Letting go of all the worldly identifications, attachments, qualities and dualities... and be free...

If we are sincere in learning and practicing yoga, and want to attain yoga or unconditional real peace, we need to let go of any worldly identifications about what we think we are...

If we still have identification with worldly qualities and conditions of names and forms, and still think that we are somehow more superior or inferior than anyone due to our family background, race, religion, belief, values, spiritual achievement, social status, financial status, job title, political influences, educational background, personal image, professional image, intelligence, talents, creativity, physical and mental health and fitness conditions, physical and mental abilities, lifestyle, popularity, worldly achievements, social contributions or any forms of identity, then know that no matter how long we have been "practicing yoga", or how much "yoga poses" that we can perform perfectly and beautifully, or how much we have heard, read and know about what is yoga and its practice, it shows that we are not really practicing yoga at all...

If we still have this idea or thought about "I am somehow better than somebody" or "I am somehow less good than somebody", or "Somebody is better than me" or "Somebody is less good than me", know that we are not practicing yoga at all...

If we still have this identification about "I am or am not good or bad", "I do or don't do good or bad", "I did or didn't do good or bad", "I deserve or don't deserve goodness or badness", "I receive or don't receive something good or bad" or "I give or don't give something good or bad", know that we are not practicing yoga at all...

If we still have this idea or thought about "Somebody (who is not I) is or isn't good or bad", "Somebody does or doesn't do good or bad", "Somebody did or didn't do good or bad", "Somebody deserves or doesn't deserve good or bad", "Somebody receives or doesn't receive something good or bad" or "Somebody gives or doesn't give something good or bad", know that we are not practicing yoga at all...

Even though everyday we devote a few hours into "yoga and meditation practice"...

Letting go of the identification as the doer of actions and inactions, and letting go of the identification as the enjoyer of the fruit of the actions and inactions, is practicing yoga...

Letting go of attachment and judgment towards all the qualities and conditions of names and forms, is practicing yoga...

Once we truly let go of all these identifications, attachments, qualities and dualities, we will know the truth of ourselves, of who we really are, about what we think is 'I'... And be free...

Just by reading, hearing, knowing and talking about the word "detachment" and "non-identification" doesn't mean anything, doesn't bring us liberation, unless we really practice detachment and non-identification, by letting go of attachments and identifications...

Most of the time, "we" are afraid of letting go of all these worldly identifications because our ego depends or feeds on all these identifications to be "somebody", to be existing... That's why "we" keep attached strongly onto all these identifications and reluctant to let them go, even though we know that the yoga teachings and the practice is there "asking" us to "please let go of all these worldly identifications..."

Om shanti.

Why Malays cannot do yoga?

One day this search word "Why Malays cannot do yoga?" came to Be Happy's blog. I cannot give an answer to this question "Why Malays cannot do yoga?", you'll have to find out from the one who imposed this idea, because it is not us or the teachings of yoga that saying anything about this, or don't want any Malays to be practicing yoga, but I would like to share my own opinion with whoever interested in this issue... Because our yoga centre (maybe it's the only one) is being legally bound by the conditions of forbidding us from receiving or accepting any Muslims of any origins for all the yoga activities in our yoga centre...

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Everyone and anyone also can do yoga, practice yoga, realize yoga, teach yoga, share yoga...

We don't even need any internationally "recognized" or "approved" bodies, organizations, schools, qualifications or certifications to qualify, or to certify, or to allow us to do yoga, practice yoga, realize yoga, teach yoga, share yoga...

Even when we heard something about who and who should not or cannot practice yoga, it won't stop and cannot stop anybody or any beings from doing, or practicing, or realizing, or sharing yoga...

Even Malays or Muslims can practice yoga in Malaysia or in anywhere openly...

There are a lot of Malay yoga practitioners, or yoga teachers, or yoga instructors in Malaysia doing yoga, teaching yoga, practicing yoga, sharing yoga, and realizing yoga, everywhere in Malaysia including Langkawi... Peace and light to all these yoga practitioners who are sincere in their yoga practice and realize the meanings of yoga...

Our yoga centre in Langkawi is being legally bound by the conditions or terms or rules and regulations in our business license stating that "This yoga centre is not allowed to receive or accept any Muslims of any origins, or else the business license will be revoked" - That's all.

We never say, or think, or believe, or propagate that "Muslims cannot practice yoga".

If I'm not wrong, all Malays in Malaysia are born to be Muslims - There's no freedom of choice or opportunity to choose their own beliefs or religion... Please correct me if that is incorrect...

In Malaysia, Muslims or Malays can practice yoga, there is no law binding that they cannot practice yoga, neither there is any legal punishment will be enforced on them if they practice yoga. Muslims and Malays are free to practice yoga, but there was an "advice" from the Malaysian Islamic religion department or the head of the mosque about the yoga practice or the yoga teachings might be contradicting with their religion's teachings, or beliefs, or practice...

I'm not a Muslim, so I cannot say much or comment what are the teachings of Islam. What I know about yoga and its practice, it's to promote mind purification, correct understanding, peace, harmony, compassion, wisdom, loving kindness, tolerance, accommodation, adjustment, adaptation, acceptance, respect, humility, morality, truthfulness, honesty, chastity, purity, calmness, self-introspection, self-observation, self-control, self-discipline, selflessness, egolessness and evolve towards the annihilation of the modification of the mind, to attain absolute freedom or liberation from suffering, to realize unconditional peace...

Just like the teachings of Buddhism is similar to the teachings of yoga, but maybe the ways of practice or approach are not exactly the same, but both are heading towards the same source, the same direction... They are not any contradicting with each other but actually complimenting each other, in my own opinion...

Buddhists won't be angry or object any Buddhists to practice yoga or any other beliefs or religion... Yogis won't be angry or object any yogis to practice Buddhism or any other beliefs or religion...

If Muslims come to our yoga centre and practice yoga, they won't get any troubles or punishments, but we might lose the business license to be legally conducting yoga classes or teaching yoga on Langkawi island... That's all. We still want to teach or share yoga to many other people from around the world who are not under this "ridiculous" restriction, and so, we respect this terms of "For non-Muslim only" on all our yoga classes, workshops and retreats... That doesn't mean that we think or believe or propagate that "Muslims or Malays cannot practice yoga"...

And maybe one day, we will leave Langkawi, or not teaching yoga here anymore... We'll follow wherever the universe want us to be...

There are other people teaching yoga on the island that are not bound by this legal condition, either they do not have a business license or their licenses are not restricted to this condition... Those who "cannot" come to our yoga centre can go to these yoga teachers on the island to practice yoga... Be happy.

Real yoga practice is in the heart, in our life, in every moment of awareness and existence, wherever we go, wherever we are, whatever we do and don't do... Yoga practice and the teachings is not limited in some yoga classes conducted by a yoga teacher, or yoga centre, or yoga school... Yoga practice is not limited in doing some form of physical movements or practices. Physical illness or limitation might limit the body from doing some form of physical movements or practices, but it doesn't stop the mind from practicing yoga as it is, undetermined by any impermanent qualities of names and forms.

Anyway, teaching yoga or sharing yoga is nothing to do with a business license... We don't need a "business license" to be able to share yoga with anyone in the world... But, due to the sensitive issue about yoga in Malaysia especially on this island where more than 90% of the population are Muslims, we decided to apply for a business license to legalize our activities on sharing or teaching yoga on this island... It is only the yoga activities in our yoga centre is being bound by legal terms... We are not restricted to share yoga only with certain people and not sharing yoga to certain people... Our Gurus never mentioned that we can only teach yoga to certain people and not to certain people... The teachings of yoga cannot be restricted by any so called "legal law"... The teachings of yoga and the yoga practice is for everybody and anyone...

Yoga is in everyone whether we know about it or not, whether we like it or not...

Whoever is interested in search for the Truth and want to attain liberation, want to be free from ignorance and suffering, want to realize unconditional peace, everyone can learn yoga, or practice yoga, or do yoga, or realize yoga, it doesn't matter what are the nationality, gender, race, culture, religion, spirituality, beliefs, language spoken, personality, characteristic, conditions and abilities/disabilities, duty, responsibility, behavior, level of consciousness, level of ignorance, and etc...

All can practice yoga and realize yoga...

Unconditional love and peace is yoga... Every beings are entitled with yoga in them since the beginning of existence... Even the most evil being also has unconditional love and peace within, also is entitled with yoga...

There are many other meditation centres in Malaysia are not allowed to receive Muslims too. There are many religious or philosophical books that are not Islamic are not allowed to be read or sold to Muslims. There is a stamp on the book stated "For non-Muslim only"... Please don't be angry with these yoga centres or meditation centres for putting up a sign stating "For non-Muslims only", because it is not their fault, or intention, or decision, to reject, or offend, or discriminate anyone...

