There are many different ways to cope with all kinds of suffering in the world to an extent, or even to be free from suffering, especially in the suffering involving traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences. Some people might keep to themselves hiding in the dark, while some people might try to get external help from professional psychologists or spiritual healers, and some might turn to drugs or engage in some form of activities to escape the mental or emotional pain momentarily.
Most of the time, when people try to look for help from the outside, it would involve third parties showing loving kindness, sympathy, empathy and supports towards the victim of suffering, by sharing, caring, listening, and giving helps physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally to the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, as well as there’s condemn towards those who inflict suffering onto others.
If one doesn’t know how to be free from continuously be disturbed by painful experiences (past and present), it will affect one’s relationships with everyone.
In the teachings of yoga, it’s beyond third parties showing love and care and supports towards the suffering beings to ease or relieve their suffering, or to condemn those who inflict suffering onto others. But it is guiding and allowing people to help themselves and love themselves without the need of sympathy/empathy/supports/comforts from third parties, to see the truth of suffering through purifying and silencing the mind, to free one’s mind from the root cause of all sufferings – ignorance and egoism.
A lot of times, the teachings of yoga that would lead the impure suffering ignorant egoistic minds towards the realization of the truth of suffering, are not something that the worldly egoistic minds would agree with, or like to hear and practice, particularly for the minds who think and believe that they are ‘good’ and ‘kind’ human beings, that are being conditioned by worldly egoistic thinking and practice about performing good and kind actions in certain way that they think how it should be.
Those who are free from suffering through self-realization of the truth of suffering, there is no hurt that needs to be healed. There's no 'the victim of suffering' that needs help, healing, support, comfort, sympathy or empathy. There’s no anger, hatred, fault finding, blame, condemn, avenge, or punishment towards ‘the suffering’, ‘the sufferer’, ‘the cause of suffering’, or ‘those who directly or indirectly inflicted the suffering’. There’s no need self-blaming or blaming others. There’s no need to be bitter, to be shameful about, to be sympathized, to be healed, or to attain revenge. It’s not about forgetting the unpleasant experiences either. It’s knowing what is non-attachment, non-identification, non-craving, non-aversion and non-expectation. The memory of the unpleasant experiences might still be there after very long time, but it has no power or intention to keep disturbing or hurting the mind unless the mind allows that memory to be continuing disturbing and hurting itself.
One acknowledges/confronts the unpleasant experience or the memory of the unpleasant experience which couldn’t be undone, without attachment, identification, craving, aversion, or expectation. One is free and has peace, being undisturbed and undetermined by past or present unpleasant experiences inflicted by ignorant beings out of ignorance.
The experience of suffering, or the perception of ‘I’ am suffering (whether ‘I’ think it’s because ‘I’ am ‘bad’ and ‘sinful’ (self-blaming) or it’s because other people are ‘bad’ and ‘evil’), is born out of ignorance. The actions and the performers of the actions that inflict suffering onto others or themselves, whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally, are born out of ignorance. But ignorance is not ‘the one’ to be blamed for suffering either. There’s none/nothing to be blamed at all for the existence of suffering inflicted by ignorant behavior.
Those who have realized the truth of life existence consisting the impermanent and selfless existence and function of the impure/ignorant/egoistic mind and the impermanent selfless and limited physical body, whom have realized selflessness and compassion, they won’t be traumatized/disturbed/hurt/abused by what the worldly conditioned impure/ignorant/egoistic mind think and believe as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’ or ‘abusive’ life experiences. They might suffer from certain short term or long term physical wounds from those unpleasant experiences, but their minds are free from mental and emotional suffering that actually derived from conditioned reactions out of ignorance and egoism from one’s impure mind towards what the mind perceives as ‘traumatic’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’, or ‘abusive’ experience.
