be free, be happy, be peaceful

May all find the teacher within to guide oneself towards unconditional love and peace

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The gift of Dharma - solution to the problems in everybody and in the world


The world seems like having lots of problems now. But where do all these problems come from? No doubts that they are caused by ourselves, the human beings.

So what is the best solution to solve these problems?

Dharma.

Because no matter how much we try to send the message out there to everyone about the problems that we are facing now in the world and suggest many methods to help solve or ease the problems, but if people are selfish and ignorant without wisdom, then there won't be much changes going on because people just don't care and continue to create more problems while some other people are trying to clean up the mess that is already there.

This is because ignorance is so strongly rooted in many people. Selfishness and thoughtlessness are the products of ignorance.

In order to solve any problems efficiently, it is necessary to root out the cause of the problems.

The problems that we are having now in the world, are not really about people pollute the environment by using lots of plastic bags; or too many cars; or burning down the forest; or cutting down the trees; or pollution that come from factories; or people are harming other living beings by creating wars, riots, racism, hatred, religious differentiations and gangster fighting; or lots of crimes like robbery, rapes, assaults, and murders done by cold hearted human beings.

All these are the reflections or results or symptoms of ignorance.

No doubt that all these happenings are causing damages to the environment and causing painful suffering for many people in the world, but we need to know what is the root cause for all these happenings, then only we can really solve the problems directly and efficiently.

Actually all these actions are derived from ignorance in human beings. Ignorance is the root cause for all these meaningless stupid and evil actions done by many people who are responsible for all the consequences from their selfish actions but everyone claim that they did nothing wrong and they are not responsible for any damages.

To eradicate ignorance, there is only one thing - wisdom.

But how to attain wisdom?

Through dharma teachings and its practice in life.

Dharma is available and accessible for everyone who wish to attain wisdom and to eradicate ignorance from their mind, disregard what type of personality, race, creed, religion, profession, nationality, young or old, men or women, smart or less smart.

The gift of dharma is for all living beings. It is more important and efficient than just by trying to tell people what they should do and should not do. Because most of the people don't have the wisdom or conscience to understand how does one's actions can cause so much damage to the environment; and it is difficult for ignorant people to accept that their actions is contributing to the pollutions in the world; and it is not easy to advice them about taking care of the welfare of the environment and not to harm other being's live and feelings.


People who have very strong ego will not like to listen to other people telling them what they should do and should not do. They rather will do the opposite way of what have been told, to show their arrogance and stubbornness.


They will ignore what they were told about should do and should not do. They will remain selfish, thoughtless and ignorant. Maybe at the beginning, some people will try to co-operate and do something beneficial in a campaign. But after a while, the campaign will cool off and no one cares anymore.

It is like there are many cases of deadly road accidents caused by reckless and irresponsible drivers in everywhere in the world. All these people are not just risking their own lives but also risking other people's lives. Due to their selfishness and ignorance, they had caused so much painful sorrow to other people and their family and friends by causing injuries and deaths to those innocent people.

Some of these irresponsible people did know that their behaviors were selfish. But due to their anger and frustration towards other people and not happy with their own lives and angry with the world, they purposely wanted to be selfish and meant to drive recklessly and with the intention of causing damages and hurting other people too. And they didn't feel any regret or sorry about their actions at all.

Sometimes road accidents were not caused by the recklessness of the drivers, but because there were some mischievous or selfish people in the world who had intentionally or unintentionally create some obstructions such like double parking on the road side or put some foreign objects on the road that had caused accidents to happen. This was a very selfish act of irresponsibility and had caused painful suffering to some other innocent people.

Some selfish ignorant people also use the road as a place to commit suicide, which is very irresponsible as well because they are taking some other innocent lives with them or cause injuries and damages to other people just because they don't want to live anymore.

Most of the people did not know that their actions were so ignorant and selfish, and would cause damages to themselves and to other people too, because they are ignorant. Some people thought that they just want to have some fun and excitement to get rid of their boredom and to release their extra energy by driving fast and do some ''stunt moves'' with their cars.

There are many people who use hand phone while driving; or they are busy talking with the other passengers in the car; or their mind is busy thinking of some other things not concentrate in driving and not paying any attentions on the road; or merely some people just don't have the good skill on driving safely such like not knowing how to use the indicator or not obeying the traffic lights or signs; or people are just being impatient and wanted to drive fast. Driving fast is not necessary dangerous if the driver is well skilled and paying attention on his driving, while some people might be driving too slow and could cause some accidents to happen as well. But sometimes the machine is not in our control especially when the speed is too fast.

