be happy

Retreat ourselves in everyday life, not just during silent retreats...

2012-02-11T23:21:00.012+08:00

What are we doing in silent retreats?

We practice intense or serious non-attachment...

Retreat from the attachments in our life. Retreat from names and forms that we always see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think... Retreat from our everyday worldly activities, actions and speech... Retreat from our usual behavior pattern or routine... Retreat from our daily life worries and cares... Retreat from interaction, communication, discussion, debate, argument, expression, reaction, expectation, wanting, talking, mingling, socializing, mixing, gossiping, criticizing, judging, comparing, justification, worldly sensual pleasure and enjoyments, and etc...

We stop giving the mind what it wants and likes... We stop gratifying the craving and aversion of the mind... We move the mind away from its usual activities and enjoyments... This will not be easy nor comfortable for the mind... It will reject and resent... It will experience irritation and frustration... It will want to runaway from the retreat and go back to its usual habits, activities and enjoyments...

Meditation is not about making the mind to become creative and artistic, no doubt that many people who practice meditation regularly will naturally be developing the creativity and artistic side of the mind... They will have many creative ideas and imaginations... But, this is not the purpose of meditation. It is just one of the side-effects of meditation... Those who are not careful about this, will tend to attach to the "side-effect" of meditation, attach to the increasing creativity and ideas, and spend their energy and time into worldly social activities...

Meditation is stopping the mind from being creative. It is about absorbing or entering into silence, into namelessness and formlessness... There is no colours, no shapes, no forms, no qualities, no sights, no sounds, no smells, no taste, no sensations, no thinking, no thoughts, no creativity, no ideas, no imaginations, no interaction, no passions, no desires, no perception, no reaction, no happiness, no unhappiness, no good, no bad, no birth, no death, no fear, no worry, no gain, no loss, no ignorance, no excitement, no depression, no enjoyment, no suffering, no cessation of suffering, no ego, no mind, no intellect, no body...

The mind absorb into its source - The highest consciousness or the universal consciousness.

There is no meditator, no meditation, no fruit of meditation...

And this practice should not just be practice during or limited in silent retreats... It should be practice in our everyday life moderately, if we really want to be free from the bondage of birth and death, be free from suffering that co-exist with the body and the mind...

Talk less... If we really need to talk, may it be the speech of Dharma or the Truth... Even though most of the time, the Truth is not something that we want or like to hear... Sometimes, the Truth can be hurtful and painful, but it will release us from heavier suffering and ignorance...

Reduce or limit worldly passionate activities, socializing, interacting, gathering, stimulation of the mind...

There is no more attachment or clinging onto worldly materials, relationships and affairs... There is no more craving for love, care, support and attention from the world or relationships with anyone... There is no more depending on any worldly achievements to be confident, to be happy, to be somebody... Not even depending on any spiritual achievements to be confident, to be happy, to be somebody... The one who is beyond all names and forms, is a free being...

Those who retreat themselves moderately in everyday life but still living amidst in the busy and "interesting" world, might be criticized by worldly minded people as loner, insociable, unfriendly, strange, arrogant or care-less, but it doesn't matter... Because the wise will not argue with the ignorant, and will not mind about worldly perception, judgment, criticism and comment coming from the worldly minded... They will only be compassionate towards the beings who are over-powered by ignorance...

In those who had tasted the joy of detachment and dispassion, only they will know and appreciate the joy of trouble-free that comes from non-attachment and retreating from worldly passionate activities... And they are not interested to attain some sort of momentary satisfaction or happy feelings that come from worldly passionate activities...

They will spend their existing energy in their own practice and to help the world silently, not getting any attention from the world... They are the beings who really know how to help the world but without being known of who they are and what they do, and without being affected by the world and the result of their compassionate actions...

It is common that during or immediately after a silent retreat, we will be able to taste the joy of retreating ourselves from worldly passionate activities and relationships, experience care-free and worry-less, but very soon once we step back into our life in the worldly society, we start to attach to our worldly activities and relationships, and move away from detachment and dispassion, and be miserable again...

Om shanti.

The importance of Satsanga, Kutsanga & Asanga in the path of yoga and meditation

2012-02-10T23:25:00.014+08:00

There are wise spiritual beings (Satsanga) that can uplift us, help us and guide us in the path of yoga and meditation to evolve towards higher consciousness... These Satsanga will encourage us to immerse in spiritual practice and to move away from worldly passionate activities, such like gossiping, back-bitting, slandering, mocking, teasing, increase of greed, craving, clinging, worldly desires and attachments, and building castles in the air...

There are worldly minded beings (Kutsanga) that can pull us down, distract us and move us away from our yoga and meditation practice to evolve towards higher consciousness, especially if we are still being affected very much by the qualities of names and forms, and the energy fields of other people, and we have no strong self-control and non-attachment... These Kutsanga will distract and discourage us from immerse in spiritual practice, and will lead us and encourage us to get involve with more worldly passionate activities which cause great distraction and obstacles...

There is a teaching or advice from our ancient Gurus saying that – If there is no good or wise company (Satsanga), then it is better to be alone (Asanga) than to be with evil company or worldly minded company (Kutsanga).

In the beginning of the path of yoga and meditation, it is very important to choose what type of inputs that we bring into our mind, especially if we have no strong self-control and non-attachment, and are easily being affected and influenced by sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations and thoughts, and being affected and influenced by other people's energy fields...

Until one day, we have developed strong self-control and non-attachment, and are not being affected or influenced by all these elements and energy fields, then we can mix freely with anyone no matter they have bad influences or negative energy fields... When we are unaffected and uninfluenced by other people energy fields, we can be compassionate to help to uplift these people instead of being pull down by them...

When we still don't have strong self-control and non-attachment, it is not being selfish or arrogant at all to keep away from evil company or worldly minded company. This is indeed being humble, and being kind and compassionate towards ourselves... To admit that we are not that "strong" yet to be unaffected or influenced by other people's energy fields, and to allow ourselves to evolve spiritually to be free from ignorance and suffering.... Only when we ourselves are free from ignorance and suffering, we can be kind and compassionate towards other beings to help other beings to evolve and be free from ignorance and suffering... If we ourselves are ignorant and in suffering, how can we guide others to be free from ignorance and suffering?

So, do not feel bad when we have to say "no" and to keep away from certain worldly minded company for the sake of our own spiritual growth, if we are still easily being affected and influenced by other people's energy fields... It is a noble and compassionate action...

When we are completely unidentified with the body and the mind, when we are free from attachments, craving and aversion, then we can mix freely with anybody and not being affected and influenced by elements and energy fields of sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations and thoughts, of what we eat and drink, and who we are mixing with...

The wise foresee trouble, and do not intentionally invite troubles, and will naturally keep away from unnecessary troubles, and are able to concentrate its attention and energy onto spiritual practice and evolution...

The ignorant can't foresee trouble, and will invite troubles, and will drawn towards unnecessary troubles, being busy with troubles and worries, and have no interest and energy for spiritual practice...

Om shanti.

Knowing the truth of things as it is and be truly happy...

2012-02-10T15:02:00.021+08:00

By coming in contact with many things and knowing a lot of things through reading, seeing, hearing or experiencing cannot guarantee us liberation from restlessness and suffering, and to be in peace and happiness...

It is by knowing the truth of things as it is, that will free us from being conditioned by the qualities in names and forms, and free us from restlessness and unhappiness that derive from attachment towards the qualities in names and forms due to being ignorant about the truth of things as it is...

That's why it is not by studying and reading many books and philosophies, or by hearing many teachings, philosophies and stories from this person and that person, or by experiencing "good" and "bad" happenings in life, that will free us from restlessness and unhappiness...

We can be reading many books on philosophies and teachings coming from different enlightened beings or spiritual teachers, but we will still have doubts and ignorant about the truth of things because all those knowledge are not coming from our own realization...

We can be seeing and hearing about other people's experiences about this and that, but still we are not being liberated from fear and worry, pride and arrogance, anger and hatred, dissatisfaction and greed, craving and aversion, and etc...

We can be experiencing many "good" and "bad" things in our life and in our spiritual path in search for liberation, but still, we are not being free from the impurities and suffering that arise in the mind whenever the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses. We are identifying with the doer of the actions and inactions, identifying with the enjoyer of the fruit or the result of the actions and inactions, and identifying with the one who is experiencing all the "good" and "bad" experiences...

Even though Buddha had told us about the Four Noble Truth about suffering, and we may have heard about it many times from books or from people who talk about it, but we are still being conditioned by attachments towards the qualities in names and forms, being over-powered and determined by the perception of "good" and "bad", "happiness" and "suffering", "positive" and "negative", "auspiciousness" and "inauspiciousness", "respectfulness" and "disrespectfulness", "appropriateness" and "inappropriateness", "praise" and "insult" and etc, that derive from the function of our conditional thinking mind, the ego, the intellect, the body and the senses...

We still have craving towards the qualities of names and forms that are being categorized or recognized as "good", "happiness" and "positive" and etc, and have aversion towards the qualities of names and forms that are being categorized or recognized as "bad", "suffering" and "negative" and etc...

Many people had heard about the teaching about non-dualism, namelessness and formlessness, but, how many people are actually be free from being conditioned and determined by all these qualities in names and forms, and still attached strongly to all the perceptions about good and bad, happiness and suffering, positive and negative, auspiciousness and inauspiciousness, respectfulness and disrespectfulness, praise and insult,and etc...

Many people talk about it, preach about it, teach about it, but, how many people are still caught up in attachment towards the perception of names and forms (sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations and thoughts), the body, the mind, the ego and the intellect?

May we keep practice non-attachment... And if there is attachment, we practice letting go of attachment...

At the beginning, we might need to go through many unsuccessful attempts to not attach to names and forms, but there's no judgments, keep practice letting go, and non-attachment... Until one day, the practice will become effortless, when we start to develop insights about the truth of things as it is... Then there is no need any efforts at all to not attach to any names and forms and be free...

When we know the truth of things as it is, there is no anger, no frustration, no dissatisfaction, no disappointment and no unhappiness even though when we see, or hear, or experience something that is "bad" or "wrong", and when something that is "good" or "right" is not happening...

There is nothing wrong if we still be angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy when we see, or hear, or experience all these "bad" and "wrong" happenings, and when we don't experience any "good" and "right" happenings... The one who is being angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy is our selfish and arrogant ego that was being challenged, and it doesn't like or disagree with certain names and forms when the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses...

But, know that by being angry, frustrated, dissatisfied, disappointed and unhappy cannot help to improve anything or to make things become better... It is meaningless and wasting energy...

When we still being disturbed and affected by the "good" and "bad" qualities in names and forms, it indicates that we are still attached towards our mind, our ego and our intellect... No matter how many years of yoga and meditation practice that we have did in the past, it didn't free us from restlessness and suffering... Because we are never in peace constantly being disturbed and affected by all the names and forms due to not knowing the truth of things as it is and have attached onto these names and forms...

May all beings be happy. Be truly happy... Real happiness is not something to be experience or to be found later in the next moment, or next day, or next week, or next year, or next life, or next birth, or after death, or after we did a good action, or when we are being judged as "good" people or "good" beings... But it's right now, in this very present moment... By knowing the Truth of things as it is, and not attach to any names and forms, and not being disturbed, nor affected, nor determined, nor conditioned by the impermanent qualities in names and forms...

When we are free from attachments, we will be undisturbed, unaffected, undetermined and unconditioned by the qualities of names and forms, and thus being free from restlessness and unhappiness that derive from attachments... And then, we can help ourselves and other beings to evolve towards higher consciousness, out of compassion, without any intentions, judgments, comparisons, expectations or attachments towards the fruit or the result of the actions... Just like the universe, allowing and accepting everyone and everything to be exist in the universe... The universe has no intention to be "good" or "bad", or judging this is "good" or "bad", or expecting this will be "good" or "bad"...

Real "yogi" or "Buddhist" or "yoga teacher" does not need to name or label themselves as "yogi" or "Buddhist" or "yoga teacher", and are not determined by how much "yoga practices" or "Buddhism practices" or "yoga classes" that they have been performing, are performing and will be performing... But, they are free from restlessness and suffering by knowing the truth of things as it is, in this present moment now...

There is no doer of the actions... There is no action being performed... There is no enjoyer of the fruit or the result of the action...

There is no yogi, no yoga practice, no fruit of yoga practice...

There is no suffering, no cause of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path of transcending suffering...

There is no yoga teacher, no teaching yoga, no yoga students, no fruit of teaching yoga...

Om shanti.

Yoga practice exists to transcend ignorance and suffering...

2012-02-06T16:54:00.011+08:00

Yoga practice exists for beings who are in suffering and who wish to transcend suffering...

If somebody who is peaceful, who is free from suffering, then this being doesn't need to practice yoga... Because this being already knew the Truth about suffering, which is the end of yoga practice...

If our body is sick, then we need to consult a medical doctor and take some medicine to cure whatever sickness that we have and be free from sickness... If our body is not sick, we don't need to consult any doctor or take any medicine to cure anything...

We are not peaceful and not happy, that's why we are looking for peace and happiness... If we are already peaceful and happy, we don't need to look for peace and happiness...

Suffering derives from ignorance...

Ignorance is not knowing the Truth of things...

If we know the Truth of things, there is no ignorance, there is no suffering, there is no need of yoga practice...

If we are free from suffering and are in peace, we don't need to learn or practice yoga... We are already one with yoga, not separated from yoga...

If we are peaceful and happy, we don't need to do something or not doing something to have peace or to attain peace...

We will be peaceful and happy no matter what we do or don't do...

The looking, searching and craving for peace and happiness have come to an end...

Yoga practice is there to help us to remove ignorance, to transcend suffering... Without ignorance, there's no suffering... Without suffering, peace is there...

If we have been performing a lot of yoga and meditation practice, but as long as we are not completely be free from ignorance, we will still be conditioned by unhappiness and suffering because we have craving, clinging, aversion or attachment, that derive from not knowing the Truth of things - being ignorant of the Truth of things...

And the greatest ignorance is being ignorant of ignorance...

When the mind is full of impurities, and is agitated and not calm, then we need to practice yoga and meditation to help to purify the mind and to render it calm and still... If the mind is free from impurities and is calm and in peace, there is no need of any "actions" or "practice" to make the mind pure and calm... It is pure and calm...

When the body and the mind is full of tensions, we need to perform some "actions" or "practice" or "relaxation" to help to release tensions in the body and the mind... If there is no tensions in the body and the mind, there is no need of relaxation or practice or "actions" to release anything... We need relaxation because we are not relaxed... If we are relaxed, do we still need "relaxation" to be relaxed?

And beyond the impermanent forever changing states of the mind, beyond the conditional momentary peaceful calmness of the mind that derives from performing yoga practice, pranayama practice, concentration and meditation practice, is our true nature - unconditional and unlimited real peace that is always there, unchanging, untouched by all states of the mind... It is neither good nor bad, neither positive nor negative, neither happiness nor suffering...

The peaceful calmness feeling that comes from the mind after some yoga, pranayama, concentration and meditation practice is impermanent... It will be disturbed and will disappear...

If we are able to go beyond this peaceful state of mind and not attached or clinging onto it, just be aware of the mind being calm or not calm, we are free from being conditioned by any names and forms that the mind is experiencing from moment to moment through the body and the senses of what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think... We are always peaceful... That is our true nature, unconditional peace... This peace doesn't exist nor stop existing... It is not a quality that arise, change and pass away... It is beyond birth and death, beyond existence and non-existence...

There is no craving for peacefulness or happiness... There is no aversion towards unpeacefulness or unhappiness... It is full, content and whole...

Om shanti...

Craving and aversion - The source of restlessness, unhappiness and suffering...

2012-01-26T21:43:00.023+08:00

Suffering, unhappiness, anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, pride, arrogance, fear and worry are all derived from craving and aversion.

Without craving and aversion, there is no unhappiness and suffering.

When we are identified with the mind, and the mind is being over-powered by craving and aversion, we'll crave for the things that we agree with, and what we like and want, and we'll reject the things that we don't agree with, and what we don't like and don't want.

When we haven't come in contact with anything that we don't like and don't want, but we are already full of aversion, tensions, negativities, fear and worries that we might come in contact with the things that we don't like and don't want... So restless and have no peace...

When we come in contact with the things that we don't agree with, and what we don't like and don't want, we'll get so irritated, unhappy, frustrated, angry, dissatisfied, fear and worry... Even after we get rid of the things that we don't like and don't want, we are still not peaceful, because we attach to the past unhappy and unpleasant experience that generates a strong aversion that we don't want to come in contact with the same things or objects again... Full of tensions of fear and worry that come from strong aversion...

Before we get the things that we like and want, we are restless and have no peace. We are full of dissatisfaction, greed and craving for the things that we don't have which we like and want to have...

When we don't get the things that we like and want, we'll get so unhappy, frustrated, angry, dissatisfied, disappointed, and jealous of others who have the things that we like and want...

When we finally get the things that we like and want, we'll attach to these impermanent objects of names and forms, generate craving and clinging onto them. We have no peace even though we get the things that we like and want, because we'll be over-powered by pride and arrogance that derived from the achievement of the things that we like and want, but at the same time, we also have fear and worry that these things that we like and want will change and disappear, and this will cause us losing the fantastic sensation of being proud and arrogant that derived from having the things that we like and want... We have strong rejection or aversion that we don't want these things to change and disappear... We don't allow them to change and refuse to let them go when impermanence strikes... This is impossible under the law of nature - the Truth of things - Impermanence... We'll be so disappointed and dissatisfied when the pleasant sensations disappear due to impermanence...

And so, no matter we get the things that we like and want or not, and whether we don't get the things that we don't like and don't want, we are always dissatisfied, not peaceful, restless, anxious, and being in fear and worry...

If we can let go of craving and aversion, we can fully enjoy what we have in the present moment now, without fear of losing it or worry about it will change... We can appreciate and enjoy everything as it is, not necessary the way that we want it to be, but we are able to accept everything to be the way as it is, from moment to moment... Without craving for the things that we don't have in the present moment now, and without clinging onto the things that we have in the present moment now... We also won't have rejection or aversion towards the things that we don't like and don't want. We allow everything to be here being in this same space of the universe of where we are, whether it is something that we like or don't like, want or don't want, agree or disagree with... We allow impermanence to happen from moment to moment... We accept the changes of the conditions and qualities of names and forms of everything as it is, from moment to moment...

This is true freedom. Real liberation. Being free from anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, disappointment, frustration, anxiety, pride, arrogance, fear and worry...

We can have like and dislike, agreement and disagreement... We don't have to like the things that we don't like, and we don't have to agree with the things that we don't agree with... But, without the attachment towards the things that we like and don't like, agree and disagree with... Without craving and aversion towards all the names and forms that we like and don't like, agree and disagree with... And thus, we will be free from all the impurities that come along with the existence of craving and aversion...

When we don't have the things that we like and want, we don't have greed, disappointment, dissatisfaction and craving for these things that we like and want... We are fine, and still peaceful and happy...

When we haven't come in contact with the things that we don't like and don't want, we don't have fear and worry whether we will come in contact with these things that we don't like and don't want... We are fine, and still peaceful and happy...

When we come in contact with the things that we don't like and don't agree with, we don't have disappointment, anger and hatred towards these things that we don't like and don't want... We are fine, and still peaceful and happy...

When we get the things that we like and want, we don't have fear and worry that these things will change and disappear... We will appreciate and enjoy all these things that we like and want while it is here, but allow impermanence to happen and able to let them go in peace when they change and disappear...

When we know the Truth of things as it is, that everything is emptiness and impermanent, we won't have strong attachment towards all these names and forms... We won't have fear and worry, craving and aversion towards all the objects of the senses and the qualities of things... When we know what is non-duality, namelessness, formlessness and attributeless, there is no attachment towards all the qualities of names and forms... When there is no attachment, there is no need of "letting go"... There is no craving for something "good" and there is no aversion towards something "bad"... There is no "good" or "bad"...

Changes, impermanence, being with the things that we don't like, separation from the things that we like and love, old age, sickness, discomfort, pain, injuries, weakness, decay, death or decomposition of this physical body are not something "bad" or "horrible"... When we stopped judging or labelling all these things as something "bad" and "horrible", we will have no craving for something "good", and have no aversion towards something "bad" and "horrible"... And thus there is no fear, no worry... There's no anxiety or restlessness that comes from craving for the things that are being labelled as "good" and aversion towards the things that are being labelled as "not good"...

Without craving and aversion, there's no fear and worry... Absence of fear and worry is peace...

We accept ourselves and other beings in this present moment now as we are, as they are... We are contented and peaceful... At the same time, we perform actions for the well-beings of ourselves and other beings out of selflessness and compassion, and allow the results of our actions to come naturally and allow improvement to happen... Without attachment towards our actions and the result of the actions... Without selfish desires or intentions, judgment, comparison and expectation... Without the influence of likes and dislikes, agreements and disagreements that come from our impure mind...

We don't need to depend or rely on doing something "good" or not doing something "not good", to have peace... We don't need to be in specific "good" place or "nice" environment, to have peace... Peace is there, when there's no craving and aversion, fear and worry... Wherever we are, whatever we do and don't do, peace is already there in us...

When we realize the real peace in our true nature, we don't need to do something or go somewhere to be in peace... We don't need to depend on doing the things that we like to do to have peace or to enjoy some momentary good or happy feelings... Whatever we do or don't do, wherever we go or don't go, we are always peaceful...

This real peace never increase nor decrease, never change nor disappear... This real peace is unconditional and unlimited by the condition and ability of this physical body, the state of the mind, the energy and elements, the actions and inactions of this body and mind... Neither does it conditioned or limited by the qualities of names and forms that we come in contact with, nor by the condition of the environment that we are being at... It is beyond all the perception of names and forms and the qualities of good and bad, positive and negative...

Nothing can make us happy... Nothing can make us suffer... Nothing can give us peace... Nothing can take away the peace in us...

Letting go of attachments, craving and aversion in our everyday life whenever the mind comes in contact with the objects of the senses, is our yoga and meditation practice to realize eternal unconditional peace... This is nothing to do with whether our body is strong and flexible or not, or in good health or not, or whether we can perform the yoga asana poses perfectly or not, or we can chant the Sanskrit prayers in perfect pronunciation or not, or we know all the asana poses and their names or not, or know about all the bones and muscle tissues in the physical body or not, or whether we can speak, read and write perfectly or not, or whether there are many people like us and agree with us or not, or whether we have went through many courses, retreats and workshops or not, or whether we have an "international affiliation" recognized certification or not...

There is no need a piece of paper to qualified and certified us to realize the peace in us and to share this peace and the wisdom with all other beings... There is no need a piece of paper or many pieces of papers to show anyone that we are peaceful and we want to show loving kindness to other beings, if we know selflessness and compassion...

There are people who have never come in contact with yoga asana practice or meditation practice or yoga philosophy, but it doesn't stop them from realizing the peace in them and be selfless and compassionate, if they know what is non-attachment, and letting go of the ego, craving and aversion... Peace, love and compassion doesn't belong to certain religion or practice or believe... Spirituality, peace, compassion and wisdom is in everyone, disregards what are the differences of conditions, qualities, names and forms... A very weak and sick, or paralyzed person can also have peace and be free from "suffering"...

Even if we practice yoga asana and meditation everyday, and name ourselves "yogis", are not necessarily we will be peaceful and be free from anger and hatred, if we do not know what is non-attachment and letting go of the ego, craving and aversion...

Realize this real peace and be free... Be truly content and happy...

The practice of unconditional forgiveness and letting go - The essential practice to attain peace...

2012-01-22T21:59:00.004+08:00

Real forgiveness is unconditional. When something happened and we felt hurt, angry and unhappy, but we don’t want to be unhappy, and want to be free from anger and being hurt, we need to be able to forgive and let go… In unconditional forgiveness, we do not expect other people to be sincere to ask for forgiveness from us, or be regretful for what they had did, but, we forgive everyone including ourselves for being imperfect, and let go of any anger and hatred that arised and accumulated due to we cannot forgive and let go of what had happened…

Practicing unconditional forgiveness or to forgive and let go unconditionally, is initially about being kind to ourselves, and then it's about being compassionate towards other beings who had intentionally or unintentionally inflicted the anger, pain or unhappiness in us.

Usually when someone intentionally inflicts unhappiness or generates tensions onto somebody else, it is because he or she is very unhappy and is suffering from anger, hatred and dissatisfaction. We should be compassionate towards them, show them peace and loving kindness, share love and happiness with them, and not being angry with them.

If somebody unintentionally inflicts unhappiness or generates tensions onto somebody else, then why do we still want to be angry and unhappy about it, since it is just an intention-less act comes from beings without the awareness that their action might cause somebody else discomforts… We should be compassionate towards them and show them peace and loving kindness, share love and happiness with them, and not being angry with them as well.

And so, whether anybody had intentionally or unintentionally inflicted any unhappiness or tensions onto somebody else, we should be compassionate towards them, and show them peace and loving kindness to ease their painful suffering that had caused them doing such ignorant action, and not being angry and hating towards anybody at all…

If we are being angry and unhappy about somebody or some undesirable happenings, we are the first one who is getting hurt and will bring harmful effects into our body and the mind. And if we extend this anger or unhappiness onto some other people, we will be hurting other people too. If we don’t know how to forgive and let go, we are actually hurting our own self, and bringing painful suffering to ourselves and others as well.

If we can forgive other people’s imperfections and wrong doings, we actually prevent ourselves and other people from getting further harms into the body and the mind. But first of all, we need to be able to forgive ourselves for our own imperfections and mistakes, then only we can forgive other people’s imperfections and mistakes.

In order to be able to forgive ourselves for being imperfect and accept ourselves as we are, we need to know how to accept ourselves as we are for what we can do and cannot do; for what we had did and haven’t done yet; be able to let go of the past instantly without any judgments, comparisons, criticisms and expectations. We also need to know how to not attach to all the names and forms, and know what is renounce from the fruit of our actions; not identify with the thoughts, feelings and sensations; know how to observe all the thoughts, feelings and sensations without associate with them or react to them, and let them go. We need to be able to accept ourselves as we are, without judgment and expectation, then only we can accept other people as they are, without judgment and expectation… Not expecting other people will be the way that we want them to be.

In order to be able to accept ourselves as we are and accept other people as they are, we need to know how to accept everything in the world as it is; not trying to interfere with the law of nature; not trying to control anything to be the way that we want them to be. At the same time, we also need to allow both “good” and “not good” things to be exist in this same space of the universe. We don’t possess the universe. Everyone and everything has the rights to be exist in this space of the universe just like ourselves being here.

And to start with, we practice observing the natural breath. Just be aware of the natural breath. Be aware of the air coming in and going out from the nostrils during the inhalation and exhalation. Accept the breath as it is. Not trying to interfere, or to control, or to change the pattern or the rhythm of the breath. Let go of any judgments, comparisons and expectations towards the breath and the result of observing the breath.

After inhalation, we have to exhale. After exhalation, we need to inhale. If we try to just inhale and not exhale, we will be in suffering. If we try to just exhale and not inhale, we will be in suffering too. If we try to not inhale nor exhale, we will be in great suffering. What we can do is, allow the breath to be what it is, allowing the inhalation to happen and allowing the exhalation to happen naturally. This is the law of impermanence. Having birth, we need to allow growth, old age, decaying, illness and death to happen, and accept all the different changes in our body and in the mind as it is, from moment to moment. Sometimes we feel good, sometimes we feel bad. Sometimes we have negative thoughts, sometimes we have positive thoughts. Sometimes we experience comfortable sensations, sometimes we experience uncomfortable sensations. Sometimes we act and speak selfishly, but sometimes we act and speak unselfishly. Sometimes we are wise and clear minded, but sometimes we are ignorant and confused in the mind.

Know that we are not the body, we are not the mind. We do not identify with them, and not generate reaction towards what the mind and body is experiencing from moment to moment, nor associate with them. We stand as a witness towards all the changes that is happening in our body and in the mind. We let all these phenomena manifest themselves; stay for a while; they will change and disappear – unceasingly arising and passing away. And then we extend this practice of being an observer, observing all the happenings out there in the world. Everything happens for a reason. If there is no such cause, there will be no such effect. If there is such effect, it is because there is such cause. We all are responsible for all the happenings in our lives and in the world.

Once we understand this, and are able to accept everything as it is, then we can accept ourselves as we are and accept other people as they are without any strong attachment towards all the conflicts and unhappiness that is happening among us and other people, or in any relationships. We are able to forgive and let go. The past is already gone, we can’t go back to the past to change or undo what had happened. Let them be and let them go. The future has not arrived yet, it doesn’t exist in the reality of this present moment. The present moment now is constantly changing from moment to moment.

If earlier I felt very bad, it doesn’t mean that I will continue to feel bad forever. If I was very angry earlier, it doesn’t mean that I will be angry forever. Either I will become more angry or less angry, and sooner or later this feeling of anger will disappear. Especially if we divert our attention onto something else. We can try and experience the truth of impermanence. Try to stay sad and angry for a long time. It will be so tiring and the intensity will becoming less and less. It doesn’t stay constantly the same unchanged. It’s the same for any happy feelings and excitement. They all don’t last long, and will change and disappear. Even the state of calmness is impermanent. If we know how to transcend these three states of the mind (agitation, depression and calmness), we will be free and be at peace all the time.

