Hardship and difficulty

Some people have to go through many hardship and difficulty in life, while some people don't need to go through any hardship or difficulty at all.

It doesn't mean that those who have been and/or are undergoing some kind of hardship and difficulty in life are any less good, or less smart, or less deserving than those who don't need to go through any hardship and difficulty, and vice versa.

It's definitely nothing to do with what the worldly minded think and believe as the presence and absence of past accumulated and present generated good and/or bad karma.

Many wise and compassionate selfless beings had/have to go through many different kinds of hardship and difficulty, during their limited selfless impermanent worldly life existence, before and even after they attained self-realization or enlightenment.

Upon undergoing prolonged ongoing hardship and difficulty, some people might become more ignorant, corrupt, selfish, bitter, hard, and cruel, while some people might become more wise, understanding, open, cheerful, gentle, and kind.

Similarly, upon the presence of easiness and enjoyment in life, some people might become more proud and arrogant, clinging onto easy and enjoyable conditions and experiences, while some people might realize the fleeting impermanence in all kinds of names and forms, regardless of easy or difficult conditions, and pleasant or unpleasant experiences, and develop a firm foundation in non-attachment and letting go.

Hardship and difficulty are neither good nor bad. It's up to this mind.

One might become less and less ignorant, selfish, hard, bitter, and hurtful, or, one might become more and more ignorant, selfish, hard, bitter, and hurtful.

What does this mind choose to become?

Be free.

How to teach the yoga class for thinning out and eradicating ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness?

In the yoga asana practice class, it's about thinning out and eradicating ignorance, egoism and impurities in the process of learning and doing the different yoga asana poses or exercises, by integrating the essential teachings of yoga into the yoga practice and in daily life, to be influencing the states of the mind, bringing the mind into the present moment, and rendering the mind focused, relaxed, calmed and quiet, free from restlessness, to prepare the mind for meditation and self-inquiry.

There's only one type of yoga class, that is about the yoga practice to be annihilating the idea of 'I' by eradicating ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness while learning and performing the yoga asana practice, breathing exercises, concentration practice, relaxation, and etc.

The yoga class is being delivered in a spontaneous way without any pre-planning of what to teach, as one will never know what will be there beyond the present moment, but only what is here in the present moment, of what is available or not available and what is possible or not possible, that is changing every moment, but teaching the class as it goes, based on how is everyone acting and reacting in the yoga class while learning and performing or trying to perform the different yoga practice, that is allowing the yoga students to come in contact with the essential teachings of yoga, to have direct experience towards the teachings, to be developing correct understanding, that leads towards the thinning out and eradication of ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness, efficiently.

All and everyone come into life existence as it is, while learning and evolving as it is, as life is.

There's no separation of different levels of yoga asana practice classes. There's no beginner class, intermediate class, or advance class, including those that have been teaching yoga, regardless of how long one has been practicing or teaching yoga. Allowing everyone under different physical conditions and different states of the mind, different experiences in the practice of yoga under different brand names and styles, different physical ability and limitation, personality, social background, educational level, profession, understanding, thinking, belief, desire and expectation to be in the same class. There's no authorization, certification or qualification involved for the learning and practice, or upon the end of learning and practice. As the presence and absence of ignorance and suffering is nothing to do with all the different qualities of names and forms.

Someone who is very strong and flexible and has good stamina, someone who is strong but not flexible, someone who is flexible but not strong, or someone who is not strong and not flexible and has no stamina, or someone who has good stamina, but is not strong and not flexible, they all just do what they can do, as they are, in the present moment, without attachment or identification, without judgment or expectation, without comparing or competing with others or with oneself in the different practice session. They might look or feel differently from one another while being in the same position or in the different positions, it's not important.

The asana position or the particular exercise has no quality or intention to be easy or difficult, to be gentle or intense, it's merely how everyone reacts differently towards the same or different asana poses or exercises depending on their physical condition, skill, stamina, strength and flexibility as well as their states of the mind in the present moment. And all is impermanent. Today is easy, tomorrow might be difficult, and vice versa. That will allow the mind to understand about everything is neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither meaningful nor meaningless, neither right nor wrong, but it's how their own mind reacts towards everything based on certain existing condition and influence in the mind.

It's all about developing right discrimination that leads towards non-separateness in the world of many diversities, that give rise to unconditional peace and harmony in oneself, that contributes peace and harmony into the surrounding environment. It is not coming from any particular quality of name and form to be determining whether there is the presence of peace, wisdom and compassion in the mind, or not, or whether the mind is free from ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness, or not, and is free from the suffering deriving from all that, or not.

