Yoga classes, yoga courses and yoga retreats?

Those (the minds) who are free, who are peaceful, who are free from ignorance, egoism, doubts and impurities, they don't need to learn or practice yoga. They don't need to attend yoga classes, or yoga courses, or yoga retreats.

Those (the minds) who are not free, who are not peaceful, who are not free from ignorance, egoism, doubts and impurities, they might want to learn and practice yoga, by attending yoga classes, or yoga courses, or yoga retreats, to learn and practice yoga under one or a few yoga practitioner(s) (teachers) who know the teachings and practice of yoga.

Somehow, some of those (the minds) who are not free from ignorance and egoism, who are not peaceful, who are interested in attending yoga classes, or yoga courses, or yoga retreats, are ignorant towards oneself is being over-powered by pride and arrogance. They are not really interested in 'learning' and 'practicing' yoga under the guidance of other yoga practitioners. They think they know quite a lot about the teachings and practice. They think they have been doing yoga for quite some time or a long time. They think they are quite 'experienced' and 'qualified' yoga practitioners or yoga teachers, as they have attended one or many yoga workshops, yoga courses, or yoga teachers training courses. They think they are quite 'advanced' on the path of yoga. They are not 'open-minded' to learn and practice yoga under other people's guidance to be free from ignorance, egoism, doubts and impurities. They attached strongly onto their habitual mind behavior pattern and their way of thinking and belief and practice. They cannot be opened to investigate or experience something that is different from their thinking, belief and practice.

They want to interfere with how the people running the yoga schools, the yoga studios, or the yoga retreat centres, and what the teachers teach and how the teachers teach the classes, or courses, or retreats. They criticize the way of the people running and teaching the classes, courses, or retreats, about the format, the schedule, the accommodation, the facilities, the environment, the staff, or anything that they think it's not the way that they like it to be, or not the way that they think or expect it should be. There are many things that they dislike and disagree with, that they cannot tolerate or accommodate. They reluctant to adjust, adapt and accommodate something that is different from their habitual comfort zone, thinking, belief and practice.

They expect/demand the people to run the yoga schools, the yoga studios, or the yoga retreat centres the way that they like it to be, and they expect/demand the teachers to teach what they like and want to practice and don't teach what they don't like or don't want to practice. They expect/demand the teachers to teach the classes, the courses, the retreats the way that they like it to be. They get very annoyed and irritated when the teachers teach something that they don't like and don't want to learn or practice, or the people running the classes, the courses, or the retreats the way that they don't like and don't agree with. They expect/demand everything about the entire space of learning and practicing yoga to be the way that they like it to be, or the way that they think it should be.

These people (the minds) don't just not really learning or practicing yoga, though they think and believe that they are very 'serious and advanced and certified' yoga practitioners and yoga teachers, but they also generate inconvenience, disturbance, doubt and obstacle for others who are interested to learn and practice yoga, those who 'are aware of' or 'know' their minds are not yet completely free from ignorance, egoism, doubts and impurities. The minds that are free, they won't be affected or influenced by the ignorance and impurities of others, but most minds are not free yet, they will still be affected and influenced by the ignorance and impurities of others. But, it doesn't mean that these minds are bad or negative. All minds are free to behave the way that they want to behave and react the way that they want to react, whether they are aware of their own behavior and reaction, or not.

And hence, when one thinks and believes that oneself is an 'experienced' and 'advanced' and 'certified' yoga practitioner or yoga teacher, and one wants to inform/tell other people about how experienced and advanced one is on the path of yoga, then know that one doesn't know what is yoga, yet. Those who know yoga, they have no attachment or identification towards the experiences or levels of their practice, or be proud and arrogant about what they know or realize from their practice. They mind their own practice and they don't need to attend yoga classes, yoga courses, or yoga retreats.

Those who are not sure or have doubts about their practice or what they think they know, and are interested in attending yoga classes, yoga courses, or yoga retreats to learn and practice yoga under the guidance of other people, must learn how to allow the mind to be opened to learn and practice yoga under another person or other people, while not by pushing away or arguing about something that the mind dislikes and disagrees with, but to investigate the truth of everything that the mind comes in contact with through direct experience.

What the mind agrees with and what the mind disagrees with, are not necessarily the truth.

