Social conversation / talking / sharing / caring?

Most people need/like/love to talk to some other people most of the time, or even talking to themselves if other people are not available. Talking is a normal thing to do, and a common way to know, learn, express and share, or to have an activity to pass time to chase away boredom and to gratify curiosity. 

 

In many cultures in the society, it's considered 'rude', or 'impolite', or 'inappropriate', or 'wrong', or 'something is wrong', if there's silence among people (especially for a prolonged period of time), or if someone doesn't interact with other people or doesn't get involved in a conversation with other people around, especially those who know one another, even if someone who can't hear or speak, or don't speak the same language, or those who are new comers/complete strangers showing up in a place with some other people around, are also being 'expected' to show at least some sort of acknowledgement through body language/facial expression/sign language/gesture to be conversing/interacting/communicating with other people.

 

People would feel offended, or disrespected, or mistreated, if they don't get any 'expected' response from those whom they want to talk to, where either people didn't give any response, or people talked about something that they aren't interested or don't like to hear, especially something that they perceive and judge as 'offensiveness' that they disagree with.

Many people aren't satisfied with some people just giving a friendly non-intimidating smile to acknowledge or greet other people, but they believe and expect that all human beings need to have certain physical/mental/emotional conversation/communication/interaction/involvement/connection with each other to build a 'healthy' and 'caring' society.

 

Someone who keeps to oneself, who has no unfriendly discrimination or intimidation towards everyone else, but doesn't interested in engaging in any kind of physical/mental/emotional contact/conversation/interaction/communication/involvement/connection with anyone, is being seen as 'wrong', 'selfish', 'unhealthy', or 'sicked', by all the others who 'expect' certain 'normal' and 'healthy' behavior/action/reaction/interaction among 'normal' and 'healthy' human beings.

Many passionate/sociable/friendly/caring people couldn't understand or respect that there are people who prefer complete quietness/solitude or some quiet/alone time and space for themselves. People would either feel 'bad' or get 'offended' when other people reject or don't accept their friendly invitation to meet up, or get together, or to chat.

People need/want to share 'what I think is who I am' and 'how I think and feel' with other people and they want other people to share with them 'what they think is who they are' and 'how they think and feel'.

 

Majority of the worldly so called 'normal', 'healthy', 'friendly' and 'caring' society is all about developing and empowering that egoistic 'self-identity' which attached and identified with certain qualities of names and forms and 'the modification of the mind of impermanent thinking, emotions and feelings' as 'this is I' and that is not 'I', even in the yoga community that is supposed to be free from all kinds of egoistic attachment and identification, to realize selflessness/namelessness/formlessness/attributelessness.

For those who know each other, mostly the conversation begins with "How are you?" and then naturally will be followed by talking about the past and the future, "What have you been doing and where did you go and what's next?"

 

While for those first time meeting/knowing each other, it's mostly talking about self-introduction of each other about "Who I am/who you are." or "This is me and my name/my nationality/my life/my family/my relationship/my friends/my experience/my knowledge/my interest/my ambition/my passion/my vision/my point of view/my ideas/my talent/my skill/my achievement/my non-achievement/my success/my failure/my pride/my shame/my good/my bad/my happiness/my unhappiness/my guilt and regret, and so on. This is who I am, where I come from/where I live and what I do for living and at free time, and what I think/believe/feel/like/dislike/agree with/disagree with/want/don't want, my good/bad/happy/unhappy experiences, and what I did in the past and will be doing in the future." As well as talking about "This is good/better/right/positive/excellent/happy/funny/meaningful/encouraging and that is bad/worse/wrong/negative/terrible/unhappy/sad/meaningless/discouraging." or some 'obligated social ethical manner' of pleasant words, praise and compliment. And sometimes there will be scheming, plotting, cover-up/made-up stories telling, or hypocrisy, or lies, or gossip, or mocking, or teasing, or flirting, or criticism, or condemn, or slander, or back-biting, or finger pointing, or argument, or intimidation, and etc.

Social conversation or talking is an intense physical/mental/emotional energy consuming process that keeps the mind ceaselessly stimulated and restlessly receiving/processing inputs and generating/delivering outputs, while all these ceaseless mind inputs and outputs generate further random mental/emotional imprints that doesn't allow the mind to be quiet, and unwittingly empowering egoism of worldly/spiritual attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation that feeds ignorance and egoism in oneself and others.

For those who sincerely want to meditate or practice yoga to be free from ignorance, it's all about freeing the mind from being unwittingly empowering all those names and forms, of duality, attachment, identification, past experiences, future anticipation, passionate desires, craving/aversion, judgment, comparison, expectation, restlessness, impurities, and etc, to stop feeding egoism and ignorance. And hence, the important practice of silence, renunciation, seclusion and solitude.