The first few sessions are highly important. It's not so much about teaching some basic yoga poses, basic breathing exercises, basic chanting, basic concentration, or basic relaxation. But, it's to allow the minds to be opened, without expectation, even before learning to be performing any kind of yoga practice under certain names and forms, that might or might not initiate a tiny spark of 'awareness' or 'awakening' in the mind towards itself, that initiates or leads the mind onto the path of self-inquiry and self-realization, even if the mind is still very much under the influence of ignorance and egoism. Or else, even after many years of performing certain yoga practice in silence, or in mindfulness, regularly, and gaining all sorts of momentary health and fitness benefits, the mind might still have no idea towards what is yoga and the yoga practice.

Begin the yoga class with -

- Allowing the body and mind to be in a most relaxing position. What is the most relaxing position for different people with different physical condition, ability and limitation, can be very different from one another.

- Guiding the minds to be focusing on the basic abdominal breathing for a few moments, regardless of being in what kind of relaxing position, while letting the practitioners know that they can change the position at anytime if they start to feel discomfort being in a particular position for some time, even if it seemed to be the most comfortable position in the beginning. That is already the first lesson about direct experience towards the truth of impermanence and selflessness.

By observing the breath coming and going, will allow the mind to see the selfless impermanence in the breathing, where even if without the awareness towards the breath, the breath is still coming and going, and one day it will stop coming and going. Suffering will arise, if one just want to breathe in and doesn't want to breathe out, and vice versa, or not breathing in and not breathing out. Suffering will arise when the mind tries to control, or interfere, or go against the natural process of selfless impermanent changes. That basic understanding will eventually leads the mind towards seeing the selfless impermanence throughout the entire body as well as in the modification of the mind, where there is no 'I' throughout the body and the thinking mind. It's also the lesson about regardless of what position or movement, action or inaction, comfortable or uncomfortable, it is not important at all. All are impermanent. It doesn't determine whether a mind is peaceful, wise and compassionate, or not. Even the presence of ignorance and suffering in the mind is also limited and conditional, selfless and impermanent.

- Guiding the mind into relaxing the entire physical body part by part, by letting go any existing physical tension in the physical body as much as possible, which will also lead to release certain tension in the mind, allowing the mind to be relaxed. A relaxed mind will be more open and focus, as well as making it easier for understanding the basic and yet essential teachings of yoga, to be integrating the teachings into the yoga asana practice. It's not about 'achieving' relaxation, but more about 'letting go' tension, while allowing the body to be relaxed, or not, even though the two of them seem to be the same without any difference, but it will make a huge difference in the understanding of the mind. And it's okay, if after trying to relax the body, but the body is still unable to be relaxed, and learn how to not generating and accumulating unnecessary tension in the first place. It allows the mind to eventually understand what is performing action without attachment or expectation towards the action and the fruit of action, and not being determined by the action and the fruit of action.

It's about letting go the urge to be in control of or interfering with the law of nature. There's no need to be challenging the limitation of the limited conditional selfless body and mind, or forcing the body and mind to go beyond its limitation, in order to be achieving all one's boundless passionate desires, or constantly struggling to be going against natural selfless impermanent changes. One shouldn't be struggling even in the yoga practice, not to say, to be frustrated about something in the process of learning and performing certain yoga practice.

Such as, if the mind starts to be struggling or frustrating while trying to observe the breath, or while trying to focus and concentrate, then it is out of the practice already. It's about knowing and accepting that the mind cannot observe the breath, or couldn't focus and concentrate in this moment, and even this is also impermanent, it will change. No need to struggle or be frustrated about anything. Just try, and see what happens. If the mind wanders away, gently bring it back to the point of attention or concentration, without force or struggling, without judgment or expectation.

In the first initial class, and the next following classes, while teaching and guiding the minds to be performing certain basic yoga poses and exercises -

- Guiding the minds towards what is open-mindedness, non-blind believing, non-blind following, non-blind practicing, non-blind agreeing and disagreeing, where it is okay for the mind to be disagreeing towards certain teachings or practice, and doesn't like or doesn't want to practice certain teachings or practice that is contradicting towards the existing belief, values and practice in the mind, but more importantly, is not to be blind agreeing or blind disagreeing towards anything, but be opened to inquire the truth of everything, including all the teachings and practice of yoga, as well as all the existing belief, values and practice in the mind that is influencing how the mind thinks, believes and disbelieves, reasons, judges, feels, desires and doesn't desire, behaves, acting and reacting.

