Treat others the way that how we would like to be treated?

"Treat others the way that how we would like to be treated?"

Though this is a good and positive thinking we hear very often from here and there, but we are not free, as we still have expectation towards how others should treat us the way we would like to be treated in return. We will be very disappointed if after we treat others the way that we would also like to be treated the same by them, but they don't. And most of the time, they don't.

Even when we think we have shown lots of love and cares to another being, it's not necessarily that this being will treat us the way how we treat them, or how we would like to be treated in return. 

Be free. Just be ourselves. And let others to treat us the way that they want to treat us. It's their freedom of thinking, action and speech.

We can only appreciate if others treat us the way we like them to treat us, and if they don't, let them be.

Om shanti.

May all be happy and peaceful as we are...

There's nothing wrong with being happy when we are doing something that we like to do, or being with people whom we like to be with, or being at places that we like to be at, or achieving something that we like to achieve. We should appreciate and enjoy all these names and forms that we like when they are here.

If we are still happy and peaceful as we are, when all these names and forms are not available to us in the present moment, we realize the freedom of non-attachment, and unconditional peace and happiness that is beyond all the egoistic likes and dislikes, craving and aversion towards any names and forms.

May all be free.

Solitude and Silence...

Silent retreat.

A period of solitude and silence to allow one to love oneself unconditionally.

Spend time with oneself, turning inward, quieting the mind, moving away from worldly passionate desires, clinging and cravings, to know oneself, to love oneself.

Though immerse in solitude and silence, one is not lonely or bored. In fact, one is full of peace and joy being independent on any external impermanent names and forms to be happy, confident and meaningful.

When one loves oneself, one will appreciate all the love, appreciation and companionship from other beings, but one doesn't dependent on the love, appreciation and companionship from others to be happy, or confident, or meaningful, or not. One also will love others without any attachment or expectation, as one doesn't need to depend on love, or appreciation, or companionship from others to be happy, confident and meaningful.

This is different from ego-centred love. Ego-centred love is when one only loves what one’s ego desires, likes and wants, but don’t know how to love oneself, or others. In this case, one loves oneself and others unconditionally.

If one doesn't love oneself, one is always looking, clinging and craving for love, appreciation and companionship from others to escape loneliness or boredom, or to be happy, confident and meaningful. One also will not know how to love others, as one will have attachment, clinging, craving and expectation towards others, as one is dependent on the love, appreciation and companionship from others to be happy, confident and meaningful. One will be dissatisfied and unhappy when the love, appreciation or companionship that one craves for is not available.

May all be free.

Love and Relationship

One might be in a relationship with another one, but there’s no love.

One might have love for another one, but there’s no relationship involved.

One might think and say to another one, “I love you.”

It will be true if it is unconditional and won’t change even though impermanent changes occur in everything and every moment.

It is not true if it is conditional and will change when impermanent changes occur in certain things and through time, with a mixture feelings of affection and love with anger, hatred, jealousy, unhappiness, hurt, dissatisfaction, disappointment, doubt, fear and worry.

One might think and feel that one loves another one, but the truth is, one only loves what one likes and wants. One doesn’t love the one whom one thinks one loves. Neither does one loves oneself.

There is only egoistic personal desires, craving and clinging onto what the ego likes and wants in most relationships that involve mixtures feelings and affliction.

Only when one is completely be free from egoism, then one knows how to love oneself and love another one, without egoistic personal desires, craving and clinging.

Most people have one or many relationship, but without love, they attach and cling onto one another for getting what each likes and wants. When either one or both didn’t get what they like and want, the relationship breaks apart.

When two beings are being together, without clinging or rely onto one another for gratifying personal desires, it is love that keeps them stay together naturally.

If one of the two beings in a relationship doesn’t have love, then there will be affliction arise in this being when one doesn’t get what one likes and wants from the relationship.

May all be free.

Something beautiful and rare...

When two people in a relationship have gone beyond egoism and attachment, personal cravings and desires, the relationship will be only joy and happiness. Such relationship is beautiful and rare.

Freedom in love relationship?

Freedom in love relationship is when our love comes to a point that we don't want anything from the one whom we love, but only wish him or her to be safe and happy.

Love relationship is a training ground for letting go...

