Friendliness towards all beings without discrimination, intention and expectation

This teaching is a contemplation for those who are interested in learning and practicing yoga and meditation, to silent the restless impure egoistic mind. Those who are not interested in practicing yoga or meditation to silent the mind don't need to observe or contemplate on this teaching.

Friendliness in yoga is nothing to do with outgoing sociable talkative personality or behavior, or being sociable to be accumulating personal connection and friendship with as many people as possible.

Being friendly to all beings doesn't mean that one has to be sociable and talkative, or accumulating many personal friendships that involve engagement in physical/verbal/mental interactions and activities from time to time.

Being sociable and talkative doesn't necessarily mean that one is being friendly towards all beings without the influence of egoistic discrimination of likes and dislikes, selfish intention and expectation.

Quite many people, including health professionals think and believe that being alone by oneself, or being quiet or not being talkative, especially in young children, is something 'sick/unhealthy', 'bad', 'negative', or 'wrong'. The best time for yoga and meditation practice is when everyone else has gone to sleep. Why? Because it's the only precious time of quietness and peacefulness available on earth in that time zone without people doing things, playing, arguing, negotiating, making noises, shouting, scheming, plotting, or talking. Does that quietness and peacefulness on earth when everyone/the minds being away in sleep, being non-interacting, non-socializing, non-talking, or non-action causes more chaos in the world? Nope. Instead, when people/the minds are awake, many people criticize other people who don't talk much as being unhealthy, disturbing, rude and unfriendly.

The friendliness in yoga and meditation practice is about respecting all beings as they are, being free from the sense of superiority or inferiority, without egoism of attachment, identification, possessiveness, discrimination of likes and dislikes, desire of craving and aversion, intention or expectation, without dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurt, fear, offensiveness, hostility, ill-thinking, or ill-will towards all beings, be undisturbed and without interference towards other people being what they are, being different from oneself, or having different thinking, belief, practice, values, behavior, action and reaction from oneself, without intention of accumulating friendship or companionship from other people to get rid of boredom or loneliness, or to be accessible for support and help whenever one needs one, without expecting other people have to live life, behave, act, or react in the way that one thinks how it should be, or expecting other people to treat oneself in the way that how one would like to be treated.

People who would feel disturbed or offended if other people do not join in their conversation, or are disinterested in their invitation to a function or event, are due to their own expectation towards how other people should response towards their 'friendliness'. People get unhappy, disappointed, or offended when they don't get the response that they expect to be getting from other people. Those who are truly friendly won't mind at all if other people are not interested to participate in any of their conversation or event.

Those who are truly friendly, it's not necessarily that they are sociable, or talkative, or actively engaging and interacting with other people. They might be very quiet and mind their own things. But, they have no ill-will, ill-thinking, ill-talking, judgment, criticism, condemn, gossip, slander, disrespectfulness, animosity, offensiveness, interference, or expectation towards other people's different way of life, thinking, belief, practice, values, behavior, action, and reaction.

Take a look into most of the common conversations among people, we will see that these conversations are mostly full of talking about hanging onto the past, projecting into the future, planning, plotting, scheming, worldly/personal attachment, worldly/personal identification, pride, desire, fear and worry, and lots of complaint, moaning, dissatisfaction, disappointment, blame, ill-will, ill-thinking, ill-talking, criticism, condemn, gossip, slander, back-biting, hypocrisy, lies, story telling, untruthfulness, justification, boasting, manipulation, as well as interference or expectation towards other people's way of life, thinking, belief, practice, values, behavior, action, and reaction. It's not that all these human social activities are bad or wrong, but the yoga and meditation practice is to free the mind from all these worldly habits of physical/verbal/mental/emotional activities/restlessness of impurities.

It's very common that when people want to talk to other people and they expect other people to talk to them in response to their 'friendliness', but then they would feel greatly disturbed or offended if other people don't response to their 'friendliness', or when other people talk to them but they are talking about things that they don't like and don't want to hear, that they disagree with.