- Deliver about what is non-important or irrelevant and what is essential or relevant on the path of yoga towards the realization of unconditional peace and harmony deriving from correct understanding, or wisdom. This unconditional peace and harmony is not the same as the momentary pleasant satisfactory state of mind that is induced by certain physical and mental activities or drug usage, or upon coming in contact with pleasant, agreeable and desirable experiences, or upon the gratification of desires. Where all kinds of yoga practices are there merely to be helping the mind for developing and empowering the supportive elements of inner stamina, inner strength and inner flexibility for fueling the path of yoga, which is patience, determination, perseverance, forbearance, tolerance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, and etc.

Patience, forbearance, tolerance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation and accommodation is all about oneself being patient, forbearing, tolerant, accepting, adjustable, adaptable and accommodating towards something that is unpleasant, disagreeable or undesirable to the mind itself. It's not at all about coming from oneself expecting others to be patient, forbearing, tolerant, accepting, adjustable, adaptable and accommodating towards oneself for being unpleasant, disagreeable and undesirable to other minds.

It's also not about expecting understanding, agreement, sympathy or empathy from others towards one's imperfection or suffering. Most minds feel disturbed, unhappy, offended, hurt, unloved, left out or meaningless upon the absence of patience, forbearance, tolerance, acceptance, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, understanding, agreement, loving kindness, support, encouragement, console, sympathy and empathy from others towards one's suffering or imperfection, it's all because of the presence of expectation from oneself towards others should be showing all these names and forms unto oneself, instead of oneself is being free from such expectation, and allowing others to show all these names and forms towards the suffering or imperfection in oneself and/or others, or not.

What the body can do or cannot do, can achieve or cannot achieve, and what the mind can understand or cannot understand, knows and doesn't know, has or doesn't have, feels or doesn't feel, likes or doesn't like, agrees with and doesn't agree with, is not important at all. It's about do what is possible now, and letting go what is impossible now. What is possible and impossible in this moment, are also impermanent. It's about respecting the truth of selflessness and impermanence.

It's about performing the practice according to the physical condition and the state of the mind in the present moment now, which is impermanent. Accepting the selfless body and the selfless modification of the mind in the present moment now as they are, allowing them to change, as they are, and accepting all the selfless impermanent changes as they are.

It is not about the yoga poses, or the physical alignment, or the effects of the practice. It's not about the enhancement of physical health and fitness condition, ability, strength and flexibility. It's not about learning to perform some basic yoga asana practice, and then learning to do some intermediate yoga asana practice, and then learning to do some challenging and complicated advanced yoga asana practice, and then learning to do more challenging and more complicated more advanced asana practice, keeps on pushing the body beyond its limitation, until the body and mind breakdown or suffer. One doesn't need to push the body and mind beyond its limitation until suffering from certain physical injuries or until death, in order to be aware of the ego and egoism, to be aware of the modification of the mind, to be aware of impermanence and selflessness, and to be free from ignorance and suffering.

It's about knowing what is going on in the mind and how the mind reacts towards everything via the middle path. It's the implementation of non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-comparison, non-judgment and non-expectation, that will be thinning out the idea of 'I' and egoism, that leads to self-inquiry and self-realization towards the truth of impermanence and selflessness.

- Deliver the basic essential teachings of yoga about letting go the idea of 'I'. It's not 'I' am learning and performing the yoga practice. It's the selfless physical body with the selfless thinking mind is learning and performing the yoga practice.

- Deliver about non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion, non-comparison, non-judgment, and non-expectation towards the action of learning and practice and towards the fruit or the effect of all kinds of actions that is different from moment to moment, while teaching the different minds under different personal experiences, physical conditions, ability and limitation, and states of the mind, without discrimination, superiority or inferiority. Where different bodies and different states of the mind have different reaction towards the different or same practices on different timings or in different practice sessions. And everyone learns to take responsibility towards their own desire and don't desire, action and reaction, and the consequences of their desires, actions and reactions, as well as take responsibility towards looking after their own mind and over-all well-being.

Allowing the mind to have the direct experience towards being aware of and observing the selfless impermanent different physical sensations and different states of the mind in different positions or different practices, of all kinds of random thoughts, ideas, imaginations, memories, anticipations, fear, worry, happiness, unhappiness, hopes, despairs, disappointment, intimidation, self-esteem, pride, frustration, irritation, painful sorrow, hurts, offensiveness, defensiveness, anger, hatred, greed, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, and the spontaneous reactions in the mind towards all the selfless impermanent effects and changes arising, changing, and passing away in the physical body and the thinking mind during the entire process of learning and practicing, without attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison or expectation, while attaining direct experience towards the truth of impermanence and selflessness, during and after the process of learning and practicing.