If we truly love someone, we need to be able to let go of expectation and attachment towards the love we have for him or her. Allow him or her to love us as he is, as she is.

The one who truly loves us will not do anything to hurt us without us expect anything from him or her. If he or she doesn't want to love us and wants to go, we will let him or her go, wishing him or her peace and happiness, even though it's not easy, it might be painful.

If someone we love very much would do things that will hurt us, it means that he or she doesn't love us or appreciate us at all. We can't do anything about it. We have to accept that he or she doesn't love us.

What's the point holding on strongly towards someone who doesn't love us and doesn't appreciate us, who doesn't respect the existing relationship with us, who doesn't care if it will hurt us out of selfishness and passionate desires?

Once we develop compassion towards ourselves, we will let go of our love towards him or her, and just allow him or her to be what he is, what she is. We will treat and love him or her as a friend who doesn't appreciate someone who loves them, not as my lover or my partner. Then whatever he or she does will not generate hurt in us anymore.

If we feel hurt when we realized the one whom we love doesn't really love us, is because we think and expect the one whom we love will love us, and if he or she loves us, he or she won't do anything to betrayed our love for him or her. But that is a selfish thinking and expectation. We can only allow him or her to love us out of his or her free-will, then without our expectation, he or she will love us without us ask him or her to love us. Out of their own free-will and self-control, they won't do anything to hurt us because they love us. And that is freedom.

When we allow the one whom we love to love us as he is, as she is, it doesn't mean that we should allow him or her to intentionally doing things that will hurt us, if he or she doesn't love us. It's not okay. But we can choose to let go of this love relationship that is meaningless.

We don't have to love someone who doesn't love us. And that itself is loving ourselves and the one who doesn't love us, by letting go the love we have for him or her. If we still feel hurt, it's because we couldn't let go the love we have for the one who doesn't love us, even though they might tell us they love us, but they don't really love us, because they only love what they like and what they want from us. Why do we want to be hurt for loving someone who is selfish and doesn't deserve our love?

If we couldn't let go, we generate tension in ourselves and the person in the relationship with us, whether the one in the relationship with us loves us or doesn't love us. We won't be peaceful or happy being in a tensed relationship, even though we think we love him or her very much.

When we rise above the pain of letting go the one whom we love, our hearts find love and peace that come from loving our loved one unconditionally.

Do not be jealous with other people's relationship that is full of joy and happiness, and think that it's not possible to have such flawless and beautiful relationships in this world. When two people have gone beyond egoism and attachment, personal cravings and desires, the relationship will be only joy and happiness. Such relationship is rare but it exists.

Letting go...

The one who loves us will love us without us expect him or her to love us, or won't do anything that will hurt us. The one who doesn't love us will not love us, no matter how much we love him or her. We need to love ourselves and let go the one who doesn't love or appreciate us.

Om shanti.

About insult or disrespectfulness...

There is a public dispute about some people took some nude photos on the top of a 'sacred' mountain and being blamed for the earthquake that has taken some lives and caused some damages.

Every living being is being born into this world naked.

When someone feels insulted or disrespected by something, it is the mind that projects the quality of 'insult' or 'disrespectfulness' onto certain names and forms that is responsible for the mind to feel being insulted or disrespected upon coming in contact with what the mind projects and believes as 'insulting' and 'disrespectful'.

There are people who believe nakedness is something highly sacred. And there are people believe it is something truly insulting and disrespectful towards sacredness.

Whether the mind believes nakedness is something sacred or something insulting and disrespectful towards sacredness, it's just something that the mind wants to believe what it is. Nakedness itself is neither sacred nor insulting towards sacredness.

If the mind is dirty, then nakedness meant something dirty for this being. But it is not what nakedness truly is.

If the mind is sacred, then nakedness meant something sacred for this being. But it is not what nakedness truly is.

Nakedness is just what it is.

Nakedness has no quality to be something 'insulting' or 'disrespectful', but coming from the mind thinks and believes that "being naked" is something 'insulting' and 'disrespecting', and it intentionally wants to be insulting or disrespectful by being naked to insult or disrespect others.

Something truly sacred or pure cannot be contaminated by any impurities.

If something claimed to be sacred can be offended and threatened by something that is 'impure', 'insulting' and disrespectful', no one should go near to that thing that claimed to be sacred.