Some people will be feeling regret and guilty throughout their whole life if they survived the car crash due to their selfishness and ignorance, and had caused injuries or deaths to some other people.


It is not because people have never seen or came across with a ''safety driving'' campaign before.

All these ''safety driving'' campaigns and ''dangerous reckless driving will cause deaths'' campaigns were being held and advertised almost everywhere in the world, and in all the countries where they have roads and cars; to educate the people and to advise the people to drive safely and responsibly for their own lives and the lives of others.

But how come there are still so many serious road accidents happening everywhere and all the times?

What is the cause for all these suffering?

It is the ignorance and selfishness that is deep rooted in everyone's mind. People are not thoughtful for other people and are not aware of their actions could be so harmful and deadly. People are driving while they are arguing with family or friends; people drive after taking alcohol or drugs; people drive while talking or texting on the hand phone; people drive while listening to loud and exciting music; people are busy doing something else instead of paying attention on the road, and so on...

If these people have some wisdom; if they have a little bit of thoughtfulness for other people and for themselves; or if they have a little bit of patience, then they won't be risking their lives and the lives of others too.

People are ignorant because they have not came across with dharma or they don't like the teachings of dharma even though they have heard about it. No one likes to listen to dharma talks unless they are interested in becoming a better person; or want to realize the Truth; or want to come out from miseries and be happy.


If we can plant the seed of dharma into people's heart, then slowly and eventually people will unleash the wisdom within themselves layer by layer; and slowly it will eradicate ignorance and selfishness from people's mind. People will start to realize what is going on; have awareness and will start to do something beneficial for themselves and other living beings for the welfare of the world. And this selfless action is done by people out of wisdom and understanding. People do it willingly out of awareness and not because they were told by other people to do so.

If all the world leaders and religion leaders are wise, compassionate and selfless, there will be less violence and painful suffering due to wars and killings. If all the teachers and leaders of the society are wise, compassionate and selfless, there will be less crimes and unhappy happenings in our society and daily lives.

If every human being is wise, compassionate and selfless, there will be less unhappiness, anger, hatred, jealousy, lies, conflicts, depression, heart broken and heartache in our personal lives.

If everybody is wise, compassionate and selfless, this world is a heaven on earth.

Why do so many people turn to alcohol and drugs, committing crimes and hurting other people?

It is because they are angry, frustrated, discontent, not peaceful and very unhappy.

And why are they so unhappy?

It's because of ignorance without wisdom. Anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, lust and arrogance that create irritation; frustration; dissatisfaction; disappointment and unhappiness, are the impurities that sprung from ignorance. When a person is unhappy, he or she will cause unhappiness to other people around him or her; and then these people also become unhappy and will cause more unhappiness to some other people around them... At the end these unhappiness will eventually come back to him or her, who had caused this unhappiness at the beginning... It is never ending of unhappiness starting from one person and keep growing into a big wheel of unhappiness involving many other people; starting from one point of the wheel and it will come back to the same point again.

People are becoming more selfish because they are angry with other people's selfishness!

The more selfish a person becomes, the stronger the ignorance is within him or her.

What a big wheel of selfishness and ignorance growing bigger and bigger...

If every human being is observing right conducts; right understanding and right livelihood; and attain spiritual realization; everywhere will be filled with love and kindness; without lust and evil thoughts; without harms and painful sorrows; although we all still have to go through the natural process of old age, illness and death. But if we have wisdom, we will know that actually our true Self is never been born and never dies. It is not affected by old age, illness, pain or death to this physical body of us. We are the immortal Self, ever exist without a beginning and without an end.

By understanding this, we will have no fear and worries at all.

When a person has realized the Truth and is entirely detached from all the names and forms in this world, he or she is not affected by all the elements and dualities in this world. There is no more arguments or debates.

But if a person has not realized the Truth and is attached to the names and forms either strongly or just a little, then he or she is still bound by the duality in this world. He or she is affected by all the elements and dualities in this world.

We need to contemplate on the dharma that we have heard; analyze it; practice it and realize the Truth by ourselves, then we will truly understand and know what was our ancient dharma teachers trying to tell us and teach us actually.

May we all develop wisdom and join together to make the world a better place for all beings to live in.


Monday, June 15, 2009

Yoga teacher and right education



Right education is so important for our younger generations because they are our future leaders of the world. If they have right understanding and right conduct, if they are selfless and wise, then there will be positive changes in the world later, individually, socially, environmentally or politically and so on.

