It's not about can't let go, it's about don't want to let go

Many minds think, believe, and say that they can't let go or don't know how to let go.

It's actually they don't want or reluctant to let go. That's all.

"I am hurt and suffering. I don't deserve this. I want them/him/her/someone else to be hurt and suffer as well. They/He/She/Someone else deserve(s) this."

Similarly, in all kinds of unpleasant, undesirable, or disagreeable experiences/conditions/affairs/interactions.

If (it) is something unpleasant, undesirable, and disagreeable, if (it) is something hurting, if (it) is something burning hot, just let (it) go.

Can't really blame anyone or anything, if the mind doesn't want or reluctant to let go.

Be free.

When the mind is in a state of great disappointment and despair

When the mind is being over-whelmed by the continuous hammering of repeating dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, anger, grief, sorrow, or hurt, it's normal that the mind will be in a state of great disappointment and despair, where it is lost, doesn't know what to do with itself and life existence anymore, where it doesn't care about its own well-being, not to say, to care for the well-being of others, where life, or continuing living seems to be meaningless no matter what, where it is under going a state of exhaustion or burnout dealing with certain prolonged challenging, difficult, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful, sorrowful, unpleasant, undesirable, and disagreeable affairs in its personal life, and/or in the world.

When that is happening, the mind needs to have the initiation of wanting to be free from that state of the mind, and have the basic ability to help itself,  which is by reminding itself, that all these are impermanent. It will pass away eventually, without judgment or expectation.

Then the mind can try to move the attention away from all that, to be focusing on something else. Such as taking a rather long 'leave' from certain worldly duty and responsibility, or from study, or from work, or from family, or from a relationship, or from friends circle, or from the community, or from the social medias, and go travelling somewhere, and learning new things, not for building more new friendships or relationships, or to achieve something and be successful, but merely to be focusing on oneself, alone, for a prolonged period, not just for a short few days or few weeks.

The mind can also try to restore or boost its energy level by engaging in a more 'uplifting' lifestyle, such as engaging in certain gentle form (non-violence/non-aggressive way) of physical and mental fitness training activities, that involve twisting, forward bending, backward bending, side bending, inversion, balancing, and chest opening physical movements, and engaging in critical thinking mental training that involve attention, focus, and reasoning, as well as consuming a diet that can help to uplift the energy level, even if all these physical and mental effects are also impermanent, that can help to energize and uplift the state of mind for some time, but it's not the solution.

When the mind is able to divert its attention onto something else, and have a few moments of quietness and calmness, while regaining certain energy level through engaging in a more 'uplifting' lifestyle, then the mind can start to observe or look into all those challenging, difficult, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful, sorrowful, unpleasant, undesirable and disagreeable affairs/experiences/conditions/situations/events that the mind thinks and believes is the cause of its state of great disappointment and despair, to understand what is really happening in the mind, by standing as a 'third party' looking into its own modification or thought activities, and performs inquiry towards what is the real cause of the despair state of mind.

It requires certain degrees of independence, patience, forbearance, acceptance, determination, non-association, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, and non-expectation, for the mind to help itself to recover or come out from the prolonged energy exhaustion or burnout.

If the mind doesn't know how, or reluctant to help itself, and would rather to be continuing drowning in such despair state of mind, where it can't look after its own well-being, can't perform daily tasks for everyday living, can't think properly, can't eat, can't sleep, can't work, or can't enjoy anything, then that is its own freedom and desire.

That's why it's highly important for the minds to be developing certain degrees of independence, patience, forbearance, acceptance, determination, non-association, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, and non-expectation, before it comes to the point of 'drowning in great despair' upon dealing with too much over-whelming and hammering life experiences.

It's not about trying to help the world to be a better place. It's not about trying to be a good person. It's not about trying to be perfect or exceptional. It's not about running away from difficulties, duties and responsibilities. It's merely about do one's best to be looking after oneself.

