Before and after the mind realizes and understands towards selflessness and timelessness

Before the mind realizes and understands towards selflessness (There's not a permanent independent individual existence of 'I') and timelessness (There's no past or future. There's only the present moment now. Time is only the reflection of impermanent changes. Life is only now, and it's impermanent), the worldly passionate egoistic restless mind needs to adopt certain observation and restriction, as well as to be developing certain types of discipline through devoting or immersing into performing regular practice on the different disciplines, that help to weaken the idea of 'I' and egoism, that help to lessen impurities and restlessness, in order to prepare the mind for meditation and self-inquiry.

After the mind realizes and understands towards selflessness and timelessness via self-realization, the liberated egoless/selfless mind doesn't need to observe any observation or restriction, and doesn't need to be performing any kind of practice regularly to be developing any form of discipline, as the mind is devoid of ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness, where the mind is free from the suffering deriving from all that.

All kinds of yoga practice, is to be allowing the mind to see the truth of selflessness and impermanence, to attain direct experience or realization towards selflessness and impermanence. All kinds of benefits or side-effects are also selfless and impermanent. They are not the goal of the practice. No matter how fit, healthy, strong, and flexible the body can or cannot become through devoted regular practice, no matter how comfortable or uncomfortable one can be in any positions or movements, and no matter what is the state of the mind, all are selfless and impermanent, all will change.

It's the absence of the ego/the idea of 'I' and egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, comparison, judgment, and expectation, that allows the selfless mind to be resting in silence, or unconditional peace, transcending the selfless impermanent states of the mind influenced by the selfless energy fields (Gunas), and all kinds of selfless impermanent changes that constantly changing, governed by the nature's law of cause and effect.

The breath (Prana) is life. Without the breath, there is no life. The breath (Life) is selfless and impermanent. The breath cannot just coming and not going, or just going and not coming, or not coming and not going for too long. The breath is still coming and going as it is, or occasionally pausing for a few moments as it is, and eventually it will stop coming and going, as it is, regardless of whether the mind is aware of the breath, or not, and whether the mind appreciates the breath (life), or not. The practice of observing the natural breath coming and going, without trying to control or change the breath being what it is, allowing the breath to be fast, or to be slow, or to pause for a few moments, is all about allowing the mind to respect impermanence, and be able to let go in peace, devoid of any desire of craving or aversion, upon the breath stops coming and going.

Similarly, the practice of doing one's best in performing all kinds of yoga practice, actions, duties and responsibilities, but without attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, comparison, judgment and expectation towards the yoga practice/actions/duties/responsibilities and the fruit of the yoga practice/actions/duties/responsibilities, is about be kind to the body and mind by respecting the body and mind as it is, without forcing the body and mind beyond its limitation, without hurting the body and mind, and in the end, is all about allowing the mind to realize and understand that -

"The body and mind is imperfect and impermanent. Life is imperfect and impermanent. Regardless of whether good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, meaningful or meaningless, joyful or sorrowful, success or failure, happy or unhappy, literate or illiterate, knowledgeable or non-knowledgeable, kind or unkind, selfish or unselfish, healthy or unhealthy, vegetarian or non-vegetarian, long-lived or short-lived, spiritual or non-spiritual, religious or non-religious, and rich or poor, all and everyone will die. All are dying from the moment of being born, however, the mind that is free from ignorance and egoism, that realizes and understands towards selflessness and timelessness, will still be doing its best to live life as it is. Appreciating life, but without holding onto life, while making use of the selfless impermanent life existence to be performing all kinds of actions via the selfless impermanent physical body that would be beneficial to all and everyone, while not being determined or disturbed by selfless impermanent changes, of decay, weakness, illness, old age, discomfort, disability, limitation, pain, or death."

There is no fear and worry in such mind. Decay, weakness, illness, old age, discomfort, disability, limitation, pain, or death, is not something bad, or inauspicious, or negative, or sorrowful, or suffering, if the mind is free from ignorance, the idea of 'I', egoism, impurities, and restlessness, where the mind is peaceful as it is, regardless of all kinds of impermanent changes that is happening in the body and mind, and in the world that doesn't belong to anyone or anything, governed by the nature's law of cause and effect.

There is no sense of superiority or inferiority in such mind. Separateness, discrimination, and desire of craving and aversion towards the different qualities of different names and forms doesn't exist in such mind.

If there is still the sense of superiority or inferiority, righteousness or wrongfulness, goodness or badness, meaningfulness or meaninglessness, joyfulness or sorrowfulness, positiveness or negativeness, and etc, in the mind towards certain qualities of certain names and forms that it perceives in itself and others, where there is still the presence of the sense of separateness, discrimination, and desire of craving and aversion towards certain 'superior' or 'inferior' qualities of names and forms in itself and others, where there is still the sense of belonging, pride, possessiveness, offensiveness, defensiveness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, greed, discontentment, fear, worry, hurt, bitterness, loneliness, guilt, regret, shame, and so on, then it indicates that the mind is still very much under the influence of ignorance, the idea of 'I', and egoism, regardless of how long and how much the mind has been devoting most of its priority/attention/effort/energy/Prana/life into practicing and/or teaching certain type of yoga, persistently and regularly, and has been achieving extensive momentary physical and mental benefits and enhancements via the devoted persistent regular yoga practice.

There's neither right nor wrong. The mind just need to keep practicing. All minds take their own pace and cause to evolve/inquire/realize, and be free.

More importantly, regardless of whether any mind is being perceived, acknowledged and identified by itself and/or others as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative, meaningful or meaningless, joyful or sorrowful, success or failure, happy or unhappy, literate or illiterate, knowledgeable or non-knowledgeable, kind or unkind, selfish or unselfish, healthy or unhealthy, vegetarian or non-vegetarian, long-lived or short-lived, spiritual or non-spiritual, religious or non-religious, and rich or poor, it doesn't change the truth of selflessness and impermanence. It doesn't guarantee that the mind is, or will be free from ignorance and the suffering deriving from being ignorant, but then, all minds can be free from ignorance and suffering upon attaining self-realization towards selflessness and timelessness.

The one and only GURU is the mind itself.

Inquire towards the truth of everything.

My life stories - Part 20 (Balancing life and settling in)

My life Stories – Part 20 (Balancing life and settling in)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

After working full time without a break for a year and dealing with the exhausting apartment hunting process, my husband needed to take a break, which is a natural cycle for everyone to be looking after the physical and mental well-being. We didn't have any particular holiday destination. The cheapest flight destination departing from Geneva that we found was Portugal, and we have never been to Portugal before. And hence, we bought the flight ticket even before we found this apartment. We wanted to fly out from Geneva because it was easier, time and energy saving, and it's closer to us than departing from Paris.

In the early morning of the day that we were leaving to Geneva, we received the long waited message from the Prefecture. After waited for 9 months, having visited the Prefecture three times and renewed our temporary residence permit twice, we were going to get our actual residence permit finally.

And so, instead of the initial plan of taking the train to Geneva in the afternoon to begin our holiday, we decided to take the train to Annecy in the morning to collect our residence permit, and then taking the train from there to Geneva.

Upon buying the train ticket at the train station in Evian-Les-Bains, we were being told that all the morning trains have been replaced by buses due to the ongoing strike in France. It's more tiring and less comfortable to travel by bus, but we didn't mind, as we totally understand the difficulty that many working class people in the world have to go through as cost of living is getting higher and higher, but salary is not keeping up with the inflation. It's 'meh' to see many down to earth honest people have to spend many hours and effort into working, but still can't make enough to support basic needs, or barely get by, not that they are big spender on needless things and activities, while most employers/business owners are being inconsiderate, greedy and stingy, hoarding wealth more than they ever need in this life time.

We were grateful that we could still take two buses to reach Annecy and that we would arrive just in time for the walk-in opening hour between 1:30 pm and 3:30 pm to collect our residence permit. The Prefecture is located within a short distance less than ten minutes walk from the train station.

There was already a long queue when we arrived at the gate of the Prefecture just before 1:30 pm, as some people were already waiting in queue as early as half an hour before the opening time. However, we all didn't have to wait too long for the entire process that went smoothly. We thankfully received our residence permit in short time, and without any expectation, the residence permit is valid for 5 years from the date of issue. We thought it would be valid only for one year. Our residence permit is free of charge because my husband is European. I can also get involve in any kind of professions legally.

All our four times experience dealing with the different officers in the Prefecture were very nice, as all the people who work there - the guards, the front desk/ticket counter receptionists and the documentation verification and processing officers were all very friendly, patient and helpful, or even humorous, without the barrier or the sense of authoritarian superiority that exists in certain countries. Such humanized governmental process makes everyone more relaxed, which makes everything easier for both parties, as there will be less unnecessary complication arise under such welcoming calmed and relaxed manner.

After that, we headed back to the train station immediately to get the next available train to Geneva. We didn't have to waste much time. The next day we were in Porto for 5 nights and then Lisbon for 4 nights. It was a nice experience, where we walked a lot exploring the town without knowing much about Portugal, and without any planned ahead itinerary or things to see and do.