But sadly, lots of selfish and ignorant people have taken advantage of the education and media network to manipulate and corrupt the minds of these young people, implanting selfishness, racism, anger, hatred and untruthfulness into these naive young minds.

Yoga classes are a form of education too, not just physically and mentally but also spiritually. It depends very much on the teacher's perspectives and his or her intention of giving Yoga classes, whether it is for spiritual realization or not.


As Yoga teachers, we need to be able to propagate the real teaching of Yoga. Which is based on truthfulness, dispassion, discrimination of real and unreal, self control, morality, equality, selflessness, compassion, wisdom, right thinking and right effort.

In order to spread the teaching of Yoga and its practice, we should be able to practice what we teach, and not just preaching what we have heard from our Guru or what we have read from books, and without real practice and understanding in ourselves.


We should have correct understanding, self control, morality, dispassion, discrimination of real and unreal, equality, compassion, selflessness, confidence, humility, right conduct, right thinking and right effort. Then only we can guide the students and encourage them to follow and practice what is taught in the scripture.


We need to know the teaching of Vedanta - Yoga philosophy, and practice it by hard and with sincerity in everyday life. Then only we can spread the teaching to the people who want to learn from us and want to know about Yoga and its meanings.


We need to have very strong faith and firm believes in the scripture of this ancient teaching for self realization. We need to be humble and really confident in the teaching and in our own practice too, then only we can have the power to touch people's hearts or their souls.

Having pride and arrogance in us by attaching to the name and form of being a Yoga teacher will not help the students to become wise and towards self realization.


We need to have certain degree of understanding of the Vedanta, then only we can share this knowledge with all the people who wish to know the real meaning of Yoga and its practice.


We need to remain humble, free from pride and arrogance. And detached from our duty and responsibility, detached from the results and outcomes of what we have done - the fruit of actions, detached from the achievements of the students, detached from praise and criticism, and free from all expectations.

We need to purify our own self, our thoughts, actions and speech, before we can ask the students to do so. Purification of the body and mind is the main practice through out the whole life every moment.


We need to be able to eradicate lustful and evil thoughts, and minimize our cravings and desires, and able to deal with our own feelings and emotions, and stay detached from our ego. Then only we can guide the students to do the same and help them in their daily practice.


We should be truthful and selfless in our everyday life, not just having an image of a Yoga teacher in front of the students preaching truthfulness and selflessness but being untruthful and selfish outside the classes. Only then the students will respect what we are teaching to them.

If we ourselves do not follow and practice what the Scripture said and what our Guru taught us, then what are we teaching to the students in the Yoga class actually?

Merely capable of perform many Asana postures and teaching others to do many Asana postures, without emphasize on Vedanta in everyday life, will not help ourselves and anyone else to come out of miseries and to achieve peacefulness.

No wonder some people complain that they are still a very unhappy person and didn't get any spiritual understanding after attending Yoga classes for some times. Although they had benefited from the Asana exercise to improve their flexibility, fitness level and physical health. But because they have no right understanding of Vedanta and don't know how to deal with difficulties and emotional problems in life, and instead they had turned to alcohol and drugs to make themselves feel better by the end of the day, to get by and for that temporary excitement and runaway from their problems.

After the effect of the alcohol and drugs is gone, they will continue feeling depressed and unhappy with themselves, their lives and other people and happenings in the world.

They are in depression most of the time and so unhappy and angry with the world and their lives.

But Yoga practice and carry out the teaching of Vedanta in everyday life will really help them and free themselves from miseries, depression, anger, frustration and unhappiness.

No doubt that after a good well-paced and well-balanced Yoga Asana session with a very good final relaxation will bring a certain level of peacefulness into our mind and new energy into the body system, makes us feeling good and fresh.

But without practicing Vedanta in our daily lives, we will still be caught in worldly attachments, strong egoism and ignorance.

And our emotion is going up and down very often according to the different events that we are encountering every moment.

We might still be generating lots of evil and negative thoughts, doing selfish and ignorant actions, and speaking untruthful and harsh words.

And this will continue to create more tension and negative energy into our mind and the body system, which makes the good feeling and peacefulness that we had gained from doing Yoga Asana and the relaxation disappears into thin air and we continue caught up in the daily ups and downs in life, feeling angry, upset, depressed, jealous, low self esteem, and full of fear and worries.

Sometimes when we go to a real Yoga class, the teacher does not teach any Asana at all, but giving discourses on Vedanta or purification approach to the students which really benefits them in life. People are touched and making an effort to practice Vedanta in their lives.