If we know the truth of impermanence, and able to accept the law of impermanence as it is, we will not have any attachment towards any names and forms, including both happy and unhappy events. We also won’t have any judgments, comparisons, criticisms and expectations towards ourselves and other people.

Once we let go of judgments and expectations towards ourselves and other people, we will be free from anger, irritation, frustration, dissatisfaction and disappointment. And thus we don’t even need to forgive anybody for any unhappy events, or against-our-wish happenings. If we know how to accept the reality of everything as it is, we don’t need to forgive anyone or anything. Because there is nothing there that we need to forgive or need to be letting go. It is only when we cannot accept the truth of thing as it is, because it is not the way that we want it to be, we will be angry, upset, dissatisfied and unhappy.

But if we still be disturbed, affected and determined by all the qualities of names and forms, and still have anger, unhappiness, disappointment and getting upset about someone or something, then we need to cultivate forgiveness to heal ourselves, to be kind to ourselves, and be compassionate towards all beings including those who had inflicted pain and suffering onto us, intentionally or unintentionally…

What is the meaning of being so upset or unhappy about some other people doing something wrong and bad, and make ourselves be in misery due to other people’s ignorance? We don’t have to. Let other people’s wrong doings and ignorance be with their respective owner, and not carry other people’s unhappiness and ignorance into our hearts. Be happy and let go. Life is too precious to waste our time and energy in conflicts, unhappiness, anger and hatred.

Whether other people sincerely ask for our forgiveness or not, we should forgive all and everything that had hurt us intentionally or unintentionally. This is actually being kind and compassionate towards ourselves and other beings. Wish all beings (including ourselves) be free from anger, hatred and guilt, and be at peace…

If we cannot forgive and cannot let go, we will never be in peace… Why do we want to hurt ourselves by being unforgiving and refuse to let go? Free ourselves from anger and hatred is true liberation… Whether other people want to forgive us for our imperfections, and free themselves from anger and hatred or not, even after we asked for forgiveness from them sincerely, that is their own freedom and choices, if they want to continue to be angry and unhappy, and don’t want to forgive and let go… We should respect their freedom to be angry and unhappy, and allow them to be angry and unhappy. We don’t have to feel unhappy and guilty if other people cannot forgive us and cannot let go of their anger and hatred towards us… Let them be what they want to be… When we ourselves are free from anger and hatred, then only we can share love and peace with other people…

If we ourselves cannot forgive and let go, how can we expect other people to forgive and let go? And if we can forgive and let go, then we won’t be bother about what other people did and didn’t do, and whether other people can forgive and let go or not. We can’t be angry with other people who are angry with us for what we have done and cannot forgive us… They have the rights to be angry and unforgiving, and be unhappy and not peaceful… It is their own responsibility to cultivate compassion and be compassionate towards themselves, and practice compassion towards other people, and to forgive and let go, and be in peace…

It is our own responsibility to be compassionate towards ourselves and other beings, to forgive and let go, and be in peace…

Be happy.

Self-realization is knowing our true nature as it is, without being contaminated nor conditioned by all the qualities of names and forms...

2012-01-22T14:53:00.015+08:00

There are contradictions or confusions about whether there is "something" to be realized or there is nothing to be "realized" in the spiritual path towards self-realization...

There is, and there's not...

When "we" are deluded by ignorance in our mind and are identifying with the impermanent qualities of names and forms of this body and this mind, then "we" need to "realize" who "we" really are...

When the mind is free from ignorance, and "we" are not being determined by all the qualities of names and forms of this body and this mind, then there is nothing to be "realized"... We are what we are... We are not something else that we are not... We are not becoming, or turning, or changing into something else that we are not...

The space is always the same space, colourless... Whether there are some colourful substances spread into the space and make the space appears to be colourful, or when all the colourful substances are abstracted and what left is just the colourless space... But it is still the same space... Never increase nor decrease... Never became colourful nor colourless... It never changed, even though from the appearance it changes colour depending on what type of colours fills up the space at that moment...

The space is always the same space, odourless... Whether there are different fragrances or smells exist in the space, and through the sense of smell we smell different types of fragrances or smells in the space, but the space itself has no fragrances or smells, it does not smell of any fragrances or smells... It will not be contaminated, nor conditioned, nor changed into something else by whatever types of odour that passing by...

The only "hindrance" that "hinders" us from knowing our true nature is ignorance...

When ignorance presents in the mind, "we" think "we" are the mind, "we" think "we" are the body... "We" think "we" are the one who is doing the thinking, feeling, sensing, recognizing, analyzing, asserting, choosing, deciding, like and dislike, want and don't want, believing and disbelieving, agreeing and disagreeing, happy and suffering... "We" think "we" are the one who is the doer of the actions and inactions that comes from the body and the mind... "We" think "we" are the one who is enjoying the fruit of all the actions and inactions... We are ignorant of our true nature which is not contaminated nor determined by all the actions and inactions of this body and this mind...

When the mind is absent of ignorance, all the qualities of names and forms including the impermanent conditions of this body and this mind, they are just being what they are... They are not something "good". They are not something "bad"... They are not something "positive". They are not something "negative"... They are not something "happy". They are not something "suffering"...

And thus, if "someone" who is still being conditioned and affected by all the qualities of names and forms that are being perceived in the mind through the body and the function of the senses, and is identifying with the actions and inactions of the body and the mind, and is associating with all the reactions of the body and mind towards what they perceive or come in contact with, and is experiencing happiness and unhappiness in all these experiences that arising and passing away from moment to moment, then this being needs to "realize" his or her true nature, of who he or she really is... And be free. Free from restlessness that derives from being ignorant of not knowing who we really are... That's all.

Om shanti.

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Conquest of Mind (1)

2012-01-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

What is "perfection"? Peace and perfection is synonymous terms. There's no peace to the imperfect. Perfection doesn't consist in the physical strength or beauty, nor does it consist in studying a car-load of books. Perfection is not physical, mental or intellectual, but it is a spiritual knowledge of one's Atomic nature, born not through mere study of books, but through purification of one's heart: hearing, reflection, deep meditation and actual experience of one's essential Nature alone can make one perfect...

Swami Sivananda - Conquest of Mind

Teaching yoga asana class - Put ourselves into the student's physical condition and abilities...

2012-01-13T17:30:00.030+08:00

There are different people with different physical fitness levels and physical limitations that come to a yoga asana class. Some of them might be very flexible and some of them are not so flexible. Some of them might be very physically fit and have no physical limitation, and some of them are not so physically fit and have some physical limitations. It doesn't matter what are their fitness level, strength, flexibility, stamina, ability, and physical limitation, everyone has to perform the asana exercises according to their own physical conditions and abilities...

Even though everyone is doing the same exercises but, not necessary that everyone will be looking the same in the exercises. Some might need to adjust a little with the feet slightly point out or the hands slightly turn out. Some might need to keep their legs slightly apart, while some might need to keep their legs together. Some might not be able to keep their body and head at the exact "angle" like what the teacher demonstrates. Some might not be able to extend their leg completely straight. Some might not be able to sit up right, maintaining the spine as straight as what the teacher usually ask them to be... And it's okay.

Yoga, or in another terms - peace, is nothing to do with whether our body can perform the yoga exercises "perfectly" or not. So called "perfect" asana poses cannot determine or guarantee a person will be enlightened or not, or will be peaceful or not. If a person can be enlightened and attain self-realization by being very strong and flexible, and is able to put the body in many different types of complicated positions, then there are many world class athletes, gymnasts and contortionists are already enlightened and is peaceful, and be free from ignorance, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, pride, arrogance, fear, worry, and suffering... Maybe some of them are peaceful, but it should not be coming from their physical conditions and abilities. Because if the peacefulness is coming from the conditions and abilities of their physical body, then this peacefulness will change according to the impermanent changes of the condition and ability of the physical body. It is not the real peace that is unchangeable...

We don't have to be very physically "perfect", or healthy, or fit, or strong, or flexible, to have peace... Peace can be realized by anyone in any conditions as long as they know what is non-attachment, selflessness and compassion, when they know how to go beyond their own body and mind, not identify with the body and the mind, and be free from craving and aversion, and be free from all sorts of impurities and ignorance... Be free from anger and hatred, greed and dissatisfaction, envy and jealousy, pride and arrogance, fear and worry...

Whether we can stand on our head or not, we all can have peace...

Whether we can touch our toes with our hands or not, we all can have peace...

Whether we can put our heels down on the floor completely or not when we perform the downward dog, we all can have peace...

Whether we can bend our body forward with our body and face completely resting on the legs or not, we all can have peace...

Whether we speak the same language or not, have the same cultural and religious background or not, we all can have peace...

Whether we live a simple lifestyle or a luxurious lifestyle, we all can have peace...

As long as we know what is non-attachment...

Whether we are thin or fat, looking good or not looking good, smart or not smart, fit or unfit, flexible or not flexible, strong or not strong, healthy or not healthy, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, so called successful or not successful, young or old, men or women, single or not single, being with ourselves alone or with many people around us, have an easy life or a not so easy life, being here or there, doing something or not doing anything, being able to see, or hear, or smell, or taste, or touch, or think, or read, or write, or walk, or sing, or dance or not, and so on, we all can have peace... Because real peace is nothing to do with all these names and forms... It is already within everyone, unconditioned and unlimited by all the qualities of names and forms... We just need to remove all sorts of impurities in the mind, and go beyond the ego and the intellectual thinking mind, and be free and be at peace, resting in our selfless, nameless and formless true nature...

A person who cannot sit up right due to certain physical limitations, or a person who cannot move the body or the limbs to perform any so called "yoga asana practice", also can have peace, if they want to, and know how to... And if a person can sit up right but doesn't know anything about non-attachment, he or she cannot "find" peace even though he or she is "looking" for peace...

In my own experience in teaching yoga asana classes, very naturally I will put myself into the student's physical conditions and limitations... It means, naturally my body will "coordinate" with the condition of the students physical body and their physical limitations... Such like if some of them have back problems, or knee problems, or muscular tendon injuries, or flu, or nose blocked, or headache, or any physical discomforts and limitations, or just simply being unfit, lack of stamina, strength or flexibility, or have fear, I will guide them to perform different ways or variations of the same exercises in the same class having different people with different types of physical conditions and limitations.

If there are people who are very flexible as well as people who are very inflexible in the same class, I will show them the different positions that they are individually capable and comfortable enough to perform the exercises or the asana poses in that present moment... And explain to them that even this condition in this present moment now is impermanent, it will change from moment to moment... Sometimes the body is more energetic, more strong and flexible, and sometimes the body is less energetic, less strong and flexible... We need to perform the exercises according to the condition of the body at that present moment and according to the needs of the body and the mind in the present moment...

Maybe the body needs to do more forward bending to calm down the energy... Maybe the body needs to do more backward bending to stimulate and energize the energy level... Maybe the body is recovering from certain injuries, and we need to modify some of the asana exercises... Maybe some of the exercises that we were able to perform easily in the past, but now, our body cannot do it... Maybe some exercises that we didn't feel comfortable doing them in the past, but now our body can do it easily and comfortably... And we will let go of all the pre-judgments about what our body can do and cannot do, and be very open-minded on what the body can do and cannot do...

I will show those physically strong and flexible students to perform the asana poses according to their own physical abilities, and I will show those who are not physically strong and flexible students to perform the same asana poses but in accordance to their own physical abilities...

We can't be teaching the same variations of yoga asana exercises to all the students and ask them and expecting them to be able to perform all the same asana exercises according to the "standard" of what is called "perfect asana poses"... There is no "perfect asana poses". Everyone is "perfect" in their own way of doing it and is "perfect" being able to accept themselves as they are, and respect their body as it is, and be comfortable and relaxed in all the asana exercises, and be in the present moment, be free from the past and the future, and be at peace...

Performing all the asana exercises or poses without judgments, comparisons and expectations, no matter what types of conditions of the physical body is, in the present moment... And from moment to moment, the conditions of the physical body is constantly changing, impermanent... We are able to observe and be aware of the present condition of the body, and are able to accept the condition of the body as it is, that in this present moment now, this is what the body can do and cannot do... Not comparing ourselves with anybody, not even to our own self in the past experiences...

Everyone performs the exercises or the yoga asana practice according to our present condition of the physical body, out of selflessness and compassion, without any intentions or expectations to gain any benefits from doing the practice, but allow the benefits to come naturally by itself, not because "we" want to gain some sorts of benefits, or want to become more healthy, or more strong, or more flexible, or more peaceful, or more happy... Not even think about wanting to be more wise and compassionate... Because wisdom and compassion is not "something" that we can gain or learn from the outside, but it's through realization from within our true nature, when all the impurities and the ego is annihilated... Merely by performing the asana poses "perfectly", or "precisely", or in "perfect alignments", cannot guarantee nor determine that we will be free from impurities or the ego, and be free from suffering...

Sometimes, when all the students have the similar type of physical limitations or have limited flexibility in the same class, I won't be demonstrating the asana poses as what I usually do in some other classes. I will put myself into their position. I will "make" my body become similar conditions as the students, demonstrate and perform the exercises according to what their body are capable to do and be comfortable at, allowing them to be able to relaxed into all the exercises without trying to compete or compare with the teacher who are more strong and flexible than them physically... And allow them to gradually develop courage, faith, physical stamina, strength and flexibility as they practice from time to time... By showing them that even if I "cannot" extend my legs completely straight or even if I "cannot" reach forward "properly" in a forward bend, it is still okay, and it doesn't mean that we are not good at yoga practice, or we are not suitable to practice yoga exercises... We still can be at peace even though we cannot perform the yoga asana exercises or poses "nicely" or "perfectly"...

And then when they are able to accept their body as it is, and be comfortable with themselves in doing the yoga asana exercises without judging themselves or comparing with anybody, and they are able to relaxed into the asana poses without forcing or struggling to go beyond their physical limitations, I will then show them that as they practice, the physical strength and flexibility will be improving, and they will be able to stretch their body and limbs further, and slowly they will be able to come into the asana poses which need certain degree of strength, flexibility, stamina, faith and courage...

As yoga teachers, we are there to guide the students for what their body can do from moment to moment, and it's not about showing them what we (our body) can do...

We cannot set a goal for the students, telling them that they have to be able to do this and that after a specific time... Everyone takes their own time to develop the fitness level of the physical body and skills to perform the exercises... Everyone takes their own time to let go of fear and worry... Yoga asana practice is not some fitness training that everyone sets a goal for themselves, that they want to be able to achieve "such and such" in a certain period of time... Realization won't "happen" even though if we set ourselves 3 months, or 3 years, or 30 years time to attain realization, if we didn't practice in accordance to the methods and without right attitude... If we perform the practice with the right attitude, realization will happen at anytime naturally even though we didn't have the intention or expectation to attain self-realization...

Just like when we do the yoga exercises, even though if we don't know anything about the benefits of the exercises, the benefits will still be there... The benefits won't change, or become more when we have expectation for the benefits... The benefits won't disappear or become less, even if we don't know what are the benefits of doing the exercises and without any expectation for the benefits... It will still be there...

And I'll explain in the class to the students before they start trying to do the yoga exercise, about the exercise itself, it is not something "easy" or "difficult". It is subject to our own each individual physical ability. When our body can do it and feel comfortable, our mind will judge "this is easy". And when our body cannot do it and feel uncomfortable, our mind will judge "this is difficult"... But, the same exercise everyone is doing, some will say it's "easy" and some will say it's "difficult"... But, the exercise itself, it has no intentions or qualities to be easy or to be difficult... It is all coming from the judgment in our own mind... And by understanding this, we learn to let go of any judgments about everyone and everything in the world... That they are not something "bad", and they are not something "good"... Everyone and everything is just being what it is...

And after the class finished, there is no "good class" or "bad class", as all our experiences in the class is vary in each individual... Some might say its a "good class", but, some might say its a "bad class"... Again that is nothing to do with the class itself... It is coming from each individual state of mind... Positive mind projects everything positively... Negative mind projects everything negatively... Those who know how to go beyond positive and negative, they project everything neither positively nor negatively...

Whether it is a "good class" or a "bad class", it is not coming from the teacher or the class... Even if the teacher taught a really "awful" class...

There are many conditions that will "influence" each individual whether they will think or "judge" it is a "good class" or not... For example, maybe some people still don't know how to let go of the ego yet, having judgment, comparison and expectation while doing the exercises, and forcing themselves to go beyond their physical limitations, and struggling in performing the exercises without respecting the conditions of their own body... And they get discomfort, pain and soreness, and building up more tensions during the practice, instead of letting go of tensions and be relaxed and peaceful after the practice... And some people might have some purification process going on, "physically" or "mentally", and they experience so much discomforts or resistance during the practice, instead of "enjoying" the practice...

If we experienced a "good class" and "gain" some mental peace or physical relaxation from the practice in the class, we appreciate that present moment of how the body and mind feels, but without attachment, without craving or clinging... Know that even that peaceful moment and good feeling is momentary, it's impermanent... It will change, be disturbed and disappear...

If we experienced a "bad class" and not "gaining" any mental peace or physical relaxation from the practice in the class, we don't have to force ourselves to appreciate that unpleasant experience, but, just be aware of it without attachment, without generate aversion towards that "bad" experience, and let it go... Know that no matter how unpleasant it is, all are impermanent... It will change and disappear...

And that will lead us to be undisturbed, or unaffected, or uninfluenced, or undetermined by what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think... Because all these names and forms, they are not something "good" or something "bad"... "Good" and "bad" is coming from our own mind, not coming from the objects...

And that will lead us to true happiness and real peace that is unconditioned and unlimited by any qualities of names and forms or impermanence...

With this unmovable peaceful state of consciousness or awareness, we are able to perform lots of selfless compassionate actions in the world to help ourselves and the world to evolve, but, without being disturbed, or affected, or influenced, or determined by the world and the law of impermanence, and all the conditional qualities of names and forms...

Out of compassion, we perform selfless actions, and let go... Without attaching to our actions and the fruit of the actions... Without judgment, comparison or expectation... And be free...

Om shanti.

Neither "vegetarian" nor "non-vegetarian"...

2012-01-04T02:19:00.013+08:00

I came across many times hearing some “yoga practitioners” who have became vegetarian after taking up yoga practice, criticizing other people who are not vegetarian. They think that they are better human beings and they are good yogi after they have changed from meat eating “non-vegetarians” to become “vegetarians”, and boast about being "vegetarian"…

In yoga practice, the observation of not eating any meat or fish and eat fresh fruit and vegetables is to help us to calm down the mind and to practice love, peace and compassion…

The point is, if we are still being affected very much by what we eat and drink, we need to choose what we want to eat and drink to feed this body and mind. For example, if eating meat and fish and drinking coffee will increase the impurities in our mind, and we don't have self-control over our own thoughts, actions and speech, and are identified with the impurities in our mind, then by not eating meat and fish and not drinking coffee will help us in the path of yoga and meditation for self-inquiry and attaining real peace... But, it loses its meaning for not eating meat when we are being "vegetarian" but we are still being over-powered by lots of impurities in the mind, which do not just derive from meat eating but also derive from some other elements. There's no meanings when we are over-powered by anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, pride, arrogance, dissatisfaction, fear, worry, craving and aversion, even though we don't eat meat products at all... (Such like wanting everything to be the way that we want it to be, and having fear of losing the "good" thing, getting the "bad" thing, old age, sickness, injury, pain, discomfort, and death...)

There are some “vegetarian yogis” are getting frustrated by what they want to eat, and being disturbed by what other people eat and don’t eat, and getting so frustrated when they couldn’t get the so called “healthy”, “loving”, “pure”, “environmental friendly”, “organic” types of vegetarian food to feed their body…

I didn’t eat meat products for quite a few years before, during my first few years of yoga practice to help me in my practice, but I never called myself a “vegetarian”, and I never criticized other people who eat meat products. Merely being a "vegetarian" doesn't make me a better person than those who are not "vegetarian". And now, I don’t just eat fruit and vegetables, I also eat some meat and fish. I don’t mind eating meat and fish as I never categorize “meat and fish products” as “bad” and "disgusting" food, nor do I judge anyone by “eating meat” will make someone a “bad” person.

I do not complain when “meat and fish” are not available or when “vegetarian food” are not available. I don’t complain if fresh fruit and vegetables are not available when I want to eat some fresh fruit and meat-less meal. I don’t complain if only meat are available for maintaining this body. I appreciate and be grateful for everything that I eat even though some of the food that I eat might be categorized as “unhealthy” and “inappropriate” by many “health conscious people", “yoga practitioners”, “rich people who can afford imported organic food” or “environmental friendly people".

Merely by eating vegetarian doesn’t give me liberation nor true happiness. Some people might be naming themselves as “vegetarian” and being “vegetarian” for many years, but it is not necessarily that they are peaceful and happy, and be free from ignorance, greed, anger and hatred. It is by controlling my own mind and eliminate the anger, hatred, jealousy, pride, lustful desire, fear, worry, craving and aversion that gave me the true freedom for being who I am, and be truly content, peaceful and happy… It is the practice of non-attachment that free myself from unhappiness and “suffering”.

Slandering, vandalism, gossiping, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, lustful desire, attachments, pride, arrogance, craving and aversion are worst than meat eating.

It is not only non-meat eaters are good and kind human beings, nor do people who are not vegetarian are bad people. There are many good and kind people who eat meat and non-meat products, who don't call themselves “vegetarian” for certain days when they don't eat meat, nor call themselves "non-vegetarian" for certain days when they do eat meat.

It is not that only vegetarian will be peaceful, being loving and compassionate, and it's not necessary that there is no loving kindness and compassion in those people who are not vegetarian. It is not by eating fruit and vegetables without meat products that will guarantee us enlightenment and be free from suffering. It is not by eating vegetarian food, we’ll become happy and peaceful...

It’s because there are people who named themselves as “vegetarians” are being so angry, unhappy and frustrated by other people who eat meat products… I don’t see any calmness, peace and happiness in these people who don’t eat meat and only like to eat fruit and vegetables, and being so “proud” of what they eat and don’t eat.

Do the people who are “vegetarian” do not kill any insects, like mosquitoes, cockroaches, spiders, ants, worms, bugs and etc? Aren’t all these little lives also living beings who need to breathe and eat, just like us?

Some people even said that "Cows are so cute, I don't eat them..." But, they love to eat fish... (Well, maybe fish is not as cute as cow to them...)

Do all the vegetarians are completely be free from greed, anger, hatred, jealousy, fear and worry, craving and aversion? Not necessarily as what we can see around us...

I know some people who don’t like to eat meat or fish, and love to eat fruit and vegetables only, but they will be so angry and frustrated when somebody in the kitchen accidentally put some meat or fish products into their food. Where is peace, calmness, tolerance, patience, forgiveness and compassion in these people who are “vegetarian” shouting at the waiter, “I’m a vegetarian! I want my vegetarian meal to be served without fish or meat! You are stupid idiot!”

Some “vegetarians” are full of hatred towards meat products and towards people who eat meat… “Vegetarians” are “supposed” to be very calm, peaceful and cheerful according to the yoga practice. Even Buddha never told people that to practice Buddhism, we have to be “vegetarian” and to hate eating meat… There are many Buddhist wandering monks are not “vegetarian” nor “non-vegetarian”. Whether it is non-vegetarian food or vegetarian food that is being given to them when they go out to beg for food for the day in the village, they eat with gratefulness and thankfulness. And they do not choose what they want or like to eat. They eat without the craving and aversion towards the taste of the food, or the choices of food.

When we eat without craving and aversion, then food is just food, it is not something "vegetarian" nor "non-vegetarian". It is beyond names and forms, beyond "vegetarian" and "non-vegetarian", beyond "tasty" and "not tasty", beyond "healthy" and "not healthy".

I am grateful and thankful for all the meals that are being served on the table whether it is vegetarian or not... As there are so many people out there who are starving and dying from hunger every day. There are homeless people who just eat whatever they found in the rubbish bin. There are many people who don't have a choice for what they will eat everyday, and struggling to survive day by day...

Being a “vegetarian” or being a "non-vegetarian" does not guarantee a person to be humble, to be enlightened, and to be peaceful, compassionate and happy, and be free from pride and arrogance, anger and hatred, craving and aversion…

Of course we have the freedom of choice to eat "healthily" or not... That is up to us. Sometimes the so called "healthy food" are not necessarily good for our body... And at the same time we also respect other people for what they want to eat... Be happy.

There was a famous human race mass murderer in the history who liked to eat vegetarian food, and he loved animals especially dogs… Even so, I don’t need to “hate” this person either… Whatever he did was nothing to do with whether he was a vegetarian or not, or whether he liked animals or not…

I never condemned those who eat meat when I didn’t eat meat. I respect those who don’t eat meat when I eat food that is being categorized as “non-vegetarian”. I respect everyone has their choices and freedom to choose what they prefer to eat and to put into their body.

I enjoy eating fruit and vegetables, and I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables but I’m not a “vegetarian”...

I don’t need to name myself as “vegetarian” when I don’t eat meat, and I don’t need to name myself as “non-vegetarian” when I eat meat products. I am neither a “vegetarian” nor a “non-vegetarian”. I am who I am.

I’m happy and contented with what I eat no matter it is being categorized as “healthy” or “unhealthy” food. And I respect those who don’t like or “hate” to eat meat and fish or so called “unhealthy” food. Be happy.

It loses the meaning of being a vegetarian to attain peace and to be compassionate, when we want to be “vegetarian” and eat only “vegetarian” food but, we are not really peaceful and happy, constantly being affected and disturbed by the craving and aversion towards what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and think, and we don’t have self-control over our own mind and being over-powered by impurities like anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, pride, arrogance, fear, worry, and attachments in the mind.

Where is peace and compassion when we eat only vegetarian food but, we do things and say things that are hurting other people feelings, and have anger and hatred toward things that we don't like and don't agree with?

Where is peace and calmness that supposed to be the result of eating "healthy" vegetarian food and not eating "unhealthy" meat products, when we are so frustrated and unhappy about what we want to eat and don't eat, and what other people eat?

When we practice namelessness and formlessness, what is “vegetarian” and what is “non-vegetarian”? What is “healthy food” and what is “unhealthy food”?

When we practice non-identification with the body and the mind, what is good condition and bad condition of this physical body?

Even Buddha taught us about the Dharma of impermanence by showing us that this body is impermanent. He taught us about namelessness and formlessness by showing us that our true nature is beyond the condition of this impermanent body. He taught us about there is no "I", there's nobody there to experience good or bad experiences, it is just the body and mind experiencing some conditions that are impermanent. Even after his enlightenment, his body still had to go through impermanence, changes, discomforts, old age, weakness, sickness, and death... But, he was not affected nor determined by the changing condition of this body... He was fearless and worry-less. He was beyond "good" and "bad", "birth" and "death"... There's no fear of old age, sickness and death...

The practice of Silence - Mauna

2011-12-28T22:42:00.019+08:00

The observation of silence - Mauna, is not just limited to the restriction of speech but it’s also about reducing and restricting the senses inputs and stimulations of the mind. It is calming down the thought current and free the mind from restlessness. It is not merely practicing silence of speech, but also silence of the mind.

This will help to purify the mind to a deeper level.

It is like emptying and cleaning the rubbish bin. Stop putting in more rubbish and bringing out the existing rubbish from the bin and give it a good clean up. It is stopped stimulating the mind and allow it to have a moment of stillness.

It is about changing the habit of the mind that likes to react towards all the names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses every moment. It is restricting the mind to react whenever it wants to react towards whatever it perceives.

This will lead our mind to stop reacting towards what it likes and dislikes, what it agrees and disagrees with, and allow the mind to develop inner qualities, such like patience, forbearance, non-attachment, letting go, tolerance, adjustment, adaptation, accommodation, acceptance, forgiveness, self-introspection and self-control over the thoughts, actions and speech. All these inner divine qualities will lead the mind to realize God consciousness or the universal consciousness - Selflessness and compassion.

It is not just about not talking.

By controlling the speech organ not to talk or speak whenever the mind wants to express itself through speech or verbal expression, it is actually controlling the mind from its egoistic habitual reaction towards all the objects of the senses or whatever it perceives through the body and mind.

It is about being the master of the mind and be "the one" in control of ourselves, instead of being the slave of the mind and being controlled by the mind. It's about stop generating craving towards what the mind likes and agrees with, and stop generating aversion towards what the mind dislikes and disagrees with. Through this practice, the ego will be annihilated.

Beside stopping the mind from reacting towards the sense objects by refraining the mind to express itself through speech by observing non-talking, non-justification, non-arguing, non-interaction and non-communication with the world, and just stand as a witness or the observer witnessing or observing all the names and forms that are being perceived in the mind, we also refrain the mind from reacting or expressing through physical actions, body language and facial expression, during the practice of silence - Mauna.

It is a total restrain over the thoughts, actions and speech. The mind becomes silent.

The practice of reducing or purifying senses inputs – sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations (touch) and thoughts, and stop generate craving and aversion towards all these names and forms, is observing Mauna. When we stop generate new reactions of craving and aversion towards all the names and forms that the mind perceives through the senses, the old accumulated tensions or karma that derived from past cravings and aversions, will appear to the surface of the mind to be purified, or to be letting go.

The practice of Mauna is a very efficient and important way for us to realize the Truth of ourselves and about suffering.