Without renunciation from the worldly society, one is being 'obliged' to meet up/get together/communicate/interact with many other people of family/relatives/friends circle/community and spend so much energy into social conversation/interaction/communication/activity with all the others around in order to 'build' and 'maintain' a 'healthy, caring and friendly society' that might make the mind feels 'love', 'kindness', 'acknowledgement', 'goodness', 'positiveness', 'liveliness' and 'meaningfulness'. 

 

There's nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't help to free the mind from ignorance and egoism, to quiet/annihilate the restless modification of the mind. Instead, the mind might attached stronger onto the sense of 'love', 'kindness', 'acknowledgement', 'goodness', 'positiveness', 'liveliness' and 'meaningfulness' deriving from the impermanent and selfless worldly names and forms of all kinds of attachment and egoistic identity, actions and the fruit of actions.

From the perception/achievement/notion of "Life in this world is good and meaningful," give rise to the desire of "We need to preserve and protect life in this world to stay good and meaningful." And from there, it gives rise to the sense of 'dissatisfaction', 'frustration', 'hurts', 'depression', 'unhappiness', 'anger', 'disappointment', 'fear', 'worry', and etc, when things are not being the way that the mind desires it to be, when there are obstacles/difficulties/circumstances that hinder the gratification of that desire to be building/maintaining/protecting what the mind think and believe as 'Good and meaningful life in this world'. This is attachment/clinging/craving/expectation.

First, there's an idea/thought arise in the mind, then arise the attachment/clinging onto that idea/thought which gives rise to the desire to materialize that idea/thought to become action/creation, and then there's possessiveness/identification/expectation/protection towards that action/creation and the result/fruit of that action/creation. If things turn out to be the way that is not what the mind desire/expect it to be, the mind feels disturbed/dissatisfied/disappointed/hurt/sad/unhappy/depressed/frustrated/angry/aggressive/violent and so on. And ceaseless random ideas/thoughts arise to counter those 'tension' accumulating in the mind. Restless.

Those who have firm foundation in non-attachment and dispassion, or those who know thyself or selflessness, or maybe those who think and believe "I have done and achieved everything that I desire and I can die in peace at any time from now without regret," can mix into the worldly society and perform many actions to help to build a 'caring and friendly society' in the world, but without being distracted or influenced by the constant restless physical/mental/emotional interaction/activity, being undetermined by the actions and the fruit of actions, being free from disturbs, hurts, disappointment, dissatisfaction, frustration, or guilt/regret. This is non-attachment/non-clinging/non-craving/non-expectation.

One can mix with many people and constantly talk about "This is my name, my nationality, my family, my friends, my relatives, my community, my past, my present, my future, my actions and fruit of my actions, my thinking/belief/culture/point of view/feelings/emotions/experiences, or this and that is happening/has happened/will be happening here and there, and so on." as all these names and forms are what most people talk about in any conversation and where people identifying with all these names and forms as "who they think they are", but knowing clearly that all these names and forms are not "who I am" or 'I' for the minds that know thyself or selflessness.

When someone is being alone or in silence at peace being in their own 'space', people around will be concern and ask, "Are you okay? Is there something bothering you? You can talk to me. I'm here to listen."

There's nothing wrong when people feel sad, or unhappy, or depressed, or disappointed, or frustrated, or negative once in a while, and most people feel that they need to talk to someone to share their feelings and what's bothering them, to release some tension or to get some advice. People don't have to be okay, or satisfy, or happy all the time. But those who know what is going on in the mind, they know that all pleasant and unpleasant emotions and feelings are impermanent, and they do not attached or identified with any pleasant or unpleasant emotions and feelings. There is nothing to be sad, unhappy, depressed, disappointed, frustrated or negative about, that need to be talking or sharing with someone else, or to release any tension, as there's no tension built up, or to get any advice, as there's no problems.

Those who know this, they can be peaceful and happy as they are, no matter what.

Those who don't know this, they don't have to be happy all the time and they can't be happy no matter what.

 

It's okay sometimes the mind is not okay and not happy with certain things. There's nothing wrong with that. But when they think no body is being there to share their thinking/feelings/problems, to be talking to other people, or to be listening by other people, they might feel more sad, unhappy, disappointed, depressed, frustrated, or negative. And hence, people believe that "People should be available to be talking to and listening to other people all the time. Most people need to feel better through talking to other people. While those who want to listen and share about other people's feelings and emotions would feel good and meaningful when there are people want to talk to them." There's nothing wrong with that but it doesn't free the mind (of the one who talks and the one who listens) from ignorance/attachment/craving/expectation. Just like giving an unhappy and crying child the sweets and sugary drinks that the child wants every time to make the child stop being unhappy and crying if the child doesn't get the sweets and sugary drinks, doesn't really help the child at all. There's no freedom.