If the 'God' is 'someone' easily be offended and be threatened by impure and ignorant human being's ignorant behavior, and will get very angry and will hurt those ignorant beings out of anger and hatred, what type of 'God' is this?

If a mind is not pure, full of evil and corrupted thinking and ill-will, this mind is being 'disrespectful' and 'insulting' within itself, towards itself, even if it puts on sufficient, respectful or decent clothing on the physical appearance.

Living in the world with so many different human beings with different thinking and beliefs, we should try to respect other people's conditioned thinking and beliefs for what they think is respectfulness, appropriateness and sacredness.

That's why some wise people try to stay away as much as possible from some other human beings to avoid unintentionally 'insult' or 'disrespect' certain people, and generate unnecessary tension.

Those who are pure will not have any interest to insult or disrespect anyone, nor be determined by other people's intentional or unintentional insult or disrespectfulness.

Om shanti.

The truth is still what it is whether we agree or disagree with it...

The truth, it is not necessarily something pleasant for the egoistic mind, or the way that the egoistic mind would like it to be.

It is the freedom of every mind to have certain thinking and belief, to be conditioning the mind to think in certain ways and to believe in certain beliefs, to influence our action and reaction, or how we behave.

There's nothing wrong for the mind to generate agreement and disagreement towards everything that it comes in contact with, based on how the mind thinks and what the mind believes what things are.

It is the natural habit of the prideful egoistic mind to argue and criticize about something that it disagrees with, for being different from its own thinking and belief, to prove that this is right (my way, my thinking and my believe) and that is wrong (other ways, other thinking and other beliefs). Or else the world would be quiet being free from argument, dispute, criticism and condemn.

Argument, dispute, criticism and condemn coming from the prideful egoistic mind about certain thinking and beliefs are right and good (my way of thinking and my belief), and all the others are wrong and bad (anything else that is being different from my way of thinking and my belief), is subjective and pointless.

The same object, some say it's beautiful, some say it's ugly, based on their own standard of what is beauty and what is ugliness. It is individual projection from each mind to label everything into this and that. The object is just what it is. It is neither beautiful nor ugly. There's nothing wrong with some minds think it's beautiful, and some minds think it's ugly, but it is not the truth of the object.

When we start to let go of attachment towards a particular type of thinking and belief including the thinking and belief in our own minds, as well as all the teachings of all kinds of different philosophy of life existence, we start to see things as they are. There's no right or wrong, good or bad, but just being different. And everyone takes full responsibility for the consequences of their own freedom of choice to take up certain thinking and belief to live their lives, for how they want to think and what they want to believe.

If we expect everyone else in this world to also comply to the same thinking and belief that we attached to, we'll get frustrated, unhappy, angry and hating when they are being different from us. It is coming from our own attachment and expectation, it's not because we are right and they are wrong.

Yoga is about to free the mind from ignorance and egoism through the practice of renunciation, dispassion, desireless, non-attachment, non-identification, and realize non-duality, oneness or non-separateness, or namelessness and formlessness.

Some people including those who think they are practicing yoga or teaching yoga, might dislike and disagree with this teaching and practice. And it's okay.

Those who don't practice yoga because they dislike and disagree with the teaching and practice of yoga, and so, they don't.

Those who love to practice yoga or want to teach yoga, but, they would prefer the yoga that they want to be practicing or teaching, to be the way that they would like it to be, or to be what they think it should be. They don't want to hear or talk about renunciation, non-attachment, dispassion or desireless. And there's nothing wrong with that, and nothing to be arguing about. They have the freedom to think and believe in what they want to think and believe. They are practicing yoga, just that not as what it is, but how they like it to be.

That's the point of what yoga is about. It's oneness, non-separateness, namelessness and formlessness. It is beyond all the different qualities of name and form. There's no prideful egoism, attachment, identification, judgment or expectation, and hence there's no argument, criticism, or condemn.

If someone disagrees with what has been said here, they can't say anything.

Either they say something to argue or criticize, or they don't say anything, not arguing or criticizing, it also shows that there's nothing wrong with this teaching.

If they want to say something about their disagreement on this, and want to argue or criticize about this, it proves that this teaching is true, that every prideful egoistic mind that attached to certain thinking and beliefs, will want to argue and criticize about something that it disagrees with for being different from its point of views based on how it thinks and what it believes.