We heard before about Portugal is the cheapest country in Europe, however, after visiting several random grocery store and supermarket in Porto and Lisbon to check out the prices of everyday grocery there, we found that it's not any cheaper than France, especially when the salary in Portugal is a lot lower than in France. It's not surprise that more and more people are getting unhappy and frustrated.

During the flight back to Geneva, there was quite some intense turbulence due to rough weather, but surprisingly, this body didn't get sick this time. The couple sitting behind us were "Ooh La La!" every time the flight jerked up and down suddenly, which made me giggled so much. My husband and I joked about the pilot kept reminding everyone every now and then, "Make sure your seat belt is fastened," that made the minds wondered, "Is there something serious that the pilot doesn't want to tell us?" Anyway, the plane touched down safely, and many people were clapping.

We went straight to the train station in Geneva airport to get the next connecting trains back to Evian-Les-Bains. The cashier told us that there were no connecting train to Evian-Les-Bains since more than a week ago due to the strike. We could either take two trains to Annemasse transiting in Geneva, and then see what was available in Annemasse, or we could either take a taxi from Geneva to Evian-Les-Bains, which was too expensive for us, or we could take the train to Lausanne and then taking the boat from Lausanne to Evian-Les-Bains, which was also too expensive for us, as well as we wouldn't be able to be back in Evian until the next day, which meant that my husband wouldn't be able to get some sleep before work. And so, we decided to just take the chance of going to Annemasse, and see what would be available and possible there. If we had no other options but had to take a taxi from Annemasse, we'll let it be.

When we arrived in Annemasse, we found out that actually there were still trains running towards Evian-Les-Bains, and the next available train would be departing in 15 minutes. We immediately purchased our ticket from the machine and went straight to the platform. As soon as we came out from the train station in Evian-Les-Bains, a bus that could get us to somewhere closer to our apartment up the hill was already there. Usually, we would walk up the hill from the train station to our apartment, but since it was raining and we had been travelling for many hours, and the bus was there available to us, we just hopped onto the bus without hesitation. And the bus driver was very kind, where he dropped us closer to our apartment instead of at the bus stop that was further away because it was raining quite heavily.

Because we managed to get home before 8:30 pm, it meant that I could run the washing machine to wash the accumulated laundry. I learnt that it's prohibited to run the washing machine between 10:00 pm and 6:00 am (certain apartments until 8:00 am) in France unless we live in a detached house, which I agree with. Most apartment buildings here are not very soundproofed. In the last apartment, the agent told us that we were not allowed to shower or do any kind of washing between 10:00 pm and 6:00 am. That was ridiculous. Even though my husband told me that some people don't care about rules and regulations here in France, while it's not so much about obeying rules and regulations blindly, but out of freewill, I don't want to run the noisy washing machine after 10.00 pm which may cause disturbance to our neighbours, unless it's an exceptionally quiet washing machine. Many of our neighbours are hardworking people who go out to work in the day for many hours including spending time in commuting between home and work place, and they need to have good rest during the night. Some people leave home before 6:30 am and come home after 8:30 pm.

After we moved to this homely apartment and received our residence permit, we are finally settling in. Thank you.

All is impermanent, while being in the present moment.

My life stories - Part 19 (Life and learning amidst impermanent changes and challenges)

My life Stories – Part 19 (Life and learning amidst impermanent changes and challenges)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

It has been more than a year since we arrived in France. Even though there will always be some ongoing impermanent changes and challenges in life to deal with, just like everyone else and anywhere in this world, we appreciate our life and the opportunity of residing here in France. This body and mind also get to experience life under four seasons and keep learning amidst impermanent changes and challenges.

In the beginning, we were staying in the hotel for two and a half months while going through the process of finding a 'long term but not really' living space to rent here in Evian-Les-Bains, as well as dealing with the prolonged legal documentation procedures for residing in France, which is still going on because there's a lot of backlog in the respective department since the pandemic started, where both process are equally time, energy and money consuming. It's particularly challenging for my husband, as he needed to be working full time under a new environment after living a slow paced way of life in Malaysia for many years, while at the same time, spending additional time and energy and money into doing all kind of paperwork and communication in French, which I can't help at all.

In April 2022, we managed to find a small studio apartment to rent nearby the hotel that was within our budget and eligibility. Its great location that is being very close to the hotel, as well as the reality of great difficulty to be renting an apartment due to the high demand and low supply in the property market here, was the main reason why we didn't hesitate too much for renting that studio apartment, knowing that it's only suitable for temporary stay, while we take our time to look for another more suitable living space. We were being 'reminded' by the hotel management that we needed to move out from the hotel before the end of April, as well as we ourselves also wanted to have a 'proper' living space, where we can prepare and cook our own food on daily basis, and so, we took that apartment, after seeing some other apartments that were in worse condition and of higher rent.

At the time when we visited that apartment, we already knew that there were some issues existing in the apartment, however, the property agent 'had promised' that certain 'important' issue with the apartment would be resolved within the next few months after we moved in, which didn't happen, but it had been causing us certain inconvenience, consuming our time and energy. After we moved in and were living there for some time, we started to be aware of some other issues that exist in that studio apartment, which were seriously affecting our physical well-being.

Not long after we moved in, I was suffering from back and hips problem due to the bad quality mattress and the fixed table and bench that didn't have the right height. I also suffered from repeated knees and foot injury due to the awkward way of getting in and out of the bed under the tight space, where I 'carelessly' knocked either my knee or my foot into the bed frame or the pillar for countless times, and also spraining my knees going up and down the narrow and steep staircase for accessing the tiny loft space that we used as wardrobe and laundry drying area, where there were a few times, I 'carelessly' missed a step and nearly fell down from the stair. I was also suffering from respiratory problem.

The inefficient heating system positioned below the non-insulated old windows that couldn't be closed properly, where cold air keeps coming in through the gap around the windows, couldn't warm up the room properly, was another common issue with many apartments in poorly insulated old buildings in this type of climate. Mold is a common problem that exists in many apartments in the old buildings here particularly in the areas that are cold and wet. Unless one has no other choice at all, it's not recommended to rent any of the old apartments that are not well insulated, as the tenant would be accountable for the existing mold issue that was already there before one moves in, but was being cleaned up before the new tenant moving into the apartment, and for sure the mold will be manifesting again during the upcoming wet and cold winter, even with the heating is on most of the time. It's unfortunate that the highly efficient energy saving floor heating that is widely being used in Asian countries like South Korea, hasn't gained much popularity here.

We had to wrap ourselves in many layers of warm clothing in the apartment even when the two heaters were switched on for many hours at the highest temperature available, while we were paying higher electricity bill for using those inefficient heaters that couldn't warm up the room efficiently. There were also some 'pests' issue during the warmer months, where hundreds of tiny 'pests' came out from underneath the flooring everyday, which I picked them and threw them out from the window, restlessly.

Another important issue, was that my husband couldn't rest/sleep well because of his high sensitivity towards light, sound and smell, on top of many years suffering from painful tinnitus. Two people living in a small studio apartment with squeaky wooden flooring and furniture, where the kitchen, dining, shower/toilet and bed are all within the same space of 20 square meters, on top of the non-soundproof wall between the immediate neighbours on the same floor, doesn't help either. I couldn't really move/do much in the apartment until my husband left the apartment for working at night, where I usually cleaned the apartment, washed the shower and toilet, cooked and had my dinner/supper, and did some modified stretching exercises in the middle of the night, and would wait until my husband came back from work to sleep at the same time as him during the day, to minimize 'movements', 'lights' and 'noises' in the room. However, during the warmer months, there were random people hanging out, chitchatting, getting drunk and shouting loudly in front of the supermarket that is right next to the apartment.

The shower/toilet in a tight space was also another issue, where we had to keep the bathroom door open when we wanted to sit down or get up from the toilet, as the door was just right in front of the toilet, while stepping up and down the shower box that was one step higher from the floor right beside the toilet, where the shower door can only be half opened being blocked by the toilet, is another awkward challenging movement before and after a shower. A space like that might be okay if there's only one person living there, as the dining table is right in front of the toilet, it's really inconvenient when someone is having a meal while another person needs to use the toilet making certain 'actions', 'noises' and 'smells'. When Marc's parents came to visit us in October, we couldn't use the toilet when we were all in the room (apartment).

And hence, the process of finding another apartment to rent had begun some time in October.

Of course, it's another few months of apartment hunting challenge, particularly for my husband who was already struggling with not getting enough rest/sleep/free time/personal space/privacy/daylight/fresh air, due to the existing issues while living in that studio apartment, and he had to spend his precious off-days to be dealing with the exhausting complicated documentation procedure with the different property agencies and apartments viewing, and then, dealing with the repeated hammering of great disappointment for being unable to get the apartment(s) that we thought was suitable, due to there are too many other candidates competing to get an apartment. It's understandable that he was getting tired physically and mentally for spending his time and energy to be writing countless emails, filling up forms and making phone calls during the day time office hours while he needed to sleep in the day after working night shift, communicating back and forth with the property agents, and after spending time and energy viewing the different apartments that we thought were suitable, and yet, we still couldn't manage to get one.