After a few months later, the students will feedback to the teacher that they actually becoming happier, more patient and stronger in their heart when dealing with their everyday life's happenings. They are more loving and selfless when being with their family and friends. Their family and friends had noticed the changes in them and also influenced by their cheerfulness, positiveness and new great energy.


This is what we call a real Yoga class.

It has the power of touching people's heart and let them to have a little or significant positive changes in their thoughts, actions and speech. It is healing their painful hearts and bring meanings into their lives. They had became a selfless and confident person, and become an understanding human being full of compassion and having self control all the time.

They are attracting more and more positive energy, positive people and happenings around them. Their lives had changed and improved, doesn't matter a little or a lot.

Everyone needs time to evolve doesn't matter slow or fast, but at least it is moving towards positive evolution.

I believe there are many good and real Yoga teachers out there. They know what they are doing and are propagating the real meaning of Yoga to many people in the world, making our lives more meaningful and peaceful, and also making the world a better and happier place for everyone to live in.

I am grateful for having them in the world and with a humble heart, I pay respect and bow to these great Yoga teachers. Thank you for being here.

May their compassion and mission shine forever.

May we all attain true happiness and true freedom.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

morality and self control




Well, due to the different culture and belief of the eastern people and the western people, we all might have different standard of the meaning of ‘morality’. But self control is the main subject here. Because at the end it doesn’t matter what type of morality we are practicing, it is the self control that matter most. Without self control, there is no morality at all.

We are talking about the code of right conduct that is given in the teaching of Yoga and Buddhism. They both are similar teaching. Although one talks about God, and the other doesn’t. But when we understood that everything is the same and no difference at all between existence and non existence, life and death, happiness and suffering, we will understand that it is doesn’t matter if there is a God or there is no God.

Anyway God is infinite and indescribable. We all are depending on a source to be exist in this world. Lives are depending very much on the elements that which are not in our own control. We are all the same when we have pain, sorrow, heart broken, disappointment, anger, jealousy, greed, wickedness, selfishness, aggressiveness, fears, worries, passion, lust, ignorance, arrogance, happy, joy, love, compassion, good and evil will and all types of feelings and emotions, whether there is God or no God, whether we believe in God or don’t believe in God.

We should respect everyone’s belief and no need to argue or debate about God and no God, ‘your’ God, ‘his’ God or ‘my’ God. Anyway if there is a God, He does not belong to anybody or to any name and form that we human beings put on to Him. He doesn’t belong to any church or temple or any name and form that we give to those buildings that people go for prayers and contemplation.

He is He. He is not mine, not yours, not theirs. He is everyone’s guardian, parent, friend, lover, companion, healer, teacher or anything that we would like Him to be. Everyone deserves Him. It doesn’t matter when we think ourselves or others are good or not good. Because He is all pervading, all love and compassion, all powerful and infinite.

If we want to attain God, we need to purify our impurities and take away the differentiation of dualities. We need to know what is intentionless, non-duality, without qualities, and namelessness and formlessness. If we don’t understand what are these things, then we are building up an invisible wall between God and us which prevents us to realize Him. We thought God didn’t love us. We would question God why did he allow so much sufferings and unfair happenings in the world. God is always here with us whether sometimes we are good and happy, and sometimes we are not so good and unhappy. Even when we are still full of impurities and ignorance, when we are being imperfect, whether our body is clean or dirty, whether we are sleeping or awake, God has never left us, He is always with us, guiding us and shows us the way to see Him or feel Him in our heart not with this fleshy eyes. Because God is namelessness and formlessness without attributes. We can’t perceive Him through our fleshy eyes and the mind. Whether we believe there’s a God or not, He is always there unmoved by our little mind with qualities, names and forms. It doesn’t matter what languages are we speaking, what cultures are we having, what religions are we talking, God is still the same God at anytime and anywhere.

When we do feel Him, our heart is full of love, peace, joy, compassion and wisdom. There is no words that can express that in definite except being silent and touched. We would repent all our past wrong doings but at the same time also forgive ourselves and let the past go. We would not ask for anything from God if we truly feel Him. Because there is nothing else more precious than feeling Him in our heart. We would see Him in everything and in everyone. We would be content. It is only when we don’t feel Him and feel separation from Him, that we will pray to Him and ask for His blessings.

God doesn’t live in a restricted building or only be at some specific places in the world. He is everywhere and anywhere at all time, from ancient to the future, from before the beginning of existence to the period of existence and to destruction and after destruction. He is within us and without us. He is all pervading, all presence and all knowledge.

How can He be limited by us, human being, into certain name and form? How can He be limited in some small buildings so called church or temple or mosque, comparing to this vast space of unlimited without ending universe?