The practice includes but not limited to:-

- No verbal or written communication and interaction with other people.

- No eyes contact or body contact with other people. Not looking at other people nor take interest in other people’s affairs.

- No body language or facial expression to make any communication or interaction with other people.

- Reduce and limit the inputs (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and thinking) and outputs (ideas, communications and interactions) of the mind. Such like not reading novels, magazines and newspaper, not watching movies and TV programs, not listening to music, not playing sports games, not writing, not doing intense physical activities, not sleeping on soft bed, not using perfumes or fragrances, and divert the mind to contemplate on Dharma only whenever the mind thinks of any worldly objects, and etc.

- Control and minimize the habit of self-talking in the mind (talking to ourself in the mind). The speech organ maybe not performing any talking verbally, but the mind continues to talk to itself in the mind. This is very common for many people. It shows that how restless the mind is, and it doesn't like to be in silence for a single moment, even though from the appearance the body is silent and stilled, not performing any speech and actions.

- Controlling sexual desire. Transform or channel the sexual energy for spiritual practice and spiritual realization.

- Conserve energy by limiting worldly mental, physical and speech activities, and use the energy for spiritual practice and to perform selfless service for ourselves and for other beings.

- Reduce wants and worldly desires and sensual enjoyments.

- Restricting the usual daily habits of the body and mind. Such like dependent on "taking" certain "substances" or "doing" certain "things" to feel good...

- Restricting the usual reactions of the body and mind towards all the names and forms. Such like when we hear something that we don't agree with, we would like to argue about it...

- By limiting and reducing verbal, physical and mental activities. This will stop any stimulations of the mind. Allowing the whirlpool of the restless mind to have the opportunity to "settle down". When the mind is pure and calm, we will be able to "see" the Truth of everything as it is, not being contaminated by the impurities and restlessness in our mind...

- Restrict the mind from trying to express itself at anytime through verbal speech, facial expression and body language/sign. Such like learn to observe anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, dissatisfaction, arrogance, anxiety, agitation, depression, fear and worry, and let them go without react towards any of these impurities...

- Observe the thoughts (thinking) and not identify nor associate with the thoughts.

- Make the outgoing mind turns inwards concentrating and resting in the chamber of the heart.

May all spiritual aspirants be determined to observe Mauna – Silence of thoughts, actions and speech for some period of time in the path of yoga and meditation for spiritual realization to know the Truth.

Note that this practice of silence is "possible" for those who really want to know how to transcend suffering. For people who never suffer, or haven't experience any suffering, or don't know what is suffering, and are not interested in transcending suffering, this practice is not possible for them. It's because this practice will generate some "discomforts" or "pain" or "suffering" in the body and the mind, due to we stop feeding the body and the mind with what it usually likes to think, do, say, see, hear, smell, taste, and touch... It is "not fun" but "miserable" for the mind that likes to chase after worldly sensual enjoyments...

We will see our mind's true behavior when we start to restrict the mind from getting what it usually gets in everyday life... We will notice that we are not actually "the person" whom we think what we are... All the anger and frustration kick in as the body and mind is being cut off from its usual addictions, activities, lifestyle and enjoyment, and when its craving is not being gratified...

We will find out that our own mind is not actually as "obedient" as what we thought it was. And we will become humble and stop judging and criticizing other people whom we think that they have a "bad" mind that is not as "good" as ours... It's because we will realize that our own mind is not any better than anyone else mind...

We thought that we are super nice and calm people, but not really...

We thought that we are patient and compassionate people, but not really...

We thought that we are loving and unselfish people, but not really...

When we stop giving the mind what it likes and wants...

And so, this confrontation with the "ugly dark side" of our own mind, is not a "good" thing for anyone who is very proud and arrogant... But it is a very good thing for anyone who is willing to give up pride and arrogance...

This is simply because we are able to see the truth of our own mind when we practice Mauna for a period of time, and turn the outgoing mind inward for self-introspection...

When come to the point if we are able to perform all our actions and speech out of selflessness and compassion, without any attachment, selfish desire and expectation, when all our thoughts, actions and speech are pure, then even though we are performing some thinking, actions and speech, but it is not contradicted with the practice of silence at all... That is what we call inaction in action...

Om shanti.

A message to a yoga student...

2011-12-21T23:18:00.006+08:00

"I'm enjoying every paragraphs you have written, all of them are really nice and meaningful. How I hope I could let the universe to decide where should I be staying too.. I wanted to stay in Australia but then I am worried of both my parents.. So undecided... Everything is like left hanging in the air"

This was a message from one of my yoga student... And this is what I replied to her.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hi there,

It is very normal that we will be apart from our family and friends at some stage in our life.

When we love and care for someone, we don't have to be together in the same place or be together all the time, but appreciate each other when we are being together, and continue to care for each other when we are apart, but without worrying...

Worry doesn't bring any positive changes to anything, but will make us loose the concentration on where we are and what we are doing at the present moment. It doesn't benefit us and the other person whom we worry about.

When you start to accept that in this present moment now, you are being there and your parents are being here, physically you are apart from each other, but actually there is no separation at all between you and your parents. Space and time cannot separate you and the people that you love. Space or distance doesn't exist when you accept yourself being where you are and not thinking about why you are not being at some other places now?

Imagine that if you are here living in the same house with your parents, do you always be with your parents every moment all the time? No... You need to get out of the house and be in the office, or meet up with your friends, or go for a movie or shopping... Or your parents want to have their own space to do their own things. But will you start to worry about your parents when you are not with them during those time that you are not being together?

Most of the time for people who live in the same house, they don't really see each other very often... In fact they'll start to feel that they need a distance from the people who live together in the same house, or have some privacy without some other people around them.

Whether it is being close together touching each other, or being 1 foot away, or 1 Km away, or 100 Km away, or 10000 Km away from each other, it makes no difference when you truly love and care for somebody, but without want to possess the physical togetherness or want them to stay close to us all the time.

If your parents are going to be fine, why should you worry for them?

And if your parents are not going to be fine, then by worrying is not going to help anything. If you really want to see your parents, anytime you can just come home, let go of your job for a few days, for a few months, or a few years, if your parents are so important to you... Even if you are going to loose your job for seeing your parents, why not? If your parents are really that important to you... It is just an excuse if we think that we cannot see our parents because of "something" that stops us from doing that...

If you think that because of your job, you cannot come home to see your parents, it means that your parents are not as important as what you think they are to you. Your job is more important then.

Even if you come back to where your parents are, it is not necessary that you will be living in the same house or at the same neighbourhood. Should you be still worry for your parents then, just because you are not living together?

And if you are living together with your parents in the same house, are you going to stop worrying for them? Do you still worry for your parents if you going to leave them and do your own thing for a few hours, or for a few days, or for a few months?

And so, worrying is not about how far you are apart from each other, and it is not about how long you will be apart from each other. It is not about whether you are living together or not, or living in the same country or not?

It is not that being closer, it will be less worry. And being further apart, it will be more worry... It is not that you'll be apart for a short time, the worry is less, and if you'll be apart for a long time, the worry is more...

If somebody we love had passed away, we will miss them but we won't worry for them... If you will worry for somebody who had already passed away, then you will be worry for everything no matter where you are...

And so, why worry? Even if the people whom we love are still alive but are not well, being worry won't make them better... Worrying is meaningless... Wasting our energy and time but doesn't benefit anything.

It is about whether you want to worry (go ahead and start worrying, it's your freedom to worry) or let go of worrying (stop worrying, it's in your control to let go of worrying)...

Be happy wherever you are, you still can care for somebody who is very far apart from you physically but you are never separated from them in your heart...

Love connect you and the people you love. You are always "together" with the people you love... And you don't have to be with them to stay close together physically and seeing them all the time.

And if you really want to be with your parents, want to spend time with them while they are still healthy and alive, then you can just come back and be with them for as much as you want. It is all up to you.

Most of the time, we are just giving a lot of excuses to ourselves about we cannot do this or cannot do that because of "this" or "that"... And making ourselves feeling confuse about what we really want.

The best gift that we can give to our parents to show love and gratitude to them is by taking good care of ourselves and be peaceful and happy... So that our parents don't need to worry for us at all. And so, why do we want to worry our parents by worrying for them?

But if one day, our parents need us to be there for them, then there shall be no excuse at all that why we are not being there for them... Unless we had tried our best to be there but it didn't happen, then we have to forgive ourselves and let go...

Wish you all the best.

Om shanti.

Meng Foong

My life stories - Part 8

2011-12-20T09:00:00.013+08:00

My life stories - Part 8
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

How come we moved to Langkawi and teach yoga here?

This is the most common question that everyone asked us...

We didn't choose Langkawi actually...

Either it was Langkawi that chose us or the universe wants us to be here...

We had no idea at all that we will be living in Langkawi one day, and teach yoga in this place. We went to Koh Lipe with our friends from Austria for holidays in January 2009.

The easiest way to get to Koh Lipe from Kuala Lumpur was to take the flight from KL to Langkawi and then take the speed boat from Langkawi to Koh Lipe. We didn't plan to stay in Langkawi at all. We didn't even think of to take a look at Langkawi either. We had no idea at all how Langkawi is, and had no interest to know about it either...

We wanted to stay in Koh Lipe for our entire holidays for 17 nights. And so we booked our return flight tickets to go back to KL 17 days later. Marc, my husband went to Bangkok before and he would get a 30 days tourist visa stamp. We thought that we would get a one month tourist visa upon arrival in Thailand.

As soon as we arrived in the Langkawi Airport, straightaway we took a taxi to bring us to the jetty at Telaga Habour where the speed boat will go from. About 90 minutes later we arrived in Koh Lipe, a very beautiful island with clear water and white sandy beach.

When we got to the immigration booth in Koh Lipe to get back our passports, the immigration officer gave my Malaysian's passport a 30 days visa stamp and gave my husband's Irish passport a 14 days visa stamp... We didn't know that they had made a new regulation that coming into Thailand by land or by sea can only get a 14 days visa for foreigners, but Malaysian will still get a 30 days visa.

We asked the immigration officer on how could we extend his visa for another 3 days? They told us that the only way was to come back to Malaysia and go back to Thailand again... And this would cost a lot more than if we just stay in Langkawi for the last 3 days of our holiday, and then flew out from Langkawi on the day according to the flight tickets that we had booked... And thus, we decided to cut short our holidays in Koh Lipe and stay 3 days in Langkawi instead, unwittingly without any intention...

After spending 2 weeks in the beautiful clear water island of Koh Lipe, doing yoga asana practice on the beach everyday, snorkeling and collecting beautiful sea shells, and enjoying delicious Thai food on the island, we left Koh Lipe and came to Langkawi island... We didn't really know where to head to...

We met some other tourists in koh Lipe said that Pantai Cenang is the most popular place in Langkawi and there are some budget guest-houses to choose from. We jumped on to a shared van taxi with some other tourists and they were heading to Pantai Cenang as well. Each of us paid 10 Ringgit for the 30 minutes ride...

The taxi driver let us out in front of AB Motel. But they had no room for us... We walked along the street carrying our backpack and looked at several places to stay, but they were either fully booked or they were too expensive for us.

At last, we found this Amzar Motel for 50 Ringgit a night... It's a simple accommodation but we didn't expect too much. But we had some noisy neighbours quarreling in the middle of the night... We didn't sleep very well.

On the next day, we spent our time walking along the street of Pantai Cenang and strolled on the beach. The beach was nice but fulled of jet-skies, some motorbikes, cars and four wheeled drives (on the beach?), and tourists... The sea water was not as clear as in Koh Lipe... But it was very calm. We went for a swim in the sea... Well, we didn't find the place any interesting.

On the second day, we decided to take a taxi to the town of Kuah... The taxi fare was not cheap. It was 24 Ringgit one way. We got down in front of a duty free shop. We were not really interested to do any shopping. And so, we walked around the shophouses and we came to Trimula. We saw there was a vegetarian restaurant and we went for a look at their menu, but it wasn't appealing for us as the dishes were pre-cooked and already sitting out there for some time... They had other dishes that can be cooked fresh when you place order, but most of them were deep fried mock meat stuffs which we didn't really want to eat...

The restaurant owner was a very friendly man. He has a touring company and car rental business as well just right next to the restaurant. We asked him what were the interesting things to do and places to visit in Langkawi. He said that the best way to get around Langkawi was to rent a car... He was right about that. Due to the expensive taxi fare in Langkawi and there were no public transport like buses, it would be cheaper to rent a car to explore the entire island.

He gave us some discount for a small car at 80 Ringgit a day. I think it was Suzuki Swift. And so, we went exploring the island with a guide map with us from him. We drove towards the highway (Yes, it was a very good highway on the island from Kuah town straight to the airport...), and turn into a side road which led us to the middle of the island. We saw the sign for Gunung Raya and drove up to Gunung Raya with a nearly empty fuel tank (Oops! We forgot to fill up the petrol tank before we went...). It was quite nice when we were up there because of the cooler temperature and the view from the top... That gave Langkawi some extra points... We managed to come back down to a petrol station to fill up some petrol.

We continued our journey and came to a waterfall, the Durian Perangin waterfall near the Air Hangat Village Hot Spring. We followed the path that led us up to the waterfall. Along the path was surrounded by rain forests. The air was so fresh and cooling. It was a small waterfall with very powerful water pressure coming down from the top. It has a big enough pool for dipping in. The energy there was really great! It had been a long time we had not experienced such an energetic waterfall and rain forest. We both liked this waterfall very much, especially my husband. He is a man of nature. He finds peace in the nature... This waterfall gave us a different impression on Langkawi.

After the waterfall, we continued exploring the island and came to the hot spring. It was nothing much there. It wasn't renovated yet that time, and lack of maintenance. But now it is renovated and looks brand new with some hot spring Jacuzzi rooms. And from there we drove along the road passing by some villages and there was rain-forest as well as some rubber plantations along the road. This experience of driving on the road with the trees and mountains that we can see along the road and not high rise buildings, gave us great impression about Langkawi Island. We stopped by at the Black Sand Beach and the Craft Complex. That gave Langkawi another few more points.

That evening we went back to Pantai Cenang with complete different point of view about Langkawi. Langkawi was not just Pantai Cenang as what we (or some other tourists) thought it was. It has some other beautiful features, nature, waterfalls, rain forest, mountains, mangroves, river, nice beaches and mellow pace of lifestyle... It depends mostly on tourism. It is a touristic place but it is also suitable for living...

On the next day we came back to the city of Kuala Lumpur... We both had a strong feeling about Langkawi, and that led us to booked another return flight tickets to Langkawi due to AirAsia had great promotional air fare during that time. And so, we took 3 days off from our yoga classes in Kuala Lumpur and came back to Langkawi again in less than two months later. On this trip, we were mainly coming here to see if there was any suitable houses for us to stay and to teach yoga...

We told each other that if we could find a house that was suitable for us to live in and to teach yoga at the same time, then we would move up here... We believed that if we could find a house to rent, then it was meant for us to be here. It was not so easy to find a house to rent in Pantai Cenang area due to it is a popular location for foreigners to rent a house here for long stay. And if we couldn't get a suitable house to rent, then it wasn't meant for us to be here, and we would go back to Kuala Lumpur happily continued teaching yoga there to the regular daily drop in Malaysian students if that's the case.

At that time and still is, most of the good condition houses here were occupied by foreigners already. What left were some half-built houses which need a lot of renovation works done before moving in...

We did think of wanting to move to some other places where we will be closer to the nature... I didn't mind living in the city of Kuala Lumpur, I was contented living there for many years... But, if there is a choice I would prefer to live in a village near the nature just like when I was growing up... One day about one year ago before we moved to Langkawi, I painted a painting that was about a wooden house near the beach with mountains and coconut trees surrounding it... Actually since I was little, I always dreamed of living in a house by the seaside... And the house that I painted was similar to the house that we found in Langkawi later. Although Langkawi wasn't in our plan at all in the first place.

There we were, in Langkawi again, looking for a house to rent which is not too close to the busy street of Pantai Cenang, but yet close enough for people to walk from Pantai Cenang... We wanted to look for a house that is surrounded with nature and not too close to other houses or the road... We also looked for a house that has a big enough living room that we can teach a few people in a yoga class... We also looking for a house that is within our budget... Under all these conditions that we requested, it wasn't easy for us to find a suitable house...

We found another budget place to stay this time for 45 Ringgit a night at the Shirin Guest House... Again, we didn't expect anything from this room. The lady owner was a very nice Japanese lady named Hiroko. She married to an Iranian man and had been living in Langkawi for many years... She also had been to India for two years studying Yoga... She is a very "strong" lady in her heart, even though from her appearance she is just a tiny skinny lady.

The best way to look for a suitable house, was to go around this area by feet. And so, we walked around the villages behind the Pantai Cenang street. It was hot and sunny, but we were determined. We asked a few villagers about vacant houses and told them our interest in looking for a house to rent. Some people asked why didn't we buy a house instead? The truth is, we couldn't buy any properties in that area because all the lands and houses here are Malay Reserved, and even though as a Malaysian citizen, I was not allowed to buy any of the properties here on the island except a few freeholds properties in Kuah town that were not Malay Reserved which the price is ridiculously expensive... Anyway, we wasn't looking forward to buy any properties here... We don't have much money and we don't really have to own anything...

We looked and looked, and asked... Some people showed us some houses, but either they were near the noisy main road, or they were too close to some other houses, or they were too far to walk from the beach, or they were too small for teaching classes, or the rentals were out of our budget... We talked to a few people and gave them our contact numbers to call us if they heard there was any houses for rent... We left it for the universe to decide.

We were quite tired from walking for a few hours under the hot sun for two days, and decided to just take the rest of our last evening time to relax on the beach. We changed into our swimming attires and was about going to the beach... The phone rang... I answered the phone and the caller asked me in Malay if we were still interested to look for a house to rent? Why not? We told ourselves that this would be the last house that we looked... If it wasn't the right one, then it meant that we were not meant to be here...

And so, we changed back into our clothings and went to meet up with these people that wanted to bring us to see a house... We came to a road where we had walked pass before in the afternoon. We arrived at a side road where there was a sign saying "Wrong Place"... We saw that sign earlier, and thought it was funny. Then we came to the end of the road with a little Malay wooden house standing there elegantly... The first thing we had in mind was, "Yes! A very beautiful wooden house surrounded by nature, away from the main road and other houses but yet close enough to walk from the beach..." But we still had not see the inside of the house yet and we didn't know how much was the rental...

This house was about 150 years old. The owner bought it from somewhere else, took down the woods piece by piece with numbers written on it, and then brought it here to be resembled back into a house on this piece of land which belongs to the family. It had a small balcony to sit out looking over the garden and the rice padi fields...

They opened the door for us to get in... The living room was big enough to accommodate 6 - 8 people. Then they opened the windows on the three sides of the living room... The sunlight and the breeze rushed in... It was so beautiful!

There was a small kitchen that can only fit one person at a time, and a small bathroom that we couldn't stretch out our arms... There was a medium sized bedroom and another small room which we could use as an office... It was almost perfect except that the kitchen was really small as my husband loves cooking and we were planning to do all the cooking ourselves for the yoga retreats beside teaching daily yoga classes...

And we discussed about the rental... It was great! the rental was within our budget although it was considered a very high price in the village for the locals... It was liked more than double the price of what it should be for a house like that. Due to the house, the location and the environment were exactly what we were looking for, we didn't want to bother about it as it was still within our budget...

And so, we paid them one month deposit to reserve the house... We told them that we could only move in at least two months later for us to settle all our classes in Kuala Lumpur... They didn't mind.

We came back to Kuala Lumpur the next day and were excited about our unexpected decision to move to Langkawi... At first, we thought that we could finish all our classes in two months time and move to Langkawi in June, but it wasn't. We had to take another one month to settle everything... We called the owner's brother who was the one in charge of the house, about our delay for moving to Langkawi... He told us that there was no problem at all... They didn't charge us any extra rental either...

In less than two weeks time before we moved, my husband went for a 10 days Vipassana Meditation retreat in Malaysia. He came back on the day before we moved... And so, I was busy with packing our stuffs into boxes while he was gone... And when he came back from the retreat, we were ready to go. Since my husband loves to cycle but due to the heavy traffic and air pollution in Kuala Lumpur, he didn't feel like want to do any cycling in the city... And so we thought that it would be great that he could do some cycling when we moved to Langkawi living in a village area with no heavy traffic or air pollution, we went to PJ Old Town and bought him a new bicycle on that day. But, as he cycled back to our condominium in Taman Sri Manja, one of the tyres got punctured... And so, we had to detached the wheel from the bicycle and brought it back to the shop to repair it... We were really busy that day! But we enjoyed every moment of it...

On the next day the 10th of July, we arranged a six wheeled lorry to bring our furnitures and stuffs... And we drove our little Kelisa towards Langkawi... We spent one night half way in Ipoh. On the next day, we arrived at Kuala Kedah and sent our car to the car ferry and we took the passenger ferry to Langkawi... We stayed overnight in a motel in Kuah town near the Jetty Points where the passenger ferries come in.

On the next morning we took a taxi to the car ferry at Dermaga Tanjung Lembung to collect our car and drove to our new home in Pantai Cenang... It was monsoon time and it rained all day when we were coming from Ipoh to Kuala Kedah... But it didn't rain at the time we arrived at our new home and our lorry also had arrived soon after us... We moved all our furnitures and stuffs into the house just before it started to rain again...

And what we found out after that was, this wooden house was already been empty for six months when we saw it... It was strange that a good condition beautiful house like that would sit empty for six months because this area is a popular location for long stay tourists to rent a house... And the rental wasn't too expensive. And another thing was, there were other people looked at the house before, and they wanted to rent the house but the owner declined to rent to them... And the owner did want to rent the house to a couple who were millionaires, but the couple didn't take it as they said the kitchen was too small for them... And so, the house was sitting empty for six months until we saw it. And it was empty for a total of nine months before we moved in...

The house was there waiting for us to come, all that time...

Now, we had rented another house about 3 minutes walk from our yoga studio with bigger kitchen and dining hall to prepare the meals for our yoga retreats... We also had moved in to this house about three months ago, and let the wooden house just be the yoga studio for doing the yoga classes...

This was the story for the answer of the question that everyone asked us...

We didn't choose Langkawi but Langkawi chose us...

We did make the effort to be here... And we spent quite a lot of money for moving and for getting the business license... We didn't see teaching yoga as a business. We didn't really need a business license to teach yoga to anyone... But when we went to the city hall to enquire about it, the head officer advised us to apply for a business license anyway... We wanted to do it the proper way legally, as it was quite a sensitive issue here about running yoga classes in a Muslims predominant village area...

The business license took more than a year for it to come through... What happened was, the business license department people were not very sure about what was going on with the yoga fatwa thing. They didn't know whether they could give us the permission to teach yoga here. And so, they held our application for more than six months and then they sent our application to the mosques to get their advice whether we could teach yoga here... And after another few more months, the mosques finally gave us the permission with a special request that we cannot take any Muslims of any origins for attending any of our yoga classes and retreats activities... Or else our business license would be terminated, and we wouldn't be allowed to teach yoga here on Langkawi anymore... Well, we still want to teach yoga to so many other people who come here to learn and practice yoga... And thus we respected and followed the rules and regulations that were applied to us.

For understanding more about the terms and conditions of our business license that forbids us from teaching yoga to Muslims, please click on this link to read about it... And for understanding more about yoga is unconditional and unlimited by any names and forms, please click on this link to read about it...

For applying the business license, we needed to apply for a temporary yearly renewal building permit for the house... And that also used up lots of money and took another few months before we could actually apply for the business license which took about a year altogether... We were living on my husband's savings for many months before the classes and retreats taking off... We didn't give up nor worried about it. I believe the universe will take care of everything... And it did.

We will continue to teach yoga here, unless the universe wants us to be at somewhere else...

Om shanti.

This video below was taken when we were in Koh Lipe

The importance of Mauna & Uparati - The practice of silence & renunciation from worldy activities

2011-12-19T09:00:00.014+08:00

This practice of silence and renunciation from worldly activities is applicable for those who sincerely want to tread the path of entering into silence or attaining Samadhi - the ultimate freedom and real peace transcending the ego and the mind, transcending the perception of the world of names and forms, dualities and qualities, and be free from desires, greed, craving and aversion, and thus be free from ignorance and suffering. This practice will come naturally for those who already have the right discrimination about what is real and unreal. Naturally they will let go of chasing after of the unreal, and will know to appreciate and utilize the existence of this body and mind for what is real...

Anything that is being created, it is not real... It has a beginning and an end... It exists and will stop existing... It has qualities of names and forms... It is impermanent and constantly changing...

The real "thing" is not being created... And thus it doesn't has a beginning or ending. It doesn't exist and stop existing. It is attributeless, it doesn't has quality of names and forms. It is not affected by impermanence and it doesn't change...

This practice of Mauna and Uparati is not just applicable and limited to the so called monks and nuns who leave the world to concentrate on their own Self-realization. The real renunciation is not conditioned by any names and forms, but it is happening in the mind, and it can be at anywhere and anytime, and in anyone...

People who know real renunciation can live in the midst of the world but will not be affected, nor influenced, nor determined, nor disturbed, nor conditioned by the world of names and forms... They are free from ignorance, egoism, anger, hatred, greed, desire, dissatisfaction, craving and aversion, anxiety, restlessness, fear and worry. Out of compassion and wisdom that they realize from Self-realization, they can perform so much works or actions to help the other beings to be free, to transcend the ego and the mind, ignorance and suffering... But without being affected by the fruit of their actions.

For people who really wish to attain success in the path of yoga and meditation, the practice of Mauna (silence) and Uparati (cessation from worldly activities) are very important practice to turn the outgoing tendency of the mind inward, in order to render the mind calm and be free from restlessness and unnecessary anxieties, cares and worries for Self-introspection or Self-inquiry.

The practice of Mauna and Uparati maybe seen as "anti-social" in the eyes of the worldly people, but it is a must if we really want to go deeper in the path of yoga and meditation to know the Truth of our existence and to attain real peace. Those whose minds are wild, incontrollable, restless and passionate are not yet ready to meditate, to contemplate upon the Truth... There is nothing wrong or bad about the mind being restless and passionate... Just keep practice purification of the mind and strengthening self-control...

That's why all the (serious) meditation retreats for people who live in the busy world to immerse themselves in meditation practice for purifying and calming the mind, and to contemplate on the Truth, they have two most important observations which are, to observe silence or Mauna (to stop any interactions and communications with the world verbally, mentally and physically) and to refrain from worldly or daily habitual activities throughout the entire retreat. This is to allow the mind to quiet down, to take a few moments of "rest"... Within that few moments of "rest", the mind is calm and quiet, be free from anxiety, restlessness, imaginations and speculations, and naturally, without any intention to know the Truth, the Truth will reveal itself...

Only a calm and pure mind can reflect upon the Truth without the influence of the ego, the thinking, impurities, judgments and expectations...

For people who really devote this life existence for Self-realization, and they know self-control, non-attachment and renunciation, they can live in the busy world, but being undisturbed, unaffected, uninfluenced, unconditioned, undetermined by the world, and practice meditation entering into silence. The world is always restless, but they are not influenced by the world. Their mind is at rest all the time... They are different from those who need to go to retreat centres repeatedly to have some sorts of "momentary" self-control, non-attachment and renunciation in the retreat centres, to find some moments of peace, but when come back out into the world, there is no self-control, nor non-attachment, nor renunciation, and there is no peace...

In the path of yoga (mind control), these two practices are unavoidable if we really want to know about this mind (the existence of "I" (the perceiver) and all the enjoyments and suffering (the perceived) that comes along with the existence of this "I"), and to be able to go beyond this mind and to transcend the ego, craving and aversion, and ignorance or impurities, as well as transcending all the qualities of names and forms (the state of duality that derives from the perception of names and forms).

Fear and worry, anger and hatred, greed and dissatisfaction, envy and jealousy, doubts and ignorance, craving and aversion, passionate desires, the attachments towards the body and mind, the attachments towards all the names and forms that are being perceived through this mind and body with the functions of the senses and sense organs, the wrong identification with the body and mind, the sensations, the feelings, the thinkings and the egoistic "I-ness" and "mine-ness"... - All these impurities "disconnect" us from our true nature, the eternal unconditional, attributeless wisdom, bliss and peace.

We think we are "this" or "that" with certain names and forms, behaviors, believes, religions, educations, cultures, habits, hobbies, talents, characteristics and personalities. We think we have something called "self-esteem" that is being determined by who we are and what we are, what we do and don't do, what we can do and cannot do, and what we judge ourselves and others. We think we need to have certain qualities to create or develop something what we name as "confidence" in us.

The truth is, once we know this mind and what is this ego, then all the so called "self-esteem" and "confidence", and all the other qualities of good and bad, happiness and suffering, names and forms that we use to judge ourselves and everyone and everything in this world, they all will disappear... They don't exist at all...

There is no "I"... There is no "self-esteem" or "confidence"... There is no need to have "self-esteem" or "confidence" to feel that we are "somebody" or to make us become "somebody"...

"Self-esteem" and "confidence" exist when we think we are this body and mind, and we are "somebody" with certain qualities, names and forms...

When we truly know our true Self, the existent of "I" with certain qualities, names and forms, will disappear... Our true Self is nameless and formless, beyond names and forms... There is no good and bad. There is no positive and negative. There is no happiness and suffering...