Some of the property agents put on the "Can't you see that I am very busy" attitude, because they are never short of business, as there are too many people desperately looking for a living place to rent, as more and more people are not eligible or couldn't afford to buy and own a property, however, we came across a young woman from the Bochaton Immobilier, who is very friendly, welcoming and informative, who is happy with what she does. It gave us a rare but nice apartment hunting experience even though we didn't rent the apartment from them, as it was not suitable.

Finally, one day in January, we found an apartment with a separate bedroom, separate shower/toilet that is not in the bedroom or kitchen, with a bigger kitchen and living space, even though it's not the most suitable apartment, as the rent is higher, while the location is not great for my husband where he needs to spend more time and energy into commuting between work place and home, and the shower has some defect, but everything else is significantly a lot more better. And more importantly, the owner wanted to rent his apartment to us. It's not perfect, but, that's the nature of everything. He said he was shocked that there were more than 40 requests showing interest in his apartment on the day he put up the advertisement, being compared to two years ago, there were only five requests, and there were four other people viewing the apartment at the same time when we were there.

And so, we moved again. Being busy with the moving, lots of cleaning and the many paperwork with different organizations for changing address/signing up new account/ending old account during the month of January, while knowing that we won't know the exact pros and cons of the new apartment until we moved in and live there for some time, living through the different timing and season, where different activities/things happen during different timing and season, learning from the previous experience.

After living here for two weeks now, we are glad to know that it's the right move that has to be done the sooner the better, even though it's not perfect, but for the sake of looking after our physical well-being.

We both find this apartment very homely. My husband is definitely having better rest/sleep, while my back and hips problem, as well as the knees injury and respiratory issue are slowly recovering, where now this body can gradually perform many of the yoga poses that it couldn't practice in the past twelve months due to the space limitation and ongoing physical injuries, although yoga and the yoga practice is not limited by physical and space limitation to be doing some yoga poses. It's about whether the mind has been developing the correct understanding, transcending the impermanent qualities of names and forms, being undetermined and uninfluenced by all kind of impermanent changes, challenges, pain, difficulty and obstacle in everyday life, being free from egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation.

Even though it was cold snowy winter weather in the past two weeks, where the air temperature dropped below 0 degree on certain days, we were bare-footing and wearing only one layer of clothing in the apartment, with only one heater in the bathroom that is obliged to turn on all time during the entire winter, which we agreed with, and it works efficiently as how it should be.

I also have more freedom, time and space to be doing something in the apartment, such as preparing and cooking meals, cleaning and washing, doing some yoga exercise, or merely using the bathroom and enjoying the daylight, in the day, while my husband is resting/sleeping in the bedroom with the shutter down and door closed. The solid flooring also doesn't make squeaky noise when I move around in the apartment. There are two balconies that we don't use at the moment because of the cold winter, but they give us the view of the mountains and the sky, where we can make use the outdoor space in spring and autumn. The laundry get dry quickly because of the unblocked sunlight comes directly into the room for many hours in the day. It will be hot in the summer definitely, but, it's okay, as the hot summer is only for a couple of months, but the cold and wet weather will be here for many months.

Even though the apartment hunting process and the prolonged ongoing legal documentation procedure was a bit challenging for us, and the experience of dealing with some of the property agents were not that nice, but after one year living here, we are thankful to this country that has been very kind to us, where we are being looked after by the social health care and welfare system here, and in general, it's very safe and peaceful here in this little town, particularly.

All is impermanent.

READ ON

A dream

This was a dream.

I was in front of a school that I didn't recognized.

A large group of students were preparing themselves to get onto the buses that will bring them to somewhere. I understood that I was supposed to get on the bus as well.

I was pondering about what type of temperature at the place that we were going to and will be staying for awhile. It could be cold, and I might need to bring some warm clothes.

"What do I need to pack for the journey and moving to the new place?" Asking myself.

A voice said, "No need anything."

All the other students had already gone into their respective buses with their names written on the lists displayed on the different buses.

The buses were starting to leave one by one.

I was looking for a name that I recognized as mine as the buses passed by in front of me. But, I didn't see a name that I recognized as mine on any of the buses.

Suddenly, my mentor appeared, and he asked me to follow him towards one particular bus.

Not like the other buses, this bus has no wheels, sort of floating in the air at the height of above our head.

He knocked on the bus from below, and said something to someone on the bus.

A doorway opened up with light coming from inside the bus shining down to the ground. My mentor said, "Get on."

The doorway was just an opening under the bus, and there were no steps or ladder below the doorway for me to get onto the bus. I was wondering how should I get onto the bus.

And then, I was being lifted by something onto the bus through that doorway.

There were a few empty seats, and a man pointed at a seat in the back of the odd square shaped bus to me. I walked towards the seat and sat down.

I looked out from the window. There was no road. The bus was floating and moving in the sky.

We arrived at a place. It was a waterfront. I walked towards the beach closer to the edge of the water and was looking at everyone else that were there.

I started to understand why I didn't need to pack or bring anything with me.

I didn't need to carry or have anything with me.

No food. No drinks. No clothing. No purse. No money. No passport. No ID card. And, nameless.

I could eat and drink if I wish, and any food and drinks would appear as I wish. However, there was no hunger, no thirst. I didn't need to eat or drink, to satisfy hunger and thirst. And, there was no need to pee and shit.

When there was a breeze, warm clothes naturally appeared on me. I was neither too hot nor too cold. The clothing on everyone changed by itself naturally in accordance to the temperature.

There was no heaviness, no discomfort, no irritation, no tiredness, no sleepiness.

Everyone there were also the same. Anything that was needed to be there would just appear as it is, naturally, even without the idea of desiring or needing anything beforehand. Things also disappeared as they were, when they were no longer needed to be there. There was no rubbish.

There were some soundless, heatless, smokeless, transparent vehicles carrying people in them moving above the ground. The vehicles were formed by ray of lights shaping the entire structure, with no engine or any other solid compartments.

There's no noisy talking, no shouting, no arguing, no screaming, no crying. There's no reason to be talking, shouting, arguing, screaming, or crying. Everyone was doing their own thing in peace, and not interfering with one another.

It was a place that seemed to be free from the restless need to be existing, surviving and living or free from bodily maintenance, free from inter-dependency, interference, undesirableness, unpleasantness, disagreement, pain, fear, worry, hassle, threat, affliction, violence and chaos, or even maybe a suffering free existence in a perfect world that the imaginative thinking would wish for a world to be like, where everyone's existence appeared to be absolutely free as it is, however, "This is not the final destination and liberation," a voice in me, and I woke up remembering the dream (the mind creation out of a subtle wishful desire when I was little).

My life stories - Part 17 (Uncertainty - That's life, and it's okay)

My life Stories – Part 17 (Uncertainty - That's life, and it's okay)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

Before we came to France, we had contacted the French embassy in Kuala Lumpur to enquire about the legal procedure for me as the non-European spouse of an European citizen to be residing in France, regarding whether I needed to apply for a long term visa for entering France among some other things.

They said that as the spouse of an European citizen moving to France with my European husband, I don't need a long term visa to enter France. I just needed to enter France as a tourist and then apply for the resident card in France within 90 days after arrival. We also checked online for getting ready all the required documents for applying the resident card.

We wanted to apply for the resident card as soon as possible during the first week after we arrived. Being unsure about many things, we went to the sub-prefecture here to inquire about it, and we were being told that we needed to get to the main branch in Annecy for applying the resident card, but before that can happen, we needed to wait until my husband has renewed his old Health Medical Card, which afterwards we found out over the counter on the day when we went for the appointment that this procedure is unnecessary as my husband is actively being employed in France. Didn't know that it was a misinformation being given to us, we had followed the instructions from that officer. And hence, we waited until my husband renewed the Health Medical Card after receiving his first payslip, which then would take many weeks for it to be processed. And after that, we needed to make an online appointment reservation via the website that was being introduced due to the pandemic.

We didn't want to wait until two months later for us to start trying to get an appointment. As soon as he sent off the documents for renewing his Health Medical Card upon receiving his first payslip in the beginning of March, we started trying to get an appointment for applying the resident card, however, it wasn't easy at all.

We were told by the officer in the sub-prefecture office that we should try to make an appointment through the website on Sunday nights at 12 midnight. We didn't understand why it has to be at midnight hour and only available on Sundays, but we just follow his advice. Not just that we have tried to make a reservation for an appointment on Sunday midnight, but we also tried on different days and different timing, and we still couldn't even get through the first step which is about the available date and time slots. We have been trying a few times everyday for a few weeks and we still couldn't get an appointment. And apparently, it's not possible to make a phone call to talk to someone.

It was quite unsettling for us, as I might need to fly out of France and Europe if I still couldn't get an appointment before the deadline of 90 days after arrival. It would cost a lot of money and troubles to be travelling during the pandemic which was still going strong in many countries at that time.

Since it's not possible to just make a phone call to enquire about anything, we made an effort to re-visit the sub-prefecture on my husband's off day, to see if we can find out about what can we do, if we still couldn't get an appointment, however, the one and only officer who is responsible for administrating the foreigners affair, was on holiday for that whole week. While the other people who are working there 'refuse' to take any of our questions even before we asked anything, by saying that it's not their department's responsibility. And so, we came back empty handed, and continuing trying to get onto the website to get an appointment. And nothing changed.

