Being aware of uncertainty without the sense of insecurity

The existence of the sense of insecurity in the modification of the mind is due to the mind perception towards uncertainty deriving from inevitable impermanent changes as well as the infinite existence of the unknown, of what the mind doesn't know, that are not in one's control or desire to be the way that one desires them to be.

It's okay that the mind doesn't know certain things, or many things, or everything.

It's okay that there are inevitable impermanent changes that are not in one's control or desire to be or not to be in certain way.

The practice of non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-comparison, non-judgment, and non-expectation are there for the mind to transcend the ever existing unknown beyond the knowledge of the mind and the inevitable uncertainty of impermanent changes, where the mind is aware of and acknowledging that there is something beyond its knowledge or perception, as well as there is inevitable ceaseless impermanent changes or uncertainty in this selfless impermanent mind perception of a worldly life existence of names and forms that are selfless and impermanent, but without the sense of insecurity arising in the modification of the mind.

Even if there is the sense of insecurity arising in the modification of the mind from time to time, the mind knows that this is also impermanent, without attachment or identification towards the impermanent modification/state of the mind or the sense of insecurity as "I", or "I am insecure", without aversion towards the presence of the sense of insecurity, without craving towards the absence of the sense of insecurity, without judgment towards the sense of insecurity as good or bad, and without expectation towards the existing sense of insecurity to disappear from the modification of the mind, but allowing the sense of insecurity being there as it is, allowing it to change and pass away, as it is.

The mind is aware of the modification of the mind, or what is going on in the mind, of all kinds of names and forms (sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts, feelings, emotions, imaginations, anticipations, thinking, belief/disbelief, ideas, values, reasoning, understanding/non-understanding, and all kinds of desires/actions/reactions/impurities, and etc) arising, changing, and passing away in the modification of the mind, without grasping, without the idea of 'I' attaching and identifying towards the modification of the mind as "I", without desire of craving and aversion, judgment, or expectation towards the modification of the mind to be or not to be in certain way.

That is the practice of yoga and/or buddhism.

It is in every moment.

Yoga practice is not something that people do in the few hours daily or 'once in a while' self-practice yoga practice sessions consist of yoga asana exercise, pranayama/breathing exercise, kriya/cleansing exercise, relaxation, chanting, concentration, and meditation practice, or when participating in some yoga classes regularly or irregularly.

And it's definitely not about trying to achieve perfection in oneself, or in the many different types of physical and mental yoga practice, or in the world.

Inquire the truth of everything.

My life stories - Part 17 (Uncertainty - That's life, and it's okay)

My life Stories – Part 17 (Uncertainty - That's life, and it's okay)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

Before we came to France, we had contacted the French embassy in Kuala Lumpur to enquire about the legal procedure for me as the non-European spouse of an European citizen to be residing in France, regarding whether I needed to apply for a long term visa for entering France among some other things.

They said that as the spouse of an European citizen moving to France with my European husband, I don't need a long term visa to enter France. I just needed to enter France as a tourist and then apply for the resident card in France within 90 days after arrival. We also checked online for getting ready all the required documents for applying the resident card.

We wanted to apply for the resident card as soon as possible during the first week after we arrived. Being unsure about many things, we went to the sub-prefecture here to inquire about it, and we were being told that we needed to get to the main branch in Annecy for applying the resident card, but before that can happen, we needed to wait until my husband has renewed his old Health Medical Card, which afterwards we found out over the counter on the day when we went for the appointment that this procedure is unnecessary as my husband is actively being employed in France. Didn't know that it was a misinformation being given to us, we had followed the instructions from that officer. And hence, we waited until my husband renewed the Health Medical Card after receiving his first payslip, which then would take many weeks for it to be processed. And after that, we needed to make an online appointment reservation via the website that was being introduced due to the pandemic.

We didn't want to wait until two months later for us to start trying to get an appointment. As soon as he sent off the documents for renewing his Health Medical Card upon receiving his first payslip in the beginning of March, we started trying to get an appointment for applying the resident card, however, it wasn't easy at all.

