of the body and mind is still bound by the law of nature - Cause and effect, impermanence and selflessness. If the mind doesn't realize this and is determined by this worldly egoistic thinking and behavior pattern, then one is not free, even though one can attain all the relationships and things that one would like to have in life, as one will always be disturbed/dissatisfied/disappointed by something that is not the way that how one thinks it should be, that one doesn't like, doesn't want and doesn't agree with.

Ask ourselves honestly about what is the motivation/intention that makes us think and feel that we need to have 'something' or 'someone'. And once we have that 'something' or 'someone', naturally we have expectation towards that 'something' or 'someone' to 'deliver' what we expect to be 'getting', to 'fulfill' or 'gratify' the motivation/intention/reason/desire of why we need or want to have that 'something' or 'someone'. What are we so afraid of if we don't have that 'something' or 'someone' being there existing in our life, or if we lose that 'something' or 'someone'?

"Do good, because it makes you feel good and happy."
"Give, and you will receive more in return."
"Do good, and goodness will return to you."
"Be nice to other people, other people will be nice to you too."
"I did this for you/I gave you this/I helped you, you should be grateful and thankful."
"I help you, you help me too."
"Be generous and help other people, and people will return your generosity and help."
"Pray to God, and God will bless you with what you desire."

"I like to help other people and contribute to the world, because it makes me feel that I am needed by other people, and that my existence as a human being has some usefulness and is meaningful."

Why not just be kind, be friendly, be generous, be helpful and be supportive, or just pray to God, without any intention/motivation/expectation?

Those who know, they will be kind/friendly/helpful/supportive towards all and everything according to one's ability, without discrimination of 'friends' or 'not friends', and there's no motivation/intention/expectation to be receiving something desirable/help/support/kindness/goodness/friendliness/friendships in return for being kind/friendly/helpful/supportive.

Those who don't know, there is fear. Fear of not getting what they want and fear of losing what they want or getting what they don't want. Fear of the unknown, nothingness, hardship, difficulty, boredom, loneliness, meaninglessness, helplessness, unloved, left-out, companionless, non-acknowledgement, and so on. There's is this idea or thinking - "I deserve this and that in return for my efforts/kindness/helpfulness/friendliness/generosity/contribution."

"I want to be good enough for myself and other people. I want to be able to accept myself being the way that I want myself to be, and I want other people to accept me being the way that they want me to be." But why do we think that we need to be good enough/be in certain ways in order to be accepted by ourselves, or other people, or the society, or the world? We don't have to.

Those who know the truth, who realized unconditional love and peace, being free from ignorance, egoism and impurities, or being free from attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, longing, judgment, comparison, expectation, boredom, loneliness, meaninglessness, depression, dissatisfaction, disappointment, unhappiness or suffering, they don't need to do something, or be someone, or have something, to make them feel good, happy, confident, meaningful, thankful or grateful. All their actions are pure actions being performed out of compassion and selflessness.

Be free.

Be free from feeling being intimidated, offended, disrespected, belittled, insulted, unloved, and etc

If the mind feels being intimidated, offended, disrespected, belittled, insulted, unloved, and etc, by what it experiences/perceives, it's coming from the mind itself reacting in such way towards the perceived names and forms that the mind recognized/categorized as intimidation, offensiveness, disrespectfulness, belittling, insulting, unloving, and so on. It's not coming from the names and forms that the mind perceives/experiences through the senses.

This conditioned reaction is due to the egoistic impure mind is functioning under the influence of pride and arrogance and expectation. The ego doesn't like or doesn't want to come in contact with the unpleasant/undesirable/'hurtful' experiences of what the mind recognizes/categorizes as intimidation, offensiveness, disrespectfulness, belittling, insulting, unloving, and so on.

The ego thinks and believes and expects that it deserves certain kinds of treatment/interaction and doesn't deserves certain kinds of treatment/interaction.

"I don't like this. I don't agree with this. I don't want this." and "I think/believe/expect/want all beings/humans/people should think/believe/react/behave like this and shouldn't think/believe/react/behave like that."

It's the prideful/self-assured/self-glorified ego that feels being intimidated/encouraged, offended/pleased, disrespected/respected, belittled/flattered, insulted/praised, unloved/loved, and etc. When the ego is annihilated, all these qualities of names and forms vanished.

The mind doesn't need to feel/react in such way and just allows all the perceived experiences/names and forms to be there as they are. There's no intimidation, offensiveness, disrespectfulness, belittling, insult, unloving, and etc, if the mind is free from egoistic pride, arrogance and expectation. Other beings/humans/people are just behaving in the way that they want to behave, and their behavior is their own responsibility and freedom of actions.

Why allowing other people's thinking/belief/reactions/behavior to determine one's state of the mind or reactions? Especially if one thinks and strongly believes that oneself is all good and righteous and didn't do anything bad or wrong, but one is suffering/unhappy/disturbed by other people's thinking/belief/behavior that one thinks/believes/perceives/recognizes as bad/wrong/negative/hurtful.