Meanwhile, I was also looking at flights and entry requirements in different countries for travelling amid the pandemic, about where can I fly to at the minimal cost, if I still couldn't get an appointment closer to the deadline. I was ready to just go somewhere, anywhere, if that's the way it has to be. This life journey has been teaching this mind that it doesn't need to fight against any difficulties, but just do its best to move on by gliding through the difficulties, allowing the current to bring it to where it is.

Then we looked at the website again to see if we can find some useful information, then only my husband found a contact form after browsing the website for some time, and sent a message via the contact form explaining about our situation. Surprisingly, we got an email reply on the same day telling us that the reservation slots will only be opened between 8 and 9 in the morning on Mondays.

And so, we waited for the upcoming Monday to come, and got onto the website even before 8 am. At last, we managed to make an appointment. There were less than 40 slots available for that particular week, and they all were gone within the first few minutes. No wonder we couldn't make a reservation after trying so many times. It reminded me about the time when we tried to make an appointment for the AZ vaccination in Malaysia where all the available slots were gone in less than half an hour as millions of people were racing to get an appointment for early vaccination.

Many people were so disappointed at that time as they couldn't get an appointment after trying very hard to get one, and then, they had to go through many months of uncertainty while waiting to receive their appointment date set by the health ministry department, by checking their status many times everyday, not knowing whether they will be getting an appointment for sure, as there was rumour about there were not enough vaccine for everyone, or when will they get it, while seeing some others who were younger were getting their appointment and vaccination done, but they themselves still haven't received an appointment after many months of waiting. The anxiety level was building up for many people who were anxiously waiting to receive their appointment, as there was no confidence and trust at all towards the 'messy' government at that time. Ironically, there were other people in many other countries in the world rejecting any kind of vaccination out of their own particular reasons, and the governments have been throwing out their expired unused vaccines. And that's their freedom.

Meanwhile, the earliest dates that we could get an appointment for applying the resident card were a few weeks after my 90 days deadline. And hence, immediately, my husband sent another email to them explaining about the situation of whether there will be any complication for me since I couldn't start applying for the resident card within the 90 days deadline due to the difficulty of booking the appointment slots. And very efficiently, they replied within a few hours, saying that they understood the complication that many people have been going through, and would take the confirmation email with the date of making the reservation for the appointment before the deadline as part of the application procedure, which means that I don't need to leave France. What a relief after two months of uncertainty trying to find a living space and dealing with legal documentation. That's life. And it's okay.

Finally, the appointment day arrived. We took the train to Annecy on the day before and stayed one night at the Hotel des Alpes (highly recommended for its cleanliness, friendly staff, and excellent location), to make sure that we won't miss the appointment due to any reasons, since it's very difficult to get an appointment. The next morning, we went to the Prefecture half an hour earlier than the appointment time, and got our numbers. After waiting for a few minutes, we were called.

It was a really fast and warm experience, maybe because we had prepared the few documents (both original and copy) that is needed for the application in the exact order that they asked for. The officer who attended our files, was really friendly, helpful and funny, which we normally don't see in some countries' government departments where most of the officers are very 'formal', or even 'shouting' at the people who are anxious and confused about many overly complicated procedures. She was really 'impressed' that we even had kept our flight tickets that show which date that we arrived in France. It was a complete opposite governmental affair experience from where I came from. After checking all our documents, we got our 'temporary' resident card being issued immediately, and I can now officially live and work in France. Usually the resident card will be ready within six months, but due to the past two years of pandemic, there are backlogs and delays in processing and issuing the resident card, but it's not a problem at all, said the officer. We can just go directly to the Prefecture in the afternoon without making appointment to renew the temporary card, if we still haven't received our resident card within six months. The entire application process took less than 30 minutes for both our applications. Thank you, France.

The world just needs more openness and humanity to make life easier and simpler for everyone. However, due to survival instinct on top of the political influenced racial and national identity, that is propagating selfishness and discrimination, more and more human beings in different areas in the world are heading towards the opposite of openness and humanity, which they don't realize that it will only lead towards many different types of complication and difficulty in all and everyone, including themselves.

We just do our best to make things work, if possible, and let it be.

Thank you.

My life stories - Part 16 (Finding a living space)

My life Stories – Part 16 (Finding a living space)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

(Updated in end of April)

From the beginning, we knew that it will be challenging for moving to another country starting a new life. We just do our best to do whatever we need to do, and let things fall into places as they are, at their own pace. While waiting for things to happen as they are after we did our best, there are certain difficulties that people need to go through due to the imperfect system created by human beings that are mostly unnecessary.

The longer we are here, the more glad and grateful we are for being here at the moment, despite of the inevitable difficulties. We love the region, the calmness, the people, the food, the architectures, the historical aspects, the well-developed infrastructure, the rubbish management, the nature, the seasonal climate, the democracy, the freedom of being and the freedom of expression.

I enjoy hearing people speaking in French even though I don't really know what people are talking about. Even though I don't mind that I am not interacting with anyone or if I am not being understood by others, I am still learning a little bit of French here and there, without forcing myself that I have to be able to speak fluent French within how many days/months/years. I have no difficulty for being at somewhere that I don't speak their language. Being kind and understanding towards others' imperfection, and respecting all the differences among the diversities, without interference towards others for being who and what they are, as well as having awareness and self-control not to cause unnecessary damages and inconveniences to others, is nothing to do with being able to be understanding and interacting with others in a specific language, or not. People who speak the same language might not necessary be kind and understanding towards each other.

Since we arrived in France, we have been 'living' in the hotel. No doubt that it's a very good and comfortable spacious room, a lot bigger than many apartments in France, but it's not an ideal permanent space for living. Even before we left Malaysia, my husband's manager already told him that it's very difficult to get an apartment for long term rental in France for those who are actually living and working here, especially in this area where property prices and rents are a lot more expensive than some other regions in France due to the high demand and low supply mainly because of the tourism industry as well as many French people who work near the border in Switzerland prefer to live in France as cost of living in Switzerland is a lot more expensive than in France, but then this also causes the rental apartments near the border in France went up higher as these people can afford higher rents than those who are actually living and working in France. Already there were few people telling us that we should work in Switzerland, as people who speak multiple languages are in high demand in Switzerland, and the pay is almost triple than in France doing the same work. Many apartments here are either catering for those who work in Switzerland or being converted into higher profit holiday rentals to yield higher profit. It's a place for people owning one or a few private holiday homes that sit empty most of the time.

It's quite a challenge for us to find a long term place to rent here based on what we can afford and the eligibility. It's not that difficult if people have a higher capacity and budget where they can rent any apartment that they like. It's also not so much of a problem if people have lower income, provided if they have been living in France for more than two years, because by then they are eligible to be getting special social housing rentals under the government's policy that looks after the welfare of the people more than some other countries' corrupted government that are not about looking after the people at all. My husband has some ongoing dental problems and had to pay a visit to the dentist some time ago, and this is covered by the social security health insurance. While living in Malaysia we had spent thousands of ringgit for several dental visits.

It's just rather difficult for people who have just arrived in France, starting a new job and have a rather low salary, to be looking for a living place to rent, as getting a long term rental in France is restricted by some obligated conditions, such as the need of showing past three months payslip in France, as well as one can only be eligible to rent a place where the rental is not more than one third of the salary. And hence, people can only be staying in a hotel or renting an AIRBNB for the first few months, which of cause is a lot more expensive than what people would like it to be.

We are grateful and thankful that the hotel management is being very thoughtful for addressing this 'difficulty' that all of their new employees who come from everywhere in the world have to go through, where they arrange free accommodation in the hotel for up to three months, allowing the new employees to take the required time to find their own space of living so that they don't need to worry too much on that issue while diverting their energy and attention onto their new job at a new environment.

Although long term rentals in France is still considered cheaper than in many other European countries, but due to the high demand and low supply, especially in certain areas that economically relying on tourism a lot, where many apartments are being operated as AIRBNB for higher profit, and the basic salary is struggling to catch up with the higher cost of living, quite many people who have lower income are having great difficulty finding a 'decent' long term rental at an affordable rate. Even so, it's still affordable for us to live in France than in Ireland, as we won't be able to afford to live in Ireland at all, even if my husband has a job there. The rental is at least doubled for the similar type of property and everything cost more expensive in Ireland, where the basic salary is not inline with the cost of living. Things will be more costly everywhere in the world now due to the ridiculous 'wars' on top of the long term side-effects of the prolonged pandemic.

The available long term rentals with cheaper rent are those that are not very well maintained apartments in some old buildings that consume higher rate of electricity usage and gas emission, which people try to avoid nowadays.

Even if some people might have some additional savings that allow them to rent a bigger and better place with higher rental, but it's not possible because they are being restricted by the income status on the monthly payslips, even when they propose to pay a full year rent in advance. On another side, they are also not eligible for getting certain rentals that are being reserved for social housing since they are living and working in France for less than two years.