In order to know our true Self, not just from reading books written by enlightened beings, or having heard from past saints and sages, or from some existing teachers or Gurus telling us about "who we really are", we need to be able to observe the practice of Mauna and Uparati in some stage in our life... Just to take some "time off" from worldly activities and interactions... For the mind to have the opportunity to be free from restlessness, unnecessary cares and worries, to concentrate and focus inwardly for introspection, for self-inquiry, for self-realization, for experiencing the real inner peace, for knowing the Truth of existence and suffering...

Note that this real inner peace is not the momentary peaceful good feeling that comes from doing some meditation, asana and pranayama practice, or by not encountering any discomforts, pain and illnesses, or by doing the things that we like to do, or by getting the things that we want, where by this type of peaceful good feeling is conditioning and limited by the qualities of names and forms, and it is impermanent, it will change and disappear...

The real inner peace is unconditional, unlimited, undisturbed and unchanging... It is always there. Never increase nor decrease... Never exist nor doest it stop existing...

This renunciation is not selfishness as some people might think that it is... This is definitely not running away from our duties and responsibilities... It's because the biggest duty and responsibility in this existence of "I", is to know who am "I"... If we don't know "who we really are", we will have no peace, no wisdom, no compassion... And we cannot help other people to have peace, wisdom and compassion, if we ourselves are not peaceful, not wise, and not compassionate... If we want to help the world, we need to help ourselves first...

When this mind is restless, wild and uncontrollable, it makes us think that we are experiencing all the enjoyments and suffering in this world of names and forms with qualities of good and bad, pleasantness and unpleasantness...

When the mind is pure and be free from all sorts of impurities and ignorance, we'll know that there is "nobody" there to experience "anything"... The world is just being what it is being "projected" from this mind... It is the mind projecting the "world"... When the mind stops, the world disappears... When the mind ceased existing, there is no "world"...

Impure mind projects impure world of names and forms... Positive mind projects positive world... Negative mind projects negative world... Fearful mind projects fearful world... Angry and hating mind projects angry and hating world... Compassionate mind projects compassionate world... Calm mind projects calm world... Pure mind projects pure world... No mind, no world...

Yoga and meditation is to "annihilate" the mind, to "eliminate" the ego, the thought waves or the mind activities...

It doesn't matter if some worldly passionate minds think that this practice of Mauna and Uparati is impossible, contradictory, unnecessary and means no more "fun" in life... Everyone has the freedom to choose what to do in life and what way of living... Be happy.

The meanings of life and ways of living are vary in everybody...

The Buddha and all the other saints and sages chose to live a simple, self-controlled, desire-less and non-attachment way of life and find that entering into silence and attaining real peace is the meaning of life... And some other people choose some other forms of lifestyle and find that by attaining another form of excitement, enjoyment and happiness as the meaning of life... There's nothing wrong... Be happy.

Contemplate on this teaching and be free...

Om shanti.

Be free from anger and hatred...

2011-12-01T01:04:00.008+08:00

When compassion exists, there's no anger and hatred...

If anger and hatred exist, there's no compassion...

There's no peace...

If we "think" we are good beings and are hating other beings that are not as "good" as we are, then obviously compassion is not there, even if we are "good"...

No matter how much we want to show our love to the "good things" that we love, and think that we are good beings and are being "compassionate", but at the same time, if we are hating other beings who are damaging the "good things" that we love, then what we thought was "compassion" in us is not really compassion at all...

Maybe we are good and want to promote "goodness", but it's not necessarily that we are being compassionate, if there is anger and hatred in us towards something that what we think is "bad" and "evil"...

There's no peace if anger and hatred exist in us even if we are "good" and love being "good"...

We try to, and want to be compassionate, but where is compassion when we are over-powered by anger and hatred?

We try to, and want to be in peace, but how can there be peace, when anger and hatred is there...

When anger and hatred disappear, compassion is there, peace is there...

Peace is never separated from compassion...

They exist together, they "come" together and they "leave" together...

Compassion and peace don't belong to "good" nor "evil"...

Compassion and peace are beyond good and evil...

It's beyond all the qualities and dualities of names and forms...

********

May all be in peace...

Be free from anger and hatred...

Malaysia Yoga Retreats in Langkawi 2012

2011-11-29T22:58:00.002+08:00

Here are some upcoming Yoga Now Malaysia yoga retreats in Langkawi, Malaysia in 2012.

Jan 1 – 7
Jan 9 – 13
Jan 16 – 20
Jan 21 – 24
Jan 25 – 31

Feb 6 – 9
Feb 11 – 16
Feb 20 – 24 (Beginners Yoga Retreat)
Feb 26 – 29

Mar 5 – 12
Mar 14 -18
Mar 26 – 31

Apr 2 – 6
Apr 11 – 18
Apr 23 – 26

May 3 – 10
May 13 – 20
May 21 – 24

June 2 – 9 (Yoga retreat in the French Alps)
June 9 – 16 (Yoga retreat in the French Alps)

Aug 7 – 11
Aug 13 – 16
Aug 23 – 30

Sept 3 – 10
Sept 12 – 15
Sept 17 – 24
Sept 27 – 30

Oct 3 – 6
Oct 8 – 12
Oct 17 – 24
Oct 28 – 31

Nov 4 – 10
Nov 18 – 25
Nov 27 – 30

Dec 3 – 7
Dec 10 – 14
Dec 16 – 23
Dec 27 – Jan 2, 2013

* Any dates other than these dates can be arranged to suit your holiday best. Please contact us for further details and booking.

You may start your retreat on the date that suit you best and for minimum 4 days 3 nights up to 14 days 13 nights.

Contact details:-

yoganow@hotmail.com

+6016 2715 082
+604 9559 082

Please visit our website for more details.

www.yoganowmalaysia.com

Yoga Retreat in the French Alps - June 2012 with Marc and Meng Foong - Yoga Now Malaysia

2011-11-28T12:25:00.004+08:00

We will be running a yoga retreat in the French Alps in June 2012.

For more details please click on this link Yoga Retreat in the French Alps.

Om shanti,

Marc and Meng Foong

Yoga Now Malaysia

+6016 2715 082

yoganow@hotmail.com

My life stories - Part 7

2011-11-24T23:29:00.041+08:00

My life stories - Part 7
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

After my mom passed away, my father was, and is still missing my mom very much. He feels guilty about my mom passed away in the hospital alone without anyone of us being with her. He feels deeply regret blaming himself for not being there with my mom when she took her last breath. He believes that maybe my mom had something to say to him before dying, but now and forever, he will never know what my mom wanted to say to him before she died.

Everyday he just want to sleep and sleep, hoping that my mom will show up in his dream and talk to him. Every time when I went to visit him, he was so sad and crying, telling me that my mom didn't come into his dream. One year later, himself being paralyzed on the bed, he was still waiting for my mom to appear in his dream. He was so disappointed. With tears in his eyes, he asked me why he couldn't see my mom in his dream? Another thing that he kept blaming himself is, for being impatient and shouting at my mom when my mom needed his care and support for everyday routine, for the last two years before she passed away.

Due to this deep sadness missing my mom, he gave up on himself to get better. He didn't want to go for physiotherapy or any kind of treatments or rehabilitation. He gave up on living from the moment he got paralyzed. It was more than four years now he is paralyzed and he is getting weaker and weaker... He got paralyzed was because he went to the hospital for a body check up one day, and the nurse asked him to perform some exercises while sitting on the bed... He lost balance and fell down the bed, and his head hit the floor first... He went into coma. They sent him to Emergency Unit. There's nothing they could do... They brought him to ICU... They informed my sister... When my sister arrived, my father was awake but with half of his body paralyzed... The doctor explained that there were three blood clots in his head that caused him paralyzed... We couldn't undo anything even though if it was somebody's negligence and responsibility...

My sister was thinking of getting some compensation by suing the hospital and the nurse... I told my sister, that there was no need to sue anyone... The nurse had no intention for my father to fell down from the bed... The nurse didn't want this to happen... The nurse might be feeling so guilty already... Even if we sued the hospital or the nurse and got some compensation many years later, it wouldn't change the fact that my father was paralyzed and it wouldn't stop my father from being paralyzed and suffering... We should forgive and let go... One day this nurse might become a great nurse by learning from this incident...

My brother is taking care of him now, and I continue to support them financially. My brother couldn't work because of taking care of my father. His wife also needs to take care of her own father who is paralyzed as well... What a "sad" story of our family...

My mom was paralyzed for more than 2 years before she died. She needed special care and attention from my father and my sister to help her for going to the toilet, cleaning, bathing, eating, drinking, changing clothing, resting, going somewhere, and bringing her to the hospital and traditional Chinese acupuncture centre for body check ups and treatments for a few times a week.

It was not easy to take care of a paralyzed person for 24 hours a day. Everyone got tired, exhausted, impatient, and frustrated. My mom had no choice but had to depend on my father and my sister to be her arms and her legs for everything. It was very hard for a person like my mom who used to be very independent and strong, but suddenly she lost all her mobility and freedom to do simple things, and had to depend on somebody else just for going to the toilet and cleaning herself. It was not easy for both of the person who needed help and the person who gave help.

I could never blame or complain about how my father, my sister and her daughters for being impatient with my mom and shouted at my mom frequently, when they lost their patience for being exhausted from taking care of a paralyzed person. Everyone was exhausted and frustrated. I could totally understand that. The person in sickness was suffering. The people who care for the sick person also were suffering.

I felt compassionate for my mom for being paralyzed because no body would want to be like that, being helpless losing the strength and mobility. I also felt compassionate for my father, my sister and her daughters, for being unwittingly to care for a paralyzed person. No body would enjoy spending many hours looking after a paralyzed person who needed so much care and attention. I also felt compassionate for my the other two brothers who blamed themselves, and felt bad and guilty for not being able to help out financially. I felt compassionate for myself for not being able to be there for my mom all the time, because I have to be at somewhere else making money to provide financial support for the family.

I need to be able to take care myself in order to take care of my family. I never worried. Being worried would not change anything. Worrying would not make my mom's suffering to go away nor would make my family's condition to become better. Instead of worrying, I use the energy to perform lots of merits to help myself and to help other beings, including my family is also one of the beings that needed help.

More than 12 years ago, my parents used to live with me in Taman Sri Sentosa flat. After my late brother in law passed away, my sister wanted to move to Senawang, a place about 1 hour drive away from KL. Why? Only she knew... Maybe she wanted to get away from this place that gave her so much unhappy memories. Maybe she needed a change of environment and change of job, to get a new perspective in her life. Just to feel different... Maybe she wanted to live in a house close to the country side than being in the city, where she can see the mountains and the big blue sky from her house...

She did mentioned that she would like to buy a landed house in Senawang because the price of the properties there was a lot cheaper than what we could get in Kuala Lumpur. And she could get a job in Senawang. Senawang is an industrial area, there are many big factories. It would make more sense if she lived there than to travel back and forth between KL and Senawang everyday.

She found a job in Senawang. She also found a landed corner house for 53,000 RM, which you won't get the same price for the same type of property in KL.

Due to her two young daughters were studying in schools near to our home, she didn't want to bring the daughters with her. If she brought the daughters with her, she would have to pay someone to take care of the children when she's at work. Her monthly salary was not much. She couldn't afford a nanny. She also had a lot of debts needed to pay back. And so, she left the two daughters with us, my parents and I, to take care of them. She would (if possible, every month) give 400 RM to my parents for taking care of her two daughter and their daily expenses. My parents also responsible for sending them to schools and bring them back from schools. The elder daughter was going to a school in the next village about 3 kilometers away. And the younger daughter was in a kindergarten in O.U.G. about 8 kilometers away from our house.

She moved to Senawang, thinking of having a brighter future. She wanted to have big house, big car... She wanted to invest in property. She bought a shop lot. She wanted to invest in life insurance. She bought 8 life insurance policies at one time. She wanted to go for holiday staying in 4/5 stars hotel pampering herself once in a while. She used her many different credit cards to pay for everything if possible. House and car installments, insurance premiums, holidays, petrol, shopping, dining, and etc. But she didn't realize that her ambitions was too many and too big, which she ended up with having more and more debts...

She was and is a very nice and friendly person. She won't have bad intentions for anybody. She seldom gets angry unless it is something really unbearable... She was an outgoing person who likes to go everywhere and do everything, go into the sea, up to the mountains. She wanted to have a comfortable condition of life. She wanted to provide my parents with a better quality of life. She wanted to give her daughters the best that she could give. All she wanted was just to live a better life... That was totally nothing wrong.

She involved in Red Crescent Movement helping many people everywhere when she was in school. She continued to help many people everywhere after she finished school. She lost her own handbag many times while trying to help some people who were injured in car accidents on the road. She was and still is a good friend to anybody. She's very open-minded. She was one of the last batch students that went through English medium education. She reads, writes and speaks good English. She loves reading. She could finished reading one book and a bar of 200gm chocolate at the same time within a few hours time. She loved singing and played the guitar. She was a happy and care free person...

But, all these won't guarantee that she won't be getting into financial problems...

When she was living in Senawang, she would come back to Taman Sri Sentosa to see her daughters once in a while. If she didn't come, my parents would drive to Senawang to bring her daughters to see her. Every time when my parents went to her house, my parents would be cleaning and tidying up her house for her. She didn't like to wash the dishes after cooking and eating. Sometimes she left the dirty dishes on the table for weeks until the mold started to become one foot tall. My parents were being compassionate to her and cleaned up the house for her every time.

Her elder daughter, my eldest niece was quite a "naughty" child. She would tell lies and steal money since she was just 6 years old. One day when she was about 9 years old, I found out that my one and only 50 Ringgit note had been missing from my purse. I was sure that I had one piece of 50 Ringgit note in my purse. It was gone...

I knew exactly how much money I had because I didn't have much money left for myself after given most of my money to my family. I was very upset then. I knew that it must be her. I couldn't control my anger. I was thinking that we had been taking care of her but that was what she did to us. "She stole my money that I earn so hard and I didn't even have any extra money left for myself. All my money were for my family... How could she steal the tiny little money that I had..." I got really, really angry. I shouted at her... I told her that I was going to call the police to send her to jail...

At that stage of my life, I was very unhappy due to ignorance, and I was very angry with the situation in my family and I didn't have the wisdom to control my anger and behavior... I was over-powered by ignorance and anger...

At the beginning she didn't want to admit that she had stolen the money. She was famous for her stubbornness. One time, her school teacher punished her for something "bad" that she did in the school. The teacher gave her a stroke of caning on her palm. She didn't retreat her hand, and she didn't cry. The teacher became more furious, she gave her a few more strokes and hit harder each time. She still wouldn't retreat her hand and wouldn't cry. The teacher gave another few more strokes until her palm started bleeding... The teacher stopped.

She came home with the injured palm, swollen and bleeding. My parents found out what had happened to her, and went to the school to complain about it to the school principal. The teacher was sent to another school to teach... The entire school knew about this, and she became famous for her stubbornness.

After a few times of questioning with me shouting at her madly. She went out. And after a few minutes, she came back with some money in a plastic bag. She already spent some of the 50 Ringgit. She hide the money in a plastic bag and placed it under one of the flower pots down stairs.

I was really disappointed. I called my sister who was in Senawang. I told her that she must come right away to take her daughter back with her to Senawang. I didn't want her to live with us anymore. I was such cold hearted, uncompassionate and unforgiving. More than one and a half hours later, my sister came. She said she needed some time to arrange her daughter to go to school in Senawang. I said to her, I could wait for another few days or a few weeks, as long as I didn't want her daughter to live with us anymore. I didn't mind that her younger daughter, my younger niece to continue to stay with us and I didn't mind taking care of her...

My parents were very upset. They loved me very much. They knew that I worked very hard to provide financial support for the family. They didn't want me to be unhappy. They also loved the grandchildren very much. They couldn't bear the pain being separated from their grandchildren. They sympathized my sister that she had to take care the child on her own as she also needed to work. They sympathized my niece that she wouldn't get as much love and care as what they could give to her if she lived with my sister. And so, my parents made a hard decision. My father decided to go to Senawang to live with my sister and her older daughter, his grandchild, to take care of her. And my mom would live with me and take care of the younger daughter, her grandchild. My parents had to live separately since then... And traveled back and forth from KL and Senawang.

Once in a while my mom would drive to Senawang to see my father and the elder grandchild. Sometimes my father would come back to see my mom, his younger grandchild and me, of course... This was going on for some time. Until one day, it was time for my young niece to go to primary school. They decided that the easiest way for everybody, was to send her to school in Senawang as well. And my mom also moved to Senawang to be with my father and their grandchildren.

While living with my sister, my parents also helped her by cleaning up the house, cooking, gardening, washing laundry for everyone, and sending the children to school. And because my parents were living in her house during that time, my sister took it as my parents were living in her house, and my parents should do all the house works, and she didn't need to give any money to my parents for looking after her children. She thought that since my parents were living and eating in her house, that my parents should contribute some money or doing the house works and serving her and her children... I didn't exaggerate about this...

This didn't make sense, right? While her children were living with us, and my parents took care of them, she would give some money to my parents for taking care of the children and for feeding them. But when my parents were doing the same thing for her, but living in her house, and doing more house work, and yet, my parents had to contribute money for being the "servants"... If somebody hired a helper to do some house work, the helper would get to live in the house, be fed and be paid accordingly, and shouldn't be giving money to the employer while not getting paid...

But my parents never treat it as "working" for my sister for taking care of her house and the children, even though my sister took advantage of them to do everything for her... It wasn't a "job" anyway... My parents love their daughter and grand daughters, and willingly to take care of them, and do everything for them, out of love... For my parents, they do everything for us out of love. Family love. Family never calculate how much we give and do not expect anything in return... But somehow their daughter took this love for granted... But yet, they didn't mind at all... I totally understood my parents hearts, what were they thinking and feeling...

I felt that it was unfair to my parents to do so much for my sister but being treated like "free servants", and had to pay for their stay in my sister house for food and accommodation. But, I respect their freedom to do what they wanted to do... They were happy giving all that they could give to my sister. My parents sympathized my sister had lost her husband and had to bring up two young children all by herself... It was very difficult for my sister to work and take care of the children at the same time... I could understand that.

The money that I gave them, they had the freedom on how they wanted to use it... I could not and should not dictate how they should spend their pocket money although it was coming from me... Once I gave away the money, the money didn't belong to me anymore, and it's up to them how they wanted to use it... But, I convinced my parents that they didn't need to tell my sister how much money that I gave them every month knowing that my sister would borrowed off all the money that they had, and spent the money recklessly... They did listen to me. They took the money from me without telling my sister how much I gave them, but they continued to help out my sister's living expenses without letting her knew about it... How great was that family love?!

Sometimes my sister didn't have enough money for shopping for the daily needs, my parents would use their own pocket money to do the shopping without letting my sister know that the petty cash for daily shopping had finished because they didn't want to worried my sister. They treat us as family, not being calculative... This was how much my parents loved us... Gave everything... And not asking for anything in return.

The children didn't respect my parents at all. They shouted at my parents especially my mom after she was paralyzed. My parents loved them so much, took out their own pocket money that I gave them for helping out my sister living expenses. When my sister didn't have enough money to give to the children for their schooling expenses and for pocket money at school, my parents would give away their own pocket money to the children... But they didn't know how to be grateful and thankful... Again my parents didn't mind at all, even though sometimes they complained to me about what happened, and cried...

One time, my parents had finished using the pocket money, and my sister didn't give them money for buying rice and vegetables... My sister wasn't eating at home for a while. She was working another part time job as guest relation officer in a Karaoke night club... My parents didn't want to ask money from me. They didn't want to let me know... They didn't want to ask money from sister as well, because they knew my sister had no money to pay bills, to pay all her installments... They didn't let my sister know that there was no more rice in the house... They were eating dried bread for days, until I passed them their pocket money through my uncle... I had been giving them enough money for their living, but they spent all their money for the grandchild and my sister... And they had to eat dried bread for many days... I felt so sad, so sad for my parents...

Many years had passed by, the elder daughter didn't get any better or wiser... She became worse. She couldn't stop telling lies and stealing. One day she stole her friend's ATM card and took out lots of money from her friend's saving accounts. She bought many dresses, shoes and bags. She came home with all these new things, and told my parents and her mother that she had a rich boyfriend who bought her all these things. Sometimes she also brought something for my sister, my parents, and the younger sister to show that she did care for the family. She was only fourteen years old. My parents and my sister didn't suspect anything...

Until one day, her friend's mother found out that it was her who had been stealing her daughter's money, and came to see my sister and my father, and threatened to call the police. My father panicked. He kneel down and begged to the woman not to call the police. My father was crying. He was afraid that his grandchild would be filed criminals record and would not have a future anymore. It is a huge humiliation for a man to kneel down to a woman and beg for spareness. My sister promised that she would slowly pay her back all the stolen money which was about 4,000 Ringgit. It was a big amount for my sister as she was already having lots of debts. And so, the woman sympathized my sister situation and was moved by my father's love for his grandchild. She accepted the deal...

I believed that my niece wasn't really "bad". She stole partly was because she was frustrated with the unfortunate condition of this family. Always not enough money for food and for living, not to say to have any extra enjoyments. She also wanted to be nice to the family, and to be able to give something back to the family or to help out financially. But she went for the wrong way to get the things that she wanted...

My niece didn't learn from this. She ended up getting pregnant when she was sixteen years old and gave birth to a baby girl. She didn't even know that she was pregnant when her period stopped for 4 months. It was when she felt sick one day and went to the hospital and found out that she was pregnant. She broke up with the baby girl's father not long after the baby was born, and went out with some other men... And now, she is married to a young man, and gave birth to a baby boy early this year...

My sister was quite happy to be a grandmother. So as my parents were very happy to be great grandparents. They loved this great grandchild so much. This baby had brought some joy and smiles into this family while battling with financial problems. After given birth, my niece didn't really know how to take care of a baby. This time, my sister had became the baby's nanny...

Before this great grandchild was born, my mom was already paralyzed from stroke attack. My father and my sister had to take turn to care for her, to bring her to the toilet, to wash her, to clean her, to feed her, to bring her to the hospital and traditional Chinese acupuncture centre for body check ups and treatments for a few times a week... It was not easy.

When the great grandchild was born, it was like a "blessing" to my parents, especially for my mom. She felt so happy seeing her great grandchild. All her sadness from being disabled and being shouted by her exhausted and frustrated husband, daughter and the two grandchildren were gone when she saw this little great grandchild... My mom would cried when she told me about how she was being treated when I was not there... But she would smile when she talked about the great grandchild...

It was December 24th, 2006, after my morning yoga class at home, my sister called me. My mom had passed away in the hospital... The last time when I saw her was a few weeks ago... I told her that she didn't need to worry for us anymore. And she should let go... I also told her that I love her very much as well as my sister and my brothers also love her very much, and I asked her what would she like to do with her funeral... She told me that she wanted to be cremated and the funeral should be held in Kuala Lumpur so that her friends could come to see her for the last time...

I told my sister what our mother had told me... And we did what she wanted us to do...

I went to the hospital with my brothers and sister in law... I saw my mom on the table. She looked so peaceful as she was smiling. I held her hands and rubbed her hands, her arms and her face... I kissed her cheek and forehead... Goodbye, mother... Thank you.

I didn't cry.... Not until a few months later... I started to cry... For all the love that she gave me and to the family... Her sacrifice... Her wisdom... I realized how much I missed her... I had to let her go. But she'll be with me all the times in my heart.

No matter what had happened in the past, who's right, who's wrong, who's suffered most... I wish my family love and peace... Forgive and let go. Forgive ourselves for being imperfect and forgive others for being imperfect...

Life was never easy for me and my family, but I learned to be grateful, thankful and content... I learned to forgive and let go... I learned to be happy no matter what... And love unconditionally...

READ ON...

My life stories - Part 6

2011-11-24T04:25:00.013+08:00

My life stories - Part 6
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

I continued my journey of Yoga and Buddhism after the library finished. Somewhere in the middle of the year 2004, one of my employers from a dance studio where I taught aerobics classes for many years had called me in the afternoon asking me if it was possible for me to teach a an hour yoga class for her due to her yoga teacher couldn’t make it for that evening yoga class. Somehow, I was free that evening even though I should be busy with teaching classes everyday. And so I took the offer thinking that I could earn more money (I still had to support my parents after I came back from the world sports aerobics championship in France). I was never greedy for money but I had to make a living at that time.

In the past I did taught some yoga exercise classes before but not for long. I didn’t have the interest in teaching yoga then. I was more interested in disco music and dancing. That’s why I enjoyed aerobics dance very much. And at the same time, most of the yoga poses were contradicted with the rules and regulations in the fitness teaching industry. Most of the poses were being categorized as dangerous and high risk of injury. I didn’t even think of I will ever be teaching yoga classes one day.

There was a funny situation in Malaysia at about 15 to 25 years ago, where the yoga teachers were criticizing the aerobics exercises were harmful to the body and the aerobics dance teachers were criticizing the yoga poses were promoting physical injuries to the body. There were so many women came to ask me why did the yoga people said that aerobics dance could caused their uterus to drop?! While at the same time, the fitness industry was having some saying that doing yoga exercises could cause serious neck injuries, back problems, knee problems, blindness, stroke and some other side-effects. It was like having a war, one was attacking another and vice versa. I think it is still happening now…

But we cannot compare yoga asana practice with normal aerobics dance exercise, and apply the same rules and regulations for aerobics dance exercise onto yoga asana practice. It’s because they are a complete different type of exercises. Yoga asana exercises is slow, gentle, stillness, in controlled and very mild impact. Aerobics dance exercises is moving, repetitive, “violent”, fast pace and with high impact. And above all, yoga asana practice is beyond the physical body. It is not about training the body to be able to perform complex exercises. It is not about challenging the physical body to go beyond its limitation and become super fit, flexible and strong. But it is using the physical body and the breath as a tool to control our mind, to balance the mind, to purify the mind, to calm the mind, to go beyond the body and the mind, to allow wisdom to arise, to attain peace of mind, to transcend suffering and be liberated…

Yoga asana practice help us to develop self-acceptance. Accept the condition of the physical body as it is from moment to moment. Being aware of impermanence and changes is happening all the time, and able to allow changes to happen and to accept the impermanence as it is. We learn to be open-minded for what our body can do and cannot do. We learn to let go of pre-judgment about what our body can do and cannot do. We stop judging, comparing and expecting. We learn to let go of attachment towards the body and the mind. We learn to let go of craving and aversion. We learn to let go of fear and worry, pride and arrogance.

I honestly told the students in that replacement yoga class about the truth that I was not a trained or certified yoga teacher but I knew some yoga poses that I could guide them as an exercise class. I had no idea what yoga really was and I didn’t know that it was not different from the teachings of Buddhism. I thought that yoga was just some exercises originated from India for promoting good health and beauty (which was not wrong but it’s far beyond promoting good health and beauty). It’s because that was what I understood from the yoga classes that held in the yoga and aerobics dance academy that I worked with more than twenty five years ago. In those 45 minutes yoga classes, they only teach some yoga poses as physical exercise and never talk about any yoga teachings or philosophy at all.

And after teaching that replacement class, the response was very good. Majority of the yoga students requested me to teach once a week of yoga class at that studio. And again I was very honest with them and told them that I was only a qualified aerobics instructor but not a yoga teacher. But they said that they didn’t mind.

And so, I started teaching once a week of yoga class and getting higher pay than from teaching aerobics classes. Initially my intention to teach that yoga class was to earn more money. But very soon this idea was gone.

I realized that there was huge difference between the aerobics students and the yoga students. The energy of the people was different. The atmosphere of the class was very different. It was calm and peaceful in the yoga class and everyone seemed to be happy and nice. And even though I had no idea about the yoga philosophy yet at that time, I could feel the difference every time after I taught the yoga class. I felt calm and relaxed, and not as exhausted at all as after teaching an aerobics class. I felt very warm, meaningful and touched.

One day, one of the students had doubted my qualification and asked me what type of yoga I was teaching and what were the Sanskrit names for the yoga poses and their benefits. I was very honest and told her that I didn’t know what type of yoga was that, maybe it was Hatha yoga as what I heard from the yoga and aerobics dance academy, and I guessed the yoga exercises were for health and beauty since everyone seemed like only interested in health and beauty, and I didn’t know what was Sanskrit.

I wasn’t felt bad being questioned about my qualification because initially I knew I wasn’t a yoga teacher. But that had ignite a strong desire in me to in search for a yoga school and to learn what is yoga. I wanted to teach yoga classes because I thought it was very good, and I wanted to be a responsible yoga teacher. And more important is, I wanted to know what is yoga for myself. Beside teaching one yoga class at that studio, I also conducted a few yoga classes at my own studio, where the response was very good as well. This had encouraged me further to pursue my wish to learn about yoga.

It was September 2004. My sports aerobics mentor cum partner helped me to search through internet for Sivananda ashram in India which was recommended by a yoga teacher in Singapore while I was updating my aerobics skill in one of the famous aerobics fitness club in Singapore. Almost every year I would go there to update myself from attending aerobics classes with many different aerobics instructors. That year, I joined a few yoga classes there which I never did before in the past years. I had never thought that one day I will be teaching yoga or practicing yoga. And I met this particular yoga teacher who gave me the best yoga class at that place. And so I asked her to advice me where should I go to learn yoga. She just gave me a name “Sivananda”, and it’s not even a website address. But that was already helpful enough.