If the mind still couldn't understand this and feels annoyed/offended by this teaching, then this mind doesn't need to practice this teaching. It's the freedom of this mind of how it wants/doesn't want to think/believe/react/behave.

The minds that are not free from ignorance and egoism, that are not free from pride/arrogance/superiority/self-assurance/self-glorification/expectation will always easily be disturbed/offended/intimidated/belittled/hurt/insulted by anything, at anywhere and anytime.

Those who have realized the magnificent of oneness/non-separateness beyond all the different qualities of names and forms, will not spend even a tiny drop of attention/interest/effort/energy onto all these worldly names and forms of thinking/belief/behavior/reaction generated/sprung from ignorance and egoism. There's no difference between intimidation and encouragement, offensive and pleasing, disrespectfulness and respectfulness, belittling and flattering, insult and praise, unloving and loving, and so on. There's neither craving nor aversion towards all these qualities of names and forms.

If the mind tries to ignore or deny the names and forms that the mind perceives as bad/wrong/negative/unpleasant/meaningless, but it doesn't stop chasing after or clinging onto the names and forms that the mind perceives as good/right/positive/pleasant/meaningful, then this mind is not free yet. Though that is the freedom of this mind to be what it is.

One doesn't need to stand there to allow/receive treatments/behavior/interactions that are abusive coming from ignorant impure minds. One can move away or stay away from ignorant minds and ignorant behavior, to conserve energy, to not waste energy into dealing/affliction/conflict with ignorant minds and ignorant behavior. Just like standing under hot sun for more than certain time will burn the skin badly, one moves away from the hot sun and takes shelter under the shade. It's ignorance to think, "I am practicing non-attachment and non-reaction, I should stand here under the hot sun even if it will burn my skin."

Be free.

The connection between low self-esteem and parenting

There's a huge connection between low self-esteem and the way of the parents bring up their children.

Low self-esteem is a form of mental illness. And there are quite many of the world population are suffering from some forms of mental illness, especially low self-esteem.

The main element that contributes to low self-esteem is the family brought up of how the parents bring up their children, where people are being influenced by the trends of the society on how they bring up their children, where the society emphasize on appearance, performance and achievements to be the important values of self-development individually and as part of a society.

People feel that they need to look and behave and carry themselves in certain ways so that they will be accepted and respected by the family and the society. Their perception towards themselves of what they think is who they are and their life existence is very much being defined by their appearance, performance and achievements that is determined by the expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment and criticism from themselves and other people towards them.

Proudness is the shadow that follows low self-esteem. If low self-esteem is absent, proudness doesn't exist.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem need to feel proud of oneself. This is mainly the responsibility of how their parents brought them up. The parents have expectation towards their children and whether they are aware or unaware, whether intentionally or unintentionally, they are influencing the thinking and belief of their children to become the person that they want them to be and the way that they like it to be, and the way that they think is good for their children. They try to motivate their children to be they way that they like them to be by giving them praise and compliment, and they try to demotivate their children to be the way that they don't like it to be by giving them criticism and punishment. There's always assessment and judgment coming from the parents towards their children for how they look and behave, how they perform physically and mentally, and what they achieve or can't achieve. They will be happy and be nice to their children when their children fulfill their expectation, that they behave and achieve something the way that they like it to be. They won't be happy or be nice to their children when their children didn't fulfill their expectation, that they didn't behave or achieve something the way that they like it to be.

The parents hope that their children are 'good' enough and be competent to be able to compete with other people in the society to excel among the others and to be able to fit in into the higher or better class of the society. They want their children to be successful to be respected by the society and live life meaningfully, according to their thinking and belief about what is success and live life meaningfully.

Many parents will say this to their children, whether they are aware or unaware of the consequences of their action and speech, and whether they really mean what they say, or not. But the children will take it seriously, even if the parents didn't really mean what they say.

"You need to have some sorts of expectation towards yourself to improve and be better. Set up your goal and expectation and strive to achieve your goal and expectation. Then you are considered successful and well-deserved lots of love and happiness and respect from everyone."

 "Good boy/girl! Well done! You make us so proud, mummy and daddy love you so much. Keep it up and be better and better."

"You are so bad and terrible. Can't make anyone proud of you. You don't deserve love from anyone. Mummy and daddy don't want you anymore. We are so disappointed in you."

"If you are like this, mummy and daddy don't want to love you. Look at your sister/brother/friend, they are so much better than you."

"If you achieve this result, we will give you this and bring you there. If you don't, we won't give you this or bring you there. Let you stay at home by yourself. We only bring your brother and sister."

"Say please and thank you, or else, I won't give you what you want."

"Come on, you can do better than this, and you will make everyone proud of you."

"Are you a good boy/girl, or not? This is not good enough, you can be better than this. If you are very good, then people will love you. If you are not good, then no one will love you."

This is how the parents nurture their children to grow up becoming people who suffer from all sorts of mental illness.