We were told by the officer in the sub-prefecture office that we should try to make an appointment through the website on Sunday nights at 12 midnight. We didn't understand why it has to be at midnight hour and only available on Sundays, but we just follow his advice. Not just that we have tried to make a reservation for an appointment on Sunday midnight, but we also tried on different days and different timing, and we still couldn't even get through the first step which is about the available date and time slots. We have been trying a few times everyday for a few weeks and we still couldn't get an appointment. And apparently, it's not possible to make a phone call to talk to someone.

It was quite unsettling for us, as I might need to fly out of France and Europe if I still couldn't get an appointment before the deadline of 90 days after arrival. It would cost a lot of money and troubles to be travelling during the pandemic which was still going strong in many countries at that time.

Since it's not possible to just make a phone call to enquire about anything, we made an effort to re-visit the sub-prefecture on my husband's off day, to see if we can find out about what can we do, if we still couldn't get an appointment, however, the one and only officer who is responsible for administrating the foreigners affair, was on holiday for that whole week. While the other people who are working there 'refuse' to take any of our questions even before we asked anything, by saying that it's not their department's responsibility. And so, we came back empty handed, and continuing trying to get onto the website to get an appointment. And nothing changed.

Meanwhile, I was also looking at flights and entry requirements in different countries for travelling amid the pandemic, about where can I fly to at the minimal cost, if I still couldn't get an appointment closer to the deadline. I was ready to just go somewhere, anywhere, if that's the way it has to be. This life journey has been teaching this mind that it doesn't need to fight against any difficulties, but just do its best to move on by gliding through the difficulties, allowing the current to bring it to where it is.

Then we looked at the website again to see if we can find some useful information, then only my husband found a contact form after browsing the website for some time, and sent a message via the contact form explaining about our situation. Surprisingly, we got an email reply on the same day telling us that the reservation slots will only be opened between 8 and 9 in the morning on Mondays.

And so, we waited for the upcoming Monday to come, and got onto the website even before 8 am. At last, we managed to make an appointment. There were less than 40 slots available for that particular week, and they all were gone within the first few minutes. No wonder we couldn't make a reservation after trying so many times. It reminded me about the time when we tried to make an appointment for the AZ vaccination in Malaysia where all the available slots were gone in less than half an hour as millions of people were racing to get an appointment for early vaccination.

Many people were so disappointed at that time as they couldn't get an appointment after trying very hard to get one, and then, they had to go through many months of uncertainty while waiting to receive their appointment date set by the health ministry department, by checking their status many times everyday, not knowing whether they will be getting an appointment for sure, as there was rumour about there were not enough vaccine for everyone, or when will they get it, while seeing some others who were younger were getting their appointment and vaccination done, but they themselves still haven't received an appointment after many months of waiting. The anxiety level was building up for many people who were anxiously waiting to receive their appointment, as there was no confidence and trust at all towards the 'messy' government at that time. Ironically, there were other people in many other countries in the world rejecting any kind of vaccination out of their own particular reasons, and the governments have been throwing out their expired unused vaccines. And that's their freedom.

Meanwhile, the earliest dates that we could get an appointment for applying the resident card were a few weeks after my 90 days deadline. And hence, immediately, my husband sent another email to them explaining about the situation of whether there will be any complication for me since I couldn't start applying for the resident card within the 90 days deadline due to the difficulty of booking the appointment slots. And very efficiently, they replied within a few hours, saying that they understood the complication that many people have been going through, and would take the confirmation email with the date of making the reservation for the appointment before the deadline as part of the application procedure, which means that I don't need to leave France. What a relief after two months of uncertainty trying to find a living space and dealing with legal documentation. That's life. And it's okay.

Finally, the appointment day arrived. We took the train to Annecy on the day before and stayed one night at the Hotel des Alpes (highly recommended for its cleanliness, friendly staff, and excellent location), to make sure that we won't miss the appointment due to any reasons, since it's very difficult to get an appointment. The next morning, we went to the Prefecture half an hour earlier than the appointment time, and got our numbers. After waiting for a few minutes, we were called.