The most effective way to help oneself or anyone to be free from all the 'problems' or 'suffering' that one thinks and believes is what disturbing one's mind, that one feels and thinks that one needs to talk to other people to talk about one's problem or suffering to seek help or advice, is to be quiet and listen. Listen to the Dhamma that is here and everywhere when the mind is quiet, and the mind will see the truth of 'unhappiness', 'problems', or 'suffering'. It's not about expecting someone, or other people, or guru, or God to be there to listen to one's problems, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, hurt, fear, worry, complaint, blame, moaning, or bitching about other people that one feels angry or unhappy with, that one doesn't like and doesn't agree with, so that one will feel slightly relieved or feel better about oneself for a few moments, but then the mind continues to be restless and disturbed by the ongoing worldly life experiences that are not necessarily the way that one likes it to be, or the mind perception of names and forms that the ego doesn't like, doesn't want, and doesn't agree with, while thinking and believing that one's 'unhappiness', 'problems' or 'suffering' are caused by the experiences or qualities of names and forms that the mind thinks and believes as 'bad', 'wrong', or 'negative'.

Performing yoga and meditation practice, especially attending silent meditation retreats or courses, will allow people with a disturbed/unhappy/suffering mind to learn to be quiet and listen to or seeing the Dhamma that will free the mind from ignorance, egoism, and impurities, and thus be free from all kinds of 'unhappiness', 'problems' or 'suffering', and one doesn't need to talk/complain/boast about anything. One doesn't need someone, or other people, or guru, or God, to be there to listen to one's complaints, as there's none. The mind is silent and peaceful, so as the surrounding environment is also undisturbed by a silent peaceful mind. That is true friendliness towards all beings and the environment.

Be free.

Feel offended by other people's 'non-sociable' personality or practice of silence?

Walk alone, live alone, eat alone and meditate alone. Cut off all connections ruthlessly. Hide yourself away. Do not build ashram. Do not hoard disciples. Do not mix. Do not associate. - Swami Sivananda (excerpts from Concentration and Meditation)

Many friendly sociable good people who are interested in yoga and meditation practice, but somehow, they don't really understand the core teachings and practice of yoga and meditation of silencing the mind, would feel very intimidated or offended by the teachings and practice of turning the mind inwards for self-introspection and silencing the mind, through the practice of seclusion and solitude (cutting off from all social interactions and connections), where the sociable friendly good people would feel very uncomfortable and intimidated being with those who do not engage in social interactive activity and conversation. They criticize people who observe silence, seclusion and solitude as being 'unfriendly', as their minds are being conditioned by certain ideas and standards to categorize people into 'friendly people' or 'unfriendly people' in the social world based on what they think is friendliness and unfriendliness.

Those who don't talk much, or don't engage in a social interactive conversation with other people, or don't invade or interfere with other people's way of life, thinking and behavior, who don't comment or acknowledge about other people (whether it's something good or bad), are being recognized as 'unfriendly' or 'uncaring' in the sociable society.

"People in a room do not talk to each other is so wrong." This is the thinking and belief of the passionate worldly minded people.

People attending a 'silent meditation retreat/course' complain about people in the retreat/course are so unfriendly because they don't talk or aren't interactive with one another?!

But what kind of bad actions have these people who are being perceived by friendly sociable good people as 'unfriendly and uncaring people' done to other people? Nothing. In fact, they are helping the world to have less conflict and have more peace by observing silence when they do not go around judging or expecting other people to behave in certain ways that they think it should be. They do their own things and don't invade or interfere with other people's way of life and do not generate inconvenience for other people. That is already a great contribution to the society. We should be grateful and thankful to them.