 

The parents never teach the children, "We love you unconditionally, as you are. Just do your best in whatever you want to do. It's good if you succeed. It's okay if you don't succeed. Do not let success and failure to determine you. You don't need cheers, motivation, encouragement, appreciation or acknowledgment from anyone to do your best in what you want to achieve. Do not let other people's agreeable or disagreeable reactions and their judgment of praise and criticism to determine you. It's needless to have pride and arrogance to be who you are, even if you are very good and successful. Accept and love yourself and everyone else unconditionally."

They always feel bad and dissatisfied with themselves towards the ability, performance and achievements of their physical body and their mind. They always feel that they need to compare and compete with other people, including their siblings, their spouse, their friends, their classmates, their colleagues, their neighbours, and anybody. There is an instinct to constantly judge their and other people's appearance, ability, performances and achievements to compare and compete with one another. They were being told by their parents to think and believe that they are always not good enough and will never be good enough, that they always have to be better than what they are now. They want to be loved by their parents and everyone, but they think they must first be good enough, and they always afraid of being not good enough for their parents and other people, even though they know they are good enough for themselves. They always longing for praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, especially the parents, siblings, friends and spouse. Or else, they will feel very dissatisfied, disappointed and depressed about themselves and their life.

It's so tiring to try to fulfill the expectation from their parents and the society and themselves, to be good enough that they can be proud of themselves in order to love themselves, and to please everyone expecting people will like and love and be nice to them, for their whole life, in the family, in love relationship, in friendships, in the school, in the workplace, or in the community. They are defined and determined by their actions and the result of their actions, and other people's reaction and treatment towards them to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not.

These children grow up without knowing how to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are, because their parents don't accept and love them as they are, and never teach the children to accept and love themselves and everyone else as they are. There's always some form of expectation to determine the presence and degree of acceptance and love.

Those who are free from low self-esteem don't need to feel proud of anything. They don't feel bad or dissatisfied about themselves for being what they are, as they are. They know what they can achieve and what is their limitation. But they are not defined or determined by their achievement or limitation to be who they are. They don't need praise and compliment, liking, support, agreement and acknowledgement from anyone. They are not affected or disturbed or determined by other people's expectation, opinion, commentary, judgment or criticism towards them. They are not determined or affected by their actions and the result of their actions. They don't need to be good enough the way that how the world think and believe as good enough in order to love themselves. They love themselves as they are, and they love everyone as they are.

This is the essence of yoga.

There are yoga practitioners including some yoga teachers are not free from the suffering of some forms of mental illness, and it's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed about if the mind is not free. Everyone takes their own time to practice and realize the truth and be free.

Be free from ignorant expectation that leads to unnecessary disappointment

All disappointments derived from expectation. Just like any kinds of feelings and emotions, disappointment is also part of the selfless impermanent modification of the mind, and it's not 'I'. While some minds can get over disappointment easily and move on, or hope for better and be driven to strive harder, but there are many minds couldn't get over it, being hammered by huge/repeated/continuous disappointment, and might fall into a state of low self-esteem or depression, affecting one's physical and mental health as well as one's relationships with everyone in life.

Most people think and believe that all human beings need to have some sorts of expectation to motivate and push themselves in everything that they pursue to attain great achievements and to be continuously improving.

In yoga, expectation is merely part of the egoism derived from ignorance, and it is truly unnecessary. When the mind is free from egoism, there's no need to have expectation to motivate or push oneself to be good and be better, or to achieve something. One just do one's best to perform all actions and allow the result of the actions to be what it is, without being determined by the actions or the result of the actions to be 'I', to be happy, and to feel proud and meaningful, or not.

There's no disappointment when the result of the action is not as good as what we think it should be. There's no pride and arrogance when the result of the action is as good as, or even better than what we think it should be.

There's nothing wrong when people feel disturbed, or offended, or disappointed by other people didn't response to their 'friendliness' and 'kindness' the way that they think how it should be, or when other people are not interested to have any social interactions with them. But, this is truly unnecessary.

When we practice yoga, we allow everyone to be what they are, without expecting everyone should be 'good' and be 'warm' and 'nice' to all other beings, or to 'I'. We don't expect everyone should behave in the way that we think all human beings should behave, or they shouldn't behave in the way that we think they shouldn't behave. We respect everyone as they are, that different people are being different from us and everyone else. But, there are many 'good people' in the world have expectation towards how other people should and shouldn't behave, and be disappointed and disturbed when other people don't behave in the way that they think they should behave, and when they behave in the way that they think they shouldn't behave.

If we have expectation towards how other human beings should and shouldn't behave or interact with the rest of the society, we will be very disturbed and disappointed, when we think and believe that all human beings should be 'socially active' and be 'warm' or 'nice' to each other, especially to 'I', but there are people who are not 'socially active' and didn't have the intention of being 'warm' or 'nice' to other people, especially to 'I'. This disappointment is truly unnecessary, and it's derived from our own ignorant expectation. And we judge these people's way of life or behavior as 'bad and 'wrong', because we think everyone should somehow be active to be 'social interacting' with other human beings in a way that we think is 'good' and 'right'.

