There are many times readers come to Be Happy's blog through this search word "Why do we practice yoga"...
I had wrote an article about this topic before, but here are a few points that we can share again due to the world is changing rapidly fast...
Yoga practice is for all types of people or beings with different characteristics, personalities, believes, motives and expectations or desires...
Whatever we think yoga is, whatever we want yoga to be, or however we want to be benefited from yoga practice, whether for selfish intention or for selfless intention, it is fine. Yoga is there for us for anything that we desire (what we want) or do not desire (what we don't want)...
Some people do the yoga asana exercises as a fitness exercise to look good and feel good; for sustaining and improving physical and mental health and fitness; for slimming or to put on weight; for countering illnesses; for easier breathing; for detoxification remove toxic substances from our system; for countering stress; for better quality of sleep; for rehabilitation from physical and emotional injuries; for having better body alignments and posture; for over-all beauty and sense of well-being; for personal satisfaction and achievements; for passing time; for removing boredom or loneliness; for building self-esteem or confidence; for coming out from certain addictions; for healing purposes; for exploring and unfolding "things" beyond what our mind can perceive; for playing with the energy fields in our body; for attaining calmness and peacefulness; for relaxation; for creativity; for self-image; for socializing; for finding the better half; for pleasing somebody; for humanity; for ourselves; for the world; for being able to stand on our hands and our head, or to be able to bring our feet towards our head from behind; or mainly out of curiosity to try it out, since it is quite a popular "thing to do" and "topic to gossip about"; for fun; or just to do "something", and etc...
Some people do yoga asana for the purpose of balancing, purifying and calming the energy fields; stimulating and energizing the energy centres; unblocked any energy blockage; channeling the energy for higher spiritual realization; generate and conserving energy; changing the habits of the mind; changing how the mind feels and thinks; developing concentration, awareness and mindfulness; developing non-identification with the body and mind, letting go of the ego; letting go of judgment, comparison and expectation; letting go of pride and arrogance; letting go of discontentment and greed; letting go of craving and aversion; letting go of frustration, anger and hatred; developing patience, forbearance, non-attachment, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, cheerfulness, vitality, acceptance, and etc; being in the present moment now, accepting the present moment now as it is, accepting ourselves as we are in the present moment now as it is; letting go of physical, mental and emotional tensions; letting go of jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anxiety, agitation, depression, negative thinking, low self-esteem, fear and worry; removing restlessness; purifying the mind remove impurities, and etc..., as part of the yoga practice, to prepare the body and mind for meditation to contemplate on the Truth of who we really are, to realize selflessness or compassion, and be free from ignorance and suffering that derived from ignorance, and realize eternal and unconditional peace, transcending birth and death, worldly existence, names and forms, qualities and dualities...
Beside the yoga asana as part of yoga practice, yoga practice consists of but not limiting to - observing ethical moral conducts (Yama & Niyama); restraining wants and desires; renunciation from worldly activities; renounce from the fruit of actions; restricting senses inputs; controlling the thoughts, actions and speech; performing Japas, Bhajans, Kirtans, chantings and prayers; performing Kriyas; study and contemplating on the Yoga Scriptures or the teachings of yoga; practice loving kindness, forgiveness, tolerance, honesty, truthfulness, simplicity, compassion, wisdom, dispassion, detachment, solitude, silence, austerity, celibacy, selfless service, faith and devotion towards the Truth and the universal consciousness, breath control - Pranayama, withdrawal of the senses from the objects of the senses - Pratyahara, concentration - Dharana, meditation - Dhyana, and annihilation of the mind - Samadhi...
There are also many other unlimited intentions, motives and expectations in people who practice yoga or just the yoga asana exercises, such as :-
To teach yoga exercises as livelihood, or to start yoga school(s) or yoga centre(s) as a money making business, to attain wealth, name and fame, or mainly to share the greatness of yoga with many other beings...
To train the body and mind to be able to do some artistic or acrobatic moves for show performances, or as personal achievement and satisfaction, or for entertainment, or for competition, or for taking photos or making videos to share with others or to make some profits, or for any other reasons...
To enhance memories, brains activities, mind's clarity, productivity and creativity...
To improve relationship, quality of life and quality of work...
To be able to sleep better, to balance up imbalanced hormones, to deal with everyday stress and frustration...
To tap the power of thoughts to make our wishes come true...
To let go of physical, mental or emotional pain, hurts and suffering...
To be a better person or human being...
To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty...
To be open-minded...
To be able to receive and give...
To be able to love and receive love...
To accept ourselves...
To be ourselves...
To love ourselves...
To be kind and compassionate towards ourselves and other beings...
To be what we want to be even if we think we are not "good" at it...
To be happy...
To be truly confident...
To know the truth of suffering...
To know the truth of existence...
To know who we really are...
To connect with the source in us...
To be pure...
To be free, to be liberated...
For humanity and world peace...
Or just be...
Om shanti.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Develop self yoga practice outside of yoga classes or yoga centres, beyond names and forms, time and space...
Real yoga practice starts in our own home, in our every moment living space. We should be able to develop self-practice at home, at work, at play, during holiday, being alone or being with somebody, when we are busy or when we are free, because yoga is not to be found only in yoga classes or yoga centres, but in our everyday living space, not separated from our everyday life experiences. Yoga practice is in our heart, in our living space, in our work place, in our playground, on the street, in the shopping malls, in the nature, in the world, wherever our awareness is, in this present moment...
Yoga practice is there when our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind come in contact with the objects of the senses, where the perception of names and forms and qualities begins, where judgment and comparison of good and bad begins, where craving and aversion towards what we like and dislike, agree and disagree, want and don't want begins, where impurities arising and passing away... Every moment purifying our mind, and letting go of the ego...
And yoga practice is not just limited in doing some yoga asana exercises... It's about dispassion, detachment, self-control and self-independence, which are found in our every moment of existence and awareness, unlimited by names and forms, time and space...
What stop us from having self asana practice at home, is self-discipline... It's not about limited space or having distractions from other people who live in the same house, or distractions from all sorts of comforts, enjoyments, interactions and inputs from TV, phones, Internet access, emails, facebook, neighbours and friends, and etc... Even in the tiny space in the kitchen or in the hallway can also be our practice ground... It is an excuse, if we say there is no space in our house for asana practice... If we are really determined, we can let go of the space for the TV or the couch, and make room for a space for our practice...
If everyday we can give ourselves a few moments to be away from Internet access (emailing or chatting or blogging or facebooking), not watching TV, not listening to radio or music, switch off the phone, not reading novels, magazines or newspapers, not talking, not socializing, not speculating or planning anything, not try to do something, just be in the present moment, whether sitting, or lying, or standing, or walking, observe our mind, our thoughts, observe our body and mind's reactions for being restricted, observe our natural breath, no need to perform any asana exercises, no need to have a specific space for any physical practice, letting go of what we think we cannot let go, letting go of all the identifications with what we think who we are, not try to be somebody, not try to be good or bad, not looking for peace and happiness, and those are the great moments of yoga practice...
There is nothing wrong with practicing yoga under a teacher's guidance and doing yoga practice under instructions in yoga classes provided by yoga centres and yoga schools... Especially for those who have no idea what is yoga and what are the practices...
If we think we cannot practice yoga at home, and need to be in a yoga class or yoga centre to practice "yoga", so that we can be temporary move away from our life and duties, so that we can do what we are told to do, depending or relying on the yoga teacher to give us instructions on what to do now and what to do next, then we still haven't connected with the real yoga practice yet, even though everyday, or a few times weekly or monthly we spend 1 or 2 hours in yoga classes in yoga centres, following the instructions of the yoga teacher, doing some "yoga practices"...
If we still need to depend or rely on yoga teachers to give us instructions to be practicing yoga, or rely on the teacher to tell us are we "good" or "not good", or depending on the space in a yoga studio to provide a suitable space for us to practice yoga, even though after years and years of going to yoga classes, then know that we are not getting any further than where we were from the start, even though physically and mentally we are getting some benefits from doing all the physical yoga exercises in the yoga classes, and our body and mind feels great after the yoga classes. We might be practicing yoga for many years but we are still not really peaceful, we are not free from being over-powered by low self-esteem, craving and aversion, anger and disappointment, fear and worries...
It's because we are still attached to the body and mind, still identifying with the body and mind looking for pleasant sensations and good feelings coming from the yoga exercises... There is nothing wrong with this idea of "in love with doing yoga exercises for getting good feelings and pleasant sensations", but know that this is also a form of attachment and craving... Once we don't get to do some yoga exercises, our body and mind feels bad and being agitated... We should learn to go beyond attachment towards the momentary conditional pleasantness coming from doing yoga exercises.
Anyone, after going for some yoga classes learning from yoga teachers, we should be able to develop self-practice already. It is about developing inner observation, self-awareness, self-discipline and non-attachment...
If after many years of learning and practicing "yoga" in yoga classes or yoga centres, and still cannot have self-practice without being in yoga classes or yoga studios, without getting instructions from yoga teachers, then obviously we didn't learn anything at all in those years of "learning" and "practicing" yoga...
No doubts that even there are many yoga teachers still have to go to other people's classes, continue in attending courses after courses, upgrading and improving themselves in all aspects, because we are not "free" yet, we are still learning and being humble, and want to improve in our own practice and our teaching skill... This is nothing wrong... But no matter how many classes and courses that we have attended, it all comes back to our own self-practice and self-realization that derived from self-discipline, self-control and self-awareness that will free us from ignorance, the cause of restlessness and unpeacefulness and be free...
Only in those who are already free, all actions ceased... There's no "teaching", no "learning", no "practicing", even though the actions of teaching, learning and practicing are there... There's no more differences or separateness between actions and inactions...
If there is no "pain", do we still need to do something to remove "pain"?
If our sense of well-being or self-worth or confidence or happiness is coming from how successful we can perform the asana poses that we couldn't perform before, or how many yoga asana poses that we can perform, or how good we look and feel while performing the asana poses, or how good we look and feel after performing the asana poses, or how much we are benefited from the asana poses physically, mentally and emotionally, then we are still a great distance away from our true Self... It indicates that we are identified with the body and mind, and is identified as the doer and the enjoyer of the actions and inactions generated by the body and mind...
We are not the body, we are not the mind. The body is not us, the mind is not us. The thinking, the sensations, the feelings are not us. We are not the thinking, the sensations, the feelings...
We are neither the doer nor the enjoyer of all the actions and inactions... There is neither gain nor loss...
Om shanti.
Yoga practice is there when our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind come in contact with the objects of the senses, where the perception of names and forms and qualities begins, where judgment and comparison of good and bad begins, where craving and aversion towards what we like and dislike, agree and disagree, want and don't want begins, where impurities arising and passing away... Every moment purifying our mind, and letting go of the ego...
And yoga practice is not just limited in doing some yoga asana exercises... It's about dispassion, detachment, self-control and self-independence, which are found in our every moment of existence and awareness, unlimited by names and forms, time and space...
What stop us from having self asana practice at home, is self-discipline... It's not about limited space or having distractions from other people who live in the same house, or distractions from all sorts of comforts, enjoyments, interactions and inputs from TV, phones, Internet access, emails, facebook, neighbours and friends, and etc... Even in the tiny space in the kitchen or in the hallway can also be our practice ground... It is an excuse, if we say there is no space in our house for asana practice... If we are really determined, we can let go of the space for the TV or the couch, and make room for a space for our practice...
