The bully and its bullying

Bullying is a form of mental illness.

The bully is a person or a mind that is suffering from mental illness.

Not all forms of mental illness are violent, hurtful, or destructive, but the mental illness of bullying is violent, hurtful, and destructive unto oneself and others.

Bully and bullying exists in anywhere and everywhere. In the family, among spouses, among parents and children, among siblings, among relatives. In the community, among friends, among lovers, among schoolmates, among classmates, among teachers and students, among businesses, among bosses and bosses, among employers and employees, among colleagues, among neighbours, among countries, among leaders and leaders, among leaders and followers, among human beings, among human beings and other living beings, among all and everyone that are existing and functioning under the influence of a restless impure modification of the mind. It is the by-products of ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness in the modification of the mind.

The bully has endless and boundless desires waiting to be gratified and fulfilled, and it wants to gratify and fulfill all its endless and boundless desires via bullying/threatening/manipulating/exploiting the others.

The bully thinks and believes that itself is more intelligent than many others. But unfortunately, they are not, because if they are intelligent, they won't be what they are (a bully), and behave as they are (bullying others).

It thinks and believes that itself is the one in power to be juggling/controlling/influencing/manipulating the others to act/react/behave or don't act/react/behave in certain way that it desires, that will make all its desires come true.

The minds that are wise (not necessarily intelligent), they won't try to juggle/control/influence/manipulate/bully/threaten anyone or anything to be or not to be in certain way. If they want, they can even help the others to develop sufficient knowledge or correct understanding that will help to unveil the wisdom within all and everyone. Highly intelligent and the accumulation of worldly knowledge doesn't necessarily mean that the mind is wise, or the wisdom within a.k.a. the knowledge of life existence, is unveiled to the mind.

Out of ignorance, the ones that were/are being bullied by some others in certain way, they might think and believe that in order to stop being the victim of a bully, is to become a bully themselves, that they think and believe it will make them feel strong and powerful, which doesn't work, because that will only be exposing the ignorance, low self-esteem, inferiority, insufficiency, fear, and weakness (powerlessness) in themselves. It doesn't make the sense of low self-esteem, inferiority, insufficiency, fear, or powerlessness in them to disappear. It doesn't really make them strong and powerful.

Even the most 'powerful' person in the world will still be troubling by the sense of low self-esteem, inferiority, insufficiency, fear, or powerlessness in them, if they haven't attained self-realization towards the wisdom within.

Those who have attained self-realization towards the wisdom within, they don't need to 'be powerful', they are powerful, selflessly, intentionlessly, desirelessly, namelessly, and formlessly. And that selfless power of wisdom and compassion, doesn't threaten, or control, or manipulate anyone or anything to be in certain way that is desirable and agreeable, but the mind is peaceful as it is, unconditionally.

The person becomes a bully, or the bully is existing, through bullying and threatening the others.

A bully is also a manipulator. Through manipulating and threatening others, it gains the power of bullying, to become a bully.

"Give me what I want, or else, I will punish you, and you will be in painful suffering. All I want is for you to be good and happy. I want you to be happy. If you make me happy, and you will also be happy. Be nice to me, and I will be nice to you. If not, I will make you suffer. You just need to do what I want you to do and give me what I want, and I will be good and you will be good too, and there will be no punishment, and there will be no painful suffering. Everyone is good and happy." - The common statement of any kind of bully.

The bully manipulates the others to think and believe that they are weak and dependent, and that they need to depend on it (not someone and/or something else), no matter what and how.

The survival of a bully is coming from bullying/manipulating/threatening "some others". If there is nobody being there to be engaging with the bully, then the bully and its bullying has no "target" to aim at, in order to be what they are.

The power of bullying or manipulation of the bully/manipulator is being given and empowered by the others whom themselves ignorantly/willingly to give in or surrender to the desires or the threats/bullying/manipulations of the bully/manipulator.

If all and everyone just stop thinking and believing that themselves are weak and dependent, that they can never be strong and independent as being told by the bully/manipulator, where they realize that they are weak and dependent is because they were/are being bullied/threatened/manipulated by the bully/manipulator to think and believe that they are weak and dependent, and hence, they (can) stop gratifying the desires (not giving in or surrender to the threats) of the bully/manipulator, then the bully/manipulator will loose its power to bully and manipulate anyone or anything.

The bully or the manipulator, as well as the exploiter, cannot exist or cannot have the power to be what they are, if they are no others being there to be engaging with them, being the ones that are being bullied, or manipulated, or exploited by them.

Even if someone is really physically/mentally/financially weak, and needed to be dependent on some others to survive, it doesn't need to and shouldn't be dependent on someone who is a bully. It can look out for and depend on some others who are not a bully, but with kindness and wisdom, who don't need to be a bully to be bullying others in order to gratify their desires. There are many others who are not a bully, who don't need to survive or to be 'superior, strong, and powerful' by bullying others.

To stop the existence of any kind of bully and bullying, all and everyone just need to stop giving in to or gratifying the desires of the bully, that stops empowering the bully and its bullying, and eventually, the bully will no longer have the power of bullying to bully anyone or anything.

Once give in, it will be more difficult to be free from the bully and its bullying. Because upon each time giving in, it will be empowering the bully and its bullying. The bullying will never come to an end, not until the bully looses the power of bullying that is empowered by those who give in to the desires/bullying/threats/manipulations/exploitation of the bully.

Want to stop any kind of bully and its bullying? Then stop empowering all that.

Stop engaging with the bully.

Stop negotiating with the bully.

Leave the bully to be by itself, to be engaging and negotiating with itself.

No doubt that, the bully and its bullying has certain power being given, powered, and empowered by those who give in to the bully and its bullying.

But the selfless wisdom and compassion of nature, that exists in all and everyone, and the nature's law of cause and effect, is even more powerful.

Many people might think and believe that the bully is fearless, that is why it is a bully that bullies others, but actually, it's the exact contrary. Those who are fearless don't need to bully anyone or anything, not to say, to be bullied by someone or something. Both the bully and the bullied are all acting/reacting/behaving under the presence of fear.