The nature of those who observe silence appears to be 'not fun', non-concerning and non-engaging with other friendly sociable people who expect all human beings should be fun to hang out with, should be active in social interaction, to be talkative, to be engaging and connecting with other human beings physically and verbally, it's not surprised that why people feel 'wrong', 'awkward', 'unwelcome', 'disrespected', 'hurt', 'offended', 'intimidated', 'unconcerned', 'unnoticed', 'unacknowledged', and so on, when they come in contact with those who observe silence. All these reactions of a disturbed state of the mind are coming from their own minds reacting towards something that they dislike and disagree with, that is different from their familiar social cultural practice, and it's nothing to do with whether other people are being 'friendly' to them, or not.

People would feel disturbed and offended by other people whom they think are not being 'friendly' enough towards them, as they expect friendly treatment from others the way that they think it should be. There's an issue with themselves, not with other people. Other people have the freedom to behave as they are, to be friendly or unfriendly towards anyone.

Because of most friendly sociable good people would feel greatly disturbed and offended by other people who observe silence of the mind, that's why it's better for the yoga and meditation practitioners to retreat from the society to observe seclusion and solitude.

'Friendliness' in the path of yoga and meditation is nothing to do with accumulating friendships, constantly visiting each other to stay connecting, to be hanging out from time to time to do some social activities together, and get into worldly conversation of commentary, criticism, mocking, flirting, boasting, story telling, mourning, grumbling, debate and discussion, and so on. 'Friendliness' in Yoga is when the mind is being free from ill-thinking, ill-will, anger, hatred, jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, fear, offensiveness, defensiveness, judgment, expectation, interference, invasion, violence or hostility towards all and everyone, free from discrimination of friends or not friends, superiority or inferiority, that based on personal likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements.

When people don't do anything that intentionally to hurt us, or disturb our peaceful life, or cause inconvenience to us, or interfere with our freedom of thinking, action and speech or way of life and conduct, that is what true friendliness is about.

When people in the society who think they are friendly people criticizing or mocking those whom they think are unfriendly people, then they don't know the true meaning of friendliness, as themselves are being unfriendly, by having such ill-thinking and criticism towards other people whom they disagree with, and feel offended or intimidated by other people's silence of action and speech, and they interfere with other people's freedom of actions, to act or not to act (where the action of not talking to other people when there are people around is being perceived as unfriendly, offensive and wrong for the worldly friendly sociable good people who believe and expect people should be talking and interacting with one another passionately.)

There is nothing wrong, offensive or intimidating when people are not interested to engage in any 'friendly' and 'caring' conversation with us. But the expectation from us towards other people that all 'normal' and 'good' people must somehow be engaging in interactive conversation with us to show friendliness to us, is what make us feel offended, intimidated, or wrong, when we don't receive the interaction the way that we expect it to be. We are the one who is intimidating and offending other people's freedom of action and behavior. But we don't see it this way.

If people truly love the world and want to build a peaceful harmony society, it's not about expecting other people to conform to our own way of life, thinking, belief, cultural practice and behavior that we think is the way it should be. But it's to respect everyone to be different and allowing everyone to be different, without invading or interfering with other people's way of life, thinking, belief and behavior that are different from ours.

It's okay if people don't want to be sociable with other people for any reasons or for no reason at all. It's okay if people are not interested in engaging in some form of interactive activities or conversation with us. It's okay if people want to keep to themselves and are not interested to connect with anyone, to live a quiet secluded life. At least they don't do anything intentionally that would hurt or disturb our life or the environment. We are free to feel what we want to feel, but if we feel disturbed by other people's particular behavior is because we are disturbed by our own mind reaction towards their behavior that we dislike and disagree with.

When people talk too much, or talk non-sense or subject that we aren't interested in, especially when we want some quiet time to ourselves, or when people want to know too many things that we prefer to keep to ourselves, we complain about them for being overly warm and too friendly or busybody.

When people don't talk to us or interact with us, and don't ask anything about us that we would like to share with other people, we also complain about them for being 'cold', 'unfriendly' and 'uncaring'.

Contemplate and be free.