One doesn't need to like and agree with everything, even if it's part of the teachings and practice of yoga, but remain equanimous, being undisturbed or undetermined by what the mind dislikes and disagrees with, is already what yoga practice is about.

Be free.

How to renounce worldly life?

It depends on what does 'worldly life' means to different people. Different people give different meanings towards life existence and have different ways of life. If a particular 'worldly life' having a particular meaning with a particular way of life, under the influence of a particular thinking and belief and values, that would lead the mind away from peace and harmony, or would lead the mind towards restlessness and unnecessary affliction, then one can considerate to renounce the existing way of life, to adopt a different way of life, or changing the habitual mind behavior pattern, that would lead the mind towards more peace and harmony, and have less restlessness and unnecessary affliction.

For some, one's way of life is fine, but there are too many unnecessary disturbance, or distraction, or difficulties that are energy, time and space consuming coming from the surrounding environment of people, activities and happenings, that generate great obstacle on the path of purifying and quieting the restless mind, then one can also considerate stepping back from coming in contact with all these worldly beings, affairs and objects of names and forms, allowing the mind to have the energy, time and space to focus on the practice.

Renouncing worldly life doesn't mean that one is living outside the worldly minded society, to be alone in the wild. As even being alone in the wild, living in a simple and basic condition, it doesn't guarantee that the mind will be or is peaceful, or be free from disturbance, restlessness and suffering due to ignorance, egoism and impurities.

It doesn't mean that one needs to be in a space or a place that is free from 'worldly' or 'non-spiritual' people, and lives among a 'non-worldly' but 'spiritual' community, to be engaging in 'non-worldly' but 'spiritual' activities, like monks and nuns.

It also doesn't mean that one abandons one's existing worldly duties and responsibilities, not working to make a living to support one's life and those under one's care, but to live on the charity of others. Unless one's worldly duties and responsibilities have come to an end, such as being free from looking after old parents or young children.

It's about living in the world among the society as we are, no matter where and how we are and how is the environment, performing all our duties and responsibilities towards oneself and others under one's care out of compassion, making an honest living that supports oneself and those under one's care, but without attachment or identification towards any worldly social and cultural thinking and belief, values and practice or behavior, being free from egoism of passionate clinging onto worldly objects of names and forms, personal and community attachment and identification, desires of craving and aversion, judgment and expectation that based on particular worldly thinking, belief and values, while minimizing, reducing and restricting worldly social networking, mingling, interactions, activities and the accumulation of social connections and relationships, to be observing maximum seclusion and solitude while living and moving in the society among the worldly minded, without being affected, or disturbed, or determined by all the pleasant and unpleasant events or happenings in the world, without being influenced by the worldly social and cultural thinking and belief, values and practice, or behavior.

It's renouncing or abandoning egoism and impurities.

It's renouncing the passionate desires of craving and aversion, the attachment and identification with worldly social and cultural thinking, belief, values and the habitual behavior pattern of judgment and expectation based on those thinking, belief and values. At the same time, respecting others to be what they are, to have their own different thinking, belief and values, and to behave, act and react as they are.

It's going beyond all the impermanent qualities of names and forms of good and bad, right and wrong, positive and negative, pleasure and displeasure, pleasantness and unpleasantness, gain and loss, success and failure, praise and condemn, superiority and inferiority, achievement and non-achievement, auspiciousness and inauspiciousness, meaningfulness and meaninglessness, and so on.

It's non-attachment and non-identification towards all actions and the fruit of actions. Performing all actions, duties and responsibilities out of wisdom and compassion, and allowing the fruit of actions to be what it is, being undetermined or uninfluenced by the actions and the fruit of actions.

If one can only find peace outside the worldly minded society, void of duties and responsibilities, being isolated from the worldly minded society that is functioning under ignorance, egoism and impurities, but then, while being in the world, living or moving among the worldly minded society and perceiving all the impermanent names and forms through the senses, one couldn't remain equanimous, being disturbed, or determined, or affected by the unpleasant, undesirable and disagreeable events, happenings or disturbance deriving from one's attachment towards the mind perception of names and forms, then one hasn't realize the truth yet, or one hasn't realize yoga.

Live in the world but not let the world live in you.

