be free, be happy, be peaceful

May all find the teacher within to guide oneself towards unconditional love and peace

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Low Self-esteem, Pride & Arrogance - How to attain true confidence

Pride and arrogance need to attach towards certain things to express itself, to be existing. Such like the family name and origin, the wealth and health, the fame, the knowledge, the educational level, the title, the physical body, the appearance, the thinking, the talents and abilities, the culture, the religion, the social status, the achievement, the success, the possession, the relationships, the actions and the fruit of actions, and etc… This is because we (the thinking mind functioning under the veil of ignorance and egoism) are not confident about ourselves, and the ego needs something other than what we are, to give us the sense of self-worth and to get rid of the void or the sense of emptiness from within.

It is only when we are not truly confident about ourselves, we will have pride and arrogance when we have achieved some accomplishment to feel good about ourselves and thinking that we are better than other people, and there's an urge to show off and prove to other people that we are somebody with such and such accomplishment or superiority.

If we are truly confident about ourselves, there is no need for us to show off to other people about anything and we don’t need to be prideful and arrogant about anything at all. Neither there is a need to feel more superior than anyone else.

Pride and arrogance is a play of the ego. But if we (the thinking mind) do not know how to be free from the ego, this mind will be over-powered by the ego without being aware of it.
It's also because there's a non-existence individual identification existing in the mind identifying with the qualities of names and forms that are subject to selfless impermanent changes to be 'I', that's why the sense of void or emptiness is always there, because this identification of 'I' is merely an idea deriving from ignorance and egoism of attachment towards the selfless impermanent names and forms, where it doesn't have a real solid permanent independent existence.
If the ego is absent, if attachment and identification doesn't exist in the mind, there won't be egoistic reaction towards the sense of insecurity/uncertainty arising from egoistic attachment and identification, and it's needless to be proud and arrogant about oneself and towards any kind of accomplishment achieved through the body and mind.
The sense of emptiness and insecurity (uncertainty) that arise due to attachment and identification towards names and forms that are subject to inevitable selfless impermanent changes disappears upon the realization of selflessness (the annihilation of the ego and egoism), as the thinking mind is void of attachment or identification. It won’t need pride and arrogance to prevent itself from humiliation or to avoid itself from being looked down or humiliated by somebody. “Humiliation” doesn't exist upon the realization of selflessness, as there's no attachment or identification towards any names and forms. 
When there's no attachment or identification in the thinking mind towards any names and forms that is selfless and impermanent, what is “pride and arrogance”? What is “low self-esteem and humiliation”? When 'I' doesn't exist, who is being prideful and arrogant? Who is being low self-esteem and humiliated?

People who suffer low self-esteem need other people’s acknowledgment, agreement, recognition, compliment and appreciation to feel good about themselves. They need other people to show them love, support and give positive feedback about themselves, to have the sense of self-worth, to feel good and meaningful. This is nothing wrong. But when they get some negative feedback about them, while not getting any attention and support, acknowledgment, agreement, recognition, compliment or appreciation that they expect to be receiving, they will become depressed and feel very low confidence or low self-worth. Because all these things are impermanent. They are some qualities of names and forms that are constantly changing. If we (the thinking mind) depend on all these things to have confidence about ourselves, we will end up being disappointed and unhappy.

The only thing that gives us true confidence is by knowing our true nature (selflessness), and realizing unconditional love, peace, compassion and wisdom from within ourselves upon the annihilation of ignorance and egoism. This true confidence is not being influenced or affected by anything in the world, in our life, or the condition of our body and the state of our mind. It is free from duality or the qualities of good and bad, positive and negative, or meaningfulness and meaninglessness.

People who are low confident will always feel intimidated by people who are naturally confident as they are, even though other people didn’t have any intention to intimidate them. And they are always very sensitive towards how other people think of them and whether other people like them, accept them or agree with them, or not. Like wise, people who are truly confident naturally or unconditionally, won’t feel intimidated by anyone who are full of confidence, and they are not being determined by how other people think about them and treat them.