It means that people are 'stuck' in such situation during the first two years living and working in France, as they couldn't find a 'reasonable' place to rent because of the low monthly income status and they are not qualified for applying social housing yet, or they can only be able to rent one of the unmaintained old apartments that required higher expenses on consuming electricity and gas, which is not economical and environmental friendly. Even when we went to the social welfare department in town asking for help in finding affordable rental apartment, they also said to us that they knew about this 'difficulty' that many French people and foreigners are facing, but that's the way it is, and there's nothing that they can do to help. They said that the earliest time that people can rent a social housing apartment is two years after initial application.

We have been trying to look for an apartment where we would prefer it's just a short walking distance from the hotel so that my husband doesn't need to waste too much time and energy on commuting between home and work place. If the apartment is not within feasible walking distance, we would need to spend more money on getting a car as well as bearing the additional expenses of having a car, which we try to avoid. Public transportation is available here conveniently, but the fixed schedule isn't suitable for my husband as he is working in the night shift. We also try to find an apartment that has a separate bedroom, so that my husband can have a good rest after work. However, I try to coordinate with my husband's sleeping hours, so that I won't create too much disturbance for him while we are 'living' in a hotel room at the moment, or if we will be living in a studio apartment without separate bedroom.

In the beginning, we have tried to request to view some of the available apartments that are within our budget, but, many of the agents didn't even bother to get back to us after we sent them the details of our situation as new arrivals in France, as we wouldn't be eligible to rent anything here, even if we have the money because we don't have the past three months payslip in France yet.

And then, one of the agents didn't mind about the availability of the past three months payslip condition, and showed us one of the apartment, which 'sorts of' fit into our budget and certain requirement, however, it's in an old apartment building that is not very well maintained, as well as it doesn't have very good natural light or privacy as all the residents within this building will be passing by the apartment's window as they are coming back and going out, and more importantly, it feels 'depressing' when we were inside the apartment even though the interior renovation and equipment is rather 'new' and 'tidy'. Another thing to be considered is that whether the immediate neighbours are open minded and thoughtful for others who are sharing the same apartment building, or not. From looking at the common area of the building, we could see that it might not be the suitable place to live a simple quiet life.

After that, we found another apartment where the direct owner allowed us to view the apartment, and it was slightly cheaper than the previous one, but again, it feels 'depressing' while being in that space that also doesn't have enough natural light, where we would need to turn on the lights even during the sunny day, as it is shielded from the sunlight due to the proximate surrounding apartment buildings. The owner also mentioned that she is 'worried' that we might not be able to pay the rent, as it is more than one third of my husband's salary, even when we told her that we live a low cost simple way of life. There's another thing to be considered is about the safety features. Many of these walk-up multi level old apartments can only be accessible via a narrow wooden staircase. It will be difficult if there's a fire starting from the lower apartment. There's no way out. And because it is located on a touristy pedestrian street as well as there are restaurants and shops under and around the apartment, it means that there will be people on the street talking and smoking especially during the day time when my husband needs to sleep after work. If so, we can't really open the windows to have fresh air into the apartment.

We also visited four other apartments dealing with direct owners. One of them is a fully furnished one room worn-out apartment on the top floor of a 4 storey walk-up old apartment building that isn't being maintained at all. The apartment's wooden flooring is moving and making lots of noise whenever there's a movement. The rent is on the higher end too. While another one is an unfurnished and unequipped but recently renovated with some modern features one plus one room apartment on the third floor. However, it has a low ceiling and doesn't have good air ventilation. The rent is not cheap too. The other two apartments are also in a depressing state that in need of immediate attention and refreshment. Obviously they all are unsuitable for us. We don't mind paying higher rent if it's a good quality apartment in good health, but these apartments don't worth the high rent.

And then there are other nicer and newer apartments further away from the busy town area that we are interested to check them out, and the rents are within our budget, but my husband's salary isn't eligible for renting any of them, unless we have a guarantor. There are some social housing apartments available for rent but then we needed to wait after two full years of living and paying tax in France to be qualified for it.

After many considerations and discussions between my husband and I, we decided to just try to get whatever is available to us, such as getting a basic unfurnished/unequipped apartment, either with or without separate bedroom, but at least well-maintained and cheerful enough, that is healthy to live in, even if we have to spend more money on buying our own furniture/equipment and buying a car.

Luckily after nearly 2 months of apartment hunting, we finally found a place that we can actually live in. Although it's only a tiny studio apartment that doesn't have a separate bedroom which is one important criteria for my husband, but, it's almost fully furnished and well-equipped with daily life essentials. It's a space full of 'history and character' and it meets most of our requirements for a living space, even if it's just for the first year. We don't need a 'big' space as we don't have many things. While I just need a clean, bright, well-ventilated and quiet space that is big enough for me to do some yoga exercises. Although just by being there for a few minutes might be very different experience from when we are actually living in it.

This tiny apartment is inside a well-maintained historical building. Even though it's only about 20 square meters, about one third of the size of the hotel junior suite room, but it's not depressing or congested at all, as it has a high ceiling and was well renovated under a very thoughtful and practical design with good quality of materials, where we can actually live there comfortably. The two windows are south facing without any blockage from the opposite apartment buildings that are located distance enough, which means that we will be getting the sun light coming into the apartment for a couple of hours all year long. It's bright enough even during cloudy days, as it was a cloudy day when we visited the apartment. It has a very thick wall, which means that it will not be too hot in the summer. The best thing is that, the two windows are over-looking at the very secluded private courtyard with a very peaceful garden, which we are able to access anytime even though we don't have a balcony. Although the windows are outdated and needed to be replaced with better insulated windows, and they said that it will be replaced a few months later after we moved in and before the next winter. Surely, it will cause some inconvenience for us during the installation, but it has to be done for long term economical and environmental reason. Another great thing is that the apartment is also less than 350 meters away, about 5 minutes walk, from the hotel.

The only downside is that it has no separate bedroom, but it's okay, as it has everything else that we are looking for to live a simple quiet life. The toilet, the shower, the wash basin and drainage, the cooker top and hob, the work surface, the fridge, the washing machine, the bed frame, the storage system, the lighting, the outside hallway and entrance, the public space, and the little details of a practical living space, are all good enough. The overall soundproof is good enough as we didn't hear any noise while being in the apartment even when there's renovation going on in some other apartments within the building at that time. However, the walls between the different apartments on the same level are not completely soundproof, but it's still good enough though. There's enough space for me to do some yoga practice. It's also within our budget and my husband's salary is eligible for it. The agent was also welcoming, and apparently, he had been travelling to Langkawi and Penang right before the pandemic.

Even though the apartment building is located beside a busy main road and surrounded by side streets, but this particular apartment is facing the inner courtyard away from the noise of the busy road and streets. We can open the windows for fresh air at anytime. However, what we didn't know at that time was that during the warmer months, there are lots of activities and noises coming from people hanging out and chitchatting in front of the supermarket next to the apartment building. Unlike the other bigger apartments that we have visited before, where we have doubt of 'maybe yes and maybe no', we both spontaneously like and agree with this one, even after a few days to think about it. We immediately said 'Yes' to the agent after seeing it.

Finally, we moved into this apartment on the second week of April after getting the first phase of the legal procedure and paper works done. In France, just like in many other countries, there are many complicated procedures that everyone need to go through for living here. Being a tourist is a lot easier than being a resident in any countries nowadays. It doesn't have to be like that, but unfortunately, it is the reality for existing in this tiny space of the vast universe due to the human minds are functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism that generate many unnecessary complications, instead of simplifying everything.

It will take some time for us to be settling in as we still need to get certain essential things like bedding, cooking, dining and cleaning utensils, as well as some other 'equipment' for organizing certain things for more efficiency and convenience to be living in our new little 'temporary' home. Anywhere that we live, either in a self-owned property or in a rented space, is just a temporary living space, just as everything that are existing in this space of the universe is temporary.

We are glad to have found this place in the end, or the place has been waiting for us to come.

After a few weeks of living in this tiny apartment, we feel more and more comfortable living in this space after making some adjustment and accommodation among the two of us for living in a 20 square meter space after having living in much bigger space in the past. It's not just that the inside space of the apartment is comfortable enough, especially it's just for temporary stay while we take our time to look for another apartment that is more suitable for longer stay, but the entire experience of coming home stepping into a well-maintained building with a long time history, is something that we have never experience before, and the common area of the apartment building is actually more spacious and comfortable than the apartment itself.

Thank you.

READ ON

My life stories - Part 15 (Letting go)

My life Stories – Part 15 (Letting go)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

Here we are. In France, in this present moment.

We had no idea of how, what, and where, at the time when we decided that we wanted to go somewhere else. We only knew that we had to leave this place and go somewhere else. We knew that we needed to organize certain things that needed to be done that allowed things to be happening. We had been living on our savings for the past two years, and it will be running out soon. We needed to make use of the remaining savings to seek opportunity somewhere else, to be in a place that welcomes us, that allows us to be making an honest living, that enables us to live a simple life.

It's not an issue for me at all, to let go all our 'things', to leave a familiar place that we have been living in for many years, or to go somewhere else to start a new life where there are many things that I am not familiar with, that I have to learn or relearn, and to make adjustment, adaptation and accommodation. As I never have strong attachment towards places, things, activities, cultures, food, or people. And I'm always open and ready for learning and experiencing something that I'm not familiar with, that I've never come in contact before. I am without any expectation.

