The absence of fear vs the presence of courage

There's neither right nor wrong with the many different 'approaches' for the different minds functioning under different degrees of understanding towards oneself, or towards the selfless modification of the mind, in order to deal with certain things in the body and mind, or in life, that are not necessarily the way that they would like it to be.

Many positive empowerment training workshops in the world is about countering what the minds perceived and recognized as fear/weakness/negativity/inferiority/dissatisfaction/unhappiness/low self-esteem/lack of confidence/non-accomplishment/meaninglessness with developing/empowering/achieving/possessing the opposite of that, a.k.a. courage/strength/positivity/superiority/satisfaction/happiness/high self-esteem/high confidence/accomplishment/meaningfulness.

That might give the mind some momentary relief from certain states of the mind or conditions/limitations/shortcomings that are not how the mind would like it to be, but that doesn't really free the mind from continuously be determined/conditioned by the mind perception of duality, or the selfless impermanent qualities of names and forms, to be identifying as who/what they are.

As even all kinds of so called 'good', 'positive', 'righteous', or 'superior' qualities, are also conditional, and impermanent, that will increase or decrease being conditioned/influenced by the different experiences, situations, or physical/mental conditions that are impermanent.

The presence/development/empowerment/possession of high degrees of courage doesn't necessarily correlate with the absence of fear.

The teachings and practice of yoga and buddhism, is to free the mind from all that, or to free the mind from being determined/conditioned/limited by the mind perception of duality or the selfless impermanent qualities of names and forms, by going beyond or transcending all kinds of duality via non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-comparison, non-judgment, and non-expectation.

It's not about the presence/development/empowerment/achievement/possession of what the passionate egoistic minds perceived and recognized as courage/strength/positivity/superiority/satisfaction/happiness/high self-esteem/high confidence/accomplishment/meaningfulness.

It's about the absence of attachment/identification/craving towards all those 'good'/'higher'/'superior'/'top' qualities that most minds like and desire to be identifying as who/what they are, as well as the absence of attachment/identification/aversion towards what the mind perceived and recognized as the opposite of all that, a.k.a. fear/weakness/negativity/inferiority/dissatisfaction/unhappiness/low self-esteem/lack of confidence/non-accomplishment/meaninglessness, that most minds don't like and don't desire to be identifying with as who/what they are.

Courage is useless or needless, upon the absence of fear. So as positivity and the sense of meaningfulness is useless or needless, upon the absence of negativity and the sense of meaninglessness.

All that can be eliminated from the selfless modification of the mind via the annihilation of ignorance, the idea of 'I', and egoism.

Upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism, devoid of the idea of 'I', attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, comparison, judgment, and expectation, or upon the mind transcends all kinds of duality or the mind perception of selfless impermanent qualities of names and forms, there is no need to have the presence of something good/positive/superior to counter something bad/negative/inferior that doesn't exist in the mind at all. Such mind doesn't need to be empowered, to be strong, to be positive, or to be confident.

Even when the selfless modification of the mind is still not yet completely be free from being determined by duality or the mind perception of names and forms, where there is fear, or some other kind of impurities arising and occupying in the mind, from time to time, that's okay too, as the mind that has certain degrees of correct understanding towards itself, or towards the selfless modification of the mind, where the mind is endowed with certain degrees of non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-comparison, non-judgment, and non-expectation, this mind will be aware of what is going on in the modification of the mind, without attachment, identification, craving, aversion, comparison, judgment, or expectation, while allowing the thought activities (regardless of what the mind perceived and recognized as something good or bad/positive or negative/superior or inferior/agreeable or disagreeable) to be arising, changing, and passing away, as they are, without being over-powered by all these selfless impermanent thought activities of different qualities of names and forms arising and passing away, knowing that all these desirable and undesirable, or pleasant and unpleasant different qualities of names and forms in the mind, are all selfless and impermanent. All these different qualities of names and forms are not 'I', and there is no 'I'.

Inquire the truth of everything, and be free.

Beyond confidence

What make a person truly confident?

Nameless and formless confidence manifests naturally and effortlessly, upon the mind accepts and loves itself unconditionally, as it is. Such mind doesn't need to be confident or portray confidence.

This person doesn't need to show or prove to oneself or the world about, "I am confident."

This person doesn't need any attention, liking, support, agreement, acknowledgement, approval, affirmation, praise, and compliment coming from anyone about, "I am good enough to be confident."

This person doesn't need to be confident, to feel confident, to look confident, or to speak, stand, walk, sit, pose, or present oneself in front of the world confidently, not to say, to attend 'confidence boosting workshop/training', or to be inspired and empowered, to become a highly confident person, or to boost the existing confidence level to become 'more' confident than what it is.

Confidence doesn't come from learning, or training, or pretending.

True confidence doesn't come from desirable physical and mental condition/appearance/abilities/achievements, family or social background, social and financial status, family ties, relationship and friendship, social interaction activities, accumulated knowledge/experience/success/accomplishment, level of education and intelligence, talents or super extraordinary talents, and etc.

Confidence doesn't come from the presence and absence of any particular name and form, not to say, it doesn't come from participating in any kind of confidence empowerment workshop or training.

Confidence doesn't come from thinking, believing, acknowledging, affirming, projecting, and identifying as, "I am super confident."

If a person needs to attend certain kind of confidence empowerment workshop or training, then, no matter how many times and how much one has been undergoing such confidence empowerment training, trying to learn to become confident, to be getting deserving acceptance, appreciation, acknowledgement, recognition, liking, love, praise, and compliment from oneself and all the others about, "Yes. I am now good enough to be accepted and loved by myself and everyone else, and hence, I am a highly confident person," and presents oneself 'confidently' in front of the mirror or to the world based on what the mind thinks and believes as 'confidence', confidence will still be non-existing in this person.

One just need to stop trying to be good and successful enough in order to be able to accept and love oneself, to be proud of oneself, and to make other people to be proud of oneself, or to be 'deserving' to be getting attention, love, liking, support, agreement, acceptance, acknowledgement, recognition, approval, affirmation, praise, and compliment from all and everyone, and unconditional confidence will manifest as it is, naturally and effortlessly.

It's not about being dissatisfied with oneself in this present moment, and trying to become someone else that one is not, but having the self-awareness towards knowing what is one's strength and weakness, working on improving what is possible to be improved, and allowing impermanent changes and improvement to be happening as they are, without attachment, identification, craving, aversion, comparison, judgment, or expectation.

Being confident doesn't mean being strong, or tough, or aggressive.

Confidence doesn't mean that one can do and achieve everything that one would like to do and achieve. It's about one is not being determined or defined by what one can do or cannot do, and can achieve or cannot achieve. One doesn't need to feel and be proud of oneself, and doesn't need other people to feel and be proud of oneself.

When the mind has gone beyond all kinds of qualities of names and forms that are selfless and impermanent, when the mind is no longer being determined by any selfless impermanent quality of names and forms to be "I", or "who/what I am", then, the nameless and formless confidence will be there, as it is, without the mind thinking, believing, acknowledging, affirming, projecting, and identifying as "I am super confident."

Pride and arrogance, shame and humility, or envy and jealousy, don't exist in such mind.

Success and failure, achievement and non-achievement, or superiority and inferiority, mean nothing to such mind.

One is neither lack of confidence (I think I am not good enough and undeserving) nor full of confidence (I think I am good enough and highly deserving).

One is beyond what the worldly passionate egoistic minds think and believe as 'confidence'.

Such mind doesn't admire or look down on anyone.

Such mind doesn't even compare or compete with itself, not to say, to be comparing and competing with anyone else, even when one is actively engaging in certain kind of competitive competition.

Such mind never stop improving itself even when it is resting in contentment and is being comfortable with itself, as it is (NOT because it is discontented with itself, thinking and believing that itself is 'not good enough', or 'never good enough', or 'non-deserving'), and it does its best in whatever it is pursuing, without forcing itself beyond its limitation, without fear, without expectation, and it allows and respects the fruit of action being what it is, being undetermined by the action and the fruit of action.

Inquire towards the truth of everything, and be free.

True confidence

Many people talk about 'empowerment', particularly 'women empowerment'.

When people talk about 'women empowerment', they talk about 'confidence'.

However, many people think and believe that confidence is highly related to one's family background, education level, accumulated knowledge, talent, skill, abilities, aspirations, experiences, achievements, contributions, acknowledgements, recognition, attractiveness, appearance, self-image, profession, title, financial status, social status, social circle, relationship with everyone, communication skill, language proficiency, health and fitness level, and etc, that is influencing and determining whether someone is confident, or not.

The thinking and belief about "I am confident because I am this, I have that, I experienced this and that, I did this and that, I achieved this and that, I know this and that, I can do this and that, I am being recognized and acknowledged by this and that, and etc," is merely conditional confidence, or good feeling and pride towards oneself, that is being determined by the presence and absence of certain qualities of names and forms in oneself, to be confident, or not, and to feel good and prideful about oneself, or not.

Under conditional confidence, when people introduce themselves to other people, they will tell or boast as much information about all kinds of qualities of names and forms that they possess and accumulated, which they identifying with and attaching onto, which they feel pleased and proud of, which they think and believe that other people will also be pleased and amazed by all those qualities of names and forms that they identifying with as 'This is me' or 'This is who and what I am'. They try very hard to obtain attention, compliment, liking, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, which will boost their conditional confidence upon receiving attention, compliment, liking, agreement and acknowledgement from other people. They need to be acknowledged by other people as "A confident person."

Such beings, or minds, or people, will be satisfied, confident and happy, and they will love/like themselves, upon the presence and absence of such and such qualities of names and forms in them, while they will be dissatisfied, disappointed, not confident and unhappy about themselves, and they don't love/like themselves, if there is the presence and absence of certain qualities of names and forms in themselves. It's the same as when they deal with other people in their life, and how they feel about other people. They don't know how to love and accept other people as they are. They will only love/like other people under certain conditions that they like, desire and agree with, and vice versa.

In yoga, it's about true confidence, that is unconditioned by the qualities of names and forms, that is undetermined by actions and the fruit of actions.

The one who is truly confident, there's needless to be identifying as "I am confident or highly confident," not to say, "I am confident because I am ......"

The one who is truly confident, doesn't attaching onto or identifying with any qualities of names and forms to be 'This is me' or 'This is who and what I am'.

They might not know everything or many things, they might have certain abilities and limitations, certain strength and weakness, and they know what is their ability and limitation, strength and weakness, what they can achieve and cannot achieve, what they want and don't want, and more importantly, they know how to accept all kinds of qualities of names and forms as they are, all kinds of abilities and limitations as they are, without being determined by all kinds of names and forms, abilities and limitations, achievements and non-achievements in themselves, to be confident, or not, to feel good about themselves, or not. They don't need to introduce themselves to other people, or to the world, about "This is who and what I am with such and such qualities of names and forms." And, they know how to love and accept themselves as they are, accepting all their strength and weakness, while working towards constant improvement in themselves and doing their best to achieve what they want to achieve in life, effortlessly without forcing or hurting themselves, and more importantly, without attaching onto or identifying with all kinds of improvements or achievements. They don't need to feel proud about themselves, and they don't need other people to feel proud about them. They don't need to be receiving attention, compliment, liking, agreement and acknowledgement from other people, to be confident, or to be more confident.

When one accepts and loves oneself as one is, one is naturally confident from within, effortlessly.

Such beings, or minds, or people, they know how to accept and love all and everyone as they are. They can be performing many selfless actions that can help to bring more peace and harmony into the world, either intentionally or unintentionally, without being determined by the fruit of actions to be who they are, to be confident, or not, to feel good, positive, happy and meaningful, or not.

Those who are naturally confident from within unconditionally, they don't blind-believing, blind-following, blind-practicing or blind-propagating anything. They would consider and inquire towards the truth of all kinds of advice from other people, and taking the constructive advice, while leaving the non-constructive advice. They are not being intimidated or influenced by other people's strong presence. They allow other people to apply judgment coming from their own point of view, but they are not being determined or affected by other people's judgment about them and everything, regardless of whether it's compliment or criticism. They are free from comparison or competition with others, knowing that everyone are being different from one another having their own particular ability and limitation, strength and weakness, even when they are participating in certain competitions, just by being themselves and doing their best. Winning or not winning a competition doesn't determine or change the unconditional confidence from within. Success and failure doesn't exist in the minds that are free from egoism of attachment, identification and expectation. It's merely whether something is possible or not possible in the present moment.

Those who are naturally confident from within, being undetermined by any qualities of names and forms, they are effortlessly confident as they are, without trying very hard to be confident or stay confident. They don't need to keep telling themselves that "I am confident. I believe in myself. I can do it," to constantly reassuring and validating themselves are 'a confident person'.