Most people (except the ones that are selfish, ignorant, greedy, violent, and destructive) want to be living under a peaceful and harmonious living environment that is conducive for enjoying either a comfortable life existence all by oneself, or have a pleasant relationship and interaction with all the others in the surrounding environment. By inflicting violent, hurtful, and destructive action/reaction/behavior unto others and the surrounding environment will only destroy the peaceful and harmonious living environment, where all and everyone, including those who inflict violent, hurtful, and destructive action/reaction/behavior unto others and the surrounding environment, won't be able to survive or make a living, not to say, to be enjoying either a comfortable life existence all by oneself, or have a pleasant relationship and interaction with all the others in the surrounding environment.

The difference between a mind that wants (needs) to bully others and a mind that doesn't need to bully anyone or anything -

The mind that doesn't bully, knows and understands what the bully doesn't know and doesn't understand. No matter how much 'power' and 'control' that the bully thinks and believes that it has, that comes from bullying/threatening/manipulating/oppressing/exploiting/punishing/hurting the others, it is always being in a state of inferiority than those who don't need to bully anyone or anything, because there is something that it doesn't know and doesn't understand, that many others know and understand.

The more the mind wants to be more superior or powerful than the others, the more inferior and powerless is the mind than all the others.

If you think you are a victim of a bully, you just need to know that you are, and will always be, more superior and powerful than the bully, without the need of being a bully yourself. All you need to do is, not accepting the bullying, and walk away, and leave the bully by itself.

The bully will beg you and everyone that it bullies, "Please come back, and let me bully you. I love you. I will always love you. Please come back. I need you to be here for me to be a bully. If everyone leaves me, there is nobody here for me to bully."

 

Controlling others is not self control.

Discipline/punish others is not self discipline.

It is harmful and destructive in the intention and action of controlling and disciplining others.

It is beneficial and constructive in the intention and action of self control and self discipline.

And more importantly, self discipline is not about self punishment or be disciplined/punished by others.

Self discipline is about coming from the selfless thinking and acting faculty (the selfless mind) itself, out of its own desire or freewill, to be purifying, filtering, and quieting its own restless impure egoistic modification of the mind, a.k.a. removing/annihilating the veil of ignorance that is veiling the existing absolute knowledge of the selfless impermanent limited and conditional life existence, and hence, enabling the selfless thinking and acting faculty to be knowing/realizing the selfless intentionless attributeless timeless unlimited and unconditional wisdom and compassion (the selfless intentionless power of nature that enables all and everything to be forming/existing, changing, decaying and disintegrating/ceased existing), that is always there, within the selfless impermanent limited and conditional existence and function of the selfless perceptive cognitive intellectual emotional thinking and acting faculty of the selfless physical body, where all these names and forms are selfless, impermanent, limited, and conditional, that only exists for a momentary duration in this infinite space that doesn't belong to anyone or anything.

There is no violence, or hurtful action/reaction/behavior unto oneself or others in self discipline.

Inquire towards the truth of everything.

Hypocrisy, untruthfulness, backbiting and backstabbing

This teachings is for those who are interested in learning and practicing yoga and/or buddhism, and to be looking after the mental health of oneself and others. Those who are not interested in the teachings and practice of yoga and/or buddhism, or looking after the mental health of oneself and others, this is not for them.

No doubt that hypocrisy, untruthfulness, backbiting and backstabbing are very common and normal family, cultural and social values and practice that exist in many family ties, siblings, relationships, friendships, or in any kind of social connections, in order to keep those family ties, relationships, friendships and social connections to be continuously 'existing' and 'surviving', and to maintain certain degrees of so called 'peace and harmony' or 'bonding and cooperation' in all those human's family ties and social connections, however, those who truly want to practice yoga and/or buddhism, they need to abandon such common and normal values and practice, of what many minds think and believe as a 'normal', 'healthy', 'successful' and 'meaningful' way of life and conduct.

It's everyone's freedom for what and how they think, believe, practice, behave, act and react, or not. There's neither right nor wrong, and the world of human beings is very much being built on such hypocrisy and untruthfulness, or else all kinds of human ties and connections will not be able to sustain or survive, unless the minds are free from the influence of ignorance, egoism and impurities, where all kinds of human ties and connections are not being built on hypocrisy and untruthfulness, that exist under the absence of hypocrisy, untruthfulness, backbiting and backstabbing.

It's understandable that it can be very hard and challenging for many people to not being hypocrite and untruthful at all, or to be completely straightforward and truthful in all kinds of ties and connections, while at the same time, they might not be free from dislikes, disagreements and offensiveness towards certain or many things, and hence, they would prefer to express their dislikes, disagreements and offensiveness behind people's back, thinking that it won't cause any damaging effects.

Some people would think and believe while telling themselves and others, "Don't be so naive. There's nothing wrong, and it's very good to practice hypocrisy and untruthfulness, if we want to survive in this society, and to maintain certain degrees of 'peace and harmony' among everyone, while getting the cooperation from some others in order to achieve what we want to achieve. If we have any unhappiness, disagreements and complaints about some others, we can express it behind people's back behind closed door. If we want to hurt or attack our enemy, we always do it quietly behind their back. That's the way to become highly successful in this world." That's people's freedom of thinking, belief, desire and behavior, however, it's the opposite of the teachings and practice of yoga and/or buddhism.

That's why the essential teachings and practice of yoga and buddhism emphasized on the observation of renunciation and dispassion, seclusion and solitude, straightforwardness and truthfulness, and the eradication of egoism and impurities of greed, discontentment, dissatisfaction, anger, hatred, jealousy, pride, arrogance, fear, offensiveness, defensiveness, violence, ill thinking and ill will, and etc.

The minds that are mentally and emotionally dependent would be disturbed and hurt by the hypocrisy, untruthfulness, backbiting and backstabbing coming from others, especially coming from their own beloved family members and friends.

The minds that are mentally and emotionally independent are not at all being disturbed or hurt by such ignorant impure behavior of anyone, including one's beloved family members and friends. Not that they are emotionless, but they are aware of how the minds behave, act and react under the influence of ignorance, egoism and impurities. Neither will these minds be offended or intimidated by anything or anyone.