When the mind is free from ignorance, we will know that there is nothing bad and wrong in other people for being socially inactive, or didn't have initiative or interest to be 'warm' or 'nice' to other people, especially to 'I'. We won't be disturbed or disappointed by other people who keep to themselves and are not actively sociable, or they don't particularly do something that we think is 'warm' and 'nice' gestures.

When other people didn't have intention to disturbed or hurt us, didn't interfere with our thinking and believe, didn't criticize our way of life and behavior, and didn't intentionally do or say something that is 'not nice' to us, and allow us to be what we are, then even though they didn't do anything 'extra' that we think is 'warm' and 'nice' to other people, or to 'I', they are already being very 'good' and 'kind' and 'nice' to us.

We, whom we think we are 'good people' and better human beings than other people whom we disagree with their thinking and belief, their way of life and behavior, that we think is 'bad' and 'wrong', and we go around judging people and interfering with other people's thinking, belief, ways of life and behavior that we don't like and disagree with, we are actually the ones who are being 'not nice' to other people. And we get more disappointed when other people didn't show gratefulness and thankfulness and appreciation towards our 'warm' and 'nice' gestures to them, as we expect other people should be grateful and thankful and appreciate when we are being 'warm' and nice' to them. This is complete ignorant thinking, and it's truly unnecessary.

Meanwhile, there are people in the world who are 'socially active', and are 'warm' and 'nice' to other people all the time, especially to 'I', but at the same time, they might do and say something that would disturb or hurt other people, and interfering with other people's thinking and belief and way of life, judging and criticizing and complaining about other people, whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes in front of people, and many other times, behind other people's back.

Be grateful and thankful that there are people who keep to themselves and don't disturb other people's life and leave us alone, that allow us to be free to be who we are, how we think, what we believe, how we live and behave, that even though they are not intentionally or particularly being 'sociable', or 'friendly', or 'warm', or 'nice' to us, but at least they didn't be 'cruel' or 'not nice' to us, or they didn't disturb and hurt us.

Allowing people to be 'warm' and 'nice' to other people, or not. If people want to be 'warm' and 'nice' to us, we receive with gratitude and appreciation. If people don't have the initiative or interest to be 'warm' and 'nice', let them be. It doesn't mean that they are not good or they are bad people. Be compassionate and understanding.

It's everyone's freedom for what they want to think and believe and behave, and how they act/react and feel. If people want to have expectation, that's their freedom. If people feel disappointed towards something due to ungratified expectation, that's also their freedom.

Be free.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation

It's common for someone to feel hurt, dissatisfaction and disappointment in a love relationship. That is because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don't.

When we think we are hurt, dissatisfied and disappointed because of his/her bad treatment to us or wrongful behavior, we will do and say things that would hurt/attack this person in the relationship with us. We would go behind his/her back complaining about him/her for this and that, telling other people, especially our family and friends about how bad he/she is. Meanwhile, we keep telling ourselves and other people, "I love him/her so much. I am so good to him/her. How could he/she do this and didn't do that, to me. He/she doesn't love me. I feel so disappointed and hurt."

'Hurt' doesn't exist if we truly love someone. If we truly love him/her as he/she is, we won't do and say things that would hurt him/her even though he/she doesn't love us and isn't nice to us. We won't expect him/her to treat us or behave in certain ways. He/she has the freedom to love us, or not, and to be nice to us, or not. And we have the freedom to decide whether to continue this relationship, or not, without feeling hurt or disappointed.

If we ever feel 'hurt' by someone whom we think we love very much, it actually tells us that we don't really love that person, but we only love our selfish desires of what we like and want. The fact that we feel dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt is because our selfish desires are not being gratified from loving the one whom we think we love very much. We are dissatisfied and disappointed is because we are not getting what we like and want, but we are getting what we don't like and don't want. It's not because he/she is bad or wrong. It's not because he/she doesn't love us or isn't nice to us.

To fall in love with someone is not so difficult, but, to truly love someone beyond selfish desires, is very rare.

The realization of "I think I love you and I want to love you, but I realized I don't really love you because I don't love you as you are." allows us to be free from the corrupted thinking and feeling of "I am disappointed and hurt by the one whom I love very much." Instead, we question ourselves, "How could I demand anything from you or expect you to love me and be nice to me while I don't really love you?" and "If I really love you, I won't demand anything from you and won't expect you to love me and be nice to me. I'll love you as you are, no matter you love me, or not, and want to be nice to me, or not."

This will free us from dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt, even though the person in the relationship doesn't love us or isn't nice to us. Meanwhile, even though we love someone very much, as he/she is, we don't have to allow someone who doesn't love us and who is not nice to us to take our love for granted, we can let go this person and this relationship.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation.

It's okay if we realize we don't love someone, as long as we are aware of it and are being truthful and honest towards ourselves and the one whom we think we love, but not really. And this confrontation with the truth allows us to truly love this person, by freeing ourselves from corrupted thinking and feelings.

The end of ignorance, is peace.

Be free.

Can't expect others to love us if we don't love ourselves...

Love ourselves is when we know how to free our minds from ignorance and all the by-products of ignorance. Being free from ignorance, we will know how to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and towards other beings who are not free from suffering due to ignorance.

