When the mind is in a state of great disappointment and despair

When the mind is being over-whelmed by the continuous hammering of repeating dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, irritation, anger, grief, sorrow, or hurt, it's normal that the mind will be in a state of great disappointment and despair, where it is lost, doesn't know what to do with itself and life existence anymore, where it doesn't care about its own well-being, not to say, to care for the well-being of others, where life, or continuing living seems to be meaningless no matter what, where it is under going a state of exhaustion or burnout dealing with certain prolonged challenging, difficult, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful, sorrowful, unpleasant, undesirable, and disagreeable affairs in its personal life, and/or in the world.

When that is happening, the mind needs to have the initiation of wanting to be free from that state of the mind, and have the basic ability to help itself,  which is by reminding itself, that all these are impermanent. It will pass away eventually, without judgment or expectation.

Then the mind can try to move the attention away from all that, to be focusing on something else. Such as taking a rather long 'leave' from certain worldly duty and responsibility, or from study, or from work, or from family, or from a relationship, or from friends circle, or from the community, or from the social medias, and go travelling somewhere, and learning new things, not for building more new friendships or relationships, or to achieve something and be successful, but merely to be focusing on oneself, alone, for a prolonged period, not just for a short few days or few weeks.

The mind can also try to restore or boost its energy level by engaging in a more 'uplifting' lifestyle, such as engaging in certain gentle form (non-violence/non-aggressive way) of physical and mental fitness training activities, that involve twisting, forward bending, backward bending, side bending, inversion, balancing, and chest opening physical movements, and engaging in critical thinking mental training that involve attention, focus, and reasoning, as well as consuming a diet that can help to uplift the energy level, even if all these physical and mental effects are also impermanent, that can help to energize and uplift the state of mind for some time, but it's not the solution.

When the mind is able to divert its attention onto something else, and have a few moments of quietness and calmness, while regaining certain energy level through engaging in a more 'uplifting' lifestyle, then the mind can start to observe or look into all those challenging, difficult, disappointing, disturbing, hurtful, sorrowful, unpleasant, undesirable and disagreeable affairs/experiences/conditions/situations/events that the mind thinks and believes is the cause of its state of great disappointment and despair, to understand what is really happening in the mind, by standing as a 'third party' looking into its own modification or thought activities, and performs inquiry towards what is the real cause of the despair state of mind.

It requires certain degrees of independence, patience, forbearance, acceptance, determination, non-association, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, and non-expectation, for the mind to help itself to recover or come out from the prolonged energy exhaustion or burnout.

If the mind doesn't know how, or reluctant to help itself, and would rather to be continuing drowning in such despair state of mind, where it can't look after its own well-being, can't perform daily tasks for everyday living, can't think properly, can't eat, can't sleep, can't work, or can't enjoy anything, then that is its own freedom and desire.

That's why it's highly important for the minds to be developing certain degrees of independence, patience, forbearance, acceptance, determination, non-association, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-judgment, and non-expectation, before it comes to the point of 'drowning in great despair' upon dealing with too much over-whelming and hammering life experiences.

It's not about trying to help the world to be a better place. It's not about trying to be a good person. It's not about trying to be perfect or exceptional. It's not about running away from difficulties, duties and responsibilities. It's merely about do one's best to be looking after oneself.

When the mind is well or fit enough to be looking after its own well-being, then only it can look after its worldly duties and responsibilities, its family, its relationships, its friendships, its community, its study, its work, or the surrounding environment, properly.

Inquire the truth of everything.

Go beyond sadness, grief, guilt, regret or blame

It's normal and common that most minds would react with great sadness or grief upon knowing/seeing/hearing the death of someone that they know personally, especially those who are close to them in their life, that have been interacting with them, that have been establishing certain connection or relationship with them, that they like and agree with. While they won't react with the similar degree of sadness or grief upon knowing/seeing/hearing the death of someone that they don't know personally, or someone that they dislike and disagree with. Meanwhile, they might not feel sadness or grief at all upon knowing/seeing/hearing the death of someone that they hate very much for certain reasons. It's neither right nor wrong. Just that these minds are not free from the veil of ignorance.