 

The essence of yoga upon the realization of selflessness, is about attributelessness, namelessness and formlessness, which leads to non-discrimination. Non-discrimination is the key to peace and harmony while living among the many diversities of different names and forms in this world. Unfortunately, out of survival instinct, greed and selfishness, out of self-interest and self-protectiveness, certain people in the world intentionally propagate separateness and discrimination, to divide and control, to gain power for achieving their desires or ambitions, financially and politically.

At least for the other people who are non-Muslims in Malaysia, they still have the freedom to read or buy any books that they want in Malaysia (except those books that are banned in Malaysia and you won't see them for sale on the book shelves in the book shops), or people can choose to live outside Malaysia, reside in somewhere else that doesn't restrict or oppress freedom of thinking and expression... They can have the freedom to have any religions or beliefs, or not having any religion or belief... They can have the freedom to inquire the truth of everything... They are free to practice yoga and meditation without being condemned, or criticized, or objected, or penalized, by anybody or authority, or any religion followers...

Sometimes in a family or in the society, our parents, or relatives, or friends, or neighbours, or communities, also will try to interfere with, or to control, or to advise us about we should this and shouldn't do that... But, the choice is in us...

Nobody can give us peace and happiness or take away the peace and happiness in us... Peace and happiness is in us all the time, nameless and formless... It is the nature of all.

Nobody can give us freedom or take away our freedom... Freedom is in us, nameless and formless...

May all be free from ignorance...

Om shanti.

Let go of attachment towards this impermanent physical body... But with appreciation for it...

Yoga is not about challenging the physical body to go beyond its limitation, to become super strong and flexible, but it is about going beyond the identification with the body and mind, and going beyond the impermanent conditions and limitations of the body and mind...

This physical body is mortal. It is subject to impermanence, growth, changes, old age, decay, sickness and decomposition (death)... This is the Truth of this physical body, and no matter how much we spend our life time, money and effort to train the physical body to make it strong and flexible, and no doubt that we can make good use of this strong and flexible body as much as possible in our life, but we cannot change the Truth that this physical body will be losing it strength and flexibility (whether instantly due to accidents and injuries, or gradually due to the decaying effect of old age) and one day this body will stop functioning (decompose)...

Look at all the yogis in the past except those who left the world at young age... Most of them had developed the incredible super human strength and flexibility to perform all the complex yoga asana poses when their body was still young, but as their body grew older, their body were no longer as strong and flexible as they were before, and slowly losing their strength and flexibility, and their body started to show decaying effects, losing their youthfulness, losing their muscles tone and skin elasticity, losing their teeth and sense of taste and smell, losing their hearing and eye sight, losing their memory, losing their stamina, and gradually their body stopped functioning (decompose)...

That is the greatest teaching from all the yogis in the past, about the Truth of this physical body is impermanence, and it is conditional and limited...

There is a greater meaning for performing the yoga asana practice beside developing physical strength and flexibility, which is to render the body and mind pure and still for meditation, for higher spiritual realization, to be liberated from having birth and death, from having a mortal physical body and impure egoistic mind that is being conditioned and limited by impermanence and qualities of names and forms...

The physical strength and flexibility that come from the yoga asana practice is only one of the "side-effects" of the practice, it is not the main objective of performing the yoga asana practice...

It is the self-discipline and self-control that we develop by devote ourselves into the daily yoga asana practice that will change the habits or the thought currents of the mind... That is the objective of performing the yoga asana practice... It is the different body positions stimulating different energy centres (not coming from the physical strength and flexibility), the concentration and stillness being in the asana poses, and the breath control that is influencing the energy fields and thus influence the state of the mind...

The entire yoga asana practice is a process of purifying, stimulating, balancing, conserving, calming, unblocking and channeling the energy fields for approaching the source within, to go back to our purest consciousness before the existence of the body and the egoistic impure mind...

This is nothing to do with whether our body is super strong and flexible or not... It only requires a minimal strength and mobility to put our body into the different yoga asana poses, and we will still get the same effects of purifying, stimulating, balancing, conserving, calming, unblocking and channeling the energy fields. We don't have to be super strong and flexible to do some complex asana poses to have these effects... Even if some people have no physical strength and flexibility at all to perform any asana practice, through visualization and the chanting of OM verbally or mentally will also have the same effects of doing the yoga asana practice...

A strong and flexible body is just an instrument for us to be able to perform selfless service for ourselves and other beings to evolve towards higher consciousness, apart from having a better quality of life... There is nothing wrong with enjoying a better quality of life and having better condition of health, minimize illnesses, and extend youthfulness and life span to the maximum, but these are not the main objective of performing yoga practice...

Just by having a physical body as strong and flexible as a world class athlete, cannot guarantee to liberate us from ignorance, birth and death and suffering...

Even if the physical body is extremely strong and flexible, and able to perform many complex yoga asana poses, it doesn't guarantee that this mind is in good condition... And even if the mind is in a good condition in this present moment now, it is still subject to impermanence... It will change... That's why we are practicing non-attachment to go beyond all the impermanent states of the mind, and not identifying with the mind...

Just like the conditions and abilities of this physical body is subject to impermanence, this egoistic thinking mind is also subject to impermanence, changes, experiencing feelings and emotions of up and down, having reactions and attachments towards the qualities of names and forms, having likes and dislikes, wants and don't wants, craving and aversion, being ignorant of the Truth, having doubts and wrong identification with the body and mind, and being conditioned by the perception of names and forms, having endless dissatisfaction, disappointment, agitation, depression, greed, desire, anger, hatred, jealousy, pride, arrogance, fear and worry... Constantly being in a state of restlessness...

Unless we start to deal with the mind... Then only we can be free from being conditioned by our own mind and the physical body, whether our physical body is strong and flexible or not...

Being a physically fit world class athlete with super human strength and flexibility doesn't liberate us from suffering, birth and death... It is being free from impurities like egoism, selfishness, attachment, ignorance, anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, pride, arrogance, desire, dissatisfaction, disappointment, agitation, depression, anxiety, craving, aversion, fear and worry, and etc, and be free from being conditioned by impermanence, that will liberate us...

It is realizing that there is nobody there that exist as "I", there is nobody there to accumulate and possess wealth, health, knowledge, happiness or love, but the only existence is the awareness of being aware of the present moment now...

Attachment... What a great ignorance... A great impurity that will bind us without us being aware of its bondage... We think that we are being loving and kind, and we are showing love and affection towards the "object" that we love... But actually it is mere attachment towards the object of the senses...

There is a huge difference about being compassionate towards "something", and being attached to and show affection towards "something".

If it is mere compassionate loving kindness, there is no attachment. No disappointment. No expectation. No possessiveness. No unhappiness. No suffering... There is no sense of possessiveness, like "This is my... and it is mine...". There is no desire or expectation of getting any sense of satisfaction, achievement, acknowledgment, appreciation, pride, interaction, love and attention from any objects...

When the mind gets in contact with any objects of the senses that it likes, whether it is a human being, an animal, an insect, a plant, a shirt, a phone, a car, a house, a pillow, a movie, a photo, a piece of music, a cup, an apple, a view, a scenery, a sensation, a memory, a book, a letter, a finger nail, a yoga mat, a yoga pose, a feeling, a relationship, a friendship, a brand of something, knowledge, personal image, or anything that we can think of, within the body and outside the body, the mind will generate attachment, clinging and craving, and will want to possess these objects and show affection and love for these objects... But, all these objects are impermanent. They don't stay unchanged forever as what the mind like it to be... They will change into something different that the mind doesn't like nor appreciate... The mind starts to get dissatisfaction and disappointment due to the impermanence of all these objects. It wants something else. It keeps looking for new attachments that will bring some pleasant sensation of satisfaction... But, it will never be satisfied... When something happens to the objects that it loves, it becomes so annoyed, angry, upset, disappointed and unhappy...

The mind feels satisfied and happy now, because something that the mind likes and wants is there... But, when this object that the mind likes and wants is not there anymore, or when this object changed into something that the mind doesn't like and doesn't want, will the mind still be satisfied and happy? Nope... It becomes very disappointed and unhappy or depressed...

The stronger the attachment or "love and affection" towards any objects, the stronger the disappointment, dissatisfaction and unhappiness will be...

For example, if I broke a cup, just a normal cup, not "my favorite cup", not "somebody else's favorite cup", then I won't be unhappy about it and there's no body is going to be bother about it... But, if somebody broke "my favorite cup", or "somebody else's favorite cup", I might get very upset and angry, or somebody is going to be very upset and angry about it... That's the power of attachment...