If we believe there is a God, and we believe in Him and love Him, how can we own Him selfishly and limit Him of his love, power, knowledge, presence and infinity? How can we use His name to hurt and torture other human being’s feelings and cause painful sorrow to others, physically and mentally? And also taking other’s lives away through wars and killings by creating all the differences of boundary, caste, creed and different names of religion?

Some people need a God to be their guide in life, or else they will be lost in this ocean of ignorance, miseries and distractions.

Some people have found their own belief to be their guide to suit their own temperament and convenience, and some people have found their own Self to be the guide.

Are we not the same when death comes to us? Are we not the same when we are angry and have hatred? Are we all not the same when we cry and laugh? Are we all not the same when we want to love someone and want to be loved?

Are we all not breathing the same air from the same space in the same universe?

Are we all not being alive by eating the food and drinking water come from the same earth with the same sun shining on us?

Does the sun only shines on certain religion people and not to the others?

Is the air that we breathe in only accessible for ‘good’ people and not for ‘bad’ people?

Does the earth only let certain human beings to step on it, to live on it and to put so much shit and rubbish on it, and not to other human beings who have different beliefs and religions?

When we lost someone that we loved so much, isn’t it the same painful sorrows for everyone with different religions, skin colours, castes, languages, sexes, cultures and level of education and knowledge?

When we suffer headache, toothache, injuries or sickness, are we all not the same having pain and fear of death and the unknown?

Every religion or philosophy talks about morality.

If we have established a firm self control over our thoughts, speech and actions, we all are the same doesn’t matter what we believe in.

We will check all our out going thoughts, before we generate any speech and action. So that we will not harm or hurt anyone’s feelings, and will not create painful sorrow for other people.

It is not wrong when some people are indulging in passion and lust, or indulging in alcohol and drugs. It is their own rights, freedom and choice, to live the type of life that they want and to do whatever they like to do. As long as they are taking responsibility of the consequences from their lifestyle and doings, they are responsible for themselves and their well being, and they do not hurt anyone physically or emotionally at all.

There are people who steal, rob, rape, assault, kill, cheat and lie to the people that they don’t know.

There are people who made their family and friends or their loved one as their victim of lust and lies.

And there are so many stories of painful sorrow in broken relationships and broken families due to disloyalty and unfaithfulness derive from uncontrolled passionate lust. There are so many victims of rape, assault, accident and diseases derive from sexual activities, alcohol and drugs abuse.

We should think carefully where do all these unhappiness and sufferings come from?

Usually when a person smokes cigarette, it will cause another person suffers from lungs cancer through breathing in the second hand smoke. Can we say that it has got nothing to do with the person who smokes and this person doesn’t have to take any responsibility on the suffering of the person who got sick due to his action?

We all contribute so much pain and suffering to other people whether we are aware of it or not, and most of the time we are ignorant of it.

We won’t feel or understand the pain of others until we ourselves suffer the same type of pain.

But why do we let ourselves hurt so many people’s heart, ruin the good health of our body and wash away the clarity of our mind by being lustful and untruthful, and abusing our body and mind with alcohol and drugs? This is not just harming our own self but also we might hurt someone else and causing painful sorrow to somebody and their loved ones.

When come to Yoga practitioner or Yoga teacher, what is the meaning of our practice if we do not observe morality, not controlling our passion and lust, not being truthful and honest, indulging in sex with multiple partners without love and responsibility, indulging in alcohol and drugs abuse?

Is it okay that some Yoga teachers are having affair and sleeping with their students one by one? The teacher is full of passion and lust, as well as the students are full of passion and lust, so one thing leads to another, from the floor of the Yoga studio ending up on the bed of the teacher or the students.

Maybe this is nothing wrong but it is not Yoga class, but sexuality and intercourse class. There’s nothing wrong in learning to have good sex. Isn’t it? But definitely this has got nothing to do with purity, dispassion, self control and enlightenment. So, it is just not a real Yoga class, that’s all.

There is nothing wrong if both parties are single or already divorced without any commitment or relationship with another person, and they both fell in love with each other and want to be with each other, and maybe committing their whole life together, learn from each other, building a happy family and live the same spiritual life. That’s very fine and God blessed.

But if the teacher or the students are already committed with somebody, and doesn’t this love affair or lustful action will hurt their spouse or partner’s feelings?

What worst is if the teacher is one day sleeping with one student and another day is sleeping with another student. It doesn’t matter if they all know about it and agree with the circumstances of their action and activities, and no one is getting hurt.