It's the mental renunciation from worldly thinking and belief, values and practice, and habitual egoistic action and reaction under the influence of egoism. One can live and move in the world, but not let the world influence or determine the state of the mind. 

 

It's the state of the mind, where the mind stops generating craving or aversion towards all the perception of names and forms, being undisturbed and remain equanimous, while performing necessary actions, duties and responsibilities towards oneself and/or others under one's care. The well-trained mind is disinterested in worldly relationships, connections, objects and affairs, while living and moving in the world. It is free from passionate clinging and desire towards worldly relationships, connections, objects and affairs. It doesn't chase after the object of names and forms of the senses to attain the sense of satisfaction or meaningfulness. There's no ungratified desire that is waiting to be fulfilled, as it is desireless.

Those who are peaceful, who remain equanimous under any difficult, unpleasant, undesirable and disagreeable worldly conditions or circumstances, are true yogis.

Have peace, by taming the outgoing restless mind and annihilating ignorance, egoism and impurities, and not by controlling or changing the mind perception of an impermanent world of names and forms to be the way that the ego expects, desires, or likes it to be.

If the mind is super sensitive and easily be disturbed or distracted by the mind perception of names and forms of worldly objects and affairs, as there's no strong foundation of non-attachment towards the mind perception of names and forms, then it would be better for this mind to move away from the society for a prolonged period of time, to minimize as much as possible the coming in contact with worldly affairs and objects of names and forms, to allow the mind to be free from unnecessary disturbance and distraction to conserve energy, and turning the mind inward for self-introspection or self-inquiry. Until the mind develops a strong foundation of dispassion and non-attachment (which will be 'tested' while living in the world), then this mind can live and move among the worldly minded society and coming in contact with ceaseless inputs of impermanent names and forms, but the mind is undisturbed or uninfluenced by all these names and forms.

Be free.

Sympathetic minds without wisdom

Many years ago in India, there are many pitiful beggars everywhere. Most of them are 'working' under the control of many different syndicates.

Many of them are small boys and girls from toddlers to pre-teens, and also some young girls or young women carrying baby in their arms. Sometimes there are old women as well. These small children and small babies, young girls, young women and old women 'look' extremely pitiful in their dirty worn-out clothing with new and old scars and wounds on their bodies or even partially 'handicapped' that most probably are being inflicted intentionally by the syndicates. The young girls or young women with the small babies and the old women look hungry, under nourished, tired and so sad.

A few of them will come to you with their piteous sad tearful eyes and hungry face, with their heads wobbling side to side, and they gently tapping your arms or pulling your sleeves, and cry out 'Paisa, paisa, paisa...'

Out of sympathy and righteousness, you think you should give them what you think you can afford to give to them. And the moment you hand out something, either food or money or objects, to them, immediately there will be another ten or twenty or thirty of them running towards you, surrounding you making a thick human wall separating you and the onlookers, and also wobbling their heads, tapping your arms and pulling your sleeves and shirt, while pushing their bodies squeezing your body until you feel that you can't breathe.

If you still have no idea of what is going on, and out of helpless sympathy, you tell them with your great sadness that you couldn't help all of them, they'll keep begging you until you give in and give everything that you have on your body. They won't let you go easily. Unless there are police alert and came to your rescue. Or worst, even some of your valuables would be stolen in those chaos moments without your awareness.

If you start to feel intimidated and ask them to go away to leave you alone and try to run away from them, they will run after you, and attack you verbally by cursing at you, and even attack you physically by pinching you or spitting on you or throwing stones towards you.

This is the consequences of ignorant sympathy without wisdom. It's nothing to do with compassion out of wisdom.

Those who are compassionate are free from this kind of ignorant sympathy without wisdom. They would ignore these syndicates controlled beggars. As they know if they give something to these beggars out of sympathy, it's definitely not going to help them to be free from the syndicates, but it will be supporting and empowering the existence of such syndicates. It encourages the syndicates to exploit and abuse more toddlers, young children, young girls, young women and old women. Most of them are being drugged, or being threatened, or even being abducted from their family and home to put them on the streets as beggars and they have no freewill but to give all the begged money to the syndicates to avoid being beaten or punished in exchange for shelter and food, and lots of them are being intentionally partially blinded or amputated to get the effect of 'piteous' and 'sympathy deserving' look. It's a ridiculous terrible thing that might still happening somewhere.