It's nothing to do with self-pampering in pleasurable physical or mental enjoyments.

Although we might attain some fleeting satisfaction and happy feelings by regularly improving or upgrading our knowledge, professional skills, physical appearance, health and fitness condition, social and financial status, to attain higher quality of life or living standard, or by indulging in pleasurable physical or mental enjoyments, we might still be restless and be disturbed by impurities, if the mind is not free from ignorance and its by-products.

When the mind is free from ignorance, we do not expect others to love us, to feel being loved, but allow others to love us or not, out of their freedom.

We can't expect others to love us when we don't even love ourselves, or expect those who love us to love us in certain ways that we want them to love us, when we keep harming our body and mind with so much impurities derived from egoism, attachment, identification, desires, craving and aversion under the influence of ignorance, whether being aware of it, or not.

May all be free.

Feel disturbed for being mistreated?

If people want to be unhappy and upset when they think they are being mistreated, let them be. It's their freedom to feel how they want to feel.

Most minds are being conditioned to have expectation. They expect to be treated in certain ways and not to be treated in certain ways. They expect all beings should and shouldn't behave in certain ways, based on what they believe as the good way and the bad way, the right way and the wrong way.

Prideful mind thinks "I deserved to be treated like this, and I don't deserve to be treated like that" and feels disturbed for being 'mistreated' the way that it thinks it shouldn't be treated.

Low-esteem mind also thinks "I deserved to be treated like this, and I don't deserve to be treated like that" and feels disturbed for being 'mistreated' the way that it thinks it shouldn't be treated.

Ego-less mind lets everything and everyone to be what they are. There's no 'I' being treated nicely or badly, rightly or wrongly. There's neither 'deserve' nor 'don't deserve'. There's no right treatment or mistreatment, but only different types of treatments. There's no pride or low-esteem coming from attachment or identification with any qualities of name and form to expect to be treated or not treated in certain ways.

Go beyond all the attachment and identification with any qualities of name and form, and be free.

We are happy and peaceful as we are, regardless what types of treatment we receive from everyone. It's their freedom. But we are not determined by other people's freedom of thinking, action and speech to be happy and peaceful, or not.

If we expect other people should or shouldn't be treating us in certain ways, we will be very disappointed when we are not being treated the way that we think it should be. We are disappointed by our own expectation, it's not because other people didn't treat us nicely or rightly. We are not happy is because we are not getting the things that we like and want, or the way that we like it to be, and we are getting something that we don't like and don't want.

Even when someone gives us something that we like and want, but, not the way that we like it to be, we will not be satisfied or happy.

Om shanti.

Respect the law of impermanence, and be free...

If we truly know and respect the law of impermanence, there's no attachment, identification, expectation, craving and aversion towards all the names and forms.

We are aware of all the impermanent changes without being disturbed or determined by it, whether the changes are something that we like or dislike, want or don't want, agree or don't agree with.

There's no need to push away, or deny, or ignore the reality that we don't like or don't agree with.

We can do our best to maintain or to improve the good condition of names and forms, but without attachment, clinging, craving or expectation. We can do our best to minimize the risk of bad condition, but without attachment, aversion or expectation. We can do our best to make our life and the world to be better, but without attachment, identification, or expectation. It is not about try to control or change the reality to be the way that we like it to be. When impermanence strikes, we are peaceful as we are, being undisturbed, undetermined by the impermanent changes. As our peace, happiness, confidence, or sense of meaningfulness doesn't come from any qualities of name and form.

There's no clinging or craving towards the names and forms that the mind recognizes as good, beauty, positive, pleasantness, happiness and righteousness.

There's no aversion towards the names and forms that the mind recognizes as bad, ugliness, negative, unpleasantness, unhappiness and unrighteousness.

There's no dissatisfaction, disappointment, depression, anger, or fear towards all the unpleasant or undesirable condition and situation.

It is beyond acceptance as well. We don't have to force ourselves to accept the reality that we don't like or don't agree with, but we are not affected, or disturbed, or influenced, or determined by the reality that we like or don't like, agree or don't agree with.

Knowing that whether it is something good or bad, beautiful or ugly, positive or negative, pleasant or unpleasant, happy or unhappy, righteous or unrighteous, whether it is something that we like or don't like, agree or don't agree with, they all are impermanent. They exist, they change, and they will cease existing.

If we ever experience dissatisfaction, disappointment, depression, anger, or fear, it is not coming from the impermanent changes of all the names and forms, nor it's because of the reality is not the way that we think it should be, but it is coming from our own attachment, identification, craving, aversion and expectation.

If we have attachment, identification, craving, aversion and expectation towards the names and forms, and try to control or change the reality to be the way that we think it should be, then we will react with great dissatisfaction, disappointment, depression, anger, or fear, when the reality is not the way that we want it to be.

By reacting with dissatisfaction, disappointment, depression, anger, or fear, will not undo the reality that we don't want, nor change the reality to be the way that we think it should be. We can perform actions that are necessary to improve a condition or situation, but without attachment, identification, craving, aversion or expectation, and allow the fruit of our actions to be what it is, as it is, and be free.