"It feels so good talking to you. Let's meet up regularly and talk more," and "Talking to me can make you feel better and make me feel so good and meaningful. Let's meet up and talk more often." If for some reasons that these two people are not possible to meet up and talk as expected/desired/needed, both would feel bad, sad and disappointed. There's no freedom.

Just like practicing yoga exercises and teaching yoga to other people would generate the momentary sense of well-being, goodness and meaningfulness, and if for some reasons one couldn't practice yoga exercises or teach yoga for a prolonged period of time, one would feel frustrated, disappointed and meaningless. There's no freedom.

Most people/minds don't like to hear this.

"Compassion is not about giving the mind what it likes and wants, or what it craves for, to be empowering the ignorance and egoism in the mind to make the ego feels better, good, satisfied or happy. Compassion is allowing the suffering unhappy disturbed mind to inquire into the truth of suffering, unhappiness and disturbs, by freeing the mind from ignorance, egoism, restlessness and impurities, to see the truth of the root cause of all suffering of disturbs/hurts/unhappiness/disappointment/dissatisfaction/fear/worry, where all kinds of suffering is deriving from one's ignorance and egoism or ceaseless egoistic mind reactions towards the gratification/non-gratification of the desire of craving and aversion. If one's desire is being gratified by getting what one likes and wants, and not getting what one doesn't like and doesn't want, then the mind reacts and feels good, satisfied and happy. And when one's desire is not being gratified, where one is not getting what one likes and wants, but is getting what one doesn't like and doesn't want, then the mind reacts and feels bad, dissatisfied and unhappy. It's nothing to do with the experiences or names and forms being 'bad', 'wrong', 'terrible', 'disturbing', or 'hurtful'."

 

Upon seeing the truth of what is going on in one's mind, this mind doesn't need anyone to be there to be listening to any 'disturbed feelings and emotions', as there's none. There's no problem that need to be shared or talked about. This is maturity. This is real independence. This is freedom. But, unfortunately not many people appreciate this independence and freedom, but only looking forward to be building mental and emotional connection and dependency among one another to feel good and meaningful.

The teachings/practice/process of freeing the mind from ignorance and egoism, it's not something pleasant or agreeable to the worldly ignorant egoistic passionate minds at all, but it can effectively free the mind from suffering deriving from ignorance and egoism.

It's everyone's freedom for what they want to practice, or not.

Be free.

Verbal diarrhea?

The yoga and meditation practice are supposed to be quieting the restless outgoing talkative mind. Usually after a complete session of traditional yoga practice or a meditation sitting in silence, the mind would be rendered so quiet that there's nothing to say, or talk, or share, or complain about, especially for the next few hours or so. However, there are some restless minds that are suffering from 'verbal diarrhea' might can't stop talking immediately after the practice session finished, after being restrained from talking during the 2 - 3 hours of yoga practice or 1 - 2 hours of meditation sitting in silence. This is a common behavior (sort of a side-effect) of the restless mind especially after people finish a long silent yoga and/or meditation retreat. Sincere yoga practitioners need to know how to free the mind from 'verbal diarrhea', especially after a long time observing silence.

Yoga practitioners need to be aware of whether their minds are suffering from 'verbal diarrhea', which is a sign of a seriously restless mind.

Meanwhile, there are some people who don't really know/understand about the meaning of yoga and meditation practice which is mainly to silent/quiet the restless outgoing talkative mind, and they would want to engage in social conversation with other people immediately after the 'yoga class' finished, they might feel offended by some people whose minds are in silent mode after the yoga and meditation practice, where they are not interested in engaging in social conversation with anyone, but would rather be isolated from the rest of the people, to be alone, to be 'resting' in the state of quietness for as long as possible.

Those who attend sincere 'yoga retreat' that is about quieting the mind should have an understanding about this, so that they wouldn't feel offended by some people who's minds are in silent mode after the practice, and try not to 'disturb' these minds that are resting in silence during and after the yoga and meditation practice, which is the 'precious' state of mind for sincere yoga and meditation practitioners.