Some of them are not begging under the control of syndicates, but they are being abused and forced by their own parents or relatives to go out begging on the streets. And some of them, are out of their own freewill.

Sometimes there are old men who look so hungry, sad and pitiful come to beg you for money. You feel so sympathy and give them some money. They took the money and go straight to the liquor shop to get their fix, and they got drunk, either they become unconsciousness for many hours, or they would fight with each other, or they go back home and behave violently towards their wives and children under the influence of alcohol.

Those who truly practice yoga, or have the basic wisdom of humanity, they will not support or encourage such activities out of such ignorant sympathy. A lot of time, out of wisdom and compassion, you have to say no. And that's not cruel at all. It's ignorance that make the mind thinks and believes that it's cruel and wrong to not show sympathy towards such 'pitiful' beings, regardless human or animals.

You will see signs in India everywhere, telling people do not encourage begging and do not give anything to the beggars.

It's the same as there are many people have great love and affection towards particular animals, especially those animals that are 'cute' looking, that enjoy being pet and fed by people, and out of 'love', people want to possess them to keep them as pet, to show affection to them and look after them. Some even treat the animals or their pets more loving and caring than towards their own family members or their parents or their children. When they think other people don't show any particular interest or 'respect' or 'proper treatment' towards the animals that they love very much, they would feel greatly disturbed or offended. In order to protect the animals that they love very much from other animals' or human's threats or intimidation, they would hurt other animals or human that they think are threatening or intimidating the animals that they love very much. Out of love and affection towards animals, people keep them, feed them, pet them, pamper them, and keep them away from any threats. It's like well-pampered and protected children growing up without knowing how to be independent or to survive by themselves. This is ignorance. This is not yoga or yoga practice.

Another example, children who like to eat sweets and drink sweetened soft-drinks everyday. If the children don't get their sugar fix on time, the way that they like it to be, they will be very unhappy and cry and shout and do things that would hurt themselves. If out of sympathetic love and affection towards the children, you will want to give them what they want, so that they will be happy and stop crying or hurting themselves, but in fact, you are responsible for supporting and empowering their ignorance, and they will suffer for their consequences of their ignorance very much. If out of compassion, you do not give them what they want, and let them be unhappy and throw tantrum, but at the same time, allowing them to learn and understand the damaging effects of consuming sweets and sweetened soft-drinks regularly. And this will help them to avoid unnecessary painful suffering later, or maybe, to suffer less.

Be kind towards other beings and appreciate all beings and objects out of compassion with wisdom, not out of ignorant passionate love and sympathy.

Yoga teachers who are wise and compassionate do not try to please the yoga students by giving them what they like and want, or telling them what they like and love to hear. But out of compassion, to guide them to be free from ignorance, by giving them the teachings and practice that are not necessarily what they expect it to be, that is not necessarily what they like or can agree with. Out of ignorance, they might be dissatisfied and unhappy about it, but it gives them the precious opportunity to come in contact with the truth of what is going on in their minds, and allows them to learn to see the ignorance and egoism in their minds, and if they realize the ignorance and egoism in themselves, out of their own freewill, they may or may not want to work diligently to free their minds from ignorance and egoism, and that is their freedom. The teachers cannot be there for them all the time, watching their practice, to discipline them, to tell them do this or don't do that. But the teachers allow the students to learn to become their own teachers and develop correct understanding and self-independence, out of their own freewill, self-awareness, self-discipline and self-control, they perform their own practice to purify and quiet their minds, and through self-inquiry and silencing the mind to attain self-realization of the truth, and be free.

Contemplate on this and be free.

It's better not to teach yoga than teaching yoga without correct understanding

Yoga and its practice is neither good nor bad. Teaching yoga is also neither good nor bad.

If people practice yoga with the correct understanding, and if people teach yoga to many more other people with the correct understanding, then yoga appears to be something good. There will be more wise people and less ignorant thinking and behavior in the world.

If people practice yoga without the correct understanding, and if people teach yoga to many more other people without the correct understanding, then yoga appears to be something not so good. There will be stronger ignorance in people with ignorant thinking and behavior in the world.