Those who are not interested in learning and practicing yoga and/or buddhism, who are not interested in looking after the mental health of oneself and others, they don't need to observe all these yoga and buddhism teachings and practice, and continuing their 'normal, healthy, successful and meaningful' way of life and conduct, as they are. Be happy.

Inquire towards common human's behavior pattern that generates unnecessary disturbance unto oneself and others

"I am talking to you. Why are you not responding? Why don't you say something or ask other people how are they? This is so wrong and disrespectful. It's very unhealthy if you don't go out to meet people and interact with people. Normal people would care for one another by talking to each other, and have healthy communication and interaction with other human beings. You need to learn how to behave properly. You need to response to people who are talking to you, to have a healthy communication and interaction with one another."

This is a very common trait in many people of different diversities in the world of ignorance and egoism.

That is what egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, comparison, judgment and expectation is about.

Yoga practice is about freeing the mind from being conditioned by such passionate egoistic mind behavior pattern under the influence of certain passionate egoistic thinking, belief, values and practice.

There is nothing wrong with certain worldly minded passionate people who love and enjoy entertaining one another, by having social communication and interaction all the time, or else they will feel bored, unloved, lonely, left out and meaningless. Not only that they have expectation towards all and everyone should have 'normal' behavior of having communication and interaction with one another, but they also expect other people to be communicating and interacting with one another in certain way that they think and believe as 'good', 'right', 'positive', 'appropriateness', or 'meaningfulness', while causing unnecessary disturbance in themselves and others upon others are not thinking, behaving, acting and reacting in the same way like themselves. This mind behavior pattern can be reflected in many other kinds of human's behavior under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

There is also nothing wrong with certain people who do not want to entertain certain people or anyone, or do not want to pay attention and waste energy onto certain things that don't interest them.

Being kind and compassionate towards others selflessly and desirelessly, doesn't have to be under the presence of certain social communication or interaction that is limited by language or literacy. One doesn't need to know or speak the same language to understand what the person is saying or experiencing, to be aware of and understand that this person is in some kind of painful suffering, to be kind and compassionate towards all and everyone who are struggling and drowning in some kind of painful suffering, under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness. One doesn't need to know how to read and write in certain language in order to have correct understanding and self-control of not generating any hurtful damaging behaviors, actions and reactions unto oneself and others and the surrounding environment, to be friendly towards all and everyone, to be free from selfishness, greed, discrimination, separateness, possessiveness, unhappiness, loneliness, meaninglessness, worry, fear, jealousy, pride, arrogance, guilt, regret, offensiveness, defensiveness, anger and hatred, and so on.

Inquire the truth of everything.

World peace

Yoga is very much related to the cause of promoting and achieving 'world peace', which is only achievable via the realization of unconditional peace from within oneself, where the minds that are occupying and sharing this space in the universe, are free from the influence of ignorance and egoism.

Originally, many yoga schools were being founded under the advocacy of promoting and achieving world peace.

World peace is the reflection of healthy minds occupying the world, having clear thinking, correct understanding, self-control, respect and accommodation, that allows all and everyone under different qualities of names and forms to be sharing this space of the universe living in peace and harmony among one another, free from all kinds of ignorant thinking and behavior, greed, selfishness, hatred, jealousy, corruption, discrimination, threat, violence, unrest, bully, abuse, exploitation, offensiveness, oppression, invasion and war.

The world is just being what it is. It is neither peaceful nor not peaceful.

It's the minds that are occupying the world constantly acting and reacting, either wisely and selflessly or ignorantly and egoistically, that is determining whether there is more peace and harmony in the world, or not.

If more minds in the world are in good health, or more minds are being free from the influence of ignorance and egoism, then there will be more peace and less unrest in the world, regardless of the inevitable selfless impermanent changes of the condition in the world, and different life experiences, where sometimes it's desirable and pleasant, and sometimes it's undesirable and unpleasant.

Though yoga is about advocating world peace, it's nothing to do with having an authority or authorization that is about regulating and controlling everyone to behave or not behave in certain way, or to be fighting against what certain human beings or communities categorized as 'bad' or 'evil' human beings, but it's about the minds having awareness and initiative to free themselves from the influence of ignorance and egoism, realizing unconditional peace and selfless compassion in themselves, being independent, having clear thinking, correct understanding and self-control, respecting and accommodating all kinds of names and forms being different from one another, while being kind to one another instead of hurting one another.

Particularly those who have the aspiration, capability and opportunity to become present and future various types of influencers and leaders in the world, that are impacting the world in certain way, they need to be free from the influence of ignorance and egoism. Otherwise there will be less peace and harmony, or more unrest and disharmony in the world, which is what was happening, is happening, and will be continuously happening.

If all minds are free from the influence of ignorance and egoism, the world doesn't really need any influencers or leaders to be influencing and leading other minds. However, not many minds have the awareness and initiative to free themselves from ignorance and egoism. There are very few minds are free from the influence of ignorance and egoism in the world that don't need to be led by any leader or to be inspired by any influencers, to live life in certain way. There are many minds couldn't function or live life independently, where they think and believe that they need to attached towards certain communities and ideas being led by certain leaders, or they need to be inspired by certain influencers, to live life in certain way, or to make certain decision.

And hence, many yoga schools were 'initially' being founded under the cause of expounding the teachings of yoga and promoting yoga practice in the world, that is mainly about the elimination of ignorance and egoism from the mind, in order to help the world to have more selfless, wise and compassionate leaders or influencers, that are greatly impacting the situations in the world. It's really not so much about promoting the physical health and fitness condition, but mainly about looking after the state of the mind, or mental health. Unfortunately, just like everything else that are impermanent, many 'yoga schools' are also evolving or changing into something that is not so much about the elimination of ignorance and egoism, but instead, it's empowering ignorance and egoism, attaching towards and chasing after the qualities of names and forms that the minds like, desire and agree with.

Similarly, 'awareness' is about the mind turning inwards, being aware of what is going on in itself, being aware of ignorance and egoism in itself, being aware of the selfless impermanent restless modification of the mind, and be initiative to eradicate ignorance and egoism from itself, to silent or annihilate the modification of the mind. However, 'awareness' is being practiced as being aware of what is going on in the body (pleasant and unpleasant sensations/good and bad conditions) and in the world (agreeable and disagreeable happenings/desirable and undesirable situations), while chasing after and gratifying the desires of craving and aversion, to attain and empower the sense of satisfaction, goodness, happiness, positiveness, joyfulness and meaningfulness.