Majority of the people in the society who encourage 'active engagement in conversation or talking with other people' for promoting a 'happier' state of mind or 'better' physical/mental/emotional health, might not understand the greatness of silence, where the mind is free from all kinds of disturbs, unhappiness or suffering, being in the present moment free from desire of craving and aversion, being undisturbed/undetermined by pleasant/unpleasant or agreeable/disagreeable experiences, where people have nothing that they need to be 'talking', 'sharing' or 'complaining' about to other people.

Before, during and after the yoga class

Attending yoga classes is what most people do when they think they want to learn and practice yoga.

Naturally, many people would also make use of the opportunity of joining yoga classes to be interacting or socializing with other people, to be making friendships or mixing into a 'yoga community', especially before and after the yoga class. People like to talk or have a conversation with other people getting to know each other, before and after the yoga class, and sometimes even during the yoga class, due to the restless outgoing passionate mind. Though there's nothing wrong with that, just that it's not what yoga practice is about.

Many people attend yoga classes are mainly for doing some yoga exercises to attain the goal of fitness training. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, just that it's not what yoga practice is about.

Silencing the mind or transcending the mind perception of worldly life existence of impermanent names and forms (which is the annihilation of the thinking mind under the influence of ignorance, egoism and impurities) is the main objective of performing all kinds of yoga practice, whether people like or agree with it, or not.

Getting to know about this mind or what is going on in this mind is the practice.

Restraining the outgoing mind to turn the mind inward for self-introspection is the practice.

Quieting the restless busy mind is the practice.

Withdraw the senses from the objects of the senses is the practice.

Reducing and restricting mind activities and imprints (inputs and outputs) is the practice.

Reducing and restricting social interactions, conversations and activities is the practice.

Purifying the mind to free the mind from impurities is the practice.

Eliminating egoism of attachment, identification, desire of craving and aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation is the practice.

Letting go worldly ideas, objects, thinking, belief and behavior is the practice.

Being dispassionate and disinterest towards worldly affairs, objects, ideas, activities, social interactions and relationships is the practice.

Going beyond the mind perception of names and forms of a worldly life existence that is impermanent and selfless (there's no 'I' existing to be in control of all the impermanent changes) is the practice.

Transcending the idea of 'I' and all kinds of fear and worry that exist due to the idea of 'I' is the practice.

Contemplating upon what is real and unreal is the practice - All kinds of impermanent names and forms in this worldly life existence perceived under the function of the mind is unreal. When the mind is absence there's no world. The nameless, formless, attributeless, changeless, beginningless, endless, birthless, deathless Brahman is real.

Before and during the yoga class, there might be some doubts in the minds of the yoga students, there might be some questions that they would like to ask the yoga teachers to get some answers to clear their doubts if possible.

During the yoga class, under the guidance of the teacher, everyone should be focusing on their own practice, being aware of and unattached towards the mind activities and reactions while performing the yoga practice according to the present condition of the body and the state of the mind, working diligently to quieting the restless outgoing passionate doubtful mind.

After the yoga class (Yoga practice that is about silencing the mind, freeing the mind from restlessness due to egoistic attachment, identification, craving, aversion, judgment, comparison and expectation), the minds that truly immersed into the practice will be in a momentary state of quietness, calmness and question-less, due to the effect of the practice of quieting the mind. They'll find that there are no more questions in the mind (the mind is silent), and if there is still doubt existing in the mind (the mind is moving), they understood that the answers to all their questions must be coming from their own direct experience and self-realization, it's not coming from asking other people (the teachers) to get some answers, as it won't clear their doubts, because they will never know whether the answers coming from other people (the teachers) are true, or not.

Those who know this, will continue to evolve and transcend the egoistic impure thinking mind, regardless any amount of difficulties and obstacles that might arise during the practice, without the supervision or guidance of any external teachers (in human form), without judgment or expectation, leading the mind towards silence of the mind - pure consciousness.

Those who don't know this, will be doing some forms of yoga exercises under the instructions of some other people (the teachers) regularly, but their minds might still be conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking, belief and behavior, being busy with the worldly affairs, objects, ideas, activities, social interactions and relationships, finding attention, love, support, acknowledgment, companionship, satisfaction, fulfillment and meaningfulness in this mind perception of a worldly life existence, while regularly attending the yoga classes, meeting up and mingling with other yoga enthusiasts/community, talking about the past, the present and the future, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, intentions and expectations, aspirations and inspirations, inspiring and motivating each other, and planning outing, gathering and doing some social activities together. And that's their freedom.

Be free.

Truthfulness and worldly social mingling and interaction

To practice truthfulness (one of the basic practice of yoga), we learn how to minimize as much as possible from engaging in worldly social mingling and interaction, because these worldly social activities empower egoism and strengthen worldly ideas, which is the opposite of yoga practice.