If they don't say anything, it also proves that this teaching is true, that there's nothing to be argue or criticize about. It is not about what is being said here is true, or not true.

Those who truly practice yoga don't argue or criticize about something that the mind disagrees with for being different from its own thinking and belief, based on how it thinks and what it believes.

Whether the mind agrees or disagrees with something, it is still what it is. Whether we think and believe the apple is tasty or not tasty, the apple is still what it is. It doesn't has the intention or quality to be tasty or not tasty. But coming from each individual's likes and dislikes towards different tastes, different minds have different opinions towards the same taste. It's the same for all the other names and forms of sights, sounds, smells, sensations and thinking.

Any thinking and belief, no matter how good and right we think they are, it is still within the subjective point of views.

Go beyond all the different thinking and beliefs, and realize the universal truth, that everything is just what it is with different names and forms. And beyond all the different names and forms, all is one, there's no separateness. There's no superiority nor inferiority. The mind rests in silence, at peace.

But the ego doesn't like this at all. It prefers the distinctiveness between superiority and inferiority, and ceaselessly strives to make itself more superior than others, and to maintain that superiority. It doesn't like to be in silence, or to be at peace. It enjoys restlessness, stimulation or excitement. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Those who don't like and disagree with this teaching are free to think what they want to think, to agree or disagree with anything, to debate and argue about everything.

May all be peaceful.

Be free.

Can't expect others to love us if we don't love ourselves...

Love ourselves is when we know how to free our minds from ignorance and all the by-products of ignorance. Being free from ignorance, we will know how to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and towards other beings who are not free from suffering due to ignorance.

It's nothing to do with self-pampering in pleasurable physical or mental enjoyments.

Although we might attain some fleeting satisfaction and happy feelings by regularly improving or upgrading our knowledge, professional skills, physical appearance, health and fitness condition, social and financial status, to attain higher quality of life or living standard, or by indulging in pleasurable physical or mental enjoyments, we might still be restless and be disturbed by impurities, if the mind is not free from ignorance and its by-products.

When the mind is free from ignorance, we do not expect others to love us, to feel being loved, but allow others to love us or not, out of their freedom.

We can't expect others to love us when we don't even love ourselves, or expect those who love us to love us in certain ways that we want them to love us, when we keep harming our body and mind with so much impurities derived from egoism, attachment, identification, desires, craving and aversion under the influence of ignorance, whether being aware of it, or not.

May all be free.

Mind the mind of oneself...

Mind...
Doesn't know about itself.
Doesn't know how to manage the impurities, feelings and emotions.
Being unhappy, lost and confused by the impurities, feelings and emotions.
And complains about its unhappiness.
But, it still wants to be busy minding other minds, and constantly looking for faults, clashes and conflicts.
It doesn't want to manage its own problems, but it wants to create problems for others.
If 'I' don't have peace and happiness, 'I' also want to make sure other minds to share my restlessness and unhappiness.

If a mind is being busy engaging in observing, restraining and purifying itself,
if a mind is resting in peace,
it doesn't have the excess time and effort nor interest to mind about other minds.

It allows other minds to mind themselves,
to think and believe what they want to think and believe.
to say what they want to say.
to do what they want to do.

And be free...

Do cheerful people only have happy feelings and don't have any unhappy feelings?

Being cheerful doesn't mean that there is not any unhappy feelings and there's only happy feelings all the time.

There's nothing wrong with happy and unhappy feelings. It's part of the normal function of the mind to react upon coming in contact with the objects of the senses that the mind likes and dislikes, agrees and disagrees with. Or, due to mood swing caused by hormones imbalanced. But cheerful people know that all these feelings are impermanent. They do not have clinging or craving towards happy feelings, or aversion towards unhappy feelings. When happy feelings are absent, they are still cheerful as they are. When unhappy feelings arise in the mind, they are still cheerful as they are.

Those who know non-attachment towards happy and unhappy feelings, they are not being determined by all these fleeting happy and unhappy feelings to be who they are, to be happy or not, to be confident or not, and to feel meaningful or not.