It's okay if one doesn't necessarily have very good physical health and fitness condition, being unable to perform many actions in the world, but it's highly important to be having good mental health, be free from all kinds of mental corruptions, being at peace, as one is, going beyond the energy fields (the three Gunas) or the fluctuating hormones and secretions in the physical body, going beyond the selfless impermanent state of the mind, going beyond all kinds of duality, being undetermined and undisturbed by the selfless impermanent qualities of names and forms, the desirable and undesirable life experiences, or the pleasant and unpleasant conditions of the world.

While having very good physical health and fitness condition, but without good mental health, and being able to perform many actions in the world, physically and mentally, functioning under the influence of many kinds of mental corruptions, can be detrimental or even dangerous to oneself and the world.

Having wise and compassionate leaders to lead the ignorant minds is good, however, having wise and compassionate teachers that guide the ignorant minds to be free from ignorance and egoism, to be independent, to be free from corruptions and suffering, is much better.

People talk highly about the liberty of liberation from being ruled by foreign power or authority as what independence is about, however, this type of liberation doesn't stop the world having so much unnecessary man made problems and suffering arising from ignorance and egoism.

The real liberty, or the 'useful' liberation, is about the minds being free from the influence of ignorance and egoism, and there will be less problems and suffering deriving from ignorant egoistic human beings in the world.

Similarly, depression and some other kinds of mental or physical illness and disability, are a great suffering for quite many people, as well as might can be 'controlled' or 'relieved' under certain medical treatments and rehabilitation activities, however, the most serious form of illness in the world of human beings, is the mind that is functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism. Those who don't suffer from depression or any kinds of mental or physical illness and disability, who might be highly energetic, healthy, fit, intelligent, knowledgeable, educated, talented, skillful, successful, wealthy and powerful, but could be under the influence of deep ignorance and intense egoism, they can be performing many actions in the world that cause many kinds of damages to oneself, others, the surrounding environment, or the world.

Inventing and possessing more and more higher technology defense equipment or weapons to protect one's nation or to fight against other nations doesn't stop wars and the consequences of it from happening. It's all the leaders and influencers in the world, or those in position or power to impact the world in certain way, that need to be free from ignorance and egoism.

Lockdown expose the mental state of many people

After many days/weeks of observing lockdown in many different countries, not just that the process of lockdown could help to contain the global epidemic effectively, but unintentionally, it also helps to expose the mental state of many people, where many people themselves are not aware of their own mental state that is not so well. Some people appreciate and enjoy the many days/weeks being with their family/relative/friend physically under the same roof at this time being, but there are also many more people are starting to behave in the way that is not how they usually behaved due to being restricted from the freedom of going somewhere and doing something that one likes and familiars with, as well as being physically constraint in a limited space all the time being with the family/relatives/friends.

People are worried about those who lives alone during this time being, and encourage companionship of family, relatives or friends staying close together under the same roof during the lockdown for a prolonged period of time, but actually, that could be generating or exposing more 'human interactive problems' among one another physically/mentally/emotionally than those who lives alone.

Some people are developing momentary mild mental stress/instability due to anxiety towards the present situation, but some are already suffering from mental illness/breakdown even before the lockdown that never been treated properly as they weren't even aware of it, but now, it's being 'forced' to be exposed due to there's not enough personal time and space where two or more people are being 'stuck' together physically sharing the same limited living space under the same roof being refrained from their many out of the house social leisure activity with some other 'beings' or just to be having some personal time and space being alone by themselves to 'escape' the 'tension/stress' built up at home being with the people that they live with.

The accumulating tension, stress, frustration and dissatisfaction are not only deriving from anxiety generated towards the pandemic situation, but also from dealing with the 'normal yet abnormal' human's behavior of the other members living in the same house undergoing the process of lockdown. People under stress are starting to loose their limited patience/tolerance and behaving aggressively towards one another who live under the same roof. It's not strange that there will be more and more family/relationship problem brewing slowly/rapidly and domestic abuse are increasingly happening everywhere.

Meanwhile there will be somewhat 'mentally/emotionally healthy' people are appreciating the 'enforced' time and space being with their loved ones and learn how to be more patient and tolerant under this lockdown situation for a prolonged period of time.

 

(Updated in August 2021)

After a prolonged ‘failed’ ongoing lockdown authorized by certain ‘authority’ that think they know what they are doing but actually they don’t really know what they are doing, that doesn’t really help to contain the pandemic, but generating further stress to the common people as they are losing their livelihood and maybe also losing their loved ones due to the disease, on top of dealing with fear towards contracting the disease and fear towards being prosecuted under the many added ‘new’ rules and regulations that are being introduced from time to time with the ‘intention’ to curb the pandemic, and hence, there are more and more people are suffering from intense anxiety and depression due to financial and health crisis, especially living in areas that are under an authority that didn’t provide sufficient finance and health care assistance to their people.

 

The many ‘information’ towards the vaccines that are circulating on social medias also doesn’t help. However, everyone have their own freedom of thinking, belief and choices towards any information about vaccines, especially the role of vaccination, as well as whether certain people might have certain health complications or allergies that don’t allow them to take certain drugs or any form of vaccines, even if they would prefer to be vaccinated against certain diseases. Everyone have the freedom to express what they think and desire, and what they do or don’t do with their body or life existence. Everyone also take the responsibility towards one's desire and the consequences of one's desire.

 

For yoga practitioners, it’s not about how all the others think, believe and desire, not to say, to reason everything based on what others think, believe and desire, but one would reason and inquire what are the most beneficial actions that can be done in this present moment for helping the entire world to move forward, without being influenced by any particular thinking and belief in the world of ignorance and egoism. More importantly, yoga is not separated from science. Life is science. Human’s body mechanism is science. Human’s behavior is science. Hormones, secretions, bodily organs and systems, cells, atoms, neurons, muscular and bone structures and etc, are science. Selflessness and Impermanence is science. How everything exist, change, and ceased existing, is science. The nature’s law of cause and effect is science. Yoga of silence is science beyond names and forms.