Another example, somebody else's son passed away, we will feel sympathy and will let it go very easily... But, if it is "my son" had passed away, I will be very upset and depressed, and not so easy to let it go... And if there is somebody who is responsible for "my son" to passed away, I am not just upset and depressed, but I will also be very angry and hating towards that person who is responsible for "my son"s death... That's the power of attachment...

And the Truth is we don't own anything, we don't possess anything, not even this body and this mind... It is a complete delusion of having the idea that "This is my..." and "This is mine..."

All we can do is, appreciate the present moment now, for what we have and where we are and how we are...

The entire path of yoga and meditation is about letting go of attachment... Letting go of the body, the mind, the ego, the intellect, the objects of the senses, all the names and forms, sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch (sensations) and thinking (thoughts)... But with appreciation of all these things...

And the biggest attachment since we were born into this world, is the attachment towards our physical body and our egoistic thinking mind... Once we let go of all these attachments, we are what we are, we are not determined nor conditioned by any qualities of names and forms, including this body and this mind...

It is from the attachment towards the body and mind, all impurities, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, desires, pride, arrogance, craving, aversion, agitation, depression, restlessness, fear and worry arise...

When there's no attachments, there's no impurities...

When there's no impurities, peace is there...

Fully appreciate and make good use of this physical body for us to be here to learn, to experience, to evolve, but without attachment...

Be free...

Om shanti.

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (9)

All physical activities should be completely suspended, all attachments should be ruthlessly cut asunder completely for five or six years, if you want to practice Dhyana Yoga, if you want to realise God through concentration of mind. Newspaper-reading and correspondence with friends and relatives should be completely stopped; as they cause distraction of mind and strengthen the world-idea. Seclusion for a period of five or six years is indispensable.

如果你要实践禅那瑜珈（静坐修定），如果你想通过意识的集中来认识宇宙意识，那么你必须应当完全中止所有的身体活动，所有的执着应该被无情地完全切断为期五，六年。应该完全停止阅读报纸和与亲友的书信交往，因为它们会导致分心并加强世界概念。一个为期五，六年的隐居独处是不可避免的。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Whether we practice yoga with pure or impure intention, all is good...

It really doesn't matter if people practice yoga or just the yoga asana exercises with pure intention or impure intention, all is good...

At least during that few moments of yoga practice or performing the yoga asana exercises, whether we do it with pure intention or selfish intention, we are moving the body and mind away from committing worldly passionate activities and unwholesome activities...

We are not taking any intoxicants or drugs. (Except for those who cannot live without intoxicants or drugs even for a few moments...)

We are not indulging in sensual enjoyments of sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch and thoughts... (Except in certain modernized yoga classes nowadays which include passionate sensual decorations, aromatic incense or fragrances, musics, beautifully designed yoga clothings and accessories, special materials for cushioning and positioning, temperature control and etc, into the yoga class or the space for yoga practice)

We are not engaging in gossiping or slandering or back-bitting or criticizing or scolding or blaming (we should be in silence while performing yoga practice being busy observing and minding our breath and stay focus on what we are doing)... We are not talking, expressing, arguing, discussing, debating, teasing, mocking, boasting, lying, justifying and etc... All these restrictions are there to restrict the speech organ and silent the thought currents, as well as eliminating the ego... (Except in some of the yoga group class where complete silence is not being observed. For example, chitchatting or socializing during the class with the other practitioners or continue to be communicating with somebody outside the class through the phone... Or even in our own self-practice at home, we couldn't let go of the phone calls or messages... Or imagine that we try to hold our breath (Pranayama) and being angry and arguing with somebody at the same time? It's an extremely difficult task to do...)

While performing the yoga practice (self-control over the thoughts, actions and speech, self-introspection and observation, mindfulness, chantings, prayers, study of the yoga scriptures, practice of asana and pranayama, limiting and restricting the senses inputs, practice of concentration and meditation, performing Kriya yoga, performing selfless service or Karma yoga and etc...) or just performing the yoga asana practice, we are not engaging in watching movies or show performances; reading novels or magazines or newspapers; eating or drinking; listening to music (There's no special music background in traditional yoga practice like in most of the yoga classes nowadays conducted in many yoga centres. There's only natural sounds of nature and the environment in the background. Some yoga teachers even cracked their head in search for different music albums for their classes because the yoga students might be complaining for playing the same music over and over again...); lying on soft bed; thinking; worrying; imagining; anticipating; speculating; planning; scheming; creating; interacting; socializing; committing sexual or reproduction activities; or doing any worldly passionate social activities apart from exercising and training the body and mind to be pure, calm and still, and be free from thinking or possessing worldly objects... All these are the practice of controlling the senses and withdrawing the senses from the sense objects. This is practicing self-control, control of the mind, purification, dispassion and detachment...

In those moments of yoga practice, worldly connections or relationships with "this and that" disappear... There is no easy life or hard life, there is no good relationship or bad relationship, there is no happy moments or unhappy moments, there is no enjoyment or suffering, there is no good people or bad people... Just the body and mind performing the yoga practice...

In those moments while we are engaging in sincere yoga practice, we are not creating any disturbance or bad influences into the environment or the world...

The entire yoga practice itself is nothing but bringing positive benefits or impacts into our own body and mind, and the world...

When we perform any yoga practice whether with pure or impure intention, we are purifying, harmonizing, charging, balancing and calming the energy fields in our body and mind, and naturally this will be benefiting the entire world...

In those few moments, there is less a being generating harms or damages into the world...

At least during those few moments of yoga practice while being silent and being attentive in performing the physical movements of the yoga practice, we control and restrain our body and mind from performing any evil thoughts, actions and speech that will cause disharmony in ourselves and other people or the world...

We are not committing or involved physically or mentally in wars, killings, lying, hatred, greed, jealousy, gossips, criticisms, slandering, back-bitting, violence, sexual misconducts, hypocrisy, stealing, politics, agendas, propagandas, power, position and etc... We are temporary being moved away from any worldly egoistic activities... (Except in those whose mind is still busy with thinking about worldly activities and sense objects while performing the yoga practice... That means they are not really concentrating on what they are doing...)

And so, it really doesn't matter what are the intentions or motives or reasons or desires that bring people to be practicing yoga, whether it is pure or impure, authentic or inauthentic, for spirituality, for physical fitness, for beauty, for youthfulness, for mobility, for strength, for health, for wealth, for fame, for satisfaction, for achievement, or for anything, it is all good...

It is better than engaging in unwholesome activities that will harm ourselves and others...

Those few moments of sincere yoga practice is actually being compassionate towards ourselves and the world...

The mind can only do one thing at one time... Even just by observing the breath for one tiny moment... That is already the greatest moment of peace and compassion...

Be happy...

Om shanti.

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (8)

Social nature is good for doing Karma Yoga. But it is extremely bad for practicing Dhyana Yoga (meditation). It drags you out. It makes your mind restless. It invites many friends who disturb you in a variety of ways.

社交的性格品质是适合修练无私行动瑜伽。但是对于练习禅那瑜伽（打坐／静坐）是极其恶劣的。它将你往外拉扯出去。它导至你的心灵不安。它邀请了许多朋友以多种型式来干扰你的修行。

Concentration and meditation - Swami Sivananda

Why do we practice yoga? (2)

There are many times readers come to Be Happy's blog through this search word "Why do we practice yoga"...

I had wrote an article about this topic before, but here are a few points that we can share again due to the world is changing rapidly fast...

Yoga practice is for all types of people or beings with different characteristics, personalities, believes, motives and expectations or desires...

Whatever we think yoga is, whatever we want yoga to be, or however we want to be benefited from yoga practice, whether for selfish intention or for selfless intention, it is fine. Yoga is there for us for anything that we desire (what we want) or do not desire (what we don't want)...

Some people do the yoga asana exercises as a fitness exercise to look good and feel good; for sustaining and improving physical and mental health and fitness; for slimming or to put on weight; for countering illnesses; for easier breathing; for detoxification remove toxic substances from our system; for countering stress; for better quality of sleep; for rehabilitation from physical and emotional injuries; for having better body alignments and posture; for over-all beauty and sense of well-being; for personal satisfaction and achievements; for passing time; for removing boredom or loneliness; for building self-esteem or confidence; for coming out from certain addictions; for healing purposes; for exploring and unfolding "things" beyond what our mind can perceive; for playing with the energy fields in our body; for attaining calmness and peacefulness; for relaxation; for creativity; for self-image; for socializing; for finding the better half; for pleasing somebody; for humanity; for ourselves; for the world; for being able to stand on our hands and our head, or to be able to bring our feet towards our head from behind; or mainly out of curiosity to try it out, since it is quite a popular "thing to do" and "topic to gossip about"; for fun; or just to do "something", and etc...