Confidence or determination has nothing to do with aggressiveness, however, many people would relate aggressiveness with confidence or determination, thinking that someone who is being aggressive towards pursuing one's ambitions is due to high confidence and determination, while someone who is non-aggressive towards pursuing one's ambitions is due to lack of confidence or determination.

It's not about "I am super confident towards myself, that I can do and achieve anything that I desire. For me, anything is possible. There is no impossibility in me. I will work very hard to make sure this body and mind be equipped with the essential qualities to be able to do and achieve everything that I want to do and achieve. Nobody and nothing can stop me from achieving all my aspirations and desires. I have strong determination. If someone or something is hindering me from achieving my aspirations and desires, I'll fight and defeat them at all costs."

It's about "Knowing what this body and mind can do and cannot do, and what they can achieve and cannot achieve, in this present moment. I make use of certain opportunity and possibility that is available now. And it's okay, if certain opportunity are not available, and there are certain impossibility in this present moment now. I won't force or hurt this body and mind in order to achieve all my aspirations and desires, and I won't want to hurt anyone and anything that prevent me from achieving something that I aspire and desire. Determination doesn't mean that hurting myself or others in order to achieve success in everything that I pursue. I accept and love this body and mind as they are. I accept and love myself as I am. I respect desirable and undesirable experiences, as they are, but they can't determine me for being who and what I am."

For the mind that is free from egoism, "It's just selfless impermanent names and forms, of different qualities, opportunities, possibilities and impossibilities arising, changing and passing away in this present moment. Either making use of the qualities, opportunities and possibilities that are available in this present moment to be doing something that is possible now, or maybe not. It doesn't matter. While respecting the absence of certain qualities and opportunities, or what is impossible now. And all are impermanent."

Want to learn and practice yoga? (26)

Why is that giving something 'nice' and 'comforting' to the disturbed unhappy minds and doing something that will make the minds feel happy, loved and satisfied is not yoga practice or the solution to be looking after the ill mental health?

"People are being unhappy and dissatisfied about many things in life and in this world.

People need to be doing something or anything that would make them feel good, happy and satisfied, especially those who are hurt by other people's bad and wrongful behavior, they need to receive lots of love and comfort from others, to feel love and be loved by others. Love heals. Love is the greatest power that can make the world to be a better place. Everyone needs love. Lack of love is the greatest suffering and painful sorrow."

There's nothing wrong with these thinking, belief, saying, values and practice.

However, it's nothing to do with the teachings of yoga and the yoga practice, that is about freeing the mind from the root cause of disturbance, unhappiness and dissatisfaction, which is by annihilating ignorance and egoism, and it's not by empowering ignorance and egoism.

Doing something that would make the mind feels happy, loved and satisfied whenever it feels unhappy, unloved and dissatisfied about something, will only be empowering ignorance and egoism, which doesn't stop the mind from continuously being determined, disturbed, dissatisfied, angered, annoyed, offended, humiliated, unhappy or hurt by the presence of something that the mind doesn't like, doesn't agree with and doesn't desire, and the absence of something that the mind likes, agrees with and desires, or what the mind perceives as bad, wrong, sad, negative, meaningless, unpleasant, disagreeable, undesirable, painful, disgusting, annoying, offending, disrespectful, undeserving or hurtful.

Those who would discriminate, hate, exploit and hurt others intentionally, and would feel happy and satisfied by inducing suffering in oneself and others, and by seeing others being hurt, are seriously ill mentally. No matter how much 'love' other people give to these seriously ill minds, will still doesn't remove the mental illness as well as ignorant hurtful behaviors/actions/reactions from these minds. These minds might be behaving 'nicely' when all its desires of craving and aversion are being gratified, upon getting what they like and desire, but then they would be behaving 'hurtfully' when one of its desires of craving and aversion is not being gratified, upon not getting what they like and desire, while getting what they don't like and don't desire.

Empowering the desire of craving and clinging towards receiving 'love' and 'affection', 'acceptance' and 'acknowledgement', 'agreement' and 'understanding', 'praise' and 'glorification', 'appreciation' and 'gratitude', 'support' and 'comfort' from others in the minds that perceive suffering of loneliness, lovelessness, low self-esteem, meaninglessness, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, inferiority, animosity, fear, worry, disturbs, hurts and painful sorrow due to the influence of ignorance and egoism, not only doesn't free the minds from ignorance and egoism, but it's actually leading the minds towards deeper ignorance and egoism that eventually turning into serious mental health problem.

The only thing that can help the minds that are disturbed or ill to not hurting themselves and others, is coming from the mind itself, freeing itself from ignorance and egoism. No any others and no amount of 'love' and 'affection' receiving from some others can remove the ignorance and egoism from the minds, as giving and receiving 'love' and 'affection' among one another are indeed the by-products of ignorance and egoism that generate the perception of separateness and duality, which is the cause of all kinds of misery and suffering arising in oneself and inflicting unto others.

Healthy minds are not being determined or influenced by the perception of names and forms, to be acting and reacting ignorantly and hurtfully under any unpleasant, disagreeable, undesirable conditions and situations, and vice versa.

Healthy minds that are free from the influence of ignorance and egoism don't need to be receiving 'love' and 'affection', 'acceptance' and 'acknowledgement', 'agreement' and 'understanding', 'appreciation' and 'gratitude', 'praise' and 'glorification', or 'support' and 'comfort' from others, to feel good, right, happy, confident, meaningful, deserving, superior, loved, satisfied, pleased, joyful and content. These minds are peaceful as they are. These minds are not being disturbed, threatened or hurt by the ignorance and the consequences of ignorance in others or in the world.

It's everyone's freedom and responsibility towards what they want or don't want to practice, what they understand and don't understand, and how they think, feel, behave, act and react.

"Lack of love is the greatest suffering and painful sorrow," is what most minds think and believe in, however, that's also revealing the 'problem' of this thinking and belief. It's not 'lack of love' that is causing suffering and painful sorrow in the minds, it's the desire of craving and clinging towards 'love', or 'receiving love', or 'be loved', is not being gratified, that is why the minds are in suffering and painful sorrow, upon the presence of 'lack of love', or upon the absence of 'love'.

Inquire towards the truth of everything.

Low self-esteem and Pride

Low self-esteem and pride is the two sides of a coin. Real confidence is there as it is when one is free from being determined by the flipping coin to be 'I' that is swaying in between low self-esteem upon failure and pride upon success.

Non-attachment and non-identification towards impermanent qualities of selfless names and forms is the basic yoga practice.

Inquire towards the truth of confidence and self-confidence

Because most people were being told from young that confidence and self-confidence is a highly important quality that will influence and determine whether someone will be successful in whatever one pursues, and whether one will achieve certain accomplishment in life, or not, where people were being told that they need to have self-confidence, or what people refer as 'believing in oneself', as well as to develop and empower the sense of confidence, or what people refer as have faith in everything that support everything to be possible, where people think and believe that confidence or faith will make all the impossible become possible, and hence, people might not understand that they don't really need to have self-confidence to be who they are, that they don't really need confidence at all for carrying out their duties and responsibilities, looking after themselves or other beings, and for doing something or achieving something in life, whether it's something essential or non-essential.

That's why the very basic yoga practice is about freeing the mind from being conditioned by all kinds of worldly egoistic social/cultural/religious/spiritual/commercial/political/educational thinking, belief, values and practice. And this seems to be very hard for many yoga enthusiasts, where they would prefer to give themselves many justifications/reasons of why they don't need to be free from being conditioned by their existing inherited or adopted worldly thinking, belief, values and practice.

Quite many people are suffering from either low confidence (I can't do/achieve anything) or over confidence (I can do and achieve anything), which affect their life, their action/reaction, and their relationship with all and everyone.

The heart doesn't need to have self-confidence or confidence in order to be pumping the blood throughout the entire body every moment from the beginning of forming until it ceases functioning.

The hands don't need to have self-confidence or confidence to pick up a cup of hot drink, and to put down the hot cup instantly, because the cup is still too hot to hold.

The stomach and intestines don't need to have self-confidence or confidence to digest the food and extract nutrients from the food and to eliminate the non-digestible food waste.

It's either these organs are getting the enough supply of energy, hormones, secretions, oxygen, nutrients, minerals and water that they need, and the muscles and nerves are functioning properly, as well as not being overuse/over-worked, or not being attacked by some bacteria/virus, or not, in order to be functioning smoothly, or not.

It's the same in life. Self-confidence and confidence is not needed in order for someone to do or achieve something.

In the process of doing something, or trying to do or achieve something, or trying to be somebody, and whether one will be successful, or not, in one's pursue, self-confidence and confidence is irrelevant.

It's whether one has sufficient knowledge and understanding, and maybe also specific talent about something that one wants to do or achieve, and whether one has been training and practicing enough to develop and enhance the skill for doing or achieving something, as well as there are many other external factors that determine whether one can do or achieve something successfully at that specific time, space and causation, or not, even one has the sufficient talent, knowledge, understanding and skill in doing or achieving something.

We need to have certain knowledge and skill in order to do certain things or to achieve something, and different things or achievements require different types of knowledge and skill, on top of most things are sharing certain common knowledge and skill.

If we don't know how to do something because we don't have that particular knowledge and skill to do certain things or to achieve something, then we need to learn and practice until we can do certain things and to achieve something with the required knowledge and well-trained skill.

If someone has intense self-confidence strongly believing in oneself, and has high confidence towards oneself can do anything or can achieve anything successfully, but if without the specific knowledge or skill in doing certain things or to achieve certain achievements, it doesn't work.

What stops people from 'actually doing something regardless of what is the outcome', where people are having some ideas/thinking/aspiration about want to do something, but they have doubt, unsure, or uncertainty towards whether they can/should do it, or not, is because there is attachment and expectation towards the outcome or result has to be and not to be in certain way. There is fear towards failure and disappointment, or there's craving towards success and aversion towards failure. This fear towards failure and disappointment that stops people from actually doing something, is mainly due to pride and arrogance, "I cannot fail", "I don't want failure", and "I must succeed."

Those who are free from pride and arrogance, they can just do anything that they want, and they do their best in whatever they pursue, without thinking/considering about the possible outcome of success and failure, without fear towards failure or disappointment, and allowing the result/outcome to be what it is. They are not being determined by success and failure, or the outcome of their pursue. They understand that there is possibility of success and there is possibility of failure, and it's okay. If one just thinks about it but doesn't actually do it, then there is no possibility of achieving anything. This is nothing to do with self-confidence (faith and believing in oneself that one will be successful in everything that one wants to do and achieve) or confidence and faith towards anything that allows success in whatever people want to do or achieve.

If someone wants to be an architect, he or she needs to study architecture, and accumulates profound knowledge and develops understanding about architecture, and develops the specific skill that is required for being an architect. If someone has the interest in being an architect, but doesn't have the ability or talent to understand specific knowledge about architecture, or couldn't develop the required skill in being an architect, even after having enough knowledge about architecture, then even though one has intense self-confidence or high confidence about "I want to be an architect and I will be an architect for sure," but one couldn't become an architect due to some limitation. And it's okay. One can choose to do something else that is within one's ability, limitation and understanding, in the present moment. If after some time, the limitation that disallowed oneself to be an architect in the past have now changed for some reasons, where one can easily grasp the knowledge of architecture, or have no limitation to develop the required skill for being an architect, then one can pick up one's interest or ambition again. If it still doesn't work for some other reasons, it's okay.

It's the same as having expectation towards the outcome/result of one's action, by having intense self-confidence or high confidence strongly believing in oneself can do or achieve something successfully without failure, don't really change the outcome of one's action. It's either one do it, or not, and whether one gives one's best effort and full attention, or not, in the process of doing or achieving something. And whether the outcome/result is desirable, or not, it's nothing to do with the high or low expectation, and the high or low self-confidence and confidence.

It's the presence or absence of fear towards failure and disappointment, or the fear towards unable to do or achieve something due to pride and arrogance, and there is craving towards success/accreditation/acknowledgement/support and aversion towards failure/discredit/non-acknowledgement/losing support, that determining whether someone will be actually doing something and doing one's best to acquire the required knowledge and understanding, as well as being determined to be training and practicing the specific skill for doing something or achieving something, or not, without thinking about success and failure, without being determined by success and failure. One can be not successful in one's attempt to do or achieve something for some reasons, even after trying one's best with sufficient knowledge, understanding and skill for it, and it's okay.

For example, in any competitions.