If everyday we can give ourselves a few moments to be away from Internet access (emailing or chatting or blogging or facebooking), not watching TV, not listening to radio or music, switch off the phone, not reading novels, magazines or newspapers, not talking, not socializing, not speculating or planning anything, not try to do something, just be in the present moment, whether sitting, or lying, or standing, or walking, observe our mind, our thoughts, observe our body and mind's reactions for being restricted, observe our natural breath, no need to perform any asana exercises, no need to have a specific space for any physical practice, letting go of what we think we cannot let go, letting go of all the identifications with what we think who we are, not try to be somebody, not try to be good or bad, not looking for peace and happiness, and those are the great moments of yoga practice...
There is nothing wrong with practicing yoga under a teacher's guidance and doing yoga practice under instructions in yoga classes provided by yoga centres and yoga schools... Especially for those who have no idea what is yoga and what are the practices...
If we think we cannot practice yoga at home, and need to be in a yoga class or yoga centre to practice "yoga", so that we can be temporary move away from our life and duties, so that we can do what we are told to do, depending or relying on the yoga teacher to give us instructions on what to do now and what to do next, then we still haven't connected with the real yoga practice yet, even though everyday, or a few times weekly or monthly we spend 1 or 2 hours in yoga classes in yoga centres, following the instructions of the yoga teacher, doing some "yoga practices"...
If we still need to depend or rely on yoga teachers to give us instructions to be practicing yoga, or rely on the teacher to tell us are we "good" or "not good", or depending on the space in a yoga studio to provide a suitable space for us to practice yoga, even though after years and years of going to yoga classes, then know that we are not getting any further than where we were from the start, even though physically and mentally we are getting some benefits from doing all the physical yoga exercises in the yoga classes, and our body and mind feels great after the yoga classes. We might be practicing yoga for many years but we are still not really peaceful, we are not free from being over-powered by low self-esteem, craving and aversion, anger and disappointment, fear and worries...
It's because we are still attached to the body and mind, still identifying with the body and mind looking for pleasant sensations and good feelings coming from the yoga exercises... There is nothing wrong with this idea of "in love with doing yoga exercises for getting good feelings and pleasant sensations", but know that this is also a form of attachment and craving... Once we don't get to do some yoga exercises, our body and mind feels bad and being agitated... We should learn to go beyond attachment towards the momentary conditional pleasantness coming from doing yoga exercises.
Anyone, after going for some yoga classes learning from yoga teachers, we should be able to develop self-practice already. It is about developing inner observation, self-awareness, self-discipline and non-attachment...
If after many years of learning and practicing "yoga" in yoga classes or yoga centres, and still cannot have self-practice without being in yoga classes or yoga studios, without getting instructions from yoga teachers, then obviously we didn't learn anything at all in those years of "learning" and "practicing" yoga...
No doubts that even there are many yoga teachers still have to go to other people's classes, continue in attending courses after courses, upgrading and improving themselves in all aspects, because we are not "free" yet, we are still learning and being humble, and want to improve in our own practice and our teaching skill... This is nothing wrong... But no matter how many classes and courses that we have attended, it all comes back to our own self-practice and self-realization that derived from self-discipline, self-control and self-awareness that will free us from ignorance, the cause of restlessness and unpeacefulness and be free...
Only in those who are already free, all actions ceased... There's no "teaching", no "learning", no "practicing", even though the actions of teaching, learning and practicing are there... There's no more differences or separateness between actions and inactions...
If there is no "pain", do we still need to do something to remove "pain"?
If our sense of well-being or self-worth or confidence or happiness is coming from how successful we can perform the asana poses that we couldn't perform before, or how many yoga asana poses that we can perform, or how good we look and feel while performing the asana poses, or how good we look and feel after performing the asana poses, or how much we are benefited from the asana poses physically, mentally and emotionally, then we are still a great distance away from our true Self... It indicates that we are identified with the body and mind, and is identified as the doer and the enjoyer of the actions and inactions generated by the body and mind...
We are not the body, we are not the mind. The body is not us, the mind is not us. The thinking, the sensations, the feelings are not us. We are not the thinking, the sensations, the feelings...
We are neither the doer nor the enjoyer of all the actions and inactions... There is neither gain nor loss...
Om shanti.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Additional notes for "Confused relationship mixed with love and hatred?"
Additional notes for "Confused relationship mixed with love and hatred?":
Feelings always changing... It's impermanent. That's why sometimes we feel love, sometimes we don't feel love... It's normal.
Unconditional love is being kind and compassionate towards any beings without selfish desires, selfish intention, judgment, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, expectation and attachment... It's selfless and unconditional...
There's no differences between us and everyone else. We love everyone including ourselves. There's no differences between "my" family or not "my" family, "my" friend or not "my" friend, people whom I know or don't know, people whom I like or don't like, people whom I agree with or disagree with, people whom I think they are good or not good.
And we do not expect love, gratitude and appreciation in return. There is no anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, unhappiness in compassionate love. Just like the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space are always there giving and providing all the necessary elements and energy for everything to be exist in the universe, without any desires, intention or judgment or comparison or expectation or likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... They never ask anything in return...
They don't get upset and angry or disappointed when the people polluting the earth, the water and the air. The space doesn't mind when people start to think that they "possess" the space as their own private space. The wind doesn't mind that the people harvest the wind and make money out of it... The sun doesn't get upset when people condemn the sun is too hot or too much, causing them skin cancer or skin burn... The sun has no intention to benefit anyone to be exist, nor cause anyone discomfort or painful suffering... The sun has no expectation that anyone will be grateful and thankful for its contribution for everything to be exist in the universe... (If we don't want to get skin burn or skin cancer, we take responsibility for ourselves, don't stay under the sun for too long...)
They are always there providing and giving for everything to be exist in this universe... It doesn't matter what are the reactions or judgments coming from the beings about the water is too much or too little, the air is too strong or too weak, the sun is too much or too little, the earth is too soft or too hard, the space is too big or too small...
Selfish passionate love comes with our selfish desires, intention, judgment, expectation, and possessiveness... Expect "my..." to be there for me, support me, love me, appreciate me, take care of me, to be grateful and thankful for "what I did for you and how much I love you..." and etc...
When our desires are not being gratified, when we don't get what we want from "my...", we get upset, angry, unhappy, disappointed...
Passionate love based on qualities, names and forms that I like and want. If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I like about you, then I feel love for you... If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I don't like about you, I don't feel love for you, I feel disgusting for you...
If you do things and say things that I like and agree with, I am happy and I love you... If you do things and say things that I don't like and don't agree with, I am angry and I hate you...
In selfish passionate love, we only love something that we like and agree with, but we cannot love something that we don't like and disagree with...
Compassionate love is beyond all qualities, names and forms... No love, no hate... Beyond likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... We don't have to love or hate anything or anyone... We accept and respect everything and everyone as it is...
If we can love "our" family, "our" friends, "our" parents, "our" siblings, "our" girlfriend or boyfriend, out of compassion, there is no unhappiness, anger or disappointment... We don't own them, and they have no obligation to love us or satisfy our desires or to make us happy... Even if someone we love doesn't love us at all, it doesn't matter... We won't feel hurt from not getting the love that we want... If we are compassionate... We don't need to get love from anyone, because we are love itself...
We have no desire for anyone to give us love... We don't need to... There are unlimited or abundance of love in us already... And we can love anyone without expectation...
That's why selfish possessive type of passionate love relationship ends up sour and bitter, full of anger, hatred, unhappiness and disappointment... It's because our desires are not being fulfilled... We didn't get what we want... The relationship didn't turn out the way that we want... "My..." didn't treat me or behave the way that I want them to treat me or behave...
You see, it's all come from what "I" want and what "I" like... We make ourselves suffer and unhappy... It's not the people that we love or people in the relationship with us that make us suffer and not happy...
Om shanti...
Feelings always changing... It's impermanent. That's why sometimes we feel love, sometimes we don't feel love... It's normal.
Unconditional love is being kind and compassionate towards any beings without selfish desires, selfish intention, judgment, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, expectation and attachment... It's selfless and unconditional...
There's no differences between us and everyone else. We love everyone including ourselves. There's no differences between "my" family or not "my" family, "my" friend or not "my" friend, people whom I know or don't know, people whom I like or don't like, people whom I agree with or disagree with, people whom I think they are good or not good.
And we do not expect love, gratitude and appreciation in return. There is no anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, unhappiness in compassionate love. Just like the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space are always there giving and providing all the necessary elements and energy for everything to be exist in the universe, without any desires, intention or judgment or comparison or expectation or likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... They never ask anything in return...
They don't get upset and angry or disappointed when the people polluting the earth, the water and the air. The space doesn't mind when people start to think that they "possess" the space as their own private space. The wind doesn't mind that the people harvest the wind and make money out of it... The sun doesn't get upset when people condemn the sun is too hot or too much, causing them skin cancer or skin burn... The sun has no intention to benefit anyone to be exist, nor cause anyone discomfort or painful suffering... The sun has no expectation that anyone will be grateful and thankful for its contribution for everything to be exist in the universe... (If we don't want to get skin burn or skin cancer, we take responsibility for ourselves, don't stay under the sun for too long...)
They are always there providing and giving for everything to be exist in this universe... It doesn't matter what are the reactions or judgments coming from the beings about the water is too much or too little, the air is too strong or too weak, the sun is too much or too little, the earth is too soft or too hard, the space is too big or too small...
Selfish passionate love comes with our selfish desires, intention, judgment, expectation, and possessiveness... Expect "my..." to be there for me, support me, love me, appreciate me, take care of me, to be grateful and thankful for "what I did for you and how much I love you..." and etc...
When our desires are not being gratified, when we don't get what we want from "my...", we get upset, angry, unhappy, disappointed...
Passionate love based on qualities, names and forms that I like and want. If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I like about you, then I feel love for you... If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I don't like about you, I don't feel love for you, I feel disgusting for you...
If you do things and say things that I like and agree with, I am happy and I love you... If you do things and say things that I don't like and don't agree with, I am angry and I hate you...
In selfish passionate love, we only love something that we like and agree with, but we cannot love something that we don't like and disagree with...
Compassionate love is beyond all qualities, names and forms... No love, no hate... Beyond likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... We don't have to love or hate anything or anyone... We accept and respect everything and everyone as it is...
If we can love "our" family, "our" friends, "our" parents, "our" siblings, "our" girlfriend or boyfriend, out of compassion, there is no unhappiness, anger or disappointment... We don't own them, and they have no obligation to love us or satisfy our desires or to make us happy... Even if someone we love doesn't love us at all, it doesn't matter... We won't feel hurt from not getting the love that we want... If we are compassionate... We don't need to get love from anyone, because we are love itself...
We have no desire for anyone to give us love... We don't need to... There are unlimited or abundance of love in us already... And we can love anyone without expectation...
That's why selfish possessive type of passionate love relationship ends up sour and bitter, full of anger, hatred, unhappiness and disappointment... It's because our desires are not being fulfilled... We didn't get what we want... The relationship didn't turn out the way that we want... "My..." didn't treat me or behave the way that I want them to treat me or behave...
You see, it's all come from what "I" want and what "I" like... We make ourselves suffer and unhappy... It's not the people that we love or people in the relationship with us that make us suffer and not happy...
Om shanti...
Friday, March 2, 2012
Confused relationship mixed with love and hatred?
Lately there are some readers find Be Happy's Blog through this search word - "confused relationship mixed with love and hatred"...
We might be interested to know about "love and hatred in relationship", maybe it is coming from our own life experience or from other people's life experience, it is beneficial for anyone and any relationships for us to know about why a love relationship can turn sour and bitter, and have hatred towards our partner and the relationship...
From the point of view of Yoga teachings about the mind, the ego, the feelings, desires, ignorance, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, attachments, suffering, compassion and the law of impermanence, here are some explanations why there are quite many confused relationships mixed with love and hatred in the world...