I was not a computer and internet surfing person. I knew nothing about internet. I even didn’t have an email account then. My mentor said that he could help me and searched through internet for Sivananda. He found the website for Sivananda Ashram in Kerala, South India and even printed out the registration form for me. Immediately I filled up the form and sent it with the deposit of 300 USD (which was my entire savings then) to the ashram hoping to get a place for the teacher training course in January 2005. I didn’t worry about how should I get the rest of the money.

For the entire course fee, air ticket and my monthly expenses for supporting my parents and paying my car installment, I need about 15,000 Ringgit to be able to go to India for the teacher training course. My mother was ill then. She had a stroke for the third time and became paralyzed. Every month I gave 1,800 Ringgit to my parents, which was being kept as a secret from my sister, knowing that she might borrowed off all the money that I gave to my parents. Only my uncle knew about this because sometimes I passed the money to him to bring it to my parents who were then living with my sister in another town about an hour drive away from where I was living.

Even though initially I didn’t have enough money for the course but I never asked the Ashram to give me any discount for the course fees, or asked for any special rates. And I didn’t have to worry about it, the money would come to me when I needed it.

My mentor was not just helping my dreams to come true but also he had helped me in the connection with yoga. The first few emails between the ashram and I were going through his email address where he would inform me whenever the ashram sent me an email. For all that he had did for me without asking anything in return, I am always grateful to him. He also looked after me when I was in financial difficult moments where my income from teaching aerobics classes was not enough due to the big expenses to support my family and sometimes my brothers would borrow money from me to help them to have food on the table. During the worst days, I gave all my tiny savings to my brother who had no money for food and I was using the coins (about 200 hundreds Ringgit in total) that I had saved up to get my own food. That 200 Ringgit was the only money I had for the month until I get my pay and money coming in from my aerobics dance studio, and it was enough for my food for one whole month (imagine what type of food could I get in one month for 200 Ringgit).

I decided to end the aerobics dance studio as well. I called my cousin in Singapore and asked him if he could lend me a few thousands Ringgit if I didn’t manage to get enough money when January came. He said he would help me out if I ever need any helps, but turned out that I didn’t have to borrow any money from him at all.

Not long after I made the phone call to my cousin, there were some people started to recommend me to teach yoga and aerobics classes in some other studios. From my usual income about 2,500 Ringgit a month, it increased to in between 6,000 to 7,500 Ringgit for the next 3 months, I had earned the biggest amount of money that I had ever earned before. And so, I managed to save enough money to go to India. It was there in the same course that I met my husband. But there was nothing special happened between us then.

A few weeks after I sent in my registration form, the people in the ashram wrote to me through my mentor’s email address told me that I was being confirmed a place and I was asked to prepare myself by reading Bhagavad Gita. I had no idea what it was and I didn’t know where to get it. A few days later, an Indian woman came for my aerobics classes. I told her my wish to study yoga in India and asked her if she knew anything about the Bhagavad Gita. And she told me that her husband was a direct disciple of Swami Sivananda and he studied the Bhagavad Gita everyday and he would be happy enough to lend me the book.

It was two months before the course. I got that book of Bhagavad Gita commented by Swami Sivananda (published in 1989) which I finished reading it within a few days. It was like a bell rang into my heart. I could naturally understand and connect with the teachings in the Bhagavad Gita and I realized that the philosophy of yoga was not any different from the teachings of Buddhism. It was what I believed in and practicing all the time. What more strange was, after I came back from India, I found the Chinese version of Bhagavad Gita on my book shelf which was given to me about 16 years ago as a present from an ex-aerobics student. I never had any interest at all to pick up that book to read but somehow I still kept it on my book shelf. Then only I realized that the Bhagavad Gita (the essence of yoga) was always with me but I didn’t know about it then. And now, this Chinese version of Bhagavad Gita is with somebody who is at the right time to have it...

After came back from India, I read many of Swami Sivananda books, and they all were strongly connected with my heart. It was like a direct teaching from Swami Sivananda. Again, even though I never met him personally, but I always feel that he is with me all the time. I was really confident in the path of yoga and the faith was so strong and never been less. Some people might criticized that my classes and myself as a person were very hardcore because I deal with the ego directly and talk about non-attachment towards the body and the mind, likes and dislikes, dispassion, detachment, and about letting go of craving and aversion. All these teachings and practice seem to be anti-social and unpractical in the modern world for the worldly minded people.

It really doesn’t matter how other people wanted to judge me or criticize my classes because there were many others benefited from it and I am always learning as I teach. It didn’t make a difference if someone told me that I was good or not good, or the class was good or not good. There are many paths in yoga to suit many people with different temperaments. But at the end, all are going back to one same origin. If some people wanted to do yoga that is easy for the egoistic mind, there’s nothing wrong with that. Enjoy doing the easy yoga, and be happy.

I came back to Malaysia after the yoga teacher training course, finishing my savings but very soon I started teaching classes again free-lancing. I continued to teach aerobics classes and yoga classes but with much better understanding about yoga. The next year February 2006 I went back for the advance teacher training course which was more for our own Sadhana than to teach classes, which was a very good learning process for me. I had developed more understanding in Vedanta and gained incredible faith and believe in yoga during this second time of India trip. Again somehow I managed to save enough money (about 18,000 rm) to go to India for four months this time.

“Coincidentally”, I met my husband again in the same course and we went travelling together in India after the course. This time, something connected between us which made him came to Malaysia to be with me in 2007 and we got married in 2008.

After I came back from the advance teacher training course, I retired from teaching aerobics classes and concentrated on teaching yoga. I realized that aerobics dance is very good for fitness but it didn’t help people to come out from miseries. And yoga is amazingly to be able to give spiritual development and self-transformation, as well as physical health and fitness benefits to all and everyone. I never emphasized on physical ability to perform the yoga asana although myself was quite physically fit. I emphasized on the Vedanta teachings in all the yoga classes. And most of the yoga students continue to practice yoga regularly compare to the irregularity of the students in aerobics classes. And the students lives were changing and they became happier in life and becoming more selfless, open-minded, positive, tolerant, forgiving, accepting, loving and patient. They were developing detachment and letting go. But for the aerobics students, there were many people still being unhappy in life even though they have been doing aerobics for ten or twenty years with me and they have good physics and good health due to the effect of the aerobics exercises.

Teaching yoga is definitely not a job. It is sharing and learning at the same time. It is life. It is unconditional love. It is wisdom. It is namelessness and formlessness in a name and form for us to practice the teachings and to transform ourselves. And we are just an instrument for transmitting the teachings of yoga to share the wisdom with many others.

Before my own self-transformation, I perceived the world as a suffering place and I was very angry and disappointed, feeling meaningless most of the time. But after the transformation, I didn’t see that there is anything so bad or so good about this world. It is just what it is and being what it is. Unhappiness is here, happiness is here too. Hell is here, heaven is here too. They are not somewhere out there in the world. They all are here in our heart, in our mind…

This was the story about how I had changed from teaching aerobics to sharing yoga with all. Everything was already there on the path for me. It was just the question for the right time only. And all these were already the past. Whether it was good or bad experiences, we can’t retain the good experiences nor undo or change the bad experiences. It was just a learning process for us to become selfless and compassionate.

When we know what is yoga, it is not important that whether we know the Sanskrit name of the yoga poses or not, or whether we have attained some sort of qualifications and certifications from any affiliated yoga school or not. It is because all these cannot guarantee nor determine whether we know about yoga or not? whether we are practicing yoga or not? whether we can teach yoga or not? and whether we will be liberated from suffering. It is all about compassion and selflessness, dispassion and discrimination of what is real and unreal, eliminating the ego and conquering our own mind, and be free from all kinds of attachments, impurities, fear and worry, pride and arrogance.

It is about Self-inquiry to know who we really are. It is about not attach to the body and the mind. It is about undisturbed nor affected by whatever the mind perceives through the senses, and remain equanimous and at peace.

No matter we went to a yoga school or not, whether we know Sanskrit or not, whether we are a certified yoga teacher or not, everyone and anyone also can practice yoga, and share the wisdom of yoga and its practice with anybody, and be free from being conditioned by our own mind, and be liberated.

Om shanti.

Read on...

My life stories - Part 5

2011-11-24T04:12:00.007+08:00

My life stories - Part 5
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

Since I was a little girl as I can remember, I always liked to stretch my body in different kinds of body positions. Whenever I felt tired or whenever some parts of my body was in tightness or soreness, I would stretch my body until the discomforts went away. I didn’t know that those stretches were related to yoga poses then. I wasn’t exposed to any yoga teachings or yoga poses until I took up the aerobics instructor course at the yoga and aerobics dance academy when I was fifteen years old. But the yoga classes there, was only doing some yoga poses as fitness exercise classes, and the teacher didn’t talk about yoga philosophy at all. I also didn’t know what was Buddhism then.

It all started when I came to experience disappointment, anger, hatred, frustration and unhappiness in my life when I was about twelve years old. I started to look for a way out from unhappiness and in searched for the meaning of life after being depressed and frustrated for a few years. I guess some people are the same like me. We will think about how to transcend suffering only when we suffer extreme painful sorrow and disappointment. Everyone is looking for happiness and don’t want to have unhappiness. And we tend to get lost and confused while trying to live a good life or a better life but always ended up getting more frustration, disappointment, angry, upset, depression and dissatisfaction.

My family was like most Chinese people who pray to some ancient Chinese gods and having an altar at home for offering incense, light, flowers, water and food to the gods and our ancestors. Most of us pray to a “god” called Goddess Of Mercy. We had no idea that this “god” was actually the great compassionate Bodhisattva Guan Yin Pu Xa, who was an enlightened being in the teachings of Buddhism. We didn’t know what was Buddhism, its philosophy and its practice. We prayed to different gods only asking for protection and blessing from them. We didn’t know what was Karma, cause and effect or the path of self-transformation.

I remember that every time whenever I saw an image or statue of god, I would bow to it and pay respect to the god. I was taught by my parents to do so. They said that god will protect us from harm and bless us with good fortune. I wasn’t greed for those things because I didn’t have strong desire for material things in life. But I remember I felt a very strong connection with gods and spiritual beings, and I believed in these gods and spiritual beings that they were good beings and they were my friends and protectors. And I would put my palms together and bow to them to say thank you to them for looking after me and my family.

When I was little, every time when someone ask what was my religion, I would say it’s Buddhism, because I am Chinese! I thought that all Chinese are Buddhist, all Indians are Hindu and all Malays are Muslim. Hee…hee…hee… Such ignorant was I. Someone must had told me that I am a Buddhist because I am a Chinese. That was my incorrect understanding before I really knew what was Buddhism and what was a religion.

I heard about the word “cultivation”, which my family and I didn’t understand what did it means, when my mother mentioned it to me after she accompanied my sister and brother in law to see a medium asking for help. Their live had came to a critical point where they were going through really bad or heavy karma according to Buddhism. That was a year just before my brother in law died in a horrible work accident. The medium said that he couldn’t read my brother in law’s palms to read his destiny and said that his palms and his face were covered with dark energy that he would be dead very soon.

The medium told them that they had to “cultivate” good actions in order to change their luck and to try to save my brother in law’s live. But they have no idea at all about what did the word “cultivation” mean. At the end, my brother in law didn’t make any efforts to “cultivate” and he couldn’t change his destiny. He fell from 130 feet high during a short contract work. His entire bone structures were smashed into tiny pieces. No one knew what really happened. He seemed to be alone when he fell. He was working for a two months contract with that company and it was his last few days of work.

My brother in law was a man who liked to hunt and drinks a lots. He even fed his children with beer when they were just a few months old. He always fought with other men and never had a job that would last longer than three months because he would argued and fought with the boss and threatened to kill the boss with his hunting knife or hunting gun.

He would cane his daughter when she was just a few months old because she was crying. One time he slapped her face because she was crying in the car and it caused one side of her ear went deaf and her jaw was deformed causing her mouth tilted to one side whenever she talks. My sister and him always argued over financial issues and he would threw things in their house and damaged lots of things at my parents house too.

They always came to my parents asking for money to help out their financial difficult moments. And due to my parents wanted to help them to get some money to start a business, my mother had started a villagers financial scheme which was very popular among the Chinese community where some of the villagers would gather and contribute a fixed amount of money every month for one or two years term. Then whoever in need of money would bid for it every once in a month. This was actually an illegal activity, but it could help out some people who were in need of money. They supposed to pay back every month little by little. Everybody should pay back what they had taken. Somehow, many of the people who had already bid for the money didn’t want to pay back the money. And so, my mother had to take out money from my parents tiny income every month to cover up the missing money.

My parents were honest and kind people. They couldn’t report to the police to take action because it was an illegal activity. And all these people were my parents long time friends and neighbours who claimed that they had no money to pay back after taking other people’s contribution. My parents were very responsible people and they were compassionate towards the other people who had been contributing money every month but still had not yet bid for collecting the money. And so, my family had came to a financial difficult situation where all the income from my father’s monthly salary (about 1,400 Ringgit a month) had went to cover up the missing money. It was a lot of money for us at that time, and this situation was continuing for two years. My sister was in financial problem. My elder brother was working in a mould engineering company and had a very low salary which he gave all of it to my parents to help out our daily living expenses.

My second elder brother and I were still in school. The two of us were very disturbed by our family situation, and felt very upset, angry and rebellious because we thought that we were being victimized and were caught up in a situation that caused by some other greedy and ignorant selfish people. My parents were very compassionate and forgiving. They didn’t save hatred towards those people who had “took” our money and “left” us in financial crisis. Especially my mother, she passed away in the end of the year 2006 in peacefulness. She looked like she was smiling and looked so peaceful. She always told me that it was okay for other people to be in debt with us but we ourselves never want to be in debt with anyone.

It was also during our family financial crisis I went into depression and I didn’t want to talk to my family and I secluded myself away from friends and people. I was full of anger and hatred. But I’m glad that during those difficult moments I didn’t do anything stupid to ruin my life that I will regret for the rest of my life. During that period of time, Madonna and Buddhism had came into my life, when I needed them most. One was there to encourage me to have hopes and dreams and never give up. The biggest inspiration from Madonna was from watching her video of Virgin Tour. And the other one (Buddhism) was there to teach me how to change the conditions of my life and have control over my own fate and destiny, and to know what is true happiness and how to attain it.

During that emotional disturbed time, my school studies started to decline dramatically. I started teaching aerobics then and I decided to leave school before I finished the final year. I had never regret about that decision. I am happy and contented with what I have experienced and learned in life so far. I am glad and grateful for what I am doing now, which is the most meaningful thing in my life existence. I realized that in our schools, no body teach us how to be happy in life. They only teach us how to read and write, how to get a job, how to earn money, how to be successful in life, where all these things are nothing to do with whether we will be peaceful and will attain true happiness or not.

While I was teaching aerobics dance exercise in my own aerobics dance studio when I was eighteen years old, I came to know a wonderful lady who came to attend my aerobics dance classes. She was a sincere Buddhist and a few years later she started a Buddhist library in her house somewhere near our flat in Taman Sri Sentosa. She helped many people who had came to her for help in many ways especially after she had the Buddhist library.

She told me that the Buddhist library will be finished one day soon and it didn’t matter that there were thousands of people came to her for help or at the end there would be nobody coming to the Buddhist library anymore. During that time, she had helped my entire family. My parents, my elder brother and his wife and myself had volunteered to help out in the Buddhist library. Twice a month on the new moon day and the full moon day, we would help her to prepare vegetarian meal for the people who came to the library and I also helped her by being the emcee as well as the cassette player controller for the chanting session after the vegetarian meal.

That was how I started to become a “part time” vegetarian (a few days of eating vegetarian in a month). And during some other days, my mother and my brother sent her to different places with our car to help the people who were in painful suffering or to get the things for the library. I was also helping to wrap the dhamma books and arrange them onto the book shelves. I read many dhamma books from there and I came across some dhamma books written by Ajahn Chah. He was a great teacher to me in my heart just liked Buddha and all the saints and sages in the past, even though I had not the chance to meet them personally in this life time, but it really doesn’t matter because I never feel separated from them. They were always with me.

I also helped to record chanting session into cassette tapes to distribute among the people who joined us for the chanting session, so that they can have chanting session at home everyday. I was also duplicating many dhamma and chanting cassettes for free distributions to many people. I remember there were a few cassette players were broken down due to the mass production of cassettes duplications.

Somehow during the time my family was helping in the Buddhist library, I was also helping her to translate some Chinese dhamma into English for the people who are not Chinese educated, even though my English was very limited. I remember the translation that I did was about the six fold path of the Bodhisattva. Since then, without any intentions, I started to write about dhamma in Chinese which came from my heart everyday for almost a year. I had no intention to write anything but it just came naturally. One day she found out what I had been doing and she asked me to read to her about what I wrote. And then she asked me to give dhamma talks on what I wrote, after each chanting session. These experiences in the Buddhist library was another great learning process and self-transformation for me.

For a few years the Buddhist Library organized visiting trips to different old folks homes and orphanages. Seeing the sick and lonely people in the old folks home and orphanage was another touching experience for me to cultivate compassion. Anyone who always complain a lot about life, feel meaningless and being unhappy, they should go visit as many old folks homes and orphanages as possible and be a volunteer in these places. It will change their point of views about life and how they feel about themselves.

After a few years the library had been operating, her prediction came true. The library closed down due to karmic reason. Everybody deserted her and condemned her. I continued to respect her because I knew she did nothing wrong and all her works were selfless dhamma work and she knew what she was doing and she forgave and accept everyone with her great compassionate heart.

After the library stopped operating, many people came to me trying to speak bad about her, I just gave them a smile and did not get involved in any of the gossips and censures. All these people came to her when they needed help and comfort in the past. She gave dhamma, money, food, clothing, books and shelter for these people. She gave comfort and dhamma to many people when they were in mental and emotional crisis. She encountered with evil spirits in her meditation while trying to help people who were being disturbed by evil spirits and caused herself painful illness and suffering onto her own body. I knew all these because I was really closed to her and understood what was happening. Since then, she retreat at home to continue her works in another form and moves on in the great compassionate path of Bodhisattva.

I haven’t seen her for years since I moved out from Taman Sri Sentosa after my husband came to Malaysia to be with me. Maybe she still alive, maybe not. But that’s not important at all for a being like her that there is no more differences between birth and death towards this physical body...

Read on...

My life stories - Part 4

2011-11-24T01:53:00.012+08:00

My life stories - Part 4
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

I rarely desired for having any material things and enjoyments. Maybe because I grew up in a simple family and I was being grateful and contented with everything as it is and not being greedy. And if I ever made a wish, it would come true for me.

When I was twenty five years old, somebody told me that my thoughts and my speech is very powerful, I need to be careful for what I wish for, that I should only have good wishes and not to have any bad thoughts for other people. It was not something that I believe or not. But I knew there is some truth about my wishes will come true.

Since I was a little girl, many times when I felt something (good or bad energy of a person or a place) or thought of something (whether good or bad thoughts), it did come true. And I really didn’t want to hurt anyone intentionally, I tried to control my anger in the mind when I experienced anything that was upsetting. There were times that I was over-powered by the anger and hatred in my mind and I had bad wishes for the people that I was angry with… Anyway, later I realized my wrong doings, and decided to have self-control and free myself from bad thoughts…

When I came in contact with Buddhism teachings, I believe that everything happens according to their related karmic causes. No one can interfere with other people’s karma, and create good or bad karma for other people. We all are the creator for our own karma and our own fate. The thoughts or visions that I had were only some predictions about what is going to happen. It was like something is there to acknowledge me, to protect me, to guide me, to prevent me from getting into troubles.

The happenings around me whether they were good or bad, they were meant to happen due to the law of karma – cause and effect. And I was just being able to feel or “know before it happens” by having visions and feelings about them before they actually happened. But all these happenings didn’t cause by me. Knowing this, I had stopped blaming myself for other people’s unfortunate or bad happenings. It’s because during the time when I was depressed and angry, I had cursed many people with bad wishes intentionally, full of anger and hatred. And usually all my “wishes” would come true. Which made me later feeling guilty for having bad wishes or bad thoughts towards other people and caused “bad luck” for other people. I also had visions or feelings about something good that was going to happen, and they did come true.

All these past experiences are already gone. I forgave myself for being “evil”, and I let go of the past and move on. Whether I had intentionally induced suffering onto some people’s life or not, it was already the past. I cannot go back to the past to undo anything. If there will be some karma come back to me due to my past actions, I will accept all the karma as it is and take responsibility for the consequences of my own actions if I really was the one who should be responsible for somebody’s painful sorrow.

Later on, I realized that even though I thought that I was the one who was responsible for inducing somebody’s unhappiness because of my “curse” onto them, it was also part of their karma to experience such unhappiness and I was just happened to be the instrument. Most important was that I realized my wrong doings in the past and I truly repent. I forgave myself for hurting others intentionally or unintentionally, in actions or in speech or both. I forgave those who had hurt me intentionally or unintentionally, and let go of the past and move on with better and clearer understanding, awareness and self-control.

I found out that even though I knew many things that were going to happen before they actually happened, I couldn’t change anything at all. I couldn’t stop things from happening. I couldn’t change other people’s karma. I knew that my mother was going to suffer stroke attack. I dreamed about her with her face half paralyzed about one week before it actually happened. I felt some strong bad feelings about my father when he was actually encountering a work accident at the same time. I felt some bad feelings about my sister, my late brother in law, and my brother when there were some “bad” things happened to them.

As soon as my brother came home to tell us that he was going into partnership with some friends for business, I knew that he would get into troubles. He did…

I knew that my brother in law was going to bring unhappiness or “bad luck” or suffering into our family. I told my parents about my feelings when I first saw him when my sister brought him back to our home to introduce him to us. I was eleven years old back then. My parents ignored me. I think it was because I was just a child and they thought that I was just talking nonsense. But afterwards, they realized that I was right. Some times I could feel about people I saw on the streets as well. Many times when I thought of something or felt something, it would be materialized.

I had a sudden image of a Walkman in my mind one day when I was at school in the classroom. When I reach home that evening, my mom gave me a Walkman. She said she had bought it for my brother as a birthday gift but my brother didn’t want it because it was not the type of Walkman that he wanted. And so, it was given to me…

We seldom went out to restaurant for meals. One time I had a desire that I wanted to eat seafood which was quite expensive for our family to have seafood on the table. And a few days later, my uncle had invited us for a delicious seafood dinner in a restaurant.

I had visions about thieves coming into my aerobics studio just the night a few hours before it actually happened. It helped me to prevent myself from loss of money or injury. Just about two weeks before it happened, out of intuition, I asked my mother to bring home the cash that we usually kept in the studio. And usually I would sleep in the studio and not going home, but I started to go home to sleep just a few weeks before that break in. And on that night of the break in, I saw shadows or images of people in the studio and in the stairway when I was leaving the studio.

The next morning when I arrived at the studio, many policemen were already there and they told me that my studio and the office downstairs had been broken into. They asked me to see if I’d lost anything valuable. Nothing… It was just a mess everywhere when the burglars searched for valuables, but they didn’t take anything because there is nothing seemed valuable for them. And they didn’t damage anything in my studio beside broken the door-lock to come in. The policemen said that I was very lucky, because the office downstairs had lost a lot of cash and valuables.

By having this “sixth sense” or intuition, I could change my own karma. I would “know” before hand about something good or bad was going to happen. If these happenings were about myself, I had prevented many bad happenings onto myself. But if it was about some other people (such like my parents, or my sister and brothers, or my friends and the people on the street that I saw or passing by), I could only know but I couldn’t change their karma, unless they wanted to help themselves and did something about it to make changes.

One day, I felt that all these visions and predictions were actually given me more disturbance than to bring me and other people benefits. I didn’t know how to deal with this sixth sense or power of wish at that time. I could feel somebody’s feelings and energy easily, and be disturbed by it. I could have visions about things that going to happen. This had been disturbing me and when I told my friends about my visions about what was going to happen to them, they ignored me and pushed me away. And when things really happened, they thought that it had got something to do with me, and afraid to be friend with me anymore. They thought that I was weird and evil.

I also realized that I wasn’t pure. I had lots of anger and hatred. I really didn’t want to hurt anybody with my anger and bad wishes whenever I was angry and deluded. And so, I had wished for this wishes come true “thing” to go away. Especially for that time being when I was not pure and had no strong self-control. The visions and feelings started to become less. But I continue to have feelings about places and people’s good and bad energy. Such like I felt dizzy and heaviness on my forehead when I was at a place full of dark energy.

Another thing is, I could control my dream when I was little. I knew that I was dreaming in my dream. I could control what I wanted to dream about. I could repeat what I want to dream on the next day. I could have part one tonight, and continued my dream on part two tomorrow and so on. I could change the format or the storyline of my dream. I could remember my dream clearly when I woke up. Maybe I liked to play with my dreams when I was little, but I don’t bother about what I dream now. I stopped playing with my dreams when I went through the depression stage in my life, although I still maintain some awareness in my dreams until now.

I did have some dreams or ambitions when I was a little girl just like everybody else. I wanted to dance and sing and perform on stage in front of the world. I wished to be qualified to compete in International level dance competition. I wished to be a dancing queen. I wished to be a National champion at least once in my life time. I wished to travel to many places in the world especially France. I wished to live in the country side near the beach. I wished to be happy. And it all came true one by one…

My “luck” in competing in any types of competition was not good. I would play games and won every time if it was just for fun and not in a formal competition. I would get an A+ for singing but was never being chosen for representing my class in school singing competition. Maybe because I was nervous during competition or interview. But it doesn’t matter. I didn’t mind about win or loose. I was just very passionate about performing on stage, and I strive my best in whatever I was doing.

Competitions are of two types. One is very professional with good judges and fair judgment where you will win if you are the best. Another type is non-professional competition with unfair judgment, buyer judges, and lots of things are going on behind the competition where you may not win even though “technically” you are the best.

I was around fifteen years old when I started to enter many dance competitions even though I had not went through any formal dance training in dancing school, due to my family financial problems. I didn’t do very well at the beginning but due to my “inborn talent” of music and dancing, I did get some attention and support from the audience. Until I went for the aerobics instructor course and worked for that yoga and aerobics dance academy, I got some experiences in stage performances and won a few prizes in national aerobics dance competition from second place to forth place but I was never once the champion. Again I was not disappointed about that. I was really enjoying myself performing on the stage. All these experiences were from 1985 – 1989. After that I didn’t enter any competitions until 1993.

It was the first official national aerobics championship organized by Reebok Malaysia in 1993. I came fifth place. Technically I wasn’t good enough, because I didn’t have the technical skill and have no good choreography even though I was flexible, rhythmic, and good in dancing but I was not very good in aerobics dance that requires strength, speed and power. I didn’t have all these things then. My performance in that competition had drew the attention of the fitness affiliate of Reebok Malaysia.

I needed a coach to improve in all the aspects for aerobics dance choreography. I stopped competing after that Reebok competition due to huge responsibility to support my parents financially.

Until 1998 some where in March, I participated in the aerobics marathon championship in a big shopping center where there were about forty participants. It didn’t require any choreography but based on stamina, strength, flexibility and performance. It was easy. And so I won… For the first time I tasted the feeling of becoming a champion even though it is not an official national event. But it didn’t make me arrogant. But it was the beginning of the change of my luck. There was an astrologer told my mom that I will never have the “luck” to be a champion.

On that same day, a few professional aerobics instructors cum national champions were having performances at the national stadium. Both of our events were reported in the news paper on the same page the next day. I had no idea that I would have a great affinity with these national champions later on.

A few months later, the Reebok Malaysia fitness affiliate called me one day. She told me that a few people were training for the upcoming First National Sports Aerobics Championship in the national gymnastic federation training center in Cheras. She asked me if I would be interested to join them. Yes! Without any hesitation, I answered. I knew it was an opportunity for me to pursue my dreams. And she gave me the contact details and since then I started my sports aerobics training with my mentor cum good friend.

He was the one who had helped me for my dream came true – representing Malaysia on the stage of world championship in 2002, and won the Malaysian Open Championship one month later. Usually anyone has to become a national champion then only he or she can represent the country for world championship, but in my case was the other way round. Strange, isn’t it? Without him, I wouldn’t had the chance to represent Malaysia and qualified for world championship. I have to admit that I wasn’t skillfully good enough. It all happened because it was my karma to be there and I was blessed to have my dream came true. When I won the National champion, it was mainly due to good luck beside I did have to work very hard on training for six days a week, three hours a day for one whole year.

Back to the training with these people for a few months. Not many people participated in this first sports aerobics competition in Malaysia. Only five of us. As usual, I came forth. I was happy enough for my performance – it was better than before. I really didn’t care so much about the placing. I learned how to do proper push up and improved my overall strength and choreography even though it was still not good enough for competitive competition. What matter most was there was improvement and I really enjoy the training and the performing experience on stage. I would love to continue training in sports aerobics after the competition. But again my responsibility towards my family had been a huge burden for me. And so, I stopped training with them.

I was helping in a Buddhist library then. Somehow I had started giving dhamma talk to the people who came to the library for twice a month. And during one of the talk, I had made a resolution in front of the people who came to listen to the dhamma talk that I wished to be a Malaysian champion one day and qualified myself for world championship within the next five years. I had made a wish.