In the beginning, we were considering about moving to Taiwan. We like, and want to support the democracy and freedom of expression that exists in Taiwan.

My husband had a few years of experience in teaching young children in a school when he was living in France many years ago, and in the beginning when he moved to live with me in Malaysia, he mentioned to me that he was interested to do a TEFL course.

I encouraged him to take up an online TEFL course in May 2021 during the prolonged lockdown in Malaysia, as there might be possible opportunity for him to find an English teaching job in Taiwan. Investment in education or further studies is always the best kind of investment one could have, that is never wasted. The knowledge and skill that we learned will always enhance our life in certain ways, even if we don't make a professional living out of it.

At the same time, I encouraged him to keep an eye on any job opportunity anywhere in Europe, especially France, as we both love many things about France very much. He lived in France for twelve years in the past. He had many years of experience in the field of hotel and restaurant management, on top of our many years of teaching yoga and running retreats. It doesn't matter if the salary is just enough for us to survive, we just needed to be opened, and seize any opportunity that allows us to start a new life, somewhere, anywhere, it doesn't matter.

Not long after we considered about moving to Taiwan, news came about the political tension building up between China and Taiwan, as well as the border closing not receiving any foreign teachers at that time due to the pandemic, which made us reconsidered about many things, and decided not to go there at this time being.

And if he didn't manage to get any job offer by the end of December, we will just buy a one way flight ticket to enter France via Paris, and then we will decide where we want to go in France, especially somewhere in the south, as there is where we would like to live in, even though we still didn't know where exactly and whether he would be able to get a job, or if we would be able to do something for a living. We also knew that it might not be easy for my husband to get a job at his age and during this crazy pandemic. But I said to my husband, "Just try, and see what happens." My husband would prefer to have certain degrees of certainty to feel 'secured', but I have no fear towards the unknown. All I know is that just follow what life brings to us, be opened, and see what happens. France is also very close to Ireland. My husband's parents are a lot older now, and their health is not as good as before, and so, it will be easier for us to visit them in the near future.

I just needed two months time to give notice to terminate the apartment's rental agreement as well as to organize everything that needed to be done before we leave this country. I needed to sort out any thing that is related to legal paper works that deals with the different government departments, both this and the other country, on top of clearing everything out from the apartment and selling my car, while doing our best not to contract the virus, so that we can fly out on the departure day. I had no idea of how things should be done, but I just did it one by one, as I went along.

Even when our landlord and some other friends asked us where were we heading to, we told them that nothing is confirmed, which was true, and they all couldn't understand and puzzled, "What? You are leaving Malaysia but you don't know where you are going? Really?"

Things didn't fall into places until the last minute.

In the beginning after my husband sent out many job applications for vacancy at hotel and restaurant, there were no replies. My husband was a little disappointed and felt down about himself. I said to him, "It's not that you are not good enough, and your age is not an issue, but things didn't happen as it's not the right timing." And it doesn't matter if he couldn't get any job, as I will think of something that I can do to make a living. I also told him that he should put his past 16 years experience on practicing yoga, teaching yoga and running yoga retreats, as well as Yoga Now Malaysia's profile into his resume. And then, great things started to happen.

A four star hotel under a big name, as well as two other hotels, a 5 star boutique hotel and a 3 star hotel chain replied, and they were interested to have an online interview with him. He chose to go for the interview with the four star hotel as it is located in the Alps which is a very nice area to live in. During the interview, he just needed to be himself, a very warm, kind and friendly person. He went through three separate interviews with different managers, and he was given the job in the end. Even though nothing was actually confirmed until the moment we arrived and he signed the work contract.

It was a challenging process with a few hiccups from the preparation of the journey of moving until we arrived at our final destination, especially organizing things that needed to be done and travelling during the pandemic amid the surge of 'Omicron', but we managed to glide through all the obstacles one by one.

We wanted to let go most of our stuffs and just keep some important documents and few things that worth nothing but are important to us in our life. We packed our things into three small boxes to send by post before we left, and then another 2 suitcases and 2 backpacks with mostly heavy winter clothing and some important documents to come with us into the flight.

We knew that during the pandemic, it's not easy to give away our things, not to say, to sell some of our things that are still in very good condition. Thankfully, three of our yoga students would take all of our yoga stuffs. While there were some charity organizations in town that were interested in receiving certain household things, but they wouldn't come to pick up the stuffs.

And then one day, while I was waiting at the dental clinic as my husband was having his teeth cleaned up, I asked the receptionist for a recommendation of a lorry driver, that I have household things to clear out from the apartment. Just happened that a lady was there to accompany her uncle for dental work and she over heard our conversation, and was really excited to introduce her uncle to me, where this uncle who is a chicken seller at the morning market has just received his new low cost apartment, but he has no budget for buying furniture and household things for his new home. This uncle was very happy to take some of our stuffs and he would organize a lorry to come to pick up the stuffs from us. We also gave away the remaining of all our things to the Nepali security guards and the Indonesian and Bangladeshi cleaners at our condominium. They were very happy about it.

We wanted to get our booster vaccination before we left, if possible. We were being told that we needed to wait for our appointment given by the health ministry which won't be happening until after the end of February, however, on the last week of December, my husband found out from twitter that we could call the hospital and ask if we can walk in on certain day. We called the hospital, and they gave us an appointment date on the 31st of December. And so, we went and got our booster shot on the last day of 2021. We were so lucky that we could get that done before our flight because of the vaccine mandate in France, as one day later the Malaysian government announced that walk-in was no longer available.

I also found a second hand car dealer agent to let go of my 19 years old car that had significantly improved the quality of my life, that had served us and the retreat guests nicely over the years. I signed the selling contract a few weeks before we left, but I could keep using the car until the day before we left. The agent told us that he was very 'touched' when I asked him about how much petrol I needed to keep for him on the day of delivery. He said just a quarter tank would be enough, but in the end, I left him with almost full tank of petrol.

And then, just a few days before we moved out from the apartment, the kitchen's floor tiles shifted and mounted, where underneath the tiles was completely hollow due to poor quality of the building construction, which we informed the landlord immediately. For that last few days, we couldn't walk over those tiles, and we were like walking on the edge of a cliff whenever we wanted to use the kitchen. Anyway, we cleaned up the apartment and did a video recording of checking everything in the apartment on the last morning to prove that everything is in good order when we return the apartment to the landlord. We were glad that we did.

After we sort out everything regarding the apartment with the landlord, and received our deposit from him, as he was satisfied with the apartment was in good condition apart from the mounted kitchen's floor tiling which was not our responsibility, we moved to a hotel in town for our last few days in Penang. We were very careful to keep social distancing with other people until we got our PCR test done on the day before the flight, and we were glad that we had a negative result. But, hiccups had just begun.

Even though our first flight was in the evening, we arrived at the airport just before 2.30 pm for checking our supposedly confirmed connecting flights from Penang to Kuala Lumpur to Dubai to Paris. Again, we were glad that we did. The representative at the check-in counter told us that the flight that we were supposed to get on from Penang to Kuala Lumpur in that evening didn't exist, and the last flight available had just left. We didn't receive any email about changes of flight detail from the airline. They told us that they couldn't do anything to help us and that we needed to contact the airline directly to arrange a different connection. They said that we could try to get the airline to change us to another flight that goes to Subang Airport, but then it will be another long transfer from Subang Airport to KLIA. We really didn't want to risk ourselves exposing to too many individuals during the pandemic. Or else, the airline could change our flights to another day, but that is not possible for us because the immigration department had decided to end my husband long term social visit pass on that particular day, even though the initial expiry date was in March and we had asked them to end the pass on a few days later so that if anything happens that we couldn't fly out on that day (knowing that anything can happen during the pandemic), we still can have a few days time to do something about it.

We had tried to call different numbers of the airline for about an hour, but there was nobody answering. It was about 3.30 pm, and we needed to be in KLIA before 9.00 pm. I said to my husband, we could either get a rental car to KLIA immediately, or we could see if there would be some other flights that could get us to KLIA or KLIA2, regardless of how much it would cost us. We just needed to get things done.

Luckily, there was an AirAsia flight to KLIA2 departing at 4.30 pm. The representative was very helpful to immediately get us the ticket and checked us in by 4.00 pm, and we were running so fast towards the security check and then running to the gate which was located at the very end of the departure hall, even though they said that the flight would wait for us. What they didn't tell us was that the flight was delayed about 15 minutes. Anyway, we had a few minutes to catch our breath before boarding. Our seat numbers given were 32, which didn't exist on that plane, as they had changed from the initial bigger plane to a smaller plane. We were told to wait at the end of the cabin watching everyone coming on board. After everyone were on board, they gave us the priority seats in front of the plane. We were thankful to AirAsia and the friendly helpful staffs. Did the hiccups end there? Not really.

After we arrived in KLIA2, we got our checked baggage and took the train to KLIA, which we shouldn't be doing if we had had our connecting flights all the way from Penang to Paris as what it supposed to be, but it wasn't.