Before we can love another person and get into relationship with anyone, we need to have love in ourselves. We are able to love ourselves and are happy with ourselves as we are, and not having expectation that our lover or partner will make us happy or expect the relationship will give us love and happiness...
To love ourselves, we need to be able to accept ourselves as we are in the present moment as it is... Then only we can love ourselves and be happy with our own self as we are... If we cannot accept ourselves as we are, and don't know how to love ourselves, how is it possible for us to accept other people as they are and know how to love other people as they are? If we are not peaceful and have no love, how can we share peace and love with others?
We will be very disappointed by our own expectation, and the relationship will definitely turn sour and bitter if we expect our lover or partner or the relationship to give us love and happiness, to make us happy and be loved... It's because nobody and no relationship can give us love and happiness... Love and happiness is coming from within ourselves, loving ourselves as we are and accepting ourselves as we are, whether we are in a relationship with someone or not...
If we don't have love in ourselves and are not happy with our own self as we are, and trying to get love and happiness from other people or from relationship to get rid of the incompleteness and emptiness in us, then no matter how much our partner love us and be nice to us, we will never be satisfied and happy...
At the beginning of a relationship, two people must be in love with each other and decided to be in a relationship sharing life together.
But, as time goes by, impermanence strikes... Physical condition changes, appearance changes, abilities change, mentality changes, things change, environment changes, the state of mind changes, feelings change, hormones change, likes and dislikes change, what we want and don't want change...
After spending some time together getting to know each other deeper, exposing our real personality in front of our partner, we realize that we don't really like or love our partner as much as before, because we start to see the qualities in our partner that we don't like about... The feeling of love become lesser and lesser, and one day, it's completely gone... We are not in love with him or her anymore... It's heartbreaking for our partner to know that we are not in love with them anymore, if they are still in love with us... They might get upset and be angry with us... And they have the rights and should be allowed to be upset and angry with us...
Even when we feel in love with our partner more than before as time goes by, that is because we start to see more qualities in our partner that we like about...
This is definitely nothing wrong... It is the Truth of impermanence.
It is also the Truth of "We don't really love anyone at all, but we only fell in love with some qualities that we like and agree with in that person at that moment... Maybe it's the physical body, the face, the entire appearance, the sexuality, the energy field, the personality, the way that he or she talks and moves, the way that he or she treats us, what he or she does, what he or she likes and dislikes, what he or she believes, how he or she thinks, and etc..."
Once those qualities in our lover or partner changed into something different from what we like and want, or when what we like and want has changed, we like and want something else, then we don't feel love or interest in this person anymore... And from then, everything that our partner do and say will annoy us easily and this will turn into feelings of disgust and hatred towards our partner and the relationship...
When we are still in love with the qualities in our lover or partner, everything that our lover or partner say and do is nice and positive... When we stop loving the qualities in our lover or partner, then everything that our partner say and do is not nice and negative...
Our partner and the relationship doesn't have the qualities or intention to make us happy or not happy, to give us love or not... It is the projection from our own mind's expectation that we will be loved and be treated the way that we want it to be from our lover or partner, then we will be happy and feel love... And if we are not being loved or treated the way that we want it to be from our lover or partner, we will be unhappy and feel frustrated... From frustration it becomes anger, and from anger it turns into hatred...
When we say we love someone, know that we don't really love that person... We are selfish. We only love what we like and agree with... Once it changed into something that we don't like and don't agree with, we don't feel love for that person anymore and replace with disgust, disinterest and hatred, because we couldn't find pleasure, excitement and happiness in the relationship with that person, because we cannot love him or her as he is, as she is, as changes happen in us and in our lover or partner from moment to moment... We cannot find satisfaction in our lover or partner or the relationship now, because they are not the things that we like and want anymore...
This is a cruel reality about love relationship, but it is the Truth...
So, if we feel hatred in a relationship, ask ourselves this question, "Do we really love this person?" or "Are we just in love with the qualities in that person that we like and agree with?"
If we really love this person, we won't have hatred towards this person or this relationship... We will be able to accept our partner as he is or as she is, and able to accept the relationship as it is, even though there are constant changes in us or in our partner or in the relationship... And if we really know what is unconditional love or selfless love or unselfish love, we won't have any expectation in getting love and happiness from our partner or from the relationship... Even if we don't get any love in return, we are fine because we love ourselves. We have love and happiness in ourselves. We do not depend on our partner or any relationship to give us love and happiness...
And if we feel hatred, then that clearly indicates that we don't really love this person. How can we hate someone that we really love? That indicates that we only love the image of that person that we built up for him or her, we only love the qualities that we expect from him or her, but we hate the reality of that person being what he is or what she is, but then this reality is not something that we like and want... That's why we feel love and hatred at the same time in a love relationship...
Sometimes the feeling of hatred is not about our partner not being the person that we like and want, but it is from ourselves being dissatisfied with ourselves, looking for compliments from our partner to fulfill that imperfection or incompleteness in us, and if we couldn't get that from our partner or from the relationship, we will be more disappointed and frustrated with ourselves, and turn that frustration and anger towards our partner and our relationship as well, blaming our partner or the relationship causing us unhappiness...
We think we are angry with our lover or partner, but actually we are angry with ourselves...
Sometimes it is just some hormonal changes in our body that generates the feeling of disgust, disinterest and hatred. That is nothing to do with whether our partner is being loving and nice to us or not. Even though our partners love us very much and treat us the way that we want them to treat us, but due to the hormone changes influencing our mood very much, we'll still feel like "we don't love our partner", or "we hate our partner", or "we hate our relationship", or "we hate ourselves", or "we hate our life"... If this is the case, then by changing our lifestyle, do some exercise regularly, eat some healthy choice of food, stop eating junk food, stop abusing the body and mind with unhealthy inputs, have a healthy sleeping pattern, balancing work, rest and play, will help to balance up the hormone system in our body and will change how we feel and don't feel...
Sometimes we feel anger and hatred towards our lover or partner or the relationship, it is because our partners did something or said something that really hurt our feelings, we cannot forgive and hold on to that bitterness, and it turn into anger and hatred towards our partner for hurting us... We need to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves by letting go of anger and hatred... Forgive and let go whatever had happened... If our partner is still hurting us with his or her actions and speech, we can choose to let go of this relationship, in order to allow ourselves to heal ourselves, to love ourselves, to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and not allow ourselves continue to be abused or hurt by that person, even if we love that person very much and don't feel like leaving him or her.
If our lover or partner really loves us, they won't be abusing or hurting us so much... And if they really love us, but at the same time unwittingly, whether intentionally or unintentionally hurting us through actions and speech, that must be something isn't right going on in his or her mind... He or she is in suffering. He or she is not happy, not peaceful... And if this is the case, we won't have anger and hatred towards him or her, because we will be compassionate towards his or her situation or condition...
Some people are being over-powered by drugs or alcohol, and cannot control their own actions and speech, and generates hurts to their lover or partner, physically, mentally and emotionally... But, when they come back to sanity, they feel so guilty and regret for what they have done... If this is the case, this person needs to help himself or herself to come out from this suffering... We cannot do anything to help this person if he or she doesn't want to help himself or herself to be free from drugs or alcohol abuse... Sometimes we have to let go this relationship, but we can continue to help this person to come out from his or her problems, if we love this person, but this action of helping is out of compassion, and not as a person in the relationship being responsible or obligated to help this person...
If our lover or partner is taking pleasure in their actions and speech to hurt us physically, mentally and emotionally, that means he or she is very sick, mentally sick... And he or she is in great suffering being totally deluded by ignorance... We should be compassionate towards him or her, and won't be angry with him or her... We don't have to continue to be in this relationship if we don't want to, and let him or her takes responsibility for himself or herself... We cannot take responsibility for his or her ignorance. Everyone has to take responsibility for themselves... We cannot expect our lover and partner to take responsibility for our mentality and behavior, or to remove the ignorance for us, just because they are in a relationship with us...
If things can be fixed, we can try our best to fix it. If things cannot be fixed, we have to let it go...
No matter what reasons that induce the feelings of anger and hatred in relationship, most important is that we need to be able to forgive and let go... Free ourselves, free our body and mind from anger and hatred is more important than try to please other people, or to help other people to come out from suffering, when we ourselves need to be helped and healed. We need to love ourselves, accept ourselves as we are, and then we are able to love someone else, and accept other people as they are... Even though they don't love us or didn't treat us the way that we want them to treat us, we will still love this person as he is or as she is, out of compassion, without asking any love and appreciation in return...
And if continue in a relationship will only bring further unhappiness and suffering onto one of us or the two of us, because we cannot change how we feel about the other person, or change how the other person feels for us, then it is better to let this relationship go... May ourselves be happy, and may our lover or partner be happy... We might meet some other people who can teach us how to love ourselves and be happy in any relationships... We allow the universe to bring us the one who is our partner and our teacher as well... Who knows maybe days later, or weeks later, or months later, or years later the two people will love each other again, and want to start a new relationship with greater understanding and unconditional love...
We should be able to be free and be happy with ourselves whether being in a relationship or not being in a relationship...
If being in a relationship that doesn't allow us to be truthful and honest for being what we really are, then this relationship won't last long, even though we love that person very much and want to be with that person... If we try to please the other person by presenting ourselves pretend to be somebody with the image and personality that he or she likes, we will be exhausted and unhappy... There's no meanings in preserving this relationship...
If we are really angry with our lover or partner whether there's a reason or there's no reason for that anger, we should be able to let our lover or partner know that we don't feel good and we are angry... And if he or she really loves us as we are, they won't mind about it and will accept that in this present moment now, we are not in a good mood, and not necessarily that there is a problem in the relationship...
We don't need to find faults nor blame anyone for our anger and unhappiness as this will energized the fire of anger and unhappiness. Even this anger and unhappiness will pass away... It's impermanent... After a few moments, or a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months, that feeling of anger and unhappiness will be gone... Why want to ruin a fine relationship just because of some common feelings of up and down that exist in everyone, that are impermanent?
If we really love someone, we should be able to allow that person to be able to freely express his or her present feelings and emotion, and give support to him or her... Develop an open-minded understanding that sometimes (especially when we are still not being free from identification with the ego yet), we can be disturbed, we can be imbalanced, we can be fragile, we can be not so kind, we can be selfish, we can be emotional, we might have anger, we might have jealousy, we might have disappointment, we might have dissatisfaction, and etc... And through this understanding, we allow ourselves and the other person to be who we really are, to express freely and honestly how we feel, and be able to be "not so nice" and "not so loving" once in a while... We are not perfect, and we cannot expect our partner to be perfect all the time...
Go and find love and peace and contentment in our own self first, before we get into a relationship and telling our partner, "I love you..." when we don't really love ourselves and are not happy with ourselves, and expect to find love and happiness from our partner and love relationship... Expecting our partner and love relationship will give us love and happiness to remove the feelings of loneliness and unhappiness... We will be very disappointed because our partner and the relationship cannot give us love and happiness... They cannot take away the loneliness and unhappiness in us...
Love and happiness is coming from within our self, when we are free from attachments, craving and aversion... Momentary feelings of love and happiness that come from getting what the ego likes and wants, and having our desires fulfilled, and not experience anything that we don't like and don't want, are conditional and impermanent... As long as craving and aversion is there, we can never be fully satisfied, or be truly happy for being what we are and accepting everything as it is...
There is nobody nor any relationships will give us love and happiness, if we don't have love and happiness in ourselves... If we feel love and happiness being with somebody in a relationship, that is because we love ourselves... If we feel hate and unhappiness being with somebody in a relationship, that is because we don't love ourselves...
