Love dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally

Whether the past experiences were something good or not good, pleasant or unpleasant, happy or unhappy, desirable or undesirable, let them go.

Whether the future will be okay or not okay, let it be.

Do our best, perform all our duties and responsibilities without forcing ourselves beyond our limitation, and let go the fruit of action.

Live in the present, and whether this present is good or not good, this is also impermanent.

Live as we are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love everyone as they are, without attachment, identification, craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Love ourselves, be free from clinging and craving towards love and kindness from others. Allow others to love and be kind to us, or not.

If one knows how to take care oneself, which is taking care of one's mind and loving oneself, one can love others dispassionately, desirelessly, compassionately and unconditionally. One stops hurting oneself and others, especially those whom we think we love and whom are in a relationship with us.

Be free.

Children grow up without a father or a mother or both parents

Of course, it would be good if the children grow up in an environment that they are being loved and supported by both 'loving' parents.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, one of the parents is not there to love and support the children as they grow up, it would be good if at least there is a 'loving' father or mother being there to love and support the children.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, both of the parents are not there to love and support the children as they grow up, it would be good if they can depend on some other people's charity, love and support until they become independent.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, there's nobody being there to love and support the children as they grow up, that they have to depend on themselves and nature, it would be good if the children know how to love themselves and be independent without self-pity, self-blame and bitterness, no matter how difficult and harsh it can be.

If due to unforeseen circumstances, the children grow up in an environment where one or both of the parents or the care taker, is ignorant, unloving, selfish and abusive, it would be better if the children grow up without the parents or any care takers. Growing up in an environment surrounded by and under the influence of ignorant people with ignorant behavior can be worst than being alone not be surrounded by ignorant people with ignorant influences. Children grow up under the care of one or both of the parents are not necessarily well brought up to have the correct understanding of life and be free from unhappiness and suffering, who won't hurt themselves or other beings out of ignorance and egoism, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

If life appears to be challenging and difficult, most important is that one knows how to love oneself, and has peace and compassion. It's not a suffering or unfortunate if one grows up being abandoned or unloved or unsupported or being abused, if one has self-awareness and self-realization, be free from ignorance and egoism. There's no need of self-pity, self-blame, anger, hatred, envy, bitterness, defensiveness, offensiveness, fear or worry.

Being alone, by oneself, of solitude, is not something 'bad' or 'difficult' or 'hardship' or 'suffering'. It's indeed a great 'fortune' to immerse into the silence of solitude, of peace and compassion, being free from ignorance and egoism.

Many people are surrounded by some or many other people, of family and friends, but they are not necessarily peaceful and be free from suffering.

Be free.

We can't love all beings, but we can be compassionate towards all beings

It's okay if we can't love those whom we dislike and disagree with

It isn't 'wrong', or 'bad', or 'evil', if we have no love or sympathy towards certain beings whom we dislike and disagree with

We can't love all beings, but we can be compassionate towards all beings

Compassion has no room for discrimination, anger and hatred towards what we dislike and disagree with

Compassion allows all beings to have different qualities of names and forms and be different from one another

Compassion gives respect towards all kinds of different names and forms to be what they are

Compassion overcomes discrimination, separateness, ignorance and suffering

Compassion leads to peace in oneself

It's loving and being kind to ourselves even if our life, or the world is not the way that we like it to be

Do I love myself, unconditionally?

Whenever we think and feel that “I am hurt by this or that” we need to ask ourselves, “Do I love myself, unconditionally?”

If we love what we like and want more than loving ourselves as we are, then we will only be happy and satisfied when everything is the way that we like it to be, by having all our desires fulfilled. But when things are not the way that we like it to be, and we are not able to gratified our desires, we will feel hurt, unhappy and angry. This is because we don’t love ourselves as we are, as we are not able to accept ourselves as we are, being dissatisfied and disappointed with the reality that we don’t like, that we don’t want. We are hurt by our own dissatisfaction and disappointment towards ungratified desires or unfulfilled expectation towards ourselves and everyone else.

It’s really nothing to do with whether everything is the way that we like it to be, or not. Or whether other people love us, or not. Or whether other people treat us the way that we think it should be, or not. Or other people’s behavior is wrong and hurtful, or not.

Loving ourselves is different from selfishness. When we truly love ourselves, it’s not being selfish at all. It’s not about gratification of the desires of craving and aversion, or self-indulgence without restriction, but there is self-discipline, self-restriction and self-control to free the mind from being influenced or over-powered by egoistic desires of craving and aversion. It’s about being compassionate towards ourselves and everyone else. We stop hurting ourselves and others out of ignorance, selfishness and impurities.

May all learn how to love ourselves, unconditionally, and be free.

Solitude and Silence...

Silent retreat.

A period of solitude and silence to allow one to love oneself unconditionally.