When the mind is well or fit enough to be looking after its own well-being, then only it can look after its worldly duties and responsibilities, its family, its relationships, its friendships, its community, its study, its work, or the surrounding environment, properly.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Understanding the suffering minds and their disturbing hurtful behavior with compassion

The minds that are aware of the modification of the mind, they are capable of having correct understanding under the presence of compassion towards the many suffering minds that would behave, act and react in the way that hurt oneself and others or the surrounding environment, while not being determined or disturbed by the suffering minds and their hurtful behavior, action and reaction, understanding that these disturbing hurtful minds are behaving in such way because they are under the veil of ignorance, that they are actually in great suffering, even if from the appearance, these suffering minds seemed to be finding relief, pleasure and satisfaction through causing inconvenience, disturbance, hurt or damage to themselves and others or the surrounding environment, deliberately.

The minds that realized compassion, they just simply couldn't act or react in the way that would be intentionally hurting anyone through any disturbing, hurtful or damaging behavior, action or reaction that would be causing certain inconvenience, disturbance, hurt or damage to others, even under intense disagreement towards some others who are behaving, acting and reacting in the way that is deliberately causing inconvenience, disturbance, hurt or damage to others, out of great disturb, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, anger and hatred in them, due to ignorance.

Understanding that, such disturbing hurtful minds are actually drowning in great suffering due to ignorance, where these suffering minds are ignorant towards what is going on in themselves, but either wittingly or unwittingly, externalizing and expressing their suffering of all kinds of disturb, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, anger and hatred via such disturbing or hurtful behavior, action or reaction that hurt themselves and others or the surrounding environment, deliberately.

The minds that don't know this, are peaceless, being determined, disturbed, angered and hurt by all kinds of disturbing and hurtful behavior, action and reaction in the world.

The minds that know this, are resting in unconditional peace, regardless of the presence of all kinds of disturbing and hurtful behavior, action and reaction in the world. Not that they are agreeing with, ignoring, empowering or don't care towards disturbing and hurtful behavior in the world, or don't perform any actions that might or might not help the world to be a better place, but, simply because they know and understand towards the modification of the mind, the root cause of suffering and the veil of ignorance, or towards human beings' disturbing, destructive and hurtful behavior, actions and reactions out of suffering under the veil of ignorance. This is nothing to do with forgiveness or accommodation as well. One doesn't need to accommodate such ignorance. Neither there's a need to forgive. Merely there's no need to waste any energy on such ignorance.

Understanding towards the suffering minds with compassion while not being determined by their disturbing and hurtful behavior, doesn't mean that one shouldn't move away from such abusive situation and allowing oneself to be abused by such ignorant behavior or treatment repeatedly, encouraging such ignorance. It has to come from the ignorant minds themselves to be aware of the ignorance and their ignorant behavior, action and reaction, to be initiated to free themselves from ignorance, and to stop behaving, acting and reacting ignorantly.

Broken / complicated relationship involving third party?

Broken/complicated relationship involving third party is not something uncommon nowadays.

There might be different kinds of situation exist in any relationship. It doesn't matter what kind of situation, most people would think and believe and expect that two people should commit themselves to be loyal and faithful towards one another being in a 'committed' relationship, if oneself has no sincerity to be 'committed' and 'faithful' in a relationship, then just don't get into a relationship with anyone, as whether wittingly or unwittingly, oneself will cause 'hurts' to the other person in the relationship with oneself. But in many relationships, two people have love for each other in the beginning, and want to be in a relationship together, but after some time, the 'feeling of love' is less, or is not there anymore, where they don't feel love towards the partner anymore, and either they don't want to be in the relationship anymore, or they would want to look for the 'feeling of love' in other love affairs/relationships with other people.

For example, A and B is in a so called 'committed' relationship, while B is also having an open or secret love affair/relationship with C.

In such relationship that involved 'third party', most people would think that A is the 'victim', while B and C are the 'selfish and immoral' bad people that are hurting A. A should deserved sympathy and support from others, while B and C should be blamed and condemned for being 'selfish and immoral and hurtful'. But for those who understand 'love' and 'relationship', no one is being a 'victim' and no one is being 'selfish/immoral/hurtful' bad people in a broken/complicated relationship.

There's neither right nor wrong in 'love relationship' even if it's 'broken', whether with or without involving third party. It's just a relationship didn't turn out to be the way that most people desire/expect it to be, as well as there's no 'love' in such relationship. And there's nothing wrong if there's no 'love', or an expected relationship is non-existing, or a relationship is discontinued, for any reason.