Some people even say that this is "love to all".
What love to all? Only lustful sexual enjoyment is the intention behind this action.

Sex is nothing wrong. Passion is nothing wrong too. We all are human beings born with this instinct of passion and sexuality. But the only difference between a pure Yoga practitioner and an impure Yoga practitioner is, having self control or without self control, and having correct understanding or without correct understanding.

What is Yoga practice then? Sex? Sensual enjoyment? Passion and lust is our God?

What worst of worst is the student is sleeping with the teacher’s spouse or lover and the teacher is allowing it, so that the teacher can freely sleep with anyone else including with his or her students.

This is very confusing for the people who come to them trying to learn Yoga. If these people have not established in wisdom yet, they will think that this is Yoga – free sex. This is really creating a big misconception about Yoga into the people’s mind. If free sex can lead us to enlightenment, Buddha and all our yoga Gurus wouldn't be so strongly emphasized about the practice of Brahmacharya.

This is not so good.

As Yoga teachers, shouldn’t we show some respect to our Gurus’ teaching? Shouldn’t we be a good role model in uplifting the morality, self control, right understanding and right conduct of those who come to us for learning Yoga sincerely? Shouldn’t we have strong establishment in our own practice and have great value and respect for morality and dispassion?

What is happening to the world nowadays? It is so confusing. Especially for our younger generation. How are we going to tell them or guide them into a righteous and happy life, if we ourselves are confused about what we should do and shouldn’t do?

I am sorry if some of you might get offended reading this article whether you are agree or not agree. It doesn’t matter. My apology to you then. But I believe in one true religion for all, purity, compassion and wisdom, we all are equal, the same and no differences. No good and no bad or non-duality doesn't mean that we can kill somebody recklessly or indulging in lustful desires and drug abuse and hurt somebody's feelings selfishly. It is about going beyond both good and bad and transcend both happiness and suffering. It is not doing any evil actions and not longing for good karma from doing good actions.

It doesn’t matter if some people say that they don’t have any religion or don’t believe in religion at all, but maybe they are more spiritual than many people who call themselves religious and belong to a certain religion. Not having a religion doesn’t mean that a person is not spiritual. They are all just name and form.

Just because it is called ‘religion’ or ’spirituality’, it should not be limited by the name and form to justify someone is religious or spiritual or not. It is something within us whether we are aware of it or not, recognize it or not, calling it a religion or spirituality or not.

It is the love, peace, compassion and wisdom that everyone has.

We should respect that everyone is free to do what they want to do and think what they like to think, even if they intentionally harm themselves or others, but everyone will be responsible for their own every single action.

Everyone is free to do what they like and be responsible for themselves. Just please be aware so that our actions will not hurt other people and create painful sorrow for others, it doesn’t matter if they are our loved ones or people that we don’t know, if we are sincere in walking the path of Yoga and to achieve spiritual enlightenment.

May we all develop correct understanding and achieve peace and happiness in this world.

Monday, June 1, 2009

unconditional love

What is love if we have no patience and compassion?

Without patience and compassion, we will so easily be agitated when our loved ones don't do things that we like or agree with, and instead they do things that we don't like and don't agree with. We will be so irritated if they can't do what they have been asked to do on time or in the way that we wanted them to do it.

If we are selfish, and have no detachment from our likes and dislikes, we will be so unhappy if our loved ones are sick and not feeling well, and they need us to feed them, clean them and serve them, sacrificing our personal free time and to put aside the things that we are doing in order to take care of them.

We will also be unhappy if they are not as intelligent as we are and they are slow in learning and slow in motion. If we don't have patience, understanding, tolerance, acceptance, detachment and compassion then we will easily become angry if they do not meet our expectations.

Unconditional love consists of patience, forbearance, tolerance, forgive, selflessness, humility, generosity, perseverance, independence, equality, respect, trust, courage, faith, compassion, cheerfulness and not giving up.

A person without patience cannot be a good learner, good parent, good son or daughter, good husband or wife, good lover, good employer, good leader, good friend or good teacher.

We need to be able to forgive and be patient when our loved ones make mistakes (anyway who doesn't make mistakes, including our own selves) or when they haven't delivered what they promised.

When our loved ones fall sick we should be able to withstand discomfort and be tolerant and selfless. They depend on our love and cares; they need special attention throughout the day and night. We need to sacrifice our own free time, withstand tiredness and give our love and care without expecting any reward in return.

We should not be annoyed or frustrated (although it is normal to have feelings like these) when the sick person complains due to the extreme discomfort of sickness and when after taking so much medicine (drugs) they become very weak physically and emotionally. They might not have the same personality that they usually have. They may not be as cheerful and confident as they were.