If we analyze our daily interactions and conversations with other people, we will see that it's mostly about the empowerment of egoistic personal and worldly attachment, identification, judgment, comparison, expectation, desires of craving and aversion, the past and the future. Yoga practice is to free the mind from all these mind activities of egoism. There is also intentional and unintentional hypocrisy, untruthfulness and ego flattering elements in many of the social interactions and conversations.

It's a normal cultural social politeness for many people to be HYPOCRITE and UNTRUTHFUL and FLATTERING when interacting with other people, to maintain 'good relationship' with everyone in the society and this game of hypocrisy and untruthfulness exists even among family members, couples and friends.

Most people don't want to know the truth as the truth is not necessarily something that they like or agree with.

Since little, everyone was being taught to be polite, to be good and say only good thing in front of everyone, to please other people, to gain love and liking, and acknowledgment/acceptance/recognition from other people, to maintain 'good relationship' with everyone, but then, behind people's back, there's complaints, gossips, slandering, back-biting, criticism, blame, or bitching. There are many this type of 'good relationships' everywhere in the worldly life. And this is being perceived as the 'correct' behavior or 'normal' way of life in the society and in the family. People don't like truthfulness and straightforwardness. Being truthful and straightforward is something very rude and wrong.

Truth seekers don't waste energy, time and effort in this worldly egoistic game of accumulating and cultivating such type of 'good relationships'. And hence, the practice of silence comes into everyday life to minimize involving in unnecessary social game of hypocrisy, untruthfulness and flattering of the ego of oneself and others. Performing selfless service in a huge community, is not about cultivating and accumulating personal friendships or relationships at all, if one truly knows what is selflessness and selfless service.

There are not many 'yoga and meditation enthusiasts' have the understanding, initiative and willpower to cut down or cut off worldly passionate social activities. It's a painful and contradicting process for the mind to retreat from worldly social activities, as it is going against 'normal cultural thinking and behavior'. There are lots of 'justifications' coming from the egoistic mind to avoid or give up renunciation from a passionate worldly life of social activities.

Those who aren't really interested in the path of yoga and meditation to free the mind from the root cause of all suffering - ignorance and egoism, they don't have to practice truthfulness or dispassion or renunciation from worldly social activities.

It's everyone's freedom for what they want to do with their life existence, and what they want to think and believe.

Eating by oneself? Enjoy the silent moment and be aware of the eating process...

We think and believe that eating by oneself is somehow 'not right' or 'not healthy'. We think there should be some kind of social conversation or interaction with some other people while having meals. We don't feel 'happy' to be having our meals by ourselves. We think it is strange and anti-social to be having meals by oneself.

But nobody would think and believe that when we do big and small 'business' in the toilet by oneself is anything 'not right' and 'not healthy'.

In the Ashram, we eat in silence. Even though there might be many people eating together at the same time in the huge dining hall, we should maintain silence and concentrate on our eating process. We don't talk nor socialize while eating. Same as during chanting session, yoga asana practice, or meditation practice, we don't talk or socialize. We don't think there's any anti-social elements in it. We don't think it is 'not right' or 'not healthy'. There must be reason why it is conducive for our yoga and meditation practice to be in silence most of the time.

When we realize what is oneness and non-separateness, beyond names and forms, there's no separation between ourselves and everyone and everything, even when we appear to be alone by ourselves in this moment now.

Minds...

Minds...

Minds.

Always busy. Constantly reacting towards what it perceives. Can’t stop thinking, constructing ideas and words, expressing and talking.

It either doesn’t know how to be quiet, or it doesn’t like to be silent even just for a few moments.

It’s interested in engaging interactive conversations with some other minds that it comes in contact with.

It expects some sorts of response or interaction in return.

It expects and thinks, as a ‘normal behavior’ in a society, there is obligation to engage and interact in a conversation whenever somebody started a conversation.

When there’s no response or interaction in return the way that it expected it to be,
It puzzles.
It feels abnormal.
It feels offended.
It generates different assumptions and judgements.

‘Why won’t you talk back to me when I am talking to you?’
‘Hello?! I am talking to you. Why don’t you say something or answer my questions?’
‘Are you angry with me?’
‘Are you unhappy?’
‘Is there something bothering you?’
‘Don’t you know how to be polite and response when somebody is talking to you?’
‘Don’t you know how to have a social conversation?’
‘Such an arrogant and rude person!’
‘Such a strange person.’
‘Ah! So frustrated and uninteresting to have a conversation with you!’
‘No fun talking to you!’
‘I’m not going to talk to you!’
………….