Spend time with oneself, turning inward, quieting the mind, moving away from worldly passionate desires, clinging and cravings, to know oneself, to love oneself.

Though immerse in solitude and silence, one is not lonely or bored. In fact, one is full of peace and joy being independent on any external impermanent names and forms to be happy, confident and meaningful.

When one loves oneself, one will appreciate all the love, appreciation and companionship from other beings, but one doesn't dependent on the love, appreciation and companionship from others to be happy, or confident, or meaningful, or not. One also will love others without any attachment or expectation, as one doesn't need to depend on love, or appreciation, or companionship from others to be happy, confident and meaningful.

This is different from ego-centred love. Ego-centred love is when one only loves what one’s ego desires, likes and wants, but don’t know how to love oneself, or others. In this case, one loves oneself and others unconditionally.

If one doesn't love oneself, one is always looking, clinging and craving for love, appreciation and companionship from others to escape loneliness or boredom, or to be happy, confident and meaningful. One also will not know how to love others, as one will have attachment, clinging, craving and expectation towards others, as one is dependent on the love, appreciation and companionship from others to be happy, confident and meaningful. One will be dissatisfied and unhappy when the love, appreciation or companionship that one craves for is not available.

May all be free.

Love and Relationship

One might be in a relationship with another one, but there’s no love.

One might have love for another one, but there’s no relationship involved.

One might think and say to another one, “I love you.”

It will be true if it is unconditional and won’t change even though impermanent changes occur in everything and every moment.

It is not true if it is conditional and will change when impermanent changes occur in certain things and through time, with a mixture feelings of affection and love with anger, hatred, jealousy, unhappiness, hurt, dissatisfaction, disappointment, doubt, fear and worry.

One might think and feel that one loves another one, but the truth is, one only loves what one likes and wants. One doesn’t love the one whom one thinks one loves. Neither does one loves oneself.

There is only egoistic personal desires, craving and clinging onto what the ego likes and wants in most relationships that involve mixtures feelings and affliction.

Only when one is completely be free from egoism, then one knows how to love oneself and love another one, without egoistic personal desires, craving and clinging.

Most people have one or many relationship, but without love, they attach and cling onto one another for getting what each likes and wants. When either one or both didn’t get what they like and want, the relationship breaks apart.

When two beings are being together, without clinging or rely onto one another for gratifying personal desires, it is love that keeps them stay together naturally.

If one of the two beings in a relationship doesn’t have love, then there will be affliction arise in this being when one doesn’t get what one likes and wants from the relationship.

May all be free.

Something beautiful and rare...

When two people in a relationship have gone beyond egoism and attachment, personal cravings and desires, the relationship will be only joy and happiness. Such relationship is beautiful and rare.

Freedom in love relationship?

Freedom in love relationship is when our love comes to a point that we don't want anything from the one whom we love, but only wish him or her to be safe and happy.

Letting go...

The one who loves us will love us without us expect him or her to love us, or won't do anything that will hurt us. The one who doesn't love us will not love us, no matter how much we love him or her. We need to love ourselves and let go the one who doesn't love or appreciate us.

Om shanti.

Can't expect others to love us if we don't love ourselves...

Love ourselves is when we know how to free our minds from ignorance and all the by-products of ignorance. Being free from ignorance, we will know how to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and towards other beings who are not free from suffering due to ignorance.

It's nothing to do with self-pampering in pleasurable physical or mental enjoyments.

Although we might attain some fleeting satisfaction and happy feelings by regularly improving or upgrading our knowledge, professional skills, physical appearance, health and fitness condition, social and financial status, to attain higher quality of life or living standard, or by indulging in pleasurable physical or mental enjoyments, we might still be restless and be disturbed by impurities, if the mind is not free from ignorance and its by-products.

When the mind is free from ignorance, we do not expect others to love us, to feel being loved, but allow others to love us or not, out of their freedom.

We can't expect others to love us when we don't even love ourselves, or expect those who love us to love us in certain ways that we want them to love us, when we keep harming our body and mind with so much impurities derived from egoism, attachment, identification, desires, craving and aversion under the influence of ignorance, whether being aware of it, or not.

May all be free.

Anger and hatred in love relationship?

Some people came to this blog with the search word "Anger and hatred in love relationship"

If someone feels very unhappy, disturbed, or depressed being in a relationship, and has anger and hatred towards the partner by blaming his or her partner as the one who is responsible for his or her unhappiness, constantly thinking and believing that his or her partner doesn't love or care for him or her, or is being abusive towards him or her, at the same time, out of anger and hatred, he or she is constantly bitching about his or her partner to his or her friends, then there is something not quite right in this relationship.