In the year 2000, my mentor went to Australia for further study. We all thought that it was finished for us in sports aerobics. I was already thirty years old. I thought that I was too old for any more training and competition as sports aerobics is really tough and requires a lot of physical fitness training. I thought I had to let go of my dream to be a champion. I stopped thinking about it since then.

During that few years, my family financial problem continued to troubling me and I didn’t have the focus and time for the disciplinary training for competition. I also didn’t have the money for participating in competition. We had to spend quite a lot of money for the costume. For the world championship, we have to be self-support for the flight ticket, food and accommodation expenses. We didn’t get any cash sponsorship, except some products from Reebok. Thanks to Reebok, I could have the training shoe for competition for free.

And so, I was busy with teaching aerobics classes and continued to give all the money that I earned to my family.

One day in the year 2001, I got a phone call from my mentor. He was back from Australia. He said to me that he wanted to retire from sports aerobics but would like to coach me if I am interested to continue training for the upcoming national championship. Well, Yes! Of course… It was my last opportunity to have my dream comes true.

And we started training again. It was so hard at the beginning. I had not did any training for a long time. Sports aerobics is very different from normal aerobic exercises. It needs lots of strength and speed. It has some obligatory skills requirement. But I was determined. We started training at my studio for a few days a week, for a few hours a day and slowly we increased the training to six days a week. At the beginning, our initial idea was he coached me, and I would enter the female individual category. And so, for the first two months I was doing all the strength and flexibility training under his coaching and we both choreographed the routine with the song that I chose, “It’s Raining Man”. At the same time I always felt that he was so talented and he shouldn’t give up competing at his age. He was still strong and flexible. He was the best in Malaysia for many years. He was Malaysian champion for many consecutive years and had achieved good result in world championship.

And so, I suggested to him that he does the training with me together to keep himself fit and to motivate me to work harder. He agreed. And when we did the routine together, we saw that actually it was much nicer when we do it as a partner routine than a single routine. I managed to persuade and convince him to cancel his idea of retiring and to partner with me in that routine to enter the mix pair category rather than the individual category. And so, we worked together for many months thinking that there would be a national championship coming up… But it didn’t happen.

Just a few months before the world championship in June 2002, we were told that the national championship was canceled due to no sponsorship. But due to he was Malaysian champion for many years consecutively, he was eligible to represent Malaysia without the need of going through national championship if there isn’t one. So he suggested that we should continue practice to enter the world championship. That’s how I was able to represent Malaysia and participated in the world championship. I didn’t even need to be a Malaysian champion to do that. I owed it to him. And I also suggested to him, since we were going for the world championship, he should prepare himself for individual category as well. And he agreed. We continued our training with our best effort.

Anyhow, the training wasn’t going smoothly all the time. I suffered injuries a few times. But I didn’t give up. Some other friends had came to assist us in the training. And they gave me lots of pressure telling me that I need to be good enough for partnering with him and I need to be good enough for Malaysia. And so, I worked really hard. At the beginning, I could only do maximum ten military push ups. But by the end of my training, I could do 50 push ups easily.

Just about two months before the world championship, one of his best friend who was also a Malaysian champion before, told him that I wasn’t good enough for him and would pull him down from his level, and he should just concentrate on his own individual category. He came to tell me about that and asked me do I want to pull out?. I was very disappointed and angry. But I kept my emotion down and I told him, “No”. I wanted to continue after so many months of training and it was only two more months to go. I was ready to worked harder. And so, we continued our training together.

At the beginning, when we decided to go for the world championship in France, I really didn’t have any savings. I need about eight thousands Ringgit Malaysia for the entire trip. Somehow, I didn’t have to support my parents anymore for a few months. My sister had received some money from the insurance for my late brother in-law death from an accident at work about ten years ago. He fell down from 130 feet high and died immediately with all his bones crashed to pieces (Actually just two days before his death, I saw his face was covered in black “clouds” that I couldn’t see his face at all. I didn’t mention anything about it to my family until after he died from the work accident). And since my sister had the insurance money, I was dismissed from giving all my money to my parents, and I could save enough money for the trip. After I came back from France, I have to continue to support my parents living, because my sister had spent all the money within a few months because she had a lot of debts in the past and continues to accumulate debts with banks.

The world competition day was getting closer. We finally finished our full routine in one piece. When we practiced, we didn’t do the whole routine every time. We did it part by part. Keep practicing one part until we were good at that particular part, then we would add another part into it. Imagine we had to listening to one part of the song repeatedly again and again…

We arrived at the competition venue one day ahead of the competition and we did our practice with many other contestants from many other countries. Everyone was a champion there except me. But I wasn’t nervous or scare at all. I was very confident. The other contestants saw our routine and were very kind to inform us that part of our routine need to be changed because it was against the rules. Yak….

It didn’t stop us anyway. Immediately we thought of some other steps and practiced it by hard. We practiced until late night until we were confident of the new steps. And the next morning, we were ready. Just before they called our names, we told each other, no matter what happens, just keep going and do our best, and enjoy… As soon as I walked onto the stage seeing so many people in the stadium with many judges in front of the stage, with many spot lights heading towards us, I spoke to myself in the heart, my dream came true. There was nothing to be afraid of. Just do my best and enjoy…

In the middle of our routine, one of his shoes accidentally came off which caused some points deduction. But it really didn’t matter. We didn’t panic and continued our routine. At the beginning, not many people noticed that his shoe was on the stage because we didn’t stop or made any mistakes or expression. We were very natural like nothing happened. But not long, everyone started talking about it, and all the people in the whole stadium stood up and paid full attention onto us. They cheered for us and clapped to support us. We were so thrilled and so touched by the supports from the entire crowd in the stadium. We could hear all those cheers and claps. We danced more energetically. We finished the routine with the loudest applause. We came tenth place out of thirteen teams. But we were very happy and satisfied with our performance even though an unexpected “accident” happened. I didn’t blamed him at all. How could I? And he said that it was his most enjoyable and memorable performance.

After the competition finished, we drove around the southern part of France and visited many beautiful places. For me, I had never been to anywhere out of Malaysia except Singapore. That was my first time flying in an airplane as well. I was never able to afford such traveling until then. And it was my childhood dream to be in France. I had two dreams came true together.

After two weeks of traveling in France, we came back to Malaysia. On the next day, my mentor called me and told me that there was a national open championship coming up in one month time in Sibu, Sarawak, East Malaysia. Since I had been training regularly, I should keep it up and enter that competition as well. Why not? I had not become a Malaysian champion yet. But this time, I was really confident and without any pressure from anyone. I did need to make some changes to the routine because in that competition, it has different rules. But it was not a problem at all. My mentor continued to help me in changing the routine. I prepared myself for my next dream to come true.

In that competition, I supposed to have a strong competitor, a guy who was many times champion for that particular championship. He was technically stronger than I. Somehow just a week before the competition, he injured his wrist during training. And so, he pulled out. What can I say? It was my “luck” to win in that competition. It was my karma to be a champion on that day. It was a blessing from God. A gift from the universe to convinced me that my wishes and dreams can come true . All I need to do is, believe. I can change my fate and have control of my own destiny. I wasn’t the best one, honestly, although I did give my best effort and I did work very hard for all the trainings. But things will happen naturally if it supposed to happen. And I did… I was presented the Malaysian champion title for that year, right after I came back from representing Malaysia in the world championship “accidentally”.

Thanks to my mentor, thanks to everyone who had involved in this great adventure of making my dreams came true. May all of your dreams come true as well.

To have our wishes come true, we need to purify our heart first. Have love and peace in our heart, be generous towards other beings. Have good will and good thoughts for all beings. Have patience and be forgiving. Then all our wishes will come true.

I wanted to live in the country side but somewhere near the beach as well. Here I am now teaching yoga in a wooden Malay house surrounded by nature, and live in a simple but comfortable house just about 10 minutes walk away from the beach.

I wanted to be happy, and I am happy.

I didn’t earn much money and live in a very basic simple living condition, but whenever I need money for something, the money will come to me…

I had a funny feeling (prediction) since I was a little girl. I believed that my future husband or life partner will be two years older than me and I always felt that he was somewhere faraway from where I was. And it’s so true. My husband is two years older than me and he is from Ireland, exactly on the other side of the world faraway from Malaysia. And it was meant to be for us to meet each other in India in an Ashram while studying yoga in the same course at the same time.

This is our 2 minutes sports aerobics routine "It's raining men"

Read on...

My life stories - Part 3

2011-11-24T01:08:00.008+08:00

My life stories - Part 3
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

It was always my dream to be a dancer and singer. Every year when the school gave us a form to fill in and to update our particulars, there was a column to fill in our ambitions. We could write down three ambitions (why 3? I have no idea. Maybe in case one didn’t work out, we still have two other options to strive for…). This was what I wrote every year – dancer, singer, police.

Kampung Pinang was finished in 1986. All the houses were bulldozer down to pieces by the property developer people and was replaced with high rise low cost flats, apartments and condominiums in concrete. We were relocated to an area called Pantai Dalam, where each family were given a unit of the long house (with only one small living and dining hall, a small kitchen and very small bathroom and toilet, and one medium size bedroom which we converted it into two small size bedrooms) built by the developer to put us in for temporary before we moved back to the new concrete flats (which we need to buy from the developer) in “Kampung Pinang” which they changed the name to Taman Sri Sentosa.

There were 10 units within each block of the long house. My parents were given one unit and my sister who was already married then also was given one unit next to ours. There were about 80 to 90 blocks of long houses as I can remember. We spent one and a half years living there. Many years later after we moved out from there, We heard some of the long houses were gone after a big fire broke out.

One day when we were living in the long house, our Malaysian TV station was showing an inspiring concert show – Madonna Virgin Tour. I had recorded it into a video tape. Everyday I played that video again and again, imitating Madonna in her Virgin Tour concert, wanted to learn to sing all her songs and dance like her. I was about fourteen years old when I first saw Madonna and heard her songs in television programs. Somehow I thought she was very positive and energetic, and she gave me strong inspiration to become a successful performer. In fact she was my life changer.

Maybe she had a bad reputation or having “bad girl” image in our conservative society, but she inspired me to move on my life with hopes and dreams during the time I encountered difficult moments while I was a teenager. In those days, conservative Chinese people would condemned us if we imitate Madonna’s moves and personality. I was inspired by Madonna to change the condition of my unhappy teenager life experiences. She was the biggest motivator for me to strive to be a better person, and to have a better living condition. I never saw her in person, and she didn’t know me, but she saved my life…

I started to choreograph my own dance moves and had entered many dance competitions held in shopping complexes even though I didn’t go through any proper training in dancing schools. My family financial problems didn’t allow me to go to a dancing school to learn dancing. My intention was not to win, but I enjoyed dancing and performing on stage very much and I aspired to be a dance champion for once in my life one day. My dream did come true later in life even though it was not really a dance competition but I ended up doing sports aerobics competition which required much more effort, skill, intensity and discipline.

If I hadn’t been through those hardships and unhappiness while I was a teenager, I think I won’t be here today doing what I am doing. It would be a complete different life style and perception of life. It was because I had experienced anger, hatred, and depression about what happened in our family, I wanted to know about life and the truth of life existence, and why were we suffering even though we had been good and kind to others?

In fact, it is a great experience for anybody to experience painful sorrow and suffering, to understand what is suffering and why do we suffer? And that experience of suffering will motivate us to find out how to transcend suffering. This brings us to the path for self-transformation and self-realization. If I always have an easy life and be in good condition, being happy all the time, I think I wouldn’t be thinking about these questions and I won’t know how other people feel when they suffer from anger, hatred, depression and painful sorrow.

One day I came across a Buddhism dhamma book called “Our fate Is In Our Own Control” which talked about how we can change our destiny and control our own life. It was like Madonna, another life changer for me.

I was so tired for being depressed and angry all the time. I asked myself, “why do I have to live my life in sadness and full of anger and hatred? I don’t have to, and I don’t want to…” I believed that I have the rights to choose to be happy or unhappy. I didn’t want to continue living in sadness, anger and hatred. I wanted to change my life. I wanted to change myself, my thinking and how I feel. It was so meaningless and tired feeling sad and angry all the time.

After I read that book, immediately I made a firm resolution that I wanted to come out from miseries, to free myself from anger, hatred and depression.

The dhamma taught me to be self-reliant and to have self-control, to stop having evil and negative intentions, thoughts, actions and speech, to do good and have kind and positive intentions, thoughts, actions and speech. It taught me to have patience, compassion, forbearance, forgiveness, acceptance, cheerfulness and letting go. It taught me to endure uncomfortable conditions and emotions. It taught me to have gratitude and appreciation for the little good things that I have and not complain about happenings that were not according to what I want or what I like. There is nobody can help me but myself.

I decided to go to a dancing school to learn proper dance skill and to pursue my dream to be a professional dancer. I told my parents about my wish. They were very supportive. We went looking for good dancing school around Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya. Somehow, I ended up in a Yoga and Aerobics Dance Academy in PJ where the principal told me that I was very talented and encouraged me to take up the aerobics dance instructor course with her. The course cost 600 Ringgit Malaysia. We were having financial difficult moments but my brother would shared part of his salary from that month for the course fee and the rest of the salary went for helping the family daily expenses. And so, I took up the course and started teaching aerobics dance classes and some yoga classes, even before I finished the aerobics instructor course.

The principal employed me as her assistant and I did many show performances for the company as well. She paid me very little wages every month (200 rm when I worked from 5.30pm – 9.30pm everyday 5 days a week, and 400 rm when I worked from 8.30am – 9.30pm everyday 7 days a week) for teaching classes, administrative works, cleaning the entire studio inside and outside, feeding her dog and doing all the dinner and shopping malls dance shows. I worked for her for two and a half years. I finally gave up working for her, because I realized that she was just taking advantage of me.

My mom would use her van to help my lady boss to send the other dancers to where we did the dance shows and then sent the dancers back to their home after the shows. She made lots of money from dance shows (up to a few thousands Ringgit per show). The other dancers were paid reasonably by her for doing the dance shows. But for me and my mom, we only get a meal at the food court and a cup of fizzy drink, not even some money for the petrol... One time, she gave me something else, a belt worth 5 rm.

The 45 minutes yoga classes at her studio was only doing some stretching exercises using yoga asana poses. It didn’t talk about yoga philosophy at all. That’s why at the beginning I thought Yoga was only some stretching exercises coming from India for health and beauty, that’s all…

And all these experiences had taught me another lesson of life – Never take advantage of other people…

I remember that since I was little, I liked to dance and did a lot of stretching exercises which was the same as yoga poses but I had no idea that they were yoga poses until I was with the yoga and aerobics dance academy. And all the dhamma that I had been learning and practicing, I had no idea that they are not different from Yoga teachings. It was until I read the Bhagavad Gita just before I went to India for the Yoga Teachers Training Course in the ashram, I realized that what I have been practicing in my heart and what I believe in all the time was not any different from Yoga. Changing from teaching aerobics dance exercise and fitness classes into teaching and sharing Yoga with many people from around the world is another great life experience.

Everything was there already on the path for me, leading me to where I am. When I was a little girl, without any intention I had sensitive sixth sense about good and bad energy, and “knowing” what was happening to my family and friends, and have predictions or visions or dreams about what was going to happen soon.

Without any intention I was helping in a Buddhist library and started writing about dhamma every day and gave dhamma talks to the public twice a month.

Without any expectation I represented Malaysia for world sports aerobics championship in France and then came back to Malaysia and became a National champion after that, having all my dreams came true.

Without any intention to change from teaching fitness exercise classes into teaching yoga classes, I am now teaching and sharing Yoga with people who come to learn and practice yoga. And without need to worry about money I made it to India twice for Yoga Courses, even though I need to take care of my family’s financial problem for many years.

Without the intention to get into a relationship and having a life partner, I met my husband in India in the ashram during the Yoga Teacher Training course, and we got married three years ago. Without any intention to be living in Langkawi and teaching yoga here, I am now in Langkawi teaching and sharing yoga with many people coming from everywhere.

All these were in the past. They are just a memory, a history. It did happened but it doesn’t exist in the present moment (except that I am still teaching yoga here in Langkawi at the present moment). Whether I was angry and depressed before, whether I was a champion before, whether I was being miserable before, whether I learned how to change my life and came out of miseries, and whether I was happy and content, all these experiences were some stepping stones to bring me here and doing what I am doing now.

I realized that I don’t have to be a singer to sing. I don’t have to sing well to sing. I don’t have to be a professional dancer to dance. Everyone can sing and dance as they like, no matter how out of tune or out of rhythm they are.

I didn’t become a professional dancer at the end, but it didn’t matter because I realized that although I love dancing very much and wanted to be a dancer, but my personality didn’t fit into the world of show business… I can still dance as I like, anywhere and anytime, but not necessarily in a professional dance troupe…

It has been a long time I didn’t sing or dance in the form of singing and dancing physically, but it didn’t change my love for singing and dancing. It didn’t stop me from “singing” and “dancing” in my heart. I don’t need to sing or dance to make me feel happy or to feel good, neither by not singing or not dancing will make me unhappy or feel bad. I am happy as I am.

For me, everything that I perceive and experience in this mind, are a form of singing and dancing coming from the universal consciousness. The sound of the breeze whistling, the sounds of people talking and laughing, birds chirping, all kinds of sound made by all beings, the running water, the movements of the trees, the flowers and the grass move by the wind, the magnificent waterfalls, the waves in the ocean, the beautiful sunset and sunrise, the infinite sky, the clouds, the lightning, the thunder, the rain, the beings experiencing happiness and unhappiness, ups and downs in life are a form of dance and music coming from the universal consciousness.

The world is dancing and singing all the time, turning round and round, expressing through the nature, oceans, mountains, forests, rivers, volcanoes, rain, wind, thunder and lightning…

Read on...

My life stories - Part 2

2011-11-23T22:23:00.012+08:00

My life stories - Part 2
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

I went to an English medium preschool kindergarten when I was six years old for a year before I went to a Chinese medium primary school for six years. During this period of time, I met and mixed with other children who were similar age as me and I made some good friends and had learned something about life from friendships.

Whether I was born this way or I was taught to be like this, there is something that I always believe strongly since I can remember – Truthfulness and honesty. I’m very careful about not want to commit any unrighteous or immoral doings (except during the two years when I was disturbed by anger, hatred and depression, I did intentionally hurt other people through my actions and my speech). If I ever did something wrong unintentionally, I would admit and apologize immediately.

Sometimes I forgot to do my homework, I would go to the teacher and informed the teacher that I didn’t do my homework and gave my palm to the teacher to punish me with a stroke of caning. Or when the exam paper came back to us, sometimes the teacher mistakenly gave me more marks than it should be, I would go to the teacher and asked for remarking and deduct the extra marks from it (this might be called “stupid honesty” by some people, but it is a great virtue in Buddhism or Yoga).

Whenever I found something left unattended in the compound of the school, I would bring it to the teacher. Whenever the cashier in the shops gave me extra change, it doesn’t matter if it was a small or big amount, I would give it back to the cashier so that he or she wouldn’t get into trouble for losing money from the cash machine. I wouldn’t take any thing that doesn’t belong to me. I usually would not accept any gifts or asked for a favor from anyone unless I know it was coming from a pure and sincere heart.

I was very self-independent and self-initiative. I didn’t need my parents to wake me up in the morning and prepared myself to go to school. I was always punctual and responsible for myself and my duties. I never changed my word after I made a promise or setup a date with my friends to meet up. Even though I had made an appointment with somebody for three months later, I will remember it and show up for the appointment at the actual time that we had said.

Even my primary school class teacher noticed the truthfulness and honesty in my character, and she had gave me an “honour” which she guaranteed that “I am an honest and truthful person that won’t tell lies or steal” in front of all the classmates to stand up for me, to defend my innocent due to a little incident that happened in our classroom.

There was someone in the class had been stealing things from most of the classmate. Things had been went missing from our bags or from our tables. My colour pencils and water bottle had went missing too.

One day one of the classmates who was sitting in front of me reported to our teacher about his exercise book had went missing. And so, our teacher had called up everybody and asked whoever had taken his exercise book to come forward and return the book. He or she would be excused and be forgiven. But there was nobody came forward or said anything. Our teacher then asked everyone to search their own bags to see if there might be a chance that the exercise book was in one of our bags. Somehow I didn’t know what happened, I found the exercise book in my bag!

Without any fear or guilt I told the teacher and everyone that the exercise book was in my bag and I didn’t know why it was in my bag. I might have put it in my bag accidentally, or someone might had put it into my bag intentionally or unintentionally. For me it really doesn’t matter because I knew I didn’t take it or steal it. But the fact was, everyone had the same reaction of thinking that I must be the thieve who had stole the exercise book. Everyone was pointing their fingers at me and whispering to each other, as if I was guilty of stealing the book. But due to my usual behavior and personality that I was always being truthful, honest and straightforward, my teacher immediately stood up for me and defend for my innocent. She asked everybody to believe in me that I was innocent and I was an honest and truthful person that I wouldn’t tell a lie or steal anything, and she would guarantee that. And thus, everyone stopped judging me but respect me for being a truthful and honest person.

Since then, my believe in being truthful and never tell lies and be totally honest became stronger than before. By observing truthfulness and honesty will gain such trustworthy, confidence and respect from everyone. Even when somebody who was jealous of me tried to accuse me of something bad that I didn’t do or when someone questioned about my honesty, people who knew me would believe in me and unmoved by those slandering and would stand up for me. That’s the power of truthfulness and honesty.

All though I was not a very sociable person at school, but I made a few true and sincere friends after spending six years together in the same class in the primary school. We continued to be friends and got in touch with each other once in a while. Unfortunately, one of them killed herself in 2004 just before I went to India for Yoga Teacher Training Course. Her sudden death gave me a good reflection about life, suffering and happiness.

She was born into a broken family. Her parents were separated soon after she was born about a few months old. Both her parents abandoned her. She grew up under the care of her grand mother. Both her parents had another family. She was a graduate of higher degree education. She was a manager in an advertising company. She smoked minimum 2 packets of cigarettes a day. She had divorced once after one year being married to a man whom she thought she knew very well after spending 10 years of dating. The husband was well educated and had a high income 9 to 5 office job just like all the other well educated men.

As soon as she got married, she was so shocked and disappointed when she realized her newly-wed husband was a complete stranger to her. She didn’t know that he was such an irresponsible man until they got married and lived together. The husband was addicted to gambling (she knew he gambled occasionally just like all the other Chinese men but she didn’t know that it could be so serious). He always went to Genting Highlands Casino to gamble. He lost a lot of money and started borrowing money from loan sharks money lender. He couldn’t pay back. He went to her father (who was quite wealthy) secretly without her knowing about it, and borrowed a lot of money from her father telling him some lies about why he needed to borrow so much money. He gambled more with the borrowed money from her father and lost again. He didn’t pay back the loan sharks. He ran away without telling her and went missing for many months.

Before he ran away, he stole all her saving from where she kept all her cash in the house (she didn’t like to keep money in the banks). She found out the truth about her husband only when the loan shark came to her house looking for the husband and threatened her to pay back the money borrowed by her husband who had ran away from debts. She was heart broken. She was pregnant (which the ran away husband didn’t know about it yet). She was supposed to be very happy for being pregnant because she wanted to have babies, her own children since she was a girl. She thought that a woman’s life would be complete if she had her own children. She was very afraid for her unborn child to have such an irresponsible father. She made a very hard decision. She went for abortion with deep anger, guilt, sadness and regret for the rest of her life. She filed divorce.

Few years later she met another well educated man with a decent high income job. She fell in love again. She got married again. Not long after married, she finally got pregnant again, twice and gave birth to two lovely boys. 2 years difference in between the two boys. She was determined to quit smoking while she was pregnant, for the babies goodness. She continued her two boxes of cigarettes everyday after she stopped breast feeding. She suffered post natal depression after the first baby. She recovered. She wanted another baby to fulfilled her wish to have a few children to complete her life. She had another baby. We went to her house to visit her and the baby after her delivery for the second time. She didn’t talk much about her problems. She seemed happy with her wishes came true and her new born baby boy. Her husband seemed like a good gentleman.

A few months later after the second baby was born, my another good friend where the three of us frequently hanged out together before her two pregnancies, called me in shocked and told me that she had passed away a month ago. At the beginning, we didn’t know what happened. No body knew anything about her death, not our classmates. The husband didn’t informed anyone of us about her death and funeral. I did called her and texted her many times before and after her death, but there was no reply. I wondered why? We wanted to know what happened to her.

My friend called the husband. The husband didn’t want to tell her anything about the death but just said that the two sons were then with his parents in Penang. We looked for an answer. We found old newspaper, November 9th 2004. The article was about her jumped from her 15th floor apartment’s balcony and fell to her death instantly in the morning about 10.30am on November 8th, 2004. Neighbours told the reporters that they always heard arguments from her apartment about money issues…

I knew about her death in December 2004, and I went to India in early January 2005. It was sad, but I was more determined in finding out the truth about suffering and the path of liberation from suffering. She had chose what she wanted to do with her life. I respect her decision.

It was the past already. I continued my journey to attain real peace and happiness.

For the first three years in primary school, I wasn’t good in Mandarin subjects but I was very good in Malay and English subjects due to the kindergarten that I went to was an English medium school. And I was always very good in mathematics and science. I always paid attention in the class and would asked the teacher immediately after class if I had anything that I didn’t understand.

I also had very good image memory to remember what I had read. Usually I didn’t need to study after I came back from school. I just needed to go to sleep early on the night before the exam and got up at three in the morning, and browse through the text book while listening to music. I would remember page by page of what I had read and answered the questions exactly like a print out from the book. Usually I would get very good result from examination although I never bothered about my results and placing in the class. Maybe it was because my parents never put pressure on us, nor did we have to compete with other people.

There was one year on the celebration day of dumpling made from glutenous rice, my family had joined together and made a joke on me. The lesson was, do not eat too much glutenous rice at one time no matter how delicious they are. Eating too much glutenous rice is indigestible and will cause drowsiness. When I came back from school on that afternoon, I ate a few of those dumplings made by my mother and they were really delicious… Not long after eating, I felt really sleepy and I went for a “nap” which had turned into a deep sleep for a few hours.

Then my mother came to my room to wake me up and told me that it was time to go to school. I was still in a very drowsy condition. I was “blur-blur”. I couldn’t remember what was going on and I believed what my mother said to me. I turned to look at the clock, it was six something (usually the school bus would come around that time in the morning to pick me up). At that moment, I could hear the bus went passed our house.

I panicked. I was never late for anything. I quickly jumped off the bed, ran to the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth, and ran back to my room to change into my school uniform and took my school bag ran out to to the gate, and wait for the school bus to come back for me. I could remember that I was telling myself, “I still haven’t done all my homework yet!”.

The point is, when I was running to the bathroom which was at the back of our house, I passed by the living hall and the kitchen. I saw my brother was in the living hall pumping the kerosene lamp for the house (our house didn’t have electricity supply yet), and my mother was cooking in the kitchen (usually they wouldn’t be awake and do all these things in the early morning… It didn’t make sense, but I was still “blur-blur”). And while I ran out to the gate I saw many children were playing and talking everywhere (usually nobody would be playing and making noises in the early morning… Again it didn’t make sense, but I didn’t doubt anything because I was panicked about being late for school). I still had not a clue what was going on. I was so “blur” with the drowsiness and so naive to believe what my mother said to me, “It’s time to go to school.” I was standing there with my school bag and in my school uniform…

A few minutes later, everyone started to look at me and laugh. Then, my mother came out from the house and grabbed me with her arms and carried me back into the house while telling me that it was six thirty in the evening, not morning! It was dinner time… No wonder there were children playing out there! No wonder my mother was cooking and my brother was pumping the lamp to light up the house! And the school bus that I heard was sending school children home from the afternoon school session…

Until today we all still remember what happened that day and we would laugh out loud about it.

I was an out going girl who liked to ride my bicycle and went everywhere, danced most of the time, climbed up a tree, played with boys or fought with them playing “kung fu fighting”, played football, basketball, baseball, badminton, flew a kite, catching butterflies, rope jumping, hide and seek, slippers throwing, and etc... I also liked to hang out on the sand hills and the wood factory opposite our old house, or hanged out at friend’s house. I was sort of the leader of the gang of our friends in the village. I liked to organize games or singing in the school bus. Due to my energetic activities, I had several scars on my knees because I fell off the bicycle many times.

There was one time I went to my best friend’s house for an overnight stay. I brought my own pillow and bolster, and all by myself I walked to her house which was about 150 meters away from our house (I was about seven years old then). And so embarrassed that I peed on her bed while sleeping, and I did apologize to her parents the next morning. After that I walked home by myself holding my pillow and bolster one on each side of my body. Everyone was making a joke on me for that incident and laugh about it. This childhood good friend of me and I had spent so much time together when we grew up together in Kampung Pinang. Somehow after we moved to the longhouse in Pantai Dalam, we had lost contact for more than 23 years until lately she found me on Facebook.

I was a good friend to a few people who were living in the village. There was a Punjabi girl had picked up Cantonese from being friend with me. We spent lots of time together cycling in the village. Sometimes I went to her house for Punjabi meal, and she also came to our house for Chinese meal. I even organized a “bank saving account”. I was the banker, and a few of my friends would save some coins with me everyday. I kept a note book and wrote down the amount of money that they gave me or took out. Sometimes we would use the total saving to buy some snacks and shared among ourselves. It was such happy days.