We will be disappointed and feel frustrated in the relationship, when we realize that our partner and our relationship cannot give us the things that we want, such like love, happiness, completeness, satisfaction, pleasure, and etc...
The warm happy love feelings and satisfaction that we think they are coming from our relationship with our partner, and our partner is loving us and being nice to us, it's conditional, it's limited, it is not real happiness... Why? Because if there is some problems occur in our relationship, and our partner stop being loving and are not nice to us anymore, do we still feel warm happy love feelings and satisfaction? Nope, we don't... Instead we will feel so unhappy, angry, hating and disappointed...
We feel love and happiness it's not because our partner love us, but because they love us the way that we want them to love us... Even if our partner love us, but not love us the way that we want them to love us, we won't be happy and satisfied. In fact, we will be angry with them... Where is love? There's no love... We only love our own selfish intention and expectation towards our lover or partner and the relationship... When our intention and expectation is being gratified, we feel good and happy... But when our intention and expectation is not being gratified, we feel unhappy and angry... Do we still want to say that we love our lover or partner?
If we both have love and happiness within ourselves, then both of us can compliment each other without trying to expect the other person to give us love and make us happy... This type of relationship will last long, even though sometimes we have mood swing, and sometimes there are ups and downs in life...
Every time when we feel angry with our lover or partner, know that it is nothing to do with our lover or partner... It is because we are angry with the reality of things that are not the way that we like them to be... Our likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement, craving and aversion are not being gratified, that's why we are angry and disappointed... It is not because of our partner's behavior is not nice, but it is because we don't like or don't agree with the way things are, especially when our partner didn't behave the way that we "expect" them to behave...
It is okay that sometimes we don't feel love or we feel angry in a relationship with someone... Allow ourselves and our partner to experience impermanence of feelings and moods... Feelings of love will pass... Feelings of hatred also will pass... What remain is unconditional love that is beyond feelings of love and hatred that keeps the relationship growing and lasting...
Real love and happiness is unconditional and will not change... It is always there in us, no matter how is our relationship with someone, or how is our partner treating us, or whether our partner will fulfill our desires, or having qualities that we like and want or not...
May all be happy whether being in a relationship with someone or not...
Om shanti...
We might be interested to know about "love and hatred in relationship", maybe it is coming from our own life experience or from other people's life experience, it is beneficial for anyone and any relationships for us to know about why a love relationship can turn sour and bitter, and have hatred towards our partner and the relationship...
From the point of view of Yoga teachings about the mind, the ego, the feelings, desires, ignorance, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, attachments, suffering, compassion and the law of impermanence, here are some explanations why there are quite many confused relationships mixed with love and hatred in the world...
Before we can love another person and get into relationship with anyone, we need to have love in ourselves. We are able to love ourselves and are happy with ourselves as we are, and not having expectation that our lover or partner will make us happy or expect the relationship will give us love and happiness...
To love ourselves, we need to be able to accept ourselves as we are in the present moment as it is... Then only we can love ourselves and be happy with our own self as we are... If we cannot accept ourselves as we are, and don't know how to love ourselves, how is it possible for us to accept other people as they are and know how to love other people as they are? If we are not peaceful and have no love, how can we share peace and love with others?
We will be very disappointed by our own expectation, and the relationship will definitely turn sour and bitter if we expect our lover or partner or the relationship to give us love and happiness, to make us happy and be loved... It's because nobody and no relationship can give us love and happiness... Love and happiness is coming from within ourselves, loving ourselves as we are and accepting ourselves as we are, whether we are in a relationship with someone or not...
If we don't have love in ourselves and are not happy with our own self as we are, and trying to get love and happiness from other people or from relationship to get rid of the incompleteness and emptiness in us, then no matter how much our partner love us and be nice to us, we will never be satisfied and happy...
At the beginning of a relationship, two people must be in love with each other and decided to be in a relationship sharing life together.
But, as time goes by, impermanence strikes... Physical condition changes, appearance changes, abilities change, mentality changes, things change, environment changes, the state of mind changes, feelings change, hormones change, likes and dislikes change, what we want and don't want change...
After spending some time together getting to know each other deeper, exposing our real personality in front of our partner, we realize that we don't really like or love our partner as much as before, because we start to see the qualities in our partner that we don't like about... The feeling of love become lesser and lesser, and one day, it's completely gone... We are not in love with him or her anymore... It's heartbreaking for our partner to know that we are not in love with them anymore, if they are still in love with us... They might get upset and be angry with us... And they have the rights and should be allowed to be upset and angry with us...
Even when we feel in love with our partner more than before as time goes by, that is because we start to see more qualities in our partner that we like about...
This is definitely nothing wrong... It is the Truth of impermanence.
It is also the Truth of "We don't really love anyone at all, but we only fell in love with some qualities that we like and agree with in that person at that moment... Maybe it's the physical body, the face, the entire appearance, the sexuality, the energy field, the personality, the way that he or she talks and moves, the way that he or she treats us, what he or she does, what he or she likes and dislikes, what he or she believes, how he or she thinks, and etc..."
Once those qualities in our lover or partner changed into something different from what we like and want, or when what we like and want has changed, we like and want something else, then we don't feel love or interest in this person anymore... And from then, everything that our partner do and say will annoy us easily and this will turn into feelings of disgust and hatred towards our partner and the relationship...
When we are still in love with the qualities in our lover or partner, everything that our lover or partner say and do is nice and positive... When we stop loving the qualities in our lover or partner, then everything that our partner say and do is not nice and negative...
Our partner and the relationship doesn't have the qualities or intention to make us happy or not happy, to give us love or not... It is the projection from our own mind's expectation that we will be loved and be treated the way that we want it to be from our lover or partner, then we will be happy and feel love... And if we are not being loved or treated the way that we want it to be from our lover or partner, we will be unhappy and feel frustrated... From frustration it becomes anger, and from anger it turns into hatred...
When we say we love someone, know that we don't really love that person... We are selfish. We only love what we like and agree with... Once it changed into something that we don't like and don't agree with, we don't feel love for that person anymore and replace with disgust, disinterest and hatred, because we couldn't find pleasure, excitement and happiness in the relationship with that person, because we cannot love him or her as he is, as she is, as changes happen in us and in our lover or partner from moment to moment... We cannot find satisfaction in our lover or partner or the relationship now, because they are not the things that we like and want anymore...
This is a cruel reality about love relationship, but it is the Truth...
So, if we feel hatred in a relationship, ask ourselves this question, "Do we really love this person?" or "Are we just in love with the qualities in that person that we like and agree with?"
If we really love this person, we won't have hatred towards this person or this relationship... We will be able to accept our partner as he is or as she is, and able to accept the relationship as it is, even though there are constant changes in us or in our partner or in the relationship... And if we really know what is unconditional love or selfless love or unselfish love, we won't have any expectation in getting love and happiness from our partner or from the relationship... Even if we don't get any love in return, we are fine because we love ourselves. We have love and happiness in ourselves. We do not depend on our partner or any relationship to give us love and happiness...
And if we feel hatred, then that clearly indicates that we don't really love this person. How can we hate someone that we really love? That indicates that we only love the image of that person that we built up for him or her, we only love the qualities that we expect from him or her, but we hate the reality of that person being what he is or what she is, but then this reality is not something that we like and want... That's why we feel love and hatred at the same time in a love relationship...
Sometimes the feeling of hatred is not about our partner not being the person that we like and want, but it is from ourselves being dissatisfied with ourselves, looking for compliments from our partner to fulfill that imperfection or incompleteness in us, and if we couldn't get that from our partner or from the relationship, we will be more disappointed and frustrated with ourselves, and turn that frustration and anger towards our partner and our relationship as well, blaming our partner or the relationship causing us unhappiness...
We think we are angry with our lover or partner, but actually we are angry with ourselves...
Sometimes it is just some hormonal changes in our body that generates the feeling of disgust, disinterest and hatred. That is nothing to do with whether our partner is being loving and nice to us or not. Even though our partners love us very much and treat us the way that we want them to treat us, but due to the hormone changes influencing our mood very much, we'll still feel like "we don't love our partner", or "we hate our partner", or "we hate our relationship", or "we hate ourselves", or "we hate our life"... If this is the case, then by changing our lifestyle, do some exercise regularly, eat some healthy choice of food, stop eating junk food, stop abusing the body and mind with unhealthy inputs, have a healthy sleeping pattern, balancing work, rest and play, will help to balance up the hormone system in our body and will change how we feel and don't feel...
Sometimes we feel anger and hatred towards our lover or partner or the relationship, it is because our partners did something or said something that really hurt our feelings, we cannot forgive and hold on to that bitterness, and it turn into anger and hatred towards our partner for hurting us... We need to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves by letting go of anger and hatred... Forgive and let go whatever had happened... If our partner is still hurting us with his or her actions and speech, we can choose to let go of this relationship, in order to allow ourselves to heal ourselves, to love ourselves, to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and not allow ourselves continue to be abused or hurt by that person, even if we love that person very much and don't feel like leaving him or her.
If our lover or partner really loves us, they won't be abusing or hurting us so much... And if they really love us, but at the same time unwittingly, whether intentionally or unintentionally hurting us through actions and speech, that must be something isn't right going on in his or her mind... He or she is in suffering. He or she is not happy, not peaceful... And if this is the case, we won't have anger and hatred towards him or her, because we will be compassionate towards his or her situation or condition...
Some people are being over-powered by drugs or alcohol, and cannot control their own actions and speech, and generates hurts to their lover or partner, physically, mentally and emotionally... But, when they come back to sanity, they feel so guilty and regret for what they have done... If this is the case, this person needs to help himself or herself to come out from this suffering... We cannot do anything to help this person if he or she doesn't want to help himself or herself to be free from drugs or alcohol abuse... Sometimes we have to let go this relationship, but we can continue to help this person to come out from his or her problems, if we love this person, but this action of helping is out of compassion, and not as a person in the relationship being responsible or obligated to help this person...
If our lover or partner is taking pleasure in their actions and speech to hurt us physically, mentally and emotionally, that means he or she is very sick, mentally sick... And he or she is in great suffering being totally deluded by ignorance... We should be compassionate towards him or her, and won't be angry with him or her... We don't have to continue to be in this relationship if we don't want to, and let him or her takes responsibility for himself or herself... We cannot take responsibility for his or her ignorance. Everyone has to take responsibility for themselves... We cannot expect our lover and partner to take responsibility for our mentality and behavior, or to remove the ignorance for us, just because they are in a relationship with us...
If things can be fixed, we can try our best to fix it. If things cannot be fixed, we have to let it go...
No matter what reasons that induce the feelings of anger and hatred in relationship, most important is that we need to be able to forgive and let go... Free ourselves, free our body and mind from anger and hatred is more important than try to please other people, or to help other people to come out from suffering, when we ourselves need to be helped and healed. We need to love ourselves, accept ourselves as we are, and then we are able to love someone else, and accept other people as they are... Even though they don't love us or didn't treat us the way that we want them to treat us, we will still love this person as he is or as she is, out of compassion, without asking any love and appreciation in return...
And if continue in a relationship will only bring further unhappiness and suffering onto one of us or the two of us, because we cannot change how we feel about the other person, or change how the other person feels for us, then it is better to let this relationship go... May ourselves be happy, and may our lover or partner be happy... We might meet some other people who can teach us how to love ourselves and be happy in any relationships... We allow the universe to bring us the one who is our partner and our teacher as well... Who knows maybe days later, or weeks later, or months later, or years later the two people will love each other again, and want to start a new relationship with greater understanding and unconditional love...
We should be able to be free and be happy with ourselves whether being in a relationship or not being in a relationship...