This doesn’t mean that the abuse, the victim of abuse, the abuser and the abusive behavior don’t exist at all, or the mind has ‘incorrect’ perception about the unpleasant/unkind abusive experience. But, the liberated mind has no identification as ‘the victim of the abuse’, and has gone beyond the perception of experiencing something that the worldly ignorant egoistic mind recognizes as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘undeserving’, ‘hurtful’, ‘disturbing’ or ‘abusive’, and it confronts/observes the experience and those whom directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally involve in that experience with compassion, being aware of all kinds of disturbing/abusive/hurtful/torturing actions are born out of ignorance.
The realization of selflessness and compassion transcends all kinds of suffering inflicted by ignorant behavior born out of ignorance. Meanwhile those who perform ignorant behavior out of ignorance will bear the consequences of their actions due to the law of nature, even though ‘the victim’ of other people’s ignorant behavior who is free from ignorance doesn’t suffer mentally or emotionally for other people’s ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘undeserving’, ‘hurtful’, ‘disturbing’, or ‘abusive’ behavior out of ignorance.
All minds have the freedom to feel angry, hurt, traumatized, disturbed, or depressed, when they experience something that the minds recognize as ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘undeserving’, ‘disturbing’, ‘hurtful’ and ‘abusive’. But why should we suffer for other people’s ignorant behavior that our minds think and believe as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’? We don’t have to. We have the choice not to suffer for other people’s ignorance. By allowing ourselves to suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior is actually coming from ourselves self-harming/self-abusing our body and mind, out of ignorance and egoism. People are not aware that actually everyone has been constantly self hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind with ceaseless impure egoistic reactions of anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, fear, worry, craving, aversion, and etc, from the past to the present, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
Those who realized selflessness and are compassionate, they stop hurting/abusing/torturing their own body and mind as their minds are free from ignorance, egoism and impurities, as well as they don’t suffer for other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior derived from ignorance, egoism and impurities, even though there might be physical damages or painful/unpleasant sensations in the body and mind caused by other people’s ignorant behavior.
When one is free from suffering, or is being undisturbed/undetermined by other people’s bad and wrongful behavior, it doesn’t mean that one is agreeing or supporting other people’s ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ behavior, or actionlessly allowing ignorant beings to inflict ignorant behavior onto one’s body and mind. One can do one’s best to prevent/protect oneself from other people’s ignorant behavior, but one has no attachment or expectation towards one’s actions and the result of the actions, and has complete understanding towards all the ignorant impure actions and reactions in the world are all born out of ignorance, egoism and impurities.
There’s no craving or aversion towards pleasant or unpleasant experiences. There’s no expectation towards only experiencing pleasant experiences and don’t experience any unpleasant experiences. But one is undisturbed and undetermined by the absence of pleasant experiences or the presence of unpleasant experiences, even after one has done one’s best to enjoy pleasant experiences and avoid unpleasant experiences.
If one realizes the truth of selflessness and compassion, one will be free from feeling or continuously feeling angry/hurt/traumatized/disturbed/depressed towards unpleasant life experiences that ignorant egoistic impure minds recognized or perceived as traumatic, disturbing, depressing, hurtful, or abusive. One is able to confront all kinds of ‘perceivable’ suffering with peace and compassion, and stands as a witness and be compassionate towards the experience (the suffering), the one who suffers (the body and mind, or what the worldly minds labelled as the victim), and the ones who inflict the suffering (the minds that behaving under the influence of ignorance, egoism and impurities).
May all be free from all kinds of physical, mental, psychological and emotional sufferings through silencing the mind to realize the truth of suffering, selflessness and compassion, and be free from suffering of anger, hatred, jealousy, avenge, hurts, guilt, regret, self-harm, self-blame, disappointment, painful sorrow, fear and worry due to past and present traumatic/disturbing/hurtful/abusive life experiences.
It’s everyone’s freedom whether they choose to be disturbed by something that is happening in the present, and continuously be disturbed or haunted by their past traumatic/disturbing/abusive life experiences and feel angry, hurt and bitter, or they can choose to let it go and have peace.
One can choose to put down or continuously holding onto a burning hot object that is hurting the hand.
No one says it’s easy to let go, but one can try if one wants. None can force oneself to let go if one doesn't want to let go.