Some minds would be over-whelmed by intense sadness or grief towards any kind of death or suffering, upon knowing/seeing/hearing the death or suffering of anyone and any lives, regardless of someone that they know or don't know personally, or someone that they like or dislike, agree or disagree with. These minds are not free as well. Some minds might interpret that as the reaction of great compassion, but it's not. These minds are still functioning under the veil of ignorance.

Some minds would be disturbed by guilt, regret or blame towards oneself and/or others upon the death or suffering of oneself or others, for certain reasons. They want to do and achieve everything that they want to do and achieve before the death of oneself or others, hoping that there won't be any guilt, regret or blame, or if not, maybe there will be less guilt, regret or blame. These minds are not free as well.

Some minds cannot perceive any form of emotions/sensations towards anything, being emotionless, numbed or non-empathetic, due to certain dysfunction or injury in certain part of the bodily system, or under the influence of certain drugs. It doesn't necessarily mean that these minds are free from the veil of ignorance.

The minds that have attained direct realization towards selflessness and impermanence, are void of sadness, grief, guilt, regret, or blame. Not that they are emotionless, numbed, or lack of empathy due to certain malfunction in certain part of the bodily system, or under the influence of any drugs, but merely because these minds are void of ignorance and egoism. These minds are aware of certain gross and subtle emotions or sensations might be arising, changing and passing away, but there's no grasping, attachment or identification arise in the mind towards all these selfless modifications of the impermanent body and mind.

There's neither good nor bad about all these modifications of the mind, all minds are free to feel what they are feeling, or not feeling what they are not feeling, especially if the minds have certain degrees of understanding towards the impermanence of everything. However, it can be quiet disturbing/suffering to oneself and maybe others if the mind has no correct understanding, and is being over-powered by all these selfless impermanent modifications of the mind. Some minds are continuing to be disturbed by certain emotions arising and accumulating from the past experiences for years and years, that also affecting their relationships with everyone or their physical and mental performance in everyday life, unwittingly. It's not about denying, ignoring or pushing away all these emotions. but to be aware of them, without grasping, attachment or identification, allowing them to be there, arising, changing, and passing away. Just as allowing everyone and everything to be there, changing, and passing away, without judgment or expectation.

Realize this, and be free.

Freedom in all kind of relationships

Some minds are troubled/disturbed by the existence of relationships that are not the way that they would like it to be, and some minds are troubled/disturbed by the past relationships that were not the way that they liked it to be, while some minds are troubled/disturbed by the absence of relationships that they would like to have. The ever-restless clinging mind is always looking forward for 'something' that isn't here, or a 'reality' that is not what it is in the present. There's nothing wrong with that, as it is the nature of the impure egoistic mind, just that the mind is not free.

The minds that don't know and the ones who think they know but they don't really know what is going on in the mind of attachment and non-attachment, there is no peace or freedom regardless of whether they have a few or many relationships, or don't have any relationships. The minds are being determined by the existence and non-existence of relationships, the quality of the relationships and the impermanent changes of the relationships. The minds are not being in the present, being determined or disturbed by the past pleasant and unpleasant experiences/memories and future anticipations/non-anticipations, as well as being determined by the perceived reality in the present.

The minds that attached onto worldly passionate thinking and belief in search for the sense of self-esteem, confidence, fulfillment, happiness and meaningfulness in the qualities of names and forms or relationships are not free from the impure modifications/reactions of the mind perception of dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hurts, regret, guilt, loneliness, boredom, meaninglessness, fear, worry, grief, painful sorrow and suffering, and be disturbed upon coming in contact with the names and forms or relationships that are not the way that the minds like, agree with and desire.

The minds that know what is going on in the mind of attachment and non-attachment, they are peaceful and free as it is, regardless of whether they have a few or many relationships, or don't have any relationships. They are not determined by the existence and non-existence of relationships, the quality of the relationships, or the impermanent changes of the relationships. The minds are being in the present without being determined or disturbed by the past pleasant and unpleasant experiences/memories and future anticipations/non-anticipations, and being undetermined by the perceived reality in the present.