- Without empowering the egoism or the idea of 'I' in the minds, but guiding them on how to be free from egoism and the idea of 'I', to attain mental and emotional independence, free from craving and aversion, not being determined by the presence or absence of attention, acknowledgement, encouragement, praise and compliment, not being determined by the actions and the fruit of actions, not being determined by duality of goodness and badness, positiveness and negativeness, pleasantness and unpleasantness, agreements and disagreements, desire and don't desire, happiness and unhappiness, meaningfulness and meaninglessness, and etc. And eventually, not to be determined by the specific thinking, belief, values and practice in the mind to think, judge, behave, act and react in certain way.

- It's up to the minds themselves towards what they want or don't want to practice. It's everyone's freedom for what they want and don't want. They can put aside whatever they don't want to practice in the present moment now, but then, be open minded, as they might want to pick them up later.

From then on in all the yoga classes, all kinds of different physical and mental practices being introduced, taught, learned and practiced in the yoga classes, are all about mind purification and self-discipline, and maybe some other helpful observations that lead the mind towards the weakening, or thinning out, or eradication of ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness. It's not about attaining the momentary benefits or effects of the different practices, but allowing the benefits or effects being there, or not, as they are, and they are impermanent, and they cannot determined whether the mind will be free from ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness, or not, to attain self-realization and be free from suffering, or not.

After learning the basic essential teachings and practices, under the presence of correct understanding, right effort, self-independence, self-control and self-discipline, one stops attending yoga classes and begins self-practice in solitude, and in everyday life.

One doesn't need to be doing any yoga poses, or breathing exercises, or chanting, or ritual, or specific method of meditation to be attaining self-realization, or to be free from suffering, or to be peaceful, wise and compassionate, although all kinds of practices served as the helpful tools.

While the essential teachings and practice of eradicating ignorance, egoism, impurities and restlessness is being practiced in everyday life, at anytime and anywhere, with or without performing specific type of yoga practice under certain names and forms, in all kinds of actions, dealings, ties and connections, relationships, communications, interactions and activities, where the mind is aware of what is going on in the mind, without grasping or attachment, without identification or association, without craving or aversion, without comparison or judgment, and with expectation. Being at peace, content, fearless and worryless under any conditions or situations, being undetermined and undisturbed by any pleasant and unpleasant, agreeable and disagreeable, desirable and undesirable life experiences.

Inquire the truth of everything.

My life stories - Part 17 (Uncertainty - That's life, and it's okay)

My life Stories – Part 17 (Uncertainty - That's life, and it's okay)
Stories from my past memories – childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams come true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now…

Before we came to France, we had contacted the French embassy in Kuala Lumpur to enquire about the legal procedure for me as the non-European spouse of an European citizen to be residing in France, regarding whether I needed to apply for a long term visa for entering France among some other things.

They said that as the spouse of an European citizen moving to France with my European husband, I don't need a long term visa to enter France. I just needed to enter France as a tourist and then apply for the resident card in France within 90 days after arrival. We also checked online for getting ready all the required documents for applying the resident card.

We wanted to apply for the resident card as soon as possible during the first week after we arrived. Being unsure about many things, we went to the sub-prefecture here to inquire about it, and we were being told that we needed to get to the main branch in Annecy for applying the resident card, but before that can happen, we needed to wait until my husband has renewed his old Health Medical Card, which afterwards we found out over the counter on the day when we went for the appointment that this procedure is unnecessary as my husband is actively being employed in France. Didn't know that it was a misinformation being given to us, we had followed the instructions from that officer. And hence, we waited until my husband renewed the Health Medical Card after receiving his first payslip, which then would take many weeks for it to be processed. And after that, we needed to make an online appointment reservation via the website that was being introduced due to the pandemic.

We didn't want to wait until two months later for us to start trying to get an appointment. As soon as he sent off the documents for renewing his Health Medical Card upon receiving his first payslip in the beginning of March, we started trying to get an appointment for applying the resident card, however, it wasn't easy at all.

We were told by the officer in the sub-prefecture office that we should try to make an appointment through the website on Sunday nights at 12 midnight. We didn't understand why it has to be at midnight hour and only available on Sundays, but we just follow his advice. Not just that we have tried to make a reservation for an appointment on Sunday midnight, but we also tried on different days and different timing, and we still couldn't even get through the first step which is about the available date and time slots. We have been trying a few times everyday for a few weeks and we still couldn't get an appointment. And apparently, it's not possible to make a phone call to talk to someone.

It was quite unsettling for us, as I might need to fly out of France and Europe if I still couldn't get an appointment before the deadline of 90 days after arrival. It would cost a lot of money and troubles to be travelling during the pandemic which was still going strong in many countries at that time.