 

One is fearless towards making the appropriate decision and the consequences of one’s decision, uninfluenced by one’s family and friends and community’s different opinions about the vaccines. There’s no perfection in any decision and action. There are pros and cons in any actions. The fearless beings perform actions based on what is most beneficial for the world to move forward, without attachment, identification, judgment, or expectation.

 

The teachings of yoga doesn’t discriminate any kind of names and forms, not to say, anyone’s decision towards getting vaccinated, or not, especially in a prolonged pandemic situation. The difference between yoga practitioner and non-yoga practitioner is whether one inquires the truth of everything without being influenced by any particular worldly thinking and belief that are under the influence of ignorance and egoism to judge everything, or not.

Loving kindness?

Many people who think and believe themselves are 'unselfish kind and loving beings' would react and feel disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that they perceive or acknowledge as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', and they would express their 'concern' by expecting these 'unkind and unloving beings' would somehow be criticized or punished for being unkind and unloving, or be disciplined or trained to be (more) kind and loving.

But, 'loving kindness' is about how one's mind behaves or reacts with 'loving kindness' towards other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, that one's mind perceives and acknowledges as 'selfish', 'unkind', 'unloving', 'disturbing', 'hurtful', 'bad', or 'wrong', without being disturbed or angered or hurt by other people's behavior that one's mind dislikes and disagrees with, without expectation towards how other people should and shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, understanding that all forms of 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior as well as one's mind's reaction of being disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's 'selfish', 'unkind' and 'unloving' behavior and the expectation towards how other people should or shouldn't behave according to one's particular thinking and belief, are all deriving from ignorance.

Loving kindness is really not about "How human beings should behave in the way that is loving and kind" or "Other people whom one's mind thinks and believes as unkind and unloving need to be (more) kind and loving" at all, but it's about "This mind being kind and loving, where this mind understands towards ignorance and the consequences of ignorance, of egoistic actions and reactions, and how this mind reacts with loving kindness towards other people's unloving and unkind actions and reactions under the influence of ignorance. Being undisturbed and unhurt by all the disagreeable/undesirable/unpleasant names and forms or experiences that the mind perceives through the senses. Without expectation towards other beings should or shouldn't behave in certain way. Without expectation towards the world must be in certain way, or not to be in certain way."

When the mind is disturbed, angered and hurt by other people's unloving unkind actions and reactions, loving kindness is absent in this mind as well, then how could this mind criticize other minds for being unloving and unkind, and expect other minds to be loving and kind?

Non-attachment and dispassion is true loving kindness, but somehow this observation is being perceived and acknowledged by the world of egoistic minds as a form of 'lack of loving kindness', 'unconcern', 'uncaring', 'selfish' and 'wrong'.

It's everyone's freedom for what they think and believe, for how they act and react. In yoga, it's never about 'how the others behave', but it's about 'how this mind behaves'.

Contemplate on this, and be free.

What's the difference between sympathy and compassion?

What's the difference between sympathy and compassion?

Anger, ill-will and ill-feelings might co-exist with sympathy and empathy. While anger or any forms of ill-will or ill-feelings are absent in compassion.

One might be able to feel empathy for other's sorrow and suffering, or show sympathy towards others who are less fortunate or are suffering, but it's not necessarily that one is also compassionate. One who doesn't have compassion might not be able to show sympathy or empathy towards other's suffering when oneself is under difficult condition or critical situation. Out of self-righteousness, one might show sympathy or empathy towards others whom one thinks and believes are 'the victim' of suffering, but at the same time, one can be disturbed by others' suffering and be angry with the cause of suffering and 'the one' who is responsible for the suffering, and one might generate actions and speech that would hurt oneself and others out of anger. One also might not show sympathy or empathy towards others whom one thinks and believes that they don't deserve sympathy or empathy from others.

If compassion is present, there's neither suffering nor the cause of suffering in oneself. It's knowing the truth of suffering. It's not about feeling sorry or feeling bad for others whom our minds think and believe they are experiencing something terribly bad or sad. It's nothing to do with self-righteousness which based on what the mind believes what is good and bad, what is right and wrong, what is should and shouldn't, and who deserve or don't deserve non-discrimination and loving kindness. One who has compassion will be able to show sympathy or empathy towards others' suffering even when oneself is under difficult condition or critical situation. One is undetermined, undisturbed or uninfluenced by the presence of suffering or the cause of suffering in others, and will not generate actions and speech that would hurt others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. One is free from anger, hatred, ill-thinking, ill-will and ill-feelings.

If compassion is absent, there will be perception of suffering, the victim who suffers, the cause of suffering, and the one who is to be blamed, who is responsible for the cause of suffering. There will be anger and hatred towards something that is contradicted with one's social, cultural and religious thinking and belief. There will be expectation or anticipation that others should react with sympathy and empathy towards the existence of suffering and the victim of suffering.

For example -

Conflict broke up between A and B, and B generated actions and speech that were hurtful towards A, while C came to know about this.

A might or might not be hurt or suffered because of B's behavior. While C might think that A should or shouldn't feel hurt by such behavior, or C might assume that A was or wasn't hurt by B's behavior.

In worldly conditioned thinking and reaction - A is a victim, B is responsible for inflicting suffering onto A, while C should get involve by either showing sympathy, or empathy, out of humanity. Or else C is selfish or inhuman, if C choose to be care less and not getting involve at all.

Out of worldly conditioned thinking and reaction, A might feel itself as a victim of other's bad behavior and feels sympathy towards oneself, and also expects sympathy and empathy from others. Or, out of compassion, A didn't feel hurt by B and wasn't angry with B's behavior, and didn't think itself as a victim of other's bad behavior, knowing that B is also a victim of the ignorance and suffering in oneself to behave in such way.

Meanwhile, B might be aware or unaware of it's behavior could be hurtful and cause suffering onto others. B might be regretful and apologetic, or not. But A and C have the freedom on whether they want to react, or not, and how they would react if they chose to react.

Everyone is free to act and react in their own way. Everyone also takes responsibility for the consequences of their own actions and reactions.