Most people think that confidence comes from their achievements or success in life. Some people think that it comes from the ability of their physical body to be able to do this and that. Some think that it comes from good relationship with other people. Some think that it comes from the beautiful appearance and presentation. Some think that it comes from being knowledgeable. Some think that it comes from possessing a lot of wealth, having a higher social status, having good health and a super fit body. Some think that it comes from being able to do whatever they want to do or go wherever they want to go. Some think that it comes from having control over their destiny or their life. Some think that it comes from gaining respect and trustworthy from other people especially from the people that they know and like. Some think that confidence comes from all the above being mentioned and not mentioned.

But somehow, even though people managed to get all these things/qualities in life as they wish, they will realize that actually all these things can only give them momentary satisfaction, confidence and good feeling about themselves, but it's not true and lasting satisfaction or confidence. When all these things changed and disappeared, they (the thinking mind) will be in a state of dissatisfaction and disappointment, as well as low confidence or low self-worth.

Some people have lots of money, beautiful appearance, good health, freedom, great charisma and personality, fantastic successful career, and are able to get whatever they want, or do whatever they like and go wherever they want to go, but they are still suffering from low self-esteem, and are not happy. They still have lots of dissatisfaction, disappointment, doubts, insecurity, fear and worry. There are still lots of judgment, criticism, comparison, competition and expectation towards themselves and the others. They are still being disturbed by anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, anxiety, irritation, frustration, craving and aversion, and being ignorant towards the truth of things.

And so, some people start to look for true confidence which can only be found from within, that is selfless, nameless, formless, attributeless, changeless, beginningless and endless. It is beyond the condition of the body, the state of the mind, the life existence and the world. It is beyond the ability of the body and mind to do this and that. It is beyond the happy and unhappy feelings, good and bad feelings. It is not being determined or affected by impermanence. It is fearless and worry-less. It is the realization of the true nature of all and everything, which is, selflessness. Knowing we are unconditional and unlimited love, peace, compassion and wisdom. Knowing we are full, whole and content.

True confidence has got nothing to do with whatever the mind perceives through the senses, nor has it got anything to do with anything in the perceived world of names and forms. It has got nothing to do with the accumulated knowledge and learning that we attained in this world. Even people who had study a lot and know a lot can still be suffering from low self-esteem.

True confidence comes from when we (the thinking mind) know how to accept ourselves as we are, in this present moment now, for where we are, what we are, and how we are. It is when we know how to love ourselves and love all, unconditionally, as it is. We don’t need to prove to anyone about who we are or how we are. We are what we are.

It is only when we cannot accept ourselves as we are, and trying to be somebody and someone whom we are not in the present moment now, that disconnect ourselves (the thinking mind) with the true confidence that is already there, and always there, unchanging, never increase or decrease.

There is a big difference between “not accepting ourselves as we are and want to change ourselves to become what we want us to be” and “accepting ourselves as we are, but continue to evolve or to improve”. One is full of aversion, craving and discontentment, while the other one is full of contentment and confidence.
Under the presence of true confidence, 'humility' or 'humbleness' also doesn't exist in the mind. There's no 'I' being there to be identifying as "I am humble." There's neither humility and humbleness nor pride and arrogance. The mind that thinks and believes and identifies itself as "I am humble", or "I am not prideful and arrogant" is still functioning under the veil of ignorance and egoism. It's not free.

With true confidence, we can be in the world enjoying everything that we do and don’t do, can do and cannot do, but not being disturbed or affected by the impermanent world and the fruit of actions.
When the mind is free from attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation, when the mind allows all kind of impermanent changes being what they are, as they are, without trying to control everything to be or not to be in certain way, when the mind is free from fear and worry, when the mind doesn't need to develop high confidence or be confident at all, true confidence is there as it is.

May we all be free from pride and arrogance, and be truly confident by attaining or realizing the highest knowledge of the selfless Self.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Reviews of Yoga Now Malaysia on Trip Advisor


About Yoga

Know thyself. Everything is impermanent and selfless. There is no 'I'. There is no 'I am selfless'/'I am not selfless'. There is no 'I am hurt'/'I need to be healed from hurt'. Non-blind believing, non-blind following, non-blind practicing and non-blind propagating, but be open-minded to inquire the truth of everything. Be free. Be peaceful. Be happy.

About Meng Foong

My photo
Inquire the truth of everything.

Link to Yoga Now Malaysia website

Link to Yoga Now Malaysia website
Yoga retreats and yoga workshops in Malaysia

Blog Archive

visitor maps