One needs to have that specific talent, knowledge, correct understanding and skill in any particular type of competition, may it be something physical or mental, technical or artistic, or both. Upon having the specific talent, knowledge, correct understanding and skill, it requires lots of persistent but not excessive training and practicing to enhance the skill to the maximum, as well as be endowed with attention, focus, determination, perseverance, patience, forbearance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation and accommodation in the process of training and practicing. Self-confidence and confidence has nothing to do with all these hard work, and doesn't change the outcome being what it is.

If the training or practice is not enough, if there is lack of attention, focus, determination, perseverance, patience, forbearance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation and accommodation in the process of training and practicing, then it will influence the performance during the competition, for sure, even if oneself has intense self-confidence or high confidence about "I will win this competition and in all competitions," it doesn't work.

Those who understand, it's either win or loose/not winning in any competitions, and it's not that important, and will just do one's best and allow the result to be what it is. Maybe one's performance has been very good during training and practicing, but somehow, one's performance is not as good as it should be during the competition for some unexpected reasons, especially if it's a competition that requires team work or other people's coordination, and it's okay.

Sportsmanship, effort, attention, focus, non-expectation and acceptance are more useful and relevant than self-confidence or confidence and expectation in the process of training and practicing before the competition, and even more useful and relevant especially during the competition.

Another example, in crossing the road.

One needs to pay attention, and know to look out for any vehicles/cyclists/pedestrians/animals/objects coming from all directions and judge whether it's safe to cross the road at that timing, or not. One doesn't need to have self-confidence or confidence to cross the road. It's the presence or absence of fear that determines whether the person can cross the road calmly with the required attention and judgment of whether it's safe to cross at that timing, or not, as well as the patience to be waiting until it's safe to cross, even if the green light for the pedestrian crossing is on, as certain reckless irresponsible road users might not stop at the red light. By having strong self-confidence or confidence, or even intense faith in God, about "I can just cross the road anytime that I want and I don't need to pay attention or look out for any vehicles/cyclists/pedestrians/animals/objects coming from any directions, and nothing is going to happen on me," is mere ignorance.

For example, getting into a relationship.

By having strong self-confidence and high confidence in oneself doesn't determine that the person whom we love, will love us, or not, or want to be in a relationship with us, or not.

Some people say that they are not confident to love someone, or to be in a relationship with someone. But that is nothing to do with confidence, but it's actually fear towards being rejected, or aversion towards getting into a bad/difficult/problematic/failed relationship with the wrong person. Like anything else, one needs to know what is love and how to love before loving someone and getting into a relationship with someone, without hurting oneself and those whom one wants to love, and wants to be in a relationship with. Knowing what is love and how to love someone, is nothing to do with high or low self-confidence and confidence, but it's whether we know what is unconditional non-possessive desireless love, and know what is non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion and non-expectation, or not.

Last, but not least example, in giving birth.

Self-confidence and confidence is irrelevant in the labour process. Some women don't have any knowledge about conceiving and nurturing a baby, and doesn't have high self-confidence or confidence, but they still deliver their babies like everyone else. Some women may have high self-confidence or confidence towards delivering a healthy baby, but things might not happen exactly the way that they think and anticipate how it should be. Whether one is being a good mother, or not, is nothing to do with low or high self-confidence and confidence about "I am equipped with the knowledge and skill of being a good mother. I will be a good mother and I am a good mother." or "I don't know whether I will be a good mother, or not." It's about doing one's best to love unconditionally without attachment, possessiveness and expectation, and guiding the child wisely and compassionately, while learning and gaining experience throughout the entire process of bringing up a child.

No matter how strong is one's self-confidence believing in oneself, or has high confidence/faith towards God, the doctor/midwife and nurses, or being positive and optimistic, or how much knowledge about conceiving and nurturing a baby during pregnancy and after birth that one has, and has been planning a specific way to deliver the baby spiritually, efficiently or painlessly, or how well one has been preparing physically and mentally in delivering the baby, and still, it's not in one's control of how everything happens during the entire pregnancy, especially during the process of labour. Most women will say, it's so painful that one wouldn't think of anything else, about all the projection, preparation, anticipation or expectation, but just do one's best to deliver the baby safely within the shortest time as much as possible, minimizing the pain and any risk that endangering the safety of the mother and the baby, regardless of using whatever way that is most suitable at that time to deliver the baby to ensure the safety of the mother and the baby.

The process of learning and performing the yoga asana practice with the correct understanding is all about these. It's nothing to do with self-confidence or confidence in the process of learning or performing certain yoga asana poses, with the aspiration/expectation of "I can and will be able to do all these yoga asana poses perfectly." But, it's about being free from egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, on top of developing attention, focus, determination, perseverance, patience, forbearance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation and accommodation, that allow the practitioner to keep trying and keep practicing until the practice comes to an end, upon Self-realization, without thinking about success and failure, or the outcome/result of the practice, without being determined by the ups and downs, pleasantness and unpleasantness, success and failure, what the body can do or cannot do, or what the mind knows and doesn't know during the entire process of learning and practicing.

More importantly, what the body can do or cannot do, and what the mind knows and doesn't know, as well as how much benefits/goodness/enjoyment or unpleasantness/difficulty one has been receiving from the yoga asana practice, doesn't determine whether the mind will attain Self-realization and be free from ignorance and suffering, or not. But the perseverance and determination of keep practicing without attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, the ability of letting go and allowing everything to be what they are, as they are, and respecting all are impermanent, it doesn't matter after many years of practicing, the body still cannot perform many of the yoga asana poses, or whether can do all the poses comfortably/nicely, or not, will leads the mind towards Self-realization.

There's no need of self-confidence and confidence in anything, especially in selflessness.

Inquire the truth of everything and be free.

What makes a person truly confident?

Many people would think and believe that the higher education, knowledge, physical and mental ability, experience, qualification, title, living standard, health condition, fitness level, wealth, success, achievement and contribution that one has, and the more love, liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, accreditation, recognition, approval, respect, praise and compliment received from other human beings from the family, the friends circle, the social network, the community and the society, or from certain organization and authority, that worth being proud of by oneself and others, then the higher the confidence will be.

People are being advised, or coached, or brought up in the way that in order to empower or boost their sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness or meaningfulness, people need to work on developing, equipping, attaining, possessing, accumulating and empowering all these names and forms in themselves that worth being proud of. People would then be acknowledged, accredited, praised and complimented for every single 'development', 'improvement' or 'achievement' in all those names and forms, regardless of big or small, to let people think and feel that "I know something", "I can do something", "I can achieve something", "I can give and contribute", "I worth something", "I deserve something", "I am good", "I am good enough", "I am beautiful", "I am strong", "I am useful", "I am meaningful", "I am loved and appreciated", "I am proud of myself", "People are proud of me", and so on, which would 'empower' people's sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness and meaningfulness.

But that sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness or meaningfulness that built on any impermanent and selfless qualities of names and forms is not real. It's subject to selfless impermanent changes. That's why people can still be experiencing/perceiving/suffering from different kinds of mental and emotional suffering even after attended many different types of empowerment workshops that empowers all these names and forms, that have been helping them on achieving higher education, knowledge, physical and mental ability, experience, qualification, title, living standard, health condition, fitness level, wealth, success, achievement and contribution, and they have been receiving certain amount of liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, accreditation, recognition, approval, respect, praise and compliment from other human beings, especially when all these names and forms start to change into something else, that is no longer available or being the way that they desire it to be.

People would be in painful suffering when the function of the physical body and the thinking faculty starts to deteriorate, when they loose their memory, physical and mental ability, health, fitness, wealth, job, carreer, business, beloved family, relationship, friendship, or companionship, and etc.

The real confidence is beyond qualities, names and forms that are subject to impermanence and selflessness. The real confidence is when 'confidence', 'self-esteem', 'self-worth', 'satisfaction', 'purposefulness' and 'meaningfulness' are not needed to be existing in life existence, when people are no longer being determined or valued by any of all these impermanent qualities of names and forms to be 'who I am', to be proud of, or not, and to be happy, or not.

One can be highly successful in all pursues, but one is not being determined by all those names and forms, as well as there's no fear of losing all those names and forms that generate all kinds of success to oneself.

Those who know this, they are aware of and acknowledging all the physical and mental ability and disability or limitation, what the mind knows and doesn't know, where they can make use of the limited ability and knowledge to be doing something in this world, or not, while they can also work on improving/expanding their limited ability and knowledge, or not, but they are not being determined by all these impermanent and selfless qualities of names and forms to be who they are. They are fine as they are, and they know it's impermanent, and they are fine with all the impermanent changes, as they are. They don't need to develop or empower the sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness or meaningfulness to be 'Somebody that I and other people be proud of', as they know all these names and forms are nothing but the by-products of ignorance and egoism deriving from the worldly ignorant egoistic minds that built on worldly egoistic social/cultural/religious/spiritual/commercial/political/educational thinking, belief, values and practice.

The life existence and function of this impermanent and selfless physical body and the thinking faculty needs to be maintained by sufficient energy and the elements of heat, water, air, nutrients, minerals, the earth, and the space for living/resting. They don't need to be maintained by ignorant egoistic passionate ideas/creations/desires/aspiration/inspiration born out of ignorance and egoism. One can live life as one is, without being determined or valued by the presence and absence of the sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness or meaningfulness that need to be maintained at a certain level, restlessly. What is success, what is failure, what is meaningful, what is meaningless, what is pride deserving, what is shame deserving, it means nothing to the impermanent selfless body and thinking mind.

There's no fear of losing the qualities and names and forms that make oneself and others feel proud of, that give rise to the sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness or meaningfulness, as it doesn't exist in them. There's no craving towards liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, accreditation, recognition, approval, respect, praise and compliment from anyone. There's no aversion towards the absence of liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, accreditation, recognition, approval, respect, praise and compliment from some others. There's absence of insult, offensiveness, defensiveness, disrespectfulness, belittling, loneliness, worthlessness, unloved, or left out.

Those who don't know this, they always live in fear of losing something that give rise to the sense of confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, satisfaction, purposefulness or meaningfulness in them. There's craving and aversion towards the presence and absence of liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, accreditation, recognition, approval, respect, praise and compliment from some others. There's presence of insult, offensiveness, defensiveness, disrespectfulness, belittling, loneliness, worthlessness, unloved and left out.

Those who are not being determined by any qualities of names and forms to be confident, or not, they might not know everything, they might not know how to do many things, and they might not speak many different languages, but they are not determined by all kinds of limitations that disallow them to do certain things, instead, they know how to make use of what they know, what they can do, and what language that they know, to be doing something or achieving something that is within their ability, without being determined by the limitations or what they don't know and can't do or achieve, without being determined by the outcome or the result of their actions being what it is, may it be highly successful, or little bit successful, or completely failure.

Inquire the truth of everything, and be free.

Self-esteem that doesn't need to be there at all

Regardless of the many different geographical, nationality, ancestry, ethnical, cultural, religious and social backgrounds in the world, most people have one thing in common, that is about developing and empowering self-esteem, or in other terms, self-worth, or confidence, or pride.

Self-esteem is nothing but the by-products of ignorance and egoism, and is being empowered by ignorant egoistic attachment and identification towards the quality of names and forms that is subject to impermanence and selflessness.

Similarly, the existence of all kinds of nationality, culture, religion and social class in the world are also the by-products of ignorance and egoism, and are being empowered by egoistic attachment and identification towards certain qualities of name and form, that generate separateness and discrimination which directly lead to so much unnecessary humanity problems, that also directly and indirectly relate to various degrees of psychological mental and emotional suffering in many people.

Almost everyone are being brought up in their family, their schools, their work place and the society in the way of developing and empowering the sense of self-esteem, self-worth, confidence or pride that built on certain quality of names and forms that is being recognized by their particular thinking, belief, values and practice about what is existence deserving, love deserving, acceptance deserving, success deserving, happiness deserving, praise deserving, respect deserving and pride deserving. If people don't attain or possess those quality of names and forms, then they think and believe that they or other people are not good enough for being what they are, as they are.

Many people are more or less being determined and affected by the sense of self-esteem. Or, many people are suffering from self-esteem problem that affecting themselves and their life, behavior, study, work and relationship with everyone and everything. Some people even hurt themselves due to being disturbed by the sense of self-esteem that they were told to develop in certain way, but didn't turn out to be the way that they would like it to be.

People think and believe that in order to help those who would hurt themselves due to being disturbed by the sense of self-esteem is by empowering their self-esteem by helping them to build up a stronger self and group identity attaching and identifying with certain qualities of names and forms, by helping them to be equipped with certain 'good' quality and the ability to achieve certain achievement in order to allow them to see or realize something in them that are worthy for them to feel good, meaningful and proud of. But that doesn't really help, as it not just doesn't remove the root cause of such 'disturbs' which is ignorance and egoism, but it empowers the ignorance and egoism.