If being in a relationship that doesn't allow us to be truthful and honest for being what we really are, then this relationship won't last long, even though we love that person very much and want to be with that person... If we try to please the other person by presenting ourselves pretend to be somebody with the image and personality that he or she likes, we will be exhausted and unhappy... There's no meanings in preserving this relationship...
If we are really angry with our lover or partner whether there's a reason or there's no reason for that anger, we should be able to let our lover or partner know that we don't feel good and we are angry... And if he or she really loves us as we are, they won't mind about it and will accept that in this present moment now, we are not in a good mood, and not necessarily that there is a problem in the relationship...
We don't need to find faults nor blame anyone for our anger and unhappiness as this will energized the fire of anger and unhappiness. Even this anger and unhappiness will pass away... It's impermanent... After a few moments, or a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months, that feeling of anger and unhappiness will be gone... Why want to ruin a fine relationship just because of some common feelings of up and down that exist in everyone, that are impermanent?
If we really love someone, we should be able to allow that person to be able to freely express his or her present feelings and emotion, and give support to him or her... Develop an open-minded understanding that sometimes (especially when we are still not being free from identification with the ego yet), we can be disturbed, we can be imbalanced, we can be fragile, we can be not so kind, we can be selfish, we can be emotional, we might have anger, we might have jealousy, we might have disappointment, we might have dissatisfaction, and etc... And through this understanding, we allow ourselves and the other person to be who we really are, to express freely and honestly how we feel, and be able to be "not so nice" and "not so loving" once in a while... We are not perfect, and we cannot expect our partner to be perfect all the time...
Go and find love and peace and contentment in our own self first, before we get into a relationship and telling our partner, "I love you..." when we don't really love ourselves and are not happy with ourselves, and expect to find love and happiness from our partner and love relationship... Expecting our partner and love relationship will give us love and happiness to remove the feelings of loneliness and unhappiness... We will be very disappointed because our partner and the relationship cannot give us love and happiness... They cannot take away the loneliness and unhappiness in us...
Love and happiness is coming from within our self, when we are free from attachments, craving and aversion... Momentary feelings of love and happiness that come from getting what the ego likes and wants, and having our desires fulfilled, and not experience anything that we don't like and don't want, are conditional and impermanent... As long as craving and aversion is there, we can never be fully satisfied, or be truly happy for being what we are and accepting everything as it is...
There is nobody nor any relationships will give us love and happiness, if we don't have love and happiness in ourselves... If we feel love and happiness being with somebody in a relationship, that is because we love ourselves... If we feel hate and unhappiness being with somebody in a relationship, that is because we don't love ourselves...
We will be disappointed and feel frustrated in the relationship, when we realize that our partner and our relationship cannot give us the things that we want, such like love, happiness, completeness, satisfaction, pleasure, and etc...
The warm happy love feelings and satisfaction that we think they are coming from our relationship with our partner, and our partner is loving us and being nice to us, it's conditional, it's limited, it is not real happiness... Why? Because if there is some problems occur in our relationship, and our partner stop being loving and are not nice to us anymore, do we still feel warm happy love feelings and satisfaction? Nope, we don't... Instead we will feel so unhappy, angry, hating and disappointed...
We feel love and happiness it's not because our partner love us, but because they love us the way that we want them to love us... Even if our partner love us, but not love us the way that we want them to love us, we won't be happy and satisfied. In fact, we will be angry with them... Where is love? There's no love... We only love our own selfish intention and expectation towards our lover or partner and the relationship... When our intention and expectation is being gratified, we feel good and happy... But when our intention and expectation is not being gratified, we feel unhappy and angry... Do we still want to say that we love our lover or partner?
If we both have love and happiness within ourselves, then both of us can compliment each other without trying to expect the other person to give us love and make us happy... This type of relationship will last long, even though sometimes we have mood swing, and sometimes there are ups and downs in life...
Every time when we feel angry with our lover or partner, know that it is nothing to do with our lover or partner... It is because we are angry with the reality of things that are not the way that we like them to be... Our likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement, craving and aversion are not being gratified, that's why we are angry and disappointed... It is not because of our partner's behavior is not nice, but it is because we don't like or don't agree with the way things are, especially when our partner didn't behave the way that we "expect" them to behave...
It is okay that sometimes we don't feel love or we feel angry in a relationship with someone... Allow ourselves and our partner to experience impermanence of feelings and moods... Feelings of love will pass... Feelings of hatred also will pass... What remain is unconditional love that is beyond feelings of love and hatred that keeps the relationship growing and lasting...
Real love and happiness is unconditional and will not change... It is always there in us, no matter how is our relationship with someone, or how is our partner treating us, or whether our partner will fulfill our desires, or having qualities that we like and want or not...
May all be happy whether being in a relationship with someone or not...
Om shanti...
Be happy.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Additional notes :
Feelings always changing... It's impermanent. That's why sometimes we feel love, sometimes we don't feel love... It's normal.
Unconditional love is being kind and compassionate towards any beings without selfish desires, selfish intention, judgment, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, expectation and attachment... It's selfless and unconditional...
There's no differences between us and everyone else. We love everyone including ourselves. There's no differences between "my" family or not "my" family, "my" friend or not "my" friend, people whom I know or don't know, people whom I like or don't like, people whom I agree with or disagree with, people whom I think they are good or not good.
And we do not expect love, gratitude and appreciation in return. There is no anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, unhappiness in compassionate love. Just like the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space are always there giving and providing all the necessary elements and energy for everything to be exist in the universe, without any desires, intention or judgment or comparison or expectation or likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... They never ask anything in return...
They don't get upset and angry or disappointed when the people polluting the earth, the water and the air. The space doesn't mind when people start to think that they "possess" the space as their own private space. The wind doesn't mind that the people harvest the wind and make money out of it... The sun doesn't get upset when people condemn the sun is too hot or too much, causing them skin cancer or skin burn... The sun has no intention to benefit anyone to be exist, nor cause anyone discomfort or painful suffering... The sun has no expectation that anyone will be grateful and thankful for its contribution for everything to be exist in the universe... (If we don't want to get skin burn or skin cancer, we take responsibility for ourselves, don't stay under the sun for too long...)
They are always there providing and giving for everything to be exist in this universe... It doesn't matter what are the reactions or judgments coming from the beings about the water is too much or too little, the air is too strong or too weak, the sun is too much or too little, the earth is too soft or too hard, the space is too big or too small...
Selfish passionate love comes with our selfish desires, intention, judgment, expectation, and possessiveness... Expect "my..." to be there for me, support me, love me, appreciate me, take care of me, to be grateful and thankful for "what I did for you and how much I love you..." and etc...
When our desires are not being gratified, when we don't get what we want from "my...", we get upset, angry, unhappy, disappointed...
Passionate love based on qualities, names and forms that I like and want. If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I like about you, then I feel love for you... If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I don't like about you, I don't feel love for you, I feel disgusting for you...
If you do things and say things that I like and agree with, I am happy and I love you... If you do things and say things that I don't like and don't agree with, I am angry and I hate you...
In selfish passionate love, we only love something that we like and agree with, but we cannot love something that we don't like and disagree with...
Compassionate love is beyond all qualities, names and forms... No love, no hate... Beyond likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... We don't have to love or hate anything or anyone... We accept and respect everything and everyone as it is...
If we can love "our" family, "our" friends, "our" parents, "our" siblings, "our" girlfriend or boyfriend, out of compassion, there is no unhappiness, anger or disappointment... We don't own them, and they have no obligation to love us or satisfy our desires or to make us happy... Even if someone we love doesn't love us at all, it doesn't matter... We won't feel hurt from not getting the love that we want... If we are compassionate... We don't need to get love from anyone, because we are love itself...
We have no desire for anyone to give us love... We don't need to... There are unlimited or abundance of love in us already... And we can love anyone without expectation...
That's why selfish possessive type of passionate love relationship ends up sour and bitter, full of anger, hatred, unhappiness and disappointment... It's because our desires are not being fulfilled... We didn't get what we want... The relationship didn't turn out the way that we want... "My..." didn't treat me or behave the way that I want them to treat me or behave...
You see, it's all come from what "I" want and what "I" like... We make ourselves suffer and unhappy... It's not the people that we love or people in the relationship with us that make us suffer and not happy...
Om shanti...
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Letting go of the ego - Letting go of pride and arrogance...
This is not as easy as it says...
At least if we want, we can try our best...
To let go of the ego...
Letting go of pride and arrogance...
We don't really need pride and arrogance to be "somebody"...
We don't even need to be "somebody" with certain pride to be living in this world...
This life existence does not exist without the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space providing and supporting all beings to be existing in this world...
Life can be without pride and arrogance...
It will be less tensions and more peaceful...
The ego is neither good nor bad. If we identify with the ego, we will be over-powered by the idea of "I" and "mine", desires, cravings and aversions, and being restless, busy with building up a worldly self-image or social status, and getting what we desire, and busy protecting the self-image that we built up for ourselves and protecting all the attachments, possessions and belongings, and be in fear and worry towards losing what we think is "I" (that "built" on pride, self-image, self-esteem, self-worth, accumulation of knowledge, wealth, health, relationships, achievements and etc...) If we know how to not identify with it, and just let the physical body with the thinking faculty to be performing its necessary function for maintaining this life existence, we will be free and happy being "what we are", as we are, and not trying to become somebody with certain prideful or proud deserving self-image and qualities...At least if we want, we can try our best...
To let go of the ego...
Letting go of pride and arrogance...
We don't really need pride and arrogance to be "somebody"...
We don't even need to be "somebody" with certain pride to be living in this world...
This life existence does not exist without the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space providing and supporting all beings to be existing in this world...
Life can be without pride and arrogance...
It will be less tensions and more peaceful...
If anyone is being happy and peaceful by possessing pride and arrogance, and wants to continue to be proud and arrogant, there is nothing wrong with that... Be happy being proud and arrogant...
Deep inside us, we know that actually we are not really confident and are not happy about ourselves, that's why we need to possess pride and arrogance to feel good about ourselves, and to feel we are stronger and better than anyone else...
Deep inside us, we know that actually we are not really confident and are not happy about ourselves, that's why we need to possess pride and arrogance to feel good about ourselves, and to feel we are stronger and better than anyone else...
If we want to be truly confident and happy, we really need to let go of the identification with the ego, or the idea of 'I', letting go of pride and arrogance that comes along with the ego...
We need to be able to accept ourselves as we are, and not looking forward trying to be somebody else that we are not, even if we "think" that we are not perfect... And when we realize the true nature of what we think we are, which is perfect, selfless, attributeless, nameless and formless, there is no need of attaining "good qualities" to be proud and arrogant, to support us or to determine us to be "what we are"...
Before we can "let go of the ego", we need to know who or what is this ego...
Whenever there is cognition about "I", "my", "mine", "I am", "I am not", "I feel", "I don't feel", "I like", "I don't like", "I want", "I don't want", "I agree", "I don't agree", "I am peaceful", "I am not peaceful", "I am good", "I am not good", "I am positive", "I am negative", "I am happy", "I am not happy", "I am wise", "I am not wise", "I am compassionate", "I am not compassionate", "I am superior", I am inferior", "I am special", "I am not special", "I am a yogi", "I am a yoga teacher", "I am strong", "I am not strong", "I am so and so", "I am this or that", "I practice yoga", "I don't practice yoga", "I am a vegetarian", "I am not a vegetarian", "I meditate", "I don't meditate", "I did, I do, I will do", "I didn't do, I don't do, I will not do", "I have to", "I need to", "I wish to", "I don't wish to", "I have", "I don't have", "I am loved", "I am not loved", "I am accepted", "I am rejected", "I've succeeded", "I've failed", and in any other forms of identifications, qualities and perceptions about "I" or "me" or "my" or "mine"... Know that all these are the plays of the ego...