Friendliness is about respecting everyone to be different from oneself, to be what they are, as they are

Friendliness doesn't necessarily mean making social contacts or personal friendships and hanging out together, connecting, interacting and socializing with other like-minded people. It is about respecting everyone, whom we know or don't know, to be different from oneself, to be what they are, as they are, being free from discrimination, judgment, expectation, superiority/inferiority and self-righteousness.

Those who are open-minded and free from egoism will not interfere with other people's thinking and belief that are different from them, and won't be disturbed or offended by other people's thinking and belief that one doesn't like and doesn't agree with, and have peace and harmony in oneself. And they allow other people to dislike or disagree with their thinking and belief, being undisturbed and not be offended or insulted by other people's dislike and disagreement towards oneself. But not many are open-minded and egoless. Lots of conflict, argument and violence derived from closed-minded and egoistic mind reactions towards what the ego doesn't like and doesn't agree with, being disturbed and offended by one's dislike and disagreement towards other people's thinking and belief that is different from oneself, or be disturbed and offended or insulted by other people's dislikes and disagreements towards one's thinking and belief which one thinks is right, or true, or superior.

Putting the blame onto other people's thinking and belief and behavior that our minds think and believe as wrong and bad, that we don't like and don't agree with, for the peacelessness and disharmony in us, is ignorance. It's how the ego reacts towards something that it doesn't like and doesn't agree with, that causes the peacelessness and disharmony in the mind.

In yoga or Buddhism, friendliness is the ability to be able to be aware of all the different qualities of names and forms in different people or beings, and be able to respect everyone as they are, even though we might not like or agree with them of their thinking, their beliefs, or their behavior, without judgment or criticism, without trying to change or control those whom we dislike or disagree with to be what we would like them to be, or to be the way that we think they should be. Instead, we have self-awareness, self-discipline and self-control over our own thoughts, actions and speech, being free from discrimination or prejudice that based on our personal likes and dislikes or agreements and disagreements influenced by our own personal thinking and belief about what things are and how things should be like.

One can keep one's personal thinking and belief as well as what one practices or doesn't practice to oneself, and allows other people or beings to have their own thinking and belief, and what they practice or don't practice that are different from oneself, without interfering with other people's freedom of thinking, actions and speech, even if their thinking, actions and speech might cause disturbs or harmful damages to themselves and other beings. But, allowing everyone to develop self-awareness, self-discipline and self-control over their own thoughts, actions and speech via self-realization for the well-being of themselves and others.

The pride and arrogance towards 'I' am better and more superior than all the others is why the ego constantly judging and criticizing and interfering with other people or beings that one doesn't like and doesn't agree with. The thinking and belief of 'I' am good and right, 'I' want the world to be good and right, 'I' want other people to be good and right, 'I' should correct these people or beings whom 'I' think they are not good and wrong, whom I think their thinking and belief and behavior are inferior than mine, is merely coming from the ego, it's not the teachings or the practice of yoga.

In yoga and Buddhism, if one truly wants to do good and be good and wants the world to be good, one focuses and works diligently on self-inquiry by taming and quieting one's mind through self-discipline and self-control, to be determined to free one's mind from ignorance and egoism, and allows everyone to be what they are, as they are, and allows the world to be what it is, as it is. If everyone knows this and frees their minds from ignorance and egoism, the world will be free from all kinds of discrimination, prejudice, hatred, jealousy, greed, possessiveness, fear, exploitation, conflict, war, or violence. All these affliction arise due to people want to interfere with other people's thinking, belief and behavior that one doesn't like and doesn't agree with.

Find out what really happens when there is conflict or argument or unrest between two people? May it be between the parents and their children, the husband and the wife, two friends, two strangers, two neighbours, two religions, two communities, or two countries. It's all deriving from ignorance and egoism and impurities of dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, possessiveness, exploitation, selfish desires and expectations, feelings of hurt and insult, pride and arrogance, offensiveness and defensiveness, or fear and worry. It's not because one party is 'good and right' and the other party is 'bad and wrong'. If either one party is truly 'good and right', there's no conflict or argument at all. There will be peace and harmony in oneself even when the mind perceives and is aware of something is 'not good or wrong' based on the thinking and belief in one's mind.