Self-esteem doesn't need to be existing at all in anyone for being existing and living in the world as a person in one's life existence or being part of the diverse community in the world globally.

Many personal psychological mental or emotional problems deriving from self-esteem are directly and indirectly contributing to the many unnecessary family, relationship and social problems in the world.

Everyone's life and well-being and the world is much better off without the need of the presence of self-esteem influencing everyone individually and socially.

Both low self-esteem and high self-esteem (pride) that built on certain quality of names and forms contribute equally to the many unnecessary problems in one's life and relationship with everyone.

Those who are free from being determined by the sense of self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and pride, being free from either low or high self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and pride, they are not being determined by any quality of names and forms to be who they are, to be peaceful and happy, or not. They are not being influenced, or manipulated, or 'controlled' by any particular political, national, ethnical, cultural, religious, or social thinking, belief, values and practice in the world. They are free from separateness and discrimination towards all and everything. They are peaceful as they are. They don't generate actions and reactions that hurt oneself and/or others in their personal life and in the world that derived from psychological mental and emotional problems.

Unfortunately, 'control freak' exists in the family (especially in parenting), in human relationships, in the schools, in the work place, in the society, and more importantly under any religion and country, to 'mould' and 'herd' people to be and not to be in certain ways, in order to gratify their personal or group ambition/desire/self-interest as well as to 'protect', 'empower' and 'sustain' their particular thinking, belief, values and practice.

Human beings are being told to inherit, adopt, nurture, empower, protect and sustain their personal and group identity of a particular family, ancestry, culture, ethnicity, birth place, community, society, social class, nationality and religious or spiritual belief and practice, and be prideful and protective towards their particular identity and their family, ancestry, culture, ethnicity, birth place, community, society, social class, nationality and religion or spirituality. That's where all kinds of separateness, discrimination, offensiveness, dissatisfaction, fear, anger, hatred, oppression, prejudice, unjust and violence in the world come from.

There are quite many people, especially those who think and believe that they are good, righteous, moral and superior people, who are being proud of themselves for discriminating against someone or something they dislike and disagree with, while there are also 'really good and kind' people who want to protest against all kinds of discrimination in the world, but they might not be aware of the root cause of 'discrimination'. Unwittingly, they are supporting and empowering the root cause of discrimination all the time in themselves, their family, their school, their work place and in their society and country, while actively protesting against discrimination of any kind.

To stop all kinds of discrimination in the world efficiently can only be achieved by removing the root cause of discrimination, that is ignorance and egoism, and all the by-products of ignorance and egoism, such like self-esteem, self-worth, confidence, pride, nationalism, patriotism, authoritarianism, ethicalism, religionism, and etc. While the empowerment of these names and forms is nothing but fueling discrimination in the world.

People don't just discriminate all the others, but they also discriminate themselves due to the presence and absence of certain qualities in themselves that they like and dislike, agree and disagree with, desire and don't desire. People were being brought up and empowered in the way to have high expectation towards themselves, which also leads towards having certain expectation towards other people in their family, relationship, community and the world to be or not to be in certain way. Most people think and believe that that is the right way to be successful, happy and meaningful. That's their freedom of thinking and belief. And the world is under the influence of such thinking and belief, and being what it is.

The teachings and practice of yoga and Buddhism is mainly to free one's mind from such ignorance and egoism by letting go or abandoning all kinds of personal and group identity and attachment, for realizing unconditional non-discriminative compassion which leads to individual peace that contributes to universal world peace.

If the human or non-human beings in the world are suffering and living in fear under the presence of discrimination, anger, hatred and violence under the intention of ‘protecting’ and ‘upholding’ any particular teachings and belief with certain names and forms that different people attaching onto and identifying with as who they are, where their self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and pride built from, that supposedly ‘preached’ about peace and harmony and loving kindness, but then the human leaders of that particular teachings and belief encourage the believers, or followers, or practitioners to be violent and hurtful against anything and anyone that they recognized as ‘intimidation’, ‘insult’, ‘belittling’, ‘offensiveness’, or ‘disrespectfulness’ towards their particular teachings and belief, then it doesn’t really serve any purpose of promoting and upholding universal peace and harmony and loving kindness in the world at all.

Everyone claim that their religion and culture is the religion and culture of love, peace and kindness. How true is that, when there are constant egoistic violent and hurtful actions and reactions towards what they dislike, disagree with and don’t want.

Unfortunately, deep ignorance and egoism hinder the minds from reasoning and inquiring towards the truth of everything.

Such violent and hurtful actions and reactions also exist in those who think and believe that they are the practitioners of yoga or Buddhism. That is the power of ignorance.

Ignorance exists in all and everyone, unless someone starts to be aware of it and do something about it.

It's not the fault of any religion or culture or belief and practice, if human beings are behaving ignorantly out of ignorance and egoism. But, it shows that whether human beings have a religion, culture, belief and practice, or not, or what type of religion, culture, belief and practice people have, it's not important at all. It's about whether human minds are free or not free from ignorance and egoism. That is a universal teaching that applies to all and everyone, regardless of all the different qualities of names and forms that everyone attaching onto and identifying with.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Be strong and feel empowered?

Many people want to be 'strong' and feel 'empowered', as they think and believe that if they are 'weak' and 'vulnerable', they will be 'belittled' or 'intimidated' by those who are stronger than them, and if they are strong, they won't become a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's 'intimidation/belittling'.

In yoga, one doesn't need to be 'strong' or feel 'empowered' so that one doesn't become a 'target' or 'victim' of what most minds think and believe as a form of 'intimidation/belittling'.

One just needs to stop seeing/thinking/believing/identifying oneself as 'weak' and 'vulnerable' and one is naturally a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's 'intimidation/belittling' that needs to be toughen up and be empowered. One also needs to be free from self-pity as well as expectation or longing for receiving sympathy, empathy, protection, acknowledgement, support, attention, understanding, praise, liking, appreciation, encouragement, or empowerment from others.

It's stop thinking/believing that oneself or 'all human beings' should be treated in certain ways and shouldn't be treated in certain ways, or oneself deserves to be treated in certain ways while doesn't deserve to be treated in certain ways.

If the mind is not free from such thinking/belief/identification of  "I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people's intimidation/belittling." then even though other people are not being intimidating/belittling oneself at all, but one will always feel 'intimidated' or 'belittled' by other people's confidence, courage, credibility and straightforwardness, which the perception of being intimidated or belittled is not coming from others, but from within constantly feeling "I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people's intimidation/belittling."

Even if other people's action/speech/behavior is truly unpleasant/unreasonable with the intention to intimidate or belittling oneself, one won't be intimidated/belittled by that at all, if oneself is free from the thinking/belief/identification of "I am weak and vulnerable and being a target/victim of other people's intimidation/belittling." and would allow other people to act/speak/behave the way as they are, but one is not determined or disturbed by it. Neither does one need to be 'protected' from it.

One would stop seeing/perceiving 'intimidation/belittling' here and there, but just being aware of people are either being confident, courageous, credible and straightforward as they are which is nothing 'intimidating/belittling', or people are acting/speaking/behaving in the way that reflects their state of mind under the influence of ignorance, egoism, impurities, unhappiness, or suffering. Instead of feeling being a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's intimidation/belittling, one will be compassionate towards other people's unhappiness and suffering.

One will understand that one doesn't need to be 'strong' or feel 'empowered' at all, as the one who feels weak and vulnerable, who is highly sensitive, who is longing for attention and understanding from other people, who has expectation towards other people's treatments towards oneself has to be in certain ways and not to be in certain ways, who thinks oneself deserves certain treatments/reactions and doesn't deserve certain treatments/reactions, who constantly feels intimidated/offended/bullied/victimized/belittled/unattended/unheard/discouraged by other people, who wants to be sympathized, be protected, be heard, be understood, be noticed, be attended, be encouraged, be supported, be liked, be praised, be appreciated and be acknowledged, or who doesn't like to be unnoticed/unattended, unheard, disliked, disagreed with or criticized, is the ego.

Free the mind from this ego.

One will no longer identify oneself as a 'target' or 'victim' of other people's 'intimidation/belittling'. One stops seeing other people's action/speech/behavior that one's mind perceives/recognizes as unpleasant/unreasonable as a form of 'intimidation/belittling', while allowing other people to be free to act/speak/behave the way as they are, to express their unhappiness and suffering in the way that they are, that they know.

Those who understand this, they cannot be disturbed/hurt by other people's 'unpleasant/unreasonable' action/speech/behavior, but they can choose to move away in silence. It's not a weakness to move away in silence towards other people's 'unpleasant/unreasonable' action/speech/behavior, as these people are in suffering/unhappiness, and they don't know how to express their suffering/unhappiness in a less unpleasant/unreasonable way.

Be free.

Worldly identifications

One of the great obstacles or challenges for the yoga enthusiasts to be free from egoism is the intense attachment towards worldly identifications with some qualities of names and forms to be existing as 'I'.

It's 'unthinkable' for the egoistic minds to be 'functioning' or 'aware of the mind perception of a worldly life of names and forms' without any identifications with some qualities of names and forms to be acknowledged by oneself and others as 'This is I'.

There's great fear towards losing the sense of the existence of 'I', or 'selflessness/'I'-lessness', or being unable to be acknowledged by oneself and others as "I am this and that", if without any of the identifications that the egoistic thinking mind would like to acknowledge itself and be acknowledged by others that "I exist as an (unique/special/distinctive/meaningful) individual being with such and such qualities of names and forms."

Similarly, most minds have great fear towards letting go all kinds of superstitious thinking, beliefs, values and practices that were being ingrained into the minds from very young age by their elders, parents, relatives, friends, school teachers, religious teachers, the community and the society. Very few minds would question the truth of all those thinking, beliefs, values and practices, to inquire the truth of everything that was told or informed by everyone, and would just blind-believing, blind-following, blind-practicing and blind-passing on all these thinking, beliefs, values and practices. As most people would 'label' themselves or be 'labeled' by others as 'bad person' or 'traitor' towards one's root and ancestor's cultural background and family values, if they don't embrace or follow or pass down those thinking, beliefs, values and practices.

For many people, this is the 'normal', 'good', 'productive', 'positive', 'healthy', 'successful', 'meaningful' and 'rightful' way of life or living.

Not only that there was a 'basic identity upon birth' that relates to a 'given name', a 'gender', a 'family', an 'ethnicity', a 'birth place', a 'nationality' and a 'security ID number', but everyone was growing up being conditioned by the society to identify oneself with a 'sexual orientation', a 'personality', a 'physical appearance', a 'self-image', a 'body image', a 'physical condition', a 'mental state', a 'religion', a 'culture', a 'lifestyle', a 'trend', and etc. Most minds are being 'encouraged' by the society to be constantly 'developing' and 'possessing' further more other qualities of names and forms to empower or strengthen that 'self-identity', that would allow the minds to feel proud, confident and meaningful towards the existence of 'I' under such identifications. Such like, "I am a 'good', 'strong', 'healthy', 'fit', 'beautiful', 'attractive', 'stylish', 'successful', 'intelligent', 'knowledgeable', 'positive', 'multi tasking', 'talented', 'well-informed', 'well-behaved', 'inspirational', 'generous' and 'kind loving' human being on top of all the identifications with a particular belief, religion, spirituality, culture, caste, sect, educational level, social status, community group, political views, profession, interests, qualifications, certifications, achievements, contributions, possessions, relationships, connections, and so on.

There are some common sayings such as -
"Be good, do good, and life will be all good and you will be happy."
"Be nice and friendly to other people, and other people will be nice and friendly to you."
That is not necessary true.

But everyone has been circulating that kind of sayings especially from the elders to the youngsters, or from the yoga teachers to the yoga students. Many people experiencing disappointment, depression and meaninglessness because they have such expectation towards life, where everyone and everything has to be in certain ways based on those sayings.

Many times, life is not necessarily all good and people are not happy even after they are being good and they have done many good. And it's okay.

People don't have to be happy all the time. Just be good and do good, and allow the fruit of actions to be what it is, not necessarily has to be the way that we would like it to be.

Sometimes, people are not being grateful or appreciative towards our kindness and friendliness, and are not being nice or friendly to us when we are being nice and friendly to them. And it's okay.

People don't have to be grateful and appreciative, and be nice and friendly to others, if they don't want to. Just be nice and friendly to others, without the expectation that other people should be grateful and appreciative, and be nice and friendly to us in return.