Those who think they love yoga and meditation practice, and identify themselves as yoga and meditation practitioners, and those who identify themselves as yoga and meditation teachers, should know that this is the fundamental and essential teaching and practice of yoga and meditation.

Om shanti.

Introduction, briefing, or orientation before the yoga classes or yoga courses?

Generally, it is normal that in most occasions or courses, whether it is yoga practice, or fitness training, or educational and corporate training, there will be some sorts of introduction, or briefing, or orientation before the course starts, mostly it's about what the course is all about, what to expect from the course, whether it's the course format or structure, or the type of practice or training, or the qualification or affiliation that is related to the course, and the possible results or benefits that they are going to achieve at the end of the course.

If we truly know what yoga practice is about, then all these introduction, briefing or orientation (derived from the worldly idea of names and forms) are irrelevant to what yoga practice is.

Yoga is about training the mind to be free from ignorance and egoism to know the truth of the mind and the perception of names and forms, and be free from identification and attachment. It's about living in the present moment now, be free from the past experiences and future anticipation or speculation. It's about realizing the only existence is in the present moment now, that is full of uncertainties or impermanent changes that are not in the control of "I". It's about training the mind to be in the present moment now confronting with all the uncertainties of life existence, and to rise above the qualities of names and forms that is subject to impermanence.

If we believe in the existence of God, or the creator of the universe, God or the creator of the universe didn't brief us, nor explained to us about life before we came into this world of life existence, to give us some ideas or anticipation towards life experiences. God or the creator of the universe didn't tell us nor inform us about what is going to happen in our life, what are we going to become, how we should act and react, what type of life experience we are going to have, what to expect from this life existence, what are we going to achieve from this life existence, and so on.

We came to this world as we are. We learn as we are. We confront every uncertainty as it is in the present moment now. We learn from our own direct experience of coming in contact with suffering that derived from ignorance, egoism, attachment and expectation, for us to to let go of egoism, attachment, expectation, and to purify and control the mind, to know about the truth and to attain liberation.

As yoga practice is in the present moment now, it's not being prepared before hand in the past, it's not anticipation of the future. Confront every moment of existence that is impermanent and non-self, within this present moment with a calm mind that is free from being influenced or determined by the past and the future, free from identification and attachment, free from anticipation, speculation and projection, free from judgment, comparison and expectation.

It's training the mind to let go of the egoism, and perform all actions, practice, duties and responsibilities without attachment towards all these actions and renounce the fruit of actions. It is letting go of expectation towards the result or the fruit of actions or yoga practice, and allow the result or the fruit of actions or yoga practice to be what it is, without attachment, per-conception, projection, or anticipation.

It's training the mind to be in the present moment now, and allow all the uncertainties in the present moment now to be what they are with a calm and liberated mind.

If we apply the similar type of worldly commercial training procedure or technique into conducting any yoga courses, then this is actually going to the opposite direction against the means of yoga practice. It is empowering the ignorance and egoism by strengthening the worldly ideas and attachment, instead of eliminating ignorance and egoism by letting go worldly ideas and attachment.

Om shanti.

Love relationships - Want to love, and be loved?

When someone is in love with another person, it's natural that one has the 'desire' to be loved by that person, and if the other person also has the 'desire' to love this person, and to be in a relationship with this person, one 'expects' that being in a relationship means there should be 'commitment' among them towards each other, one starts to have the 'possessiveness' to 'own' the other person and the relationship, thinking that this person is in a relationship with 'I', this relationship belongs to 'I', this person is 'mine', this person should be faithful and loyal to 'I'.

One also has the great expectation that since 'I' love you so much, you should be loving me as much as 'I' love you, and expect the relationship to be the way that 'I' think it should be. And one gets so disappointed, upset and angry when the other person also have other 'desires' to be fulfilled, and those desires are nothing to do with 'I'. Anger, hatred and jealousy over-powering the 'love' that we think we have for the one who we think we 'love'. It clearly shows that we don't really love that person, but just want to possess him or her to be 'mine'. And if we don't get what we want, we are not happy and are very angry.

It also shows that we don't love ourselves either, as we are hurting ourselves with anger, hatred and jealousy. If we don't even love ourselves, how can we love another person 'properly', as we will expect that person will give us what we want that will make us feel loved and feel good?

It doesn't have to be like this.

We can just love, and let him or her to be free to be who he or she is, and let him or her go if that is what he or she desires.

If we know how to love without any selfish desires, expectation and possessiveness, we only wish the one that we love will be happy as he or she is, whether he or she loves us or not, or had loved us but not anymore, and whether he or she loves another person and not us. We are happy as we are, as we love unconditionally. Without expecting him or her to love us the way that we want it to be.

May all who desire to love another, or be loved by another, be free to love and be loved unconditionally.

When two people truly love one another, there is no 'commitment' that needs to be observed. There's no need to have faithfulness or loyalty. Naturally they will stay in that relationship, no matter they are being physically close to each other, or not.