If people want to believe or disbelieve in God, that's everyone's freedom.

Be truly friendly. Only when one knows what is true friendliness, one will also know what is compassion. Or else, even though one talks about and promotes compassion, and wants to be compassionate, but one couldn't be truly compassionate if one's mind isn't free from ignorance and egoism yet.

Be free.

Friendliness and making friends are two different things...

Being friendly to all beings is not the same as when we want to be friend with certain people whom we like and agree with, and expect some sort of friendship, accompany and social interaction in return.

A person who is an introvert, who doesn't talk much and doesn't appear to be warm nor sociable, but it's not necessarily unfriendly. Not having many friends to hang out with doesn't necessarily means that we are unfriendly beings. We might be free from negative thinking and judgment about ourselves and other people, and have no ill-thinking and ill-will towards ourselves and others.

A person can be an extrovert, who might be talkative and appear to be very warm and sociable, but it's not necessarily friendly. Having many friends to hang out with doesn't necessarily means that we are friendly beings. We might have lots of negative thinking and judgment about ourselves and other people, and have ill-thinking and ill-will towards ourselves and others.

In a casual conversation among people whether it's with somebody whom we recognize as friend or acquaintance, what we talk about usually are mostly about the past, the future, third party, judgment, comparison, expectation, likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements, as well as using mocking, teasing, criticism, slandering, back-biting about someone else as an entertaining subject to talk about and laugh about. One common thing that happens naturally in human social conversation is we like to say nice things in front of other people, but then we will mock, tease and criticize about them behind their back. All these interactive conversations are actually move our mind away from the present moment, and are empowering ignorance, impurities and egoism.

One of our yoga practice is talk less, and strictly refrain from any interactive conversations that involve slandering, back-biting, condemn, mocking, teasing, flirting, lies telling, exaggeration, boasting, manipulation, conflict, discrimination, hatred and any kinds of speech that will generate or promote disharmony in ourselves and in others.

This is part of the yoga practice of eliminating the ego, pride and arrogance by filtering, restricting and controlling our thinking, actions and speech. This is the practice of silence (Mauna) which is very important in our yoga and meditation practice.

We can appear to be very 'friendly', make friendship with many people and have many social interactive friends, but it is not necessarily that we are free from ill-will, jealousy, ill-thinking, criticism, slandering, back-biting, and discrimination towards all these 'friends'. Not to say when we come in contact with the people whom we dislike and disagree with, we might criticize, or condemn, or might say and do things that will hurt the reputation and feelings of these people whom we dislike and disagree with.

This type of egoistic friendliness is conditional. We can only be friendly to those whom we like and agree with, but not to those whom we dislike and disagree with.

Cultivate universal friendliness is part our yoga practice.

This type of friendliness is free from ill-will, jealousy, ill-thinking, criticism, slandering, back-biting or discrimination of likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements towards all beings. There's no 'special' treatment towards certain people, whether they are our 'friends' whom we like or they are not our 'friends' whom we dislike.

Universal friendliness is being kind towards all and everyone without discrimination nor judgment, without superiority nor inferiority, without selfish desires nor expectation, without influenced by the likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements coming from our egoistic mind.

As long as we are still not free from discrimination, have ill-will, anger and hatred towards certain people and things that our mind dislikes and disagrees with, we are not really friendly even if we have many social friends in life.

Be truly friendly to all without discrimination.

Be happy.

Impermanence...

Impermanence is the permanent truth of everything with all the qualities of names and forms.

Whenever somebody talks to me about this or that person is very nice, or this or that person is not good, usually I'll just listen, with no comment. Or my reply is, it's not necessarily. Everyone is just being what they are in the present moment. They aren't nice or not nice, good or not good, happy or unhappy. All these impermanent states of mind are not who they really are.