If compassion is absent in C, C might feel empathy for A, or show sympathy towards A standing from the point of view of a third party thinking that A is a victim and deserves empathy and sympathy from others, and C might be disturbed and angry with B's behavior, even when A wasn't disturbed or didn't feel hurt by B's behavior, not to say if A was disturbed and felt hurt by B's behavior. Or, C might ignore the situation and be care less and not getting involve at all, thinking that 'It's not my problem." There's nothing wrong in either these reactions. But, neither these reactions have anything to do with compassion.

If compassion exists in C, C is aware of the truth. C is aware of A's reaction, whether sympathy from others is needed or not, coming from A's reaction and it's not coming from C's assumption of how A should react. A is also under the influence of ignorance if A feels disturbed and hurt by B's behavior and expects sympathy or empathy coming from others. C is also aware of B's behavior is out of ignorance and is also a victim of suffering. There's no need to be angry with B or B's behavior at all.

All are the victims of ignorance and suffering except the one who is compassionate.

Humanity?

Humanity alone doesn't free us from unhappiness or suffering. Without realization of the truth of selflessness, or attributelessness, namelessness and formlessness, humanity is also one of the many qualities of names and forms that binds us to unhappiness and suffering.

Just by identify ourselves as human beings and attach to the thinking and belief about - As "human beings", we all should behave like how "proper", or "normal", or "good" human beings should behave... is also part of the play of ignorance and egoism, and is what generating separateness, discrimination, prejudice, disappointment, dissatisfaction, anger, hatred, superiority and inferiority, craving and aversion, fear and worry, where all these defilements are the cause of disharmony, restlessness or suffering in oneself and in the society.

This doesn't mean that we shouldn't have humanity in the society, or we don't have to be "good" human beings. We do our best, perform all our duties and responsibilities, but be free from ignorance, egoism, identification, attachment, judgment, comparison and expectation towards oneself and others that we all as "human beings" must comply to what we think and believe what humanity is. Then the real unconditional "humanity" that is beyond all the qualities of names and forms will shine in oneself and in the society. There's no difference or separateness between human beings and non-human beings, or between "good" human beings and "bad" human beings.

Only through this realization, the society can be free from anger and hatred, or have peace and harmony, starting from oneself.

It's the same as in a family, or in a community, or in any relationships, or in a corporate work place, or in any organizations. Egoism is the root cause of disharmony and inefficiency in all fields. And the vanish of egoism is the underlying criteria for harmony and efficiency in any fields.

Om shanti.

How to be happy or have a happy mind?

Before this mind can go beyond the identification with the modification of the mind, the intellect, or the ego, there's an idea of 'I' identifying with the mind and all its modifications as "I", or "me", or "my thinking and my feelings"... 

 

The thinking mind under the idea of 'I' wants to feel pleasantness, or it wants to feel good, or it wants happiness, or in general, we, or all minds under the idea of 'I' want to be happy. What we want is a happy mind. We like ourselves when we are happy, and other people will also like us, when we are happy. And then, out of attachment and identification and craving, we will be more happy when other people like us when we are happy, and so on...

If so, we need to start with understanding the elements or qualities that influence or determine the states of mind. And try to remove, or eliminate, or reduce the qualities that make the mind feels bad and unhappy, and try to cultivate, or develop, or increase the qualities that make the mind feels good and happy.

Most of the time, the mind is swaying between the state of happiness and unhappiness. Occasionally, the mind is in a state of neutral, neither happiness nor unhappiness, as there is no elements of happiness or unhappiness occupying the mind. There is no reason or cause for the mind to feel happy or unhappy. That is similar to momentary peacefulness, neither elevated nor depressed... But all these states of mind are impermanent. They will change and disappear. That's why we can never be truly satisfied if we identify with the fluctuating mind as "I" or "me".

An unhappy mind is when the mind is being occupied by impurities like anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, pride, arrogance, agitation, depression, anxiety, irritation, frustration, insecurity, fear, worry, craving, aversion, hurts, resentment, vengeance, emptiness, meaninglessness, low self-esteem, cowardliness, non-accomplishment, non-productiveness, suppression, offensiveness, defensiveness, doubts, and etc, that make our mind feels disturbed, unhappy or bad... And so, when the mind is being free from all these impurities, elements or qualities that give rise to unhappy or unpleasant sensations, the mind will be in a state of being absent of disturbed or unhappiness... That's why we try to avoid these elements, as we don't like or don't enjoy the state of disturbed or unhappiness.

A happy mind is when the mind is being in a state of calmness, contentment, satisfaction, high self-esteem, courageous, clarity, joyfulness, love, meaningfulness, creativeness, productiveness, blessedness, gratefulness, thankfulness, appreciativeness, accomplishment, doubtless, fearless, worryless, and etc, that make our mind feels happy or feels good... And so, when these elements or qualities that contribute happy or pleasant sensations are absent from the mind, the mind will be in a state of being absent of happiness... That's why we keep looking for all these elements and try to maintain them, as we like and enjoy the state of happiness.

But know that these two groups of elements that give rise to either the sense of happiness or unhappiness are impermanent, it doesn't give true and lasting satisfaction... It is the absent of the idea of 'I', where there's no identification in the mind towards its selfless restless modifications that will bring realization towards the truth of the selfless impermanent existence and function of a selfless physical body and selfless thinking mind, where beyond all kinds of impermanent changes, is timelessness, selflessness, non-separateness, attributelessness, namelessness, formlessness, birthlessness, deathlessness, beginninglessness and endlessness, which is unconditional and unlimited peace and contentment...

There are many different elements or qualities that are influencing or determining the state of our mind. And all these elements or qualities can be cultivated, as well as can be eliminated... Sometimes when we don't relate any of these elements with how we feel, we will say it is the hormonal system controlling how we feel, or the normal or abnormal condition or function of the brains that is determining the states of mind. Sometimes we just feel depressed without any particular reasons, because certain part of the brains is not functioning properly as it is, where many mental health experts are still trying to figure out how to make correction to that type of abnormality in the brains that trigger depression... But know that the hormonal system is also influenced by the energy fields and the inputs that we feed the mind... And so, by influencing or changing the energy fields or filtering what types of inputs that we feed to the mind, through performing certain physical activities or yoga exercises, controlling the breath, controlling our food consumption, filtering what we read, watch and listen, choosing who we mix with, and etc, can help us to have certain control of how we (the mind) feel...