By surrendering the ego, we are letting go of the identification with all these "names and forms", "qualities", "self-judgment", "self-evaluation", "self-image", "self-esteem", "selfish desires", "expectation", and so on... This looks like it's going against the worldly thinking of "Everyone needs to have certain self-image, self-evaluation and self-esteem to be somebody..." or "Everyone needs to have certain expectations to set as a goal to strive to be better and to be successful in life..."
In the path of yoga and meditation, we are going to let go of all these worldly thinking and concepts about "who we should be" and "how we should be"...
We don't just expect ourselves to have certain self-image, but we also project qualities onto other people and give them certain image... And usually we will project an image with certain qualities that comes from our own mind perception onto other people, judging this person as "this" and that person as "that", judging everyone "you are good" and "you are not good" based on what our mind believes what things are... But, how true is our belief, perception and judgment?
For example, we will expect a "yoga teacher" should have certain "yoga teacher" image, and he or she should behave or present himself or herself as what a "yoga teacher" should be behaving... We will expect a "yogi" should have certain "yogi" image, and he or she should behave or present himself or herself as what a "yogi" should be behaving...
And it's not just that, we also think that a "yoga teacher" or a "yogi" should behave as what a "yoga teacher" or "yogi" should behave appropriately, so that other people can follow and imitate that appropriate "image", and learn to become a "proper" yoga teacher or "proper" yogi...
And we get so disappointed by our own expectation towards how other people should behave, when other people didn't "behave" in the way that what we think they should be behaving...
We also get so annoyed and unhappy when other people project different images or judgments onto us, which are contradicted or different from what we think we are... Such like, when we think we are "a nice and good person", but other people didn't think so, and they think that we are "not nice and not good"... And if we identify with the ego, we will be so unhappy and upset when we are being projected by other people as "somebody who is not what we think we are"...
We expect other people to see us or judge us exactly as what we think we are or "what we want" them to think what we are, "a nice and good person"... We want to have a "good" image in other people's mind... We want other people to think that we are "nice and good people"... And we have been doing lots of good, and have been nice and good to other people, how could they possibly think that "I am not nice and not good"...? They are wrong and misunderstood about "me"... And then we will want to justify ourselves or try to convince other people that we are what we think we are, "a nice and good person", and not what they thought what we are not... And if other people still "judge" us differently from what we think we are, we'll be more disappointed, unhappy and upset...
Those who have gone beyond the ego, they will not be bothered by how other people think about them, or judge them, or misunderstood them... Criticism, slandering or condemn won't affect them, nor damage their confidence, nor change who they are and how they are... Neither praise and compliments will affect them, nor increase their confidence, nor change who they are and how they are... They are not being determined, or defined, or conditioned by praise and condemn...
The one who is getting upset and feels insulted is the ego... The one who is getting delighted and feels appreciated is the ego... This is one of the characteristics of the ego...
The ego also likes to compare with others, having jealousy towards other people who are somehow "better", or "happier", or "smarter", or "luckier", or "stronger", "fitter", "wealthier", "more successful", "more popular", or "more superior" than us...
The ego will look down on other people who are somehow "less good", "less happy", "less smart", "less lucky", "less strong", "less fit", "less wealthy", "less successful", "less popular", or "more inferior" than us...
The ego will feel so happy and delighted when things turn out to be the way that it wants it to be...
The ego will feel so unhappy and disappointed if things didn't turn out to be the way that it wants it to be...
The ego also will be so proud and arrogant about the knowledge that it has and the achievements that it attained, and it wants to be noticed and acknowledged by the world about what it knows and what it had achieved... It needs approval, agreement, attention, acknowledgment, support, appreciation and compliment from the world to be "somebody", to feel proud, to feel good, to feel meaningful, to be confident, to be happy, to be special, to be important...
These are the most significant characteristics of the ego, accompanied by pride and arrogance, as well as attachment towards success and failure, praise and condemn, being conditioned and determined by success and failure, praise and condemn to be happy or not happy, to be confident or not confident, to feel meaningful, or not...
When we are full of anger, we project anger onto other people, seeing and hearing everything that we see and hear as an object of anger or the reason to be angry... When our mind is negative, we project everyone and everything as negative... Whatever we see and hear is negative... When our mind is positive, we project everyone and everything as positive... Whatever we see and hear is positive... But, the Truth is, everyone and everything is neither negative nor positive. Everyone and everything is just being what it is... They have no qualities nor intention to be negative or positive... They have no qualities to make us happy or unhappy...
Whenever "we" see, or hear, or experience something that "we" like and agree with, "we" feel good, excited, happy, satisfied, encouraged, motivated and so on... Actually that is the ego comes in contact with what it likes and agrees with... It is the ego feeling good, excited, happy, satisfied, encouraged, motivated and so on...
Whenever "we" see, or hear, or experience something that "we" don't like and don't agree with, "we" feel upset, unhappy, frustrated, irritated, agitated, discouraged, demotivated, disappointed, angry and so on... Actually that is the ego comes in contact with what it doesn't like and disagrees with... It is the ego feeling upset, unhappy, frustrated, irritated, agitated, discouraged, demotivated, disappointed, angry and so on...
To let go of the ego, is to not identify with the ego, and not associate with its reactions towards all the names and forms that the mind perceives or experiences through the senses... And remain unattached towards all these perceptions of names and forms, being the observer or the witness of the thinking mind and its activities...
When "we" feel hurt or feel insulted by somebody or something, that is the ego reacting when it is being challenged for its "power", "knowledge", "authority", "confidence", or "self-image"...
The ego will try its best to "make" other people to like it, to love it, to agree with it, to support it, to respect it, to trust it, to appreciate it, to compliment it, and so on...
The ego wants to be, and needs to be "somebody" with certain image and qualities that is being recognized, approved and acknowledged by family and friends, the leaders, the authority, the society, or the community of the world...
The ego identified and attached to certain self-image, identity, qualities, conditions, abilities, thinking, concepts, beliefs, ideas, traditions, lifestyles, ways of doing things, judgments, possessions, achievements, and so on, to be "somebody"...
The one who wants to express thoughts, ideas, creativity, feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes, wants and don't wants, agreements and disagreements, and so on, under certain intention, motivation and expectation, is the ego...
Justification and arguing is one of the characteristics of the ego... It doesn't like to see or hear something that it doesn't agree with...
The ego depends or relies on "personal" or "professional" image and worldly identifications and achievements, such like, personality, uniqueness, academic and sports achievements, sensual and material enjoyments, personal characteristic and physical appearance, physical and mental conditions and abilities, financial status, social status, religious status, spiritual status, work and social activities and achievements, family and love relationships, friendships, fellowships, material possessions, wealth accumulations, lifestyles, worldly point of views, judgments, expectations and so on, to be "somebody", to be "special", to be "important", to feel good, to feel being needed, to feel meaningful, to feel confident, to feel worthy, to feel deserving, and so on...
The ego is being conditioned and determined by other people's judgments, evaluations, comments, supports, attention, liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, and so on, to be "who we are" in this worldly existence...
The ego is being conditioned and determined by "qualifications", "certifications", "social status", "financial status", "academic status", "lifestyle status", "leisure status", "relationship status", "family status", "spiritual status", "fitness status", "health status", "mental status", "achievements", "personalities", "personal image", "professional image", and so on, to be "somebody" who is well-worth living as a "person" or "human being"...
"We" think that "we" need all these "things" to be "who we are"... But it is just the ego clinging onto, or depending on all these "things" or "qualities" to be "alive", to be "strong" and to be "in control"...
When we identify with the ego, our confidence and sense of self-worth are swaying up and down, according to the identifications, self-image, impermanent qualities and achievements that we create for ourselves... We are restlessly trying to be "somebody" with such and such qualities, making ourselves so busy trying to build up a "lovable", "perfect", "healthy" and "pride deserving" self-image... We are also being busy trying to protect or upkeep this "self-image" that we have created for ourselves... We don't want this "good" self-image to be damaged or contaminated by "bad" reviews or "bad" qualities...
We are full of fear and worry, craving, clinging and aversion...
We are in a constant state of restlessness being dissatisfied for being "who we are" and "how we are" in the present moment now, rejecting and not accepting ourselves as we are...
If we can just let go of this ego, we will be so free being who we are and how we are, in this present moment now, as we are... Not looking forward to try to become "somebody" that we are not...
We can continue to perform actions in the world, to constantly improve, and do our best in our life to pursue all our dreams and goals, but we are no longer being determined, or defined, or conditioned by all these names and forms, and the results of our actions, what we can do and cannot do, what we can achieve and cannot achieve... We are free while at the same time performing necessary actions improving ourselves in life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...
We are always confident, it's because we are free from being conditioned and determined by the ego, and not because we are "somebody" with such and such qualities and achievements...
We are always happy, it's because we are free from tensions and discontentment that come from being dissatisfied towards "who we are" and "how we are", and not because we are "somebody", or we are "this" and "that", or we have "this" and "that"...
We can fully enjoy what we do in life for ourselves or for other people, but we are not being determined or defined by all these things (our actions, the fruit of our actions, and the reactions of other people towards our actions)...
Yoga and meditation practice is nothing but to eliminate this ego... And be free.
This is truly liberation, being free from the ego, be free from the "worldly standardized" self-image, social status, pride and arrogance...
Om shanti.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Retreat ourselves in everyday life, not just during silent retreats...
What are we doing in silent retreats?
We practice intense or serious non-attachment...
Retreat from the worldly attachments in our life. Retreat from names and forms that we always see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think... Retreat from our everyday worldly activities, actions and speech... Retreat from our conditional behavior pattern or familiar routine... Retreat from our daily life worries and cares... Retreat from worldly interaction, communication, discussion, debate, argument, expression, reaction, expectation, wanting, talking, mingling, socializing, mixing, gossiping, criticizing, judging, comparing, justification, worldly sensual pleasure and enjoyments, and etc...
We stop giving the mind what it wants and likes... We stop gratifying the desire of craving and aversion of the mind... We move the mind away from its usual activities and enjoyments... This will not be easy or comfortable for the mind... It will reject and resent... It will experience irritation and frustration... It will want to runaway from the retreat and go back to its usual habits, familiar activities and enjoyments...
Meditation is not about making the mind to become creative and artistic, no doubt that many people who practice meditation regularly will naturally be developing the creativity and artistic side of the mind... They will have many creative ideas and imaginations... But, this is not the purpose of meditation. It is just one of the side-effects of meditation... Those who are not careful about this, will tend to attach onto the "side-effect" of meditation, attach onto the increasing creativity and ideas, and hence, spending their energy and time into worldly social activities...
Meditation is freeing the mind from the longing towards stimulation and creation. It is about absorbing or entering into silence, into birthlessness, deathlessness, beginninglessness, endlessness, attributelessness, namelessness and formlessness... There is no colours, no shapes, no forms, no qualities, no sights, no sounds, no smells, no tastes, no sensations, no thinking, no thoughts, no creativity, no ideas, no imaginations, no interactions, no passions, no desires, no perception, no reaction, no happiness, no unhappiness, no good, no bad, no birth, no death, no fear, no worry, no gain, no loss, no ignorance, no excitement, no depression, no enjoyment, no suffering, no cessation of suffering, no ego, no mind, no intellect, no body...
The mind absorb into its source - The selfless consciousness or the universal consciousness.
There is no meditator, no meditation, no fruit of meditation...
And this practice should not just be practice during or being limited in silent retreats... It should be practice in our everyday life moderately, if we really want to be free from the bondage of birth and death, be free from inevitable suffering that co-existing with the existence and function of the body and the mind...