We should be compassionate towards the fact that they are suffering pain and discomfort.

In extreme cases, we need to deal with shit, urine, blood, pus, bad smells, vomit and other difficult and challenging situations.

We should never forget our parents and should not abandon them to old folk's home when they are old and sick. That's the time we should give special attention to them no matter how hard it is and to repay their love and care for us when we were young and depended on their nurturing and guidance.

They are the people to whom we owe the greatest debt, and it doesn't matter if they scolded us often or spanked us in the past, or had high expectations of us, or we thought that they didn't love us at all - from our memories of the past when we were young.

But how can we remember everything that had happened so long ago? Usually we will only remember something that was very traumatic such like the pain and hatred that we had when we were being scolded, spanked, and were being restricted from doing things that we like. But we may have forgotten all the affections that our parents had gave us at other time beside all those "tortures", and forgot about their loving cares for us especially when we were sick.

Our parents had brought us up and take care of us when we were young and needed supervision. They had feed us, cleaned us, warmed our body when it was cold, cooled down our body when it was too hot. They had supported us, guided us, and encouraged us when we were growing into adulthood. They gave us extra love and care when we were sick. They even sucked the snot or phlegm out from our nose and mouth so that we would not choked or suffocated.

How could we show disgust and not care for them now, when they are old and sick, and need our love, special care and attention?

No wonder why many people always say that once we became parents having our own child then only we will know the love that our parents had gave us and we can understand the hardships that our parents had went through while having us as their children.

Only then we will be grateful and appreciate what our parents did for us in the past along with all the scoldings and spankings.

There's no meaning at all if we are kind and do a lot of good to other people, show love and care to our lover and friends, or show sympathy to the people that we don't know at all, but we cannot even forgive our own parents for those memories that they had hurt us, made us unhappy and suffered, and thus we are reluctant to show love to them and not want to care for them when they are old and sick.

A person who doesn't love and care for his own parents but doing lots of charity in the world and kind to others is not a noble person at all.

Indeed, when we renounce the world to concentrate on the spiritual path to attain enlightenment is the greatest gift and best repay for our parents' love and care. But that doesn't mean that we should ignore our parents and neglect them when they need care taking, while at the same time we are doing selfless karma Yoga in caring for others especially the old people and the sick people out there.

It doesn't matter if our parents had did something terribly wrong to us and had hurt our feelings deeply, we should be able to forgive them for whatever they did to us.

And we should show them love instead of continuous hatred. Because at the end they are just some other human beings that had did some mistakes in life.

If compassion and forgiveness are our motto and we are learning to forgive many other people out there who had intentionally or unintentionally hurt us, then why can't we forgive our parents as well?

We will not be regret if we can forgive the people (whom we felt angry and upset about in the past) at this present moment now and set ourselves free from the burden of anger, hatred and guilt.

We will get instant relief and have peace and love filling up our heart.

We can now move on in life without being disturbed by those unhappy old memories. They cannot affect our emotion anymore and we will be full of confidence to do what we want to do now.

But definitely we will be regret one day later when we realized that this is such a stupid ignorant action that we had hold on tightly for so long, making ourselves and the people who had hurt us feel so unhappy and not at peace in most of our life time for something that doesn't exist anymore.

And the people who we didn't forgive while they were still alive, will die without peace of mind because they didn't get forgiveness from us, unless they can't even remember or know that they had ever hurt us in the past.

This will continue to haunt us for the rest of our life if we cannot forgive and continue carrying the anger and hatred deep inside our heart, even though the people that we hate so much and angry about had passed away a long long time ago.

We ourselves are not at peace if we cannot forgive and let go the anger and hatred towards somebody. It doesn't matter whether those people know that they had hurt us or not.

And so, while these people are still around and we are still here, why not we forgive them and let them know by showing love and compassion towards them and everybody will be at peace instantly.

What is love when a person only wants to share happiness of others and cannot share their unhappiness?

It doesn't matter if it is a friendship, or a love relationship, or between parents and children, or between siblings.

Such like the parents will only like the children when they are well behave, happy without crying and do what the parents wanted them to do. But the parents will be angry and unhappy and don't like the children when they are naughty (normal behaviour - children cannot sit still and like to explore things and learn unless they are sick or having some kind of mental difficulty). Parents also don't like it when they are unhappy and crying (due to sickness and discomfort) and don't do the things that the parents wanted them to do (very normal and common).

Parents should understand that they don't own the children. Children have their own life and thinking. They have their own likes and dislikes, needs and wants.