Even if the mind is suffering from depression that even the mental health doctor also can't do much, but to be under control via certain drugs medication, which is not great, but the mind can still be trained to be eradicating egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment and expectation, and learn to be aware of the state of depression without association towards the state of depression, or being over-powered by the state of depression that is also conditional, that is also selfless.
 

Usually our mind is in a mixture of these elements or qualities. That's why we feel confused (not sure about whether we are happy or unhappy) and keep swaying between the state of happiness and unhappiness unceasingly, or we are not being purely happy or unhappy... Sometimes we feel happy and some other times we feel unhappy. We can't really tell or distinguish whether we are happy or unhappy people. But that's not important. There's no need to categorizing ourselves as happy or unhappy people. All are selfless and impermanent.

When qualities that give rise to good and happy feelings are predominant in the moment, then we can say that we have a rather "happy" state of mind in the present moment...

These qualities that give rise to good and happy feelings usually are (but not limited to) positive thinking, optimism, patience, tolerance, acceptance, adaptation, adjustment, accommodation, forgiveness, cheerfulness, loving kindness, friendliness, thoughtfulness, respect, self-discipline, self-control, empathy, confidence, faith, correct understanding, right views, calmness, non-offensiveness, non-defensiveness, good-wills, unselfishness, humility, forbearance, and etc... As all these qualities make our mind not so easily to be annoyed, disturbed, irritated, frustrated, disappointed, upset, angry, depressed, unhappy and any other unpleasant states of mind, whenever the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses that the mind doesn't like, doesn't want and disagrees with, or when our mind doesn't come in contact with the objects of the senses that the mind likes, wants and agrees with.

When qualities that give rise to bad and unhappy feelings are predominant in the moment, then we can say that we have a rather "unhappy" state of mind in the present moment...

The qualities that give rise to bad and unhappy feelings usually are (but not limited to) negative thinking, pessimism, impatience, intolerance, non-acceptance, non-adaptation, non-adjustment, non-accommodation, resentment, anger, hatred, animosity, greed, jealousy, pride, arrogance, impulsiveness, apathy, low self-esteem, faithlessness, incorrect understanding, wrong views, aggressiveness, offensiveness, defensiveness, ill-wills, selfishness, and etc... As all these qualities make our mind easily to be annoyed, disturbed, irritated, frustrated, disappointed, upset, angry, depressed, unhappy and any other unpleasant states of mind, whenever our mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses that the mind doesn't like, doesn't want and disagree with, or when the mind doesn't come in contact with the objects of the senses that the mind likes, wants and agrees with.

Our personalities, behavior, actions and reactions, feelings and emotions are reflected upon the presence and absence of all these elements or qualities in our mind in the present moment...

It also depends on how strong is the attachment and identification towards the selfless restless modification of the mind, the intellect, or the ego, or attachment and identification towards all the beliefs, educational, religious, cultural, social and family background that make up this "I", that determining or influencing us whether our mind will easily be happy or be unhappy...

A person who was very calm and happy can suddenly become very agitated or disturbed. A person who was agitated or disturbed can suddenly become very calm and happy. This is all due to the nature of fluctuation of the different impermanent qualities occupying the modification of the mind...

Usually when we get the things that we agree with, that we like and want, we (our mind) will feel good and happy... And when we don't get the things that we agree with, that we like and want, we (our mind) will feel bad and unhappy... When we get the things that we disagree with, that we don't like and don't want, we (our mind) will feel bad and unhappy... And when we don't get the things that we disagree with, that we don't like and don't want, we (our mind) will feel good and happy...

It is about what our mind likes and dislikes, wants and doesn't want, agreements and disagreements... It is not because of the things that we come in contact with are "good" or "not good"... As everyone has different points of views and categorizations about what is "good" and what is "not good"... And so, if we ever feel unhappy about something, it is because our mind doesn't like and doesn't want or disagree with the things and happenings that we come in contact with. It is not the things and happenings that make us unhappy. Like wise, if we ever feel happy about something, it is because our mind likes and wants, or agree with the things and happenings that we come in contact with. It is not the things and happenings that make us happy.

All these things and happenings have no qualities or intentions to make anyone happy or unhappy. For the same thing and same happening, some people will feel happy, but some other people will feel unhappy...

If we truly want to have sustainable happiness that lasts longer, we need to work with reducing, minimizing or eliminating the qualities that give rise to bad and unhappy feelings, and increase, maximize or cultivate the qualities that give rise to good and happy feelings... As well as working on letting go of craving and clinging towards what we like and agree with, and letting go of aversion towards what we don't like and disagree with, that will eventually lead us to realize unconditional peace that is always there, unconditional and unlimited...

And this practice is about letting go of the ego, or the idea of 'I', as likes and dislikes, wants and don't wants, agreements and disagreements, are all coming from the ego...

If we have a mind occupying with lots of elements or qualities that contribute to good and happy feelings, then we can say that, we are happy people with happy personality and behavior. But this won't guarantee us pure and lasting happiness if we are still influenced by the qualities that give rise to bad and unhappy feelings that are existing in the mind together with the qualities that contribute good and happy feelings... And so, it is very important to try to eliminate all the qualities that give rise to bad and unhappy feelings.

Ultimately, if we know how to let go of the idea of 'I', void of identification with the selfless impermanent modification of the mind, then all these qualities are just qualities, they have no value or power to determine or influence us to be happy, or not... There's no need to hold onto, or identify with, or associate with, or attached onto all these good and bad feelings that keep arising and passing away, as their nature is also selfless and impermanent... It is just the mind being happy or unhappy being influenced or determined by all these qualities in this moment, it is not "I", it is not "me"... There is no "I" or "me" being there experiencing all these impermanent feelings, but there's a selfless awareness that is aware of the mind is experiencing all these impermanent feelings and emotions... And this selfless awareness is a silent witness or observer... It is unaffected, undisturbed, undetermined, uninfluenced, uncontaminated by all the impermanent modifications of the mind about good or bad, happiness or unhappiness, positive or negative, meaningful or meaningless...