How we think and feel about others, is coming our own mind reacts towards what it perceives through the senses, based on what it likes and dislikes, agrees and disagrees with. Most of the time other people have no intention to be 'not nice' to us, but our own mind perceives it as a 'not nice' treatment from other people, because we expect other people to treat us in certain ways that we like other people to treat us, or we expect other people should treat us the way that we think they should treat us. When we don't receive what we think we should be receiving, our mind is not happy, or dissatisfied and angry.

I am aware that sometimes people may appear to be nice and sometimes may appear to be not so nice, and it's fine. Even if that person is a 'saint' or highly respected person, everyone is allowed to be nice or not nice, or behave differently from time to time. As I have no expectation towards other people how they should be like.

I seldom ask people who they are, where they come from, what they did in the past, what they do for living, and what they want to do in the future, as all these names and forms are not important, because I only see everyone as they are, in the present moment. And even how they are in this present moment now, is also impermanent.

I do not 'fall in love' with anyone who appears to be very nice, nor do I get unhappy with anyone who appears to be not nice, nor do I get disappointed or unhappy when the people who used to be nice, but now appear to be not nice. As I have no attachment nor expectation towards anyone or anything.

I just do my best to be friendly and nice to all and everyone without discrimination of different names and forms. I have no interest in accumulating personal social friendships. But I do my best to be a universal friend to all and everyone.

I see everyone as universal friends, even though there are people who dislike me and disagree with me. They are free to dislike and disagree with me. They are allowed to reject or ignore my friendliness. I still can be friendly and be nice to everyone even if I am not 'their' friend.

If people want to be nice and friendly to me without any expectation, I appreciate and be grateful.

Some people might get offended if they want to be friend with somebody, but that person has no interest to be friend with them. People get offended is because they expect that if they are nice to other people, then other people should also be nice to them, and they don't really want to be friend to other people, but they just want other people to be 'their' friend. And when this desire is not being gratified, they are not happy. Just like when some people fall in love with another person, and they have the desire to be with that person, hoping that person will also love them in return and have a love relationship with them. And if this desire is not being gratified, they will feel so unhappy.

If some people want to create problems, I'll just move away.

Whenever somebody told us that we are so lucky to be living in Langkawi and our yoga studio is so lovely and it's such a very nice place to practice yoga and meditation, I told them that even this lovely yoga studio that everyone loves so much is also impermanent. Someday sooner or later, this yoga studio will not be available. And it's fine. I just appreciate the present moment that it is still available for teaching yoga, for now.

It is fine whether I live in Langkawi or in Malaysia, or not. It is fine whether I am teaching yoga or not.

May all be happy.

Om shanti.

What does "friends" means on the path of compassion?

In the path of yoga and meditation or Buddhism or compassion, friendliness is part of our practice. But we might get confused as at the same time, we also always read or hear about the practice of seclusion or retreat from active sociable lifestyle, for any sincere Sadhakas to be able to go deeper into our yoga and meditation practice.

At some stage in our life, we will need to let go of our worldly duties and live a secluded life to concentrate on our own Sadhana.

Being "friendly" towards all beings on the path of compassion, is different from the worldly perception of what "friends" means. In the worldly perception or understanding, "friendships" might means getting to meet up with other people, to know and interact with other people, making and accumulating "friends" with those who can share with each other, to care for each other, to support each other, to hang out with, to spend time with, to do some activities with, to eat, drink, play and chat with, to cry and laugh with, somebody to talk to, somebody whom we can count on and lean on, to help each other during difficulties, to be there for each other during good and bad times, to celebrate or to mourn together... Or we can only be "friend" with people whom we like and agree with, and we cannot be "friend" with whom we don't like and disagree with... Or "friends" means those who have similar believes, thinking, point of view that can "work" or "do things" together... And, anyone who are not in these "categories" or if they are very different from us, then they are "not friends" or they are "enemies". There are conditions in looking for "friends" or being "friendly" towards another being.