Some people do yoga asana for the purpose of balancing, purifying and calming the energy fields; stimulating and energizing the energy centres; unblocked any energy blockage; channeling the energy for higher spiritual realization; generate and conserving energy; changing the habits of the mind; changing how the mind feels and thinks; developing concentration, awareness and mindfulness; developing non-identification with the body and mind, letting go of the ego; letting go of judgment, comparison and expectation; letting go of pride and arrogance; letting go of discontentment and greed; letting go of craving and aversion; letting go of frustration, anger and hatred; developing patience, forbearance, non-attachment, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, cheerfulness, vitality, acceptance, and etc; being in the present moment now, accepting the present moment now as it is, accepting ourselves as we are in the present moment now as it is; letting go of physical, mental and emotional tensions; letting go of jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, anxiety, agitation, depression, negative thinking, low self-esteem, fear and worry; removing restlessness; purifying the mind remove impurities, and etc..., as part of the yoga practice, to prepare the body and mind for meditation to contemplate on the Truth of who we really are, to realize selflessness or compassion, and be free from ignorance and suffering that derived from ignorance, and realize eternal and unconditional peace, transcending birth and death, worldly existence, names and forms, qualities and dualities...

Beside the yoga asana as part of yoga practice, yoga practice consists of but not limiting to - observing ethical moral conducts (Yama & Niyama); restraining wants and desires; renunciation from worldly activities; renounce from the fruit of actions; restricting senses inputs; controlling the thoughts, actions and speech; performing Japas, Bhajans, Kirtans, chantings and prayers; performing Kriyas; study and contemplating on the Yoga Scriptures or the teachings of yoga; practice loving kindness, forgiveness, tolerance, honesty, truthfulness, simplicity, compassion, wisdom, dispassion, detachment, solitude, silence, austerity, celibacy, selfless service, faith and devotion towards the Truth and the universal consciousness, breath control - Pranayama, withdrawal of the senses from the objects of the senses - Pratyahara, concentration - Dharana, meditation - Dhyana, and annihilation of the mind - Samadhi...

There are also many other unlimited intentions, motives and expectations in people who practice yoga or just the yoga asana exercises, such as :-

To teach yoga exercises as livelihood, or to start yoga school(s) or yoga centre(s) as a money making business, to attain wealth, name and fame, or mainly to share the greatness of yoga with many other beings...

To train the body and mind to be able to do some artistic or acrobatic moves for show performances, or as personal achievement and satisfaction, or for entertainment, or for competition, or for taking photos or making videos to share with others or to make some profits, or for any other reasons...

To enhance memories, brains activities, mind's clarity, productivity and creativity...

To improve relationship, quality of life and quality of work...

To be able to sleep better, to balance up imbalanced hormones, to deal with everyday stress and frustration...

To tap the power of thoughts to make our wishes come true...

To let go of physical, mental or emotional pain, hurts and suffering...

To be a better person or human being...

To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty...

To be open-minded...

To be able to receive and give...

To be able to love and receive love...

To accept ourselves...

To be ourselves...

To love ourselves...

To be kind and compassionate towards ourselves and other beings...

To be what we want to be even if we think we are not "good" at it...

To be happy...

To be truly confident...

To know the truth of suffering...

To know the truth of existence...

To know who we really are...

To connect with the source in us...

To be pure...

To be free, to be liberated...

For humanity and world peace...

Or just be...

Om shanti.

Develop self yoga practice outside of yoga classes or yoga centres, beyond names and forms, time and space...

Real yoga practice starts in our own home, in our every moment living space. We should be able to develop self-practice at home, at work, at play, during holiday, being alone or being with somebody, when we are busy or when we are free, because yoga is not to be found only in yoga classes or yoga centres, but in our everyday living space, not separated from our everyday life experiences. Yoga practice is in our heart, in our living space, in our work place, in our playground, on the street, in the shopping malls, in the nature, in the world, wherever our awareness is, in this present moment...

Yoga practice is there when our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind come in contact with the objects of the senses, where the perception of names and forms and qualities begins, where judgment and comparison of good and bad begins, where craving and aversion towards what we like and dislike, agree and disagree, want and don't want begins, where impurities arising and passing away... Every moment purifying our mind, and letting go of the ego...

And yoga practice is not just limited in doing some yoga asana exercises... It's about dispassion, detachment, self-control and self-independence, which are found in our every moment of existence and awareness, unlimited by names and forms, time and space...

What stop us from having self asana practice at home, is self-discipline... It's not about limited space or having distractions from other people who live in the same house, or distractions from all sorts of comforts, enjoyments, interactions and inputs from TV, phones, Internet access, emails, facebook, neighbours and friends, and etc... Even in the tiny space in the kitchen or in the hallway can also be our practice ground... It is an excuse, if we say there is no space in our house for asana practice... If we are really determined, we can let go of the space for the TV or the couch, and make room for a space for our practice...

If everyday we can give ourselves a few moments to be away from Internet access (emailing or chatting or blogging or facebooking), not watching TV, not listening to radio or music, switch off the phone, not reading novels, magazines or newspapers, not talking, not socializing, not speculating or planning anything, not try to do something, just be in the present moment, whether sitting, or lying, or standing, or walking, observe our mind, our thoughts, observe our body and mind's reactions for being restricted, observe our natural breath, no need to perform any asana exercises, no need to have a specific space for any physical practice, letting go of what we think we cannot let go, letting go of all the identifications with what we think who we are, not try to be somebody, not try to be good or bad, not looking for peace and happiness, and those are the great moments of yoga practice...

There is nothing wrong with practicing yoga under a teacher's guidance and doing yoga practice under instructions in yoga classes provided by yoga centres and yoga schools... Especially for those who have no idea what is yoga and what are the practices...

If we think we cannot practice yoga at home, and need to be in a yoga class or yoga centre to practice "yoga", so that we can be temporary move away from our life and duties, so that we can do what we are told to do, depending or relying on the yoga teacher to give us instructions on what to do now and what to do next, then we still haven't connected with the real yoga practice yet, even though everyday, or a few times weekly or monthly we spend 1 or 2 hours in yoga classes in yoga centres, following the instructions of the yoga teacher, doing some "yoga practices"...

If we still need to depend or rely on yoga teachers to give us instructions to be practicing yoga, or rely on the teacher to tell us are we "good" or "not good", or depending on the space in a yoga studio to provide a suitable space for us to practice yoga, even though after years and years of going to yoga classes, then know that we are not getting any further than where we were from the start, even though physically and mentally we are getting some benefits from doing all the physical yoga exercises in the yoga classes, and our body and mind feels great after the yoga classes. We might be practicing yoga for many years but we are still not really peaceful, we are not free from being over-powered by low self-esteem, craving and aversion, anger and disappointment, fear and worries...

It's because we are still attached to the body and mind, still identifying with the body and mind looking for pleasant sensations and good feelings coming from the yoga exercises... There is nothing wrong with this idea of "in love with doing yoga exercises for getting good feelings and pleasant sensations", but know that this is also a form of attachment and craving... Once we don't get to do some yoga exercises, our body and mind feels bad and being agitated... We should learn to go beyond attachment towards the momentary conditional pleasantness coming from doing yoga exercises.

Anyone, after going for some yoga classes learning from yoga teachers, we should be able to develop self-practice already. It is about developing inner observation, self-awareness, self-discipline and non-attachment...

If after many years of learning and practicing "yoga" in yoga classes or yoga centres, and still cannot have self-practice without being in yoga classes or yoga studios, without getting instructions from yoga teachers, then obviously we didn't learn anything at all in those years of "learning" and "practicing" yoga...

No doubts that even there are many yoga teachers still have to go to other people's classes, continue in attending courses after courses, upgrading and improving themselves in all aspects, because we are not "free" yet, we are still learning and being humble, and want to improve in our own practice and our teaching skill... This is nothing wrong... But no matter how many classes and courses that we have attended, it all comes back to our own self-practice and self-realization that derived from self-discipline, self-control and self-awareness that will free us from ignorance, the cause of restlessness and unpeacefulness and be free...

Only in those who are already free, all actions ceased... There's no "teaching", no "learning", no "practicing", even though the actions of teaching, learning and practicing are there... There's no more differences or separateness between actions and inactions...

If there is no "pain", do we still need to do something to remove "pain"?

If our sense of well-being or self-worth or confidence or happiness is coming from how successful we can perform the asana poses that we couldn't perform before, or how many yoga asana poses that we can perform, or how good we look and feel while performing the asana poses, or how good we look and feel after performing the asana poses, or how much we are benefited from the asana poses physically, mentally and emotionally, then we are still a great distance away from our true Self... It indicates that we are identified with the body and mind, and is identified as the doer and the enjoyer of the actions and inactions generated by the body and mind...