Cheerful people might have unhappy feelings when their minds come in contact with the objects of name and form that the mind dislikes and disagrees with, or when they are not getting the names and forms that the mind likes and wants. Or, when their hormones are imbalanced. But, they know how to let go of unhappy feelings more easily and quicker than those who have attachment towards all the perception of names and forms to be determining them to be who they are, to be happy or not, to be confident or not, and to feel meaningful or not.

The lesser and weaker attachment towards any names and forms, there will be less reasons or lower chances to be unhappy, and vice versa.

Those who have less demand and less expectation, who are less fussy and easily content, who are patient, tolerant, generous, forgiving, adaptable, adjustable and accommodating will have less trigger of unhappy feelings, and vice versa.

Go beyond the identification of 'happy being' and 'unhappy being'.

Keep practicing non-attachment without expectation until the mind is completely be free from any impurities that derived from ceaseless reactions towards objects of name and form influenced by the desires of craving and aversion.

We will realize unconditional peace that is beyond all kinds of happy feelings, and undetermined by any qualities of name and form, when we are free from the desire of want to feel happy and want to be a 'happy being', or don't want to feel unhappy and don't want to be an 'unhappy being'. But, allow all the happy and unhappy feelings to come and go without generate attachment or identification, without craving or aversion.

Love ourselves as we are even though the mind is not being happy all the time.

Be free.

Feel disturbed for being mistreated?

If people want to be unhappy and upset when they think they are being mistreated, let them be. It's their freedom to feel how they want to feel.

Most minds are being conditioned to have expectation. They expect to be treated in certain ways and not to be treated in certain ways. They expect all beings should and shouldn't behave in certain ways, based on what they believe as the good way and the bad way, the right way and the wrong way.

Prideful mind thinks "I deserved to be treated like this, and I don't deserve to be treated like that" and feels disturbed for being 'mistreated' the way that it thinks it shouldn't be treated.

Low-esteem mind also thinks "I deserved to be treated like this, and I don't deserve to be treated like that" and feels disturbed for being 'mistreated' the way that it thinks it shouldn't be treated.

Ego-less mind lets everything and everyone to be what they are. There's no 'I' being treated nicely or badly, rightly or wrongly. There's neither 'deserve' nor 'don't deserve'. There's no right treatment or mistreatment, but only different types of treatments. There's no pride or low-esteem coming from attachment or identification with any qualities of name and form to expect to be treated or not treated in certain ways.

Go beyond all the attachment and identification with any qualities of name and form, and be free.

We are happy and peaceful as we are, regardless what types of treatment we receive from everyone. It's their freedom. But we are not determined by other people's freedom of thinking, action and speech to be happy and peaceful, or not.

If we expect other people should or shouldn't be treating us in certain ways, we will be very disappointed when we are not being treated the way that we think it should be. We are disappointed by our own expectation, it's not because other people didn't treat us nicely or rightly. We are not happy is because we are not getting the things that we like and want, or the way that we like it to be, and we are getting something that we don't like and don't want.

Even when someone gives us something that we like and want, but, not the way that we like it to be, we will not be satisfied or happy.

Om shanti.

Freedom is right here and right now...

Whenever there is desire, attachment, identification, expectation, craving and aversion, there will always be all sorts of impurities occupying the mind, forming a restless state of mind which makes the mind thinks or feels that ‘I am not free’. And that initiates the desire of ‘I want to be free’.

And this process of thinking ‘I am not free’ and the desire of ‘I want to be free’, or, ‘I want to be free’ because ‘I am not free’, is what makes the mind not free.

It is not because we cannot do what we want to do, or we don’t know what we should be doing.

It is not because we don’t have the physical or mental freedom to think what we want to think, or to do what we want to do, or to say what we want to say, or be at where we want to be, or to be what we want to be.

It is the ignorance, egoism, attachment, identification, desires, expectation, craving and aversion in the mind which give birth to all sorts of impurities, that is binding the mind, making the mind thinks and feels that it is not free, or ‘I am not free’.

It is nothing to do with all the names and forms of what we think or can’t think, what we do or can’t do, what we say or can’t say, where we are and are not, or what we are and are not.

If the mind is free from ignorance and all its by-products, then whatever we think or don’t think, whatever we do or don’t do, whatever we say or don’t say, wherever we are and are not, and whatever we are and are not, we are always free as we are.