No doubt that there are many people interested in yoga and love to do yoga practice, and many are also interested in teaching yoga, but it's not necessarily a good thing if the people have no correct understanding.

It's normal and understandable that there are many people who think they love yoga are still very much under the influence of ignorance, they are not free from egoism and attachment towards worldly thinking and belief and behavior.

Many existing yoga teachers are teaching yoga to other people with what they think is yoga, that is influenced a lot by their worldly egoistic nature of social and cultural and spiritual thinking and belief and behavior that is full of passionate love and affection and clinging, desires of craving and aversion, personal and worldly identification, attachment and identification towards qualities of names and forms, attachment towards actions and the fruit of actions, and etc. And hence, they are actually feeding the world with deeper ignorance instead of wisdom, and empowering other people's ignorance and egoism with their own ignorance and egoism.

Many yoga practitioners and yoga teachers mistaken worldly egoistic attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection as compassion.

For example, it's normal for most people to fall in love with other people or animals or things. When someone meets another person who has something in common with mutual feelings of similar interest and liking towards each other, and they want to be friends, stay connected, be interacting with one another, see each other, talk to each other and do some activities together, know that it's nothing to do with compassion. It's just egoistic attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection towards something that the mind feels inclined or attracted to. Compassion is nothing to do with falling in love with people or animals or things.

Compassion is nothing to do with passionate love and affection towards people, animals or things that the mind likes and agrees with, that the minds perceives and recognizes as 'cute', 'pretty', 'beautiful', 'adorable', 'friendly', 'lovely', 'good', 'positive', 'right', 'happiness', or 'meaningfulness'.

Compassion is nothing to do with sympathetic feelings towards people, animals or things that the mind thinks and believes as pitiful and sympathy deserving. Those who have lots of sympathy and affection towards certain people or animals that they like and love are not necessarily compassionate. There are people love and be nice to their friends and pets more than their own parents or children. They would treat their friends and pets like king and queen, but yet, they would neglect or abuse or abandon their parents and children.

People can be very kind and loving towards their own particular community but they would have animosity or ill-will towards other communities. People can be very sympathetic and loving towards someone's suffering, and be very violent and hating towards those whom they think and believe are the ones who are responsible for the suffering of that someone. This is the manifestation of passionate love and affection that based on personal likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements. This is nothing to do with compassion.

Compassionate minds are free from attachment, identification, clinging, desires of craving and aversion, and are free from impurities of anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurt, regret, guilt, fear, worry, offensiveness, defensiveness, aggressiveness, depression, painful sorrow, grief, vengeance, ill-will and ill-thinking towards all and everything without discrimination of good and bad, superiority and inferiority.

Compassion is equanimity towards 'good' and 'bad' qualities, condition and situation. Free from craving or aversion towards 'good' qualities, condition and situation. Free from aversion or craving towards 'bad' qualities, condition and situation. Actions being performed out of compassion is free from ignorance and egoism and impurities. It's not about "I will be nice to you and you will be nice to me." There's no craving or expectation to be receiving love and kindness or friendship and companionship from other beings.

If one thinks one is full of love and kindness towards 'all beings', including animals, and has lots of love and affection towards particular animal, that one is keeping the animal as pet, receiving the pet animal as a family member, accepting all the good and bad of the pet animal as well as taking full responsibility towards the consequences of keeping a pet animal, showing lots of love and affection towards the pet animal and enduring the potential difficulties that may arise due to the pet animal's imperfect nature and behavior, but one couldn't respect other beings for being different from oneself, one couldn't accept and love all human beings as they are, including those whose one's mind perceives, recognizes, thinks and believes as 'wrong', 'selfish', 'bad' and 'evil', one discriminates towards other people whom one doesn't like and doesn't agree with, and being impatient, frustrated, angry and hating towards certain people's imperfection and the consequences of their imperfect thinking and behavior, having ill-will and ill-thinking towards people who inflict problems and troubles and damages to one's life existence, wishing these people to be punished and suffer for their imperfect thinking and behavior, that one doesn't like and doesn't agree with, but then one doesn't mind at all for all the troubles and problems and damages that the pet animal brings into one's life existence, as one has so much love and affection towards the pet animal to tolerate and accommodate the imperfection of the pet animal, then know that this is not what compassion or loving kindness towards all beings is about.