We are not the body, we are not the mind. The body is not us, the mind is not us. The thinking, the sensations, the feelings are not us. We are not the thinking, the sensations, the feelings...

We are neither the doer nor the enjoyer of all the actions and inactions... There is neither gain nor loss...

Om shanti.

Additional notes for "Confused relationship mixed with love and hatred?"

Additional notes for "Confused relationship mixed with love and hatred?":

Feelings always changing... It's impermanent. That's why sometimes we feel love, sometimes we don't feel love... It's normal.

Unconditional love is being kind and compassionate towards any beings without selfish desires, selfish intention, judgment, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, expectation and attachment... It's selfless and unconditional...

There's no differences between us and everyone else. We love everyone including ourselves. There's no differences between "my" family or not "my" family, "my" friend or not "my" friend, people whom I know or don't know, people whom I like or don't like, people whom I agree with or disagree with, people whom I think they are good or not good.

And we do not expect love, gratitude and appreciation in return. There is no anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, unhappiness in compassionate love. Just like the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space are always there giving and providing all the necessary elements and energy for everything to be exist in the universe, without any desires, intention or judgment or comparison or expectation or likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... They never ask anything in return...

They don't get upset and angry or disappointed when the people polluting the earth, the water and the air. The space doesn't mind when people start to think that they "possess" the space as their own private space. The wind doesn't mind that the people harvest the wind and make money out of it... The sun doesn't get upset when people condemn the sun is too hot or too much, causing them skin cancer or skin burn... The sun has no intention to benefit anyone to be exist, nor cause anyone discomfort or painful suffering... The sun has no expectation that anyone will be grateful and thankful for its contribution for everything to be exist in the universe... (If we don't want to get skin burn or skin cancer, we take responsibility for ourselves, don't stay under the sun for too long...)

They are always there providing and giving for everything to be exist in this universe... It doesn't matter what are the reactions or judgments coming from the beings about the water is too much or too little, the air is too strong or too weak, the sun is too much or too little, the earth is too soft or too hard, the space is too big or too small...

Selfish passionate love comes with our selfish desires, intention, judgment, expectation, and possessiveness... Expect "my..." to be there for me, support me, love me, appreciate me, take care of me, to be grateful and thankful for "what I did for you and how much I love you..." and etc...

When our desires are not being gratified, when we don't get what we want from "my...", we get upset, angry, unhappy, disappointed...

Passionate love based on qualities, names and forms that I like and want. If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I like about you, then I feel love for you... If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I don't like about you, I don't feel love for you, I feel disgusting for you...

If you do things and say things that I like and agree with, I am happy and I love you... If you do things and say things that I don't like and don't agree with, I am angry and I hate you...

In selfish passionate love, we only love something that we like and agree with, but we cannot love something that we don't like and disagree with...

Compassionate love is beyond all qualities, names and forms... No love, no hate... Beyond likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... We don't have to love or hate anything or anyone... We accept and respect everything and everyone as it is...

If we can love "our" family, "our" friends, "our" parents, "our" siblings, "our" girlfriend or boyfriend, out of compassion, there is no unhappiness, anger or disappointment... We don't own them, and they have no obligation to love us or satisfy our desires or to make us happy... Even if someone we love doesn't love us at all, it doesn't matter... We won't feel hurt from not getting the love that we want... If we are compassionate... We don't need to get love from anyone, because we are love itself...

We have no desire for anyone to give us love... We don't need to... There are unlimited or abundance of love in us already... And we can love anyone without expectation...

That's why selfish possessive type of passionate love relationship ends up sour and bitter, full of anger, hatred, unhappiness and disappointment... It's because our desires are not being fulfilled... We didn't get what we want... The relationship didn't turn out the way that we want... "My..." didn't treat me or behave the way that I want them to treat me or behave...

You see, it's all come from what "I" want and what "I" like... We make ourselves suffer and unhappy... It's not the people that we love or people in the relationship with us that make us suffer and not happy...

Om shanti...

Confused relationship mixed with love and hatred?

Lately there are some readers find Be Happy's Blog through this search word - "confused relationship mixed with love and hatred"...

We might be interested to know about "love and hatred in relationship", maybe it is coming from our own life experience or from other people's life experience, it is beneficial for anyone and any relationships for us to know about why a love relationship can turn sour and bitter, and have hatred towards our partner and the relationship...

From the point of view of Yoga teachings about the mind, the ego, the feelings, desires, ignorance, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, attachments, suffering, compassion and the law of impermanence, here are some explanations why there are quite many confused relationships mixed with love and hatred in the world...

Before we can love another person and get into relationship with anyone, we need to have love in ourselves. We are able to love ourselves and are happy with ourselves as we are, and not having expectation that our lover or partner will make us happy or expect the relationship will give us love and happiness...

To love ourselves, we need to be able to accept ourselves as we are in the present moment as it is... Then only we can love ourselves and be happy with our own self as we are... If we cannot accept ourselves as we are, and don't know how to love ourselves, how is it possible for us to accept other people as they are and know how to love other people as they are? If we are not peaceful and have no love, how can we share peace and love with others?

We will be very disappointed by our own expectation, and the relationship will definitely turn sour and bitter if we expect our lover or partner or the relationship to give us love and happiness, to make us happy and be loved... It's because nobody and no relationship can give us love and happiness... Love and happiness is coming from within ourselves, loving ourselves as we are and accepting ourselves as we are, whether we are in a relationship with someone or not...

If we don't have love in ourselves and are not happy with our own self as we are, and trying to get love and happiness from other people or from relationship to get rid of the incompleteness and emptiness in us, then no matter how much our partner love us and be nice to us, we will never be satisfied and happy...

At the beginning of a relationship, two people must be in love with each other and decided to be in a relationship sharing life together.

But, as time goes by, impermanence strikes... Physical condition changes, appearance changes, abilities change, mentality changes, things change, environment changes, the state of mind changes, feelings change, hormones change, likes and dislikes change, what we want and don't want change...

After spending some time together getting to know each other deeper, exposing our real personality in front of our partner, we realize that we don't really like or love our partner as much as before, because we start to see the qualities in our partner that we don't like about... The feeling of love become lesser and lesser, and one day, it's completely gone... We are not in love with him or her anymore... It's heartbreaking for our partner to know that we are not in love with them anymore, if they are still in love with us... They might get upset and be angry with us... And they have the rights and should be allowed to be upset and angry with us...

Even when we feel in love with our partner more than before as time goes by, that is because we start to see more qualities in our partner that we like about...

This is definitely nothing wrong... It is the Truth of impermanence.

It is also the Truth of "We don't really love anyone at all, but we only fell in love with some qualities that we like and agree with in that person at that moment... Maybe it's the physical body, the face, the entire appearance, the sexuality, the energy field, the personality, the way that he or she talks and moves, the way that he or she treats us, what he or she does, what he or she likes and dislikes, what he or she believes, how he or she thinks, and etc..."

Once those qualities in our lover or partner changed into something different from what we like and want, or when what we like and want has changed, we like and want something else, then we don't feel love or interest in this person anymore... And from then, everything that our partner do and say will annoy us easily and this will turn into feelings of disgust and hatred towards our partner and the relationship...

When we are still in love with the qualities in our lover or partner, everything that our lover or partner say and do is nice and positive... When we stop loving the qualities in our lover or partner, then everything that our partner say and do is not nice and negative...

Our partner and the relationship doesn't have the qualities or intention to make us happy or not happy, to give us love or not... It is the projection from our own mind's expectation that we will be loved and be treated the way that we want it to be from our lover or partner, then we will be happy and feel love... And if we are not being loved or treated the way that we want it to be from our lover or partner, we will be unhappy and feel frustrated... From frustration it becomes anger, and from anger it turns into hatred...

When we say we love someone, know that we don't really love that person... We are selfish. We only love what we like and agree with... Once it changed into something that we don't like and don't agree with, we don't feel love for that person anymore and replace with disgust, disinterest and hatred, because we couldn't find pleasure, excitement and happiness in the relationship with that person, because we cannot love him or her as he is, as she is, as changes happen in us and in our lover or partner from moment to moment... We cannot find satisfaction in our lover or partner or the relationship now, because they are not the things that we like and want anymore...

This is a cruel reality about love relationship, but it is the Truth...

So, if we feel hatred in a relationship, ask ourselves this question, "Do we really love this person?" or "Are we just in love with the qualities in that person that we like and agree with?"