Learn how to be free from the perception and identification of ‘I am not free’.

There is no ‘I’. Who is there to think and feel ‘not being free’? Who is there to think and feel ‘want to be free’? Who is there to perceive and experience ‘not being free’ and thus desires ‘to be free’?

Every thinking, or feeling, or perception, or experience, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, it is not 'I', and it’s all impermanent.

Om shanti.

May all be free...

All kinds of suffering, unrest, ignorance, selfishness, unjust, violence, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and fear will always exist in the perception of names and forms in the worldly life existence of the ignorant and egoistic minds.

Buddha taught living beings how to be free from suffering.

Buddha didn't teach living beings how to make the world of names and forms to be free from all kinds of suffering or unhappiness. Or Wishing there will only be desirable, pleasant and happy experiences, and no undesirable, unpleasant and unhappy experiences in the world of impermanent names and forms.

Buddha taught living beings to purify one's mind, cultivate one's kindness, to refrain oneself from evil thinking, action and speech.

Buddha didn't teach living beings to 'purify' other beings' mind, to make other beings to cultivate kindness, or to make other beings to refrain from evil thinking, action and speech.

As the world is just what it is. It is neither a suffering place nor a non-suffering place.

Suffering derives from ignorant of the truth and egoism.

To be free from suffering, one works on eliminating ignorance and egoism from one's mind.

As the perception of the worldly life existence is not outside the mind. It's within the mind.

Purify and tame one's mind, and be free.

The world of impermanent names and forms will still be what it is. All other beings will still be what they are. But, one is free from suffering for being free from ignorance and egoism while living in the world of impermanent names and forms.

This is not selfish.

No one can change another being.

One might can influence others to work on their own salvation when oneself is fully purified and be free from ignorance and egoism, without the intention to change other beings or change the world to be the way that the egoistic mind desires, or thinks how it should be.

Purifying and taming one's mind is the greatest contribution towards humanity and world peace and harmony.

May all be free...

Silent Retreat...

Silent retreat.

A period of renunciation.

Retreat from worldly affairs, social activities, personal duties and responsibilities, and from other beings/minds.

To perform the greatest duty and responsibility of mankind.

To focus on oneself.

To look after the well-being of oneself.

To find peace within, to make peace with oneself and others.

Some don't like it. It's normal.

Some have fear and anxiety towards the idea and practice of silence. It's normal too.

Some have high expectation from it. It's okay.

Some runaway from it. It's okay too.

Some fall in love with it. Not surprise either.

Some neither like it nor dislike it. It's just another experience.

Whatever it is, it's just the mind.

Attending one or many silent retreat(s) doesn't guarantee anything.

The mind can be even more restless and turbulent for being restrained in silent retreat.

Confronting impurities within one's mind can be quite unpleasant.

It's like try to clean up a long time blocked drainage system.

As we begin the cleaning process, more unpleasant stuffs being released and come up to the surface during the process.

Keep cleaning up the existing blockage little by little, and stop building up more blockage.

Fear not.

Be bold.

Be indifferent.

Be determined.

May all be free, be peaceful, be happy through silencing one's very own restless mind.

Anger and hatred in love relationship?

Some people came to this blog with the search word "Anger and hatred in love relationship"

If someone feels very unhappy, disturbed, or depressed being in a relationship, and has anger and hatred towards the partner by blaming his or her partner as the one who is responsible for his or her unhappiness, constantly thinking and believing that his or her partner doesn't love or care for him or her, or is being abusive towards him or her, at the same time, out of anger and hatred, he or she is constantly bitching about his or her partner to his or her friends, then there is something not quite right in this relationship.

If the partner is truly so bad and nasty, this person has a choice to step out from this relationship, move on and be free from all the unhappiness for being in that relationship with that partner. But then if this person tells himself or herself and other people, that he or she 'loves' the partner very much, and doesn't want to let this relationship go, then there is something really not right here with this relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being angry towards something that we don't agree with, don't like and don't want, but there's something not right if we have persistent anger, hatred and fear towards the person who is in the relationship with us, and we need to bitch about our partner. How can we say we love our partner very much when we bitch about him or her out of anger and hatred? This is not because our partner doesn't love us. But we don't really love ourselves and neither do we love our partner. We are unhappy, angry and hating is because we couldn't get the relationship the way that we want it to be, and we couldn't get our partner to behave and treat us the way that we like it to be. We didn't get what we like and want, but we are getting something that we don't like and don't want from being in the relationship. It's all about my desires, my happiness, my satisfaction, what I like and what I want.