The most practical way in the yoga practice to eliminate egoism from the mind is via renunciation of what most minds being conditioned to think and believe as the 'normal' and 'meaningful' way of life. Moving the mind away from the egoistic worldly social cultural thinking and beliefs, ideas, relationships, connections, interactions and activities, and letting go novels, news and magazines reading, radio listening, movies watching and theater visiting. Be determined to observe seclusion and solitude for at least five or six years, cutting off all kinds of worldly social cultural inputs, ideas, connections, activities and interactions, to allow the mind to be free from being conditioned by worldly thinking and beliefs that are all about empowering worldly attachment and identification. Only then the mind can see the truth of names and forms as it is.

Once the mind is free from being conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking and beliefs, it is no longer being determined by any of the worldly identifications with qualities of names and forms to be existing as 'I'. There's no need to feel proud, confident or meaningful towards "I am somebody endowed with this and that prideful, superior and meaningful qualities."

There's no 'I' being there that needs to be empowered, be acknowledged, be motivated, be inspired, be loved, be proud, be confident and be meaningful. There's no 'I' being there to be strong, be weak, be happy, be unhappy, be positive, be negative, be good, be bad, be hurt, be healed, be pleased, be displeased, be praised, be insulted, be selfish, be unselfish, be unfree or be free.

While the entire world emphasize on the empowerment of a strong self-identity nurtured with the qualities of names and forms of particular social/cultural/ethnicity/nationality ideas/values/practices, yoga practice is mainly to free the mind from all these identifications with any qualities of names and forms.

Even the idea of "I am a yoga practitioner practicing yoga of annihilating ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness" and the desire of "I want to practice yoga to be free from ignorance and suffering" vanished from the minds that know thyself.

Go beyond self-esteem and self-worth

For those who are not really interested in the path of yoga, they don't need to 'practice yoga'. People can just live everyday life as they are, don't need to do anything to purify the mind, to render the mind quiet, to free the mind from the influence of worldly egoistic ideas, thinking, belief, behavior, action and reaction, to free the mind from ignorance and the by-products of ignorance - egoism, impurities, restlessness and suffering.

People can continue being passionate towards improving the quality of a worldly life that mostly emphasize on the gratification of the desires of wants and don't wants.

From young to old, it's all about developing and enhancing the qualities of name and form that the thinking mind attached onto and identifies as 'I', to carry on or adopt a particular cultural/religious/spiritual belief and practice that influence the way of life, to be 'educated', to accumulate 'knowledge', 'skills' and 'qualifications', to empower a high self-esteem and self-worth that builds on personality, confidence, self-image, body image, charm and attractiveness, physical and mental ability and achievement, to be accumulating relationships and friendships, to broadening social networks, to establish a livelihood and a social/community life, to enjoy sights/sounds/tastes/smells/sensations/imagination, to aspire and be inspired, to fall in love, to find a life partner or some lovers, to reprocreate, to build a family, to enjoy easier and more comfortable life, to contribute to the society or the country or the world, to attain acknowledgement, recognition, support, praise and compliments, to attain 'success' in life, career and relationship, to attain the sense of existence, purpose, pride, happiness, joyfulness, blessedness, gladness and meaningfulness.

For those who sincerely want to practice yoga and realize yoga, then go beyond a worldly life that emphasizes on developing and enhancing 'self-esteem' and 'self-worth' that derived from ignorance and egoism that feed on worldly ideas, thinking, beliefs and practice.

The necessity or importance of developing and enhancing 'self-esteem', 'self-worth', 'confidence', 'self-image', 'body image', 'charm and attractiveness', 'physical and mental ability and achievement', 'the sense of existence/purpose/meaningfulness', and etc, are nothing but the play of ignorance and egoism.

The sense of self-esteem and self-worth that builds on the qualities of names and forms, such as "I know something", "I can do something", "I achieved something", "I am good", "I look good", "I feel good", "I am strong", "I am healthy", "I have family and friends", "I am contributing something", "I am acknowledged and supported", "My life/career/relationship is good and meaningful" and so on, is conditional and impermanent. It will break.

Yoga practitioners are supposed to eliminate the egoism and not empowering the egoism. It's the ego that needs to have a high self-esteem to achieve 'success' in life, career and relationship, to attain the sense of existence, acknowledgement, self-worth, confidence, purpose, or meaningfulness. And thus it performs actions out of intention and aspiration. It attached onto and identifies with its actions and the fruit of actions. It is being determined and bound by the actions and the fruit of actions.

For those who are aware of this, actions are being performed out of compassion, without the need/aspiration of 'developing' and 'enhancing' self-esteem to achieve 'success' in life, career and relationship, to attain the sense of existence, acknowledgement, self-worth, confidence, purpose, or meaningfulness. Though that is what most people including highly educated and intelligent minds strongly believe in and are practicing, and that's their freedom.

"Well done!"
"That's very good!"
"You should be proud of yourself!"
"I am so proud of you!"
Most people think and believe that all these words are very essential positive encouragement and acknowledgement towards somebody's achievement to enhance their self-esteem and self-worth, so that they will be motivated to strive harder to improve and be better, to attain continuous positive feedback and acknowledgement, to attain the sense of self-worth, accomplishment, purpose, meaningfulness. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Those who are free from ignorance and egoism don't need any 'positive words of encouragement or acknowledgement' from anyone to motivate them to perform actions that will benefit all and everyone, and are not disturbed or discouraged by any 'negative words of discouragement or non-acknowledgement' to be continuing performing actions that will benefit all and everyone.

'Yoga teachers' who truly teach yoga in the yoga class don't empower the egoism in the yoga students but to allow the students to develop correct understanding and direct experience towards the practice of yoga to eliminate the egoism.

By constantly giving the students 'positive words of encouragement' out of "good intention to encourage and motivate the students to be good, do good, to improve and be better" because the teacher thinks and believes that "the students who haven't developed non-craving and non-attachment would be discouraged or lack of motivation to be good and do good, or to improve in their practice, if the teacher doesn't give any 'positive words of encouragement' to the students", don't help to eliminate the egoism, but instead will only be empowering the egoism in the students. And if the students have already developed non-craving and non-attachment towards any kind of 'positive words of encouragements', then, 'positive words of encouragements' are needless in such yoga classes, as the students don't need to hear any 'positive words of encouragements' to motivate them to be good, do good and to improve, neither the students will be discouraged or lack of motivation to perform their practice, to be good, do good and to improve, if the teacher never give any form of 'positive words of encouragements.'

Be free.

Self-esteem and confidence

Any issues regarding self-esteem and confidence shouldn't and doesn't need to be existing at all. But due to ignorance and egoism, many people depend on self-esteem and confidence to be who they are, to be happy and feel meaningful, or not. Many people are suffering from mild to severe low self-esteem or low confidence that leads to the sense of meaninglessness and depression. Even many mental and psychological related studies and professionals also preach, think and believe that the development and empowerment of self-esteem and confidence is very important in life existence as human beings and it's the key to personal and global growth, success and happiness.

Real confidence has nothing to do with self-esteem or confidence that builds on physical appearance, condition, ability and achievement, or mental state, ability and achievement, or desirable and undesirable life experiences, or good and bad relationships with parents, family, friends and the rest of the world. It is beyond all these names and forms, when the mind has gone beyond the identification of what the mind thinks is ‘I’ and ‘my’, where this identification of ‘I’ and ‘my’ with the different qualities of names and forms is just a by-product of the worldly thinking and belief, or family, cultural, social and religious belief.

It's the ego that feels it has to be good enough for something, or for somebody, or for oneself. It also feels that it might be not good enough for something, or for somebody, or for oneself, based on what the thinking and belief recognize as 'good' and 'good enough', or what is 'self-esteem and confidence', 'success', 'happiness' and 'meaningfulness', and the relationship between them, where most people think and believe that 'high self-esteem and confidence' is related to 'success', and 'success' is related to 'happiness', while 'happiness' is related to 'meaningfulness'. And many people are suffering because of this thinking and belief or trying to live up to this thinking and belief for their entire life, and passing this thinking and belief from generation to generation.

It's the idea of 'I', or the ego, that needs to feel good about oneself, and wants other people to perceive oneself as good enough, and needs to attain or possess certain qualities of names and forms to be identifying with, that would make one feels good and proud of oneself and also would make other people feel good and proud of oneself, in order to be happy and live life meaningfully.

And all these qualities of names and forms are impermanent and there is no 'I' to be found in any of these names and forms, or to be in control of the impermanent changes, to be the way that 'I' like it to be. No matter how much influences we can influence the condition of the physical body and the state of the mind, to maintain the function and the life span of the body and the mind, the body and mind will still have to go through inevitable changes of decay, old age, discomfort, illness, weakness, ceased functioning, and decompose, or death.

Once the mind fully understood this, it will be free from the bondage of self-esteem and confidence. There's no 'I' being good or not good enough. There's neither high nor low self-esteem. There's neither high nor low confidence.

One doesn't need to be somebody with particular appearance, condition, ability or achievement, or have certain good and positive life experiences, or good relationships with anyone, in order to feel confident, happy, satisfied or meaningful.

One can have and appreciate all the attention, affection, support, agreement, acknowledgement, love or companionship that is available in the present, but one doesn't need other people's attention, affection, support, agreement, acknowledgement, love or companionship in order to feel confident, love, happy or meaningful. If all these qualities of names and forms are not available, one is still happy and peaceful as one is. One doesn't feel lack of something or missing out anything, or one is not good enough to deserve love, happiness and meaningfulness.

And that's real confidence. One doesn't need to be confident or satisfied about oneself at all. One doesn't need to feel proud of oneself, and doesn't need other people to feel proud of oneself, to be 'I', or the good 'I', the successful 'I', the happy 'I', the meaningful 'I'. One is happy and peaceful as one is, without any identification with any quality as 'I'.

There is no thinking or identification of "I am a good and kind human being. I want to do good and be kind and be able to contribute towards humanity." but goodness, kindness and contribution towards humanity are being manifested and performed through the body and mind out of wisdom and compassion.

If one doesn't know this, one will always looking for or craving for attaining and possessing certain qualities of names and forms that one would like to relate oneself with, to be identifying with, to feel good and satisfied about oneself, to boost up one's self-esteem and confidence to be who 'I' am, thinking that by attaining and possessing such qualities of names and forms will also make other people to give them the attention, affection, support, agreement, acknowledgement, love or companionship that they want from other people, in order to be happy and feel love and meaningful. But then one is not free. And that's one's freedom of thinking and action.

Be free.

Body image issue, where it shouldn't exist in the first place

In the areas where people are struggling everyday to attain the basic food and water resources to survive, to have a place to rest and be sheltered from harsh weather, to be free from hunger, thirst, exhaustion, discrimination, hatred, war and violence, there won't be such body image issue existing.

Meanwhile, in the modern commercialized society with higher technology and comfortable or fancy lifestyle, where economy and spending power is stable and strong, where basic and higher education came with various subjects and interests is accessible for everyone, where people have the luxury to indulge in physical and mental enjoyments of the senses of sights/visuals, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations and thoughts/ideas/creativity/imaginations, where food is easily and excessively available in various forms and tastes, where food has gone beyond being a basic necessity of life but becoming an enjoyment of taste, where water and electricity supply and various modern facilities are available easily, where clothing is no longer a basic material to keep warm and be protected from insects and cuts but plays as an important role for self-image and self-esteem, where people are being presented with different choices of lifestyle and leisure activities, where people are interested in promoting health, beauty and fitness, and put importance into personal and general hygiene, where people can travel easily from one place to another, where people can have dreams and ambitions to be fulfilled, where countless opportunities are available for everyone, but then ridiculously, many people are being troubled by body image issue, which is truly unnecessary.

It doesn't matter people are being knowledgeable, or intelligent, or talented and skillful in certain subjects, or highly educated, or having a successful career, or having a high profile in the community or society, or having a generous income and an easy comfortable high technology living standard, many people are being troubled very much by body image issue, unwittingly.

People's state of mind, the sense of meaningfulness, confidence, self-esteem, happiness and sense of self-worth and well-being are very much determined by the body image consists of facial features, skin condition, hair condition, physical appearance, body shape, body composition, physical condition, physical ability and achievement, that they like or dislike, satisfied or dissatisfied with, based on a particular standard that they set for themselves to comply to.

People get depressed when they think they have a body image issue, that they are dissatisfied with and dislike their facial features, skin condition, body hair, hair condition and style, physical appearance, body shape, physical condition and ability as it is, that they prefer or desire their body to be something different from what it is now, according to what they think is better, nicer, healthier, fitter, stronger, younger, prettier, or more attractive.

To counter this body image issue, most people will try to achieve the body image that they would like to have, that they think is the best body image, that would give them the sense of satisfaction and good feelings about their bodies and themselves.