If we really love this person, we won't have hatred towards this person or this relationship... We will be able to accept our partner as he is or as she is, and able to accept the relationship as it is, even though there are constant changes in us or in our partner or in the relationship... And if we really know what is unconditional love or selfless love or unselfish love, we won't have any expectation in getting love and happiness from our partner or from the relationship... Even if we don't get any love in return, we are fine because we love ourselves. We have love and happiness in ourselves. We do not depend on our partner or any relationship to give us love and happiness...

And if we feel hatred, then that clearly indicates that we don't really love this person. How can we hate someone that we really love? That indicates that we only love the image of that person that we built up for him or her, we only love the qualities that we expect from him or her, but we hate the reality of that person being what he is or what she is, but then this reality is not something that we like and want... That's why we feel love and hatred at the same time in a love relationship...

Sometimes the feeling of hatred is not about our partner not being the person that we like and want, but it is from ourselves being dissatisfied with ourselves, looking for compliments from our partner to fulfill that imperfection or incompleteness in us, and if we couldn't get that from our partner or from the relationship, we will be more disappointed and frustrated with ourselves, and turn that frustration and anger towards our partner and our relationship as well, blaming our partner or the relationship causing us unhappiness...

We think we are angry with our lover or partner, but actually we are angry with ourselves...

Sometimes it is just some hormonal changes in our body that generates the feeling of disgust, disinterest and hatred. That is nothing to do with whether our partner is being loving and nice to us or not. Even though our partners love us very much and treat us the way that we want them to treat us, but due to the hormone changes influencing our mood very much, we'll still feel like "we don't love our partner", or "we hate our partner", or "we hate our relationship", or "we hate ourselves", or "we hate our life"... If this is the case, then by changing our lifestyle, do some exercise regularly, eat some healthy choice of food, stop eating junk food, stop abusing the body and mind with unhealthy inputs, have a healthy sleeping pattern, balancing work, rest and play, will help to balance up the hormone system in our body and will change how we feel and don't feel...

Sometimes we feel anger and hatred towards our lover or partner or the relationship, it is because our partners did something or said something that really hurt our feelings, we cannot forgive and hold on to that bitterness, and it turn into anger and hatred towards our partner for hurting us... We need to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves by letting go of anger and hatred... Forgive and let go whatever had happened... If our partner is still hurting us with his or her actions and speech, we can choose to let go of this relationship, in order to allow ourselves to heal ourselves, to love ourselves, to be kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and not allow ourselves continue to be abused or hurt by that person, even if we love that person very much and don't feel like leaving him or her.

If our lover or partner really loves us, they won't be abusing or hurting us so much... And if they really love us, but at the same time unwittingly, whether intentionally or unintentionally hurting us through actions and speech, that must be something isn't right going on in his or her mind... He or she is in suffering. He or she is not happy, not peaceful... And if this is the case, we won't have anger and hatred towards him or her, because we will be compassionate towards his or her situation or condition...

Some people are being over-powered by drugs or alcohol, and cannot control their own actions and speech, and generates hurts to their lover or partner, physically, mentally and emotionally... But, when they come back to sanity, they feel so guilty and regret for what they have done... If this is the case, this person needs to help himself or herself to come out from this suffering... We cannot do anything to help this person if he or she doesn't want to help himself or herself to be free from drugs or alcohol abuse... Sometimes we have to let go this relationship, but we can continue to help this person to come out from his or her problems, if we love this person, but this action of helping is out of compassion, and not as a person in the relationship being responsible or obligated to help this person...

If our lover or partner is taking pleasure in their actions and speech to hurt us physically, mentally and emotionally, that means he or she is very sick, mentally sick... And he or she is in great suffering being totally deluded by ignorance... We should be compassionate towards him or her, and won't be angry with him or her... We don't have to continue to be in this relationship if we don't want to, and let him or her takes responsibility for himself or herself... We cannot take responsibility for his or her ignorance. Everyone has to take responsibility for themselves... We cannot expect our lover and partner to take responsibility for our mentality and behavior, or to remove the ignorance for us, just because they are in a relationship with us...

If things can be fixed, we can try our best to fix it. If things cannot be fixed, we have to let it go...

No matter what reasons that induce the feelings of anger and hatred in relationship, most important is that we need to be able to forgive and let go... Free ourselves, free our body and mind from anger and hatred is more important than try to please other people, or to help other people to come out from suffering, when we ourselves need to be helped and healed. We need to love ourselves, accept ourselves as we are, and then we are able to love someone else, and accept other people as they are... Even though they don't love us or didn't treat us the way that we want them to treat us, we will still love this person as he is or as she is, out of compassion, without asking any love and appreciation in return...

And if continue in a relationship will only bring further unhappiness and suffering onto one of us or the two of us, because we cannot change how we feel about the other person, or change how the other person feels for us, then it is better to let this relationship go... May ourselves be happy, and may our lover or partner be happy... We might meet some other people who can teach us how to love ourselves and be happy in any relationships... We allow the universe to bring us the one who is our partner and our teacher as well... Who knows maybe days later, or weeks later, or months later, or years later the two people will love each other again, and want to start a new relationship with greater understanding and unconditional love...

We should be able to be free and be happy with ourselves whether being in a relationship or not being in a relationship...

If being in a relationship that doesn't allow us to be truthful and honest for being what we really are, then this relationship won't last long, even though we love that person very much and want to be with that person... If we try to please the other person by presenting ourselves pretend to be somebody with the image and personality that he or she likes, we will be exhausted and unhappy... There's no meanings in preserving this relationship...

If we are really angry with our lover or partner whether there's a reason or there's no reason for that anger, we should be able to let our lover or partner know that we don't feel good and we are angry... And if he or she really loves us as we are, they won't mind about it and will accept that in this present moment now, we are not in a good mood, and not necessarily that there is a problem in the relationship...

We don't need to find faults nor blame anyone for our anger and unhappiness as this will energized the fire of anger and unhappiness. Even this anger and unhappiness will pass away... It's impermanent... After a few moments, or a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months, that feeling of anger and unhappiness will be gone... Why want to ruin a fine relationship just because of some common feelings of up and down that exist in everyone, that are impermanent?

If we really love someone, we should be able to allow that person to be able to freely express his or her present feelings and emotion, and give support to him or her... Develop an open-minded understanding that sometimes (especially when we are still not being free from identification with the ego yet), we can be disturbed, we can be imbalanced, we can be fragile, we can be not so kind, we can be selfish, we can be emotional, we might have anger, we might have jealousy, we might have disappointment, we might have dissatisfaction, and etc... And through this understanding, we allow ourselves and the other person to be who we really are, to express freely and honestly how we feel, and be able to be "not so nice" and "not so loving" once in a while... We are not perfect, and we cannot expect our partner to be perfect all the time...

Go and find love and peace and contentment in our own self first, before we get into a relationship and telling our partner, "I love you..." when we don't really love ourselves and are not happy with ourselves, and expect to find love and happiness from our partner and love relationship... Expecting our partner and love relationship will give us love and happiness to remove the feelings of loneliness and unhappiness... We will be very disappointed because our partner and the relationship cannot give us love and happiness... They cannot take away the loneliness and unhappiness in us...

Love and happiness is coming from within our self, when we are free from attachments, craving and aversion... Momentary feelings of love and happiness that come from getting what the ego likes and wants, and having our desires fulfilled, and not experience anything that we don't like and don't want, are conditional and impermanent... As long as craving and aversion is there, we can never be fully satisfied, or be truly happy for being what we are and accepting everything as it is...

There is nobody nor any relationships will give us love and happiness, if we don't have love and happiness in ourselves... If we feel love and happiness being with somebody in a relationship, that is because we love ourselves... If we feel hate and unhappiness being with somebody in a relationship, that is because we don't love ourselves...

We will be disappointed and feel frustrated in the relationship, when we realize that our partner and our relationship cannot give us the things that we want, such like love, happiness, completeness, satisfaction, pleasure, and etc...

The warm happy love feelings and satisfaction that we think they are coming from our relationship with our partner, and our partner is loving us and being nice to us, it's conditional, it's limited, it is not real happiness... Why? Because if there is some problems occur in our relationship, and our partner stop being loving and are not nice to us anymore, do we still feel warm happy love feelings and satisfaction? Nope, we don't... Instead we will feel so unhappy, angry, hating and disappointed...

We feel love and happiness it's not because our partner love us, but because they love us the way that we want them to love us... Even if our partner love us, but not love us the way that we want them to love us, we won't be happy and satisfied. In fact, we will be angry with them... Where is love? There's no love... We only love our own selfish intention and expectation towards our lover or partner and the relationship... When our intention and expectation is being gratified, we feel good and happy... But when our intention and expectation is not being gratified, we feel unhappy and angry... Do we still want to say that we love our lover or partner?