It's like, "I love this relationship because it gives me certain things that I want, and I don't want to let it go. I also hate this relationship because I couldn't get some other things that I want for being in this relationship."

If the partner is truly so bad, doesn't love or care for us, and being in the relationship is so unhappy and disharmony for us, but for some reasons, out of personal interests or desires, we still want to be in that relationship or being reluctant to let go of the relationship, it shows that there is a problem, but it is not with the partner, it is with us.

Move on. If truly our partner doesn't love us, and is abusing and hurting us whether physically, or mentally, or emotionally. It's meaningless to continue to be in such relationship.

Move on. If life is so miserable by having this relationship, or life can be happier without this relationship.

If we realized that it is our own responsibility, and we think we love our partner, and we still want to be in the relationship, then we need to work on ourselves, learn how to love and accept ourselves as we are, without expecting the relationship or our partner to fulfill our desires.

Be happy.

Looking after our minds...

Yoga practice is looking after our minds particularly through observing certain observation and restriction of mental and physical activities to purify our thinking patterns, actions and speech in everyday life, besides performing some forms of physical and breathing exercises (Yoga Asana and Pranayama) to assist and support concentration and meditation practice (Dharana and Dhyana), to know the truth and be free from being determined or disturbed by the world of impermanent names and forms.

If our minds are highly sensitive towards all the names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses, and easily be affected by the pleasant and unpleasant qualities of name and form, and being restless being influenced and disturbed by the perceptions of names and forms, then we need to have certain degrees of limitation, or restriction, or filtration of what types of input that come in contact with the mind.

When the mind develops a strong foundation of non-attachment and non-identification, then all kinds of observation are unnecessary, and there's no need of limitation, or restriction, or filtration of what types of input that come in contact with the mind.

The practice of disassociation and non-identification with any names and forms is our basic yoga practice.

The worldly minded minds will want to avoid this type of yoga practice, and criticize this type of practice as anti-social and 'unhuman'. The worldly minded minds identify with the name and form of 'human beings' - "I am a human being. I am a good human being. Good human beings should have such and such qualities, should behave in such and such ways, or else we are bad human beings." We don't just expect ourselves as human beings we should behave in certain ways, but we also expect other 'human beings' also conform to our own projection and expectation, constantly generate separateness, conflicts, arguments, discrimination and hatred in oneself and others.

Yoga and meditation practice is not about strengthening or securing the worldly identification with certain qualities of name and form as this or that, but it's to drop off any identifications with any names and forms, realize non-separateness, or oneness beyond all the qualities of name and form.

It's the same as when we identify ourselves with a particular type of 'origin', 'nation', 'culture', 'religion', 'ethnic', 'personality', 'behavior', 'gender', 'sexual orientation', 'political group', 'professionalism', 'social group', 'yoga practitioner', 'yoga teacher', 'yoga lineage', or 'yoga group', we are not free.

Even by identifying oneself as a 'divine being' or 'spiritual being' is also not free from identification with qualities of name and form, and separateness.

Fear, discrimination (including discrimination of friends or not friends, human beings or non-human beings), pride and arrogance derive from separateness due to the identification with name and form. Unless we are free from fear, discrimination, pride and arrogance, there's no discrimination of friends or not friends, human beings or non-human beings, or else we can't be truly compassionate even though we would like to be a compassionate being.

Om shanti.

Be kind and compassionate towards oneself...

To be able to accept the reality that we cannot change the truth of impermanence in the worldly life existence that is subject to change, decay, sickness, old age and death, and we cannot make the world to be free from all kinds of physical, mental and emotional suffering, that we have not yet completely be free from ignorance and egoism, to be completely selfless and compassionate, to be free from fear and suffering that derived from attachment or clinging towards worldly life existence, at the same time we are determined to conquer our own mind to be free from ignorance and egoism, without any judgment, comparison and expectation, is being kind and compassionate towards ourselves.

Om shanti.