Parents should take the responsibility to raise the children, give love and care, guide them and support them until they are independent in life. But not by restricting them to do what we want them to do and mould them into what we want them to be. And when the time comes, we have to let them go to live their own life.

If a person will only want to be with us while we are at good health, strong and in good mood to enjoy everything in life together but don't want to be with us when we are sick, need care taking and in bad mood, then this person is not a true friend at all because he or she is a selfish person and is not sincere.

A person has to be a true friend to the other person before he or she takes the commitment as the spouse or partner to that person, or being a parent, or being a son or a daughter, or being a good friend.

A friend who will try to avoid us or don't care for us while we are in distressed and need help, is not a true friend.

We should forgive these people also if one day we found out that they are not true friend and not being there for us when we needed them. Because we shouldn't have any expectation towards anybody or asking for love in return when we share and give love and care to someone.

In a love relationship, what is love if we are attracted to the beautiful appearance and sexuality of the other person and have intense desire to be with that person but we will not like to be with this person anymore when this external beauty changed and the sexuality is not there anymore due to illness, injury or old age?

If we fall in love with the personality, the look, the smell, the touch, the voice, and the thinking of a person, which are impermanent and always changing from time to time, and what will happen to this feeling of love when all these things or qualities that we loved so much about that person had changed and not the same anymore?

If we love someone when he or she is happy, charming and nice to us, but what happen to this feeling of love when he or she is unhappy, grumpy, not charming and don't have the mood and time to be nice to us?

Most of us will be feeling upset and don't like these changes very much, and will start generate hatred instead of love.

This type of love comes from the ego. It changes according to the likes and dislikes of the ego. Unfortunately the likes and dislikes of the ego is changing all the time. Today it likes someone with the qualities like this, and tomorrow it likes someone with the qualities like that. Or when the qualities that the ego likes very much about another person are not there anymore, the ego will be unhappy and doesn't like that.

That's why lots of people start to feel bored and not in love with their lover anymore after being together for some times. Because their ego is getting bored and want something else.

If we identified with our ego, we will be changing partner all the time, or into so many relationships and breaking up so many times.

If the love relationship is based on this type of love, it will not last long and will end up in painful sorrow.

How can we say we love someone if we only love that person when he or she is looking good, feeling good, and fulfill all our needs and wants, but we don't love he or she anymore and feeling disgust when he or she is not good looking, not feeling good and cannot fulfill our needs and wants anymore due to sickness or injury and instead we have to take care of his or her needs and wants? Or we don't like he or she anymore is merely because the change of his or her personality, which is very normal and common to all?

True love is unconditioned by the likes and dislikes of the ego.

It is selfless, ego-less, passionless and boundless.

This type of true love will only bring happiness to ourselves and others, and we shall be able to let go when the time comes and not generate any painful sorrow.

Because everything including good and happy relationship will have to come to an end in this temporary life time.

May we all enjoy and appreciate the good and happy relationships with our parents, children, spouse or partner, friends and anyone else. As well as our relationship with nature and the environment, including plants and animals.

We always take from nature but how often that we realize this, feel grateful and give back something nice to nature and care for the environment?

But before that, we must enjoy and appreciate being with our own self, and love ourselves and our life but remain humble and selfless towards other people.

Our knowledge in the world, skill in doing business and some other talents are not the factors that contribute to our true happiness and a good life.

A good life doesn't mean it has to be very comfortable or luxurious type of living, but having good friends, good relationships with everyone, good relationship with the environment and all the things in it, meeting nice people and feeling meaningful in life, fully utilise our knowledge and talent to help others and share joy and happiness.

It is our pure heart, sincerity, truthfulness, selflessness, wisdom, love and compassion that bring us true happiness and a good life. When we are kind to others, when we are generous to share with others, when we don't have bad thoughts or bad intentions towards others, when we don't have fear and worries, and then all the people that we meet and all the things that happen in our life will be kind to us and lead us to a meaningful and happy life.

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About Yoga

Know thyself. There is no existence of 'I'. Everything is impermanent. Be free, be peaceful, be happy.

Om shanti

About Me

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Pantai Cenang, Langkawi, Kedah, Malaysia
My husband and I run ongoing yoga retreats in Langkawi Malaysia. We teach traditional Hatha Yoga - a combination of Asanas (postures) and Pranayama (breathing techniques) and relaxation, that has given benefit to millions of practitioners over thousands of years. Our yoga studio is situated in Langkawi. We also run yoga retreats in Europe and India.

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Yoga retreats and yoga workshops in Malaysia

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