Anyway, we got to KLIA, and went to the check-in counter to complain about what happened, even though it wasn't check-in time yet for our flight from Kuala Lumpur to Dubai to Paris. They said they couldn't do anything, but they could check us in at that time, and we could drop the baggage afterwards when the counter reopened for our flight check-in.

I always have travel sickness issue since young. We also haven't been travelling since the beginning of the pandemic. I also happened to be menstruating during those few days. I thought I did well after taking the taxi from the hotel to the airport, and then taking the flight from Penang to KLIA2, and then taking the train from KLIA2 to KLIA, but I wasn't. I guessed the underlying stress from dealing with the 'non-existing flight' and 'rushing for boarding the first flight' had been accumulating in my body. I vomited for a few times on the first flight and couldn't drink or eat much in order to stop the vomiting. I apologized to the lady who sat beside us for causing any disturbance. Luckily, I felt much better on the second flight, and I was fine after we landed in Paris. Although the handles of one of our baggage was damaged when we went to collect our baggage, but the wheels were still functioning fine, and we were so grateful that we finally arrived in France, safely.

We stayed two nights in Paris to get a good rest from the long journey. My husband also needed to get some clothing for his new job. Somehow, I lost our empty Yoga Now tote bag along the way, which I had to let go as well. We had two beautiful sunny days in Paris before we took two train rides to the Alps. We had enjoyed our very nice first meal in Paris. We had the super tasty Gratin at Le Bistro des Augustins. We also got very nice croissant and pain au chocolat from the bakery.

We went to the train station after checked out from the hotel. As scheduled, we boarded the train and were waiting for the train to go on time, as what it supposed to be. We would have about an hour 15 minutes between the two trains, thinking that we could have our picnic lunch outside the train station before catching our second train, as eating and drinking was not allowed on the train at that time. After waiting for about 30 minutes while watching all the other trains departed from the train station, but our train was still in the idle mode, we were told to move to another train. The next train arrived shortly and we had to wait for another 30 minutes for it to depart. Luckily, we still had 10 minutes to catch the other train.

The hotel management was very thoughtful. They had arranged someone to pick us up from the train station, prepared a very nice and comfortable junior suite room for us to stay temporary until we find our own place to live. That was a great surprise to us, as we thought we would be staying in a double room only. The three boxes that we had sent from Malaysia were already placed in the room. When we arrived in that evening, it was 0 degree, and we haven't eaten anything yet. But the room is comfortably warm, and there's a simple equipped kitchen in the room for us to prepare our own meals as well as there's a dining table. It makes things easier for us, as we wouldn't be able to afford eating out in France. We walked to the nearest supermarket and got ourselves some fresh bread and cheese, fruits and cherry tomatoes, and went back to the room and had a very nice first meal in the Alps.

Since we arrived, everyone that we met, especially all my husband's colleagues in the hotel, were all super friendly and nice. There's no sense of superiority or discrimination here. My husband told me that any kind of discrimination is against the law in France. There are pavements everywhere, and cars actually stop to let pedestrians crossing the road. In Malaysia, we have to put out our hand to stop the cars in order to run across the road as fast as possible even when it's green light for pedestrians to cross, but in France, cars naturally stop for us to cross the road, and in return, we give a hand gesture to say thank you.

On the next day, when the sun has risen, we realized that the view from our hotel room was absolutely incredible. For the next few days, we had very nice sunny days, where we went out to explore the town and further out of the town, to get a feel of where things are, before my husband commits to his new job. I only know very few french words at the moment, and would need to depend on my sign language for certain things. That's okay.

Another important reason why we decided to leave Malaysia and move to Europe is that as a citizen of Malaysia, I don't get much social security or retirement benefits from the government, not to say, as a foreigner, my husband won't be getting any social security or old age retirement benefits from the government for being married to me and living in Malaysia, and for sure, we are now gradually transitioning towards old age. Our old age retirement is very much depending on our savings, which is being highly affected by the pandemic and the long term consequences of it. While as tax paying Europeans and their spouse, they are eligible to be living and working anywhere in Europe, and are eligible for social security, health care and retirement benefits from the government. And most importantly, is about the presence and absence of humanity, freedom of expression, non-discrimination and equal rights.

We had some hiccups along the way, but we also received unexpected helps from somewhere whenever we needed it. We were so grateful for everything. We met very friendly and helpful people. We managed to file a complaint to the airline under the help of one of the airline representatives in KLIA, and the airline responded and would give us back the money that we had paid for the flight getting to KLIA. We also got some compensation from the train delay.

Even though we can't afford to eat out, but the cost of food here in France, particularly in the supermarket, is surprisingly much cheaper than in Malaysia. We always like to have our own home cooked meals. There are many things that my husband wants to do, and food that he likes to eat, are accessible and affordable to us here in France, which it's not the case while we were living in Malaysia. We have been eating well. We sleep well. We have been well looking after. Life is very kind to us. 

Thank you.

READ ON

Explore without exploit

Life in this world, can be like forever standing at the outside of a giant forest that is unknown to us, looking at the forest from our point of view of where we are with many wild imaginations towards what could be inside and beyond the forest, and never want to take the risk to be exploring what is inside and beyond the forest, to see and experience what is actually there, or we can choose to be walking into the unknown forest to explore what is there and beyond.

However, some people would be exploring the forest while claiming ownership over the space in the forest, exploiting what is in the forest, as well as transforming the space in the forest into something that they prefer, causing many kinds of damages.

Just as some people try to find a place on earth that they feel they belonged to, where they want to stay for as long as possible, and desire to establish a living space and community of their own in a particular way that they prefer, while exploiting what is there in the name of pursuing higher pleasurable enjoyment of life beyond the basic needs for survival, and causing many damages here and there, either wittingly or unwittingly.

While some people don't need to find or establish a sense of belonging, but just to explore the unknown as much as possible without exploiting anything along the way, and wherever they are, they live life as it is, without taking more than what they need to survive, without claiming ownership towards the space or trying to establish a living space or community of a particular way.

Unfortunately, many people growing up were being told that it's highly important to find and establish a sense of belonging towards a particular place, community, culture, belief, spirituality, and etc, as well as emphasizing on the pursue of higher pleasurable enjoyment in life.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Life can be less complicated, but it isn't so in the world of civilization

For those who are wealthy enough, there's no problem for them to live or migrate to anywhere on earth, as they are most welcomed by the authority of most countries in the world. Unfortunately for the majority of the human beings who are not that wealthy, who have no choice but need to be making a living (working) to survive in life, would be discriminated and non-welcomed by the authority of many countries in the world.

Many honest, talented, skillful and hardworking people in the world might not be highly educated or certified, due to poverty or some other unfortunate circumstances, where they are facing difficulty of making a living in their own birth country, not to say, to be 'eligible' or 'qualified' to migrate somewhere else, but that doesn't mean that they are less good human beings, or should be disqualified to be residing and making a living on earth. Unfortunately, they are the ones who are being discriminated 'lawfully' due to their 'low financial status' and 'non-certification' or 'low educational level' due to life condition is already being difficult for them.

In the modern world of civilization, if the government policy of a country run by wise and kind people that is trying to help all human beings to have an easier and better quality of life, that's great. Unfortunately, that's not the case in some countries, where the government policy of the country run by not so wise and not so kind people that is actually trying their best to make human beings' life as complicated as possible.

Government body is supposed to be an organization that serves the community by facilitating everything to make life easier for everyone, however, discriminative government policy in certain countries are deliberately generating lots of complication to make people's life more difficult, where many law obeying people who have no intention to do anything that go against the law, and only want to live and making a living 'legally' in a particular country, have to go through many unnecessary difficulties deriving from the complicated documentation procedures of a government policy that legally discriminating and tormenting human beings by their 'nationality', 'financial status', 'social status', 'health status', 'title', 'educational level', 'certification', 'qualification', and etc, or even by 'ethnicity' and 'religion' in certain countries.

The pandemic is affecting many people's life and livelihood, but life has to go on for everyone, where people still need to go through complicated legal documentation procedure to live somewhere and making a living legally in a modern world of civilization.

For some people who have no choice but have to deal with renewing legal documentation every year for residing and making a living in a particular country, especially in a country running by a government that doesn't really intend to help making people's life easier, but deliberately creating lots of complicated procedures with many difficult rules and regulations to make people's life as difficult as possible, the circumstances deriving from the current pandemic situation is making everything even harder for them.

Those who don't need to deal with yearly renewal of legal documentation to be residing and making a living in a particular place on earth, they might not be able to understand the difficulty that some other people have to deal with for just trying to survive and live a life on earth, who are reluctantly don't want to be 'criminalized/penalized/imprisoned' just by existing in a space in the universe that doesn't really belong to anyone, but was being claimed ownership and authorization by some human beings to lawfully 'allow' and 'disallow' human beings for being existing, residing and making a living somewhere on earth.

People might think that being a citizen of one's birth country wouldn't need to go through all those hassles of complicated legal documentation procedures, but in some countries, being married to someone who is a citizen of another country, one will have to go through a painful process every year due to the government policy that doesn't welcome or support 'International mixed marriage' and deliberately making people's life extremely difficult, especially when the government policy is generating 'discrimination' towards many different things in order to determine who is 'eligible' or 'qualified' enough, and who is 'non-eligible' and 'unqualified' for being existing, residing and making a living in that country.