It was a really fast and warm experience, maybe because we had prepared the few documents (both original and copy) that is needed for the application in the exact order that they asked for. The officer who attended our files, was really friendly, helpful and funny, which we normally don't see in some countries' government departments where most of the officers are very 'formal', or even 'shouting' at the people who are anxious and confused about many overly complicated procedures. She was really 'impressed' that we even had kept our flight tickets that show which date that we arrived in France. It was a complete opposite governmental affair experience from where I came from. After checking all our documents, we got our 'temporary' resident card being issued immediately, and I can now officially live and work in France. Usually the resident card will be ready within six months, but due to the past two years of pandemic, there are backlogs and delays in processing and issuing the resident card, but it's not a problem at all, said the officer. We can just go directly to the Prefecture in the afternoon without making appointment to renew the temporary card, if we still haven't received our resident card within six months. The entire application process took less than 30 minutes for both our applications. Thank you, France.

The world just needs more openness and humanity to make life easier and simpler for everyone. However, due to survival instinct on top of the political influenced racial and national identity, that is propagating selfishness and discrimination, more and more human beings in different areas in the world are heading towards the opposite of openness and humanity, which they don't realize that it will only lead towards many different types of complication and difficulty in all and everyone, including themselves.

We just do our best to make things work, if possible, and let it be.

Thank you.

Frustration and disappointment due to lockdown?

During this global epidemic situation in the world, other than anxiety of fear and worry towards contracting illness and confronting death as well as uncertainty towards the aftermath if one survives this epidemic, many people are getting frustrated and disappointed due to the unpleasant/undesirable social/physical distancing or movement restriction undergoing the upmost important process of lockdown for a prolonged period of time to help to contain the epidemic efficiently. Some worry about their family and friends, some worry about their future, some worry about the economy going down and many other things.

There's neither right nor wrong. It's just how different minds think, feel, act and react or behave differently. Everyone has the freedom for how they think, feel, act and react.

The worldly egoistic minds are getting frustrated and disappointed is due to they are unable to be as free as they used to be, to go wherever they want to go, to do whatever they want to do, to eat and play at anytime and anywhere as they like, or to enjoy what they want to enjoy. And they have the rights to feel frustrated and disappointed as much as they like. Some even get angry/furious for certain 'reason' that they think and believe as the cause of this epidemic, blaming this and that for causing them many inconvenience, loss and suffering.

This modification (behavior/reaction) of the mind is merely the reflection of the untrained/undisciplined minds that are functioning under the influence of ignorance and egoism where the minds are being over-powered by egoistic attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation. It's normal that the untrained egoistic minds don't like discipline/restriction or be disciplined/restricted.

The frustration and disappointment that exists in many people is due to their 'normal' habitual routine of constantly gratifying the gross and subtle physical/mental/emotional desire of craving and aversion, whether consciously or subconsciously, is being disrupted mildly or heavily, but also more angry particularly when they think and believe that 'the disruption' is caused by other people and happening that has nothing to do with them. The mind (the ego) doesn't like it and doesn't want this. And that's their freedom of thinking, feeling, action and reaction.

There's no frustration and disappointment, or anxiety of fear and worry towards contracting illness and confronting death, or uncertainty towards the aftermath if one survives this epidemic in the minds that have been well-disciplined, being free from egoism and ignorance, being free from attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion and expectation, being in the present moment, being aware of the mind perception of a worldly life existence of impermanent and selfless names and forms powered by cause and effect.

One just do one's best to observe this process of lockdown to help to contain this global epidemic, without attachment, identification or expectation, regardless of if there are some others who don't understand the importance of this process and behaving in the way that they behave, while some others are merely being rebellious disrespecting the process of lockdown or quarantine, and some others might think and believe that they are being 'caring and loving' insisting to go visiting their family and friends, especially those who are elderly and lives alone, whether intentionally or unintentionally, under the influence of ignorance and egoism.

Welcoming changes towards unlimited unthinkable opportunities

Most minds will tend to have fear and worry towards changes, especially letting go a familiar living environment and family/friends/social circle, as well as letting go job or business that provides 'stable' financial support for living, unless they have no other choices but they have to find another living environment elsewhere and to find some other job or business due to unforeseen circumstances, such as losing their beloved home or job/business unwittingly due to natural disaster, bad economy, accident, war, and etc.