We have attachment towards "friends" or "friendships". We have so much expectation towards what a "friend" or a "good friend" or a "true friend" should be like... Such like when something not very nice happens, we would likely to say this, "You are "my" friend, why you treat me like this? You shouldn't do this to me..." We'll get disappointed by "our" friends many times, but that disappointment is coming from our own expectation towards how "our" friends should behave or treat us. It is not coming from "our" friends being not nice or not friendly to us or not being a "friend" for us... If we like "our friends" very much, we enjoy the times being together, we will generate clinging and craving towards this "friend" or this "friendship"... If we don't like "our friends", we didn't enjoy the times being together, we will generate aversion towards this "friend" or this "friendship"...

In the path of compassion, yoga, meditation or Buddhism (all these different names and forms are not different from each other - it's all about realizing egolessness or selflessness to transcend "suffering"), "friendliness" towards all beings means not having any ill-will or hatred or discrimination towards all beings whether "good or bad" beings, "human or non-human" beings, without judgment, expectation, likes and dislikes, agreement or disagreement... We are able to be kind and compassionate towards all beings...

In another terms, all are "friends" to us, we are "friends" for all beings, whether beings I like or not, whether beings I agree with or not, whether beings I know or not, whether human or non-human beings, whether "good" or "bad" beings, there is no difference... And not limited to social "friends" whom we like, whom we agree with, whom we know, whom we spend time with, share life with, do things with, hang out with, get together with, chat with, eat with, drink with, adventure with, growth with, enjoy with, suffer with and so on...

It also means, it is not necessarily that there have to be some people in our life whom we can hang out with, do things with, share life with and so on, to have "friends", to be "friendly"...

And there is a greatest friend or "being" for us to love, to share with, to be there for good and bad times, is ourselves... But, how many of us know about this friend... We keep looking out for another being as "friend" who will love and care for us... And when we try to "love" ourselves, we tend to become selfish, only think and concern about our own feelings, desires and benefits... We "love" ourselves with selfishness which is the cause of our own unhappiness...

If we know this selfless "friend" who is there with us all the time, there is no loneliness whether we have "friends" or not...

That's why being "friendly" to all beings and live in seclusion is not contradict with one another on the path of compassion...

Some people get confused with or reject towards some teachings or advice coming from some great Gurus or Yogis or saints and sages in the past telling us about practice "friendliness" and be "friendly" towards all beings, but don't "mix" with people or don't "make friends", live a secluded life concentrate on performing our own Sadhana... What it means is, treat all beings equally, respect all beings, have no ill-will or hatred towards any beings, no differences or separation between those I categorized as "my friends" or "not my friends"...

All these great saints and sages, those who were living in the world, doing a lot of karma yoga (selfless service) serving the world, being with and dealing with different types of beings, they were friends to all beings, but they "didn't" desire to make or accumulate "friends" to spend time with, to hang out with, to do things with, to chat with, to eat and drink with, to play with, to enjoy with, to share with, to practice with, and so on... And yet they are sharing with all beings all the time, they are "friendly" towards all beings, close or far away, known or unknown, be seen or unseen, in actions or in inactions...

The practice of seclusion, it doesn't mean that we have no more friends and be lonely being alone by ourselves without any friends... But there is no loneliness and all are friends, without the "necessity" of having a so called "social life" which means having some "friends" or people whom we missed without their presence in our life, whom we want to spent time with or hang out with or do things with, for us to attain some sort of excitement or to remove unhappiness or loneliness... There is no distractions of anything that can cause restlessness... There is no vain talks, gossips, slandering, back-bitting, criticisms, judgments, discriminations, complaints, hypocrisy, lies, untruthfulness, politics, exploitations, and etc that generate disharmony in ourselves and in others...