All these childhood happy days disappeared when my family suffered from financial problem due to some reasons related to my sister and her husband, which made me very angry and depressed for more than two years. Anyway he died from a horrible work accident a few years later.

During the difficult moments in our family, I had shut myself off from everybody. I was full of anger and hatred and I was so depressed. I didn’t want to talk to my family for a long time. Locking myself in the bedroom and danced every night for a few hours to let go of my frustration. I had developed a very special affection for small insects during that time and would prefer to talk to little insects especially bugs, than to talk to people. I would went out in the middle of the night and sat on the hilltop by myself watching the sky. I was not afraid of anything.

It is true that a person who is full of anger and hatred will not be afraid of anything not even God, Devil or Hell. When a person has intense hatred in the heart, he or she doesn’t believe in anything at all. And so, what is hell and what is God are meaningless to this person. I would pray to Devil when I was so upset and I cursed everything and everyone (including my parents, my family, the people on the street, the sun, the moon, the stars, and God) even though all these people and the universe has got nothing to do with my unhappiness. So unhappy, angry and hatred was I.

My brother who was three years elder than me was also being disturbed by our family problems and became very cold and rebellious, and couldn’t forgive our parents and our sister and brother in law for many years. I left school a year before the secondary school final year, which was a pity but I never regret about it because at the end, wisdom, peace and happiness are not coming from schooling education but it is coming from within ourselves through life experiences. No doubt that education is very important to learn how to read and write, and about languages, cultures, religions, sports, moral conducts, geography, history, mathematic, science and professional skills in life, but how many schools teach us how to be happy and be at peace, or how to transcend suffering and be free from fear and worry?

We may read a lots of books, have many talented skills, speak many languages, and know about many things and have been to everywhere in the world, but it doesn’t guarantee that we will be free from suffering, anger, hatred, doubts, fear and worry, and will have peace and be happy in life…

I was lucky to be able to heal myself and came out from misery after two years of darkness and started to talk back to my parents again and care for them. But my brother was very unhappy for many years. Only until recently he forgave my family and started to care for my parents again just a few years before my mother passed away, which was good for him, because he would be regret for the rest of his life, if he didn’t forgave my parents before my mom passed away…

Thanks to dhamma, Madonna and those spiritual beings who had been helping me to come out from miseries. And thanks to my parents who didn’t question me for my bad behavior, and they didn’t abandon me and being patient with me and continue to love me and care for me, gave me their supports to pursue my dreams in dancing, and for me to have the opportunity to teach aerobics classes as living income to support myself and my parents.

My mother was the driver who sent me everywhere to teach classes, waited in the car park until I finished teaching, and sent me back home because I didn’t learn how to drive yet, not until I was 33 years old. I had fear of crossing the road and fear of driving back then, because I had involved in a few car accidents in my past being a passenger. It would take me a very long time to cross a road. I would wait until there’s no cars to cross over the road. But it is a completely different story now. I love driving and enjoy driving very much now. I’m free from fear.

And thanks to mySelf, who had helped me and healed myself, and pulled me out from the ocean of ignorance and suffering.

Read on...

My life stories - Part 1

2011-11-23T18:47:00.019+08:00

My life stories - Part 1
Stories from my past memories - childhood, family, friends, growing up, poverty, integrity, dreams came true, finding peace and happiness, Buddhism, Yoga, and now...

My parents told me that I was very fond of music since I was a baby. When they wanted to put me to sleep, they just needed to switch on the radio or cassette player and played some music. And as soon as they switched it off, I would wake up instantly. They said that I would shake and bounce my body whenever I heard music. I think most babies will have the same reaction when they hear some music. Babies are naturally connected with rhythm in nature. And as they grow older, that connection fades away. But some will continue to be connected with this inborn rhythm and this was also why I love dancing so much when I got older and later became an aerobics dance instructor for about 20 years.

Part of the oldest memories that I can remember until today is when I was about 4 years old, my family moved from Kampung Manggis to another village called Kampung Pinang less than 2 kilometers from where we were. Kampung Pinang was built on top of an abandoned tin mine situated at the borderline of Kuala Lumpur and Southern Petaling Jaya where older generations named that area as Petaling Tin.

There wasn’t anyone living on that piece of land yet. My parents and some friends went to look at that piece of land and wanted to build our own house on it. Everyone had made a boundary for their own piece of land with barb wire and built their dream house with the help from some friends and relatives. They also planted many kinds of trees, flowers, fruit trees and vegetables on the land. I still remember some of the images when my mother carried me on her back with a piece of cloth while she was spreading the cement over the floor of our house.

Our house was very big, built with bricks, planks of wood and zinc roof. It had two big living halls, a big dining hall, five big size bedrooms, one big open kitchen, one big washing area with a well, a bathroom and a traditional squatting toilet with septic tank. The compound surrounding the house was very wide too.

We didn’t have water supply into the house in the first few years. We used the water from the well for washing and showering. We also collected rain water for washing. Due to previously it was a tin mine, the water from the well was orange colour. Our hair also became orange. My parents built a water filter using a big earthen pot filled with layers of sand, gravels, stones, charcoals and dried leaves. For drinking and cooking, we had to go to a public water pipe to get the clean water about 50 meters away from our house. We washed all the laundry by hand. There was no electricity. We used kerosene lamps and a generator to supply the electricity for the fridge and to watch television. After a few years living there, our villagers managed to apply for electricity and water supply from the government.

Not long after we had been living in that house, most of the empty lands was filled up with many other new houses and slowly it became a big village. There was a Chinese primary school built by the old tin mine factory which still exists until now. I think it should be more than forty years old now. I didn’t go to that school, because my parents wanted to send me to a better “quality” school which is about a few kilometers away from where we lived in Petaling Jaya Old Town. I am thankful and grateful that my parents had chose to send me there to spend my early childhood and schooling with great friends and great teachers.

I learned about morality, truthfulness, honesty, humility, responsibility, disciplinary and respect from the primary school which I truly appreciate. I learned about these “qualities” from my parents as well who allowed me and my brothers and sister to have absolute freedom but also respect the traditional Chinese culture about morality, honesty, humility, respect, responsibility and self-independence. We were allowed to do whatever we liked to do (except that we were not allowed to steal, speak harsh words and tell lies), we could go wherever we want to go, we could have any ambitions, and we were free to express all our thoughts and feelings. My parents would provide us with whatever they could give for us to pursue all our dreams.

There are pros and cons in having this complete freedom though. If we don’t know how to use this freedom wisely, we could end up getting lots of problems in life, but there is nothing bad about it, because we will learn from our own mistakes…

I grew up in that village house until I was sixteen years old. The government wanted to demolish all the illegal squatter houses in and around Kuala Lumpur to make it into a modern city with high rise flats, apartments and condominiums.

I remember during the twelve years when we were living there, there was no such thing as petty theft and crimes happened in our village. Everyone knew each other and were nice to each other, and looked after one another. We let our doors wide opened through out the day without the need of locking the doors or closing the gate. My parents had no fear of letting us went out with friends to play outside in the village at the nearby sand hills, river and grass fields. Sometimes they left us at home by ourselves.

All the neighbours were willingly to help each other if someone needed help. There was no fear of crimes. But nowadays in the big city, it isn’t like that anymore. There is so much fear in everyone being in the house or out on the street. Everyone is locking themselves in with grills on doors and windows all the time. There are very few people will know their neighbours or have interactions with their neighbours especially living in the apartments and condominiums.

People don’t feel safe to hitch hike a ride like what we used to do in the past. Drivers don’t feel safe to stop their cars for people who want a ride or if someone needs help on the roadside. Children are not allowed to go outside to play without the guidance of the adults.

There is lack of freedom for the children to do what they like to do or to choose what they want to become because the parents already chose for them what they have to become. The parents will arrange for the children to go for some kind of extra tuition activities that the parents think it is best for the children’s future to become a successful person in education achievements and in the society, and to be able to have a good job and make a lot of money.

Some parents send their children to Ballet schools and Piano lessons because the parents want to compensate their own childhood unfulfilled dreams by making their children to do the things that they themselves didn’t have the opportunity to do when they were young. They want to fulfill their own dreams through their children. Most children don't have enough playtime nowadays like we used to have in the old days, especially outdoor activities in the nature because the children are too busy with studying the school text books preparing for exams due to so much expectations coming from their parents (and from their own selves as well) for being in a competitive materialistic society.

I loved that old house very much. We had big playing area to run about. There was greenery surrounding the house with beautiful garden with colourful flowers, vegetables and lots of fruit trees like durian, rambutan, mango, chiku, guava, papaya, pineapples, and etc. My father built two fish ponds beside the house. There was a big garage for the cars and a big open air store room. My parents had two Ford Cortinas when we were living in that house. Once my father had a Volkswagen Beetle which we called it "the frog car" in Chinese.

At one stage, my mother asked someone to build a big chicken cage behind the house to breed live chicken for sale. My parents also grew bean sprouts to sell to the local vegetables market. It was close to a self-contained way of life… If it wasn’t because of my sister and her late husband needed money for starting a business and failed in the business, we wouldn’t be in financial problems...

My father was a mechanic fitter for Avery weighing machine company for forty years since he was sixteen years old until the day he retired. He was the longest working employee for Avery Malaysia and was “loyal” to the company, and never worked for any other companies. My mother was a house wife but she was also very talented and independent. She did many types of small business to help out our family living expenses including being a tailor, a driver for sending children to school, a hawker selling many types of local delicacies, a vegetables seller, a chicken livestock seller and some other works. She was one of the few women that could drive a car on the road during that time. She was a very good cook. She made most of our clothings and school bags. She also cut the hair for the entire family. She passed away in 2006 on the day before Christmas. She loved me so much and had gave me the freedom to be what I am now.

Both my parents never went to school before but they learned how to read and write Chinese by themselves. They are very honest and modest people. They are very generous towards other people and had helped a lot of people who were injured in car accidents on the road. They sent the injured people to the hospital in our car. They also helped our neighbours in the village countless times. It could be someone needed a car ride to somewhere, or if there was an emergency case and someone had to go to the hospital, or when someone needed to borrow something from them.

I remember there were snakes coming into our neighbour’s house many times. Every time our neighbour would asked for my mother’s help to chase away the snakes. My mother was fearless. Sometimes she had to kill the snakes. And this was something that she regretted when she got older in life. My parents never asked any rewards in return from the people they had helped. Even when people wanted to give us some presents to show gratitude, my parents would not accept them.

These were the values that my parents had taught us. My grandparents had taught my parents about living everyday with enough food on the table for that day and need not worry about tomorrow, always live in the present moment and be grateful and humble always. They also taught us to be grateful for other people being generous to us and never forget the kindness other people showed us and repay their kindness if possible, but let go of what we had did for others.

We are satisfied and contented with simple life, and not greedy about making lots of money nor wanted to have many material enjoyments. Before the financial problems, my father liked to bring us to the beach to have picnics and enjoy the sea breeze with the whole family on the weekends.

My parents were not rich people. They came from poor family. My parents made just enough money for our living and still manage to bring up the four of us and provide us with enough basic education and some other supports. They loved us so much. My mother would disciplined us if we did something wrong for our own good which I appreciate very much. My father never scolded anyone of us before even if we were playful and broke something in the house.

Even though our family had went through financial difficult moments, and everyone were very unhappy and frustrated, but we were still okay. We didn’t steal or rob or cheat anyone.

Some days we didn’t have any money left for food. We were in debt because of some other people being selfish and greedy. One day, my father was crying with tears down when he told me that we have no more money for food when he sent me to school. At that moment, I was very sad to hear that, and at the same time I was very angry (with God) as well, because we didn’t do anything bad to other people and we were always kind to others, but that was what happened to our family. That moment had inspired me to do well in life so that I can look after my parents.

There are not many Chinese family have such openness to allow their children to have such freedom to do whatever they like to do and can make their own choice to be what they want to be. I am glad to be born in this family. Even though at the beginning I was very angry for the financial problems in my family because at that time I was ignorant. I didn’t understand. But when I realized the Truth about suffering, I was totally surrendered to forgiveness, acceptance and compassion. Since then I was very glad to have this family and glad to have such parents loving me, accept me and support me.

Most of the conservative Chinese people in the past might think that dancing was not a good thing for girls, and we were “bad girls” if we dance. Somehow I was born with this great interest and talent to dance, and my open-minded parents had no problem with that and they encouraged and supported me to pursue my dreams to dance.

Dancing is very spiritual to me. I felt like I was dancing for life, for the nature, for the whole universe. I felt loved and blessed deep in my heart when I dance, and at the same time I was also giving the love and blessing back to the universe. I dance from within. No specific steps or rules or styles, it doesn’t matter what type of music was there. Even when there was no music, I could dance in my own rhythm.

This is part of my fading memories about my parents and the old house that I grew up in. A childhood in a village called Kampung Pinang from 1974 – 1986.

Read on...

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (7)

2011-11-22T18:45:00.004+08:00

When the mind becomes Nirvishaya (free from thinking of sense-objects and their enjoyments) it is meditation. To think of nothing is to attain the highest contemplation. If the body is light, if the mind is clear, if there is cheerfulness; know that you are meditating. if the body is heavy, if the mind is dull, know that you were sleeping while meditating…

当意识进入Nirvishaya的境界（没有思维感官的物件和享乐），那即是冥想。思维空无即是达到最高的观照。如果身体很轻松，如果意识头脑很清晰，如果感觉开朗;知道你是在静坐。如果身体是沉重的，如果意识头脑呆滞昏沉，知道你是在静坐的时候睡着了…

Concentration and Meditation – Swami Sivananda

Where does happy feeling or sensation comes from when we feel happy?

2011-11-17T17:28:00.015+08:00

When the mind is being one-pointedness being in the present moment now, at that moment the mind is free from the past experiences/memories and free from the future projections/imaginations/anticipations. And thus, there is no judgments, comparisons and expectations, free from duality of good and bad, positive and negative, pleasantness and unpleasantness. And thus the mind is free from craving and aversion, doubts, fear and worry... At that moment, peace is there. Blissful feeling of happiness is there...

The truth is, it is not the objects or happenings out there that give us the state of mind of peace and happiness. It is not what we do or don't do that make our mind feel happy or unhappy.

All the objects, happenings, names and forms (sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch, thinking/thoughts) out there, they have no qualities or intentions to make us happy or not happy, peaceful or not peaceful. It is the one-pointedness state of the mind that is free from craving and aversion, free from greed and dissatisfaction when we do the things or get in contact with the things that we like and want, that generates the (momentary) peace and happiness in the mind. When the mind loses it one-pointedness due to impermanence or disturbance from other objects, names and forms, that momentary peace and happiness will be disturbed and fade away. Emptiness or dissatisfaction/greed/craving for some other satisfaction and happy feelings immediately take over the experience of momentary contentment, peace and happiness that comes from one-pointedness or concentration of the mind.

That's why different people find (momentary) peace and happiness in many different ways by doing the things and getting the objects that they like and want. Some people feel good from doing good actions and enjoy doing good actions. Some people feel good from doing evil actions and enjoy doing evil actions. It is not the good actions or the evil actions that give us the good and happy feelings. It is the one-pointedness state of mind while doing any actions that gives us the momentary state of satisfaction and happy sensation in the mind.

We often hear people say that there are many different ways or methods of how to be happy in life. There's nothing wrong with this saying. We do get (momentary) happy feelings or sensations when we are able to do the things that we like to do, when we can get the things that we like, when we can enjoy some precious moments with our family and friends, when we can do some charity works helping other beings, when we can contribute to the society and the world through many ways, when we can live a good quality and healthy lifestyle, when we can enjoy active social life and interactions with one another, when we can live our life meaningfully by doing the things that we like to do and want to do, achieve our goals and dreams, or attain some sort of power, material belongings, name and fame, and etc...

Definitely, there will be momentary happy feelings and satisfaction coming from doing or attaining all the things being mentioned in the above. In the teachings of yoga and meditation, this type of momentary happy feelings and satisfaction is called conditional happiness and satisfaction that is conditioned and determined by the qualities of the external objects, happenings, names and forms. It will be disturbed by some other objects, greed, dissatisfaction, craving and aversion, and it will fade away. This momentary satisfaction and happy feeling is conditioned and determined by what we like and dislike, want and don't want, and what we agree and disagree with. When our craving for certain things is being gratified, our mind experience contentment and feel good. And when the craving is not being gratified, the mind experience discontentment and doesn't feel good.

There is no doubt that there are many ways and methods to be happy in life, but what really generates the happy feelings or sensations in us is because of the mind is being in the present moment, free from the past or the future, free from craving and aversion for that time being when the momentary satisfaction arise due to we are able to do and getting the things that we like and want, or when we come in contact with the objects that we agree with.

This type of momentary conditional happiness is not the unchangeable real happiness that the teachings of yoga and meditation talk about. Those who really practice yoga and meditation will not waste energy in chasing after all these momentary happiness and satisfaction that are impermanent, changeable, dissatisfying, and are conditioned and limited by the different qualities of names and forms. The real peace and happiness is already there within us, never increase nor decrease, never disappear, undisturbed or unaffected or undetermined by impermanent conditional external objects, happenings, names and forms. We just need to purify our mind to remove impurities and ignorance, calming the restless agitated state of mind, and we will realize this true and eternal peace and happiness that is always there with us and never leave us.

Realize this Truth, we will stop looking out for momentary peace and happiness and we will rest in peace and happiness that is already there in us that is unconditional, unlimited and undisturbed by any external objects, happenings, names and forms.

It also means that, no matter what is the condition of our body and the mind, or the condition of our life, the environment and the entire worldly existence, we will always rest in peace in our true Self or true nature. That is the means of yoga and meditation practice...

All the names and forms are just being what they are. They are not something good or bad, positive or negative, happiness or suffering...

The pure and calm mind that is free from the influence of the ego and the intellect (being free from selfish intentions, judgment, comparison, expectation, craving, aversion, dissatisfaction, greed, pride, arrogance, anger, hatred, jealousy, fear and worry, and all sorts of impurities) will be able to perceive the reality of everything as it is, not necessary the way that we want it to be or the way that we think it should be...

There is no craving for something that is being categorized by the intellect as good, positive and happy. There is no aversion towards something that is being categorized by the intellect as bad, negative and suffering.

Suffering disappears. Unhappiness disappears. Fear and worry disappear.

When there is no suffering, unhappiness, fear and worry, there's no need to looking for peace and happiness, because peace and happiness is already there...

The moment when the craving for peace and happiness, as well as the aversion towards unpeacefulness and unhappiness stop, that moment is peaceful...

Peaceful feeling or sensation that comes from being with the people that we like and agree with, by getting or coming in contact with the objects that we like and want or desire, and being in a pleasant environment, it's conditional, it's limited, it's impermanent. It will change, be disturbed and disappear. It is dissatisfying in its nature.

When we stop attaching to this peace and happy feeling or sensation that are conditioned and limited by external objects, happenings, names and forms, we will rest in the unconditional and unlimited peace in our true nature.

If we depend on certain good conditions or objects to feel peace and happiness, then very soon we will be disappointed and being unhappy when impermanence strikes.

The essential teachings in yoga and meditation is to realize the Truth about we are not the body, we are not the mind. This body and this mind don't belong to us, and they are not us.

There is not a thing that is "I". There is no "I" am performing some actions or not performing any actions. There is no "I" there to go through birth, growth, decay, old age, sickness, and death. There is no "I" there being happy or unhappy.

It is just the body and mind being existing, changing and eventually will stop existing.

There is no "I" there to experience all the perceptions of sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch and thinking/thoughts. It is just the body and mind experiencing all these impermanent names and forms.

There's no "I" there to experience all sorts of emotions, feelings and sensations, pleasant and unpleasant experiences.

There is no "I" being good or not good.

There is no "I" there to have fear, worry, doubts, dissatisfaction, craving, aversion, pride, arrogance, to be happy or sad, to be praised or censured, to be positive or negative, to be healthy or sick, to be strong or weak, to experience success or failure, respectful or disrespectful, auspiciousness or inauspiciousness, completeness or incompleteness, and to be loved or to love...

All the qualities, dualities, names and forms disappear.

There is no arguments, criticisms or justifications.

The mind is resting in silence...

That is when we realize the Truth of ourselves and the entire worldly existence...

Om shanti.

No matter what we do or don't do to find peace and happiness in life, true and lasting happiness is there when we are free from being conditioned and determined by all the external objects of names and forms, and when we are free from being determined by judgment and expectation coming from our own self and other people, and when we are free from the attachment towards our actions and the fruit of our actions...

Yoga is unconditioned and unlimited by names and forms and qualities...

2011-11-12T23:04:00.016+08:00

Yoga is nameless and formless. Yoga is unconditioned and unlimited by any names and forms or qualities or boundaries.

It doesn't need anybody or association or affiliation to give permission to anybody to share the experience in the path of yoga with any beings who need yoga or who are sincerely interested in learning and practicing yoga according to the teachings of yoga in search for the Truth to transcend suffering that arise due to ignorance or impurities. Nor does it bound by any so called "legal" business license law that is created by human beings or does it required any religion or local council or government's approval to be exist in the universe.

Having love and peace, as well as sharing love and peace are nothing to do with having a recognized certificate and qualification or not, or having a "legal license" or not...

Nobody needs nor requires a business license or internationally recognized certificate or qualification to be sharing the path of yoga with any beings who need yoga and who are sincere in treading the path towards Self-realization or the path of transcending the mind or the ego or ignorance or suffering... We can share yoga with anyone at anytime, at anywhere. Just that due to having a building or a place to conduct yoga classes at a particular place in the world is being bound by the local administrative law of rules and regulations, it makes teaching yoga becomes something that required permission and license to be able to conduct yoga classes at certain place. But yoga is not bound by anything even though the physical act of sharing yoga is being bound by some "law", "rules" and "regulations" in the local community...

If there is some "rules and regulations" in certain places that do not allow certain types of race or religion people to learn and practice yoga or the "rules and regulations" do not allow certain yoga centre or yoga school to accept any certain race or religion people to learn and practice yoga in that place, but that won't stop anybody to share yoga with everyone and it won't stop anyone from learning and practicing yoga. It's because yoga is not limited in a yoga class or yoga centre. Yoga practice is everywhere and it's in the heart every moment, it's not just limited in performing some external form of physical movements or postures or chantings and prayers...

Yoga is there in every beings disregard the differences of appearance, race, sex, sects, caste, behavior, personality, social status, financial and educational background, religion, culture, nationality, or any names and forms and qualities, whether we know and practice yoga or not, or heard about yoga or not.

Yoga exists in every beings from the moment the body and mind exist. Love and peace is universal. Every beings have love and peace in their true nature. Whenever there is misery and suffering that arise due to ignorance in the mind, yoga practice exists to help the beings to transcend suffering and be free, be liberated from suffering.

Love and peace as well as suffering exist in every single being, except for those who had transcended their own mind or their ego, they are free from suffering.

If those people who only interested in learning and practicing the physical exercise taken from the yoga asana practice but they refuse or do not really interested in learning and practicing the philosophy of yoga (partly due to the philosophical part of yoga might be contradicted with their existing religion teachings, or mainly because they are not ready yet to practice non-attachment or non-identification with the body and mind, or because their mind and ego cannot accept that our true Self is identical with God, or simply because of the ignorance hinders them from getting rid of the ego and attaining Self-realization, or any other reasons), then they can just do the exercises. Be happy. There's no harm. There's nothing wrong. It is a very good and beneficial physical and mental activity to engage in life. But when they approach a yoga teacher with their strong attachment towards their ego and what they want and don't want, and "telling" the teacher that they only want to learn and practice the yoga asana, but they are not interested at the teachings of spirituality approach in yoga, and they do not want to hear anything about the philosophy or the chantings and prayers (because it might be contradicted with their religion or what they believe in)... They want to learn and practice "yoga" but they are conditioning and limiting themselves and the teacher about what the teacher should teach them... Hmmm...

Well, there are many yoga teachers would be just teaching the physical exercises of yoga asana practice and do not want to get involve with the teachings of yoga (about non-attachment and annihilation of the ego) or the chantings and prayers. It's fine. Then those who just want to do some physical exercises through the asana practice can approach these yoga teachers and yoga centres to learn and practice the "pure asana practice" that doesn't "involve" spirituality that will contradict with their religion or believes. Anyway, a yoga teacher who teaches all the aspects and elements in traditional yoga practice will not force anybody to take up any practice that they are not comfortable with and do not expect everyone to accept and believe in the teachings of yoga... The "yoga students" have the freedom to refuse or reject the essential teachings and spiritual practice of yoga, but how can they limit and condition what the yoga teacher should teach?

In the asana practice itself, it's already containing the philosophy in it whether the teacher mentions about it or not. It is the physical and practical part of the philosophy. It is part of the entire path of yoga. They are not separated. You hold the handle of a knife to cut something, you are taking the entire knife on your hand, you do not separate the handle from the blade. A knife handle without the blade cannot cut anything. A blade without a handle is inconvenient to cut things. Merely hearing the philosophy without practical practice is of no use.

Even when there is no hearing of the philosophy or chantings and prayers involved in the yoga asana practice, but the asana practice is still a very powerful practice that can purify and stimulate the energy centres and energy channels in the body for higher spiritual realization. And spiritual realization can happen in anyone disregards all the differences of religion, race, sects, caste, culture, sex, social status, financial and educational background, behavior, personality, nationality and any other names and forms and qualities... The only difference is the one who can let go of the attachment towards the body and mind or let go of the identification with the ego, will attain spiritual realization easier than the one who identify with the ego and attached strongly towards the body and mind...

Yoga exists for transcending the ignorant lower self and become identical with the universal consciousness or God consciousness. It is about realizing our true nature or true Self is not separated from the universal consciousness or God consciousness. When the mind is not pure, being over-powered by ignorance or impurities or selfishness, we are disconnected with our true nature or true Self, the pure and higher consciousness. Once ignorance or impurities disappeared, Self-realization takes place and our true Self is not separated nor different from the universal consciousness or God consciousness. This is the essence of Self-realization, the path of yoga and meditation. How can we deny God consciousness in everyone and everything when everyone and everything depend on external energy and elements to be exist?

The people who don't want to hear or learn or practice the philosophy of yoga, have this strong resistance in getting to know or identify with their true nature or true Self, which is the mean of all yoga and meditation practice...

Yoga is about Self-realization. It's about unite and identify with the universal consciousness or God consciousness. It's about letting go of who and what we think we are. It's about letting go of all the wrong identifications with names and forms and qualities... Such as "I" am good, "I" am bad, "I" am happy, "I" am suffering, "I" am success, "I" am failure, "I" gain, "I" loss, "I" am 'certain religion', "I" am 'certain race', "I" am 'certain sect', "I" am 'certain personality', or "I" am this or that, and etc...

It's about attaining real peace, unconditional and unlimited peace that already exist within our true Self. It's about knowing what is real and unreal. It's about getting to know the Truth and able to observe and accept the reality as it is...

For people who cannot perceive or does not want to know anything about the teaching about Brahman is real, the world is unreal, the individual soul/consciousness is identical with Brahman, but still want to practice yoga asana practice and telling themselves and other people that they are practicing "yoga", is only deceiving themselves. There is nothing wrong with people just want to enjoy doing the yoga asana practice but refuse to connect with the teachings of yoga or do not want to hear anything about the yoga philosophy. Be happy and enjoy doing the yoga asana practice. It is good for anyone to do the exercises that are beneficial for health and mental peace.

The Truth will always be the Truth. The Truth is always within everyone... There is God consciousness in everyone and everything. There is unconditional love and peace in every beings. We just need to remove ignorance or impurities to realize the Truth of ourselves and this worldly existence. These are the teachings of Yoga.

Even if some people do not want to relate themselves with yoga teachings or yoga philosophy or yoga practice, but if they know selflessness and compassion, if they have unconditional love and peace, then it is not any different nor separated from yoga... It is just a name and form. We don't have to call it "yoga" or any names... It doesn't matter we have a religion or not, whether we belongs to any race and culture or not... We all have a mind and an ego. And whoever has transcended the mind and the ego, no matter through what type of practice, it's all not separated from yoga.

Om shanti.

In certain countries, some meditation centres are not allowed to accept certain race and religion people in that place to come to these centres to learn and practice meditation. But there are many other meditation centres in other places in the world that are not limited by these local "authorities" restriction. People who are sincere in learning and practicing meditation can go to these meditation centres to learn and practice meditation... At the end, yoga and meditation practice is in our heart, unlimited and unconditioned by time and space, names and forms...

Reactions of the ego when we hear something that we don't agree with...

2011-11-07T21:56:00.005+08:00

Have you ever experienced irritation and anger when you heard something (ideas, stories, concepts, believes, behaviors or philosophies) that you (the ego or the mind) don't agree with? We (the ego or the mind) think that our thinkings are right and other thinkings that are different from ours, or thinkings that are contradicted with our thinkings are wrong. And we would want to argue about it to prove that, or to emphasize that we are right and they are wrong.

This is a normal reaction of the ego or one of the habits of the mind.