If we both have love and happiness within ourselves, then both of us can compliment each other without trying to expect the other person to give us love and make us happy... This type of relationship will last long, even though sometimes we have mood swing, and sometimes there are ups and downs in life...

Every time when we feel angry with our lover or partner, know that it is nothing to do with our lover or partner... It is because we are angry with the reality of things that are not the way that we like them to be... Our likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement, craving and aversion are not being gratified, that's why we are angry and disappointed... It is not because of our partner's behavior is not nice, but it is because we don't like or don't agree with the way things are, especially when our partner didn't behave the way that we "expect" them to behave...

It is okay that sometimes we don't feel love or we feel angry in a relationship with someone... Allow ourselves and our partner to experience impermanence of feelings and moods... Feelings of love will pass... Feelings of hatred also will pass... What remain is unconditional love that is beyond feelings of love and hatred that keeps the relationship growing and lasting...

Real love and happiness is unconditional and will not change... It is always there in us, no matter how is our relationship with someone, or how is our partner treating us, or whether our partner will fulfill our desires, or having qualities that we like and want or not...

May all be happy whether being in a relationship with someone or not...

Om shanti...

Be happy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Additional notes :

Feelings always changing... It's impermanent. That's why sometimes we feel love, sometimes we don't feel love... It's normal.

Unconditional love is being kind and compassionate towards any beings without selfish desires, selfish intention, judgment, likes and dislikes, craving and aversion, expectation and attachment... It's selfless and unconditional...

There's no differences between us and everyone else. We love everyone including ourselves. There's no differences between "my" family or not "my" family, "my" friend or not "my" friend, people whom I know or don't know, people whom I like or don't like, people whom I agree with or disagree with, people whom I think they are good or not good.

And we do not expect love, gratitude and appreciation in return. There is no anger, hatred, jealousy, disappointment, unhappiness in compassionate love. Just like the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space are always there giving and providing all the necessary elements and energy for everything to be exist in the universe, without any desires, intention or judgment or comparison or expectation or likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... They never ask anything in return...

They don't get upset and angry or disappointed when the people polluting the earth, the water and the air. The space doesn't mind when people start to think that they "possess" the space as their own private space. The wind doesn't mind that the people harvest the wind and make money out of it... The sun doesn't get upset when people condemn the sun is too hot or too much, causing them skin cancer or skin burn... The sun has no intention to benefit anyone to be exist, nor cause anyone discomfort or painful suffering... The sun has no expectation that anyone will be grateful and thankful for its contribution for everything to be exist in the universe... (If we don't want to get skin burn or skin cancer, we take responsibility for ourselves, don't stay under the sun for too long...)

They are always there providing and giving for everything to be exist in this universe... It doesn't matter what are the reactions or judgments coming from the beings about the water is too much or too little, the air is too strong or too weak, the sun is too much or too little, the earth is too soft or too hard, the space is too big or too small...

Selfish passionate love comes with our selfish desires, intention, judgment, expectation, and possessiveness... Expect "my..." to be there for me, support me, love me, appreciate me, take care of me, to be grateful and thankful for "what I did for you and how much I love you..." and etc...

When our desires are not being gratified, when we don't get what we want from "my...", we get upset, angry, unhappy, disappointed...

Passionate love based on qualities, names and forms that I like and want. If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I like about you, then I feel love for you... If I see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think about qualities that I don't like about you, I don't feel love for you, I feel disgusting for you...

If you do things and say things that I like and agree with, I am happy and I love you... If you do things and say things that I don't like and don't agree with, I am angry and I hate you...

In selfish passionate love, we only love something that we like and agree with, but we cannot love something that we don't like and disagree with...

Compassionate love is beyond all qualities, names and forms... No love, no hate... Beyond likes and dislikes, agreement and disagreement... We don't have to love or hate anything or anyone... We accept and respect everything and everyone as it is...

If we can love "our" family, "our" friends, "our" parents, "our" siblings, "our" girlfriend or boyfriend, out of compassion, there is no unhappiness, anger or disappointment... We don't own them, and they have no obligation to love us or satisfy our desires or to make us happy... Even if someone we love doesn't love us at all, it doesn't matter... We won't feel hurt from not getting the love that we want... If we are compassionate... We don't need to get love from anyone, because we are love itself...

We have no desire for anyone to give us love... We don't need to... There are unlimited or abundance of love in us already... And we can love anyone without expectation...

That's why selfish possessive type of passionate love relationship ends up sour and bitter, full of anger, hatred, unhappiness and disappointment... It's because our desires are not being fulfilled... We didn't get what we want... The relationship didn't turn out the way that we want... "My..." didn't treat me or behave the way that I want them to treat me or behave...

You see, it's all come from what "I" want and what "I" like... We make ourselves suffer and unhappy... It's not the people that we love or people in the relationship with us that make us suffer and not happy...

Om shanti...

Letting go of the ego - Letting go of pride and arrogance...

This is not as easy as it says...

At least if we want, we can try our best...

To let go of the ego...

Letting go of pride and arrogance...

We don't really need pride and arrogance to be "somebody"...

We don't even need to be "somebody" with certain pride to be living in this world...

This life existence does not exist without the sun, the air, the water, the earth and the space providing and supporting all beings to be existing in this world...

Life can be without pride and arrogance...

It will be less tensions and more peaceful...

If anyone is being happy and peaceful by possessing pride and arrogance, and wants to continue to be proud and arrogant, there is nothing wrong with that... Be happy being proud and arrogant...

Deep inside us, we know that actually we are not really confident and are not happy about ourselves, that's why we need to possess pride and arrogance to feel good about ourselves, and to feel we are stronger and better than anyone else...

The ego is neither good nor bad. If we identify with the ego, we will be over-powered by the idea of "I" and "mine", desires, cravings and aversions, and being restless, busy with building up a worldly self-image or social status, and getting what we desire, and busy protecting the self-image that we built up for ourselves and protecting all the attachments, possessions and belongings, and be in fear and worry towards losing what we think is "I" (that "built" on pride, self-image, self-esteem, self-worth, accumulation of knowledge, wealth, health, relationships, achievements and etc...) If we know how to not identify with it, and just let the physical body with the thinking faculty to be performing its necessary function for maintaining this life existence, we will be free and happy being "what we are", as we are, and not trying to become somebody with certain prideful or proud deserving self-image and qualities...

If we want to be truly confident and happy, we really need to let go of the identification with the ego, or the idea of 'I', letting go of pride and arrogance that comes along with the ego...

We need to be able to accept ourselves as we are, and not looking forward trying to be somebody else that we are not, even if we "think" that we are not perfect... And when we realize the true nature of what we think we are, which is perfect, selfless, attributeless, nameless and formless, there is no need of attaining "good qualities" to be proud and arrogant, to support us or to determine us to be "what we are"...

Before we can "let go of the ego", we need to know who or what is this ego...

Whenever there is cognition about "I", "my", "mine", "I am", "I am not", "I feel", "I don't feel", "I like", "I don't like", "I want", "I don't want", "I agree", "I don't agree", "I am peaceful", "I am not peaceful", "I am good", "I am not good", "I am positive", "I am negative", "I am happy", "I am not happy", "I am wise", "I am not wise", "I am compassionate", "I am not compassionate", "I am superior", I am inferior", "I am special", "I am not special", "I am a yogi", "I am a yoga teacher", "I am strong", "I am not strong", "I am so and so", "I am this or that", "I practice yoga", "I don't practice yoga", "I am a vegetarian", "I am not a vegetarian", "I meditate", "I don't meditate", "I did, I do, I will do", "I didn't do, I don't do, I will not do", "I have to", "I need to", "I wish to", "I don't wish to", "I have", "I don't have", "I am loved", "I am not loved", "I am accepted", "I am rejected", "I've succeeded", "I've failed", and in any other forms of identifications, qualities and perceptions about "I" or "me" or "my" or "mine"... Know that all these are the plays of the ego...

By surrendering the ego, we are letting go of the identification with all these "names and forms", "qualities", "self-judgment", "self-evaluation", "self-image", "self-esteem", "selfish desires", "expectation", and so on... This looks like it's going against the worldly thinking of "Everyone needs to have certain self-image, self-evaluation and self-esteem to be somebody..." or "Everyone needs to have certain expectations to set as a goal to strive to be better and to be successful in life..."

In the path of yoga and meditation, we are going to let go of all these worldly thinking and concepts about "who we should be" and "how we should be"...

We don't just expect ourselves to have certain self-image, but we also project qualities onto other people and give them certain image... And usually we will project an image with certain qualities that comes from our own mind perception onto other people, judging this person as "this" and that person as "that", judging everyone "you are good" and "you are not good" based on what our mind believes what things are... But, how true is our belief, perception and judgment?