Since it's not possible to just make a phone call to enquire about anything, we made an effort to re-visit the sub-prefecture on my husband's off day, to see if we can find out about what can we do, if we still couldn't get an appointment, however, the one and only officer who is responsible for administrating the foreigners affair, was on holiday for that whole week. While the other people who are working there 'refuse' to take any of our questions even before we asked anything, by saying that it's not their department's responsibility. And so, we came back empty handed, and continuing trying to get onto the website to get an appointment. And nothing changed.

Meanwhile, I was also looking at flights and entry requirements in different countries for travelling amid the pandemic, about where can I fly to at the minimal cost, if I still couldn't get an appointment closer to the deadline. I was ready to just go somewhere, anywhere, if that's the way it has to be. This life journey has been teaching this mind that it doesn't need to fight against any difficulties, but just do its best to move on by gliding through the difficulties, allowing the current to bring it to where it is.

Then we looked at the website again to see if we can find some useful information, then only my husband found a contact form after browsing the website for some time, and sent a message via the contact form explaining about our situation. Surprisingly, we got an email reply on the same day telling us that the reservation slots will only be opened between 8 and 9 in the morning on Mondays.

And so, we waited for the upcoming Monday to come, and got onto the website even before 8 am. At last, we managed to make an appointment. There were less than 40 slots available for that particular week, and they all were gone within the first few minutes. No wonder we couldn't make a reservation after trying so many times. It reminded me about the time when we tried to make an appointment for the AZ vaccination in Malaysia where all the available slots were gone in less than half an hour as millions of people were racing to get an appointment for early vaccination.

Many people were so disappointed at that time as they couldn't get an appointment after trying very hard to get one, and then, they had to go through many months of uncertainty while waiting to receive their appointment date set by the health ministry department, by checking their status many times everyday, not knowing whether they will be getting an appointment for sure, as there was rumour about there were not enough vaccine for everyone, or when will they get it, while seeing some others who were younger were getting their appointment and vaccination done, but they themselves still haven't received an appointment after many months of waiting. The anxiety level was building up for many people who were anxiously waiting to receive their appointment, as there was no confidence and trust at all towards the 'messy' government at that time. Ironically, there were other people in many other countries in the world rejecting any kind of vaccination out of their own particular reasons, and the governments have been throwing out their expired unused vaccines. And that's their freedom.

Meanwhile, the earliest dates that we could get an appointment for applying the resident card were a few weeks after my 90 days deadline. And hence, immediately, my husband sent another email to them explaining about the situation of whether there will be any complication for me since I couldn't start applying for the resident card within the 90 days deadline due to the difficulty of booking the appointment slots. And very efficiently, they replied within a few hours, saying that they understood the complication that many people have been going through, and would take the confirmation email with the date of making the reservation for the appointment before the deadline as part of the application procedure, which means that I don't need to leave France. What a relief after two months of uncertainty trying to find a living space and dealing with legal documentation. That's life. And it's okay.

Finally, the appointment day arrived. We took the train to Annecy on the day before and stayed one night at the Hotel des Alpes (highly recommended for its cleanliness, friendly staff, and excellent location), to make sure that we won't miss the appointment due to any reasons, since it's very difficult to get an appointment. The next morning, we went to the Prefecture half an hour earlier than the appointment time, and got our numbers. After waiting for a few minutes, we were called.

It was a really fast and warm experience, maybe because we had prepared the few documents (both original and copy) that is needed for the application in the exact order that they asked for. The officer who attended our files, was really friendly, helpful and funny, which we normally don't see in some countries' government departments where most of the officers are very 'formal', or even 'shouting' at the people who are anxious and confused about many overly complicated procedures. She was really 'impressed' that we even had kept our flight tickets that show which date that we arrived in France. It was a complete opposite governmental affair experience from where I came from. After checking all our documents, we got our 'temporary' resident card being issued immediately, and I can now officially live and work in France. Usually the resident card will be ready within six months, but due to the past two years of pandemic, there are backlogs and delays in processing and issuing the resident card, but it's not a problem at all, said the officer. We can just go directly to the Prefecture in the afternoon without making appointment to renew the temporary card, if we still haven't received our resident card within six months. The entire application process took less than 30 minutes for both our applications. Thank you, France.

The world just needs more openness and humanity to make life easier and simpler for everyone. However, due to survival instinct on top of the political influenced racial and national identity, that is propagating selfishness and discrimination, more and more human beings in different areas in the world are heading towards the opposite of openness and humanity, which they don't realize that it will only lead towards many different types of complication and difficulty in all and everyone, including themselves.

We just do our best to make things work, if possible, and let it be.

Thank you.