If there's love in the relationship, the relationship won't be broken/damaged, it's either a relationship that continues or discontinued/came to an end, due to any reason, in peace. If there's love from oneself towards the partner, one will have loving kindness, self-control and decency to not commit in any behavior that would be 'hurtful' to the partner in the relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly. Even if there's 'feeling of love' in the relationship in the beginning, and the 'feeling of love' is impermanent, it will change and disappear. But, if there's love, then even though sometimes the 'feeling of love' is less, or not there anymore, one will still be kind to the partner in the relationship with oneself, and would not behave in the way that would be 'hurtful' to the partner, not because of the sense of 'commitment' or 'obligation' towards a 'committed' relationship, but out of loving kindness.

There's nothing wrong either if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry thinking and believing oneself is being 'a victim' of other people's unloving/unfaithful/hurtful/immoral behavior. Everyone has the rights and freedom to feel what they want to feel and react the way that they want to react. But then, one must also understand that if one feels hurt/disappointed/angry, it's because one doesn't really love the partner as he/she is, one only loves one's desire and expectation towards the partner and the relationship has to be in certain ways. One has desire and expectation towards the relationship and the partner to be in certain way, and when things turn out to be not the way that one desires or expects, when one is getting something that one doesn't like, doesn't want and doesn't agree with, and when one is losing what one likes (the relationship and the partner being in certain ways that one desires it to be), or what one likes (the perfect faithful loving partner/relationship) is no longer available, or is 'disturbed', or has changed into something else, that's why one feels hurt/disappointed/angry. It's not because the partner or the relationship is 'bad' and 'wrong' that cause the 'hurts/disappointment/anger' in oneself, but, it's because one doesn't love the partner as he/she is, but only loves what one likes/desires/expects.

It's how everyone/human beings/the untrained egoistic minds react towards 'ungratified desires' of "This is not what I like and want and expect.", or "I am not getting what I like and want, but I'm getting what I don't like and don't want." or "This is something wrong/bad/hurtful/undeserving happening to me."

If there's correct understanding towards 'love' and 'relationship', then there would be no hard/hurtful/bitter feelings where people can let go the relationship in peace, one won't see oneself as 'a victim of the unfaithfulness/betrayal of the partner in a broken relationship' or 'a victim of the intrusion of the lover of one's partner that causes my relationship to be broken'. And there's no blame or condemn towards the partner and the lover that they should be guilty for being 'the selfish bad people that cause this relationship to be broken/damaged'.

This is really nothing to do with whether the partner and his/her lover in the love affair/relationship are being 'selfish', 'unfaithful', 'disloyal', 'immoral', 'bad' and 'wrong', or not. It's about how oneself thinks, understands, feels and reacts being in such situation, where one's partner is involved in a love affair/relationship with another person.

If a person would commit in a love affair/relationship with another person other than the one in a relationship with oneself, whether wittingly or unwittingly, it indicates that this person doesn't really 'love' the partner. He/she loves it's desire for satisfaction. When he/she is not satisfied with his/her partner, when he/she is not getting what it desires/expects from the partner, he/she will be looking for something/someone else to gratify its desire for satisfaction, love, passion, pleasure, interaction, or lust. And that's common 'human's nature', or the normal behavior of the untrained minds under the influence of desires.

Everyone has the rights or freedom whether they want to love anyone, or don't want to love anyone, or stop loving someone, or having too much 'feeling of love' that needs to be shared with many people at the same time, or want to be in many different love affairs/relationships at one time, or whether they are satisfied/dissatisfied being in a 'committed' relationship with somebody.

If one truly loves the partner in the relationship with oneself, one will love this person as he/she is, even if the partner doesn't love oneself, or stop loving oneself, or being 'the god/goddess of love' who needs to 'love' as many people as possible. One doesn't need to be in a relationship with this person, to possess this person to be mine. One doesn't expect this person to be faithful and loyal, or expect the love from this person doesn't change, or won't disappear, or 'should be for me only'. One allows this person to have or don't have the 'feeling of love' for oneself, or stop loving oneself, or doesn't love oneself, or prefer to love and be with someone else. One can let go the person that doesn't love oneself, or let go a relationship that doesn't have 'love' or couldn't continue, in peace, and allow this person to love and be with other people that he/she loves.