In order to apply for a 'permission to reside in this country' for the non-citizen spouse of the citizen of this country that only valid for one year, the citizen of this country needs to have proof of sufficient income to 'sponsor' the spouse, as the spouse is not allowed to work at all in this country (even if it's not something illegal or wrongful,) even though the spouse is being given the 'permission to reside in this country' that need to be re-applying from scratch every year with all kinds of supportive documentations. And if for any reasons, one didn't get to re-apply for the 'permission to reside in this country' on time before the due date, one will be penalized for over stay without permission, as well as facing the risk of 'imprisonment' or 'deportation'.

In order to apply for an additional 'permission to work' under the 'permission to reside in this country', there are even more supportive documents that are compulsory for the application procedure. And even if the 'permission to work' is being granted by the authority after submitting all kinds of compulsory supportive documents, the spouse is limited only to do that specific work with specific details of the work, at the specific space of a specific address of a specific company, or else, it's violating the law and will be criminalized and penalized under the law.

Free-lancing and self-employment that getting works from different companies/people, are invalid to be eligible for applying the 'permission to work', where it has to be one specific kind of work under employment with a contract under one specific registered company of a specific address with commercial title, where registered company under a home address with residential title for those who only need to be working from home or anywhere while travelling, who don't need to be working at a specific address/building/office, such as a digital nomad, is not possible for getting the 'permission to work', as the authority won't even process the application for 'permission to work'.

This is because the application procedure requires either a 'business license' or a letter of 'needless of a business license for the type of work' from another government department, and 'business license' or the letter of 'needless of a business license for the type of work' will not be issued to a residential address, even if the type of work doesn't require a 'business license' to be operating. Those who have an office space within a building under commercial title can attain the letter of 'needless of a business license for the type of work', but it cannot be issued for an address under residential title for those who don't need a commercial office. It means, one has to spend unnecessary expenses on renting an office space that one doesn't use in order to attain the letter of 'needless of a business license for the type of work', in order to apply for the 'permission to work', just because the authority of the country is run by a group of close-minded human beings. When someone wants to apply for the 'permission to work' under the 'yearly permission to reside in this country that doesn't allow to work' as a non-citizen spouse of the citizen of this country, the officer asks, "Why? You want to work ah?" and then, "We know your work doesn't need a business license, but we won't process your application because we need either a 'business license' or the letter of 'needless of a business license for the type of work', and we know you can't and won't get the letter of 'needless of a business license for the type of work' because your address is not under commercial title."

The more ridiculous thing is that even though they know from the very beginning that it's not possible for anyone to attain a letter of 'needless of business license for the type of work' under a residential address, they didn't inform the people but deliberately telling the people to go to that particular licensing department to request for that letter, wasting the people's time, energy, effort and money. It's also wasting unnecessary time and effort of those involved in the respective department. "We know you are working from home right? We know your work also doesn't require a business license. You need to go to the licensing department and ask for a letter of needless of a business license for the type of work." And when the people came back to this department telling them that they couldn't attain that letter because it's not possible for a residential address, they said to the people, "We know." Why? Do they feel good for creating difficulty to the people? Government is supposed to be an organization that looks after the welfare of the people and facilitates convenient and efficient services and supports to the people to help to improve the quality of life of the people, but a government run by corrupted human beings is tormenting people by deliberately creating inconvenient complications to the people.

It's like, "We don't care about you. The government doesn't welcome you. But we, the government don't want to say that, directly. We just need to create lots of difficulties to you, and it's up to you whether you want to stay because you love this country so much, and pay us the fees for all kinds of documentation procedure, or go somewhere else if you think this is too difficult for you."

Regardless of whether one is reluctantly and autonomously being illegal for trying to earn some income for living without any 'permission to work', and one is being vulnerable towards facing prosecution and being exploited/bullied by unkind human beings, or one is being legalized with the 'permission to work' but then one is being restricted to one particular type of work under a specific company at that specific address, where engaging in other types of (lawful) work other than the one being applied for the 'permission to work' or any other form of lawful part-time income/paid-work activity beyond the one being stated in the 'permission to work' is considered 'illegal' and subject to 'prosecution', one is still living under the legal threat of being prosecuted, criminalized and penalized or be imprisoned/expelled at any time.

For some people, one type of work might not generate enough income for living and have no choice but need to be engaging in several types of work to be making enough livelihood. Or, there are people with multi talents and enthusiasm who can do so many different things in life, but would only be legalized and allowed to do 'one specific work under a specific company' to make a living in this country. Many financial problems, relationship problems, family problems, and mental health problems are building up unwittingly due to such government policy of deliberately restricting, oppressing, threatening and tormenting people under the name of 'facilitating the law and order of the country'.

The citizen of this country couldn't make sufficient or any income due to the pandemic and lockdown, but the non-citizen spouse can bring in some income by doing some works to be supporting their living, which also can provide 'the eligible financial status of sponsorship' as part of the 'compulsory supportive documentation' for applying the 'permission to reside in this country', but then the non-citizen spouse is not allowed to work under that ridiculous rules and regulations of 'non-permission to work' that comes under the 'permission to reside in this country' being the spouse to the citizen of this country.

The citizen of this country would have 'sufficient income status' to 'sponsor' the spouse to get the 'permission to reside in this country', if the spouse is allowed to work legally in this country, but the spouse wouldn't even be eligible to apply for the 'permission to reside in this country' because the citizen of this country couldn't provide 'the eligible financial status' that is required to be 'qualified' for 'sponsoring' the spouse due to the pandemic and lockdown, or due to some other reasons (illness, injury, or old age), and the spouse is not allowed to work or generate income.

Even after the spouse successfully getting the 'permission to reside in this country' that only valid for one year, but in order to apply for the 'permission to work', the spouse must be eligible/qualified by possessing a minimum level of educational certification and some other supportive work qualifications, which creates great difficulty for those who are not highly educated or certified, even if the spouse is a law abiding, honest, kind and hardworking person with many years of experience in doing something or many things.

Discriminative government policy are forcing people who don't want to do anything bad and wrong or illegal to reluctantly become 'illegal/criminalized' due to 'non-approval status' from the authority and have no choice but being 'committed' in 'illegal activity' (working hard trying to earn some honest money for living but without authorized legal documentation), for just trying to survive, to be making a living, to be existing and living in this space.

How ridiculous is that, even when the 'rightful' citizen of the country has successfully obtained legal licensing to be doing a small business in the country, is being threatened legally to bear all cost to demolish the rented building for doing the business under the authorized licensing, and to pay whatever compensation to the landlord for demolishing the rented building as ordered by the authority according to the rules and regulations, upon the termination of the business (or cancellation of the building permit for the business license) regardless of whether the business is being terminated by the business owner who wants to stop doing business, or it's terminated by the authority that wants to stop renewing the building permit for the business license for any reasons.

Rightful citizen of a country, or not, it's so complicated to live a life under the name of civilization. Those who are wealthy and are enjoying the privilege of being wealthy, might not agree with this. That's their freedom.

Everyone have no choice but need to be legalized to live a life and do things legally in a so called civilized country, however, it can be so complicated and troublesome, and people have to be living under 'threat' legally even after being legalized.

It's not a crime for being simple and want to live a simple honest life.

It's not a crime for being poor under difficult condition.

It's not a crime for not being highly educated.

It's not a crime for being married to and sharing life with someone of other nationality.

But why punishing and tormenting the simple minded people who want to live a simple honest life, the poor people who are in difficult condition, the non educated or low educated people, and the international loving couples under the name of civilization? Is it because they are less or non contributing to the economy of the country (paying less tax than the others)? Or, is it because the authority reluctant to 'look after' those who need certain assistance from the authority?

If that's the reason, and if the 'money minded' authority really want more people to become eligible for contributing more to the economy, and less depending on getting any form of assistance from the authority, then the authority should make everything easier for these low income or low educated people to be able to 'work' or 'do business' to have higher income, to facilitate more convenience for everyone to have the opportunity to become independent in all aspects, and it's not by discriminating and punishing these simple minded, low income or low educated people who try to live a simple life and make enough honest income for living, legally.

If their reason for making international mixed marriage difficult is due to there are some cases of fake marriage for getting legalized documentation, and they want to punish those fake marriage couples, but why are they punishing everyone else who are not faking marriage?

If their reason for making international mixed marriage so difficult is due to they want to stop internal corruption activity coming from their respective department that deals with facilitating legal documentation for international mixed marriage, but then why are they tormenting everyone else who are merely loving couple that want to share life together, who are not and don't want to get involved with any corruption or illegal activity?

These are the unnecessary difficulties and tormentation created by human beings under the name of civilization deriving from ignorance that all humans who need to survive by making a living 'legally' need to deal with for just being existing in a space in the universe, especially in certain countries with an authority run by a group of close-minded human beings. It's even more difficult under the pandemic that would go on for years. Those who don't need to go through all kinds of 'complicated legal documentation procedure' under an authority run by close-minded human beings, or their authority is run by a group of open-minded human beings, they won't need to deal with such difficulty.