They love, unconditionally/compassionately. They don't fall in/out love. They love all and everything as they are, as it is, without expecting or interfering with all and everything have to be in certain ways.

They are free to give, or not. And when they give, they give their best within their ability and capacity of what is possible and available in the present, without attachment towards the actions or the fruit of actions, being free from discrimination, identification, intention, expectation, greed, possessiveness, clinging, craving and aversion, and allowing others whether to accept, receive, appreciate and be thankful towards what they give, or not, and thus being free from dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hurts, regret, guilt, loneliness, boredom, meaninglessness, fear, worry, grief, painful sorrow and suffering, and be undisturbed upon coming in contact with the names and forms or relationships that are not necessarily the way that most mind would like, agree with and desire.

There's no judgment and expectation towards others for how others think, believe, behave, act and react, desire and don't desire. There's no 'should' or 'shouldn't'. There's only actions and the consequences of actions.

All kinds of violence/conflicts start from "Desire of expecting, interfering, changing, controlling, over-powering and oppressing others' thinking, beliefs, behaviors, actions and reactions to be the way that 'I' think and believe it should be."

There's neither right nor wrong when the dispassionate minds don't perceive sadness or grief towards the dead ones while the passionate minds perceive sadness and grief towards the dead ones. It's just the different modifications of mind perception/reactions functioning either under the influence of ignorance, or free from ignorance.

These dispassionate attachment-free minds are being perceived by the worldly passionate minds, including many of the 'yoga practitioners' and 'yoga teachers' in the world as 'wrong', 'negative', 'heartless', 'feelingless', 'cold', 'selfish', 'self-centered', 'uncaring', 'unloving', 'unsympathetic', 'inhuman', 'madness', 'weird', 'abnormal', and so on. All these judgments/labels derived from the worldly passionate minds don't affect or disturb the dispassionate minds being peaceful and free as it is. It's everyone's freedom for how they perceive, act and react, judge and expect, or seeing what they want/like to see and not seeing what they don't want/like to see.

"How can a 'normal' human being don't feel sad or grieve for the death of another being, especially someone who loved you and whom you love and related to you dearly? It's so wrong and inhuman."

Indeed, that's how most minds think, believe, behave, act and react - 'Normal' human beings should behave, act and react in 'certain ways' and shouldn't behave, act and react in 'certain ways' based on the worldly thinking and belief about what is 'right and wrong', 'should and shouldn't'.

For the minds that know, there's nothing 'wrong' with all the different kind of mind perceptions, way of thinking, belief and disbelief, behavior, actions and reactions. It's just the minds that don't know what is going on in the mind, they are functioning under the influence of ignorance, while being ignorant towards ignorance, and thus, being disturbed by the modifications of the mind perception/reaction towards all the perceived agreeable/disagreeable names and forms, and all kinds of dissatisfaction, disturbance, hurts, restlessness and suffering arise in the mind. There is a desire/need of receiving kindness, interaction, understanding, acceptance, appreciation and acknowledgment, and there's perception/reaction of hurts and the desire/need to be healed from hurts.

It's like when the ignorant mind experiencing something that it perceives/recognizes as 'hurtful' and 'wrongful', it feels hurt and angry about something, and there's a desire/need to be healed from 'hurts' and 'anger'. But when the mind sees the truth of 'hurt' and 'anger', being free from ignorance, the mind no longer perceives/feels hurt or angry about anything. There's no desire/need to be healed from anything.

Be free.

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Essence of Vedanta

No grief should be felt at any time, because the moment you are disturbed, upset or grieved, you must understand that you have not properly grasped the technique of Yoga. For, if you have properly understand the technique of Yoga, you'll know how to transcend every situation into Yoga. Ignorance is the cause of pain. We cannot be in a state of pain or sorrow if we have a proper conception of Yoga.

Essence of Vedanta - Swami Sivananda