In yoga and meditation, at the beginning we learn to observe all these reactions in the mind and do not identify nor associate with them, and keep practicing non-attachment towards all the names and forms until one day we are able to control the mind to stop reacting towards any thing that is different from us, that our mind doesn't agree with. We learn to accept and respect anything that our mind doesn't like or doesn't agree with. We don't have to upset ourselves over something that are different from our ideas and believes. We don't have to generate disharmony or conflicts with anyone and anything... Be at peace... This will prevent the mind from being agitated or disturbing the equanimity or tranquility of the mind for meditation.

There is nothing wrong with anyone who like to argue or enjoy arguing with other people over something that they don't like to hear or cannot accept or don't agree with. Be happy arguing...

At the end, we will realize that it is not what other people say or do that generate disharmony and unhappiness in us. It is ourselves attached to our own mind, and attached to whatever the mind like and doesn't like, and attach to all the names and forms that the mind come in contact with through the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and thinking, and being disturbed or affected or influenced or determined by all the names and forms that either our mind likes or doesn't like, and generate craving and aversion. And when this craving and aversion is not being gratified or satisfied, the mind or the ego get agitated or irritated or angry...

It is meaningless to waste our energy in vain arguments for a few minutes to prove that "we are right" or "we are good", and disturb the equilibrium of the mind for a few days depending on how fast or how efficient that we can let it go. It will take many days for the mind to calm down and return to tranquility and peace...

Without tranquility or peace in the mind, it is not possible to meditate...

Note that this practice of letting go of arguments or to prove that we are right, only apply to those who are really interested and sincere in the path of yoga and meditation for Self-realization. This is part of the practice to annihilate the ego and purify the mind which is the main practice of yoga and Buddhism. It is not possible for us to attain real peace as long as we are still attached strongly to the ego, identifying with the ego, and being influenced by the ego, the pride and arrogance, the cravings and aversions in the mind. We might be enjoying momentary peace and happiness that come from doing the things or getting the things that we like and want. But we might be getting upset and become restless with all the impurities that arise in the mind whenever the mind come in contact with all the names and forms and generates countless and endless cravings and aversions. There is restlessness, doubt, fear and worry. There is no peace.

Anyone who are not really interested to tread the path of yoga and meditation to control the mind, or to know the Truth, or to attain eternal unconditional and unchangeable peace and happiness, they can choose to do whatever they like to do and don't do, and react in whatever ways that they like... Be happy.

Anyone who really wants to learn about yoga must first let go of pride and arrogance, be very humble, to put down what we have learned in the past, to let go of what we think we know and who we think we are, to be open-minded to receive the teachings of yoga and try to practice the teachings sincerely. And then slowly we will realize whether the teachings of yoga is true or not true, whether it can help us to attain real peace and happiness or not...

If a person with so much pride and arrogance about what he or she knows in the past, goes to a yoga teacher to hear about the teachings of yoga, he or she will have strong rejection and arguments with the teacher when the teacher talks about the teachings of yoga that are contradicted with what he or she used to believe in. He or she will get very irritated hearing what they don't like to hear or don't agree with. There is nothing wrong with that. We don't have to agree with everything that we hear. Even the Buddha didn't want anyone to believe in what he taught but everyone has to practice and find out the Truth by themselves through their own effort. And it doesn't matter whether the people get the benefits from the teachings or not. It is up to the people themselves to realize the Truth. Just by hearing the teachings will not make a person transcends suffering. But we do need to be open-minded to try to practice the teachings accordingly to find out whether it is true or not true.

If we (the ego) get angry when hearing the teacher says something that we cannot accept or cannot agree with, that is nothing to do with whether what the teacher says is right or wrong. It is the attachment towards what we know and what we believe in and the ego doesn't like it and gets irritated or feels being challenged when we hear something that are different from what we know or what we agree with. In hearing the same teachings, somebody will generate irritation, while some other people will generate contentment and gratefulness. But the teachings itself has no quality or intention to make anyone irritated or contented. It is up to our own mind on how it reacts towards something that it perceives...

And this is what we are practicing, learn to observe whatever the mind comes in contact with and stop generate cravings or aversions towards all the different names and forms whether our mind agree or disagree with. Learn to know who is getting irritated, angry or upset when we hear something that we don't like to hear or don't agree with. And find out actually what makes us getting angry? Is it the objects out there or is it coming from the pride and arrogance from our own ego, and the attachment and disagreement from our own mind (being attached to our own ideas, believes, thinkings)?

If we are being arrogant about what we believe in and have strong rejection towards some other things that are different from what we believe in, and argue with other people, and try to change other people to be like us, to think like us, to behave like us, then we are only creating more disturbance and disharmony in our mind.

And yet, whether we can understand the teachings or not, whether we can practice the teachings or not, and whether we agree with the teachings or have strong rejection and disagreement with the teachings, we all already have the opportunity to come in contact with the grace of Yoga. We will start to contemplate on higher thinking eventually. Disagreement arise due to the intellect comes in contact with something that it doesn't recognize or doesn't familiar with, and the ego rejects whatever the intellect cannot perceive or comprehend. But this also means, the teachings of yoga has already went into the mind... One day, when the time is right, when the body and the mind is ready, all these teachings will bubble up to the surface of the mind and help the person to transcend the egoistic mind... And be free.

Om shanti.

The practice of mind control (Raja Yoga) - renunciation and silence

2011-11-04T08:16:00.016+08:00

There are many different types of personalities or temperaments in those who are interested in learning and practicing the ancient techniques of how to control the mind and how to be really peaceful and happy through the path of yoga and meditation.

It doesn't matter what type of personality that we have, some of us (the mind and the ego) might prefer a passionate outgoing life and like to be active and sociable, some of us might prefer to live a quiet inner life and have less social activities for conserving energy and focus on yoga and meditation practice for Self-realization, and some of us find a balance point between the active sociable outgoing life and the quiet inner life (this exists in those who have self-discipline and self-control).

There is nothing wrong with all these different types of temperaments in different people.

That's why there are many different paths in yoga to suit all types of temperaments people.

People who are outgoing and like to be active and sociable are suitable for Karma Yoga (the path of selfless action or renounce from the fruit of action) and Bhakti Yoga (the path of devotion).

People who are not outgoing are suitable for Raja Yoga (the path of mind control) and Jnana Yoga (the path of wisdom).

All paths are not separated from each other and will lead to mental peace, contentment and annihilation of the ego (selflessness and compassion) if the practice is being performed with correct attitude and effort. You'll see Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Jnana Yoga and Raja Yoga in connection with each other. You'll be practicing all these paths at the same time when you come to the state of purity and selflessness.

But, no matter which type of yoga or what type of path, the practice of non-attachment, dispassion and right discrimination, having intense yearning for liberation and the cultivation of the sixfold paths - tranquility of mind, control of the senses, satiety (renounce from worldly objects, enjoyments and activities), the power of endurance and forbearance, immovable faith (in God, in the teacher, in the teachings), and indifference (balance of mind or equanimity), are the essential basic qualities or cultivation in a Sadhaka or Yogi.

The path of mind control is to turn the outgoing mind inward and make the mind introspective.

In order to achieve this inward state of mind, the observation of Self-restraint (control of our own thoughts, action and speech), morality, silence (Mauna) and celibacy (control of sexual desire), the practice of Asana, Pranayama, Pratyahara (withdrawal of the senses from the objects of the senses) and one-pointedness of mind (concentration), lessening the number of thoughts, the cultivation of mental non-attachment and reduction of wants and desires, avoid too much talking or walking, avoid too much eating or fasting, avoid too much physical activities, avoid too much mixing with worldly minded people, avoid novel and newspaper-reading, avoid visiting cinemas or movies watching, develop Antarmukha-Vritti (making the outgoing tendency of the mind turn inward upon itself), and etc, all these are the very important practice in the path of yoga and meditation.

These practice are not just to purify and calming the mind, but also to conserve energy and channel the externalizing energy turn inward for spiritual Sadhana to realize the Truth.

All these practice can be performed and should be performed while living in the midst of the distracting world of names and forms. If we only can observe these practice while in an Ashram or in a retreat centre for a short period of time, but once we go back into the worldly life, we cannot or do not follow and continue all these practice, and are constantly being distracted and disturbed by all the names and forms, then whatever practice we perform will not bring us to the real peace (free from doubts, ignorance, fear and worry).

At one moment we might feel peaceful and at some other times, we might feel unpeaceful and restless due to the fluctuation of the mind activities or mental thought-waves (come from all the inputs - perception of names and forms through the senses; and outputs - expression of ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions and egoism through action and speech, physically and mentally).

Yoga and meditation is to starve the mind or deprive the mind from activities (ideas and thoughts) by Vairagya and Tyaga (renunciation of desires, objects and egoism).

But this type of inner life is being criticized by the passionate worldly people as "anti-social". But a true Yogi or Sadhaka is not a bit disturbed nor moved by this type of criticism that comes from the worldly minded people, it's because they cannot understand the importance of the practice of renunciation and silence, and they have not yet experience the eternal and real inner peace that comes from renunciation and silence. Worldly minded passionate people seek after the momentary and conditional satisfaction and happy feelings that come from doing the things and getting the objects that we want and like. There is nothing wrong with this. But when things don't turn out the way that we want them to be, we'll get disappointed, frustrated and unhappy, forever restless being influenced and over-powered by all the attachments, and the craving and aversion in our own mind.

When the mind is rendered pure, calm and at peace, undisturbed nor distracted by all the names and forms, then this Yogi or Sadhaka can mix freely in the world to perform selfless service but will not be influenced nor affected by the world and the fruit of action, as he is firmly established in non-attachment and renunciation. He can be truly compassionate when he knows non-attachment and renunciation. He won't be disturbed nor affected by the result of his compassionate actions. There is no difference between respectful and disrespectful, success and failure, good and bad beings, censure and praise, happiness and suffering. He is unconditioned by all the names and forms of good and bad.

Be free. Be really peaceful and happy.

Om shanti.

When the outgoing tendencies of the mind are arrested, when the mind is restrained within the heart, when all its attention is turned on itself alone, that condition is Antarmukha-Vritti. The Sadhaka can do a lot of Sadhana when he has this inward Vritti. Vairagya and introspection help a lot in the attainment of this mental state.

He who has controlled his mind is really happy and free.

from Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (6)

2011-11-04T01:43:00.003+08:00

Too much physical exertion, too much talking, too much eating, too much mixing with ladies and undesirable persons, too much walking, cause distraction of mind. Those who practise concentration must abandon these things. Whatever work you do, do it with perfect concentration. Never leave the work without finishing it completely.

过多体力活动消耗太多的体力，交谈太多，饮食过多，太多社交活动,和女士们以及不良好的人物混合一起，行走过多，都会导致意识分散集中力。那些练习专注的人必须放弃这些东西。无论你做任何工作，都要以完美的集中力去做。在工作还没有完成之前不要离开它。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (5)

2011-11-04T01:37:00.003+08:00

The mind thinks of words and their meanings. While at other times it thinks of objects. When you attempt to have one-pointedness of mind, you must make the mind not to think of objects and the words and their meanings.

意识会想到文字词语，和它们的含义。而在其他时候，它会想到事物。当您尝试让意识集中在一个意念上，你必须让意识不去想念和思考事物，文字词语和它们的含义。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (4)

2011-11-04T01:31:00.002+08:00

Worldly pleasures intensify the desire for enjoying greater pleasures. Hence the mind of worldlings is very restless. There is no satisfaction and mental peace. Mind can never be satisfied, whatever amount of pleasure you may store up for it. The more it enjoys the pleasures, the more it wants them. So people are exceedingly troubled and bothered by their own minds. Hence in order to remove these botherations and troubles the Rishis thought it best to deprive the mind of all sensual pleasures. When the mind has been concentrated or made extinct, it cannot pinch one to seek for further pleasure, and all botherations and troubles are removed for ever and the person attains real peace.

世俗享乐加强希望享有更大程度的享乐的欲望。因此，世俗人的心灵是非常的焦躁不安。没有满足和没有平静的心灵。无论您可能会储存起来多大数量的快感，但意识永远无法满足。越是享受享乐，越更希望得到它们。因此人们极度的困扰，烦恼自己的心灵。因此为了消除这些困扰与烦恼，圣人认为最好是剥夺意识所有的感官享乐。当意识得到了集中或绝迹，它将不能捏住心灵去寻求无穷无尽的享乐。所有的困扰与烦恼都将被永远的删除。此人的心灵将会达到真正的平静。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (3)

2011-11-03T17:43:00.003+08:00

A man whose mind is filled with passion and all sorts of fantastic desires can hardly concentrate on any object even for a second. Celibacy, Pranayama, reduction of wants and activities, renunciation of sensual objects, solitude, silence, discipline of the senses, annihilation of lust, greed, anger, non-mixing with undesirable persons, giving up of newspaper-reading and visiting cinemas, all increase the power of concentration.

当一个人的心中充满了激情和各种梦幻般的欲望，他将是难以集中于任何事物，甚至是一秒钟。独身(限制性活动)，调息，减少欲望和活动，放弃感官的对象，独处，沉默，纪律所有的感官，毁灭欲望，贪婪，愤怒，不与不良的人混合在一起，放弃阅读报纸和到访电影院，这些所有都会增强集中力。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (2)

2011-11-02T21:07:00.004+08:00

Practice concentration of the mind. Fix the mind on one object, on one idea. Withdraw the mind again and again when it runs away from Lakshya and fix it there. Do not allow the mind to create hundreds of thought-forms. Introspect and watch the mind carefully. Live alone. Avoid company. Do not mix. This is important.

训练集中意识。固定在一个物件，一种理念。当意识出离内心时，一次又一次地把它带回和维持在那里。不要让意识创造数以百计的思想形式。内省和小心看守意识。独居。避免同伴。不要混杂社交人群。这是很重要的。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

Swami Sivananda's words of wisdom - Concentration and Meditation (1)

2011-11-02T11:23:00.006+08:00

Keeping the balance of mind in pleasure and in pain, in heat and in cold, in gain and in loss, in success and in failure, in praise and in censure, in respect and in disrespect, is real wisdom.

在喜悦与痛苦之中，在热与冷之中，在收获与损失之中，在成功与失败之中，在赞美与毁谤之中，在尊重与不尊重之中，得以保持平衡的心态，是真正的智慧。

Concentration and Meditation - Swami Sivananda

A Yogi is not determined by the ability and the condition of the physical body...

2011-11-01T14:45:00.002+08:00

It is not necessary that a spiritual giant should have a muscular body. The greatest Jnani may also be tubercular patient. There is no contradiction between the two.

一个灵性修行圣者未必会有强壮健全的身体。最伟大的智者也可能是结核病患者。两者之间并没有出现任何的矛盾。

Swami Sivananda

Anyway, a real yogi doesn’t need to labeling or naming or calling himself or herself a “yogi”…

There’s no “good” or “bad” yogi if he or she is a real yogi…

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 10 & part 11

2011-10-23T13:39:00.004+08:00

Here is part 10 & part 11 - Headstand & post-headstand exercises (shoulderstand, plough, fish and final relaxation - savasan)

I didn't edit this part. The first few minutes is just basic headstand without any variations. Usually in a video that demonstrates headstand, it only shows about the variations of headstand moving in motion. I didn't edit it to show that it is important to stay in the headstand without any variations for as long as possible and comfortably without checking on the time. It is not the time that matters, but being able to stay in the pose comfortably for a long period of time without the idea of time, without changing the pose or posture. This can train the body and mind to be patient and to develop strong determination and will-power.

It is essential to stay in the headstand for a minimum of 5-15 minutes for getting the effects or benefits of performing headstand. At the beginning, one may stay in the headstand just for a few seconds, and then keep practice until one can stay up to 5 - 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if someone still cannot perform headstand after many times of practice, or someone who has some health complications or physical injuries that don't allow him or her to perform headstand, know that this doesn't determine whether we can practice yoga or not, or whether we are practicing yoga or not.

Peace, compassion and selflessness is nothing to do with the ability of our physical body to perform the asana poses/exercises. Anyone whether can perform headstand or not, can stay in headstand for a few seconds or for a few minutes, is still practicing yoga when they have unconditional love and peace, when they are selfless and compassionate, when they know non-attachment, when they have self-control over their own thoughts, actions and speech.

After coming down from headstand, it is important to stay in child pose for a few moments and then rest in savasan for a few minutes and then followed with some post-headstand counter poses like shoulderstand, plough and fish. This can help to release any muscles tightness that arise during headstand, and to balance up the energy fields and to ensure maximum benefits.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 9

2011-10-23T07:48:00.000+08:00

Here is part 9.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 8

2011-10-22T17:35:00.001+08:00

Here is part 8.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 7

2011-10-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

Here is part 7.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 6

2011-10-22T17:26:00.001+08:00

Here is part 6.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 5

2011-10-22T17:14:00.003+08:00

Here is part 5.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 4

2011-10-22T14:19:00.003+08:00

Here is part 4.

Just practice. Keep practice. No judgment. No comparison, No expectation. No craving. No aversion.

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 3

2011-10-22T13:06:00.008+08:00

Here is part 3.

For the leg lift exercises usually I do as many times as my body can do. Sometimes I do more, sometimes I do less. There's no need to count how many times. It is not important how many times we can lift the legs up, and it's not that every one can keep the legs completely straight nor can open the legs as wide as some people do, it's fine. Everyone has a different body type, different physical limitation, and different flexibility and strength. If the lower back is not strong enough or there's some back problems, then put the palms down side by side under the buttocks to support the lower back. If there's some injuries or physical limitations that you cannot perform certain exercises, then don't do it or make some adjustments. Even if your body cannot perform any of the exercises or poses, you still can practice yoga.

Love and peace has nothing to do with whether our body is strong and flexible or not.

Yoga is not determined by how strong and flexible our body is. Yoga is not determined by how many times we can lift the legs up, nor how long we can stand on our head, nor how far our fingers can touch the toes. It's about developing non-attachment and accepting the reality as it is at the present moment.

It doesn't mean that we are "bad" or "weak" in practicing yoga if we can only do 5 leg lifts, and it doesn't mean that we are very "good" or "strong" in practicing yoga if we can do 200 leg lifts. Just do whatever your body can do at the present moment when you are doing it. Every time or every practice it might be different. Sometimes the body is more energetic and sometimes it is less energetic. Sometimes it is more flexible and sometimes it is less flexible. That is the nature of impermanence.

Learn to be comfortable in all the exercises, not struggling and not forcing our body to go beyond its limitation. Relaxed into all the poses and hold as long as you can comfortably. Slowly the body will build up strength and flexibility.

Even if the body still not strong or flexible to perform certain poses after many years of practice, it's fine. That doesn't determine that we are good or bad in practicing yoga.

Learn to accept the condition of our body as it is, and be comfortable with our body as it is at the present moment now. Not comparing ourselves with our own past experience. Not projecting into the future what we want our body to become. Let the result or the benefits come naturally. Allow the strength and flexibility to come naturally. Even though we don't know what are the benefits from doing the exercises or not having any expectation from doing the exercises, the benefits will still be there. It won't increase when we know about it or have expectation. It won't decrease nor disappear when we don't know about it nor not having any expectation. Not comparing with other people nor try to become somebody else that we are not.

Be comfortable with ourselves for who we are, what we are, how we are, where we are, what we are doing and not doing, what we can do and cannot do. There's no craving nor aversion. There's no craving to become more strong, more flexible, more happy, more wise, or more peaceful... Because "we" are not determined by all these qualities... We are eternal peace itself. We don't become peaceful or unpeaceful, that impermanent changing "peacefulness" and "unpeacefulness" is just the impermanent state of the mind... We are not the mind, but we are aware of all the states of the mind. There's no aversion towards what we are now, how we are now, where we are now, what we are doing or not doing, what we can do or cannot do.

Peace is always there in us. It never increase nor decrease. This peace is not determined nor conditioned by the impermanent condition of our body or the ability of our body to do this or that...

Om shanti.

my yoga asana practice part 2

2011-10-22T12:40:00.003+08:00

Here is part 2. The video clips are a little choppy in this part.

my yoga asana practice part 1

2011-10-21T22:18:00.006+08:00

This is a sample of my daily yoga asana practice to share with those who want to know what I usually do for my personal asana practice.

Asana practice is an important practice in the path of Yoga to help us in purifying and controlling the mind, to render the mind calm and being at the present, as well as rendering the body strong and flexible preparing for meditation and to perform selfless service.

During the asana practice we learn to let go of judgment, comparison and expectation towards ourselves and other people. We learn to accept the present moment now as it is. We learn to accept ourselves as we are. We learn to accept the reality of the present moment now as it is, not necessary the way that we want it to be or the way that we think it should be.

It will not be the same in every session of asana practice (even if we perform the same asana routine). We learn about impermanence and allow impermanence to happen and accept the impermanence as it is. We learn to accept the ever-changing condition of the body as it is. We learn to let go of craving and aversion. We learn to let go of the ego.

When the body needs rest from the asana practice, I don't do any asana practice for that time being. But yoga practice is always there continuously, in every moment, never ceased.

Here the asana poses were being held for a shorter period of time during the video recording and the resting time in between the asana poses was being edited for suitable viewing.

In my daily personal practice, it takes about 2 and a half hours to 3 hours to complete one session of asana practice. The asana poses are being held as long as my body feels like holding comfortably. The sun salutation is repeated minimum 10-20 rounds up to as many rounds as my body feels like doing. The resting time or relaxation in between the exercises or the asana poses is at least 15-30 seconds up to a few minutes depending on what type of exercises or poses and also depending on how my body feels after the exercise or the asana pose. The final relaxation is as long as my body wants to be completely at rest.

Om shanti.

An advice to a yoga teacher

2011-10-17T15:29:00.011+08:00

At some point, no matter you have a full time job or just teach yoga, you will need to have your own time to concentrate on your own practice and not doing any jobs or teaching classes. You must remember this - teaching yoga is not an obligation. Never feel bad if one day you are not teaching any classes and only do your own practice. Because your own practice will always be more important than to help others to do their practice. If we ourselves have not been "there", how can we tell other people how to get "there". If we have no peace, how can we share and guide others how to be peaceful?

Everyone's biggest duty or responsibility is upon our own self, our own path, our own practice, our own liberation. After we ourselves found "that", then only we can share "that" with others.

If Buddha didn't go away for many years for finding his own liberation and became enlightened, attained peace and have the knowledge of wisdom, how could he came back to the world to share his path and guide other people to the path of liberation or enlightenment?

One should not feel bad or guilty because he or she has to let go of their everyday duty or responsibilities towards their family and friends and the society to concentrate on their own practice in search for liberation. It is a noble action to find liberation in our own self first. Only the fool and ignorant minds will criticize those who let go of everything (worldly activities and worldly responsibilities) to do their own practice.

Teaching yoga comes later afterwards after we know what is yoga. We cannot teach yoga if we don't know "exactly" what is yoga. We teach yoga classes and share yoga with others it's not because we "want" to teach or "want" to share or "want" to help other people, or to make money, but it naturally happens at anytime, anywhere, anyhow, even if we don't have any intention to share or teach yoga. Even when we are alone by our own self, not doing anything or teaching or sharing, the sharing and teaching is still there. We our own self, this body and this mind, is also one of the beings that need to be helped, need to learn, need to be taught, need to be compassionate towards at, need to be taken care of, need to perform spiritual practice, need to be purified, need to be liberated. That's why "yourself" always come first. You are your own first and last student. Everyone and everything can be our teachers, but you are your own one and only highest teacher.

If we know yoga, whatever we do or don't do, is all yoga.

There's nothing wrong with people who want to learn to become a yoga teacher to teach yoga classes to make money for living. Everyone also can teach yoga as long as they have the sincerity to teach yoga whether mainly for sharing, or to make a living, or for both reasons (yoga teachers need to be able to take care of their own living so that they can be free from anxieties that come from economical difficulty. The living income either is coming from teaching yoga classes or from having some other worldly jobs). But, there is a progression from not knowing yoga -> want to know about yoga -> learn and practice yoga -> knowing yoga and attain the knowledge of yoga -> to share the wisdom of peace or teaching the knowledge of yoga and its practice to others.

"Usually" a person should start with being a yoga student first to learn about yoga and commit into yoga practice, and then, gaining experience and benefits from the yoga practice before he or she aspires to become a yoga teacher to share his or her experiences with other people. There is a progression from never come in contact with yoga or heard about yoga -> come in contact with yoga or heard about yoga -> want to know about yoga -> want to practice yoga -> gaining knowledge of yoga -> gaining experience and benefits from yoga practice -> want to share yoga with others -> want to know how to teach a yoga class -> learn to teach a yoga class -> know how to teach a yoga class -> teaching yoga classes to others.

The fact is, when a person truly knows what is yoga, he or she doesn't need to learn how to teach a yoga class. It's because naturally he or she will know what to share and how to guide others to perform the yoga practices through his or her own experiences. A real yoga teacher doesn't need to go to a school to learn to become a yoga teacher or to learn how to teach a yoga class. It's because a "yoga teacher" is not something that we learn to become. Naturally, we will share the knowledge of yoga with others when we know what is yoga.

The sharing or the teaching is absolutely natural, it's not by learning from the books and teach accordingly to what the books tell us about how a yoga class should be, what to say or what to do, nor by imitating other yoga teachers on how to teach a yoga class. Even though this is possible.

It is possible also if somebody who are teaching yoga classes but they have not much experience in yoga practice but they know the yoga poses and they know how to give instructions on how to perform the yoga poses, and they have not yet knowing what yoga really is about, but in their process of teaching classes, they are learning as well and gaining benefits and experience while teaching classes, and eventually they'll know what is yoga and attain the state of yoga.

Maybe some yoga teachers are not so efficient in giving explanations and are not so confident in giving instructions in a yoga class. But, that is because they have not know what yoga is about. They have not fully attain the knowledge of yoga yet. That's why they don't have the confidence in teaching classes or teaching yoga to other people. They themselves have doubts. They have fear and worries. They have not yet known what is non-attachment and they are not free from ignorance yet. And there is nothing wrong about this either.

Being yoga teachers who are still not free from ignorance yet but having the opportunity to try to share the knowledge of yoga with others and encouraging other people to practice yoga according to the teachings of yoga which they learned from the books or from their yoga teachers at yoga schools, is absolutely possible. It's because it is possible that even though the yoga teachers are not enlightened yet, but one, or some of their students might be benefited from attending these yoga classes conducted by them, and these yoga students can still attain enlightenment through their own understanding, efforts, discipline and realization. This is because the enlightenment is not coming from the teacher. It is from within. Our own Self is our highest and ultimate Guru above all.

Yoga teachers, whether enlightened or not yet enlightened, are just an instrument for the universal consciousness for expounding the teachings of yoga to all, to attain Self-realization through each individual efforts, to be free from suffering and ignorance, to be liberated.

If enlightenment is coming from an enlightened teacher, then all the students of any enlightened teachers would be enlightened already, but it's not. Swami Sivananda was an enlightened Guru, but it is not by being his disciples will guarantee enlightenment. It is up to the aspirants themselves to realize the Truth through their own practice and efforts. A teacher who have not yet enlightened but has learned the teachings of yoga can still share these informations of yoga practice (teachings of yoga) with others even though he or she has not yet grasp the essence of the teachings completely. Buddha was enlightened, but he could not give enlightenment to other people except through sharing and guiding others to practice sincerely by themselves to attain enlightenment. Of course if Buddha himself had no experience at all in the path of enlightenment and had no knowledge about the path of liberation, how could he share the path with anybody?

It is through our own practice, experience and realization that indicates whether we can guide other people to perform the yoga practice "efficiently" and "correctly" or not. We go to a yoga school is because we still don't know what is yoga. If we already knew what is yoga, do we still need to go to a yoga school to learn what is yoga? And so, going to a yoga school is for our own self to learn about yoga and to know how to perform the yoga practice correctly and efficiently from the other experienced yoga teachers. But whether we can teach yoga classes or not later on, it is all up to our own experience and realization. It will come naturally as we practice. Even though we don't call ourselves "yoga teachers" or we don't think that we are doing any teaching, but the sharing will always be there when we come in contact with anybody who needs yoga, out of selflessness and compassion. Forgive anyone who had hurt us or insult us, is sharing yoga with others. Controlling our anger, greed and jealousy is sharing yoga with others. Keep silence and not save hatred with anyone who had been criticizing us is sharing yoga with others. Be patient and cheerful, and endure any difficult situations is sharing yoga with others.

That's why we should concentrate on our own practice, do our own practice sincerely, and let other "things" come naturally, it's not because we "want" to teach yoga class and that's why we go to a yoga school to learn how to become a yoga teacher to teach yoga class.

The entire path of yoga is a journey of learning, practicing, growing, realizing and sharing. And hence, never criticize or look down on any yoga teachers who seem like not yet enlightened and who cannot teach very "good" yoga class.

There are no such things as "I" taught a "good" or "bad" yoga class, "I" am a "good" or "bad" yoga teacher, "I" have how many years of experience in practicing or teaching yoga, or "I" have "good" or "bad" yoga students, in a real yoga teacher.

Some people may have many years of experience in yoga and meditation practice but that doesn't guarantee anything... Some people may not have much experience in yoga and meditation practice, but that doesn't determine anything either.

Some people may be enlightened just by listening to one discourse of the Dharma or during one sitting of meditation. Some people may be going for many discourses and sitting for meditation for many times but still not enlightened yet... Just keep practice. No judgment.

Om shanti.