For example, we will expect a "yoga teacher" should have certain "yoga teacher" image, and he or she should behave or present himself or herself as what a "yoga teacher" should be behaving... We will expect a "yogi" should have certain "yogi" image, and he or she should behave or present himself or herself as what a "yogi" should be behaving...

And it's not just that, we also think that a "yoga teacher" or a "yogi" should behave as what a "yoga teacher" or "yogi" should behave appropriately, so that other people can follow and imitate that appropriate "image", and learn to become a "proper" yoga teacher or "proper" yogi...

And we get so disappointed by our own expectation towards how other people should behave, when other people didn't "behave" in the way that what we think they should be behaving...

We also get so annoyed and unhappy when other people project different images or judgments onto us, which are contradicted or different from what we think we are... Such like, when we think we are "a nice and good person", but other people didn't think so, and they think that we are "not nice and not good"... And if we identify with the ego, we will be so unhappy and upset when we are being projected by other people as "somebody who is not what we think we are"...

We expect other people to see us or judge us exactly as what we think we are or "what we want" them to think what we are, "a nice and good person"... We want to have a "good" image in other people's mind... We want other people to think that we are "nice and good people"... And we have been doing lots of good, and have been nice and good to other people, how could they possibly think that "I am not nice and not good"...? They are wrong and misunderstood about "me"... And then we will want to justify ourselves or try to convince other people that we are what we think we are, "a nice and good person", and not what they thought what we are not... And if other people still "judge" us differently from what we think we are, we'll be more disappointed, unhappy and upset...

Those who have gone beyond the ego, they will not be bothered by how other people think about them, or judge them, or misunderstood them... Criticism, slandering or condemn won't affect them, nor damage their confidence, nor change who they are and how they are... Neither praise and compliments will affect them, nor increase their confidence, nor change who they are and how they are... They are not being determined, or defined, or conditioned by praise and condemn...

The one who is getting upset and feels insulted is the ego... The one who is getting delighted and feels appreciated is the ego... This is one of the characteristics of the ego...

The ego also likes to compare with others, having jealousy towards other people who are somehow "better", or "happier", or "smarter", or "luckier", or "stronger", "fitter", "wealthier", "more successful", "more popular", or "more superior" than us...

The ego will look down on other people who are somehow "less good", "less happy", "less smart", "less lucky", "less strong", "less fit", "less wealthy", "less successful", "less popular", or "more inferior" than us...

The ego will feel so happy and delighted when things turn out to be the way that it wants it to be...

The ego will feel so unhappy and disappointed if things didn't turn out to be the way that it wants it to be...

The ego also will be so proud and arrogant about the knowledge that it has and the achievements that it attained, and it wants to be noticed and acknowledged by the world about what it knows and what it had achieved... It needs approval, agreement, attention, acknowledgment, support, appreciation and compliment from the world to be "somebody", to feel proud, to feel good, to feel meaningful, to be confident, to be happy, to be special, to be important...

These are the most significant characteristics of the ego, accompanied by pride and arrogance, as well as attachment towards success and failure, praise and condemn, being conditioned and determined by success and failure, praise and condemn to be happy or not happy, to be confident or not confident, to feel meaningful, or not...

When we are full of anger, we project anger onto other people, seeing and hearing everything that we see and hear as an object of anger or the reason to be angry... When our mind is negative, we project everyone and everything as negative... Whatever we see and hear is negative... When our mind is positive, we project everyone and everything as positive... Whatever we see and hear is positive... But, the Truth is, everyone and everything is neither negative nor positive. Everyone and everything is just being what it is... They have no qualities nor intention to be negative or positive... They have no qualities to make us happy or unhappy...

Whenever "we" see, or hear, or experience something that "we" like and agree with, "we" feel good, excited, happy, satisfied, encouraged, motivated and so on... Actually that is the ego comes in contact with what it likes and agrees with... It is the ego feeling good, excited, happy, satisfied, encouraged, motivated and so on...

Whenever "we" see, or hear, or experience something that "we" don't like and don't agree with, "we" feel upset, unhappy, frustrated, irritated, agitated, discouraged, demotivated, disappointed, angry and so on... Actually that is the ego comes in contact with what it doesn't like and disagrees with... It is the ego feeling upset, unhappy, frustrated, irritated, agitated, discouraged, demotivated, disappointed, angry and so on...

To let go of the ego, is to not identify with the ego, and not associate with its reactions towards all the names and forms that the mind perceives or experiences through the senses... And remain unattached towards all these perceptions of names and forms, being the observer or the witness of the thinking mind and its activities...

When "we" feel hurt or feel insulted by somebody or something, that is the ego reacting when it is being challenged for its "power", "knowledge", "authority", "confidence", or "self-image"...

The ego will try its best to "make" other people to like it, to love it, to agree with it, to support it, to respect it, to trust it, to appreciate it, to compliment it, and so on...

The ego wants to be, and needs to be "somebody" with certain image and qualities that is being recognized, approved and acknowledged by family and friends, the leaders, the authority, the society, or the community of the world...

The ego identified and attached to certain self-image, identity, qualities, conditions, abilities, thinking, concepts, beliefs, ideas, traditions, lifestyles, ways of doing things, judgments, possessions, achievements, and so on, to be "somebody"...

The one who wants to express thoughts, ideas, creativity, feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes, wants and don't wants, agreements and disagreements, and so on, under certain intention, motivation and expectation, is the ego...

Justification and arguing is one of the characteristics of the ego... It doesn't like to see or hear something that it doesn't agree with...

The ego depends or relies on "personal" or "professional" image and worldly identifications and achievements, such like, personality, uniqueness, academic and sports achievements, sensual and material enjoyments, personal characteristic and physical appearance, physical and mental conditions and abilities, financial status, social status, religious status, spiritual status, work and social activities and achievements, family and love relationships, friendships, fellowships, material possessions, wealth accumulations, lifestyles, worldly point of views, judgments, expectations and so on, to be "somebody", to be "special", to be "important", to feel good, to feel being needed, to feel meaningful, to feel confident, to feel worthy, to feel deserving, and so on...

The ego is being conditioned and determined by other people's judgments, evaluations, comments, supports, attention, liking, agreement, acknowledgment, acceptance, appreciation, and so on, to be "who we are" in this worldly existence...

The ego is being conditioned and determined by "qualifications", "certifications", "social status", "financial status", "academic status", "lifestyle status", "leisure status", "relationship status", "family status", "spiritual status", "fitness status", "health status", "mental status", "achievements", "personalities", "personal image", "professional image", and so on, to be "somebody" who is well-worth living as a "person" or "human being"...

"We" think that "we" need all these "things" to be "who we are"... But it is just the ego clinging onto, or depending on all these "things" or "qualities" to be "alive", to be "strong" and to be "in control"...

When we identify with the ego, our confidence and sense of self-worth are swaying up and down, according to the identifications, self-image, impermanent qualities and achievements that we create for ourselves... We are restlessly trying to be "somebody" with such and such qualities, making ourselves so busy trying to build up a "lovable", "perfect", "healthy" and "pride deserving" self-image... We are also being busy trying to protect or upkeep this "self-image" that we have created for ourselves... We don't want this "good" self-image to be damaged or contaminated by "bad" reviews or "bad" qualities...

We are full of fear and worry, craving, clinging and aversion...

We are in a constant state of restlessness being dissatisfied for being "who we are" and "how we are" in the present moment now, rejecting and not accepting ourselves as we are...

If we can just let go of this ego, we will be so free being who we are and how we are, in this present moment now, as we are... Not looking forward to try to become "somebody" that we are not...

We can continue to perform actions in the world, to constantly improve, and do our best in our life to pursue all our dreams and goals, but we are no longer being determined, or defined, or conditioned by all these names and forms, and the results of our actions, what we can do and cannot do, what we can achieve and cannot achieve... We are free while at the same time performing necessary actions improving ourselves in life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...

We are always confident, it's because we are free from being conditioned and determined by the ego, and not because we are "somebody" with such and such qualities and achievements...

We are always happy, it's because we are free from tensions and discontentment that come from being dissatisfied towards "who we are" and "how we are", and not because we are "somebody", or we are "this" and "that", or we have "this" and "that"...

We can fully enjoy what we do in life for ourselves or for other people, but we are not being determined or defined by all these things (our actions, the fruit of our actions, and the reactions of other people towards our actions)...

Yoga and meditation practice is nothing but to eliminate this ego... And be free.

This is truly liberation, being free from the ego, be free from the "worldly standardized" self-image, social status, pride and arrogance...

Om shanti.