Our Guru Swami Sivanandaji told us to be "care-less" in order to succeed in our Sadhana, it doesn't mean that we don't care for other beings, but it means "Care for all beings without attachment, without being disturbed, nor distracted, nor affected, nor influenced by other beings and social activities, which derives from knowing what is real "friendliness"... He also mentioned in his books or teachings repeatedly many times, about don't make or accumulate "friends" or do not mix, as one of the important observations in order to be succeed in meditation, it is not contradictory with the practice of "friendliness" and compassion at all, as "friendliness" and compassion is not about having a social life or accumulating "friends"... It is free from ill-will or hatred towards all beings whether they are "good" or "evil", whether we like them or not, agree with them or not, or whether they like us and agree with us or not...

Evil is "evil" as it appears to be opposite to what is "good and kind" to allow us to be justified as good and kind, and so, "evil" is not really evil... And "good" is not really good when there is hatred towards "evil" as hatred is associate with "evil"...

Of course, there is nothing wrong with having a "social life" and involved with "social activities" as long as there is no attachment... As social life and activities don't give us "distractions" unless we (the mind) are being distracted and influenced by them...

As we can be having many "friends" in life, but not necessarily that we are completely be free from ill-will or hatred towards other beings... By making and accumulating many "friends" also doesn't guarantee that we will be free from "loneliness" or we are being "friendly"...

We might be "friendly" towards those whom we like and agree with, but we might not necessarily be "friendly" towards those whom we dislike and disagree with, especially those whom we "think" that they are "bad" or "evil" or "wrong", those who are not nice and not kind to us and others, and those who hurt us and others physically or emotionally... Look at ourselves, how often that we are easily being disturbed or angry with somebody that we don't know personally, nor who comes in contact with us personally, but whom we "think" or "heard" that they are "bad and evil" beings who perform "bad and evil" actions but it is not necessarily the truth as what we think it is...

Restlessness, anxieties, agitation, depression, fear, worries, disturbs, troubles, conflicts, arguments, debates, anger, dissatisfaction, disappointment, violence, ill-will, energy deprivation, jealousy, envy, desires, distractions or lack of concentration that derives from worldly "social life" and "social activities" which are the main obstacles in the path of yoga and meditation, can be reduced to minimum when we practice seclusion from "social lifestyle" and yet living in the world performing actions serving the world without attachment and distractions... Especially those of us who are still easily being distracted, or disturbed, or influenced, or affected, or determined by other beings and social activities due to lack of non-attachment or detachment, lack of wisdom and compassion... As we are still being over-powered by ignorance, desires, craving and aversion and all other impurities like anger, hatred, greed, dissatisfaction, jealousy, pride, arrogance, fear, worry, expectation, and etc...

We can try to meditate everyday but still, our mind is restless, our ego is strong... We continue to experience suffering or unhappiness, and be miserable... We keep judging ourselves and others as good or bad... We keep having expectation towards ourselves and others about this and that... We still have ceaseless desires to be fulfilled, to be satisfied... Forever restless...

Until one day, when the ego and selfish desires have completely vanished, then there is no difference at all whether having an active social lifestyle or not, as by then we are no longer being distracted or influenced by anybody or anything, and we can mix freely with anybody whether positive or negative beings, active or inactive beings, wise or ignorant beings, happy or unhappy beings... We are always full of energy and yet be in calmness... We might be performing actions in life for other beings, but we also have time and space for our own Sadhana, not neglecting ourselves nor being distracted from perfoming our own Sadhana...

Not performing any actions for other beings doesn't mean that we didn't perform karma yoga as part of our practice. It's because by taking care of our own Sadhana is the greatest karma yoga selfless service being perform onto ourselves and will be benefiting other beings naturally, when we have peace and compassion in us.

Again, this practice is only an advice to those who are sincere to transcend "suffering", to be free from restlessness, discontentment, low self-esteem, anger, hatred, fear, worry, and etc...

Om shanti.

Be happy.