By having expectation towards the one whom we think we love to be faithful and loyal to us, clearly indicates that we don't love this person actually. We only want to fulfill our selfish desire to be loved the way that we want it to be.

Falling in love with someone whom we like very much should be something sweet, content, joyful and happy, but it is not necessarily so, if we start to have doubts, jealousy, anger, disappointment, guilt, fear and worry being in that love relationship, as we attached to that love and the relationship, have clinging onto the feelings of love and sweetness, afraid of impermanent changes, or afraid of losing it, or afraid of some other people will come into the relationship and cause disturbance and destruction in that relationship, and so on.

So unpeaceful, anxious and restless to fall in love and to be in a love relationship, if we don't know how to love 'freely' without attachment and expectation. We are not free for loving someone, and the person whom we love 'very much' also is not free for being 'loved' by us.

 

Non-attachment, non-possessiveness and unconditional love in love relationships doesn't mean that one should be engaging in random love relationships with multiple lovers without responsibility, or encouraging one's partner to be engaging in unlimited love relationships with unlimited lovers. That is pure ignorance. It's about one can let go the loveless relationship with someone who doesn't love oneself, in peace, without feeling of hurts or disappointment, if one knows what is non-attachment, non-possessiveness and unconditional love, without encouraging ignorance and ignorant behaviors.

May all beings be free to love and be loved. 

Be happy.

How to stay detached in any relationships without intentions and expectations?

A question came to me after the yoga class. A student asked how do we stay detached in relationship and how to not having any intentions and expectations in the relationship?

The simplest answer is, simply by not having any selfish intentions (reasons) to be in the relationship and let go of any expectations (conditions of wants and don't wants) from the relationship or from the people who are in the relationship with us. Let the relationship being what it is, not because we want it to be the way that we want it to be, but to accept it as the way it is at the present moment now, from moment to moment. Everything will change due to impermanence. Allow changes to happen and accept the changes as it is.

We will be in disappointment and frustration if we have selfish intention for us to be in any relationships, such like want to have some friends to be there to share thoughts and feelings with us and to be there for us when we need help and support, or want to have a life partner to help us to fulfill our own ambitions or cravings to have a family and children, to share financial and responsibility matters, or want to escape loneliness by having one or many companions, and etc. This is incorrect mentality engaged with selfish intention to be in relationship with anybody and this will only bring us and the people who are in the relationship with us lots of tensions and unhappiness.

We will tend to have expectation towards the relationship and the people who are in the relationship with us. We expect something good and constructive from being in the relationship, such like having somebody there to listen to us, to support us, to share with us, to love us, to appreciate us, to agree with us, to pamper us, to make us laugh, to make us happy, to chase away the loneliness and emptiness in us, to attain intimate care, personal attention, support, respect, reliance, sense of self-worth and meanings of life existence, and etc.

We also expect the people who are in the relationship with us to be trustworthy, to have certain type of personality, to be nice to us, to love us the way that we like it to be, to be there for us whenever we need help and support, to be there to listen to us and share with us, and to be agreeable with our thoughts, actions and speech.

When the relationship and the people are not up to our expectations, we will be so frustrated, upset and unhappy, especially when they don't treat us or behave the way that we want it to be.

This is because we don't really love the people who are in the relationship with us. We only love the image that we created for them or projected onto them that comes from our own mind. We only love the things about these people that reflect what our own mind and ego like about. We are looking for satisfaction that comes from fulfilling our craving for love, care, intimacy, attention, companionship, approval, agreement, respect, appreciation, praise and support, which we hope to get from the people who are in the relationship with us.

We are actually fell in love with the people's thoughts, actions and speech that are agreeable with what our mind likes and dislikes. If the people say and do things that are agreeable to what our mind likes about, we will be delighted to be with these people and are attracted towards the personality and characteristic in them which we like. We thought that we have fell in love with these people, but actually we are just falling in love with the things or the qualities that we like about them. And all these things and qualities are subject to impermanence and changes.

When all these things changed into something that are not agreeable with what our mind likes, and are no longer the same as it used to be, we will stop loving these people and will have dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration and unhappiness in us. Sometimes the qualities in the people didn't change, but our own mind's likes and dislikes had changed. We don't like the things that we used to like before and are liking something else.

We are only in love with the things that we like and want. We don't really love the people as they are, and accept them as they are at the present moment now, from moment to moment. Such like if we love so much about somebody's appearance, physics, personality and the way that they present themselves, and we will be so disappointed and frustrated when all these things have changed into something else that are different from what it was and that we liked.

We always look at the qualities in the people to determine whether we love them or not. If the people say things that we like to hear, do things that we agree with, and treat us the way that we want it to be, then we will "love" these people. And when the people say things that we don't like to hear, do things that we don't agree with, and didn't treat us the way that we want it to be, then we will not "love" these people anymore.

This is not love. This is selfishness. We only love ourselves for what we like and how we want to feel. We are looking for some sort of satisfaction that come from the relationship hoping that it will chase away the discontentment in us. Or hoping that it will fill up the incompleteness in us to make ourselves feel more complete.