Talk less... If we really need to talk, may it be the speech of Dharma or the Truth... Even though most of the time, the Truth is not something that the egoistic ignorant minds want or like to hear... Sometimes, the Truth can be hurtful and painful for the egoistic minds, but it will help to free the minds from further and heavier suffering and ignorance...
Reduce or limit worldly passionate activities, socializing, interacting, gathering, stimulation of the mind...
There is no more attachment or clinging onto worldly materials, relationships, objects and affairs... There is no more craving for love, care, support, acknowledgement, approval, recognition and attention from the world or relationships with anyone... There is no more depending on any worldly qualities and achievements to be confident, to be happy, to be somebody... Not even depending on any spiritual qualities and achievements to be confident, to be happy, to be somebody... The one who is beyond all names and forms, is a free being...
Those who retreat themselves moderately in everyday life but still living amid the busy and "interesting" world, might be criticized by worldly minded people as loner, non-sociable, unfriendly, strange, arrogant or care-less, but it doesn't matter... Because the wise will not argue with the ignorant, and will not mind about worldly perception, judgment, criticism and comment coming from the worldly minded... They will only be compassionate towards the beings who are over-powered by ignorance...
In those who had tasted the joy of detachment and dispassion, only they will know and appreciate the joy of fearlessness that comes from non-attachment and retreating from worldly passionate activities... And they are not interested to attain some sort of momentary satisfaction or happy/meaningful feelings that come from worldly passionate relationships, connections and activities...
They will spend their existing energy in their own practice and to help the world in silence, without getting any attention, acknowledgment or appreciation from the world... They are the beings who really know how to help the world but without being known of who they are and what they do, and without being affected by the world and the result of their selfless compassionate actions...
It is common that during or immediately after a silent retreat, we will be able to taste the momentary joy of retreating ourselves from worldly passionate activities and relationships, experience care-free and worry-less, but very soon once we step back into our daily life in the worldly society, we start to attach onto our worldly activities and relationships, and move away from detachment and dispassion, and be restless and miserable again... Om shanti.
Friday, February 10, 2012
The importance of Satsanga, Kutsanga & Asanga in the path of yoga and meditation
There are wise spiritual beings (Satsanga) that can uplift us, help us and guide us in the path of yoga and meditation to evolve towards higher consciousness. These Satsanga will encourage us to immerse in spiritual practice and to move away from worldly passionate activities, such like gossiping, back-biting, slandering, mocking, teasing, greed, craving, clinging, worldly desires and attachments, and building castles in the air...
There are worldly minded beings (Kutsanga) that can pull us down, distract us and move us away from our yoga and meditation practice to evolve towards higher consciousness, especially if we are still being affected very much by the qualities of names and forms, and the energy fields of other people, and we have no strong self-control and non-attachment. These Kutsanga will distract and discourage us from immerse in spiritual practice, and will lead us and encourage us to get involve with more worldly passionate activities which cause great distraction and obstacles.
Until one day, we have developed strong self-control and non-attachment, and are not being affected or influenced by all these elements and energy fields, then we can mix freely with anyone no matter they have bad influences or negative energy fields. When we are being unaffected and uninfluenced by other people energy fields, we can be truly compassionate to help uplifting other people instead of being pull down by them.
When we still don't have strong self-control and non-attachment, it is not being selfish or arrogant at all to keep away from evil company or worldly minded company. This is being kind and compassionate towards ourselves. To admit that we are not that "strong" yet to be unaffected or influenced by other people's energy fields, and to allow ourselves to have the maximum focus and energy for engaging in self-transformation to be free from ignorance and suffering. Only when we ourselves are free from ignorance and suffering, we can be kind and compassionate towards other beings by helping other beings to evolve and be free from ignorance and suffering. If we ourselves are ignorant and in suffering, how can we guide others to be free from ignorance and suffering?
Om shanti.
There are worldly minded beings (Kutsanga) that can pull us down, distract us and move us away from our yoga and meditation practice to evolve towards higher consciousness, especially if we are still being affected very much by the qualities of names and forms, and the energy fields of other people, and we have no strong self-control and non-attachment. These Kutsanga will distract and discourage us from immerse in spiritual practice, and will lead us and encourage us to get involve with more worldly passionate activities which cause great distraction and obstacles.
There is a teaching or advice from our ancient Gurus saying that – If there is no good or wise company (Satsanga), then it is better to be alone (Asanga) than to be with or surrounded by evil company or worldly minded company (Kutsanga).
In the beginning of the path of yoga and meditation, it is very important to choose what type of inputs that are feeding our mind, especially if we have no strong self-control and non-attachment, and are easily being affected and influenced by sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations and thoughts, and being affected and influenced by other people's energy fields, or more precisely, other people's thinking and belief, actions and reactions, values and practice.
Until one day, we have developed strong self-control and non-attachment, and are not being affected or influenced by all these elements and energy fields, then we can mix freely with anyone no matter they have bad influences or negative energy fields. When we are being unaffected and uninfluenced by other people energy fields, we can be truly compassionate to help uplifting other people instead of being pull down by them.
When we still don't have strong self-control and non-attachment, it is not being selfish or arrogant at all to keep away from evil company or worldly minded company. This is being kind and compassionate towards ourselves. To admit that we are not that "strong" yet to be unaffected or influenced by other people's energy fields, and to allow ourselves to have the maximum focus and energy for engaging in self-transformation to be free from ignorance and suffering. Only when we ourselves are free from ignorance and suffering, we can be kind and compassionate towards other beings by helping other beings to evolve and be free from ignorance and suffering. If we ourselves are ignorant and in suffering, how can we guide others to be free from ignorance and suffering?
So, do not feel bad when we have to say "no" and to keep away from certain worldly minded company for the sake of our own spiritual growth, if we are still easily being affected and influenced by other people's energy fields that are Rajasic (restlessness) and Tamasic (idleness). It is a noble and compassionate action to put importance onto looking after ourselves.
When we know what is non-identification with the body and mind, when we are free from attachments, personal desires and expectation, craving and aversion, then we can mix freely with anybody and not being affected and influenced by any elements of sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations and thoughts.
The wise foresee troubles, and do not intentionally invite troubles, and will naturally keep away from unnecessary troubles, and are able to focus its attention and energy onto spiritual practice and self-evolution.
The ignorant doesn't foresee troubles, and will invite troubles unwittingly, and will be drawn towards unnecessary troubles, being busy with worldly passions, troubles and worries, and have no interest and energy for spiritual practice.
Knowing the truth of things as it is and be truly happy...
By coming in contact with many things and knowing a lot of things through reading, seeing, hearing or experiencing cannot guarantee us liberation from restlessness and suffering, and to be in peace and happiness...
It is by knowing the truth of things as it is, that will free us from being conditioned by the qualities in names and forms, and free us from restlessness and unhappiness that derive from attachment towards the qualities in names and forms due to being ignorant about the truth of things as it is...
That's why it is not by studying and reading many books and philosophies, or by hearing many teachings, philosophies and stories from this person and that person, or by experiencing "good" and "bad" happenings in life, that will free us from restlessness and unhappiness...
We can be reading many books on philosophies and teachings coming from different enlightened beings or spiritual teachers, but we will still have doubts and ignorant about the truth of things because all those knowledge are not coming from our own realization...
We can be seeing and hearing about other people's experiences about this and that, but still we are not being liberated from fear and worry, pride and arrogance, anger and hatred, dissatisfaction and greed, craving and aversion, and etc...
We can be experiencing many "good" and "bad" things in our life and in our spiritual path in search for liberation, but still, we are not being free from the impurities and suffering that arise in the mind whenever the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses. We are identifying with the doer of the actions and inactions, identifying with the enjoyer of the fruit or the result of the actions and inactions, and identifying with the one who is experiencing all the "good" and "bad" experiences...
Even though Buddha had told us about the Four Noble Truth about suffering, and we may have heard about it many times from books or from people who talk about it, but we are still being conditioned by attachments towards the qualities in names and forms, being over-powered and determined by the perception of "good" and "bad", "happiness" and "suffering", "positive" and "negative", "auspiciousness" and "inauspiciousness", "respectfulness" and "disrespectfulness", "appropriateness" and "inappropriateness", "praise" and "insult" and etc, that derive from the function of our conditional thinking mind, the ego, the intellect, the body and the senses...
We still have craving towards the qualities of names and forms that are being categorized or recognized as "good", "happiness" and "positive" and etc, and have aversion towards the qualities of names and forms that are being categorized or recognized as "bad", "suffering" and "negative" and etc...
Many people had heard about the teaching about non-dualism, namelessness and formlessness, but, how many people are actually be free from being conditioned and determined by all these qualities in names and forms, and still attached strongly to all the perceptions about good and bad, happiness and suffering, positive and negative, auspiciousness and inauspiciousness, respectfulness and disrespectfulness, praise and insult,and etc...
Many people talk about it, preach about it, teach about it, but, how many people are still caught up in attachment towards the perception of names and forms (sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations and thoughts), the body, the mind, the ego and the intellect?
May we keep practice non-attachment... And if there is attachment, we practice letting go of attachment...
At the beginning, we might need to go through many unsuccessful attempts to not attach to names and forms, but there's no judgments, keep practice letting go, and non-attachment... Until one day, the practice will become effortless, when we start to develop insights about the truth of things as it is... Then there is no need any efforts at all to not attach to any names and forms and be free...
When we know the truth of things as it is, there is no anger, no frustration, no dissatisfaction, no disappointment and no unhappiness even though when we see, or hear, or experience something that is "bad" or "wrong", and when something that is "good" or "right" is not happening...
There is nothing wrong if we still be angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy when we see, or hear, or experience all these "bad" and "wrong" happenings, and when we don't experience any "good" and "right" happenings... The one who is being angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy is our selfish and arrogant ego that was being challenged, and it doesn't like or disagree with certain names and forms when the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses...
But, know that by being angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy cannot help to improve anything or to make things become better... It is meaningless and wasting energy...
When we still being disturbed and affected by the "good" and "bad" qualities in names and forms, it indicates that we are still attached towards our mind, our ego and our intellect... No matter how many years of yoga and meditation practice that we have did in the past, it didn't free us from restlessness and suffering... Because we are never in peace constantly being disturbed and affected by all the names and forms due to not knowing the truth of things as it is and have attached onto these names and forms...
May all beings be happy. Be truly happy... Real happiness is not something to be experience or to be found later in the next moment, or next day, or next week, or next year, or next life, or next birth, or after death, or after we did a good action, or when we are being judged as "good" people or "good" beings... But it's right now, in this very present moment... By knowing the Truth of things as it is, and not attach to any names and forms, and not being disturbed, nor affected, nor determined, nor conditioned by the impermanent qualities in names and forms...
When we are free from attachments, we will be undisturbed, unaffected, undetermined and unconditioned by the qualities of names and forms, and thus being free from restlessness and unhappiness that derive from attachments... And then, we can help ourselves and other beings to evolve towards higher consciousness, out of compassion, without any intentions, judgments, comparisons, expectations or attachments towards the fruit or the result of the actions... Just like the universe, allowing and accepting everyone and everything to be exist in the universe... The universe has no intention to be "good" or "bad", or judging this is "good" or "bad", or expecting this will be "good" or "bad"...
Real "yogi" or "Buddhist" or "yoga teacher" does not need to name or label themselves as "yogi" or "Buddhist" or "yoga teacher", and are not determined by how much "yoga practices" or "Buddhism practices" or "yoga classes" that they have been performing, are performing and will be performing... But, they are free from restlessness and suffering by knowing the truth of things as it is, in this present moment now...