If the partner is truly so bad and nasty, this person has a choice to step out from this relationship, move on and be free from all the unhappiness for being in that relationship with that partner. But then if this person tells himself or herself and other people, that he or she 'loves' the partner very much, and doesn't want to let this relationship go, then there is something really not right here with this relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being angry towards something that we don't agree with, don't like and don't want, but there's something not right if we have persistent anger, hatred and fear towards the person who is in the relationship with us, and we need to bitch about our partner. How can we say we love our partner very much when we bitch about him or her out of anger and hatred? This is not because our partner doesn't love us. But we don't really love ourselves and neither do we love our partner. We are unhappy, angry and hating is because we couldn't get the relationship the way that we want it to be, and we couldn't get our partner to behave and treat us the way that we like it to be. We didn't get what we like and want, but we are getting something that we don't like and don't want from being in the relationship. It's all about my desires, my happiness, my satisfaction, what I like and what I want.

It's like, "I love this relationship because it gives me certain things that I want, and I don't want to let it go. I also hate this relationship because I couldn't get some other things that I want for being in this relationship."

If the partner is truly so bad, doesn't love or care for us, and being in the relationship is so unhappy and disharmony for us, but for some reasons, out of personal interests or desires, we still want to be in that relationship or being reluctant to let go of the relationship, it shows that there is a problem, but it is not with the partner, it is with us.

Move on. If truly our partner doesn't love us, and is abusing and hurting us whether physically, or mentally, or emotionally. It's meaningless to continue to be in such relationship.

Move on. If life is so miserable by having this relationship, or life can be happier without this relationship.

If we realized that it is our own responsibility, and we think we love our partner, and we still want to be in the relationship, then we need to work on ourselves, learn how to love and accept ourselves as we are, without expecting the relationship or our partner to fulfill our desires.

Be happy.

Have I fully accepted and love myself as I am?

"Have I fully accepted and love myself as I am?"

If there's something that we don't like or 'hate' about ourselves, may it be the physical condition and appearance, or the state of mind, or the personality, or the physical and mental abilities and achievements, or the relationships with everyone, or anything that we think we feel dissatisfied and disappointed about ourselves, and we want or expect ourselves to be a human being, or a person, or something whom we are not, then we haven't know how to accept and love ourselves as we are, and we will also don't know how to accept and love others as they are.

We will always expect everyone and the surrounding environment to be exactly the way how we want it to be and how we believe it should be, or else we won't be satisfied or happy. And we will never be. It is not because there's something wrong or bad about everyone and everything, or they are not good enough, but, it is our own ignorance and the play of the egoism that make ourselves to be in the state of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

If we don't know how to love ourselves, we also don't know the real meanings of compassion.

We might think we know what is compassion, and we want to be compassionate beings, and we want to perform compassionate actions, but we aren't really compassionate, if we don't even know how to fully accept and love ourselves as we are.

Be happy.

May all beings be happy?

If we truly and sincerely mean it when we say 'May all beings be happy' with the correct understanding of what it means, we won't have any unhappiness or dissatisfaction about anyone or anything.

We won't make enemy with anyone.

We won't hurt anyone intentionally, including ourselves.

We love everyone and everything for being what they are, as they are.

Ourselves will be at peace. As we won't have anger, hatred, jealousy, discrimination, fear and worry towards anyone and anything, if we truly wish everyone happiness.

We cannot make other people happy, it is everyone's own freedom and responsibility to be happy, or not.

But, certainly we can wish everyone be happy if they want to.

And so,

To whom we like or dislike, agree or disagree with, know or don't know, met or haven't met,

To whom who like or dislike us, agree or disagree with us, know or don't know us, met or haven't met us,

To whom we think they are good or not good, wise or unwise, kind or unkind, selfish or unselfish, pure or impure, near or far,

To whom we think they had hurt us, or is hurting us, or may hurt us intentionally or unintentionally,

To whom in our mind and not in our mind,

To all human beings and non-human beings, living beings and non-living beings,

To myself,

May All beings be happy.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

If we think we can't wish all and everyone to be happy, as there are some people or beings that we don't want them to be happy, or think that they don't deserve to be happy, and we want to wish them unhappiness and suffering.

It reflects that we are so unhappy and suffering. We are hurting ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally, when we are over-powered by such intense resentment, anger and hatred towards other beings.

Then,

May we realize compassion, forgive all and everyone, and let go of resentment, anger and hatred.

May we be free from unhappiness and suffering that derived from resentment, anger and hatred in ourselves.

May we love ourselves, be kind to ourselves.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

If due to any reasons, we think ourselves don't deserve to be happy.

Then, at least, wish all other beings be happy.

May other beings be free from unhappiness and suffering.

But, don't forget, we are also one of the beings that need to be loved and forgiven.

May we realize compassion, and love ourselves, be kind to ourselves.

May we forgive ourselves.

If we can't do that, then wish 'nobody' be happy.

As in truth, we all are 'nobody' anyway, and the selfless nature of all and everything doesn't need to be happy.

It is unconditional peace itself.

Om shanti.