True love is unconditioned and unlimited. It is accepting and loving the people as they are, how they are, where they are and what they are, at the present moment now. We love them as they are, whether they treat us the way as we want it to be or not, whether the things that we like about them have changed into something very different or not, and whether they say and do things that we agree or not agree with.

True love is out of compassion, not out of selfish intention. It is without attachment, without expectation, without craving and aversion. It is not influenced by what the ego likes and dislikes, wants and doesn't want.

We need to be selfless to know what is love.

We need to be truly compassionate to know how to really love ourselves and love others unselfishly.

When we complain about the people whom we love, that they don't love us, we should ask ourselves, do we really love these people? Or are we loving the qualities of what our mind likes about them and are in love with the perfect image of the people that we created for them, and are having selfish expectations towards these people of what they can give us and how they should treat us or behave the way as we want it to be?

If we truly love somebody, there won't be any disappointment and dissatisfaction, even when these people don't love us at all, don't agree with us, are not in a relationship with us, don't like us, don't support us and don't care for us. We will still love them unconditionally, without possessiveness, without judgment or expectation.

Only when we know how to love ourselves and be compassionate towards our own self, able to accept ourselves as we are and forgive our own imperfection, then we will know how to love other people unselfishly, unconditionally, unlimitedly, and will be ready to be in any relationships that will flourish and bring positive progress in our personal growth and spiritual evolution.

All relationships are there to help us to learn about our own self of who we really are and how to accept ourselves and other people as we are, at the present moment now, from moment to moment.

It doesn't matter if the relationships turn out to be very sweet or turn out to be very sour and bitter. We will learn the greatest lesson in life existence about what is unconditional love, selflessness, compassion and non-attachment. Relationships are like a mirror for us to take a look at our own self. We will see our own self in the relationship about whether we are pure or impure, whether we are selfish or selfless, whether we are patient and tolerant, whether we are compassion, and whether we are free from craving and aversion, judgment and expectation.

When the relationship is sweet, we appreciate it without attachment, without craving and clinging. When the relationship is sour and bitter, we observe and accept the truth as it is without attachment, without aversion and let it go peacefully.

Real relationship does not build on the intention and expectation of hoping that the relationship can satisfy our endless craving for love and satisfaction. It is not based on what our mind likes and doesn't like, what our ego wants and doesn't want. It should be free from any selfish intentions and expectations.

Without intention, we give and share. Without expectation, we give and share. Without discrimination, we give and share. Without selfish desire, we give and share. Without attachment, we give and share. Like the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space. All relationships should build on these selfless compassion, and not build on what the ego wants and doesn't want, and are not being influenced by the craving and aversion in the mind.

Non-attachment doesn't mean that we don't get into any relationships and keep away from everybody, or retreat from the world, or don't care for anything.

It is about being in the relationship without judging ourselves, the relationship and the people who are in the relationship with us, and not let the relationship to determine our confidence and happiness. Knowing that true confidence and true happiness are not coming from any relationships nor attaining all the names and forms in the world. True confidence and true happiness is there when we know who we really are and when we know the truth of what is real and unreal.

It is about being in the world but not being disturbed, nor affected, nor influenced by the world.

It is about not being attached to whatever our mind perceives through the senses of what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think.

It is about not being attached to what our body can do and cannot do. Not being attached to the condition and limitation of the physical body. Not being attached to the state of the mind. Let the mind be the mind, we are not the mind, the mind is not us. We are the awareness that is witnessing, or knowing, or being aware of what the mind is experiencing at the present moment now.

It is about non-identification with the doer of the actions of giving or receiving.

It is about intention-less and non-expectation.

It is about selflessness and compassion.

It is about non-judging and non-comparing.

It is about being at the present moment now, letting go of the past and the future. Not to let the past experiences or memories and the future imaginations to influence us about the present moment now.

It is about letting go of the selfish ego and letting go of fear and worry. We perform all our duty and responsibility without expectation for the fruit of action but surrender to the universal consciousness to take care of the result.

It is about knowing the truth and are able to accept the truth as it is without judgment, comparison and expectation, without craving and aversion.

May all be happy whether being in a relationship or not being in any relationships at all. The most intimate and important relationship in this life existence is being comfortable with our own self. When we know how to be comfortable with our own self and are compassionate towards our own self, then only we can be comfortable in any relationships with other people or animals, or have a harmonious relationship with nature or with everything else in the entire universe.

When we are comfortable with our own self and accept ourselves as we are, then only we will be comfortable being anywhere, doing or not doing anything, and be comfortable with everyone and everything in the world.

At the end, there is no relationship at all. Relationship dissolves when there is no more separateness of us and the entire existence of names and forms. Everything and everyone is not separated from "us". There is no more craving for love. There is no fear and worry. There is no bad beings or good beings. There is no more loneliness or emptiness. We are full and content. We are love and peace.

If we know what is performing all actions towards ourselves and others without intention, without expectation and renounce from the fruit of action, we will be free from the binding karma of cause and effect, birth and death.

Be happy.