Most people, including many yoga practitioners and yoga teachers would disagree with this teaching and practice of yoga, and generate intense disgust and aversion towards this very important yoga practice of renouncing all kind of worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection. People will give themselves many reasonable excuses to avoid this teaching and practice. There's nothing wrong with people's such reaction and it's everyone's freedom for what they want to do with their life existence and how they want to react and feel about everything.

In yoga, one needs to be able to abandon 'worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection' if one wants to realize unconditional love or compassion. Or else, one couldn't be truly compassionate even one would like to be compassionate, as one ignorantly mistakes 'worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection' as compassion.

Yoga is about dispassion. Dispassion leads to wisdom and compassion. Wisdom and compassion leads to liberation from suffering.

Compassion doesn't bring painful sorrow and suffering, but 'worldly attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection' will lead to painful sorrow and suffering.

In yoga practice, when one is truly and sincerely yearning for liberation, one not just renounces the worldly attachment and clinging of ties and relationships with other human beings and things, and cutting off all kind of social connections, interactions and activities, to retreat into seclusion and solitude to silent the mind, but one also renounces attachment and clinging of passionate love and affection towards all kind of animals, insects or nature.

If one thinks one is practicing yoga of renunciation of seclusion and solitude by staying away from other human beings and worldly connection of social interactions and activities, but one feels so lonely and bored being away from other human beings and social interactions and activities, and wants to keep one or few pet animal in one's life to accompany and entertain oneself so that one doesn't feel so lonely and bored, as well as to feel love and connection with the pet animal, then one isn't practicing yoga at all.

Those who can't bear to see or hear or come in contact with all kind of suffering that exist in the world, and feel very disturbed by one's suffering and other's suffering, and be offended by all kinds of ignorant behaviors that lead to great suffering in oneself and other beings, then know that it's not compassion, but it's mere passionate love and affection.

Not many yoga practitioners are yearning for liberation. They just want to get some good feelings and benefits from doing the yoga practice. And that's their freedom.

Contemplate on this and be free.

Missing someone or something or somewhere that we like and love?

The mind that is practicing yoga is free from attachment, clinging or craving, it doesn't miss anyone or anything or anywhere.

Yoga practitioners who still always or occasionally feel missing someone or something or somewhere that they like and love very much, that is not here or unavailable or absent in the present, know that it's a by-product of egoistic passionate desire of attachment, clinging or craving.

Miss seeing or being with someone. Miss doing something. Miss having something. Miss being somewhere. Miss seeing something. Miss hearing something. Miss smelling something. Miss tasting something. Miss feeling something. Miss thinking something.

Many people, including yoga practitioners, would think that yoga is about love, and believe that if we like and love someone or something or somewhere, if we appreciate someone or something or somewhere, we should feel that we miss them when they are in a distance, or out of sight, or unavailable, or absent, that we should think about them a lot, and we would worry about people and things and places that we like and love very much. We would wish to see or be with those whom we miss, or have the thing that we miss, or do the thing that we miss, or be at the place that we miss. That is what most minds that are full of passion, enthusiasm and love, do naturally. There's nothing wrong with that, just that it's not what yoga and yoga practice is about.

The love that is mentioned in the teaching of yoga, is unconditional love, or compassionate love, or love without attachment, that is free from attachment, clinging or craving and 'missingness'.

Missing someone or something or somewhere is the manifestation of attachment, clinging or craving towards what the egoistic mind likes and wants, it's nothing to do with being kind and compassionate towards all living beings and non-living objects that are impermanent.

So, next time if we feel missing someone or something or somewhere that we like and love, then know that it's just a manifestation of egoistic desire of attachment, clinging and craving. If we don't get this or don't understand this, then we are not practicing yoga even though we might be doing or teaching yoga everyday for many years. If we got this or understood this, then without judgment, we start practice letting go of attachment or practice detachment.

Doesn't miss anyone or anything or anywhere, doesn't mean that we don't like or don't love or don't appreciate anyone, or anything, or anywhere. Just that our liking and love and appreciation towards everyone, everything and everywhere is without attachment, clinging or craving.

Contemplate on this and be free.