Even many of the yoga classes in the world are emphasizing on promoting improvement in physical appearance, physical condition and ability, to boost people's self-esteem, confidence, sense of self-worth and well-being. And the yoga teachers/instructors aspire to portray a body image of 'good' or 'fit' or 'healthy' or 'attractive' or 'high performance' kind of physical appearance, condition and ability to inspire or motivate the yoga students to also achieve the similar form of body image (enhanced physical appearance, condition, ability and performance.) - "I can achieve this, so can you!" or "Yoga makes you look better and feel better!" But this is not the teaching and practice of yoga. This is empowering ignorance and egoism. It might give them momentary good feelings and confidence about their body and themselves (the ego) by achieving the kind of body image that they prefer, but it doesn't help people to be free from the suffering of low self-esteem and depression derived from attachment and identification with the impermanent physical appearance, condition and ability to be who they are. Once the quality of the body image that they like, that they attached onto and identified with, that makes them feel good and confident about themselves starts to change into something else or is no longer available due to impermanence, they will suffer from disappointment, dissatisfaction, self-hate, self-criticism, low self-esteem, depression, self-harm, and so on.

When people think they are disturbed by body image issue, that is mainly due to ignorance and egoism. There is great identification and attachment towards the physical body and all that is related to the physical body, to be 'I', or what they think is who they are.

Realize yoga or selflessness, be free from identification and attachment towards the physical body, and body image issues won't be existing at all. One will take good care of the well-being of the physical body, out of compassion, without attachment towards the impermanent physical appearance, condition and ability, without identification with the physical body as 'I', or 'Who I am'. Be kind to the body, live a healthy lifestyle to benefit the physical body, and allowing the physical body to improve and change to be what it is, as it is, without any egoistic desire or intention or expectation to make or transform or change the physical body to be the way that 'I' would like it to be, so that 'I' will feel good, happy, satisfied and confident about 'my' body and 'I'. This truly is loving our body, accepting the body as it is, while allowing all the changes to be there as they are, to be what they are.

Expecting the body to be the way that we like it to be, and constantly straining and forcing the physical body with intense physical training so that it will be able to do what we want it to do, and to look the way that we want it to look, to achieve the body image that we prefer/desire, is not loving our body, but it's the ego loving what it likes and wants. "I want my body to be like this or to be able to do that." Again, it's everyone's freedom for what they want to do with their body, and how they want to treat their body.

Be free.

Be bold, if we want to be ambitious...

If we are ambitious to do something, then be ready for positive and negative reactions, feedback or response. Be bold.

If we only welcome 'supportive' and 'positive' response or compliments, but do not want any 'unsupportive' and 'negative' response or criticism, as it will influence us and determine our self-confidence, and make us feel angry or feel bad about ourselves, then don't do anything. Don't be ambitious.

It will save ourselves and others some unnecessary troubles. Or else we will be angry and unhappy when we receive some 'negative' feedback, and other people who come in contact with us also will be affected by our angry and unhappy vibrations.

Om shanti.

My life stories - Part 11

My life Stories - Part 11
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

(Updated November 2020)

I wasn’t interested in getting into any love relationship or thought of getting married to someone, before I met my husband in 2005. I was nearly 35 years old and had never been in any relationship before, not even went out for a romantic outing with anyone. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or a husband.

I wasn’t and am not perfect. I didn’t and don’t intend to be one. I don’t have a nice personality or attractive appearance, and don’t know how to behave appropriately when being in a relationship. My personality and behavior were far away from ladylike and gentleness. For many people, being direct and straightforward are being seen as bad attitude or weakness for socializing and interacting in the society, particularly in a relationship. For countless times, I watched people always being friendly, polite and nice in front of other people, but they couldn’t hold their tongues to complain and criticize about other people behind their back. Of course that’s their freedom of thoughts, actions and speech. But, I would stay away from this type of social interaction and human relationship that is full of hypocrisy and back-biting as much as possible.

In the yoga practice, we keep purifying our minds until there’s no ill-will or ill-thinking about anyone, which would take a very long time for the mind to be purified. There’s nothing to complain or criticize about anyone for anything whether in front or behind their back. When we complain and criticize about others, it’s not because other people are being bad and wrong, or when we compliment and praise others, it’s not because other people are being good and right, but it’s our mind being impure and project impurities of good and bad qualities onto everyone and everything that our mind perceives through the senses, under the influence of personal likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements based on what our egoistic mind believes what things are and how things should be like. It’s not the truth of things as it is.

I never interested to make myself or my appearance to be attractive to attract anyone’s attention and liking. I don’t need that. If anyone doesn’t like me or disagree with my way of thinking and behavior, and if people feel intimidated or offended by my presence, I’ll let them be and I’ll stay away so that they will have peace.

Those who suffer from low self-esteem will easily feel intimidated or offended by anyone and anything, even though nobody is intentionally being intimidating or offensive towards anyone. It has to come from their own effort to be free from low self-esteem, which is part of the egoism. If anyone wants to create unnecessary problems, I’ll leave immediately, and let them take the responsibility for the consequences of their intentions and actions. If anyone doesn’t appreciate me or doesn’t want to be in my life anymore, I’ll let them go. I don’t expect anyone to be nice to me and love me. I never try to please anyone so that they will love me or be nice to me. People will be nice to me and love me if they want, as they like, out of their free will. I will be grateful and thankful for their love and kindness for me. I don’t need to receive love and kindness from other people, to have love or be happy, and to love and be kind to myself and others.

Compassion is not about trying to please everyone to make them feel good, happy and comfortable, by giving them whatever they like and want, to gratify their desires of craving and aversion. But it’s allowing everyone to be aware of what is going on in their minds, and realize the truth of the mind perception of names and forms to be free from ignorance, egoism and suffering. Unconditional love and peace is not coming from anyone or anything outside this body and mind, but it’s always there beyond the impermanent life existence, the function of the body and mind, all our actions and inactions, all the good and bad qualities of name and form, and all our relationships with everyone and everything. It’s there as it is when the mind is free from ignorance and egoism.

My husband said that I am a strange person and beyond confident. I rarely look into the mirror as I don’t mind at all how I look. I also don’t mind about how other people look at me and what they think of me. I am neither highly confident nor over confident, as I don’t need to feel or be confident at all. I don’t feel bad about myself, and I don’t think I am more superior or inferior than anyone. It’s okay if others want to look down on me, that’s their freedom, but I don’t look down on anyone. What others want to think, act and say about other people is their freedom of thinking, expression, action and speech, but what others think, express, act and say about me cannot determine what I am and am not. I don’t look up to anyone either. I respect all my teachers and appreciate those who inspire me, but I don’t try to become like them. I don’t need to agree or disagree with everyone with many different types of thinking, belief, values and behavior. I respect everyone as they are, even if my mind dislikes and disagrees with them based on the thinking and belief in my mind about what is good and bad, right and wrong. And I admire nobody, even when my mind thinks that they are great and wonderful, based on the thinking and belief in my mind about what is greatness and wonderfulness. Most of the time, I don’t comment about anything and anyone. Because everyone and everything are just being what they are, and they are impermanent.

There’s nothing wrong to give praise and compliment to other people to encourage people to do good and continue to improve in all aspects, but the one who needs encouragement of praise and compliment from other people to motivate it to do good and continue to improve is the ego. By giving the ego what it likes and wants won’t help to eliminate the ego, but it’s feeding and empowering the ego instead. That’s why in the traditional yoga classes, the teacher rarely gives praise and compliment, it isn’t that the teacher is arrogant or doesn’t appreciate the students’ good performance, but it’s not to feed and empower the ego of the yoga students. Those who truly practice yoga don’t need any praise and compliment from anyone to motivate them to do good and continue to improve. Naturally, they will do good and continue to improve, intentionlessly and selflessly, without attachment or identification towards their actions and the fruit of their actions.

In many families in the modern society, when the parents want to ask the children to be doing something for themselves or for other people, the parents will try to encourage or motivate the children by giving them something that they like and want as reward after they have done what they were asked to do. It’s about performing actions in exchange for something in return. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, this is completely the opposite of the teachings of yoga. The children will grow up with the idea that they will only be motivated to do something only if they can get something that they like and want in return. Or else, they won’t be motivated to do anything, even if it’s something beneficial for themselves. In yoga, we perform actions for ourselves and others out of free-will and loving kindness, without expecting something that we like and want in return, while allowing the outcome to be what it is.

And so, it’s not easy to be friend with me, not to say, to be in a relationship with me and shares life with me. I do my best to be kind to others, but not in the way that what other people expect kindness to be like. Instead, people might think that I am being unkind to them. But that’s their freedom of thinking and reaction.

After I did my first Vipassana silent meditation retreat in Dehradun, India, I went through a serious purification process where lots of rash and pimples appeared on my face and my whole body for more than one and a half years, I didn’t feel unhappy or worry, and didn’t try to do something to get rid of them. My husband arrived in Malaysia to be with me in 2007 and when he saw me in such condition for many months, he wanted to give me some money to go to a beauty salon to get some treatments, but I said to him, “No need. They will go away one day.” And they went away months later.

Since 2009, I only use hair shampoo once or twice a month and every day I take shower with water only. I use soap only for washing my hands. My travelling wash bag contains only a toothbrush and toothpaste.

I don’t need to celebrate new years, birthdays or anniversaries. I don’t have a wedding ring or wedding photos. My husband once made a ring out of straw that he picked up from the ground while we were travelling in Varanasi in 2008, and he gave it to me and told me that we were ‘officially’ married. On another time, he secretly put three Bodhi leaves in my diary because I told him it was my first time saw a Bodhi tree when we were travelling in Rishikesh. I only realized the Bodhi leaves were there when I opened my diary a few days later. He also gave me three river stones that he found at the riverbank of the Ganges in Rishikesh. My husband doesn’t need to give me material things as presents as I am not interested in material things or presents. He doesn’t need to give me anything or do something to show that he loves me, or for me to feel loved by him and for me to love him. I love him as he is. I only appreciate life every moment, from day to day.

I live every day as it is and step by step. I don’t have future plans for life. I might need to plan travelling itinerary ahead, such as booking flight tickets, but I allow changes to happen anytime. I don’t need to own properties or things. I don’t need to have enjoyments.

People like to say that we should do things that will make us happy, but I don’t need to do anything special that would make me happy, as I don’t need to feel or be happy. I am happy as I am.

I’ll share the stories from the past as it might help others to find a way to peace and freedom. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t help anyone. But, I leave the past at where they belonged, I don’t bring them into the present. Though the past cannot be changed, there will always be changes and unexpected happenings in life in the present moment. There will be some pleasant and unpleasant experiences, desirable and undesirable happenings, and people or things coming and going. I do my best to live life as it is and stay away from unnecessary energy wasting human-made troubles as much as possible, while channeling my life existence and energy into practicing and teaching yoga, and be in peace.

My husband is very different from me. He is gentle and romantic. Once, he tried to be romantic and sang a love song to me in a cafe, but I thought he was just humming a song for himself, and I didn’t pay any attention to him and his singing. When he told me about it later in disappointment, I told him that I would try to learn to be more sensitive towards his love and affection for me.

I had been living on my own for many years, but I never felt lonely. And I fully enjoyed those peaceful quiet moments living by myself and being with myself. I have some good friends when I was living in Kuala Lumpur, and occasionally, I would visit them at their homes or go out with them to have a coffee or lunch together. In the past, I didn’t have to tell or inform anyone about how I felt, what I was doing, where I was going, or when I would be coming back home, until my husband came to Malaysia to be with me. My parents never questioned me about all these things. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, but they didn’t need to worry for me at all.

I wasn’t and aren’t skillful in social interaction or to engage in any social conversations. Most probably it’s because I was never interested in socializing, mingling or accumulating personal friendships. Socializing, mingling and chit-chatting are good for worldly social interaction and public relation, but it is detrimental for yoga and meditation practice. It stimulates the thought waves and strengthens the worldly egoistic attachments, identifications and ideas, and empowering the desires of craving and aversion. We can list out what people usually talk about in a social conversation, and see how much our minds are being influenced and affected by all those daily conversations about worldly ideas and affairs, where restlessness and tension built up physically and mentally until people need to do something or go somewhere to relax and unwind from time to time.

In most conversations, many people talk about the past and the future. Most people want to be friendly and making friendship by starting a social interactive conversation, where they want to talk about themselves and also to hear other people talk about their stuffs. People want to express their opinions and also want to hear other people’s opinions. People want to know about each other and learn from one another. There’s nothing wrong with the worldly social interactions between human beings. But in terms of yoga practice, it’s about knowing thyself. It’s not about knowing other people or want to be known by other people. Minds that are being conditioned by worldly thinking, belief and ideas might think that it is a form of selfishness and rudeness when some people don’t show interest to know about other people. As one of the basic teachings of yoga, one practices dispassion and disinterest towards worldly affairs as well as other people’s affairs. It isn’t that yoga practitioners don’t care about what is happening to the world and other people, but one must look after one’s mind first before one can care for the world and the others efficiently.