This fear and worry is the instinctive fear towards the unknown/uncertainty and fear of making the wrong decision to be losing the good and comfortable condition that one has been familiar with, which one loves/enjoys very much.

Whether we are aware or unaware of it, stability is always the main element and attachment in everything in life, even though the nature of everything is impermanence. Impermanence exists even in so called 'stability'. Most minds would think and believe that they are embracing impermanence, but most probably only embracing towards changes of improvement, while there's great aversion towards changes of deterioration. But deterioration is the ultimate truth of everything that exist under certain name and form.

Only when the mind learns how to embrace the nature of impermanence regardless of improvement or deterioration, there's no fear towards changes or decisions making that actually would lead towards unlimited possible opportunities that are unknown to the mind until the mind sees them upon letting go/abandoning the little box of a familiar life that the mind lives in, when the mind starts to allow itself to be opened towards all the unknown/uncertainty without fear or regret, but with great welcome.

This is also similar to the teaching of yoga about surrendering. It's not about 'letting God to lead life and God will look after life for us', but it's about letting go the attachment/identification/clinging/expectation towards 'the existing comfort that gives rise to the sense of meaningfulness derived from particular way of living and activities that the mind enjoys very much' and letting go the fear towards losing or no longer having 'this comfort and the sense of meaningfulness that it has been attaching or clinging onto'.

Most people will think and say, "Unless we have to, why do we want to let go something that is good and meaningful which we love very much that is still available to us now?"

There's nothing wrong with that, as people don't really need to let go anything (especially 'goodness' that gives rise to the sense of meaningfulness) until they have to. People like to hear and say, "Appreciate all the good things until they are no longer available." That's very good. But for the truth seekers, the attachment/clinging towards 'goodness or comfortable good condition that give rise to the sense of meaningfulness' is indeed one of the great obstacles towards liberation that most minds don't realize.

For the minds that are in searching for 'the truth' or 'liberation from ignorance', or 'selflessness/namelessness/formlessness/attributelessness/beginninglessness/endlessness/birthlessness/deathlessness/changelessness', there's no waiting, as this life existence, regardless of 'good and comfortable life' or 'bad and challenging life', is passing away.

For some who believe in one life, they might think and say, "Ah! there's only one life, why bother about anything? Enjoy as much as possible while it's available."

For some who believe in many continuous lives, they might think and say, "Ah! there's so many lives, need not hurry for anything. Enjoy as much as possible while it's available."

For the truth seekers, "It's NOW, and there's only NOW." regardless of it's good and comfortable life or bad and challenging life, or one life, or many continuous lives, or the beginningless/endless/birthless/deathless infinite Sat-Chit-Ananda.

Life is uncertain and Death is certain

Life is uncertain, but death is certain.

Death is a great teacher of life existence. The healthiest, the strongest, the happiest, the wealthiest, the kindest, the greatest, the most intelligent and knowledgeable, the most talented, successful and famous, or the most loved and respected, will also have to bow down to DEATH.

There's no guarantee about anything in this worldly life existence of uncertainty, but for sure, death will come one day, sooner or later, regardless of whether it's natural cause or unnatural cause, intentional or unintentional, expected or unexpected, slowly or instantly, wittingly or unwittingly, having none/few/many friends, having an easy life or difficult life, being ignorant or wise, have done none/few/many good actions or bad actions, have been good or bad/right or wrong/positive or negative/happy or unhappy/healthy or unhealthy. Everyone is dying immediately following the moment of birth, but most people either don't realize this or they trying to be positive and hope for the best. Death is not a bad or negative thing at all.

"Tribute to my big brother who had lived a difficult but great honest life, who was content and generous, who was forbearing and forgiving, who had been smiling through all the hardships, who had delivered all his duties and responsibilities as a great son, a great brother, a great husband and a great friend to many beings, who had been sacrificed greatly to be looking after our family during the difficult time, and looking after our beloved bedridden father unconditionally for many years until he left the world. And now, my big brother had left this world without any painful suffering but with a smile on his face on the 30th of June 2019. Thank you brother."