There is no doer of the actions... There is no action being performed... There is no enjoyer of the fruit or the result of the action...
There is no yogi, no yoga practice, no fruit of yoga practice...
There is no suffering, no cause of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path of transcending suffering...
There is no yoga teacher, no teaching yoga, no yoga students, no fruit of teaching yoga...
Om shanti.
It is by knowing the truth of things as it is, that will free us from being conditioned by the qualities in names and forms, and free us from restlessness and unhappiness that derive from attachment towards the qualities in names and forms due to being ignorant about the truth of things as it is...
That's why it is not by studying and reading many books and philosophies, or by hearing many teachings, philosophies and stories from this person and that person, or by experiencing "good" and "bad" happenings in life, that will free us from restlessness and unhappiness...
We can be reading many books on philosophies and teachings coming from different enlightened beings or spiritual teachers, but we will still have doubts and ignorant about the truth of things because all those knowledge are not coming from our own realization...
We can be seeing and hearing about other people's experiences about this and that, but still we are not being liberated from fear and worry, pride and arrogance, anger and hatred, dissatisfaction and greed, craving and aversion, and etc...
We can be experiencing many "good" and "bad" things in our life and in our spiritual path in search for liberation, but still, we are not being free from the impurities and suffering that arise in the mind whenever the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses. We are identifying with the doer of the actions and inactions, identifying with the enjoyer of the fruit or the result of the actions and inactions, and identifying with the one who is experiencing all the "good" and "bad" experiences...
Even though Buddha had told us about the Four Noble Truth about suffering, and we may have heard about it many times from books or from people who talk about it, but we are still being conditioned by attachments towards the qualities in names and forms, being over-powered and determined by the perception of "good" and "bad", "happiness" and "suffering", "positive" and "negative", "auspiciousness" and "inauspiciousness", "respectfulness" and "disrespectfulness", "appropriateness" and "inappropriateness", "praise" and "insult" and etc, that derive from the function of our conditional thinking mind, the ego, the intellect, the body and the senses...
We still have craving towards the qualities of names and forms that are being categorized or recognized as "good", "happiness" and "positive" and etc, and have aversion towards the qualities of names and forms that are being categorized or recognized as "bad", "suffering" and "negative" and etc...
Many people had heard about the teaching about non-dualism, namelessness and formlessness, but, how many people are actually be free from being conditioned and determined by all these qualities in names and forms, and still attached strongly to all the perceptions about good and bad, happiness and suffering, positive and negative, auspiciousness and inauspiciousness, respectfulness and disrespectfulness, praise and insult,and etc...
Many people talk about it, preach about it, teach about it, but, how many people are still caught up in attachment towards the perception of names and forms (sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations and thoughts), the body, the mind, the ego and the intellect?
May we keep practice non-attachment... And if there is attachment, we practice letting go of attachment...
At the beginning, we might need to go through many unsuccessful attempts to not attach to names and forms, but there's no judgments, keep practice letting go, and non-attachment... Until one day, the practice will become effortless, when we start to develop insights about the truth of things as it is... Then there is no need any efforts at all to not attach to any names and forms and be free...
When we know the truth of things as it is, there is no anger, no frustration, no dissatisfaction, no disappointment and no unhappiness even though when we see, or hear, or experience something that is "bad" or "wrong", and when something that is "good" or "right" is not happening...
There is nothing wrong if we still be angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy when we see, or hear, or experience all these "bad" and "wrong" happenings, and when we don't experience any "good" and "right" happenings... The one who is being angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy is our selfish and arrogant ego that was being challenged, and it doesn't like or disagree with certain names and forms when the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses...
But, know that by being angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy cannot help to improve anything or to make things become better... It is meaningless and wasting energy...
When we still being disturbed and affected by the "good" and "bad" qualities in names and forms, it indicates that we are still attached towards our mind, our ego and our intellect... No matter how many years of yoga and meditation practice that we have did in the past, it didn't free us from restlessness and suffering... Because we are never in peace constantly being disturbed and affected by all the names and forms due to not knowing the truth of things as it is and have attached onto these names and forms...
May all beings be happy. Be truly happy... Real happiness is not something to be experience or to be found later in the next moment, or next day, or next week, or next year, or next life, or next birth, or after death, or after we did a good action, or when we are being judged as "good" people or "good" beings... But it's right now, in this very present moment... By knowing the Truth of things as it is, and not attach to any names and forms, and not being disturbed, nor affected, nor determined, nor conditioned by the impermanent qualities in names and forms...
When we are free from attachments, we will be undisturbed, unaffected, undetermined and unconditioned by the qualities of names and forms, and thus being free from restlessness and unhappiness that derive from attachments... And then, we can help ourselves and other beings to evolve towards higher consciousness, out of compassion, without any intentions, judgments, comparisons, expectations or attachments towards the fruit or the result of the actions... Just like the universe, allowing and accepting everyone and everything to be exist in the universe... The universe has no intention to be "good" or "bad", or judging this is "good" or "bad", or expecting this will be "good" or "bad"...
Real "yogi" or "Buddhist" or "yoga teacher" does not need to name or label themselves as "yogi" or "Buddhist" or "yoga teacher", and are not determined by how much "yoga practices" or "Buddhism practices" or "yoga classes" that they have been performing, are performing and will be performing... But, they are free from restlessness and suffering by knowing the truth of things as it is, in this present moment now...
There is no doer of the actions... There is no action being performed... There is no enjoyer of the fruit or the result of the action...
There is no yogi, no yoga practice, no fruit of yoga practice...
There is no suffering, no cause of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path of transcending suffering...
There is no yoga teacher, no teaching yoga, no yoga students, no fruit of teaching yoga...
Om shanti.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Yoga practice exists to transcend ignorance and suffering...
Yoga practice exists for beings who are in suffering and who wish to transcend suffering...
If somebody who is peaceful, who is free from suffering, then this being doesn't need to practice yoga... Because this being already knew the Truth about suffering, which is the end of yoga practice...
If our body is sick, then we need to consult a medical doctor and take some medicine to cure whatever sickness that we have and be free from sickness... If our body is not sick, we don't need to consult any doctor or take any medicine to cure anything...
We are not peaceful and not happy, that's why we are looking for peace and happiness... If we are already peaceful and happy, we don't need to look for peace and happiness...
Suffering derives from ignorance...
Ignorance is not knowing the Truth of things...
If we know the Truth of things, there is no ignorance, there is no suffering, there is no need of yoga practice...
If we are free from suffering and are in peace, we don't need to learn or practice yoga... We are already one with yoga, not separated from yoga...
If we are peaceful and happy, we don't need to do something or not doing something to have peace or to attain peace...
We will be peaceful and happy no matter what we do or don't do...
The looking, searching and craving for peace and happiness have come to an end...
Yoga practice is there to help us to remove ignorance, to transcend suffering... Without ignorance, there's no suffering... Without suffering, peace is there...
If we have been performing a lot of yoga and meditation practice, but as long as we are not completely be free from ignorance, we will still be conditioned by unhappiness and suffering because we have craving, clinging, aversion or attachment, that derive from not knowing the Truth of things - being ignorant of the Truth of things...
And the greatest ignorance is being ignorant of ignorance...
When the mind is full of impurities, and is agitated and not calm, then we need to practice yoga and meditation to help to purify the mind and to render it calm and still... If the mind is free from impurities and is calm and in peace, there is no need of any "actions" or "practice" to make the mind pure and calm... It is pure and calm...
When the body and the mind is full of tensions, we need to perform some "actions" or "practice" or "relaxation" to help to release tensions in the body and the mind... If there is no tensions in the body and the mind, there is no need of relaxation or practice or "actions" to release anything... We need relaxation because we are not relaxed... If we are relaxed, do we still need "relaxation" to be relaxed?
And beyond the impermanent forever changing states of the mind, beyond the conditional momentary peaceful calmness of the mind that derives from performing yoga practice, pranayama practice, concentration and meditation practice, is our true nature - unconditional and unlimited real peace that is always there, unchanging, untouched by all states of the mind... It is neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither happiness nor suffering...
The peaceful calmness feeling that comes from the mind after some yoga, pranayama, concentration and meditation practice is impermanent... It will be disturbed and will disappear...
If we are able to go beyond this peaceful state of mind and not attached or clinging onto it, just be aware of the mind being calm or not calm, we are free from being conditioned by any names and forms that the mind is experiencing from moment to moment through the body and the senses of what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think... We are always peaceful... That is our true nature, unconditional peace... This peace doesn't exist nor stop existing... It is not a quality that arise, change and pass away... It is beyond birth and death, beyond existence and non-existence...
There is no craving for peacefulness or happiness... There is no aversion towards unpeacefulness or unhappiness... It is full, content and whole...
Om shanti...
If somebody who is peaceful, who is free from suffering, then this being doesn't need to practice yoga... Because this being already knew the Truth about suffering, which is the end of yoga practice...
If our body is sick, then we need to consult a medical doctor and take some medicine to cure whatever sickness that we have and be free from sickness... If our body is not sick, we don't need to consult any doctor or take any medicine to cure anything...
We are not peaceful and not happy, that's why we are looking for peace and happiness... If we are already peaceful and happy, we don't need to look for peace and happiness...
Suffering derives from ignorance...
Ignorance is not knowing the Truth of things...
If we know the Truth of things, there is no ignorance, there is no suffering, there is no need of yoga practice...
If we are free from suffering and are in peace, we don't need to learn or practice yoga... We are already one with yoga, not separated from yoga...
If we are peaceful and happy, we don't need to do something or not doing something to have peace or to attain peace...
We will be peaceful and happy no matter what we do or don't do...
The looking, searching and craving for peace and happiness have come to an end...
Yoga practice is there to help us to remove ignorance, to transcend suffering... Without ignorance, there's no suffering... Without suffering, peace is there...
If we have been performing a lot of yoga and meditation practice, but as long as we are not completely be free from ignorance, we will still be conditioned by unhappiness and suffering because we have craving, clinging, aversion or attachment, that derive from not knowing the Truth of things - being ignorant of the Truth of things...
And the greatest ignorance is being ignorant of ignorance...
When the mind is full of impurities, and is agitated and not calm, then we need to practice yoga and meditation to help to purify the mind and to render it calm and still... If the mind is free from impurities and is calm and in peace, there is no need of any "actions" or "practice" to make the mind pure and calm... It is pure and calm...
When the body and the mind is full of tensions, we need to perform some "actions" or "practice" or "relaxation" to help to release tensions in the body and the mind... If there is no tensions in the body and the mind, there is no need of relaxation or practice or "actions" to release anything... We need relaxation because we are not relaxed... If we are relaxed, do we still need "relaxation" to be relaxed?
And beyond the impermanent forever changing states of the mind, beyond the conditional momentary peaceful calmness of the mind that derives from performing yoga practice, pranayama practice, concentration and meditation practice, is our true nature - unconditional and unlimited real peace that is always there, unchanging, untouched by all states of the mind... It is neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither happiness nor suffering...
The peaceful calmness feeling that comes from the mind after some yoga, pranayama, concentration and meditation practice is impermanent... It will be disturbed and will disappear...
If we are able to go beyond this peaceful state of mind and not attached or clinging onto it, just be aware of the mind being calm or not calm, we are free from being conditioned by any names and forms that the mind is experiencing from moment to moment through the body and the senses of what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think... We are always peaceful... That is our true nature, unconditional peace... This peace doesn't exist nor stop existing... It is not a quality that arise, change and pass away... It is beyond birth and death, beyond existence and non-existence...
There is no craving for peacefulness or happiness... There is no aversion towards unpeacefulness or unhappiness... It is full, content and whole...
Om shanti...
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