When one’s mind is free from ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, desires of craving and aversion and all sorts of impurities, and realizes unconditional love and peace in oneself, being firmly resting in peace undisturbed by all the impermanent qualities of name and form, then naturally, without any intention or expectation, one will be contributing peace into the world by stop generating unrest and disharmony into the world. By looking after oneself and being peaceful in oneself, is actually loving and caring for the world and the society.

One must learn about oneself and know about oneself by quieting and purifying the mind through self-introspection and self-discipline, and then one will know how to love and care for oneself, before one can actually know about others, and love and care for others. The entire society will become more peaceful and harmony when everyone learns about oneself, knows oneself, and loves and cares for oneself.

Instead of wasting energy in socializing or talking about worldly ideas and affairs, I conserve energy for practicing and teaching yoga. Talking about worldly ideas and affairs won’t help anyone to be free from worldly identifications and attachments towards worldly names and forms, and it won’t make the world to be a better place. In fact, talking about this and that will stimulate the mind, and it doesn’t help to quiet the mind. Yoga and meditation practice is mainly for quieting the mind. The condition of the world will change towards peace and harmony only if each and everyone who are existing and living in the world has self-awareness and self-control, to make an effort to change themselves, to purify and quiet their minds, to be free from ignorance and egoism. The world is just what it is. It is neither good nor bad. It’s the occupants in the world that are projecting good and bad qualities into the world and contributing peace or unrest into the world. The one who is free from good and bad qualities, perceives the world as it is.

Though I am not interested in accumulating personal social friendships, I do my best to be friendly to all. I don’t discriminate people into friends or not friends. There’s no special treatment towards certain people. Those who think they deserve to be treated in certain ways that they think they should be treated, they will be disappointed by their own expectation. It’s everyone’s freedom if people want to discriminate everyone into friends and not friends, and have expectation towards how other people should act and react, behave and response according to their own thinking, belief, values and practice. If people feel annoyed or offended by other people who have different actions and reactions, different behaviors and responses under the influence of different thinking, belief, values and practice, that is their own reaction and responsibility.

In the teachings of yoga, friendliness is about being kind and compassionate towards all and everyone without discrimination, prejudice or bias towards everyone with different thinking, belief, values and practice. We have self-control over our actions and speech to stop generate actions and speech that will cause unrest and disharmony in other people or in the society. We constantly be aware of the impurities in our minds, and unceasingly purify our minds to be free from all sorts of impurities, so that we won’t hurt ourselves and others out of the influence of impurities like anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, pride, arrogance, desires, lust, feelings of hurts, doubt, fear and worry. It’s nothing to do with accumulating personal friendships everywhere with those who are like-minded and agreeable with one another.

There’s no possessiveness or attachment towards anyone to be ‘my friend’. There’s no expectation towards friendships for getting something that we want, such as love, affection, acknowledgement, companionship, interaction, trust, care and support, or getting rid of something that we don’t want, such as loneliness and boredom. There’s no expectation towards other people that they have to be friendly and nice to us. We allow everyone to be friendly and nice to us, or not. We don’t feel offended when we don’t get the appropriate reactions that what most people expect to be getting from other people. We don’t expect people should react and behave in certain ways according to our own thinking, social ethics, cultural values, belief and practice. We respect all and everyone to be different from us for having different personalities, characteristics, behaviors, opinions, values, policies, thinking and beliefs. We don’t try to interfere with, or to control, or to change other people to be differently from what they are, to be the way that we think they should be, but allowing and respecting everyone to be the way as they are. That is real friendliness.

If people feel hurt or disturbed by other people’s action and reaction, that is their own responsibility coming from how their minds react towards all the perceptions of names and forms, influenced by their egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation based on their own particular conditioned thinking and belief. Those who are free from egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation based on certain conditioned thinking and belief, will not be hurt or disturbed by anything or anyone.

Being in a relationship and to share living space with another person was a great challenge for me in the beginning. There were lots of things I needed to learn, to adjust, to adapt, to accommodate, to tolerate, to forbear, to accept, and to let go selfishness and the ego. All these are indeed our yoga practice. And I am always learning.

My husband is a good man and a good husband. He is very friendly, kind-hearted and generous. It is very good karma to have him in my life. He loves me very much. I appreciate his love for me and being in my life.

Before we knew each other, I was teaching aerobics dance classes in and around Kuala Lumpur for making a living, while he was working in a refuge in the Pyrenees in France.

We met each other for the first time in the Sivananda Dhanwantari Yoga Vedanta Ashram in South India, where we did the International Yoga Teachers Training Course in January 2005.

Without any intention, we had conversation about yoga and Buddhism for a few times during the one month course. In those conversation, I never asked him where he came from, where he lived, what he did in the past, what he was doing then, or who he was in general. I didn’t even know what nationality he has. I never interested in knowing about the past, or try to know anyone about where they come from, or what they do, or who they are.

He stayed back in the Ashram for another few months after the course ended, while I came back to Malaysia, continued to teach aerobics dance classes and yoga classes. I wrote him a letter sent to the Ashram after I came back, as I felt that he needed Dhamma at that time. The letter was all about Dhamma, there’s nothing romantic at all. He told me later that the letter meant a lot to him, and he had kept the letter with him all the time wherever he went, until now.

Without any intention, we both attended the Advance Teachers Training Course in February 2006. My initial plan was to stay back in the Ashram to perform selfless service for three months after the course ended. I would stay longer if I had more money. But the savings that I had was only just enough for the course and for staying in the Ashram for three more months. I didn’t know that my plan would change, and changing my life too. A few days after we met again for the second time, he asked me if I wanted to travel with him in India learning more yoga and meditation under different schools and teachers after the course finished. I didn’t answer him at that time because I wanted to stay in the Ashram after the course, and I couldn’t afford to go travelling somewhere else. We kept a distance with each other in the Ashram as we respect the Ashram’s rule of male and female students’ segregation, and we didn’t say anything about it anymore.

Just a few days before the course finished, a spontaneous thought arose in my mind during the evening Satsang meditation session, that if he came to me right after the meditation finished and asked me to travel with him in India, then I would go with him. But if he didn’t come to me that night and didn’t ask me that question at that time, then I wouldn’t go with him, but to stay in the Ashram for the next three months. And miraculously, as everyone was leaving the meditation hall, he was waiting for me at the exit and he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side and asked me in the dark, “Do you want to travel with me in India?” And I said yes. And so, we went travelling together in India after the course ended. He paid most of the travelling expenses and the fees for the yoga course.

We spent two and a half months together, where we came to know each other deeper. We both got really sick from food poisoning for a month from the first day we arrived in Delhi. During that time, we took turn to take care of each other at our worst condition.

Then he went back to France, while I came back to Malaysia without any expectation that we would see each other again. I mentioned to him before, that he could come to Malaysia to teach yoga with me if he wanted. We didn’t really have any contact since then.

He went back to India for the third time in the end of 2006 after finished working at the refuge, while I was in Malaysia. I didn’t go to India. Nine months later after the last time we saw each other, he called me from India one afternoon, telling me that he had booked a flight to come to Malaysia arriving the next day. He came in February 2007 and never left. We got married in the end of 2008.

All relationships and life experiences will have ups and downs. It’s subject to impermanence or changes. When two people who come from different cultural backgrounds with different personalities come together, there will be some conflicts arise from time to time. It depends on the depth of our understanding, acceptance, adaptation, adjustment, accommodation, tolerance, forgiveness and letting go, for us to be able to stay cheerful and happy in life, regardless of all the agreements and disagreements, likes and dislikes, ups and downs in life and in the relationship. But most important is that we need to know what we really want in life for ourselves.

My mother tongue is Cantonese, and my second languages are Mandarin and Malay. Before my husband came to Malaysia living with me, I seldom spoke English in daily conversations except when I taught classes I used very simple and minimal English. My husband and I had many misunderstanding especially in the beginning because my English comprehension was really limited and I also have bad hearing due to constant shouting when teaching aerobics classes under the loud music. My husband speaks very softly. I had to ask him to repeat his sentences again and again. It was frustrating for him. I used to talk very loud and fast, which was really difficult for my husband because he has sensitive hearing and suffers from tinnitus. He suffered a lot from my loud speaking. As years passed by, I started to speak more softly, and slowly. My husband had to keep correcting my English pronunciations and the usage of tenses. It took me few years to learn to pronounce words like egg, eight, three, world, girl, file, wild, duck, abdomen, buttocks, wrists, necessarily, vocabulary, probably, and etc. Even after many years speaking in English, I am still having trouble pronouncing words like thought, thigh, they and there. When I speak in English, I am actually translating directly from Chinese. And there are no tenses in Chinese language. My husband said that he couldn’t understand me and constantly misunderstood what I wanted to say because I didn’t know how to use the correct pronunciation and tenses to tell my stories or when I wanted to say something. But we understood and we learned to be patient and accommodate each other whenever we communicate.

It didn’t and doesn’t matter to me about how other people perceive me, as I am what I am. I accept and love myself as I am. I don’t live my life according to the worldly thinking and belief and the current trends, to fulfill other people’s expectation. Neither will I try to please anyone by pretending to be somebody else whom I am not. If people don’t like something or everything about me, it’s their freedom. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and unhappiness. Nobody can make another person happy or unhappy. If people want to be happy, no one can make them unhappy. If people want to be unhappy, no one can make them happy. When people feel happy is because they are getting something that they like and want, and are not getting what they don’t like and don’t want. When people feel unhappy is because they are getting something that they don’t like and don’t want, and are not getting what they like and want. It’s not because things or people are being good or bad, nice or not nice. My husband’s personal likes and dislikes and his mind perception about me also cannot determine me or change me, for what I am and how I think, act and feel.

We are happy as we are. I can’t make my husband happy. Neither can he make me happy. We can only do our best to be kind to one another.

Most of the time, the truth is not something agreeable or pleasant to the minds that are not free from attachment and identification towards certain conditioned thinking and belief under the influence of ignorance and egoism. Most people perceive their own reality under the influence of particular conditional thinking and belief, they don’t see the truth as it is. Those who are not free from ignorance and egoism might have heard about the truth from others, but they might not like the truth and don’t agree with the truth realized by others, because it’s not their own realization. People perceive everything influenced by the judgment based on their own particular thinking and belief, and they live in their own personal reality. Those who practice yoga and Buddhism don’t blind-believe in the truth realized by others, even if it’s coming from Buddha or any saints and sages. Everyone has to realize the truth by themselves.

People want and expect the truth to be something that they like and want that is agreeable to their own personal worldly thinking and belief. Everyone who attached to different thinking and belief would perceive their own personal reality differently from one another. Everyone has their own perception of reality that is being different from one another and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the universal truth is still the one same truth whether people like and agree with it, or not, whether people think and believe it’s the truth, or not. As the truth is not a belief, or intellectual analysis. It’s the way of everything being what they are, as they are, and constantly changing. But most people don’t want things to be what they are, but they want things to be the way that they like and want it to be, or the way that they think it should be.

Things that matter very much for many people, might not matter to me at all. When people are sad and crying about something, I might not react the same. When people are happy and cheering about something, I might not react the same. I don’t expect anyone to be like me, or to accept me. I don’t expect people to react or don’t react in certain way. I don’t need anyone to like me or agree with me, but allowing everyone to like and dislike, to agree and disagree about anything and anyone, as they are. 

Most people would perceive this as ‘hard’, or ‘stubborn’, or ‘self-centred’, or ‘selfish’ according to the passionate worldly thinking and belief, and that’s their freedom of thinking. Buddha didn’t change to be something else that he was not, according to what everyone liked and disliked, agreed and disagreed with. Buddha lived in the truth and allowing everyone realizing the truth, or not. There’s no desire/intention/aspiration/ambition of “I need to do something to get as many people as possible to realize the truth.”

This also shows that how kind and loving is my husband for him to love me and accept me as I am. It’s a great challenge for him to be in a relationship with me and to share life with me.

That’s also why I am never interested in joining any ‘groups’. I am free to be who I am, as I am. And I am free from getting involve in gossips, vain talks, conflicts, condemn, criticism, argument, and so on. When we have bad things to say about others, it’s not because other people are being bad and wrong, but it’s because our minds are not pure. If our minds are pure, there’s no bad thing to say about others, even if we are aware of something that isn’t good and right about someone based on what our minds believe as good and bad, right and wrong.