Confronting death in peace

A few hours before my father passed away, I was sitting in front of him, and wrote this piece of 'confronting death in peace' to dedicate to my father for him to relax and let go in peace. As soon as I finished writing and looked at him, his breathing had stopped for a few seconds, I shouldn't, but I had gently called him, "Papa." and he started breathing again, with his eyes wide opened and fully dilated, and I stood right in front of him and gently whispered to him, "It's okay, papa, I'm here. Just relaxed and let go." And his eyes closed again.

After that his breathing stopped for a few more times, but it came back again when there was sound from the people in the same ward. Then, his heart rate became very unstable, dropping to 14 beats per minute and shooting up to 200 or 300 beats per minutes changing very rapidly and irregularly. I called my sister if she would want to come to the hospital. As I believed my father would pass away any moment then.

While waiting for my sister, he had stopped breathing for more than ten seconds. I thought he had gone. I went to inform the nurse. When the nurse came to check upon him, he started breathing again. I realized he couldn't go in peace as there's disturb of sounds and movements around him. And, it takes some time for the complete disintegration to happen even after the breathing or the heartbeat had stopped. And so, I decided to maintain very quiet if he stopped breathing again.

I told my sister and her daughter who came later, just about an hour before my father's passing away, I asked them to do the same - If they see him stopped breathing, do not make any noise, do not call him or call the nurse to come. Just wait for at least few more minutes. To let him go in peace completely.

While the three of us sitting there watching my father, my sister couldn't help talking about the past, and how much money she had borrowed from people due to have to look after my father. I knew my father could hear this and he wouldn't be able to go in peace, because my sister has no awareness that she was complaining and blaming my father's condition for her debts with relatives and friends. And so, in order to allow my father to go in peace, quietly I stood up and moved to the side where my father wouldn't be able to see me, and waved to my sister to come to me, and quietly asked her to bring me back to the hotel to rest. So that she wouldn't be there to talk about things that wouldn't allow my father to go in peace. And my father finally passed away peacefully while my sister's daughter fell asleep after my sister and I had left the hospital.

It takes years of practice to confront the last days/moments of death, calmly and peacefully.

Letting go the body, the thinking process, the perception of existence, the relationships with everyone, and all the past pleasant and unpleasant experiences and memories, in peace, without clinging onto life existence and all the relationships with everyone, without fear or aversion towards death, without painful sorrow of separation from life existence, people and things, without unfulfilled desires, without disappointment or regret.

Being aware of the process of the disintegration of the body.

Without fear and worry.
Without craving and aversion.
Without guilt and regret.

Being in the present, calm and quiet.

Though practice for years, still the mind might not be able to let go, in peace. It’s okay. Even this will pass away.

Fear, worry, clinging, attachment, craving and aversion might arise during the last moments of death. Then ask the mind, what can be done now? There is nothing but letting go. There is no need to perform any duties or responsibilities or actions anymore.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Dear father,

Allowing the body and the thinking mind to be what they are. They are not perfect and it’s okay. Let them go, in peace.

All kinds of thinking and feelings, all kinds of relationships with people, animals, plants, things, knowledge and memories, all the flashback of countless events, all the good and bad, the right and wrong, the happiness and unhappiness, the should have and shouldn’t have, the achievement and non-achievement, the fulfillment and disappointment, are all nothing but impermanent names and forms, forming and deforming, arising and passing away.

Be bold, be calm, and be very quiet.

There’s nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to smell, nothing to taste, nothing to think, nothing to feel, nothing to do, nothing to bring with you, nothing to regret, nothing to forgive, nothing to ask for forgiveness, and nothing to desire.

Let the world be what it is. It’s not perfect and it’s okay.

Let everyone be what they are. They are not perfect and it’s okay.

Let the memories of happy and unhappy events be what they are. They are not perfect and it’s okay.

There is only now, the present.
Be aware of the air coming in and going out.

Be aware of the process of past accumulated images arising and passing away. It’s not who 'I' am. It’s not ‘I’. It’s just some flashback of old and new memories, both remember and forgotten, actual events or imaginary events, understand and couldn’t understand, know and doesn’t know.

Acknowledge the unknown and allow the unknown to be what it is, without fear, as the unknown is nothing but what it is. Let the unknown be the unknown.

There is no need to perform any duties or responsibilities or actions anymore.

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