One won't feel hurt/disappointed/angry towards the partner who doesn't love oneself or towards the relationship that is not the way that how most people would like it to be. Because if the partner loves oneself, then there's no need any expectation from oneself, without the sense of obligation to be committed and be faithful in a relationship with oneself, but out of loving kindness towards oneself, he/she will have self-control and decency, where he/she will not do anything that would cause 'hurts' or 'damages' to oneself or this relationship, not even behind one's knowledge, regardless of whether there's the 'feeling of love' existing, or not. One would know how to 'keep a respectful distance' with others who have the tendency to 'fall in love' with oneself, as one doesn't need to look for satisfaction in 'love affairs/relationships'.

One cannot expect 'love' from anyone, but allowing others whether to 'love' oneself, or not. One cannot expect how other people should love oneself or behave in a relationship, but allowing others to love us the way as they are. There's no such thing as "Once you love me and being in a 'committed' relationship with me, you will have to be forever faithful and loyal to me, and loving me only." And if, one realizes that the partner doesn't love oneself, one can choose to continue or let go the relationship, in peace, without bitterness. There's neither right nor wrong, either way.

There's even no need of 'forgiveness', if one truly loves the partner as he/she is, even if the partner is being unfaithful, as one is undisturbed/unhurt by the partner's 'unfaithfulness' at all, but would let go of him/her and the relationship. One doesn't feel bad about oneself or thinking that one is not good enough, if the partner doesn't love oneself, if one knows love.

Unfortunately, many people couldn't let go in peace, and be disturbed by hard/hurtful/bitter/angry feelings that doesn't help to make things better, and might do things that hurt oneself or the partner and the people whom the partner loves.

There's nothing wrong if one realizes that oneself doesn't love the partner, and one should be honest and straightforward to let this person knows that "I don't love you." or "I don't feel love for you." or "I don't want to be with you in a relationship." or "I want to be with someone else." This honesty won't hurt, if people are matured enough to understand 'love' and 'relationship'. But it would cause deeper 'hurts/disappointment/anger/hatred' by being untruthful to oneself and the partner, pretending that one loves the partner very much, but in truth, one doesn't love the partner, and one won't be satisfied being with that partner, and would try to find satisfaction in some other love affairs/relationships with other lovers. People who are matured enough would let go the person whom they love very much to be with the people whom this person loves, in peace. That's love.

When two people don't hurt one another out of dissatisfaction/disappointment/anger/hurts, then even though there's no 'feeling of love' from one or both of them, or they are not in a relationship, that's love. Where/what is love, if one or two people keep hurting each other out of feeling of hurts/anger/disappointment being in a relationship that is not the way that they like it to be?

If people are not matured enough to accept 'honesty' or 'the truth' in peace, when people whom they think they love very much are being honest and straightforward telling them that "I don't love you." or "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." or "I want to love and be with someone else.", then it's their own responsibility if they don't like that honesty or the truth, and react with feeling hurt/disappointed/angry for losing what they like and want, or not getting what they like and want, but getting what they don't like and don't want. And this relationship won't be peaceful and harmony anyway, even if they continue to be in a relationship, because they don't really love whom they think they love very much. There will be lots of 'tension' and 'unhappiness' derived from 'ungratified desires' and 'expectation' in this relationship all the time.

Be free, to love or be loved, or not.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation

It's common for someone to feel hurt, dissatisfaction and disappointment in a love relationship. That is because we think we love the person in the relationship with us, but we don't.

When we think we are hurt, dissatisfied and disappointed because of his/her bad treatment to us or wrongful behavior, we will do and say things that would hurt/attack this person in the relationship with us. We would go behind his/her back complaining about him/her for this and that, telling other people, especially our family and friends about how bad he/she is. Meanwhile, we keep telling ourselves and other people, "I love him/her so much. I am so good to him/her. How could he/she do this and didn't do that, to me. He/she doesn't love me. I feel so disappointed and hurt."

'Hurt' doesn't exist if we truly love someone. If we truly love him/her as he/she is, we won't do and say things that would hurt him/her even though he/she doesn't love us and isn't nice to us. We won't expect him/her to treat us or behave in certain ways. He/she has the freedom to love us, or not, and to be nice to us, or not. And we have the freedom to decide whether to continue this relationship, or not, without feeling hurt or disappointed.