Worldly minded people might think that being silent towards things that are bad and wrong is supporting all those bad and wrong things. But, what people think and believe as good and bad, right and wrong, is very subjective, it’s not necessarily the truth of what things are. By being vocally and physically violent towards something that is bad and wrong won’t change the reality of those things being bad and wrong. But everyone must develop self-awareness and self-introspection in themselves to be aware of their own minds, to be initiative to make an effort to purify their own minds, and have self-control over their own thinking, actions and speech.

By telling people that they are ignorant or wrong and bad, won’t make people stop being ignorant or wrong and bad. It has to come from everyone’s self-awareness, self-realization and self-control to be free from ignorance or bad and wrong thinking and behavior.

Although I don’t belong to any groups, but I respect everyone has their own groups, where they think they belong to, or if people feel there’s a need to attach onto certain quality and identification and to obtain certain acknowledgment, recognition and authorization to be who they are. Some people think that they need to mix into certain groups and do anything to be accepted by those groups, to feel that those are the places where they belong, to be interacting and sharing something in common among the people in those groups.

Some people join certain groups for getting some personal gains, or business exchange and benefits. But then they will complain that they are not free to be who they are, and are being ‘pressured’ or ‘forced’ to do things the way that the groups believe how things should be done. As by joining certain groups, there are some standards and qualities, or rules and regulations in the groups that the members have to comply and be recognized as being one of them, or else they will be criticized, or condemned, or expelled. One will have to be like them or behave like them, and one is not free to be oneself anymore. Oneself and one’s life are being watched and interfered by the others all the time, and is being bound to play by the rules of the games once one joined any groups.

Some people don’t like and don’t agree with the way we are, as they can’t understand why we want to keep very low profile, that we are not eager to promote our yoga retreats, and they would try to give us many advice about how we should run our yoga retreats and how to live our lives, even though we never asked anyone for any advice. We let them be free to express their minds to give their opinions. But then when they realize that we are happy with the way as we are and have no interest to follow any of their advice, they would feel offended and disrespected. This is the world, full of such action and reaction. People constantly interfering with other people and easily be offended when things are not being the way that they like it to be. In yoga practice, we refrain ourselves from the egoistic action and reaction under the influence of worldly thinking, belief and ideas.

I have no greed to get any helps or benefits from any ‘groups’ to enhance or improve our social life, or life condition, or income. If I need to do something or to attain something, I depend solely on my own effort to get things done. Or else, I don’t. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t get what I wanted. I also don’t need to attain any encouragement, acknowledgement, support, or companionship from some other people or friends to motivate me to do something that I want to do.

I do things in my own ways and at my own pace. There’s no stress or tension. I’m not ambitious to run a bigger retreat centre with higher capacity and income. We did everything by ourselves (my husband and I) within our own capacity. We didn’t need to rely on any ’employees’ to run the yoga retreats. As it wouldn’t be the same. It would become a business, with higher expenses and costs. We did all the teachings, cooking, driving, accommodation arrangement, emails response, website updates, cleaning, washing, maintenance, and shopping all by ourselves.

If some people don’t understand about what we do, we don’t expect that they should understand. If people aren’t really interested in the traditional yoga practice about quieting the mind through the annihilation of ignorance and egoism, and they don’t have the humility to learn and practice yoga as it is, but they are only interested in joining some fitness yoga exercise classes, and they are not interested in our yoga retreats or what we teach, that’s their freedom. We will suggest to them to go to some other yoga fitness centres that might provide cheap and cheerful yoga exercise classes. As these people are not really interested in learning and practicing yoga. There are many yoga asana instructors in the world that will provide fitness yoga exercise classes to these people who only interested in doing some stretching, strength and flexibility fitness workout, to be able to do many yoga asana poses that they want to be able to do, and to look good and feel good about themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s their freedom. We would appreciate very much to have the free time to focus on our own personal practice.

Many people said that they are interested in yoga and they want to learn yoga, but when they hear the teachings of yoga about dispassion, renunciation and letting go of egoism of attachment, identification, desires of craving and aversion, and expectation, either their minds will start to be opened towards what they didn’t know before, and be able to see what is going on in their minds, or their minds will be rejecting what they don’t know, or what is contradicted with their existing thinking and belief, and they want to run away from what their minds don’t like and don’t agree with. The stronger the ego is, the stronger the rejection towards the teachings of yoga about the annihilation of the ego will be. Everyone has the freedom for what they want and don’t want. People don’t have to practice yoga that is not the way that they like it to be.

I just do my best within my ability and limitation. Some people being optimistic and they think and believe that they can change the world, that’s their freedom. Even Buddha never claimed that being enlightened and be free from ignorance and suffering could change the world. Buddha didn’t have intention to change the world or had expectation that the world will be changed by his enlightenment, his presence or the teachings of Buddhism. He just shared the path towards liberation.

No doubt that the existence of everything and everyone are inter-dependent on many others. But, everyone has to work independently towards liberation. When serious Sadhaka advance in their practice, they will renounce the world and go into seclusion for at least five or six years cutting off all kinds of communication with family and friends completely. Nowadays, many people who identify themselves as ‘yoga practitioners’ or ‘yogis’, who say that they love yoga and like doing a particular style of yoga asana practice, they are not really interested in dispassion and renunciation. And that is their freedom of what they want to do with their life existence.

I believe in the one same nature in everything, which is the truth of impermanence and selflessness. I see the same nature in everything, despite all the different qualities of name and form that exist in everyone, that generate separateness, discrimination, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements. From separateness, there arise craving and aversion, conflicts, discrimination, fear, anger, hatred and jealousy in us. Though I do things in my own way, I don’t feel myself as an individual being separated from any other beings even though I don’t join any groups or attach onto certain identifications to be who I am. I don’t need to obtain any recognition or support from any social groups to be somebody.

What I do and don’t do is just actions and inactions, it’s not I. Whatever I experienced in the past and am experiencing now, it’s not I. Whatever qualities I had or didn’t have in the past, and what qualities I have or don’t have in the present, it’s just part of the impermanent and selfless modification of this mind. There’s no I. The many ‘I’s that exist in the entire blog about My Life Stories telling all the stories here is just the impermanent and selfless mind.

This mind has no expectation towards this life existence, or towards itself and other minds, or in its relationships with anyone. Neither will it be disappointed with itself or other minds, as it doesn’t expect anything. By having expectation won’t change the reality that it doesn’t like into something that it prefers, and this mind is not interested at all to change other minds to be the way that it thinks they should be.

And so, it’s really not easy to deal with or to live with a person like me. As I can be very ‘stubborn’ or ‘hard’ in my own way. I let people think what they want to think, and say what they want to say, and I am still what I am. I never try to please anyone and I don’t need anyone to please me. I don’t try to interfere with others’ freedom to be what and how they are. I let people to be happy or unhappy, and to take full responsibility for themselves. I have no intention to make anyone unhappy or to hurt anyone deliberately. I can wish everyone peace and happiness. I can wish everyone be free from unhappiness and suffering. But I can’t and don’t make people become peaceful and happy. People are peaceful and happy is because they are free from ignorance and they allow themselves to be peaceful and happy. I let everyone to be what they are. I can’t control or dictate their thinking and feelings, what they like and dislike, what they want and don’t want. If they want to be ignorant or unhappy, and attach onto qualities of name and form to be who they are, I’ll let them be.

I do my best to help people who need help, like my family and friends and people who come to learn about yoga, but I can't help anyone if people don't want to help themselves. If people don't help themselves, I'll let them be, even if they are my family and friends. It's their freedom of what they want to do with themselves and their lives. If I can't help due to some limitation, I'll let it be. It's not necessarily that everyone will like and agree with the way that I try to help other people, as I help other people not necessarily in the way that they expect it to be according to the worldly passionate thinking and belief. I don't take away or solve people's problems, but allowing them to realize the cause of their problems, to learn how to not attach to their existing problems and stop generate unnecessary problems. Some people appreciate that while many people won't appreciate that, as most people expect help in the way where someone can take away or solve all their problems for them.

Nowadays, many people who think they are mentally and emotionally disturbed and hurt by something hurtful, they feel and believe that they are suffering from mental and emotional hurts and suffering, and they are looking forward to be receiving some kind of 'spiritual healing' treatment from someone 'spiritual' to heal them, to take away their painful hurts and suffering. Meanwhile, there are many different kinds of 'spiritual healing' being 'advertised' in the world claiming to be able to 'heal' people's mental and emotional hurts and suffering, including in the world of yoga. That's their freedom. Getting certain 'healing treatment' or receiving certain 'comforting love and affection' from some other beings might relieve certain degrees of mental and emotional pain, but it doesn't stop the mind to be continuing perceiving/experiencing/feeling 'hurts' and 'suffering' mentally and emotionally whenever people think and believe they are 'experiencing' and 'disturbed by' some kind of 'hurtful' and 'suffering' experiences.

When people come to us, we don't give them 'spiritual healing' treatment. We don't take away or remove what people think and believe is their mental or emotional painful hurts and suffering. We teach and guide everyone to contemplate upon or look into their own minds to know what is going on in their minds, that allows them to see the truth of hurts and suffering, to realize the root cause of hurts and suffering, to realize selflessness and compassion. We don't heal anyone, but it's coming from people themselves willingly to let go all the ignorant perception about everything that will liberate them from any kind of 'so called' mental and emotional 'hurts' and 'suffering'.

If people are not willing to learn about what is going on in their own minds, and reluctant to open their minds, where they insist that all their painful hurts and suffering are caused by somebody and something that is being hurtful and suffering, and feel greatly insulted and offended when being told to 'identify' and 'see' the ignorance and egoism in their own mind, then the teaching and practice is useless to them.

I don't need to 'heal' anyone, and I don't 'heal' anyone. All kinds of 'hurts' and 'suffering' ceased existing or vanished from the mind when the mind is free from ignorance and egoism, upon knowing thyself and knowing the truth of names and forms. 'Hurts' and 'suffering' don't exist upon the realization of the truth, and nobody needs to be 'healed' from 'hurts' and 'suffering', as nobody is being there to perceive or experience 'hurt' and 'suffering' upon the realization of selflessness and compassion. That is real freedom.

Non-attachment and letting go towards actions and the fruit of actions is the essence of the yoga practice. One can be performing many actions but is not determined by the actions or the fruit of actions. There's no success or failure, no praise or condemn, that can motivate or demotivate me to perform actions, or not. There's no need any acknowledgment, recognition, approval, appreciation, gratefulness and thankfulness from anyone to motivate one to perform actions, to feel happy and meaningful, or not.

I am peaceful as I am. This is why I am always cheerful and lighthearted even if there’s some challenging situations arise in my life, as I am not disturbed or determined by the pleasant and unpleasant life experiences, and undetermined by other people’s judgments, opinions, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements. If my mind is ever being disturbed by certain names and forms, I could let it go very fast.

I take full responsibility for the consequences of my decisions and actions made. There are no regrets. If the consequences of my decisions or actions are unpleasant, I take them as they are. Most of the time, what we think and believe as good and right decisions and actions are not necessarily bringing pleasant consequences. Life experiences can be very unpleasant and difficult, but it doesn’t mean that we did something wrong or bad.

Yoga and meditation and Buddhism practice is practical in every moment in life while we experience what we recognized as happiness and unhappiness, pleasant and unpleasant experiences in life and in relationships with anyone. The practice is in the present moment now, being aware of the reality as it is and accepting the reality as it is, without generate attachment or identification, without craving or aversion towards the impermanent qualities of name and form that our mind perceives through the senses. There’s no such idea as “I did a lot of yoga and meditation practice in the past”, or “I do lots of yoga or meditation in the present”, or “I am going to practice yoga and meditation in the future”.

I share what I am with the guests who come for our yoga retreats. I don’t teach yoga according to what we learned from the yoga teachers training course curriculum or the teaching manual, or from reading yoga books, or from hearing from somebody else about what is yoga and how they teach yoga.

Whatever I am and am not, whatever I do and don’t do, it’s not I. It’s all nothing but selfless impermanent changes of some qualities of name and form.

Before this mind realized love and peace in itself and was full of unhappiness and behaving terribly, hurting itself and others out of deep ignorance and egoism, it needed help and it was inspired and influenced by particular person (Madonna), teacher (Buddha, Ajahn Chah, Swami Sivananda) and teaching (Buddhism, Yoga) to change itself, to uplift itself, to discipline itself, to see the ignorance and the consequence of ignorance in itself. After this mind realized what is suffering and the cause of suffering, it is what it is. I am what I am. Impermanent and selfless. This mind stops blaming, longing, expecting. All is itself and the consequence of itself. All is impermanent. All is selfless.

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For more stories about our relationship, there's an article in the newspaper, you can read on this link Love Came Slowly