But before we are able to be completely be free from the idea of 'I', as long as there is still an idea of 'I' identifying with the modification of the mind, as "I" or "me", and thinking that "I" am experiencing all these feelings and emotions, then we can work on countering negativities with positivities, or eliminating the "negative", "bad" and "unhappy" elements or qualities from the mind, and replace with "positive", "good" and "happy" elements or qualities... And be a happier person with a happier mind. Or else we can still be happy with ourselves for being an unhappy person with an unhappy mind, that is impermanent... Or, allowing and accepting ourselves (the mind) to be happy sometimes and be unhappy some other times... All are impermanent.

Most important is that we are aware of all these good and bad feelings, and accept ourselves (the mind under the idea of 'I') as we are, and have control over our actions and speech, so that we do not generate or inflict harmful, hurtful or disharmonious actions and speech unto other people or beings that we come in contact with, especially when our mind is in a disturbed or unhappy state of mind...

Sometimes when our mind is over-powered by impurities or qualities that are "unpleasant", we are not happy, we might intentionally do or say something that will irritate or hurt some other people to feel better, good and excited, as that will make our ego feels strong and powerful by bullying other people or beings, by inflicting painful sorrow onto other beings physically or mentally, to get some sort of superiority, control, satisfaction, excitement, stimulation, or happy sensations... And sometimes we like the sensations that come from being angry and jealous. It gives the mind some sorts of stimulation or excitement... We enjoy being in a state of anger and jealousy. It makes our mind feels stimulated. We constantly looking for contradictions and arguments with other people to excite or stimulate our mind... Especially when we "think" we win over the arguments, it's really empowering our ego, to feel "I" am strong, "I" am superior, "I" am in control... Most of the time, it isn't because we are right and intelligent, and other people don't want to argue with us and let us "win", but it is actually other people being emotionally matured and are wiser than us, and don't need this kind of mind games to boost their egos, to feel strong, to feel superior, to be in control of anything...

If that is the case, we really need to seek consultations from somebody who doesn't need to depend on hurting or harming other beings to be happy, who is self-controlled and is happy as he is or as she is... Or else, when we are totally or completely over-powered by this type of behavior, we can't control our own behavior anymore, then we might have to end up in mental institution or psychiatric hospital, and be controlled by drugs, and this will be wasting our life time and life existence to have the opportunity to do so many wonderful things for ourselves and other beings... 

 

In the beginning, we are behaving like this is because out of ignorance and egoism, we want to be strong and superior, we want to have control over things or other people, we want to be the one in control of everything, but we end up losing control over ourselves (our mind), our sanity, our strength and ability to be "what we want to be"... What a destructive way to try to gain superiority, control and power...

Om shanti.

A little story about human's behavior...

In Malaysia, most people will take off their shoes and wash their feet before entering the house or the temple. This is to avoid dirts dirtying the house or the temples (as sacred and pure places). This is also to show respect to the people who live in the house. We are usually bare-footing inside our house. This has became an automatic behavior for most people.

But in most business centres, shops, schools or offices, we do keep the shoes on. There are many Malay's shops still keep this tradition of "No shoes in the shop". And we would and we should respect this traditional culture.

One day, I went to a photo shop in Pantai Cenang near our house to photocopy some documents.

It has been a very long time since the last time I went into this shop (more than a year ago).

I saw many pairs of shoes in front of the entrance of the photo shop and some people are inside the shop waiting to have their photos print out and to photocopy their documents.

Without any doubts I took off my shoes and stepped into the shop. Immediately my feet could feel the dirts on the floor. But I didn't bother about it. It's not surprised that there would be sand and dirts on the floor because here is a beach area. Sand would follow our feet and came into the shop.

I found a chair to sit down and wait for my turn. It was quite busy in the shop then.

Well, I could still barely remember that when the last time I was there, I didn't have to take off my shoes. Out of curiosity I started to look at the photo shop's owner's feet to see whether he had his shoes on or not. Well, he did had his shoes on.

But then I had another thought that maybe he was wearing a separate indoor shoes for working in the shop. And so, I went out and take a quick look at the door and the wall in front the shop to see whether he had a sign board stating like "Please take off your shoes" or "Please remove your shoes before entering" or "Barefoot inside" and etc...

I found no signs at all.

And so, I wore back my shoes and went in again, and sat down.

I continued to observe some more customers that came into the shop. No matter they were Chinese, or Malay, or even foreigner, they all took off their shoes automatically before entering. There were more shoes outside the door then.

This had shown that how many people would show respect to other people's culture, and also how many people are being very nice and obeying the rules in this Malaysian society. This is nothing wrong. But there's another thing here for us to reflect is, human beings are imitating creatures and easily being influenced by other people's behavior...

No body and no sign board was there to tell anyone to remove their shoes, but everyone would automatically removed their shoes just because they saw other people's shoes were outside the door. And we would think, "Okay, seems like no shoes are allowed inside, I need to remove the shoes before entering the shop then."

It all begun with the first person who took off the shoes (I guessed this person must have the habits to remove shoes before entering any buildings). And then the next person and all other people would automatically followed this same action to show respect to the culture. This is one of the patterns of the human's behavior or mind's reaction.

When it was my turn for photocopy my things, I took the chance to ask the shop owner whether it was a new rule now that shoes are not allowed in the shop? He smiled and shook his head saying that there is no need to take off the shoes to come into the shop. Because if it was a new rule, then I would apologized to him and leave my shoes outside the shop then.

Well, maybe I was the odd one there to reason should I do as all other people are doing (even though at the beginning I took off my shoes when I saw there were many shoes outside the door, to show respect to the shop owner for keeping his shop clean).

I guess, lots of people will think, "Well, since majority people are doing the same thing, then it must be something right and good for us then... And we should follow what most people are doing."

This is what happening in our society nowadays, isn't it? There are lots of violence, crimes, hatred and killings everywhere in the world now...

When one person points at a man and shouts out loud in a big crowd, "Hey! That man is a rapist and a murderer! He is evil!" Some people would start to react and spread the words from mouth to mouth, and everyone might start to believe that this man is really evil and get fired up (since everyone are also talking about it, it might be true then), and might be beating up this man to death even before reasoning about the truth...

Om shanti.