If we ever feel 'hurt' by someone whom we think we love very much, it actually tells us that we don't really love that person, but we only love our selfish desires of what we like and want. The fact that we feel dissatisfied, disappointed and hurt is because our selfish desires are not being gratified from loving the one whom we think we love very much. We are dissatisfied and disappointed is because we are not getting what we like and want, but we are getting what we don't like and don't want. It's not because he/she is bad or wrong. It's not because he/she doesn't love us or isn't nice to us.

To fall in love with someone is not so difficult, but, to truly love someone beyond selfish desires, is very rare.

The realization of "I think I love you and I want to love you, but I realized I don't really love you because I don't love you as you are." allows us to be free from the corrupted thinking and feeling of "I am disappointed and hurt by the one whom I love very much." Instead, we question ourselves, "How could I demand anything from you or expect you to love me and be nice to me while I don't really love you?" and "If I really love you, I won't demand anything from you and won't expect you to love me and be nice to me. I'll love you as you are, no matter you love me, or not, and want to be nice to me, or not."

This will free us from dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt, even though the person in the relationship doesn't love us or isn't nice to us. Meanwhile, even though we love someone very much, as he/she is, we don't have to allow someone who doesn't love us and who is not nice to us to take our love for granted, we can let go this person and this relationship.

Seeing the truth in ourselves that is not necessarily what we would like it to be, is a great liberation.

It's okay if we realize we don't love someone, as long as we are aware of it and are being truthful and honest towards ourselves and the one whom we think we love, but not really. And this confrontation with the truth allows us to truly love this person, by freeing ourselves from corrupted thinking and feelings.

The end of ignorance, is peace.

Be free.

Seeking for love, attention, support, agreement, companionship, interactions, authority, name and fame?

Seeking for love, attention, support, agreement, companionship, interactions, success, authority, name and fame from the world of the mind perception of names and forms, is the play of the ego.

All these desires derived from egoism, to get rid of the perceptions or feelings of emptiness, meaninglessness, deficiency, loneliness and dissatisfaction.

Get rid of the ego, be free from egoism, realize selflessness, and all these longing and craving will disappear.

The one and only 'problem' that we 'have' if we think we have problems in this life existence, is the ego and egoism.

Once the ego is eliminated, actions are being performed without the influence of craving and aversion, selfish intention, desire and expectation of wants and don't wants, nor being determined by the result of actions.

The ego, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, greed, restlessness...

The untrained mind is never contented, or is ever dissatisfied and greedy. Out of pride and arrogance, the ego keeps telling itself "I deserve something better and more than this..." And what is that 'something'? The ego has no answer for that, as it also doesn't know what it is... It keeps looking for 'something' that doesn't exist in the present moment now, and it will never find it as that 'something' is beyond the present moment now and its own knowledge. So as dissatisfaction and greed. Forever restless.

Reform ourselves first, if we truly want to see reformation in the society...

Free ourselves from ignorance first, if we wish the world to be free from ignorant beings and happenings.

Have peace in ourselves first, if we want a peaceful world.

We cannot expect everyone else, except ourselves should be changing, so that we can have a better society that is free from ignorant beings and happenings, so that we can have a peaceful world to live in.

Out of pride and arrogance, we think that we are better human beings than others. We think that we are 'good' people, and we are angry with all the 'bad' people in the society. Thinking that everyone else except ourselves, are contributing and being responsible for the problems in the society or in the world.

The restlessness in us that comes from dissatisfaction, discrimination, anger and hatred towards other people's ignorance are in fact polluting the society and the world, not any less than those who we think they are responsible for all the 'problems' that we have.

Reform ourselves first, if we truly want to see positive changes, or reformation in the society.

If we, or every beings know how to 'clean up' and 'control' ourselves, the world will start to change. It is not about 'changing' others, or 'clean up' others, or 'control' others...

In tradition, whether in Buddhism, or Yoga teachings and practice, is all about 'reforming' or 'transforming' ourselves. We retreat ourselves from the world, or worldly affairs, to concentrate on our own 'reformation', remove ignorance and egoism, until we are free, and have peace. Being undisturbed, unaffected, uninfluenced, and undetermined by all the qualities of names and forms in the world, then only we can 'help' to bring certain awareness into the world to 'help' other beings to be free from ignorance and egoism, and attain wisdom, or correct understanding, and thus will have correct thinking, actions and speech. And so, the society will start to change or reform.

Om shanti.